The Somerset County star. (Salisbury [i.e. Elk Lick], Pa.) 1891-1929, February 01, 1906, Image 8

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‘Murphy Bros.
RESTAURANT!
ZAIN
Headquarters for best Oysters, Ice
Cream, Lunches, Soft Drinks, etc.
Try our Short-Order Meals—Beef-
steak, Ham and Eggs, Sausage, Hot
- Coffee, ete.
Meals to Order at All
Ae. Hours! ess
We also handle a line of Groceries,
Confectionery, Tobacco, Cigars, etc.
We try to please our patrons, and we
would thank you for a share of your
buying.
MURPHY BROTHERS,
McKINLEY BLOCK, SALISBURY, PA.
Tho difference between Hitting andMissing {sthedif-
flerence between an Accurate and an Inaccurate Arm.
Choose wisely—discriminate! Get a STEVENS!
erty years of experienceis behind our fried and
Proved line of
RIFLES, PISTOLS, SHOTGUNS
Rifle Telescopes, Ete.
Ask yourdealerand Insist | Send Ac! i gid oi
oi page c
oA the SIE Ifyou | i entire STRVENS line.
cannot obtain, ¥e shipdl-| p,ofugelyfliustrated, and
rect, express prepaid,on | contains points on Shoot-
receipt of catalog price. !ing, Ammunition, Etc.
Beautiful three-color Aluminum Hanger will be for-
warded for 10 cents in stamps.
J. STEVENS ARMS AND TOOL CO.
P.O Box 4056
< CHICOPEE FALLS, MASS, U.S.A. e
THE SALISBURY HACK LINE
o AND LIVERY. ™~
C.W. STATLER, - - Proprietor.
ow
0 hacks daily, except Sunday, be-
tween Salisbury and Meyersdale, connect-
ing with trains east and west.
Schedule:
Hack No. 1 leaves Salisbury at
Hack No. 2 leaves Salisbury at .
Returning, No 1 leaves Meyersdaleatl P.M
No.2 leaves Meversdale at 6 P.M
DEF = First claxs rigs for all kinds of trav-
@l,at rensonable prices.
MET SRE ERS
i KELL m= COUCH
ga CURE tHe LUNGS
«fir. King's
Mew Discovery
OWSUMPTION Price
QOUGHS and 50c $1.00
oLBS Free Trial.
§ Surest and Quickest Cure for all
THROAT and LUNG TRO
LES, or MONXY BACK.
ano TAR
An improvement over all Cough,
Lung and Bronchial Remedies.
Cures Coughs, Strengthens the
Lungs, gently moves the Bowels.
Pleasant to the taste and good
alike for Young and Old.
Prepared by PINEULE MEDICINE CO.,Chicage, U. 3.4,
SOLD BY ELK LICK PHARMACY.
PERHAPS AN ERROR
The Old Man Tried to Explain WN
Away to His Satisfaction.
“Uh-huh! Yo’ is, is yo'?”’ pessimis-
tically inquired good old Brother
Brownback.
“Yes, sah!” pompously replied the
semi-educated young colored man. “I
am called by the Lord to preach the
Gospel to a sin-sick and waiting
world!” ’
“Hum-m-m! Dat mought be de case
and den ag’in it moughtn’t. Fum what
I knows of yo’ general debility, sah,
I's sawtuh declined to s’picion dat dar
am a deflection im yo’ specifica
tion. Mebby yo’ is called by de Lawd,
like yo’ ’lows yo’ is; and ag’in, it's
bar’ly possible dat dar am suthin’ ree
diculously wrong wid yo’ hearin’ or
else de Lawd done made a mistake
and got the names mixed.”—Puck.
He Lasted Well.
They were in the family portrait
section of the gallery, and it seemed
to ®iiss Golightly that her English
visitor was deeply impressed.
“Yes, these are all my ancestors,”
she said, proudly. “Now, this is my
great-great-grandfather, when he was
a young man, of course. Isn't he
handsome? My grandfather used to
tell my mother that his grandfather—
that’s this one—was a splendid look-
ing man as long as he lived, and as
popular with women as with men be-
cause he was such a hero.
“Brave? I guess he was! Why, he
never fought in a battle that he didn't
lose an. arm of a leg or something,
from being right in front of every-
body. He was in twenty-three engage-
ments! ”"—Youth’s Companion.
A MISTAKE.
Teacher—Willie Give me a sentence
containing the word delight.
