THE CITIZEN, FIUDAY, JULY 0, 1000.
The
Book
icrap
Worse Than a Failure.
Tlicy had been married Just a month
.when he lost bis position, and during
tho next eighteen months he Jumped
rapidly from one thing to another
without being nt all bicccssful nt any
thing. By this time, of course, her
trousseau was getting frayed around
the bottom and rusty around the top,
and tho hope which she had been en
tertaining that she would some day be
the possessor of some new gowns had
become u sort of permanent hope, ns
far as she could see, or, In, fact, as far
as they both could see together.
"Elizabeth," he said one day, "do
you think marriage Is a failure?"
"Failure!" she said scornfully. "It's
a panic!" I.lpplncott's.
Life, Love and Death.
A llttlo drentnlnff by tho way,
A llttlo tolllns by tho day,
A llttlo pain, u llttlo strife,
A llttlo Joy ami that is life.
A short lived, lleetlnR summer's morn.
When happiness scums newly born,
When ono day's sky Is bluo above
And one bird sIiiks and that is love.
A llttlo wearing of tho years,
Tho tribulo of a few hot tears,
Two folded hands, tho fainting breath .
And poaeo nt last and that is death.
Just dreaming, loving, dying, bo
Tho actors In tho drama go
A flitting plcturo on the wall,
Love, death, tho themes! But Is that all?
Labeled.
A few years ago Miss Ethel Barry
more, tho actress, was beselged by a
number of artists who begged the
privilege of making sketches of her
pretty faco. Too gracious to refuse
Bhe freely granted permission in every
case. Among those for whom Miss
Barrymoro posed was a young artist
of the Impressionist school, who, after
considerable labor, produced a ghastly
yellow and green portrait which was
supposed by the budding artist, at
least, to 1h a likeness of the actress.
When it was finished the painter
bravely took It to Miss Barrymoro and
asked her to sign it and write some
thing or other some llttlo sentiment
above her signature.
Miss Barrymoro gasped as she looked
nt the wretched portrait and then
quickly pulling herself together, smiled
and wrote:
"This is not a sunset; it is Ethel
Barrymore."
Did What He Could.
The distinction between the parish
rector and the curate in the old dayh
In England Is illustrated by a story ot
an old rector. Iteturnlng to his parish
after his autumn holiday and noticing
a woman at her cottage door with bei
baby in her arms, he asked, "Has that
child been baptized?"
"Well, sir," replied the courtesylug
mother, "I shouldn't like to say as
much as that, but your young man
came and did what he could."
When She Laughed.
A somewhat self satislled, vainglorl
ous and grumpy English actor com
plained that the noted actress Ellen
Terry coutinually laughed in one of
his most Important scenes. He had
not the courage to tell her his obJeC'
tlons, so ho wrote her a letter of heart
broken complaint, In which he said:
"I am extremely sorry to tell you that
it Is impossible for mo to make any
effect in such and such a scene If you
persist In laughing at mo on the stage
and so spoiling tho situation. May I
ask you to change your nttitude, as the
scene Is a most trying one?"
Miss Terry's answer was very direct
and to tho point, for she wrote: "You
are quite mistaken. I never laugh at
you on the stage. I wait till I get
home."
Long Out of the Sea.
Mr. Gaynor, an Irishman celebrated
for his good humor, was dining one
Friday with a friend, and fish was the
only meat served. Gaynor was par
ticularly fond of haddock and seated
himself near a fine specimen, nis
olfactory nerves, however, soon made
him aware that tho fish was not too
fresh. He first lowered his mouth to
ward the head of tho fish and then his
ear, as if conversing with it Tho wo
man of tho house, perceiving his pe
culiar motions, asked him whether he
wished anything.
"Nothing," replied Gaynor, "nothing
at all, madam. I was merely asking
this haddock whether lie could give me
any news of my friend, Captain Mur
phy, who was drowned last Monday,
but he tells me that he knows nothing
of the matter, for he himself hasn't
been to sea these three weeks."
One Plain Rule of Life.
There is only ono plain rule of life
eternally binding. It is this: Try thy
eelf unweariodly till thou flndest the
highest thing thou art capable of do
lng, and then do it Mill.
Cautious.
"Sir," 6bo paid excitedly, approaching
the teller's window In the bank, "I am
Informed that a chock' I sent out the
other day has been returned marked
No funds.' What does that mean?"
"It simply moans, madam," responds
the courteous teller, "that wo couldn'
pay tho chock. Tflero aro no funds
to pay it. you dueady havo an over
draft qf $00."
