THE RAT AND HIS FOE.
FERRETS ARE THE NATURAL ENE.
MIES OF THE GREAT PEST.
Rats Are Divided Into Three Kinds,
and Are Essentially a Social Animal—
They Will Eat or Drink Almost Anything
. —The Flexible Ferret and His Ways.
! Comparatively. few persons know:
anything definite about rats, beyond
%he fact that such animals exist. They
‘are supposed to be an article of staple
‘diet in China, and in every other coun-
fry of the world, says the New York
Mail and Express, are exterminated
‘at the expense of much loss and trou-
ible, and yet there is a book published
on the subject of rats and ferrets,
the ferret being the natural enemy of
the rat, and consequently being natu-
rally included in any remarks which
may be made about rats.
Rats are divided into three classes,
the black, the brown and the water
varieties. The most common variety
is the brown rat, which was originally
brought from Norway to this country
about 1775. Before this time the indi-
genous black rat had things all his
own way in this country, but the im-
ported rat rapidly exterminated the
home product. The original black
rat is practically extinct, whereas the
frown rat is found everywhere. This
is because the brown rat is the larger
ahd bolder and most ferocious.
i That the rats in previoustimes wes
considered quite as great a nuisance
as they are at present is witnessed by
fhe fact that there was in England an
official rat catcher to the king. This
individual was usually a gypsy and
wore a scarlet coat, embroidered in
vellow worsted, with figures of rats
destroying wheat sheaves. He also
carried a heavy staff surmounted .by
the insignia of his office, which he al-
ways bore while taking part in royal
pageants. He also had an attendant,
who took no part in the processions,
but who did the main part of the work,
and was munificently rewarded by
the princely wage of twopence a
month.
The rat is essentially a social animal,
and he habitually herds with his kind.
In the cold weather a whole colony of
rats, composed usoally of about sixty,
sleep together in a heap for mutual
srarmth, and they change from the
bottom to the top of the heap in order
to give each rat a chance at the warm
spot at the bottom. This unselfish-
ness, however, does not exist when
the rats are hungry. Then they eat
each other. If the mother rat does
not get enough to eat she eats her
young. Rats also eat their dead and
infirm, which accounts for the fact
that sick rats are never found at large.
Where a number of rats are confined
in a cage it is nouncommon occurrence
for all the rats except one to combine
and kill and eat one ill-fated compaf-
ion:
The multiplying capacity of rats is
prodigious. A writer has calculated
that from a single pair of New York
rats there will spring, in three years,
650,000 descendants.
+ There is practically nothing which
a rat will not eat or drink. They will
drink all kinds of liquor, and are par-
ticularly fond of oil, and it makes no
difference to the rat whether whatever
he eats or drinks is fresh or not. In
fact, he rather prefers decaying meat
and stale drink. All rats are inebri-
ates, and get as drunk as they can
whenever possible.
they lie around in drunkenheaps, and
are consequently easily captured.
Those who have eaten rats say that
they are pretty good food and taste
not unlike rabbit.
As has been said, the ferret is the
natural enemy of the rat, and seems
to have been created for the sole pur-
pose of exterminating the tribe. For
this purpose the ferret is eminently | paratory to theadmission ofastranger.
fitted by nature. Both in head and
body the ferret isflexibility itself, and
he can go anywhere that arat can. A
ferret is a cross between a mink, a
martin and a polecat.
The ferret is a comparatively do-
mesticated animal, and will readily
become attached to its owner, but it
is a very treacherous little animal, and
when irritated will bite even the per-
son by whom it has been accustomed
ta be fed. When bitten by a ferret
the hand should never be withdrawn.
The moment a ferret feels whatever
he has bitten resisting, he instantly
fastens upon it with the tenacity of a
vise, and in order to make a ferret
give up its hold it is frequently neces-
sary to cut its head off.
Ferrets not‘only kill rats, but they
eat them. A ferret will devour an
entire rat, including skin and tail,
which carnivorous quality marks his
chief usefulness. The ferret does not
kill the rat in the wall and then
leave him to decay, but he absolutely
eliminates the rat and removes him
internally. When a ferret is finished
with a rat there is no rat, and there is
no known case where a rat, however
large and ferocious, has killed a ferret.
