I THE CITIZEN, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 11, 1000. iinn ounnT emDice IlLYf OIIUNI OIUIIILO A Labored Explanation. "Do you call that an explanation?" said Senator Aldrlch. IIu referred to .a brother senator's reply to a charge that he had contradicted himself hi consecutive tariff speeches. "Do you call that an explanation? Why. It Is as labored as this Duluth palmist's. "A Duluth palmist," Senator Aldrlch resumed, "said as ho studied the palm of n young Duluth shipping clerk: " 'Useless to pretend that you have a Jong life before you. The life line, you "HOW CAN THAT HAl'l'EN?'' perceive, ends right here. No, young man, you are bound to die at tho age of forty. "He babbled on live or ten minutes more. Then, forgetting what ho had said first, ho declared: " 'And this small line hero shows that you will marry at tho age of thirty-seven and will have fourteen chil dren.' "'Fourteen children!' gasped the shipping clerk. 'How tho deuce can that happen when I'm to die at forty?' "Thu palmist, turning very red, stammered: " 'Why or you see tho fact is' "Then his face cleared all of n sud den, and he said glibly: " 'You'll marry a widow with twelve little ones.' " Art and England. Booth Tnrkington, In his brilliant fashion, was talking about tho poet Swinburne. "They buried Irving in tho abbey," he said. "They let Swinburne be bur ied without any ollicial recognition whatever. Yet Swinburne was to Irv ing as a diamond is to a pebble. Ac tors like Irving crop up every year or two, but there was never a singer like Swinburne. Neither Coleridge nor Shelley nor Shakespeare could match that music. "The English didn't appreciate him. Only in Franco Is art. appreciated. Tho English Idea of art Is well por trayed In a story Mrs. Hennlker Ileaton sometimes tells. "Mrs. Hennlker Ileaton, a connection of tin1 poet's, was showing to some ladles miniatures of Swinburne's titled relatives. "One of these ladies, as she studied si miniature of Lord Ashburton, turn ed to her daughter and said: " 'My dear. I had no Idea Swinburne was ko well connected. Remind mo the next time we're at Mudio's to buy his works,' " Mr. Fuller's Hollow Victory. "I understand that you called on the plaint Iff. Mr. Barnes. Is that so?" questioned Lawyer Fuller, now chief justice. "Yes," answered the witness. "What did he say?" next demanded Fuller. Tho attorney for tho defense jumped to his feet and objected that tho con versation could not be admitted In evidence. A half hour's argument fol lowed, and the judges retired to their private room to consider the point. An hour later tho judges filed into tho courtroom and announced that Mr. Fuller might put ills question. "Well, what did the plaintiff say, Mr. Barnes?" "He weren't at home, sir," came the answer without a tremor. Success. Thing of the Past. Leonora O'Reilly, tho vice president of the Women's Trades Union league, was praising this organization's work In New York. "And It lias a great future before it," she said. "I havo no doubt that n century hence the members of tho league will regard the woman of today as wo now regard tho farmer's wlfo of the early forties. "A Maine deacon of tho early forties wns talking to tho minister. Ho snif fled nnd whined: " 'Oh, yes; Job suffered some, I ain't donyln' thnt, parson. But Job never knowed what it was to have his team run off and kill his wlfo right in tho midst of tho harvest season, with hired girls wnntln' $2 and $2.00 a week.' " Over Difficulties. W. D. Boyce, tho Chicago publisher, was discussing somo of tho difficulties of his contemplated ballooning expedi tion In South Africa. "Oh, we'll get over thorn," said Mr. Boyce, smiling. "Wo must, eh in n balloon? Whero there's a will there's a way, you know. We'll show tho in domitable spirit; of llttlo Wllllo of Com monwealth avenue. " 'No, Wllllo,' said his French nurse, 'no moro wateaux tonight. Don't you know you can't sleep on a full stom ach?' " 'Well,' said tho Indomitable Willie, 'I can sleep on my back, can't I?' " Kind