"And yon can't pay tho chock?'
"No, ma'am. As I say, yon havo an
overdraft of G0t and vnut ,
"Well, yaoog- um; rfi say this for
3pn: At least yoa are'honoet, and It
11? very fttaa of yon to tell ne wf tba
condition of the bank. I will 'take my
overOrea snCt-puttbo. Q0 on deposit
DEVICE FOU KICKING COW.
How a Chronic Offender Can Be
Milked Without Difficulty.
A chronic kicking cow can be milk
ed without difficulty by moans of the
device shown In the accompanying
illustration. Fasten a stout chain 2
feet In length around a bar of seruj
Iron 2 foet long In the last link
of tho chain secure an Iron ring.
Bury tho iron at tho back of tho
cow's stall deep enough sc that only
the ring is left above ground, at the
DEVICE FOU KICKING COW.
point where the cow's right hind
foot will stand when she Is tied in
the stall. The earth must bo tamp
ed down hard so the iron cannot bd
pulled out.
At milking time tlo a ropo with
a noose In the end around the right
hind foot, and after drawing it up
tight slip the end through the ring
with a long Iron hook and then tie
the rope to a post or upright on tho
left side of the cow.
Boom at tho Top.
Dairy farming offers a great op
portunity for growth. The farmer
and all his family can Just keep on
learning the business and never know
too much. There is some talk about
the dairy expert, tho expert Judge of
cattle and of butter, etc., but don't
get alarmed about them. The "ex
pert" of today is a back number to
morrow, in fact, somo of tho so-
called experts are not able to pro
duce the goods right along. A man
makes butter and scores highest In
some great contest. He is lauded
to the skies. He Is called an expert
and for fear that he will not lie
able to score well again ho quits. Ho
lives on one great record and drops
out of the race. How few are the
men who keen winning high butter
scores in the great contests. Many
are the "has beenp."
Breeders have room at the top
also. A breeder may get the prlee
wlnnlng sire and dam of a great
dairy show, mate them, and get
what? A still better producer? Not
very often. Hrecillni, raises tho av
erage but produces very few par ex
cellent Individuals. I suppose some
day the limit of Individual excellence
will be reached. That day has not
yet come. There is no telling when
it will. But the dairy farmer need
not bother his head over freak cows
Ho has plenty of opportunity to raise
the standard of his whole herd to
higher degree. A herd of twenty
cows that average 400 pounds of but
ter-fat a year Is better than ono cow
that goes to tho GOO pounds while
the rest are near the 200-pound
mark. I do not disparage the effort
of breeders to produce the GOO-pound
cow. I simply say that this GOO
pound cow Is not going to be crowd
ed off tho top of the ladder till tba
herd below gets up where she Is.
The dairy farmer can keep learn
Ing better ways to crop his farm, to
care for his stock, to dispose of his
by-products, to sell his produce, and
to enjoy the fruits of his labor.
The greater number of dairy far
mers havo not yet started to climb
the ladder. They seem content to
stay at the bottom with their non
productive herds, and their good
for-nothlng store butter. It Is al
ways crowded down at the bottom
Can't fall off that's the only good
thing to say about it.
Mottles in butter and "white
specks" are sometimes confounded
and by some are considered the
same, but there is a difference. Mot
tled or streaky butter has been ex
plained as being caused by an un
equal distribution of the salt; but
white specks have a different cause or
causes. Sometimes, when the milk
is set in shallow pans, the cream
dries on top and Email portions be
come so hard that they do not churn
into butter. These particles do not
take tho color like the rest of th
butter, and the specks are thus
caused. This may bo remedied by
carefully straining the cream when
it is put into the churn.
Another cause of white specks is
this: when some milk is skimmed
off wlth.tho cream, as Is usually done
in tho case ot deep cold-sotting, this
milk settles to tho bottom, gets
overripe, and forma a curd, which
is so hard as not to break up In
churning and will not run. off with
tho buttermilk, but will remain with
the butter as white spocka, or flecks
as they are sometimes called. This
can be remedied by not letting the
cream stand so long before churning
or by frequent and thorough stirring
of the cream during the process of
ripening These hard, whit parti
clos can also be taken out by strata
Uut the cream.
NEW SHORT STORIES
A Curb on Curios'rty.
