choice
MISCELLANY
A Marvaloua Magician.
There has been discovered a Juggler
I samed JoaeSy, who outdoes all tho
ether conjurers, says his discoverer, a
YJ lie. Abbott Ho performs what other
Mipf""" nave only urcamcu 01 ac
complishing. With his card tricks the
spectators may bring their own packs
and choose the cards freely. No
threads are used, nor Is there any visi
ble connection with the goblet that
contains the pack, and yet any card
will rise at Jose CTt's command at any
time.
The enigmatic cube Is first a one Inch
cube which Joseffy produces from the
air, and It Is then seen to grow while
In his hands to a two Inch, a four Inch
and a nine Inch cube. This he now
sets In full Tlew upon his table, where
It Is seen to grow slowly to a size of
FOR THE CHILDREN
A Great Clock.
Perhaps the boys and girls know
that correct time for all Europe Is fur
nished by the observatory at Green
wich. England, says the Chicago News,
which Is also the place from which
longitude Is reckoned. It U natural,
therefore, that the observatory clock
should be tended with the utmost care
and that It should never be allowed to
get either too fast or too slow. But no
piece of mechanism Is perfect, and this
great clock If allowed to run on un
tended would soon wander far enough I
away from sun time to cause a good j
deal of confusion and trouble. As It Is. I
they never permit It to get more than
one-tenth of a second too fast or too I
slow, a fraction of time that Is almost
Inappreciable. Of course so small an i
Another Scar.
"I had a mighty narrow escape yes
terday," said the timid man. "A sci
entific man informed me that my well
had germs in It."
"And you drank some of the water?"
"Worse than that. 1 went to Investi
gate, fell In and was nearly drowned."
Minneapolis Journal.
Cheated of Her Right.
"I do not lllto to cook," said aha.
"For sowing I've no taste.
I have trim ankles, as you see.
And I've a slender waist.
1 know I'd soon become the rare
If I were only on the stage.
Typewriting I detest," she said.
"It's such confining- work.
I'd hate to have to earn my bread
And butter as a clerk.
I Just despise this cashier's cage.
Twould be so lovely on the stage!"
Chicago Record-Herald.
three feet six Inches. The wizard now ' error could not be corrected by moving
lifts this cube, from beneath which
steps a beautiful young lady, who
starts to run up the stage. The master
snaps his fingers, when she instantly
stops and disappears in a sheet of
flame la full Tlew of the spectators,
sad In her place Is seen a gigantic bou
quet of real roses, which are plucked
and distributed to the audience. Don
don Family Herald.
Tirod Telephone Wires.
"Dent nse that booth. That phone's ,
tired.'' called oat the brisk attendant.
"A lady has been talking over that
wire for the last ten minutes. Take
the one next to it; that one. has had a
rest. You'll get a much better connec
tion If yon do."
The man took the girl's advice and
got unusually satisfactory service.
When be was through and was paying
the bill he asked what she meant by
saying that the other telephone was
"tired.'
the hands of the clock, so an electro
magnet Is made use of ro do It The
magnet is near the pendulum, which It
attracts the least bit when the current
of electricity la turned on. Tho car
rent Is so timed that it delays the pen
dulum when the clock is fast and
quickens It when the clock Is slow. In
this way a few thousand swings of the
pendulum will correct the error of one
tenth of a second.
Crass Questions.
A game played by any number, who
sit in a circle. Each pats a question
to his right hand neighbor and re
ceives an answer. Each of the players
In turn then repeats alond the ques
tion that his left hand neighbor ask-
The Way She Dees It.
"llrs.Clyiner Is a model housewife
In one way."
"What to thatr
"By dint of giving her dinners, teas
and receptions to the reporters she
manages always to keep her house In
print." Baltimore American.
I
A First Class Front.
Though you feel like laying right oa the
slab
When you've taken a solar plexus Jab,
It's the proper thing and a dead ssm
stunt
To try to put up a first class front.
You've troubles, of course, but so'o your
psl.
And you needn't blub like a baby gal,
For you won't get sympathy, but the
shunt.
Unless you put up a first class front.
Kansas City Time.
A Boo si la Shipbuilding.
Reports from the big shipyards of
Scotland state that the marked decline
in shipbuilding noted for a year past
has abated and that orders for new
ships have come to hand In such num
bers as to portend a speedy revival of
the Industry. A similar awakening
has been felt In Germany and France,
and the depression of the early months
of the year has given way to cheer.