- Feeding Army Elephanta,
Elephants in the Indian army are
fed twice a day. When meal time ar-
rives, they are drawn up in line be-
fore a row of piles of food. Each an-
imal’s breakfast includes ten pounds
of raw rice, done up in five two-pound
packages. The rice is wrapped in
leaves and then tied with grass. At
the command, ‘‘Attention!”’ each ele-
phant raises its trunk and a package
is thrown into its capacions mouth.
By this method of feeding, not a sin-
gle grain of rice is wasted.
Lunacy in London.
The report of the asylums commit-
tee of the London county oouncil
shows there has been an alarming in-
crease in lunacy during the last nine
years, sapecially in London. While
- the population of London is 14.59 of
the inhabitants of England, London's
proportion of insane persons is 19.87.
In the breweries -
THIS WELL SPOUTS CLAY.
It Is Also a Sure Indication of What
© the Weather Ts ag to Be.
The government artesian well a
Lower Brule Indian agency in South
Dakota, is a freak that is puzzling the
geologists of the Northwest. Origi-
nally the pressure threw the solid six-
inch stream of water to a height of
twenty-one feet above the top of the
well casing.
Soon after the well was completed
the pipe would become choked, and at
such times the water would not flow
for two or three days ata time. Then
without apparent cause the pipe sud-
denly would become clear and the
water would again spout to its former
height. After continuing for a few
days, during which time it almost
constantly spouted large quantities of
sand, the water once more would be-
come choked and cease to flow. This
became so frequent and so regular that
in time the agency anthorities became
accustomed to it and paid no particu-
lar attention to the freakishness of the
well, which is constantly under their
observation.
ut now. the matter has taken anew
and more peculiar turn, Arrivals from
the agency say that beginning about
three weeks ago the well at inter-
vals has been forcing out apparently
endless quantities of blue clay. This
in itself is nothing strange, but the
manner in which the clay is conveyed
to the surface is out of the ordinary.
The blue clay entirely fills thesix-inch
pipe during the temporary eruptions,
and rises slowly above the top of the
casing, exactly as sausages emerge
from a sausage machine, until the ton
is so high in the air that it becomes
overbalanced; then five or six feet of
the length topples over upon the
ground.’ The continued upward move-
ment of the clay in afew minutes
causes more of the column to topple
over. This has continued until circu-
lar pieces of the blue clay aggregating
several hundred fzet in length have
been deposited on the ground in the
vicinity of the well, necessitating the
employment of men to remove the
huge deposits before the top of the
casing should become completely
buried. The discharges of blue clay
are accompanied by very little water,
and the clay, probably from the great
pressure required to force it through
the well casing, is always hard and
dry. -
Another peculiarity is that these
eruptions invariably begin a short time
prior to the advent of windy or stormy
weather, and continue until the
weather again becomes settled.—Chi-
cago Record.
The Etiquette of the Desert.’
Social etiquette among the Arabs is
, a factor in life to be considered seri-
ously if you wish to live among them
without friction. Its obligations are
not to be completely mastered in a
few months. Sometimes when I have
had companions with me presumably
thoroughly au fait with all things Mo-
hammedan, the harmony of the occa-
sion has been seriously endangered By
some thoughtlessness or ignorance on
their part, which to the Moslem could
appear only as a contemptuous want
of consideration. - Thus, no greater
insult could be offered to an Arab than
a friendly inquiry as to the welfare of
his wife, to us a natural civility, but
to him a gross impertinence bitterly
resented. On one occasion I nearly
made a similar blunder. I was invited
by a neighboring sheik to go over to
see him, and was on the point of rid-
ing up to his tent door and dismount-
ing there. Fortunately, however, I
recollected in time that etiquette de-
manded that I should halt fifty yards
off and call in a loud voice: ‘‘Have I
your permission to approach?” ’ This
gives time to bundle off any of their
womenkind who may be about, pre-
It is curious, also, to notice that in
spite of the real affection existing be-
tween father and son, the sense of re-
spect dominates all other feelings,
and the sons will never sit at meat
with their father in the presence of a
guest, but will wait upon both until
the father, rising, allows them the op-
portunity of breaking bread with their
visitor.
