jßtftfinft 3it ([Mm amO Chrmudf.
BY DAVID OVER.
For the Inquirer and Chronicle.
"Is he a Greek or lioiasii?"
MA. EDITOR: —It might have been sup
posed, with a good degree et certainty, that
we were dono with the late celebration at
SohelLhurg; we refer to it again only
briefly, in at incidental way. In politics,
much may be .ooktd upon, wbiie a cam
paign is j tu progress, a? fair and legitimate,
that after tbe Contest Las been deeided,
might be considered filthy, low bred, and
anything else but magnanimous. Thus
before au election, for the furthering the in
terests of a party, or its particular candi
dates. personal caricaturing may do: but
w.en 'haj election is over, and nothing is
to be gained in these respects, we natural
ly '.K)k for a motive for this sort of work;
tueu we ceiieve that when Geo. Bowman,
and fiv-j or six men in Sebcllsbarg got up
tb:# late affair, overicpt the bounds of that
which manly decency and custom La# '
stamped a# legitimate jubilation—illumiaa- j
tions, bonfires,
In k notice of that precious affair tba 5 -
feast ;L-sp.rit manifested- received spe.
ciai attention from tbrse facts, though the
general features received seme attention
la regard to the substantial part, out in the i
field, many there, a little super Milieus no !
doubt, hollered that the Lord was aDgrv
with them, for it rained terribly at the most
unnropirious moment.
These political sinners, like the sinners j
around Noah's Ark, were light hearted for :
awhile, but it became serious. Titer trem
bled and shivered like the cowards a* Del
shazsar s feast, not wi'h fear so tunch how
ever, (ex.-cpt those a little superstitious) as
with pure cold from tbe dienchiog q&aii- \
lies of the rain failing about that time, the
temperature being decidedly far feuin pleas
ant. We are nearly done with this ox roast.
As was stated befo'e, they were ashamed
of the whole concern theui*elres.
Oar present purposo is more particularly
to show thai the present seif-styled democ
racy, or that Genera! Bowuiau—who is the
party—in this county—the sgme that Louis
Napoleon is ia Fiance—or at least what the
General will no doubt himself admit, the i
exponent of the party. It being agreed
thca, that tbe General is the embodiesneut '
of tbe party ia this county, we will speak
of him-and to him instead of the party. — j
We propose to show that in as few word# as
we can, G. \V. Bowuiau, in polities, is al
lied with Under Ruffianism, and that be i
& Border Ruffian—desiring the exteusion of
slavery into territory now free, in prefer
ence to tbe instiuHioas under which he or
I have to be reared. Let the people of this
county note that tbe editor cf the Gazette
is this moment allied with such men as
Striagfe'low, Buford, Reed, Atchison, Gov-
Shannon, Brocks and Gov. Aduns of South '
Carolina. The policy of these polit'icne,
have beea avowed: some of them by the
most base means have made au aniiring ef
fort to en-lave Kansas and crush ont free
immigration—a spasmodic attempt to throw
themselves before the eurrent of enlighten
ed civilisation, —the power being in their j
own hands, the federal Territorial officers
and executive of the couutry bfcing all of
the same beautiful stripe, they were suc
ceeding finely, the code of laws enacted bv
these fellows look well in the direction of j
•freedom. Did General Bowman set his
- face and influence against these things?—
He might have done so with all honesty,
for there Is nothing in the Constitution of
the United States either guaranteeing or
encouraging them. General, yen were on
the same platform with these fellows— vo
ted the sauie tickt't.
Let the people, of this county note that
Gen Bowman is a sectional disncionist, be- j
cause all the fire eat its of the South are
each, openly declarisiT that if their institu
tion is in any way res ricted, or it? limits
d*Sued, they wish fo, a.*>d will separate this
confederacy,—let its opinion and feeling
of the whole civilised wor Id bo what it way.