Pa. "No, Tommy, you can't go swlnimins today. You will have to help mo clean out tho basement this morning." Tommy Boo-hoo! And then this evening tho kids will laugh nt me for not being able to go. Pa Oh. I'll tell you how to arrange that. This afternoon you can run, the lawu mower, and wbon the sun strikes your neck It will pcI and turn flery red nnd tho boys will think you have been swimming. St. Louis Republic. Blame It on the Lazy Bug. When thn storm flag U unfurled An' you're blamln' of the world An' there ain't a drop to trickle from the Jug Just pull yourself together In tho tribulation weather An' blamo It on tho lazy bug. When you're tired o' the funnln', Tho rlsln' an' tho runnln', An' the dregs nre mighty bitter In the mug Just rest from all the slghln', On a couch o' lilies 1yln An' blame It on tho lazy bug. Atlanta Constitution He Had It. "Have you anything in tho way of u carpet boater?" Inquired tho depart ment Htoiv patron. "We have," replied tho floorwalker. "Take the elevator to the seventeenth Moor and you'll (hid 'some rugs nt P'-MUIS that beat any carpet you ever Haw." Chicago News. Ground and Lofty. A pretty Klrl In Hull's ami lace; A hummock In A shady place. A biimlili'hoi! In Brareh of swcoIh: A mnlilun do ing wondrous feats. Chicago Itecord-IIcrnld Womanlike. Madge You must have ninnaged to console tho poor girl, for she stopped crying. Mnrjorle That wasn't tho reason. She stopped when she found that she hadn't another handkerchief. Buck. And All Hope Died. He buttoned and buttoned and buttoned till ho L'sed language and wished ho wero dead. "Why, love, don't you know how to get out of It? You can get mo a maid." she said. New York Telegram. Under the Arc Light's Glow. Hilda But what Is the difference between a roof garden nnd any other garden? Harry Well, on a roof garden tho daisies bloom at night. Chicago News. Conscientiousness, There was a young lady named Jooley, Who wished to do everything duly. When rejecting a man She said. "Really, how can I write and sign 'I am yours truly?' " Hultlmoro American. The Roomy Story. "There's always room at the top," he said. "My. my!" his wife exclaimed. "Have you got that rattling of the brain again?" Atlanta Constitution. Her Husband's Suggestion. Three bathing stilts she bought her. And she thought he was a dunce When ho blushed as he besought her To wear thorn nil nt once. LIpplncott's Magazine. Not Yet, but Soon. did Sprawlcigh get "How tumble? such a "Ho crawled under his airship to do some repairing nnd lost hold with his teeth."-Boston Herald. The Hammock Girl. I see her take a studied pose. She makes a charming poem; She wears a pair of pretty hose And rather likes to show 'em. Judge. Sweet Things. Pearl Freddy really thinks ho is the candy kid. Ruby Gracious! Is that tho reason the girls are always giving him taffy? Houston Post. The Surf Bathing Season. Somo girls are thin as they can be. And somo are btocklly secure. I never stroll beside the sea And therefore cannot say for sure. St. Paul Pioneer Press. In Its Shadow. Ella I think I have everybody beat en a mile with my hat. Stella You certainly put everybody you meet In the shade. New York Press. Fanciful Creations. What strnngo Impressions oft ono glcana Of children with odd ways and looks. Their clothes designed from magazines, Their names picked out of story books! Washington Star. Not Available. Hank Stubbs-Wo don't git tho liny crops wo us'ter git. Blgo Miller No. I h'iioso it's becua they've nil b'en et up. Boston nernld. A Summer Incident. Sho mopped tier brow, But nothing more. It was her ma Who mopped tho floor. Detroit Free- Press. Evolution. Captain Got your sea legs yet? Passenger Yos, but I've lost Itomach. LIpplncott's Magazine. my Turnips and Men. It ls a truth beyond our ken And yet a truth that all may read: It ls with turnips as with men It let alone they'll go to seed. Chicago News. Exact. Mack When were you married. Dyer Just about six check books o. Puck. INTERNATIONAL NEWSPAPER BIBLE STUDY CLUB. Answer Ono Written