A ship shortage would be a great
drawback to international trade. Rec
ord crops make more bulk to haul re
gardless of the market selling price,
and If any great country suffers from
poor crops the tonnage of the sea is
Increased. It is In the nature of things j
that the ocean carrying trade must I
grow so long as the world is at peace,
and it is a sign of confidence that ship
owners are now willing to branch out
in the face of the general commercial
reaction.
London's Feeble Minded Children.
There are eighty-four schools In Lon
don for the education of children who
are not included under the extreme
term "Idiots or imbeciles," bat are
"feeble minded and defective." They
are attended by 0,000 children, of
whom about two-thirds learn some
useful manual work, whllo the rest
are hopeless and require permanent
custodial care. London Telegraph.
THE ONLY MAirUFACTUHKR OF
HARNESS
In Honcsdnle, carries also the Best Line and
Largest Assortment of
HORSE FURNISHING GOODS
In the County.
Hp i l the town's most extensive dealer in
Trunks, Traveling Bags, Valises, &c.
ed of him and the answer that his
right hand neighbor gave. The Answer Finally.
In order that the result may be more Interlocutor To eliminate the usual
amusing It shonld be agreed before- tedious circumlocutory repetition, Mr.
hand what kind of questions should be Bones, once for all, when is a door not
a al-cl ftar fnatntlrv tt miT he singed la rtnnr?
"Why, telephones get tired Just the tnat la t0 a8k WUy his neighbor Bones-To paraphrase the proverbial
same as Dsunle or animals," said tho
girt. "If yon had used that other wire
as soon as that lady dropped It you
wouldn't have bad satisfactory serv
ice at all. After a few minutes' rest
It win be all right. I know that phones
get tired, but I'm no scientist and can't
tell why. Why don't I start a society
for the prevention of cruelty' to tele
phones? Xow. say. If I should start
one I'd get a lot of telephone operators
who'd belong. But with a good many
of them it's not the phone that gets
tired so much as the one who runs the
switchboard." Exchange.
Consumption and tho Telephone.
The panic recently created on the
subject of the assumed danger lurking
In the transmitter of the telephone Is
not precisely new. It Is but the devel
opment of a fear which has caused
misgiving for some years. On the sup
position that various germs of disease
probably collect In the receiver and
transmitter of the Instrument, at any
rate In public telephone stations, some
medical alarmists have thrown out
suggestions that antiseptics, both In a
'dry state and In solution, should be
applied for the safety of the telephone
user. The recent dictum goes one step
further. Inasmuch ns It Is now an es-
does certain things, real or fictitious, reply, Mr. Hamilton
Thus. B asked C, on his right hand. 1 dor. Fuck,
"Why do you sit so near the fire?" C
answers, "Because I like the heat"
A asks B, "Why did you fall In the
water?" and he replies, "Because I
went too near the edge." When It Is
B's turn he must tell A's question and
C's answer, thus: "Why did you fall
In the water?" "Because I like the
beat." and so on. The game Is often
played, by giving the right hand neigh
bor a predicament and the left hand a
solution and then telling the predica
ment that comes from the left and the
solution from the right. The game Is
then called "predicaments."
when It's a burnt-
The Game of Hearts.
She toys with hearts, and yet she plays
Her hand with utmost care,
That not one card shall slip In wrong
And lose the chance to pair.
And when this game of hearts Is done
She has her well earned token.
She's broken all the hearts she could
Before her own Is broken.
New Tork Times.
All goods are bought direct from the Manufacturers, and
having had Forty Years experience in the business, we believe
that weenngiveour customers rare bargains (or their money.
The Old Stand, South Main St., Honesdale.
Although Castle Garden has long
been used for an aquarium and Ellis
Island, oat hi New Tork bay, has tak
en its place as a funnel for receiving
and distributing the stream of Immi
grants, people still speak of Castle
Garden as the gateway where aliens
enter the new world.
When a man Is fined $50 for kissing
his wife on Sunday It Is time for the
race track Issue to retire as a crying
public grievance.
Some sinners knock themselves vi
cariously while knocking others, for
t they generally get theirs out of the
I rcboufd
, Why Corn Pops.
The making of starch for stiffening
clothes will help us to understand why
i popcorn bursts open when exposed to
heat. When the grains of starch are
put into water and boiled they lose
their powdery nature and blend with
the water Into a pasty mass. The ef
fect on each starch granule is a soften
ing and a considerable increase In Its
bull: and finally its rupture and diffu
sion through tho water. Now, we
cannot see the Inside of the grain of
corn just when It Is about to burst,
l.iit I,, rlnm tf n-t.nl- 1 1 ., 11 1 ,r 11 In 1,
muilMivu 1.11.1 l"'-'--"- fnnloa of slnroli If Is llk-nlr flmr 99
. 1 ntl.iiAjiMfliilema it CHTYin.