Provided, however, that you recog-
nize their social customs, my exper-
ience has proved the Bedouin to be
genuine, warm-hearted friends; and
they really become greatly attached to
those whom they know and who know
them,—Century.
Says Candles Won’t Burn in Dawson.
‘“falk about candles being worth
$1.60 apiece in Dgwson, it's all
wrong,” said Charles Way recently.
“I wintered on the west fork of Stew-
art river in '94 and '95 with a party
from Sitka. We went into winter
quarters early, having good prospects
on a bar directly in front of our log
cabin. We had plenty of supplies
that we had hired the Indians to
bring in for us via Dyea. Among
other things we had a gross of tallow
candles. Things went along nicely
until October 22, when at noon it be-
gan to grow cold, on could feel it
settle down. The water in the boxes
couldn’t run more than twelve feet
without getting thick, so we quit work
and went into the camp. We loaded |!
the stove up with birch wood, and
somebody lighted a candle. It burned
all right for a minute or. two, then the
light commenced to grow dim, and to
all appearances went out. I was sur-
prised, upon examination, to find that
the wick was still burning, but the
tallow was not melting. I watched
the wick as it burned, the fire burn-
ing itself right in the middle until the
swvick was consumed clear down to the
bottom, melting a hole about the size
of a lead pencil through the tallow,
but useless as.a light, and we had to
go to bed in the dark. = Candles are
not worth $1.50 each when the weather
is real cold, for they won’t burn,” —St.
Paul Globe.
: Winter Wind.’
O Wind, how cruelly. you blow!
How can you treat the children so?
You give such whirls,
And jerk our curls,
And whisk us 'round—poor little girls!
Dh, how you roar and rush and hustle!
iVhy must you be in such a bustle?
(n summer-time we used to hear
Che little zephyrs coming near—
Not rude and wild,
But soft and mild,
As gentle as a little child.
We always laughed and laughed, when they
{ame whispering to us in our play.
Now, Wind, I’m wondering if yon
Were ever like them?—tell me true.
And did you blow
Long, long ago"
As quietly and sweet and low?
Will they be like you when they're old—
jgarough and cruel, and so cold?
“Sydney Dayre, in Youth's Companion.
A Little Mistake.
“Well, no one can say I have not
made good use of my time,” said a
arge white mushroom to a daisy that
srew in the turf close by.
‘You certainly have grown sur pris-
ingly fast,’’ said the daisy, thought-
fully. .
“Yes, and I have done it all since
you folded your petals and went to
sleep. I daresay, now you are won-
lering where I was last night.”
“No,” said the daisy, ‘I wasn’t; to
tell the truth, I was wondering where
you would be tomorrow night.’
The Mouse's Blanket.
One day Willie's mamma missed a
banknote which she was certain she
had put in a particular place. Think-
ing that Willie might have taken it
for a plaything, not knowing its value,
she asked him if he had seen it. But
Willie knew nothing about it, neither
did the nurse nor anybody in the
house.
By and by papa cathe home. He
pointed to a mouse hole in the nursery
floor, and said the mice must have
stolen it. A carpenter came and took
up the floor, and, sure enough, there
was a nest of little mice all cuddled
down on the bank-note, which Mother
Mouse had spread out as a dining for
the nest. Othet pieces of paper were
found, all torn and nibbled, but this,
being nice and soft, had beén saved
for a blanket by the wise old mother.
—Congregationalist.
Soldier Joe.
Tommy leaned on his snow-shovel,
looking very much discouraged. Only
yesterday he had cleaned off the walk,
and now here it was quite blocked up
again. Too bad! He was sure he
never could shovel away all that snow.
Then he heard a noise in the next
yard, and looked over the fence to see
‘what was going on. First he sawa
shower of snow flying up in the air,
and then Joe’s shovel and his small
blue mittens, and last of all little Joe
himself, working away as if he went
by steam. He had shoveled a long,
clear path, shut in on each side by
two high, white, clean walls.
“OQ Joe! Ain't you tired?” called
Tommy.
