REST
POSITS.
careful at-
k Valley.
ashier.
nderson.
, pure soul
may by the
unconscious
icter is not
a character
motives and
orth having.
that sweet
and dslicacy
a girl will
1g, but will
her associ-
°
3 that need
full of men
ed; full of
alf of their
nd sleep and
' have done
ir follies and
11, we say, of
y trade and
unt to any-
irreverent-
vithout due
1e allowance
hen we say
eary of their
It to improve
grow into a
self-denying
er. No pro-
ill give the
We know not
as measured
ve do know,
great way off
growth and
ich men and
r had any, as
that age of
ntil men are
men! Don’t
Shun evil
ur neighbor
1d shun the
success ever
may bring a
and purple
be like those
hes, and the
Yt be griev-
uns, and we
r to sing in
n our heart.
1s and trials
flying arrow,
ated by let-
ch it, absorb
d warm and
Pig Pen.
Hungry Sam
3 recorded by
ck Haven: It
ville Presby-
. Brown was
twenty-eight
lickens, two
plate of ice
d the quarter
» didn’t very
ney. It was
Eagles Mere,
18 eggs, shells
’., he won a
ried eggs in
le at Colum-
contest with
it of clothes
ive-eent pies
ilip Cain’s, at
ounds of raw
rm.
have no idea
have a name
the madam,
t will please
live for, any-
1e men think
ell, there is
e more pride
ame, and fix
oney in looks.
+ place with-
it, and what
re it doesn’t
ir place, get
opes and bill
d what pride
ake in using
8s don’t cost
ceep the boys
m being left
X.
3
mmo
OFFICIAL DIRECTORY.
Below will be found the names of the
various county and district officials. Un-
less otherwise indicated, their addresses
are, Somerset, Pa.
President Judge—Francis J. Kooser,
Member of Congress—A. F. Cooper, Union-
town, Pa. 2
State Senator—William C. Miller, Bedford,
Pa.
Members of the Assembly—J. W. Endsley,
Somerfield; L. C. Lambert, Lambertsville.
Sheriff —William C. Begley.
Prothonotary—Charles C. Shafer.
Register—Chas. F.Cook.
Recorder—John R. Boose.
Clerk of Courts—Milton H. Fike.
Treasurer—Peter Hoffman.
District Attorney—R. E. Meyers.
Coroner—Dr. S. J. H. Louther.
Commissioners—Josiah Specht Kantner;
‘Chas. F. Zimmerman, Stoyestown; Robert
Augustine, Somerfield. Solicitor—Berkey
& Shaver.
Jury Commissioners—C. R. McMillan, Lis-
tonburg; W. J. R. Hay, Lavansville.
Directors of the Poor—Chauncey F. Dick-
ey; Aaron F. Swank, Davidsville; William
Brant, Somerset, R. F. D. No. 5. Attorney
for Directors, H. F. Yost; Clerk, C. L. Shav-
€r.
Superintendent of Schools—D. W. Seibert.
Chairmen Political Organizations—F. M.
Forney, Republican; Alex. B. Grof, Demo-
cratic; R. M. Walker, Berlin, Prohibition;
Meat
~~
Market!
Take notice that I have opened a new
and up-to-date meat market in Salis-
bury, one door south of Lichliter’s store.
Everything is new, neat and clean,
and it is a model in every respect.
1 deal in all kinds of Fresh and Salt
Meats, Poultry, Fresh Fish, etc.
I pay highest cash prices for Fat Cat-
tle, Pork, Veal, Mutton, Poultry, Hides,
ete.
| GUARANTEE T0 PLEASE YOU
and want you to call and be con-
vinced that I can best supply your wants
in the meat line.
CASPER WAHL,
The Old Reliable Butcher.
THE “HOME RULE?”
Oil and Gasoline Gan.
SAFE- OLEAN- NEAT-CONVENIENT.
SIZE, 5 BAL,
pump A an,
waste is return
tothecan. Hasa
close fitting
Hin Hw Cover
over the top and
are rain, dirt and
evaporation tight.