General, you are in tbe same eoop with
these fellowaf Brooks and y*a were ou tbe
siaio platform- While 1 ibarlw Suiaaer
wis staistea down, bruised a.id b'eecug in
tire very centre—the very temple of en-j
1 igutcned civilization for leguio ;<t£ debate,
whore were you? denouncing th'" 9 outra
ges? not at ail. Had yoa been > n C<ti
gr*,ss you woali have voted agaia*t expul
sion, in obedience to party dictation. Show {
your li.f.u . If such a thing wr s,tteupt
* i, at.d tue party tc which y<*u beloo.g were
■iommsut, that party would decree it. that ,
*s ie-ts.ablish slavery in Pesnsylvalt it— '
v .u.d y „ gay ought against it* A*y * f f
'oitte effi .rt to biod the institution on K an- |
>as tust the wishes of a known majority,
i" j.ieei, ely the same in priceip'e, and jvii:
v vm (jot {oi tin? right.
Lc;t t'.e people take nottca that General
Bo .ji.i i the M 4 platform with Gov. j
A-iii.m of South Ceroliat , wh is at this j
I -wise time advocating the re-ojK'Ctng ot
the aiatc trade, and th* uiitraßoa M couclu
A Weekly Paper, Devoted to Literature, Politics, the Arts, Sciences, Agriculture, &c., &c—Terms: Two Dollars per annum.
j five that the Gazette favors it; else, why
1 this silence? l#w.k at the history of the
j pa e t four year, and the people will see; ta
-1 king tbe stand point from which Geu. B iw
, man s position and creed have been viewed'
: that he is a disunion seciienalist—tire eat
t ing nu'lifier,—slave trade revivalist, and
j slavery propagandist of the real Border
j Bnffian school. If yon sav that vou have
not been acting with Douglas, Pierce,
| Brooks and Siringfieliow, where do you
stand? are you a Greek or Roman? We do
not know whether yon have been acting
j with thee men from honest conviction or
not, but that you are an honest politician U
vety questionable. To prove that you ate
not, the old Whig party, &t\, might be ci
j ted in evidence against y.u, at.d the de
parted— tie must here speak of the Icul
the honorable departed, and we would not
speak too lightly of it, tor it associates itself
:n our minds for a long period with the his
-1 tory of Bedford county—we mean a dark
colored, dingy-looking iittle thing, common
ly called the "cabbage leaf." When the
little thing stopped making it* weekly visits
aud sunk to rest, the Guardian no doubt of
fered the same Messing that the Wa'cbiug
, mother offered, slightly altered:
Hr.y h. my H- wtHI ami slumber,
h -rth'j angels gu.in) thy b -1:
I Gracious blessings without number,
; Gentiy tafl upoa thy bea<i/'
; Thus sunk to rest a great iighr. A light
■ that had euibiasuncd at its mast Lead, "our
• vouniry, right or wrong" which rendered in'
ito p!a>n Anglo Saxon, means, our partv
right or wrong, and implies a want of po
! liticai honesty.
Dr. MulleD, when a member of oar own
| party, is engaged iu concocting slanderous
figures on canvass, among Border Ruffians,
he oceupics a questionable position. His:
own party will naturally ask biui, arc vou a j
Jew or Christian l You, when questioned j
as to the propriety cf being in dubious com- '
. paaj, replied that you worked for par, and
stated the sum to be charged. Doctor, j
Gen. Bowman addressed the major part of j
a short speech to you, on the day of the I
feast. \\ e did not like the blowing of (he ;
w<uti. We would rather you would declare :
fairly for your old friends and remain with
us. If yon can find it in your heart to g j
over to tbe camp of the encmv— when yon '
j ire squarely iu tbe Border Ruffian boat—
(hen it will be time enough to MKASITRF. the
ground betweeu us. Any strictures have ,
been in a purely political sense. Y our pri
vate relations, er any other roan'*, we dis- j
claim any intent'iou of attacking in any
sense. Your physical roan we won't hurt*
MUSTANG.
I j
THE MISERIES AND EFFECTS OF
INTEMPERANCE.