No!” said Joe, stoutly.
soldier now!” :
I~ “You see,” he went on, “I used to
get tired, till sometimes I most hated
my shovel. But mamma told me that
the snow was a great army, all dressed
in white uniforms, that came and took
our town in the night.” They block
up all our streets and walks, and try
to keep us shut up in our houses.
“But there is another army of men
and boys that go out and drive ’em
off with shovels, no matter how fast
they come. And I'm in that army. If
I was the only one that had to fight
the snow, it would be sort of lone-
gome; but thereis such lots of us
that it’s just fun!”
Tommy thought a minute, and con-
cluded Joe was right. So he joined
the:army, too; and very soon his walk
was cleared. —Yoush’s Companion.
A Klondike Story.
Jimmy Brennan, ten years old, and
son of Police Officer Brennan of
Seattle, was standing at Yesler Way,
when a stranger came along. He
looked like a man who had justre-
turned from a logging camp.
‘“Boys,” ‘he said, ‘‘where is the
Butler hotel?”
“I'll tell you for a quarter,” said
one of Jimmy’s companions.
“I'll show you where it is for te
cents,” chimed in another. :
“Say, I'll doit for five cents,” re-
marked a thir :
‘“Mister,’”’ said Jimmy, “I will
int out the Butler to you for noth-
»
“I'm a
“You're my man,* said the rough-
looking stranger, and the two went
down Yesler Way together; while
Jimmy's companions stayed behind
to call him a chump. Jimmy led the
stranger to the Butler.
“Come in here,” said the man, and
he led the boy into a clothing store.
in the house,” said the stranger.
Jimmy simply opened his mouth.
Soon he had on a fine suit.
“Now give him an overcoat,” said
the stranger; and Jimmy's eyes tried
te pop out of their sockets. The clerk
adorned Jimmy with an overcoat.
‘Now a hat,” said the stranger.
“Give this boy the best suit of clothes |
Jimmy wanted to cry. He thought it
was Christmas time, and that he was
by the side of a grate fire, reading one
of Andersen's fairy tales.
Soon he was arrayed in new hat,
new suit, new overcoat. The stranger
paid for all. JFimmy started out of
the store. He was so bewildered that,
if several goblins had put in their ap-
pearance, he would have joined them
in their fairyland festivities.
“Just wait a minute,” said. the
stranger. Jimmy waited. If the
stranger had said, ‘Go, roll in the
dust of -the street,” Jimmy would
have done it.
he stranger went down in his
pocket, and closed his dealings with
Jimmy by giving him a five-dollar gold
piece and a gold nugget worth about
five dollars,
Then Jimmy thanked tHe stranger
rand went off to tell his companions
about the man to whom he showed the
Hotel Butler ‘‘for nothing.”
The stranger was a Klondiker, sup-
- posed to be Patrick Galvin, who re-
turned on the Rosalie recently
with a fortune estimated at about
twenty thousand dollars. = It pays to
be polite. If you don’t think so, ask
(Wash. )
Jimmy Brennan.—Seattle
Post-Intelligencer.
Sy
Roc, the Brazilian Pirate.
Mr. Frank R. Stockton is writing
“The Buccaneers of Our Coast,” for
St. Nicholas. Myr. Stockton describes
the career of a famous character on
the Spanish Main.
This famous buccaneer was called
Roe, because he had to have a name,
and his own was unknown or sup-
pressed, and ‘‘the Brazilian,’ because
he was born in Brazil—though his
parents were Dutch.
Unlike most of his fellow-practi-
tioners, he did not gradually become a
pirate. From his early youth he
never had an intention of being any-
thing else. As soon as he grew to be
a man, he became one of the buc-
caneers, and at the first opportunity
he joined a pirate crew and had made
but a few voyages when it was per-
ceived by his companions that he was
destined to become a most remarkable
sea-robber. He was put in command
of a ship, and in a very short time
after he had set out on his first inde-
pendent cruise he fell in with a
Spanish ship loaded with silver bul-
lion. Having captured this he sailed
with his prize to Jamaica, which was
one of the great resorts of the English
buccaneers. There his success de-
lighted the community, and soon he
was generally acknowledged as the
head pirate of the West Indies.