This is the only
Ideal Family Can
and is needed in
every home where
Oll or Gasoline is
; does away
with the objection
of lifting and pour-
ing from large
Cans, and the an-
of faucets
that leak and
waste contents.
This is truly the
HOUSEKEEPER’S
FRIEND.
EVERY HOUSEWIFE SHOULD READ
§
* The Joy of Home Making.”
Send to us for a free copy at once.
{THE WINFIELD MANFE. CO., Warren, 0.
DO NOT ACCEPT SUBSTITUTES.
Sour
Stomach
No appetite, loss of strength, nervous-
ness, headachs, constipation, bad breath,
general debility, sour risings, and catarrh
of the stomach are all due to indigestion.
Kodol cures indigestion. This new discov-
ery represents the natural juices of diges-
tlon as they exist in a healthy stomach,
combined with the greatest known tonic
and reconstructive properties. Kodol Dys-
pepsia Cure does not only cure indigestion
and dyspepsia, Dut this famous remedy
cures all stomach troubles by cleansing,
purifying, sweetening and strengthening
the mucous membranes lining the stomach.
Mr. S. S. Ball, of Ravenswood, W, Va., says:—
** | was troubled with sour stomach for twenty years.
&odol cured me we are now using it in milk
for baby."
Kodol Digests What You Eat.
Bottles oly 2k 00 Sie Ilivg 2% 3% Nimes the trial
which sells
Prepared oe E. O. DeWITT 200. CHICAGO.
SOLD BY E. H. MILLER.
A Present Need.
Frost Cream for Chapped Hands,
Face and Lips; 15 and 25c. bottles at
the Elk Lick Drug Store. tf
FOR SALE!—Two nice Building
Lots in Beachy Addition No. 2 to Salis-
bury borough, together with about 2000
feet of lumber and a small one-story
building erected on one of the lots.
For terms apply to Harvey Tedrow,
Elk Lick, Pa. 3-8
Ask for Free Calendars and Alma-
nacs at the Elk Lick Drug Store. tf
DRESS SHIRTS !—The finest line that
ever came to town, at Hay’s Depart-
ment Store. Prices, 50e., 75¢. and $1.00.
tf C. T. Hay, Manager.
Headley’s Choice Chocalates and Bon
Bons in 34, ¥% and 1-1b.,boxes, always on
hand, and fresh, at the Elk Lick] Drug
Store. tf
Hot Water Bottles of all kinds, from
$1.00 up, at the Elk Lick Drug Store. tf
SHOE BARGAINS!—We have the
biggest and best stock of Men’s, Wom-
en’s and Children’s Shoes in town, and
we are offering special bargains in
Shoes at this time. Call and save
money. Hay’s DEPARTMENT STORE.
tf
Chest Protectors from 25c. up to
$2.00, at the Elk Lick Drug Store. tf
WANTED AT ONCE !—Two
good girls, either white or color-
ed, for kitchen work, at Hay’s
Hotel. Address D. I. Hay,
Lick, Pa.
H. G. Wilhelmi is ready right now to
serve you well in the line of Plumbing,
Tinning and Steamfitting. New shop
in Statler building. 2-22
Marriage Licenses.
Wm. BE. Maul.............. Bakersville
Nancy Cramer. ........... Indian Head
Louis Livengood.............. Addison
Myrtle McClintock. ........... Addison
Harry Gindlesperger...Brothersvalley
Emma Keefer............... Allegheny
Harry S. McClelland.......... Boswell
Mollie M. Baker......... Somerset bor
Ross R. Coleman........... Rockwood
Mary Critchfield............ Rockwood
Alvin F. Pritts........... Somerset twp
Cora Belle Dunmeyer....Somerset twp
Semuel Blough.............. Paint twp
Lydia Eash......... Seananea: Paint twp
Wm. K. Heiple................ Lincoln
Ida H. Miller.............. ..Lincoln
Clarence Yoder.......... Hooversville
Carrie E. Lohr........... .Conemaugh
Geo. E. Beatty........... Connellsville
V. Grace Cobaugh........ . .Rockwood
Douglass R. Stiles........ Somerset bor
Carrie Uhl Heflley....... Somerset bor
George Eash........... ...Conemaugh
Cora Ella Keater.......... Conemaugh
Reuben Wirick......... Quemshoning
Nettie M. Kaltenbaugh..Quemahoning
Joseph Toth................. Paint bor
Barbara Bene................ Paint bor
David P, Fisher............ Stonycreek
Lottie B. Weigle......... Somerset twp
REAL ESTATE TRANSFERS.