Sir George Heed was once premier
of Australia, nccordlng to A. T. Mae
donald, secretary of the ('oininercl.tl
club, who Is nn authority on the Brit
ish empire, since he is a leading mem
ber of the Mnplo Leaf club. Sir
George was once making a campaign
of the strenuous variety throng, the
provinces, and It was announced when
ho spoke at Ballarat, the town made
famous In one of Conan Doyle's dctoc-
HE HUOTE TIIE QUESTIONED UPON THE JAW.
tlvo stories, that when ho got through
speaking ho would be ready to answer
any questions put to him.
When tho speaking was over a fel
low in the front row rose and put to
tho premier an interrogation that was
a sockdolager. It was one that couldn't
bo evaded or satisfactorily answered
At this critical Juncture, ns the histo
rians say, one of tho partisans of Sir
George, who happened to be sitting by
tho questioner, leaped to his feet nnd
smote tho latter upon the Jaw, knock
ing him down and out.
"Is there any other glntlemau that
would like to ask a question?" said the
chairman, one Flnncrty by name.
There was not. Sir George, as might
have been expected, won bis campaign
without having to make many answers
to embarrassing questions. Louisville
Courier-Journal.
A Stickler For Rules.
Isabel D'Armond, who has organized
nn ozone club among tho show girls of
New York, urged a reporter to write
nbout this club an article full of warm
praise.
The Ozone club," she said, "will
Increase the beauty and tho longevity
of show girls. One of its rules Is that
members must exercise two hours a
day. Another Is that they must sleep
eight hours. They mustn't be out of
bed after midnight. I've been told
that since the Ozone club's formation
all the Broadway restaurants have
lacked the pretty and gay faces of the
show girls.
'For the Ozone club sticks to the
rules," said Miss D'Armond. "It sticks
to the rules with the tenacity of Billy
Grimes, the sailor.
"Off a foreign port one night Billy
Grimes leaned over the side in answer
to a hall.
" 'Ahoy! he said.
" 'Ahoy!' was the reply. 'Lower
down your ship's ladder, shipmate.'
' 'You can't come aboard here to
night,' said Billy.
1 'Lower away, you lubber,' said tho
voice below Impatiently. 'I must come
aboard. I'm the river pilot.'
" 'I don't care,' said Billy, 'if you're
Puuchus pilot, I'll stick to the ship's
rules.' "
Six Supporters.
Richard Croker at a banquet In New
York said of English politics:
"English politics are clean. Now and
then, though, a queer story comes to
light. The moral of this story Is that
nothing, not oven the politics of Eng
land, is quite perfect."
Mr. Croker lnughed.
"A friend of mine, a rich lawyer," ho
said, "ran last year for parliament in a
small midland town. My friend was
elected, nnd among his congratulatory
visitors on election night was a shah
by chap smoking a clay.
"This chap slapped my rich friend
on tho back, shook both his hands vio
lently and congratulated him in a loud
voice a loud, hearty voice, a llttlo
thick perhaps with ale.
" 'Th-thank y-you,' said my friend as
ho tried to free his hands, which were
being shaken so violently that ho quiv
ered all over like an ocean greyhound
Thank you. I suppose you're ono of
m-my supporters, eh?'
"Tho shabby chap winked nnd smiled
" 'Six of 'cm ho said."
No Fear of John.
Andrew Garneglo tells this story:
"'I ennna lenvo yo thus, Nancy,'
good old Scotchman walled. 'Yc'ro too
auld to work, an' ye couldn't live in
tne almshouse. Uin I die, ye maun
marry anlther man wha'll keep yo in
comfort in yer auld age.'
"'Nay, nay, Andy,' answered tho
good spouse; 'I couldna' wed anithcr
man, for what wad I do wl' twa hus
bands in heaven?'
"Andy pondered over this, but sud
denly his faco brightened.
" 'I ha'o it, Nancy !' ho cried. 'Yo ken
auld John Clemmens? He's a kind man,
but ho is na' a member of the kirk. Ho
likes ye, Nancy, an' gin yo'll marry
him 'twill be all the samo In heaven.
John's na Christian, and he's na likely
to get there.' "-Tit-Blts,
Humor and
Ptiilosoptiy
7ty OtrCAA Af. SMITH
SEASONABLE.
IN Juno the undent question
On moonlit nights nets popped
Unless by an Injunction
The eager youth is stopped.
Though painfully he stammers
Whenever sho is near.
Ho manages tptlto deftly
To mako tho meaning clear.
There's something In tho season
And In tho air of Juno
Or maybo In suggestions
ltollccted from tho moon
That turns a fellow's fancies
To thoughts of wedded bliss
And makes him In the shadows
Go tlshlng tor a kiss.