Willie My mother puts
\ight when I'm in bed.
And Still She Isn't Satisfled.
“What's Maude crying about now?”
“Oh, she asked her husband if he
would marry again in case she died,
and he declared that he wouldn't.”
“Well, nothing wrong about that.”
“No; but you should have heard
him say it.”—Louisville Courier-Jour-
nal.
out de
Still Has Them.
“1 understand Mrs. Vick-Senn and
her husband had some high words yes:
terday.”
“It’s true so far as it relates to her.
He may have had a few words also,
but he didn't get a chance to use
them.”—Chicago Tribune.
Effective.
“Did you give your wife that lecture
on economy you said you were going
to?"
“Yes; you bet I did!’
“iiave any effect?”
“Ye-e-s, I'm going to make my last
winter's suit do for this winter.,"—
Houston Post.
The Time, to Climb.
Climb the ladder of fame while you
are young. Not only is your wind
better and your avoirdupois less then,
but people are not so likely to make
irritating remarks about your making
a monkey of yourself.—Puck.
Next.
She—I want something to make the
bread rise.
Floorwalker—Alarm clocks third
counter to the right.
What She Desires.
“It may not be your intention,” re-
marked Miss Gaddie, “but doesn’t it
occur to you that your treatment of
me is rather calculated to make us
bad friends?”
“No,” replied Miss Kandor, coolly,
“] had an idea it would make us
good enemies.”—Philadelphia Press.
TORNADO
Bug Destroyer
and Disinfectant.
An Exterminator
That Exterminates.
A Modern Scientific Preparation.
A Perfect Insectids,
Gsrmicide and Deodorizer.
Will positively prevent
Contagious Diseases.
Positive Death to
All Insect Lifes
And their nits or money refunded.
Sold by all druggists or sent by mail,
Price 28 Cents.
TORNADO MFC. CO.,
Columbus; Ohio.
Deeply ingrained.
“What kind of a man is old Whee
zicks?” asked the newcomer.
“Wheezicks?” said the other. “He's
the contrariest, most selfish old
wretch that ever lived. When one of
his teeth aches there’s not another
tooth in his mouth that sympathizes
with it.’—Chicago Tribune.
Poor Fellow.
“Blusher is the most bashful man
I ever knew.”
“How on earth, then, did he come
to get married?”
“He was too bashful to refuse.”—
Answers.
One Economy.
“Old Jones must be very rich. Three
of his daughter have had the operation
for appendicitis.”
“Oh, I don’t know! It doesn't re-
quire any clothes.”—Life.
Reasonably Certain.
Though one-half of the world doesn’t
know
How the other half lives,” no doubt
The feminine half of that half
Is doing its best to find out.
—Philadelphia Ledger,
THE BISHOP AND THE DRUJNISY
——
Te the Young Man's Disappointment
the Joke Was on Him.
One day a bishop chanced into the
shop of a druggist who was very fond
of a joke—on somebody else. The
druggist, wishing to have a joke at
the bishop's expense, asked:
“Bishop, can you tell me the dif-
ference between an ass and a bishop?”
The bishop could not
“Well,” sald the druggist, smiling
all over, “an ass carries its cross (bur-
den) upon its back, but a -bishop ear
ries his cross (of gold) on his breast.”
. “Very good,” replied the bishop, and
then continued: “Now then, my friend,
can you tell me the difference between
an ass and a druggist?” :
After some hesitation the druggist
answered: “No, sir, I can't.”
“Neither can I,” retorted the bishop
a8 he walked out.
DIFFERENCE.
“Law's Sakes! dis chile am de tun-
niestt Ah seed him in the ribber
swimmin’ like a fish; but golly! he am
pow’'ful ’fraid of dis little pail of
water!”
Poet and Fool.
This story of Alexis Piron,- the
French poet and epigrammist, is told
by the writer of “French Men of
Letters.”
Piron was unfortunate enough to be
arrested one night by a watchman in
the streets of Paris, and was taken the
following morning before the lieuten-
int of police, who haughtily interro-
zated him concerning his business or
profession.
“I am a poet,” was the reply.
“Oh, Ho! a poet, are you?” sald
the official. “I have a brother who is
a poet.”
“Then we are quits,’ rejoined Pir-
on, “for I have a brother who is a
fool.”—King.
They Had Theirs Off.