Not Enough Room.
"Brown Is the most narrow minded
man I ever met."
"So?"
"Yes. Whenever two thoughts get
Into bis head at the same time they
bump Into each other." Judge.
style
Is what makes a man proud of his
Clothes. If you take any pride in
your personal appearance you do
yourself an injustice bv defarrincr nn
inspection of our late arrivals in stylish garments.
DO NOT FORGET TO CALL
We have the Goods and are onVy
too glad to show them.
One great American puzzle is to find
the relation between what Bryan says
on Monday and what Bryan says on
Saturday.
The unemployed asked for jobs, and
Colonel Bryan handed them out a copy
of his platform.
1
LOOK ! LOOK !
Men's Suits, - 35 00 to $35 00
boy's Suits. - -Children's
Suits,
ftlen s Uvercoats,
Boy's Overcoats,
Children's "
Men's. Boy's Caps, 25 to
00 to
1 50 to
5 00 to
3 00 to
1 50 to
6
30
15
5
1
00
00
00
00
00
50
km urn crn cb
tlXmwt J St f a--e
" Woolen Golf Glove? for men. women
:iml I'hlldren.
- A full line of Trunk. Krew-sult Cases
and HamlhapK.
BREGSTEIN BRITS niothfers and Gent's Furnishers
UHL.Uwll.in UIIU O, HONESDALE. PA.
Oil.
Did You Ever Notice?
laugh, ye merry punsters, because
woman cannot nail!
But there are always two sides to every
little tale.
It may be woman cannot nail or tack to
hold things tight.
But what man In creation can pin any
thing Just right?
Pittsburg Post.
Spanish King to Visit Portugal.
Lisbon. Nov. King Alfonso of
Spain will make a visit Incognito to
King Manuel at Villa Vlcosa.
tlon, have been found alive and In ro
bust condition hi the instrument. It Is
quite natural In view of such a find
that a feeling of alarm might seize
hold of the more nervous. British Med
ical Journal.
Illuminated Projectiles.
The French navy has recently begun
experiments with the luminous shells
employed for a year past In America.
These shells have a hollow In tho rear
end containing fireworks powder, which
is Inflamed as the shell quits the gun
and leaves a luminous trail In the air,
enabling the gunner at night to follow
the course of his projectile and deter
mine whether or not It readies Its ob
ject. Without some device of this kind
It Is very difficult In firing over the sea
in the darkness to ascerlain whether
the range Is too long or too short. In
the daytime a jet of water where the
shell falls tells tho story. Youth's
Companion.
The Periscope.
Commandant Soulie de Cenac of tho
French Legion of Honor has designed
a pince-nez. or eyeglass, called a peri
scope, which enables the wearer to see
at the same time on all sides and even
behind. This Is Ingeniously effected
by means of reflections. At the same
time the glasses are so constructed as
to correct myopia and other errors of
vision. A use for the Instrument that
the inventor did not think of has been
revealed to him by deaf persons era
ploying It. They say that It Increases
their safety by enabling them to per
ceive the approach of dangers of
the grain gets hotter nnd hotter the
moisture lu the cells softens them first,
and then when the heat Iiecomes too
great for the moisture to remain In
the fluid state the latter suddenly turns
to steam, and the now plastic starch
of the grain expands In every direc
tion. And ns It expands it loses its
moisture and thus becomes firm and
brittle again.
The Holland Primrose.
There is u beautiful flower in Hol
land called tho evening primrose. It
has escaped from cultivation and now
grows wild lu many places. The plant
U about five feet lu height and Is cov
ered with flowers of a brilliant yellow
color. A traveler who came upon a
field of these primroses shortly before
sunset describes what he calls the dra
matic effect made by them. It is at
that hour that the flowers open and as
ho approached the field they all opened
at once and so suddenly that It seemed
as If a magic wand had touched the
land and covered It with n golden sheet
The Only Way.
"It's dangerous to go swimming aft
er meals."
"Yes. But seals and sharks and such
cau't get meals any other way."
Cleveland Leader.
The Long ?.nd the Short.
"Such stupidity," said oM Hippo
"Is enough to make any une holler:
t Just had to laugh
Wn-r. the spotted giraffe
Said he'd loan me his h!sh linen collar.'
Chicago News.