As for Esquemeling, he simply rev-
eled in the deeds of the great Brazi-
lian desperado. If he had been
writing the life and times of Alexander
the Great, Julius Cmsar or Mr. Glad-
stone, he could not have been more
enthusiastic in his praises. And as in
‘“The Arabian Nights’’ the roc is des-
cribed as the greatest of birds, so, in
the eyes of the buccaneer biographer,
this Roc was the greatest of pirates.
The renowned pirate from Brazil
must have been a terrible fellow to
look at. He was strong and brawny,
his face was short and very wide, with
high cheek bones, and his counten-
ance probably resembled that of a pug
dog. It was his custom in the day-
time to walk about carrying a drawn
cutlass resting easily upon his arm,
edge up, very muchas a fine gentle-
man carries his high silk hat."
He was a man who insisted upon
being obeyed instantly. But although
the business sessions of - his piratical
year—by which I mean when he was
cruising around after prizes—he was
very much more disagreeable when he
was taking a vacation. On his return
to Jamaica from one of his expeditions
it was his habit to give himself some
relaxation after the hardships and
dangers through which he had passed;
and on such occasions, with his cut-
lass waving high in the air, he would
often rush into the street, -and take a
whack at every one whom he met.
As far as was possible the citizens
allowed him to have the street to him-
self and it was not at all likely that
his visits to Jamaica were looked for-
ward to with any eager anticipation
Chinese Nervelessness.
A North China paper says the quality
of ‘mnervelessness’’ distinguishes the
Chinaman from the European. The
Chinaman can write all day, work all
day, stand in one position all day,
weave, beat gold, carve ivory, do in-
finitely tedious jobs for ever and ever,
and discover no more weariness and
irritation than if he were a machine.
This quality appears in early life.
There are zo restless, naughty boys
in China. They are all appallingly
good, and will plod away in school
without recesses or recreation of any
kind. The Chinaman can do without
exercise. Sport or play seems to him
so much waste labor. He can sleep
anywhere—amid rattling machinery,
deafening uproar, squalling children,
‘and quarreling adults. He can sleep
on the ground, on the floor, on a bed,
on a chair, or in any position.—New
York Ledger.
Two Lucky Servants.
Two of the luckiest persons in Paris
at the present moment are a maid ser-
vant and a concierge in the Lnxem-
bourge district. = Their mistress, a
wealthy lady without children,recently
died, leaving $300,000 to be divided
between them. They are also to in-
herit two houses, and nobody has as
vet arrived to contest the will. —Paris
etter.
-he—was-so-striet—and exacting during
AGRICULTURAL TOPICS.
Proper. Treatment of Frozen Plants: * ©
As soon as discovered, remove the
the temperature ¢an by some means
be gradually raised until it reaches
that to which the plants have been
scoustomed. A sudden rise in the
temperature, after plants.have been
badly frosted, thaws them too rapidly
and results disastrously. Trim off
the tender shoots which are be-
yond help, and then gradually raise
the temperature during the day un-
til it reaches the accustomed mark.
They may then soon be placed in their
proper places, hut it might be well to
shade them for a day or two from the
sun.
A splendid and effective protection
against a certain amount of cold is se-
made from paper. In this manner
gold drafts from about windows on
very severe windy nights can be kept
from harming the plants.—Woman'’s
Home Companion.
Dairy and Beef Cows.
The dairyman must fully understand
that the most profitable dairy cow is
the one that is the best mother, and
the feeding and case of the young
heifer must be such as will best de-
velop the mother functions. Some
farmers find beef production the most
profitable, and when this is the case
they want an animal that converts food
into flesh, but in a dairy animal dairy
production is what is wanted. An
animal that by breeding and feeding
has had the beef type eliminated, puts
the food over and above what is neces-
sary to sustain animal life into milk.
We may secure a fairly good dairy and
beef animal combined, one that after
calving will give a fairly good quan-
tity of milk and then when dried up
will, if well fed with a proper ration,
grow fat. But when we want a cow
that will yield above the average in
production she will lack in some of
the essentials needed in the most pro-
fitable dairy animal. Feeding will
make some difference, but breeding
will make more.—N. J. Shepherd, in
Nebraska Farmer.
Plant Pests in the Window Garden.