Little Sue Brown wag allowed to
stand on the staircase and feast her
eyes on the beautifully dressed decol-
lete ladies at her mother’s party. Pres-
ently she beckoned to her mother and
anxiously whispered:
“Mother, may I take off my guim-
pe?”
“Mercy, no,” sald her mother; “it
is the middle of winter, and you
would take your death of cold.”
“Well,” sald Sue regretfully, “look
there; Mrs. Jones and Mrs. Smith
have theirs off.”—Exchange.
A 8ure Thing.
A doctor who posed as something -of
a wit was passing a stone-cutter’s
yard, when he stopped to speak to the
proprietor, who was at work on a
tombstone. :
“Ah,” said the doctor, “I sippose
when you hear some one is ill you get
ready for contingencies; though, of
course, I suppose, you never go be-
yond the words, ‘In memory of’ —"’
“Well, that all depends,” was the
response. , “If you be a-doctoring of
the pattent I goes right on.”—Harper's
Weekly.
His Excuse.
“Here, waiter, there's a cockroach
in this soup,” angrily exclaimed the
customer in the restaurant.
“That's the one great trouble with
this restaurant,” said the waiter as he
carefully removed the cockroach. “The
cook makes such good soup that ev-
erything goes after it.”—Milwaukes
Sentinel.
What Indeed?
Young Thorne (to fis ideal)—And
your name is Rose? What a ‘sweet
name Rose is!
Rose—I am glad you like it. But—
but—but I do not want to be a rose
without a Thorne.
What could a fellow say after that?
Why, Certainly.
Mercy—I would never marry a man
I did not love.
Maude—But suppose a real wealthy
man should propose?
Mercy—I should love him, of course.
Raise Your Song.
Rough road an’ dark road—
Mighty stormy weather,
But raise your song,
Brave heart an’ strong,
An’ we’ll feach home together!
—Atlanta Constitution.
She Knew Better.
Gladys—I don’t like this egg, auntie,
it’s not good.
Auntie—Nonsense, dear, it was only
laid yesterday.
Gladys—Well, then it must have
been laid by a bad hen.—Bystander.
“So you can’t see any way of get-
ting out of the engagement honor-
ably?”
“Not unless I can lick five brothers;
all bigger than I am.”—Life.
© RAGING THE PRESSURE
TE :
And Delivering a Het Alr Sermon at
: ; Same Time.
“Mr. Kiljordan,” said the young man
with the bill, “would it be convenient
for you to——"
“No, it wouldn't!” stormily inter-
rupted Kiljordan, looking up with
blood in his eye. “You addlepatad
idiot, .don’t you know enough mot to
interrupt a man when he’s at work?
The payment of this installment isn’t
due till tomorrow, anyhow, "you dad-
dinged lunkhead! For half a cent
['d throw you out of the window! Take
your gum-dasted face out of here or
rn—"
The terrified youth waited to hear
no more. He darted out through the
door and made for the stairway, down
which he went three steps at a time.
“What ails you, Kiljordan?” asked
the man at the other desk. ‘“Why did
you try to scare that boy half to
death?”
“I've no grudge against the boy,”
he answered, turning to his work; “but
[ couldn't swear at the woman with
the gentle manner and the neighbor-
kood charity scheme, who had buzzed
me for half an hour before he came
In, and I had to let out om somebody.”
—Chicago Tribune. x
Mere Opinion.
There will be no escaping on tech-
nicalities at the last judgment.
The whiteness of a golf ball wears
Sf almost as rapidly as the novelty
Jf being a father.
Two swelled heads mot not better
than one.
When charity was invented the re-
turning of conscience maney was made
easy.
It appears to be impossible for a
woman to know how to make baby
clothes and have a working knowledge
of the rules of bridge.
Investigation will show that the men
who awoke to find themselves famous
did a lot of hard work before going to
bed.
Seme women will ind heaven a very
dismal place if it has mo shop win-
dows.
A girl seldom marries her idedl,
wlirich is one reason why there is so
much happiness in the world.—Chi-
cago Record-Herald.
No Discourtesy intended.
A young sport with loud hose and a
Panamsg hat, a cigarette and a peari-
handled “parasol” got off the east-
bound train Wednesday. He walked
over town and dropped into a restaur-
ant on Main street and ordered a veal
cutlet. The walter soon brought in
the order and placed it before his
Nibs the Sport. “Do you call that a
veal cutlet? Why, that's an insult
to a calf to eall that a veal cutlet,”
gaid the sissy boy. “I didn't mean
to insult you, sir,” said the waiter.—
Supulpa, I. T., Light.