John M. Apsell to Wm. R. Gray, in
Middlecreek, $66.
H. A. Countryman to Samantha Hart-
zell, Somerset bor., $2300.
Wilmore Coal Co. to A. B Petticord,
in Windber, $675.
V. M. Black to Catherine Bird, in
Confluence, $1150.
Elias Fike to Annie Fike, in Sum-
mit, $2300.
John W. Ross to O. P. Shaver, in
Summit twp , $1800.
Donaldton Land Co. to Flora J. Laur-
bery, in Brothersvalley, $100.
Jacob Sarver to Jacob Fornwald, in
Berlin, $200.
* John Gohn to Gertrude Daniels, in
Jenner, $232.
J. E. Williams to same, in Jenner,
$214.
Henry Keister to C. B. Keister, in
Somerset twp, $4210.
Albert Koeppe to Wm. P. Cochrane,
in Meyersdale, $12,000.
N.V. Brettz to Edward Miles, in
Windber, $350.
Boswell Imp. Co. to Martin Blencas,
in Boswell, $350.
Wilmore Coal Co. to Wesley McCor-
mick, in Windber, $575.
R. Watkins to Lucinda Brant, in
Stonycreek, $1100.
F.IL Jeffreys to Charles Jeffreys, in
Addison, $500.
Chas. Pebley to Catherine Pebley, in
Shade, $300.
H. C. Matthias to P. H. Garletts, in
Rockwood, $800.
John D. Seihl to R. Bill, in Summit,
$400.
D. M. Fulton to Roman
Church, in Windber, $575.
D. P. McAlister to Meyersdale Coal
Co., in Somerset twp., $600.
Jacob Frankenstein to same, in Som-
erset twp., $200.
Slovak
J. H. Bird to Mary E. Glass, in Addi-
son, $3750.
Catherine Herrington to Henry
Swarner, in Black, $200.
Wm. Baker, Trustee to E. M. Baker,
in Milford, $2000.
Jacob P. Pritts to Mahlon Christner,
in Summit, $1200.
Magnificent Gibson Drawing Free.
A series of ten articles on pen and
ink drawing, illustrated with pictures
by Charles Dana Gibson, is the next
announced feature of the Sunday
North American. The articles, pre-
pared by experts. will be published in
the body of the paper.
The Gibson drawings which illustrate
them will be issued in the form of spe-
cial supplements. Each picture will
be printed on fine, heavy paper, in half-
tone black on a delicate buff back-
grou. .. Each drawing is 10 by 15
inches in size, and is ready for mount-
ing and framing.
There will be ten articles, each car-
rying a Gibson supplement to illustrate
it. The first subject is “The Weaker
Sex Under the Microseope.” This pic-
ture shows Gibson at his best, and con-
tains four heads of typical “Gibson |,
girls.”
The demand for the Gibson pictures
is certain to be unusually strong, and
the reader who wants all the picture
Supp) Sens and articles should sub-
geribe for ten weeks and secure them.
The publishers report an advance de-
mand unequaled by that created by
the announcement of any special feat-
ure.
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure
Digests what you eat.
| llest, most open-hearted,
7 - | 3
The Atonement
Remington tossed his cigar stub
into the grate, and lighted a eigar-
ette.
“I don’t know why I am telling
you all this,” he observed—*"I was
always one to contend against con-
fidences.”
He looked at me in a half-quizzi-
cal, half-tentative way, as though un-
consciously pleading for encourage-
ment.
I waited a second before I spoke.
“And I am at a loss to under-
stand why you haven’t told me be-
fore, considering what good friends
we've always been.”