Green aphis, black flies, white
worms and neutral tinted slugs are an
assured nuisance to the window gar-
dener, whether considered individu-
ally or collectively, writes G. T. Wool-
son, of Vermont. Just how to dis-
pose of this artistic quartet is often'a
problem outside of greenhouses, for
living rooms are not opened to the
wholesale treatment given elsewhere.
For a light attack of verdant lice, hand
picking and frequent showering is
often all that is necessary, especially
if tar or tobacco soapsuds are used in
the sprinkler.
But when the vermin lie thick on
vein, crevice or fold, tobacco fumes
alone are equal to the occasion; the
smoke, however, must be confined, or
it is of litle use. I often group a
number of afflicted plants on a table,
closely covering the same with news-
papers, cone fashion, leaving space at
the bottom to introduce the smoke; a
cigar or two may be thus comfortably
utilized or the tobacco may be burned
on coals if due precaution is used.
four hours to prevent possible resusci-
tation of the narcotic victims.
The black flies and white worms are
more closely related than appearance
or habit would indicate. If the soil is
badly invested it is well to repot the
plant if it is small, but; the larger
growths will not bear having their
roots shaken free. A teaspoonful of
saltpeter in a quart of water used at
intervals of a few days speedily less-
ens and eventually quiets the pests
and serves as a fertilizer as well.
Hand picking is first-in order for the
slugs, which never in life or death re-
lax their hold. I found a maidenhair
fern thus infested and after clearing
the stipes I showered freely with
whale-oil suds and have not since been
| troubled.
Vegetable Mould.
| The value of vegetable matter in
[the soil is very commonly over esti-
mated. If it is extra abundant in
virgin soils freshly cleared from forest
itis a sign that the subsoil is wet and
cold. Such soils when first cleared
are generally less productive than
they are after one or two years of cul-
tivation, which has not only opened
them to light and air, but has also de-
composed some of the mould and con-
verted it into carbonic acid gas. There
is, besides, a difference in the quality
of mould dependent on’ what vegeta-
tion itis made from. That in swamps
is mostly from leaves of trees and
messes which have little except car-
bon. Such soils are often made very
productive by applying to them pot-
ash, so as. to cause more active de-
composition. The slow decomposi-
tion of carbonaceous matter in water
generates what is known as humic
acid, and which is very poisonous to
the roots of plants.
Vegetable matter, which is highly
nitrogenous, heats rapidly, and its
carbon is so quickly burned out that
it makes very little vegetable mould,
and that on further exposure to air
quickly disappears. Hence on the
richest land there is often less vege-
table matter in the soil than there is
on land which isblack with it only be-
cause it is cold and wet. The appli-
cation of nitrogenous manures hastens
the decomposition of vegetable mat-
ter in the soil, while coarse, strawy
manures tarn to a mould that has
comparatively little fertility, but which
makes the soil look much richer than
been deceived by theideathat it is the
black soil that is always the most pro-
ductive, and espacially if it is black to
great depth. Most such soils lack
potash or phosphate, and often lack
both of these before they can be made
profitably productive. — Boston Calti-
vator, : :
frosted plants to a cool place where
sured by placing cones over the plants,
The paper should be left on twenty-
it really is. Farmers have too long |
“men fell.
A TRYING SITUATION.
A man may be a hero
In most any walk of life;
But certain situations
Make him falter in the strife;
And one that tries his mettle,
"Till warm beneath the collar,
Is when he comes ta parting
With his last and only dollar!
He'll laugh at old misfortune
When he hears the dollars clink,
And be brave for any danger,
‘When be knows he’s got the ‘‘chink;"™
But he sings a different measure,
When his hoard is growing smaller,
And he finds he’s come to parting
With his last and only dollar!
You speak in praise of striving,
And of conquering adverse fate,
And prove how oft the humble
Have been truly good and great;
But philosophy is vanquished
By both the boor and scholar,
When it comes to final parting
With the last and only dollar!
—Detroit Free Press.
HUMOROUS,
Differant kinds of punishment are
good for unruly children, but as a
general thing spanking takes the
palm. :
“What's Old Calamity howling
about now?’ ‘‘Because he can’t get
as much for wheat here as you are
paying at the Klondike.’