The following is the most graphic deline
ation of the miseries and effects of intem
perance that we have ever seen. It is,
f
from the arguments advanced by certain
citizens of Portage county, Ohio, in a me
morial to the Legislature on the subject:
"And yet its march of ruin is onward
still. It reaches abroad toothers, invades -
the family and social circles, and spread# :
woe and sorrow all around. It cuts down
youth ia its vigor, manhood in it* strength' j
aud ag in its weakness It breaks he fa
ther's heart, bereaves the doting mother,
extinguishes natural effection, eraes con- :
jugal love, blots out filial attachment,
blights parental hope, and brings dowa :
mourning age in eorrow to the grave. It
prodnee? weakness, not strength; sickness, t
not health; death, not life. It makes wives
widow*, children orphans, fathers fiend*, j
and all of tbera paupers and beggars. It ;
hails fevers, feeds rheumatism, nurses gout, j
welcomes epidemics, invites cholera, im- j
parts pestilence, and embraces consump- j
tions. It covers the land with idleness, ,
poverty, disease and crime. It fills your
jails, supplies your alms booses, and de
mands your asylums. It engender* con
troversies, fosters quarrels and cherishes
riots. It condemns I w, spurns order and
jives m >b. It crow Is your penitentiaries
aud furnishes the victims for your scaffold*.
It is the life bloo i of the gambler, tbe ali
ment of the counterfeiter, the prop of the
higteNrmin. mil tbe support of tbe uiid
wigl'vSfeecdiary. It countenance* the H
r, respects the thief and esteem* 'be blas
i.he.i<*r It violates obligations, reverence* j
fraud sod honors iafnuy, It deuroe* be- j
uevf-icnce, hates love, scorns virtue and .
glanders innocence. It incite* toe father,
to butcher hi* offspring, helps the husband j
to massacre Lis wife, and aid® the child to;
rrind ihe parri'-.iual axe. It built* ur> man, 1
ijc'tsum'.'* '.i.'uan, uete-s* life, curses God
tnd 4<#pi*e* Heaven. It eabonis witness- j
es, anrses perjury, d.-SSes the jury b"X,
and stains the judicial erro.oc. It bribes
Vote®, disqualifies voters, corrupts elections ;
pollutes our iastilatitos and endanger# our (
Government. It degrades tho citizen, d- j
s the legislator, siLlioaor* the tune*- '
j ' 3 d disarms the patriot. It bring#
j shame, not honor; terror, not safety; de.
i pair, not hope; misery, nor itappiucrs. And
; now, ** with tire malevolence of * fiend, it
calmly surveys iu frightful deo!ioti#, and
j insatiate with havoc, it poisons felicity, kills
peace, ruins uiorals, blights confidence,
slays reputatiou and wipes out uaiiouvl tum
or, theu curses the world aud laughs at tig
ruin."
THE HEIUTWOMAX.
BY OEoKOK LIPPARD.
Ia the shade* of the \Vi*ahiiken woods,
; not more than half a mile from the Schuyl
kill, there stood in the time of the Revolu
tion, a quaint old fabric, built of mingled
logs and stone and encircled by a palisade
wall. It hid been erected in the earlier
: days of W uliaui Peun, pafhaps some Years
before the gret apostle of peace first trod
| our shores, as a block-house, iateuJed as a
defence against the Indians.
And uow it stood with i'g many roofs, its
I numerous chimneys, its massive square win
i dows, its varied front of log* auu stone, its
> encircling wall, through which admittance
j w is gained by a large and stoudy built gate;
j it stood in tbe midst of the wood, w.ih jge
worn Tiecs enclosing its veteran outliue* on
every side.
From ilit western window you could ob
tain a glance of the Schuylkill waves, while
I a large casement in tbe southern front com
manded a view of the winding road, as A
suuk out of view, under the shade of thick
ly clustered boughs, into a deep hollow, not
more than one hundred yards from the man
j sion.
Here, from (lie southern casement, on one
of those bairoy days which look in upon the
dreary autumn, towards the close of Novem
ber, a farmer's daughter was gazing with
dilating eye* aud half clasped hands.