Question Each Weok For Fifty-Two Weeks and Win a Prize. Aug. 15th, 1909. (Copyright, 1009, Dy Kcv. T. S. I.inscott, D.D.) Paul's Third Missionary Journey Ephesus. Lesson Acts xvlll:23 to xlx:22. Golden Text The name of tho Lord Jesus wa3 magnified. Acta xlx:17. Verse 23 Is a systematic "follow up system." as essential In Christian work as It is to successful business? Are any so strong that we cannot derive "strengthening" from tho pray ers nnd the experience of others, and aro any so weak that we may not "slrengthon" others? Verses 21-20 What Is tho minimum of knowledge necessary in order that ono may be a true child of God? What aro the minimum qualities ? scntlal to become a preacher of tho gospel? What good qualities for n preacher j did this man Apollos possess? j What did "tho baptism of John" In- i elude, nnd what did It lack of ful' j orbed Christianity? ; What percentage of present day j preachers will exceed Apollos (1) In their zeal and ability, (2) In their Christian knowledge, I. , personal ex perience, of Christ's gospel? If AjKillns had boon conceited or ' anything less than a man of God, would ho havo submitted to teaching ' from a layman and his wlfo? i Verso 27 Should laymen use tho , pen moro frequently to help preachers, whom they know who aro going to I other towns? I Verso 2S Why is it that God has conditioned, nil human progress nnd hrt torment. Including n. knnwlivle-n nf ' tho gospel, upon tho zoal.'ablllty and ' -nrvlnoaa .-.f thosft who nlronrlv rnlnr - J t its benefits? Chap. xlx:t-7 We.ro these twelve persons whom Paul found at Ephesus, actually tho reconciled children of God at this time? What proportion, of present day Christians, have practically the same experience as these twelve disciples had, when Paul mot them? Is tho Holy Spirit, as spoken of In this lesson, generally received at or subsequent to conversion? If it is now the privilege of ovory Christian to receive the Holy Spirit, and to walk In Htm thereafter, how may lie bo received? Was tho gift of tongues and prophe sying then, or Is it now, a necessary accompaniment of tho baptism of tho Holy Spirit? (See I Cor. 12:4-11; 29, 30.) Is there anything necessarily im plied in receiving the Holy Spirit other than tho constant realization that holy God dwells In us, to keep us i to guide us In all things, and i to give us necessary power and wis- dom to carry out God's purposes con- cerning us? Verse 8 Whv outiht. Or ounht not. the pulpit now, as Paul did then, to "dispute," or argue, and bring convinc ing nronfs. comnelllnn mfin1; rpaenne by powerful evidence, of the truths of 1 Christianity, and not be content with i simple declamation as Is now so com-1 mon? (This question must be anJ 6wered In writing by members of the club.) Verses 0-12 . . . ., , Apart from the mirac - ulous power that Paul had. what was the secret of his success? Verses Why do some to-day blaspheme tho name of God, and daro tho power of God; aro they possessed with tho dovll? Verses 18-22 Does conversion al ways imply restitution, and the for saking ot every evil way? Lesson for August 22, 1909--Paul's Third Missionary Journey The Riot in Ephesus. Acts xix:23-xx:l. Texas Gives Up Mars For Melons. Wo don't care much to signal Mars, But we've about a million cars Of melons, wo glvo you a tip. All ready now to pick and ship; Cucumbers till you Just can't rest, And onions say, we've got the best And biggest ever raised, I guess! Just ask Bermuda. She'll confess. We've got no time to signal Mars. We're loading truck on to our cars. Houston Post. Going Some. "My undo used to smoke his pipe and blow smoko rings that would float across the room and ring tho door knob." "My uncle," said the other Hat dreamily, "used to blow some that would ring tho doorbell." ruck. The Ways of Fate. Fato hit mo very hard ouo day, I cried: "What ls my fault? What havo I dono? What causes, This unprovoked assault?" pray, She paused, then said: "Darned It I know! I really can't explain!" And Just bctoro Bho turned to go Sho whacked