I regarded him almost Ropeleasly.
I had never seen a fellow change so.
Up to the time of his marriage, five
or six years before, he was the jol-
ingenious
boy I had ever known. The wedding
took place in Ireland, and to an Irish
girl. She was reputed to be beauti-
ful, and as good as she was beauti-
ful. They lived together just three
months. After the separation Rem-
Ington was never the same.
No one ever knew the real cause
of the rupture. Neither vouchsafed
any explanation, and the public was
too wise, for once, to invent one.
When he came back home every-
thing he said to me was:
“Don’t ask me any questions,
Tom, I loved her—and I'm a broken-
hearted man.”
To-day for the first time he had
given me his confidence.
“She was youmg—very young. I
didn’t give her a chance—not even
half a chance. I don’t believe she
was guilty, after all!” he broke out
suddenly.
I looked at him closely. The ex-
pression on his face showed me that
he had suffered, and would continue
to suffer as few men do.
“I can almost believe that you are
still in love with the woman,” I re-
flected, after a silence.
Remington, too, was silent for a
time.
‘At least,” he remarked finally, ‘I
shall never care for any other.”
“Yet you divorced her,” I ob-
served, curiously.
‘‘My entire course was marked out
by impulse—flerce, passionate. Had
I loved her less, things might have
been different.”
As he spoke, he pulled out his
watch, and started with a little ges-
ture of surprise.
“You mustn’t think of teaving
without seeing my wife,” 1 objected,
laying a protesting hand on his arms.
“I want you to meet her; I nt you
to see what admirable taste I have in
selecting a companion. ‘“We’ve been
married just one year, and I think I
can truthfully say that she has prov-
en my ideal of a perfect woman.”
Remington smiled and passed a
reflective hand across his forehead.
We smoked away in silence for
several minutes, and presently the
door opened and my wife softly en-
tered the room.
She wore a dinner gown of pretty
pale yellow stuff that fell about her
in graceful scallops and made a faint
musical swish as she moved.
As she came further into the light
toward us, Remington stood up and
“I DID NOT GIVE HER A CHANCE.”
acknowledged my introduction with
a Jow bow. When he lifted his
face it was the color of ashes, and
the man seemed to have aged ten
years, in the ghostly glare of the
fire.
My wife had left the room to give
some order about the dinner, and
Remington turned to me with an
abrupt excuse for leaving.
“You will make my apologies to
your wife, old man? I'm positively
ill—too ill to keep up much longer.
Fact is, I’ve been feeling knocked
out all day, and wouldn't give in.
When I feel better, I shall be glad to
drop in on you both at some future
time.
Several months after leaving Lon-
don, Remington wrote the following
letter:
“Dear Old Tom—I do not need to
remind you of the conversation we
had on that last night at your house.
Do you remember all I told you
about her? You will recall that I
was more than half inclined to con-
demn my own action all the way
through. Well, since then certain
facts have come to my knowledge es-
tablishing her complete innocence
beyond the guestion of a doubt.
“God! how I've suffered! But it is
too late now for me to make any
reparation. She is married
married to one of the finest fellows
I know.
} “If you should ever chance to run
across her, I want you to remember
that she is innocent.
“Sincerely
ton.”
“And my wife, with her pretty
Irish Drogue, says she pities my
find, Reafngton.—N. C. R., in II-
ustrated Bits.
The Tantalus of the Fire
I must confess I stood at the door
with some trepidation. I had not
seen Muriel for a year; she had been
abroad. Once, indeed, I had heard
from her when there came a gift a
week after Christmas with her ecard:
“Please accept—even though I am
a little late’’—if Muriel had only
been speaking of-—ah! Muriel—Mu-
riel!
I a scribbler, she—ah! who would
give the girl he loves economy for
luxury, but perhaps I hoped. Per-
haps I should write a novel, the
great phantasmic novel—and per-
haps platonies would prove the en-
trance way’to love.
Perhaps—perhaps! And that was
why I stood there in trepidation—a
year is a long time.
In the library I sat by the fire.