Well might ebe gaze earnestly to the
south and listen intensely for the sligh'est
sound. Her brothers wore away with the
army of Washington, and her father,a grim
veteran —he stood #ix feet and three
in his stocking#—who had manifested his
love for the red-coat invaders in many a des
perate encounter, had that morning left
tier alone in the old mansion, aione in this
#ii.-i!! chamber, in charge of some ammuni
tion intended for a band ot soru* brave far
mer*. about to join the hosts of freedom.—
Eyen as she stood there, gazing out of the
southern window, a faint gbmnse of sun
light from the faded h:aves above, pouring
ovelr her miid face, shaded by clustering
brown Lair, there, not ten pacea from her
side, wore seven leaded rifles and a keg of
powder.
Leaning from the casement she listeued
with every nerve quivering with suspens"
to tun shouts of the combatants, the hurri
ed tread of armed men echoing from the
1 south.
There was something vry beautiful in
that picture! The form of the yong girl, ;
ftainied by the square massive window, the
contrast between the rough timber* that eD- j
closed her and that round face, the lips part
ing, ihe hazel eyes dilating, and the cheek
warus-ng and flushiog with hope and fear: ,
there was sonwthiog very beansiful in tha j
picture—a young girl leaning from an old
mansion, with her hair waving in glossy
masses around her face.
Suddenly tiio shouts of tbe south grew
nearer, and then, emerging from a deep
hollow, there came an old man running a'
lull speed, yet every few pace* turning to
fire Lis rifle, which be loaded as be ran
He was pursued by teu or more British j
soldiers, who came rushing on, their hay-:
onets fixed, as if to strike the victim down :
ere he advanced ten paces nearer to the
house.
On and *n tbe old man came, while bis
daughter, quivering with suspense, hung
leaning from tbe window, lie reaches the
block-bouse gate; look! He is surrounded;
their uiu.-keU are leveled at his head; he is
down, clown at their feet, grappling f'r his
life! liut look agnin. lie dashes his foe
aside; with one bold uo venn-nt he spring*
through tbe gate; an instaut, and it is lock
ed; the British soldiers, mad with tage, gaze
upon tbe high wall of l"g* and stone, and
vent their anger in drunken curse*.
Now, lock to yonder wv.dow! Where
the yoong girl stood a moment *gc, quiver
ing with suspense, a® she beheld her father
! struggling tor hi* life, uow stands tie old
inan himself, hi* brow bared, fc* arm grasr-
I ing the rifle, while his gray hairs ware each
from bis v; ink led and biood-daubed face!
That War a fine p : cturc cf an old veteran,
nerved f.- r hi# !#'. fight—a stout warrior,
i preparing for his death stiugglc.
Death struggle! Y'es. for the old rosti.
■ Isaac Wampoie, lntd dealt too many hard
■ blows among tbe British soidi<r- trickc',
' foiled, sua cheated theiu too often, to cs-ape
BEDFORD, PA.. FRIDAY. JANUARY 2, 1857.
' now! A few moments longer, and they
would be reinforced by a strong jmrty of
; refugees; the powder, 'b? arms in the old
' bloek-bou-e, perhaps that daughter hcrseit,
was to be their reward. There was scarce,
ly a Lope for the old man, and yet he bad
determined, to make a desperate fight.
'We must bluff off those rascals,' said he
with a grim sroue, turning to Lis child.—
'Now, Bess, mi girl, when I fire this rifle,
do you me another and so on, until
the whole shots are fired. That w.il keep
them on the other side tf the wall, for a few
minutes at least, and then we will hare to
i trust to God for the rrst.'
Look down there, and see a hand steal
j ing over the edge of the wall! The old
man levels his piece—that British soldier
i falls back with a crushed hand upon his
comrades' heads.
No longer quivering with suspense, but
grown suddenly firm, the young girl passes
u loaded rifle to the veteran's grasp, aud
' siiently awcit? the resnlr.
For a moment all is Vtient below.—The
British i-raroes are somewhat loath to try
that wall when a stout old 'Rebel.' rifle in j
Land, is looking from yonder window TLere
is a pause—hw, deep rourmers, they are
holding a council!
A moment is gone and heads are thrust
I above the wall at ouce—-hark! One—two—
tiiree! The old veteran has fired three
shots—there arc three men grovelipg in the
yard, beneath the shadow of the wall:
'Quick, Bess, the rifles.'