His Loss. ,
He had no use for knockers
Only optimists could win
And when Opportunity knocked one
day
He wouldn't let her in.
St. Louis Post-Dispatch.
She Would Never Rise.
"I heard today Miss Bond's grand
father was a baker."
"He must have been a poor one."
"Why do you say that'"
"She Is so heavy." Sr. Paul Pioneer
Press.
Instructive.
"Your friend is a literary "authority,
is he"; Has ho ever done constructive
work?"
"Xo; destructive, ne's a book re
viewer." Outlook.
Feed 'Em.
If Cupid's darts
Don't touch men's hearts.
Why. then, dear girls.
Try Cupid's tarts.
Kansas City Times.
foe
R
umann
otel
Improvement.
Now when some foeman bids you
squirm
A paraphrase polite is heard:
The long and scientific term
Has shamed tho short and ugly word.
Washington Star.
A Tactful Reason.
"Would you call her good looking?"
"Nope."
"Why not?"
"Her husband might get jealous."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
ESTAURANT
JOHN H. HEUMANN, Proprietor,
MAIN STREET, HONESDALE.
$ OPPOSITE UNION DEPOT
Hints For Girls.
A very unique and cunning little
pincushion may be made by following
the directions here given: Take a
bf.by'8 pink or blue finely woven stock
ing and cut a pasteboard sole to fit it.
After you have shaped the bottom of
the stocking by placing the sole InBlde
It All It to within a few Inches of the
top with sawdust. Tie the top togeth
er with white ribbon, making a full
bow or rosette of the ends. The cush
ion will stand on the dresser, and pins
may be stuck into It from the tiny toe
More Expensive.
"Two can live as cheaply as one."
"Can they?"
"Don't you think so?"
"Depends ou whether It is a wife or
on afflnltyV
Retired. (
Bald a quaint young fellow named Sunny,
"Perhaps It will strike you quite funny.
But when a man goes to bed
With his cash 'neath his head
Has he retired on his money?"
New York Press.
CITIZEN
RATES
which their ears give them no warn-1 t0 tue top.
lng.
8teady Coin.
Work For Goats. ! Place a smooth strip of paper upon
Farmers In the vicinity of Law- the corner of a table. Upon this care
renccburg. Ind., have found that a uily stand upright a silver half dollar,
herd of goats will clear the under-' BJ" & ""'e practice you will acquire
brush from a farm In a few mouths ne knack drawing the paper from
and do a good Job at moderate cost. 1 lneath the coin without disturbing
For tho last five years a herd of forty lle position of the latter. All that is
goats lias been eating and working ! required Is a swift, steady Jerk lu a
h. nn.l In that time the anlmaU direction parallel with tho edge of th
have chanced owners ten times. As n. ut Tou w' U by no
Got Him All Right.
I Guide (as city sport blazes away at
I deer) Did you get him?
Cholly Scaver You bet I did. Can't
j you bear blm yelling and cursing?
'Puck.
The Citizen
Human Life
$1.50
Causa and Effect.
He's growing cold unto his loves.
For Christmas draweth near.
And ha whom beauty frowneth on
Hath not so much to fear
New York Evening Sun.
8ure Sign.
Gunner Did your uncle reach a
green old age?
Guycr I should say so. He bought
a green hat. Kausas City Times.
soon as their owner discovers that
there Is nothing left on his farm for (
the goats to rcea on nut goou grass
means easy of accomplishment
Dancing Paper Dolls.
they are lent or sold to another farm-1 warm slightly a sheet of glass and
er for a similar nurnosc. I Ptace n two I", making a bridge ,
er for a similar purpose.
Blind Bookmakers.
The blind mako books for the blind,
as is illustrated in the Ziegler Mag
xlne, now printed In New York. Ono of
the proofreaders is a blind man who Is
working bis way through Columbia
college. Ono ctrl who is deaf, dumb
a4 blind takes the greatest delight In
ber work, and ber mother says that
BBtB she beftn to work for the Ztogter
aft nrrer tnw iir to smile
between the two. Cut out some small
paper dolls and put them under the
class. Itub the glass and the Q gores
Aill dance.
Tha Draamy Dog.
A lttUe dot
Who had a tall
Bat on a log
And WtttesMd a. sn&U.
A ktod of bur
Utopla.
If each man were to all men
What he wants all men to be
To him, then what a happy
And a joyful world we'd seal
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
That's i4.a oLbi
And took
About tha 8lze of It.
Hyker Money Is a conundrum.
Pyker What's the answer?
Hyker Everybody has to give it tip,
Chicago News.