mo onco again. La Toucho Hancock In New York Times. Financial Aviation. "So you played those tips on the market?" "Yes. I took a flier in Wall street, but something went wrong -with my steering gear." Now Orleans Times Democrat. An Admonition. O Mars, when we exchange remarks some day, As wlso men say that we are sure to do, Pray heed this early warning'. Do not say: "Hello, there I Is It hot enough for you?" Houston Post. WOMAN AND FASHION For the Ocean Dip. Just a hint of tho many novelties for tl:e maiden who loves a dip In the sea is given in this illustration. Most at tractive of nil perhaps are the dainty slippers of silk nnd satin In stripes or checkerboard plaids In black and white or colors to match tho bathing suit. They are very nearly as pretty a? evening slippers, yet they are of wnsh able silk or satin, as the case may be. and have substantial soles of rubber. Black and white plnld or striped silk Is a favorite also for tho roomy bath ing suit bags. These are well shaped nowadays and have strong handles that may easily bo grasped and are lined with oiled silk so that they arn neither unsightly nor damp and sodden when carried on trains or boats. Two useful accessories for the girl who wishes to carry with her all tho little toilet articles are tho fnldlnt; VtlTVl CASXB siut aiirrrn VASHACLI BU.T N0VELTIES 1J uathino suit accessoisiks. SOS Of Imitation alligator Skill nlld n . ,,,. c .1 i . 1 ...,. . in uieiuiiiie. Miniivi la imvu a hairbrush and toothbrush, mounted in ebony or black rubber, and the lat ter with rubber lined compartments for soap, washcloth, etc. Last of all this group of novelties Is a handsome washable belt with which a woman may keep her waistline trim looking even while in tho water. It Is of heavy crocheted material and is clasped with a large rectangular buckle of solid silver which will not rust. The Color Trend. Putty colored cloth is a notable fea ture of the new gowns. The pale cin namon nnd coffee shades have been given the go by, and a curious neutral tone, which can only be likened to putty, is In high favor. Art tones are once again commend ing themselves to the well dressed, rlu view the clear bright tones of other summers with positive distaste. Fortunately summer fabrics, linens, shantungs and tussores lend them- selves admirably to the new colorings, i In linen one of the very latest shades ! suggests the moss and lichen of the woodlands. It Is neither gray nor "u'1" nor iirown, nut a utile or an 1 these blended together. Dead rose shades are, of course, no tl,Iu- 1111(1 thu w,(iturln nml Krae tlnts lmve 1,m bL'fT' tho?U llut I,"iw m ucU '"'"fs. Ihe W"es are nut quite u success, lhey are either too cold or too clear or too Inclined to hyacinth and lilac tones. I There Is a new gray which is being ! ,, ,,.,.ll Tt u ., ,1,.tll,w I tone whIch ls secn nt lts bcst hl a , facod clot wlth n suo(lc.llko surf.,co, I. x clothi 1)y tlm wny wlllch is being j tnmlo fol. tU(J present princess stylo of th-oss I Your Fall Frock. For your fall frock taffeta is the last word. Its advent is prophesied for tho fu ture. By the time tho snow flies it will doubtless have arrived. Tho new taffetas aro soft finished, of course. They are chiffon taffetas, soft and pliable, but havo tho dull finish as of old. There ls nothing satiny about them. The reign of satin linlshcd fabrics Is over, and there is to bo no more shim mer. Wo aren't going to dazzle the eyes next winter. We're just going to be soft and dull toned and velvety. Velvet, by the way, ls to be worn (If only one didn't have to speak of these things iu July, but a piece of fashion gossip is not to bo suppressed). Ono of tho large stores, in fact, has placed a largo order for velvets and corduroys. There is a real secret corduroy. It's to bo a new klud of chiffon cor duroy, silk finished like velvet aud will not show wear as did tho old fash ioned vnriety, aud It ls to bo very popular. Besides this, of eourso, It ls to como in nil tho new colors. The Inconvenient Kimono. Never a woman