And tbe brave giri passes tbe rifles to her
father's grasp. TLere are four shots, one
after the other—three more soldiers fa!l
back, like weights of leul upon the ground,
and a single red cat is seen, slowly mount
ing to tbe top of the wall, hi* eyes fixed up
:on tbe hali door, which he wiil force ere a
moment i* gone!
Now the last ball is fired; the old man
stands there in that second story window,
hi* hands vainly graspingfora another load- !
ed rifle! At this mouietti the wounded aud !
dying band below are joined by party cf
some tweo y rcfug* ho clad ia their
louit'l VtiVirrrrg tW
woods, and with one bound are leaping
from the summit of tbe wall!
'Quick. Bess, tnv rifle?'
And lick there even while the veteran *
stood looking out npon his foes— the brave
girl, for, slender in form, and wildly beauti
fui in face, she is a brave girl, a "Hero
Woman"—had managed, a if iuinstit.ctive I
impulse, to load a rifle. She handed it to !
htr father, and then loaded another and i
another. Wasn't that a beautiful sight?—
A fair young girl, grasping powder and bail j
with the ramrod rising and falling in her j
slender fingers!
Now lock down on the wall again! The
refugee#.are climbing over its summit; again •
a horrible cry, and another wounded roan
toppling down upon bis dead and dying
comrades!
But now look! A smoke rises there; a
fire blazing up around the wail, they hav e |
fired the gate. A moment, and tbe bolt ;
and lock will be burnt from : f s sockets —the
passage wiil be free! Now is tbe fiery mo- j
ment of the old man's trial. While his ,
brave daughter loads, he continued to fire,
with that deadly aim, but now—oh, horror
he fall*, tvirh a mnsket ball driven into hi a
breast! The daughter's outstretched arms
received the father, as with the blood spout- j
ing from his wound, be topples back from |
tbe window.
Ah, it i* a ad and terrible picture.
That old man writhing there on the oaken
floor, the young daughter bending over biro
the light from the windows streaming over
her father's gray hairs while the ancient
furniture of the small chamber affords a
dim back ground to the scene.
Now hark! Tbe sound of axes at the ball i
door—shouts—hurrahs—cur*es!
'We have tbe old rebel at last!'
Tbe old uian raises bis bead at that sound '
—makes an effort to rise clutches for a
rifle, and then falls a-aio, his eyes glaring ,
as th* fierce poin of that wound quivered J
through bis beart.
Now Watch tbe movements of that
daughter. Silently she loads a rifle, silent
ly she rests tbe barrel against the head of
that powder-keg, ana then, placing her fin
ger en ihe trigger, •■tind over Iter father'*
lorn, while ihe shout* of ihe enraged
■".'ldtcrfi came thundering fret the stairs.—-
YV*. 'hey have broken the hall door to frag
ments; they are in possession of ihe oid
LiocL-hoa*e; th vjrt rnshing toward tiro
old chamber with murder in their h'-arts,
and in their gUri.ig ey tt. ilaed the old
until had a thou-no i, lives, they were not a
farthing'* pu'chase uow
Still that yirl, grown suddenly white a*
tbe bafkerchief round bar neck, stands
there, trembling from Leal to the rifle
:n her hand, iu dark tube.laid against the
Powder keg.
The door is hurst pen—look there! Stout
forms are in the doorway, with muskets in
their haods: griui faces stained with blood.
gUre iuto the chamber.
Now, as if her very was coined into
ihe words that young girl, with her face
pale as ashes, her hazel eye gleaming with
deathly light, utters this short yet meaning
speech:
♦Advance one step into tbe room, and I
will fire this rifle into the powder there'.'
No oath quivers from the lips of that
girl, to confirm her resolution, but there she
stands, aloße with her wounded father, and
yet not a soldier dare cross *he threshold.
Imbued as they are iu deeds of blood, there
is something terrible to those men in the
simple words of that young girl, who stands
there, with tbe rifle laid against the keg of
powder.
They stood as if spell-bound, on the
threshold of that old chactibe' - .