Wallace—I presume you are aware
that money is a great carrier of bac-
terin? Hargreaves—Yes. That is
why I burn it as fast as I get it.
“And why,” said the young porker,
“do you feel so sad whenever you see
a hen?” “My son,” replied the old
hog, ‘‘I cannot help thinking of ham
and eggs.’’ :
¥irst Hen—What are those young
bantams fighting about? Second Hen
—Oh! they are disputing about the
question, Which is the mother of the
shick—the hen that lays the egg or
the incubator?
Lounger—Do cook-books form an
important item in your salea? Book-
seller—Yes, we sell them by the thou-
sand. ‘‘The women appreciate them,
eh?” ¢Oh, the women don’t buy
them; their husbands do.”
“Pat, you complain of being out of
work, and yet I heard that coal dealer
offer you a job to drive one of his
carts, not ten minutes ago.” *‘Yis,
sor; but I’m blamed if I’ll freeze me-
self to death to keep alive, begob!”
Maud (showing fashion plate)—Papa,
that’s the way I would look if I had
a sealskin sacque. Maud’s Father
(showing advertising picture labeled
‘‘Before taking’ )-—And that’s the way
I would look,dear, when the bill eame
in.
“Papa,” said Sammy Snaggs, who
was seeking for information, ‘‘how
much is gold worth an ounce?” I
can’t tell you what gold is worth an
ounce here, but in the Klondike I un-
derstand that gold is worth its weight
in doughnuts.”
Mrs. Askem—It’s the unluckiest
store to shop in, dear. Mrs. Priceit—
Why? Mrs. Askem-—-There isn’t a
thing you might ask for they haven’t
got, and everything they have is so
lovely you're forced to buy without
going further.”
She beats the bars of her prison in
her wrath. ‘‘Release me,” she
shrieked, ‘‘or I shall break out—if
not in one way, then in another.”
The warden trembled. If she proved
to be a poetess of passion, wonld he
be responsible?
“You,” said she, as she came down
leisurely pulling on her gloves— ‘you
used to say I was worth my weight in
gold.” ‘Well, what if IT did?’’ he
asked, looking at his watch. “And
now,you don’t think I am worth a wait
of two minutes.”
“You enjoy coaching.do you? I never
pould see wherethe fun comes in. One
looks so-like a blamed fool; sitting up —
on a three-story coach and cavorting
over the highway tooting of a horn.”
“I know it, but it isn’t every blamed
fool that can afford it.”
Johnnie—Papa, is mamma the bet-
ter half of you? = Father—Yes, my
son, that’s the way they put it. John-
nie—And are all wives the better part
of their husbands? Father—Certain-
ly, my son. Johnnie—Then, what
part of King Solomon were his wives?
He Put Out the Flash,
The American clergy did a great deal
by precept and example to stimulate
patriotism during the Revolution. In
his book on ‘‘Chaplains and Clergy
in the Revolution,’”’ the late historian
Headley relates a number of incidents
of ‘‘fighting parsons.’’ The Rev.
Thomas Allen, the first minister ever
settled in the town of Pittsfield, Mass.,
was a man renowned and beloved for
his gentleness and piety. When hos-
{ilities between England. and the
colonies were declared, Pastor Allen’s
flock was astonished to hear their
mild shepherd announce his intention
to join the miiitia and fight for the
right!
““At the battle of Bennington the
Berkshire militia had their share in
the conflict, and the Rev. Thomas Al-
len fought as a common soldier, side
by side with his fellow countrymen.
Knowing this good man’s natural
aversion to violence and bleodshed,
some one said to him’ after the battle
Was over :
¢¢They say you fought at Benning-
ton, Mr. Allen. Is it true?’
¢¢Yes; I did,’ answered the man of
God. ‘It was a hot, close battle, and *
it became every patriot to do his
duty.’
‘“¢ Well, but, Mr. Allen,’ said the
parishioner, ‘did you kill anybody?’
‘“‘No,’ replied thie courageous but
conscientious clergyman; ‘I don’t
know that I killed anybody; but I
happened to notice a frequent flash
from behind a certain bush, and every
time I,saw that flash one of our men
I took aim at the bush and
fired. I don’t know that I killed any
body, but I put out that flash |'” :
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