that did not love the looso comfort of tho Japanese kimono, with Its shapeless lines and loose sleeves, yet never a woman that has not found this same kimono the most Inconvenient of nil possible wrappers when It comes to making beds, wash lug dishes, dusting and sweeping gen erally. The sleeves catch In every thing, the figure looks hideous If nn apron Is tied about the waist, and tho woman looks slatternly cvon If she be the exact opposite. Both the short kimono and tho long, then, should bo discarded as without the necessary qualifications of the "housework," not house, gown. After work ls all dono, when a woman Is for tunato enough to have a spare hour for absolute rest, tho kimono ls Invaluable. E MISCELLANY Didn't Lose His Head. A little knowledge Is a dangerous thing to the man who handles dyna mite. Italian lnborcrs who never rend up on explosives nnd have no supersti tious about them nre seldom injured through any faulty handling of tlielr own. If your dynamite freezes, thaw It out. If you drop au armful of It on tho ground, all you have to do is to pick it up. Some Italian laborers woro digging a well. They got down about a dozen feet nnd struck rock. The foreman Improvised a ladder, drilled a hole and inserted a half pound of dynamite. Ho lighted an ordinary fuse and scrambled up the ladder. Before he reached tho surface his makeshift ladder broke and down he tumbled al most on top of tho spluttering fuse. Many a better educated man would havo realized his awful peril to .the exclusion of every other thought. The Italian foreman whipped out his pock etknlfc nnd clipped off the burning fuse. When he appeared at the sur face, grinning, he exhibited the car tridge with a bare Inch of fuse stick ing in it. New York Press. Upheld Her Opinion, Judge Kelly of tho district court of Itamsey county. Minn., recently cele brated his golden wedding anniversary nnd on the evening preceding he wns tendered a banquet by thu Hamsey County Bar association, which was also attended by tho other members of the district bench, the Justices of the supreme court, Governor Johnson and higher state olliclnls. In responding to tho toastmaster's felicitations ho stated that only once In ills mnrrled life had ids wife questioned ono of his decisions nnd that was his recent de cision in tho "club" case in which he held that social clubs might sell liquors to their members without n license. Tho Judge related that on arriving homo lie found his wife reading tho evening paper. She looked up and said, "William, you aro wrong about that club case." "Now perhaps that may be so," said tho judgb. "Why do you think so?" "Because!" snld Mrs Kelly. "And," added tho judge, "on reading tho opinion of the supremo court reversing me I found thoy up held Mrs. Kolly's reasoning." Ex change. Magic of the Modern Flouring Mill. Today tho river of wheat Is deepest at Minneapolis. Its twenty-two great mills roll 120,000,000 bushels Into Hour as an ordinary year's work. While the swiftest mill In Athens in the age of Pericles produced no more than two barrels a day, there is one mill of in credible size in Minneapolis that fills 17,000 barrels iu a twenty-four hour run enough to give bread to New York state and California. What the Greeks did in a day the MInnesotans do in ten seconds. Five million bar rels of tills Minneapolis flour, says Herbert N. Cnsson In the World To day aro each year scattered nuiMie. foreign nations, a fact which Informs us that Hour is now not a local prod net, but part of the real currency of nations. No doubt the people who dwell by t ho sea of Galilee, whose fathers were once miraculously fed upon seven loaves of bread and a few fishes, are now being fed miraculously upon loaves of bread made from thu flour of Minneapolis. Tho London Cabby. Tho old London hansom driver, who is being driven out of .business by the tnxicab, ls a miracle of honesty and politeness and a wonderfully sure whip. Ho has need to be. He is pretty so vercly tested before ho gets his license. He lias to