Ho rather likes tho tlshlng,
And with the proper bait
Ho finds that for a nibble
He doesn't havo to wait.
Perhaps a llttlo tatty,
A promise cross his heart
And then they swear In chorus
They 'nevermore will part.
And that's why it is easy,
Tho way Is pleasant made.
For If In fear ho falters
Sho prompts him as first aid,
Bo in tho moonlight fishing
Ho makes a pretty catch,
And then they talk it over
And call tho thing a match.
Prompt.
"Sllggs Is a
coming man,"
"He Is hero
now."
"Indeed!"
"Yes; after the
grocery bill."
ft
Profitable Humor.
"Do you find a ready market for
your Jokes?"
"Yes; in tho grocery store."
"What do they want of them?"
"They manage to dispose of them.
These Jokes happen to be storage
eggs."
Reason Enough.
"What Is he so mad nbout?"
"lie missed a car."
"That Is a little thing to make a
fuss about."
But ho can't think of any way to
blame it on his wife."
Contagious.
"Why so blue?"
"Everybody Is going fishing, and I
want to go."
"It must bo catching."
"I hope it will be when I get there."
Practical Wit.
'Where did ho get that fine um
brella?"
"Stole it."
"I suppose he considers that a Joke."
"Just n sample of dry humor."
New Breakfast Food.
"Taking any interest in tho Shake-
speare-Bacon controversy?"
"Shakespeare bacon .'"
"Yes."
"I never heard of the brand."
No Tick Business.
"What line is he in?"
"A dealer in secondhand clocks."
"How does it go?"
"Not very good. Time hangs heavily
on his hands."
Utility.
'Has his education been along prac
tlcal lines?"
"I should say so. Three ball teams
are after him already to sign for next
season."
Lost Opportunity.
When called upon to cross the Alps
Napoleon should have waited
Till Wilbur Wright came on the scene
And o er them aviated.
Couldn't Loso Caste.
"Is old Jacoblne a rich man?"
"Ho must be. Ho is on speaking
terms with his servants."
His Excuse.
Tho small boy finds the swimming pool
And splashes Idly there
And tells his ma the sprinkling cart
Came by and wet his hair.
PERT PARAGRAPHS.
Occasionally wo meet a man who Is
simply a factory for turning out er
rors. Keep your promises and discharge
your obligations.
It has always been a problem why
so careful a creature as a cat should
need nlno lives.
Truth is mighty, but error often getB
there first.
It is sometimes hard to forgive our
friends for our loneliness.
DelBg consistent Is an easy and emi
nently respectable way of being a
back number.
Conceit may bo deceptive, but it is
rarely perceptive.
Ideals cajred in solid rock would be
bard things to carry around with us.
Facts are unromantlc, but quite de
pendable, which same can't be said
of romance.
WHEN THE, ENGINE UOMKS
s no time to be regretting your neglect
to get insured. A little oare beforehand
is wortli more than any amount ol re
gret.
KRAFT & CONGER,
General Insurance Agents
HONESDALE PA.
Holmes Memorial, St. Rose Cemetery,
Carbondale, Fa.
Designed and built by
31 ARTIN3CAUFIEIiD
Tooth
Savers
We have the sort of trmtlt brushes thnt. nrr
muuu to uiurougniy Cleanse una save tht
leein.
Thev are the kind thnt clenii fpofh fwltlmnt
leaving Your mount iiiuoi ungues.
Wn Mrvimmnnil a....,!.. Oft L
mure, an wo can Kuurumee mem anil will re
Pluce, free, any that show defects; ot manu
fucture within three months.
O. T. CHAMBERS,
PHARHACIST,
Opp.D. & H. Station,
HONESDALE, PA
JOSEPH N. WELCH
Fire
Insurance
The OLDEST Fire Insurance
Agency in Wayne County.
Office: Second floor Masonic Build
ing, over C. C. Jadwin's drug store,
Honesdale.
One ot tho best equipped farms In Wayne
county-situated about threo miles from
Honesdale,
Everything Up-To-Date.
Over S5.000.00
uas been ex
ended wltn-
i the last live
years m bulldlncs, tools and Improvements
IPT I olw
hiclt 75 acres are cood bard
d t!inhir.
Irn llnrKwood timber.
Will be sold reasonably.
A Bargain, --For further particulars en
quire of
W. W. WOOD, "Citizen" office
For New Late Novelties
-IN-
JEWELRY
SILVERWARE
WATCHES
Try
SPENCER, The Jeweler
"Guaranteed articles only sold."