At last one bolder than the rest, a bravo,
whose Lee is half conceded in a thick
bear, grasns his musket, and levels it at the
young giri's breast:
•Stand back,' or by , I will fire!*
Still the girl is firm. The bravo advances
a step and then starts back. Tin) sharps
click of the rifle fails with an unpleasant
emphasis apion Ins ear.
'Bess, I am dying,' gasps the old man,
faiutly extending his arms. 'Ha, ha. we
foiled the Biitiabers. Go roe, daughter,
knee! and say a prayer for me, and let me
fed your warm breath upon my lace, for I
am cold Oh, dark and eold.'
Look—A# those accents fail from the old
man's tongue, those fingers unloose their
hold of the rifle, already the troopers are
secure of one victim, at least, a young ami
beautiful girl; foraffectinu for tbe father i*
master ing the heroism of the ni?uient.—
Look, she is about to spring into his arms.
But now she sees her dinger. Acain she
clutches the rifle: again, although her fath
er's accents are in her ears, stands there,
pieparrd to scatter the house in ruins, if a
single rough Land assail that form.
There are a few brief, terrible moment*
down the man-iun; then a contest on the
stairs; then the eehos of a rifle shot, and
the light of rifle blaze, then these ruffian#
in the door fa!! crashed before tue strong
arras of the Continental soldiers. Then a
wiid shriek quivers through the room, and
that young girl that "Hero Woman"—
with one bound springs forward into her
brother's arms, and netles there, while her
dead father, hi* f ,rm yet warm, lies with
fixed eye-ballz upon the floor.
A CONTRADICTORY COUPLE.
Married life is bappy or unhappy, just as
people make it: and if there be one tbtng
inure than another which turns Elysium
into Topiiet. it is mutual contradiction.—
The wife likes to live in town, and the hus
band in the country; she likes tbe thermom
eter at seventy degrees, and he at forty
tw". She likes uiasic. which be hates, and
hates dancing, which he loves—and so a
very eat and dog life they lead. Here is a
sketch of a nice couple inimitably twld.
"I do believe," says he, taking the spooo
out or bis glass, and tossiDg it on the table,
"that of all the obstinate, positive, wrong
headed creatures that ever were born, you
are the ist so, Charlotte."
"Certainly, certainly, have it yonr own
way, pray. Y'ou see how much I contradict
vou," rejoins the lady.
"Of course, you didn't contradict me at
dinner time—oh no, not yon," replies the
gentleman.
"Yes, I did," says the lady.
"Oh, you did—you admit that," cries tbe
gentleman.
"If you call tbxt contradiction, I do,"
an*wer* the lady; "and 1 say again, E lward,
that when I know you are wrong, I wiil con
tradict yon. lam not your slave.
'•Not roy slave," bitterly answers the hus
band; "and you still mean to say that in tbe
Blackburns's new house there are not more
than fourteen doors, including tbe door of
the wine-cellar?"
"I uiean to say,? retorts, lite laly, beat
ing 'iae with her hair-brash upon the palm
of her hand, "that in that h">uo there are
fourteen doors, and no more."
Well, then, cries the gentleman, rising in
despair, and pac-ng the room with rapid
stridrs, "tlii* is enough to destroy a man's
intellect, and drive him mad!"
Uv-and-by the genrieuian co>ns too a
listle, ant, passing Lis hand gloomily across
hi* foreneau, reseats himself iu his former
chair. There is a long siteacc.ar.il by this
time tli3 lady begins:
"I appealed to Mr. who sat next
to me on the sofa in the drawing-room, du
ring tea."
"Morgan, you sorely mean," interrupt#
the irentleuian.
"I do irot not mean wiytLiog'of tb kind,"
answered the lady.
"Now, by ail that is impossible and
aggravating to bear, clenching hi® hand, and
looking upwards in agony, "#he-hi going to
insist that Morgan is Jenkins."
"Do you take me fr a perfect fool ?
Do you suppose I don't know the one from
the oiLer? Do yon suppose I don't know
the man in tbe biae coat was Jenkins?" says
the lady.
r'Jeukins In a blue coat!" cries the gen
tleman with a groan; "a man who would
suffer death rather than rear anything Int
brown!"