Had Seen Her.
“There are great things in store for
you,” said the fortune teller to the
young man; “but there will be many
obstacles to overcome. There is a
woman continually crossing your path,
a large woman with dark brown hair
and eyes. She will dog your footsteps
untiringly.”
“Yes—I know who that is.”
“Ah, you have seen her?”
“Yes; she's my washerwoman.”—
Milwaukee Sentinel.
Good Reason.
-“You may send me -only half the
usual quantity of meat until further
notice,” sald the customer who keeps
a boerding house.
_ *What's the matter, foum; some of
your boarders leaving?’ asked the
butcher, sympathetically.
“Oh, no,” was the reply, “but three
of my gentlemen boarders are Im
love.”—Tit-Bits.
Superior.
“] have just been reading of the
Mayflower,” said Mrs. Cumrox.
“One of my ancestors eame over in
that boat,” said the visitor.
“Indeed? Wel. I am quite sure
none of my people would ever have
been satisfied with such inferior ac-
eommodations.”—Washington Star.
Beneath Her.
Mrs. Hicks—But why didn’t you buy
the material if you like it?
Mrs. Nuriteh—The salesman said it
was domestic dress goods.
Mrs. Hicks—Well? «
Mrs. Nyritch—You don't suppose I'd
wear anything meant for domestics,
do you?—Philadelphia Ledger.
Family Pride.
. Young Johneon had proposed to the
beautiful Miss Smith.
“No, Clarence,” she answered him,
sadly but firmly. “If I married you
there would be one less Smith and one
more Johnson—and you already out-
number us in the city directory.”—
Chicago Tribune.
After the Honeymoon.
Helen—Poor, dear George must be
voting himself to that wretched War
Office business strictly.
Florence—What makes you think
so, dear?
Helen—Why he only writes to me
twice a day now!
Knew Her Man.
* Boarder (warmly)—Oh, I know ev-
ery one of the tricks of your trade.
Do you think I have lived in boarding
houses twenty years for nothing?”
Landlady (frigidly)—I shouldn't be
at all surprised.—The Bystander.
Even-Tempered.
“Is your husband even-tempered?”
“Yes,” answered Mrs. Wurryd. “He's
just about as irritable one day as
another.”
@
a service to
Mail booklet— free for the
ASSETS $15,000,000.00
LAUREL
We
1.0 1] 1X! Sel] It.
West Salisbury Feed Co.
WE Buy Laurel; get trading stamps on all
goods sold at our store.
Why Buy McClure’s?
McClure’s Magazine is bought and read in homes not because it is a magazine, but
because it is the magazine. Why?
FIRST—THE PRICE. It costs but one dollar a year, or less than ten cents a num-
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tual bulk to twenty or twenty-five books costing anywhere from a dollar to two dollars a
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SBECOND—QUALITY. The reading matter is written by America’s leading writers
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THIRD—TIMELINESS. The reading matter in McClure’s is not only good; it is
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FOURTH—ITS CHARACTER McClure’s Magazine is not edited for children, but
at the same time, there is never a line in it that any young girl might not read. Its ad-
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McClure’s Magazine
in your home is intended to work only for good. Send $1.00 to-day for one year’s subscrip-
tion, or leave nn order at your book-store. November and December free with new sub
scriptions for 190¢t. :
8. 8. MeCLURE COMPANY, 47 East 23d Street NEW YORK.
You ean enrn a good income by taking up the business of securing subscribers for
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YOU ARE TO BE THE JUDGE!
We will send you, FREIGHT PREPAID, upon receipt of
your request, one of our FAULTLESS :
SPRUNG:
WASHING MACHINES
for thirty days’ u are not satisfied
that it is the best washer made, and at the most reasonable
price, return it at our nse. -
NG ja the only washer Nin the SycTion Sud EQUI
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PL CI Tn: ne ®
t washes an; g from the daintiest fabric to the coarsest
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AAT uf (on, Toots prone aor |
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ERICAN MFC. CO. 7 to 9 Main St. Lockland, Ohio.
Can build & cheap b: but it wires skille
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Australian wool ago dyed Bros clothe
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LING & VANSICKLE BUGGY 0.
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No appetite, loss of strength, nervous-
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mile
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When you take a drink for
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Philadelphia, Pa,
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