satisfy the police that ho knows how to drive and, what is far harder, how to find his way about Lnn don. He must also furnish a full nc count of his life for tho previous six years, a list of all tho places at which ho has lived and a testimonial nnd recommendation from two household' ers. All his statements aro verified and a man who finally succeeds in oh tabling his license may pride himself on a certificate that ls really wort it having. Tho best proof of Its value Is that there is never any difficulty In recovering an article that has been lost In a hnnsom. Sleighbells on Automobiles. A Chicago citizen who has evidently been scared frequently by the loud "honk" of the nutomobllo horns as he scudded across streets has written to the Tribune to suggest "that automo biles be made to carry sleighbells the same as horses are required to wear in sleighing time." This, lie thinks, "would give continual warning to po destrlans." Ho adds, by wny of clinch ing his plan and commending it to mo torists: "Riding would lie more enjoy able acconipnnled by a nice toned set of bells. There would no doubt be quite a strife among manufacturers to soo who could turn out tho finest toned machine ns a selling point." Sassafras From Grubwortns. There ls a legendary story that sas safras sprouts spring from defunct grubworms, but tho editor of this pa per could never bo made to believe it until Saturday last, when Lee Cas koy brought to this office a partially petrified grubworm from which wns a growth of somo kind of vegetable matter. Indeed It was a sprout of some kind, but whether a sassafras orsomo thlng else wo are not prepared to say. The writer, however, has heard many men assert tho fact that If you pull up or dig out a young sassafras sprout you will Invariably find a grubworm at tho root of It Hazel Green Her dd. - ROLL of HONOR Attention is called to tne STRENGTH of the Wayne County The FINANCIER of New York City lias published a ROLL Ot HONOR of the 1 1 ,470 State Banks and Trust Companies of United States. In this list the WAYNli COUNTY SAVINGS BANK Stands 38th in the United States. Stands 1 0 th in Pennsylvania. Stands FIRST in Wayne County. Capital, Surplus, $455,000.00 Total ASSETS, $2,733,000.00 Ilonesdale. Pa., May 29 1!X)S., ARRIVAL AND DEPARTURE OP TRAINS Dclawaro & Hudson R. R. Trains leave at 6:55 a. m., and 12:25 and 4:30 p. m. Sundays at 11:05 a. m. and 7:15 p. m. Trains arrive at 9:55 a. m., 3:15 and 7:31 p. m. Sundays at 10:15 a. m. and 6:50 p. m. Eric R. R. Trains leave at S:27 a. m. and 2:50 p. m. Sundays at 2:50 p. m. Trains arrive at 2:13 and 8:02 p. m. Sundays at 7:02 p. m. Having' purchased the interest of T. L. Mcdlnnd, of Carbondnle, in the harness business of lletz & .Mcdinml of that city, the business will be conducted in the future by C. M. lletz alone, who will nlso con tinue Iiis store in Ilonesdale as here tofore, lit order to reduce stock, reductions in prices will be nmdo on nil goods. Bargains may be found in both stores, Mr. Edward Fnsshauor, who bns been in tho Ilonesdale store about ten yenrs as clerk, will have full charge of tho Carbondalc store. C. M. BETZ Manufacturer of Custom Harness NOTICE OF ADMINISTRATION, ESTATE OK VIRfill, CONIvUN, late of Preston, I'a. All persons Indebted to said estate are noti fied to make Immediate payment to the un dersigned: and those having claims against the said estate are notillt'd to present them duly attested for sett lenient. JOHN KANDAl.b. Administrator. Lake Como. I'a.. June ;w. 11KW. 52t3 Ponies and Carts Beautiful Shetland Ponies, handsomo Carts, solid Gold Watches, Diamond nines und other valuable presents given away. To Boys and Girls who win our PONEY AND CART CONTEST Open to all Roys and Girls, Costs nothing, to enter. Get enrolled at once. Hundreds ot dollars worth of prizes and cash besides. EVERY CONTESTANT IS PAID CASH whether he wins a grand prize or not. Write us today for full particulars before It is too late. J HUMAN LIFE PUBLISHING CO., 528 Atlantic Avenue, Boston, Mass. IIS I