"Do you dare to charge me with an un
truth ?" demands the lady, bursting into
tears.
"I charge you, madam," retorts the gen
tleman, starting up, "with being a monster
of contradiction—a monster of aggravation
—a—a —a—Jenkins in a blue coat.' Wby
should I thus be doomed to Lear such state
ments I'*
SOMEBODY IN MY BED.
Y'arn after yarn had been spun, and the
hour for retiring had arrived; the landlord
was dozing behind his bar, and the spirit of
eonvetsation was beginning to flag, when
the Doctor whispered :o roe that if I would
pay attention he would : 'top off" with a
good one.
'I be'.ievc, Captain,' said the Doctor, 'I
never told you about hiy adventure with a
woman at my boarding bouse, when I was
attending the lectures!'
'No, let's have it,' replied the individual
addressed, who was a short fhbby, fa: man,
of about fifty, with a highly nervous tem
perament and a very red face.
'At the time 1 attended tbe lectures, 1
boarded at a Louse in which there wrre n 0
females but the landlady and an old colored
cook-—-'
Here the Doctor made a slight pause; and
the Ciptain, byway of requesting him to go
on, said—
' Well.'
'I often felt the want of female society to
soften the severe labor of deep study, and
dipel the ennai to which I was subject—'
'Well.' said the Captain.
'isol 3 1 ir-Ttru it... ICj. t
ancc among the ladies might iuterfere with '
my studies, I avoided tbem all—'
'Well.'
'One evening, after listening to a long
lecture on physical anatomy ,and dissecting
a large negro, fatigued iu body and mind,
I went to my lodgings.'
♦Well,' said tbe Captain.
'I went iuto the Lall, took a large lamp j
and went directly tv my room, it being af
ter one o'clock—'
'Well.'
'I placed the light upoD the table and
commenced undresing. I had hardiy go:
my coat off when my uttentitw was attract
ed to a dress and a quantity of pettiocats
iyiug on a chair near the bed—'
•Well,* said the Captain, who began to
show signs that hewus deeply interested.
•A pair of beautiful small shoes and
stockings on the floor. Of course I thought
it strange, and was about to retire, but then
I thought it was uty room, and I had at
least a rigbt to know who was in my bed."
'Exactly,' nodded the Captain, 'well-'
•So I took the tight, went softly to the
bed, and with a trembling hand drew aside
the curtain. Heavens! what a sight. A
young giri—l should say an angel—of about
eighteen, was there asleep—'
'Well,' said the Captain, giving his chair
a hitch.
'As I gated upon ber, I though that I nev
er witne*ed anything more beautiful.—
From underneath a little night cap, rival
ing tbe snow in whiteness, fella stray ring
let over a neck and shoulder of alabaster.
'Well,' said the excited Capuin, giving
his chair another hitch.
•Never did 1 look opon a bust more per
fectly formed. I took hold of the coverlid
and softly pulied it down—"
•Well,' said the Captaio, betraying the
utmost excitement.
•To tbe waist—'
•Well,' said tbe Captain, dropping the
paper and renewing tbe position of his legs.
'She had on a night dre*s, buttoned up
before, bnt softly J opened tbe two first but
tons—'
•WELL,' said the Captain, wrought to tbe
highest pitch of excitement.
'And then, ye gods! what a sight to gaze
vipoo. A Hebe—pshaw! words fail. Ju#t
then—'
'WELL.' s*k? the Captain, hitching his
chair and left, and squirting bis tobac
ck juice against the stove so that it fairiy
fizzled again.
'I thought that I was taking a ad
vantage of her, seized roy ycrat and hoot®,
and went sad slept in un. ther rxuu."
*li"6 a lie,' shouted the excited Captain
j -roping up and kicking ever his cLaitt -
"ITS A LIE"
VOL. 30, NO. 1.
(SINGULAR EFFECTS <>F ELKCTRT
LTTY.
A gentleman raiding f,. w n ,;i eJ oat of
town recently carried home a small electri
cal machine for making some experiment*.