The snapping flames builded a pal-
ace of dreams—the Riviera with
blue skies, the green of the grass,
the gold of the sunshine, the song of
the birds, the soft strings of a man-
dolin, our villa!
And Muriel, dainty, fragile, inno-
cent, brilliant, a rose, soft perfumed,
splendid, God’s handiwork, leaning
over my shoulder reading the great
novel; surely, a palace of dreams—
Tantalus of the Fire.
She put her slim hand in mine.
“Jarvis it’s good to see you.”
“I am still the same Jarvis—dear,
I hope: And are you still the same
Muriel?”
“Yes,” she said, very softly, ‘‘ex-
cept that 1 am the happiest girl in
the world. Oh! Jarvis, you shall
know first of all—I’m engaged!”
“Engaged?” 1 asked, quietly, so
quietly that I wonder now.
The Tantalus of the Fire smiled
as I leaned forward grasping the
vanishing Muriel. A log snapped,
the blaze died away. Something in
me snapped, too—the fire of my life
went out.
“Oh! Jarvis, wish me happiness.”
she begged almost sadly.
‘““Happiness!’”’ I said. “I wish you
the greatest happiness in the world.
We have been such friends, such
comrades, that gladly I pray you
may have entrance to the land of
the Heart’s Desire, to keep you, to
guard you, to save you from sadness
and sorrow.”
‘“Jack’s a dear. I have told him
about you; he wants to know you;
he’s upstairs; shall I bring him
down
“No,” I said, “if you don’t mind
we’ll postpone that. I'm just in town
for an hour, and I must rush in a
moment to catch my train; it goes
at 5.”
“Oh! I'm sorry; can’t you stay
with us for a time at least; you can
chum with Jack.”
“I fear not.”
“I'm sure you'll like him,” she
concluded.
“When I'm married,’ she said,
timidly almost, ‘‘you must come and
spend a month with us.’
How could I? How could I not?
Then suddenly the clock began to
chime—one-two-three-four-five.
“Oh! you've missed your train,”
she sald.
“There was no train,” I said—
eaven forgive me.
“Then you don’t want to meet
him?’ she asked, all sad.
“I could not yet. Good-by!” I sald
quickly, and I took her hand and
kissed it, gently, very, very gently.
She drew back half frightened.
“Oh! Jarvis, how could you?”
“How could I not?” I said, bro-
kenly; ‘but, Muriel, dear, I shall be
your .friend always—always. 1
pledge you Godspeed for your fu-
ture.’ Forget me, forget that I loved
you, because it 1s my sorrow deep
down in my heart that I was not
strong enough to be strong.”
“Forget you!” she said, and there
were tears in her eyes. ‘Forget my
Jarvis, my best friend, the best
friend a woman ever had, faithful,
honest, strong, true, always unselfish
—forget my Jarvis!’ and she leaned
forward and kissed me on the fore-
head.
As I walked away I looked back
and saw the tears sparkling in her
eyes. And the memory of her was
so strong upon me that I bowed my
head and sobbed and sobbed.
® ® » ® *
The great novel is still unwritten,
Muriel is still dainty, fragile, inno-
cent and Jack is a splendid man. I
see them both a good deal, and Mu-
riel still calls me dear Jarvis.
I have given up smoking and I
have not been to the theater for
many a day, but at least little Muriel
and little Jarvis have all manner of
wonderful toys and love their Uncle
Jarvis.
They climb on my knee and ask
me to tell them of my wonderful
palace across the sea. And I tell
them of the Riviera with blue skies,
blue seas, the green grass, the gold
of the sunshine, the song of the
birds, the soft tremolo of a mando-
lin, my villa with a lady—dainty,
fragile, innocent, brilliant, a rose,
soft perfumed, splendid, leaning over
my shoulder reading Uncle Jarvis’s
great novel. Ah! the Tantalus of the
Fire.—R. C. M., in Illustrated Bits.
Thinnest Breastplate.
Probably he thinnest and lightest
breastplate ever invented has just
been brought to the attention of the
Italian military authorities by Dr.