The Citizen,
'Human Life, qZ.UU
and Tribune Fanner.
The Citizen, j
Human Life, pZ.Z5
I and Tri-Weekly Tribune
The Citizen.
Human Life, $ZZj
i and Cosmopolitan
(THE CITIZEN,
Human Life,
ITrlbune Oft 7C
Farmer, J
and Cosmopolitan
a pinch.
Qraat Labor Saver.
Indays of old tha self made aaaa
wBe own bora load would blow,
Hat stow ha buys a phonocraph.
Winds 'I up and lets It co.
l.ouU PoM.DIspa'ch.
THE CITIZEN,
Tri-Weekly 7 aa
Tribune,
?pd Osmorcn!tn
beven Human Life Stars
pf nwm 0k p c
LowU
Libby
Fhiiupt
Morris
Behuco
Potterion
RusmII
A Celebrity! born every day. Who Uhe?
What is his story? How linn he live, work,
play? What abnuthisfanrly, his frien1I4.l1.')
fancies? Uead HUMAN Lrl'K. ill exclusive
field U interesting article:! about people.
HUMAN I.ll'i: nmrsliuU the world's relet
Titles of tho ilay toKetlicr and kIvi- them f
you in p'ctursotul stw c ur.drn llc'.d slor.s.
HUMAN 1.1. 'i: iJ ."lately oriKir.nl.
There H 111 f ' r r-.s' . -'re tle.i'.In;; with
people ci-V- . '. . Jt 11 I'd fr "i cover n
carer v it 1 h:jr ! i"ul 1 ' turcr.o:' pc-pb and
v:ll ks;p t!ia e. t - I. y pf ntjdns t the
nctions nnd d '.s of nil the prun.inent
people of the entiro W01IJ.
It has tho :r ulvst y. r'tr In this cecntry
of visroroaj, vrile. DUitsent. forciftd.p.'quant
nncll&h.iit Iti c'.itor.lii-tt'.L'f, Alfred Henry
l-euKtliocauitlccjritrsliutr.rt Jl .; Saturday
Kvcnlnir I'o.U, Ccnicpolitan, fcuccesj end
many other rir're;nu.t!v periodicals; tho
nulhnr of "Tho 1'reUdent." "The boss,"
" Wolfvllle," "Andrew Jackson," ond other
lxoks of story uriJ udver.turc, every ono
scintiilatlne with strerrnns life. Jlr. Lewis'
finger are upon tl'o public pulse 1 hekitov. j
what the public- wants, m:d ha rives them
running-over measure: his hncmlcdse of
men and thlncsU as wide us t :e wide, wide
world. HUMAN LIl'H is up-to-date in lu
fresh, original matter from tho beat authors
and best artists, end filled to overflowing
with human Interest.
You will find the great and the almost
irreat. the famous and sometimes infamous,
described in HUMAN LIl'K, with a knowl.
edge of their little humanities that Is
cncroisinir.
HUMAN UPC has a peculiar style and
method of Its own, which gets the reader into
intimate relation with the subject written
about. It may be said here, on these pages,
you almost meet the people. You get them
at dote range, off the stage," as It weret
Ku see all their tittle mannerisms and secu
rities, and you bear them tell good anec
dotes 1 rou laugh with them, you And
rnt rwwt t-1 Js ,wf fe-b's ip1
. lnMrfii -r.d"b.ttvt halve..
Amonc tho well kno-n writers of tie day
who contr.butj n HUMAN LU'll are
Charles Hd-.vard Russell, Ynnco Thompson.
Upton Sinclair. H.wM Graham I'hilllps,
Klbert Hubbard. Ilrand Wliitlotk. Havid
Helascn, Clara M crR Ada I'Mteri:i, Laura
Jean Libby, Nauon 'f obey end taasy others.
IICMAN I.IPK h unique in that Its prin
cipal aim Is to tell truthful, f.-uciratfn-r. live,
up-to-date human tales about real human
people rlc'i p' pic vor people sood peo.
ple--bad peopk people who htvj acco:-.:-'
piished tlilnui people who are trylnir to
uccomptish things people ynu want to know
about people that everybody want- to
know about.
HUMAN LH-n K'ves yon thrt intimats
knowledge of what uch people Ju.ve done
ore doing what they say how end wIito
they live nnd lots of first-hand Ir.f -rraation
that you cannot lind elsewhere,
HUMAN LII'K IsalaritoiHintratedMag.
nilne with colored cover well worth a
dollar a year.
All
About -Human
Life