As foon a he got homo, the negroes, a- usu
al, flocked around him, eager to see what
master had got. There was a boy atiicog
those darkies that had evinced a .-iron*
disposition to move things when they Vent
ed no moving, or, in other words, to pilfer
■ occasionally.
'Now, Jack,' said his master, 'look her*
this machine is to make people tefi the
j truth, and if yon have stolen anything, or
j lied to me, it will knock you down.'
'Why, master,'says the bov, 'I never
lied or stole anything in my life.'
I \N ell, take hoid of this,* aDd no sooner
had he received a slight shock than he fell
on his knees and bawled out—
'Oh master, I did steak your segara and
a little knife, and hare lied ever so many
' times: please to forgive me.'
The experiment was tried, with like suc
cess, upon half a doxen juveniles. At last
an oid negre, who had been looking on verv
attentively, stepped op.
•Master,'said be, 'let dis nigger try.
I),at are masheen is well enough to scar tho
children wid, but this nigger kno*3 bet- '
ter.'
The machine was then fully charged, and
he received a stunning shock. He looked
Srst at hi- hand, then at the machine, and
at lat rolling his eyes—
' Master,' said be, f it ain't best to know
too much. Dar's many a soul gits to bo
damned by knowing too much, an it* my
opinion that the debtl made dat masheen
just to ketch yer sou! afoul somehow, an I
reckon you had best just take an burn it
up, and have it done gone.
AN OBSTINATE CrsTOMta.—''Are you •
ao Odd Fellow?'
'No, sir. I've been married a week.'
'I mean do you belong to the Order cf
Odd Fe'Lw-?'
♦No; I belong" to the Order of Married
' """"" >
ATNTWJAR' FLOT? TLOLFCT >• V- ,
'No; I'ai a carpeiiter.*
'Worse and worse! Are jo# a Son of
Temperance?'
'Confoundyoa, no! lam son of Mr.
John Gosling.'
The querist wen' his way.
•What are yon staring at, sir, msy I ask?'
sale an iioperiaiocl, uxj'i-;tached *biood' to a
•H-Josier' o a Mississippi steamboat, who
bad be*n watching Lhv as a eat watches t
mouse, for some fifteen minutes.
'I thought s<>!' '.aclaimed the Booster,
the moment tie other spoke; 'I said you'd
got a month, and I was only waitln' to bo
ssrtin about t to ask you to 'liquor.*
Stranger, what"! ycu drink? or bad you
rather figni? I don't care which, myself.
Tuf RTGHT SPIRIT. —A young man who
presented himself at the polls in the First
Ward, Philadelphia, at the recent election,
had bis right to vote challenged by one of
the "better eiiizens,'* who had come from
old Ireland. This aroused the American
blood, and the challenged party afier having
proved his right to vote, threw down the
Locofoco ticket, exclaiming "I can't stand
this. I was born in this country," and
banded to the Inspector a full American
ticket.
He who marries for beauty only, ta like
a buyer of cbeap furniture—the varnish that
caught the eye will not endure the fireside
If you wish to cure a scolding wife, never
fail to laagh at bor with all your might un
til she ceases, then kiss ber. Sure cure and
no quack medicine.
One cf the toasts drank art a recent
celebration, was—■ Woman! She requires
no eulogy—she speaks for herself/
i A teacher bad been explaining to his
class the poiuts ot the compass, and all
were drawn up in front, towards the berth.
'Now what's before you, John?'
'The north, sir.'
♦And what's bebiud yon, Tommy?*
'My coat tail, sir, said be, trying at the
same lime to get a g-iaipse at it.
A youth? lawyer who had paid bis court
to a yonng lady without much advancing,
accused her oae day of being insensible to
the power of love. 'lt does not follow/
she replied 'that I am not to be won by the
power of an attorney*
Why would it be expensive to change ale
into vale ?.
Answer—Because it would take a V to
uO it.
Victor Hugo styles the printing press the
formidable 'locomotive ot universal thought.
Go-'d f 1 out Victor.
The iGgiuaw i Michigan) Fn'erprwe reo
; o saute uds Gov. Bingham a* the successor
Gen Cas* in the United States beasts.