Guerraszi of Pisa, where tests have
been made by army experts. It pro-
tects the whole front against hand
weapons or bullets, and is less than
one-eighth of an inch thick. It can
de worn under ordinary clothing
without causing any observation.
Only twc and three-fifths children
pak to every American family—and
the Amerfean family still figuring to
cancel the fraction.
NN
S By Victor Lauriston.
ee
In an hour more the Leda would
sail. Walter Dumont, puffing at his
cigar, mused on all that this meant
to him. Six weeks had passed by
since he first met Estelle. Six weeks!
And what had she not become to him
in those six weeks and now, this
‘morning, their fdrewell. Estelle
would go with Mrs. Lascelles, the
stately, freezing chaperone. This
morning the Leda was to sail; and
they sailed on the Leda.
Then he must go back to the
broad West, to his business, and she
to England, to play the lady on the
estates of her tyrannous old step-
father, the baronet. In time she
would inevitably forget him. Could
he inevitably forget her? But what
a distance there was between the
daughter—even the step-daughter—
of the English baronet, and the
young colonial merchant!
He threw away his cigar, and
strolled down toward the wharf.
There he was to meet her once more,
at the last moment, to say good by.
He stood with his hat in his hand,
and his hands behind his back, look-
ing about.
Huge, black, imposing, the ocean
liner lay at her moorings. The
wharf was crowded with people, pas-
sengers, stevedores, porters. His
keen eye took it all in at a glance;
and in a distant, deserted corner,
amid innumerable parcels, a gray
traveling dress that meant—Estelle.
“Mrs. Lascelles is terribly ner-
vous,” she said. ‘‘I have her quite
worked up with the fear of being left
Fr G OF
THE LED
¢‘ MRS. LASCELLES IS VERY NERVOUS.”
behind, and she has gone on board,
and daren’t set foot again on the
wharf. I promised to stay here and
see that John didn’t forget any of
the hundred and one souvenirs of
Quebec and the Thousand Islands.
He will be back soon for the parcels
—and for me!”
{“We have a good while yet,” he
sald. “Let us walk up to the park.
“What would you do if you were
to miss the Leda?” .
She shuddered.
“Mrs. Lascelles is on board, and
she has all the money—and daren’t
set foot on the wharf to save her
life—and I am alone here, where I
know no ene, whereno one knows me!
What could I do?” She laughed
nervously.
“You would have to marry me!”
he said boldly.
“What would papa say?’ she
whispered, in a frightened voice.
“Would he care?” Walton re-
joined sharply. ‘You are of age, free
to choose. Do so! I am here! There
is the Leda. Choose. If you love me
you will miss the Leda.”
She drew back, frightened. He re-
leased her hand.
“Oh, see how far we have gone!”
she cried, glancing away down the
long path to the wharf. “I can’t get
there in time. No, no! Don’t come
with me. I’ll run. Good by—"
She ran down the walk toward
where the liner lay waiting. Dumont
erushed his hat over his eyes,
clasped his hands behind him, and
gazed moodily after her. She had
been free to choose. She had chosen
She was going with the Leda.
He paced slowly across the park,
down toward the busy street. A lit-
tle summerhouse lay close by his
path. It was in a quiet corner, usu-
ally little frequented; yet he, re-
turning from where he had stood,
could not have missed it. He glanced
through the veil of green foliage,
and caught a glimpse of somgthing
gray. He heard a soft sound of sob-
bing. He stepped across the thresh-
old. Blue eyes looked up at him
from a tear-stained face.
“Estelle!” he cried.
“I ran as fast I could, but I missed
it. I couldn't help it. I'm so
sorry—"’
“I'm glad!” and he laughed. “You
know what it means. Old Mrs. Las-
celles—"’
“John was waiting and I sent her
a note by him,” she replied inno-
cently, then caught her breath.
He stared at her, dumbly amazed
at this revelation of feminine logic
and feminine duplicity. But he sald
nothing. It was enough for him to
know that she was willing to pay
the penalty prescribed for
the Leda.
“A man,” said the young widow,
“usually marries a woman because
he loges her.”