ARM
SALE
PROFESSIONAL CARDS.
Attorncya-nt-Low.
H WILSON,
. ATTOKNKY A COltNSELOU-AT-LAW.
Olllcc. Masonic butldlns, second floor
Houesduic, I'll.
WM. II. LEE,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOIl-AT-I.AW.
Ofllcc over pot olllce. All lewd business
promptly attended to., llonesdule. l'a.
EC. MU.MFORD,
. ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-I,AWi
, Olllce Liberty Hull building, opposltethe
Tost Office. Honesdale, l'a,
HOMER GHEENE,
ATTORNEY A COUNSEI.OP.-AT-LAW.
Office over Kelt's store, Houesduic Pa.
A T. SKAULE,
A. ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-LAW.
Olllce near Court House Honesdnle. Pa.
0
L. ItOWLAND,
ATTORNEY .t COUNPEI.Olt-AT-LAW.
Olllce over Post Olllce. Honesdnle. l'a.
pHAULES A. McCARTV,
J ATTORNEY A COltNSEI.OR-AT-LAW.
Special and prompt attention Riven to the
collection of -tn Inti. Office over Kelt's new
store. Hoitesdule. Pa.
171 P. KIMBLE,
13 . ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-LAW.
Olllce over tho post olllce lloncsdule. l'a.
ME. SIMONS,
. ATTORNEY A COUNKELOR-AT-I.AW.
Ollico in the Court House, Ilonesdale,
l'a.
HERMAN HAKMEis,
ATTORNEY A COUNHEI.OR-AT-I.AW.
Patents and pensions secured. Olllce In the
Schtierholz bulldlin: Ilonesdale. l'a.
PETEK II. IL01-F,
ATTORNEY A COUNSELOR-AT-I.AW.
Office-Second floor old Savings Bank
building. Ilonesdale. l'a.
RM. SALMON,
. ATTORNEY A COUNSKf.OR-AT-f.AW
Office-Next door to post office. Pormerl
occupied by W. II. Dhmulck. Ilonesdale. Pa
Dentists.
DR. E. T. BROWN,
DENTIST.
Office First flnnr. nil! Sn vtnrTa-rtn.V l.nll.
Ing, Honesdale, l'a.
Dr. C. K. BKADY. Dentist, Ilonesdale. Pa.
uffice llouns-8 n. m. to 5 p. m.
Any evenlll2 by ammlntment.
Citizens' phone. 3.1 Itesldence. N'o. 8G-X
Physicians.
DR. H. B. SEARLES,
HONESDALE. PA.
Olllce and residence 111H church street
Tnlntihnnptr fllttn., Itcufe -tM ... J.ui
7:00 to 8:00. D.m
C. M.Betz.
Having purchased tho interest of
T. L. Medland, of Carbondale, in
the harness business of Bctz &
Medland of that city, the business
will be conducted in the future by
C. 31. lletz alone, who will nlso con
tinue his store in Honesdale as here
tofore. In order to reduce stock,
reductions in prices will he made
on nil goods. Ilni'naiiis may bo
found in both stores. Mr. Edward
Fasshnuci', who lias been in tho
Honesdale store nbout ten years as
clerk, will have full charge of the
Carbondale store.
C. M. BETZ
Manufacturer of
Custom Harness
, ilonesdale, l'a., April 10, 1909.
Notice. Pursuant to Act of Assem
bly, a meeting of the Stockholders of
the Wayne County Savings Bank will be
held at the office of the bank on Thurs
day, July 22, 1909, from one to two
o'clock p. m., to vote for or against the
irupusiuun to again renew ana exiena
the charter, corporate rights and fran
chises of said bank for the term of
twenty years, from February 17, 1910.
By order of the Bard of Directors.
II. S Salmon Cashier.
32eolU
If you don't insure with
us, we both lose.
INGEB &
General
Insurance
White Mills Pa.
Receiver's Notice.
HIT
HAM
The undersigned having been
duly appointed Receiver to take
possession of all the assets of the
Armony Association and to mako
distribution of the same among
tho parties legally entitled thereto
will be at his office in the Borough
of Honesdalo at ten o'clock a. m.
on Saturday, July 10th, at which
time and place all claims against
the said Association, together with
the claims of all those claiming to
share In the distribution, must be
presented, or recourse to the fund
for distribution will be lost.
61-eoI-3. R. M. SALMON,
Receiver.
i