“And a woman,” rejoined the old
bachelor, ‘usually marries a man be-
cause he asks her.”
ROUGH ON THE-ARTISY
Chances are He May Stil Be Wait
ing on the Farmer.
“Well,” said Farmer Briggs to the
artist, “how much will ’ee paint my
barn with me standing at the door
for?”
“Oh, five guineas,” said the artist
“Done,” said the farmer. “Come to
morrow.”
In due course the painting was fin-
ished. But, alas! the careless artist
quite forgot to paint in the worthy
farmer on the picture of his farm.
“Yes; I like it,” said the farmer;
“but where’s me, lad—where’s me?”
The error he had made flashed
across the artist, but he tried to pass
is off with a joke.
“Oh,” he said ‘“you’ve gone inside
to get my five guineas.”
“Oh, have I?” said the nettled old
fellow; “p’r'aps I'll be comin’ out
soon, and if I dew I'll pay you; in the
meantime we’ll hang it up and wait.”
—The Bystander.
A Disclaimer.
Rat-a-tat-tat!
The old soldier stood on the door-
step and listened.
“Washing-day,” he muttered;
luck here, that's pretty sure.”
“] expect it's only another both-
ering beggar—drat ’em!” muttered the
sharp-faced woman within, as she has-
tily snatched her hands from the
steaming washtub and marched grim-
ly forward to meet the base disturber
of washing-day’s ancient rites and
ceremonies.
“If ye please, mum, muttered the
ancient hero, “I've lost my leg—*
“Well, I ain't got it!” snapped the
woman fiercely.
And the door closed with an awful
bang.—Answers.
“no
-
UP TO HIM.
i a tl
i i
He—What can be worse than taking
a kiss without asking for it?
She (absently)—Asking for a kiss
without taking it.
Knew the Answer.
A class was reciting in school the
other day.
“Who can give me,” said the teach-
er, “a sentence in which the words
‘bitter end’ are used?”
Up jumped a little girl excitedly.
“I can, teacher. ‘The cat ran under
the bureau, and the dog ran after her
and bit her end.’ ”—Tit-Bits.
But She Didn't Know.
“Really—er”—stammered the gossil.
who had been caught red handed, “I'm
afraid you overheard what I said about
you. Perhaps—er—I was a bit too
severe——""
“Oh, no,” replied the other woman,
“you weren't so severe as you would
have been if you knew what I think
of you!”—Jugend.
Not What He Thought.
A gentleman riding with an Irish-
man came within sight of an old gal-
lows, and, to display his wit, said:
“Pat, do you see that?”
“To be sure Oi do,” replied Pat.
“And where woukd you be today iif
the gallows had its due?”
“Oi'd be riding alone,” replied Pat.
The Difference.
The famous Dr. Johnson was discov-
ered one day by Mrs. Johnson, kissing
one of her serving maids.
“Why, Dr. Johnson,” said the wife,
“I am surprised.”
“No,” said the recreant husband,
“that is not exactly right, dear. I am
surprised; you are astonished!”
A Reasonable Query.
“Papa!” little Johnny began.
“Now what do you want?” asked his
suffering father, with the emphasis
on the ‘“now.”
“Will my hair fall off when it's ripe
like yours ?”—Tit-Bits.
Limited Opportunities.
First Tramp—One-third of a man’s
life is spent in sleep.
Second Tramp—And another third
in jail, and what time does that leave
a feller for the practice of his profes-
sion?—Exchange.
Genevieve Guessed It. °
Algernon—You must not think, dear-
est, that because you are rich and I
am poor I am trying to marry you on
account of your money.
' Genevieve—Whose are you after—
pa’s?
The New Organ.
“How many stops has that organ
you bought your daughter?”
“Five—breakfast, dinner, tea, sup-
per and bed!”—Judy.
Used to Trouble.
Proud Parent—If you call in ¢
evening you will probably hear
daughter singing.
Friend—Oh, 1 shan’t mind that,
ought to hear the fellow dowdy
way practicing on the cornet. Ibis
simply awful.”—Answers.
ses FE