Montour American
FRANK C. ANOLE, Proprietor.
Danville, Pa., /Inr. 11, 1909.
FOUR GENERATIONS
M PKtMI
A surprise party was held at the
home of John W. Me Williams, White
Hall, oil Friday, iu houor of his E7th
birthday. The youuger people enjoyed
themselves with dancing, music being
furnished by the White llall orchestra
A tiue supper was served. Mr. McWil
liam's mother being present aud his
daughter's children, there were four
generations present.
The guests were : Rev. aud Mrs. H.
C. Muuro aud daughter Mary, Mr. and
Mrs. Clinton Hiluer,Miss Maggie Mo-
Bride, Mrs Margaret E. Marshall, Mrs.
Susan Mr, Williams, Mrs. Peter Rishei,
Mrs. Katharine Carey, Mr. and Mrs.
dins. Carey, Mr. aud Mrs. Ellis Fow
ler, Maricti Fowler,lsabel Fowler, Mr.
and Mrs. John Smith,Milliceut Smith,
Mr. ami Mrs. Jacob Welliver, Mr. and
Mrs. Geo. Marshall, Lloyd Marshall,
Mr. and Mrs. D. A. Cox. Gilbert Cox,
Mr. aud Mrs. Thomas Derr.Mrs. Mary-
Carey,lsaiah Leighow.Amos Leighow,
Miss Pearl Smith, John Hartman,
Snsie Hartman, Walter Ssifert,Charles
Cortermau, John Temple, Raymond
Hiluer, Frederick Hiluer, Mary Dil
diue, Florence Dildine, Mr. aud Mrs.
-James Carey, Allsti Biddle, Edward
Hartmau, Jacob Hiluer, Mrs. Ella
.Brauueu, Mr. aud Mrs. Chas. Dewald,
Mr aud Mrs. Lloyd Confer, Edward
Johnston, John Hartman, Geo. Johns
ton, Frank Oarev, Mrs. Hannah Shell,
of Milton; Mrs. John Montgomery, of
Pottsgrove; George Rishei,Miss Marg
aret Wolf, Roy Sohooley, Mrs. Blanche
Rishei, Mr. and Mrs. Mont- Derr,
Eleauor Detr, J. McKeo Derr, Charles
Derr, Mr. and Mrs. Pnrsel,Bruce Pur
sel, Sarah Pursel- Grace Pursel, Mr.
and Mrs. Edward Albeek, Mr, aud
Mrs. Henry Hiluer, S. O. Hartr&nft,
daughters Susie aud Paoline, Bell
Rogers, Mr. Fox, Mr. and Mrs. Hill,
Rufus Hill, Mr. and Mrs. Oliver
Johnston.Mrs, Jacob Holdren.Mr. aud
Mrs. Charles Kreamer and son Ralph.
Mr. aud Mrs. J. B. Dewald, Paul De
wald, George Dewald, Rruce Mether
ill.Mr. aud Mrs. Jacob Biddle,Charles
Bowman aud Laura Fenstermacher.
PERSONALS
Mrs. W. B. Schuck, and daughter
Clara. Mill street, spent yesterday
with relatives in Sunbury.
N. B. Cohen,of Wi!kes-Barre, is vis
iting relatives in Danville.
Miss Eiueline Lyon returned yester
day after a visit with relatives in Ber
wick.
Miss Ida Gallagher, Bloom street.
Was a Bloomsburg visitor yesterday,
Misses Catherine English, Hattie
'JTlannigau aud Margaret McKenna
Will leave to,lay for a week's visit
With friou.ls iu Shenandoah.
George Souneboru, South Danville,
returued last evening after a business
trip to New Yoik.
Mrs. Alexander foster, Mrs. Kepse
Eelmoudson and Mrs. Peifc;-
will attend ttie fuuerai cf Mis* Miiiatu
Savielge, at Bioouisburg, today.
Mrs. James H. James and daughter.
Miss " illie James, wiil flpend today
with friends in Bloumaburg.
Mrs. J. ICimerer, Upper Mulberry
Street, is visiting friends in Shamok-
Ua.
Her Lockout.
"I mns till you the Jofce or. me,"
•aid a baseness woman who "keeps
bnch" in a cunning little apartment.
"T/iist week I Invited two friends for
luncheon. As I have just an hour at
noon I got everything ready before I
left in the morning that could be pre
pared and set on the Ice. I made s
' lovely salad, a dessert, prepared for
toasted muffins and tea and set my ta
ble in all its glory, even buying some
flowers for a centerpiece. My guests
met me at the office and we went to
(lie apartment. What do you think I
had done? Left my keys inside and
locked the door!
"There was absolutely no way for us
to get iu. The janitor bael a pass key,
but he was away. All the windows on
the fire escapes wore locked, and no
other key in the building'Otted. There
was nothing to do but take iny guests
to a restaurant. Then I found that I
had not even brought my purse from
the office, never dreaming that I should
need it. I had to ask my guests for
money to pay feir the luncheon, and,
us it happened, they ejnly had a quar
ter each above their carfare. We went
to the cheapest place wa could find
and had sandwiches and coffee.
Wasn't tii.it funny?"-
Thiers as a Prompter.
Among the anecdotes related by the
Marquis Massa in I Is "Souvenirs et
Impressions" is one about the first
presideut of the French republic. It
runs: "A short time after young Thiers
had been elected as a legislator a nutn- J
tier of our set arranged to give a per
formance of 'Roman die 7. la portiere' j
at the house of a mutual friend. On
the evening of the performance our
prompter deserted us, and without a
moment's hesitation the new fledged
deputy volunteered to take the place,
«nd despite the protests of some of
• -the party, who feared that his dignity
' might be everlastingly Injured, be
Jumped Into the box, where he re
' mained ready to help us In time of
' i>eed until the curtain descended on
*" what proved to be a highly satisfac
t V *ory performance."
A 8p«nl»h War Criticiim.
When the Spanish war came upon
ns Commodore Dewey wus at Hong
kong. The navy department bad sent |
him no preliminary orders. He didn't i
know anything about the ultimate pol- j
ley or what the ultimate plan of cam
paign would be. The navy department j
didn't itself know. Dewey should ;
have moved two or three days sooner i
than he did, and two or three days
sometimes are vital. But our Wash
ington officials were only aroused to
the necessity of giving Admiral Dewey
an order by a cablegram from Dewey j
Informing them that the British gov- j
ernor of Hongkong Insisted that our '
fleet must leave there. We were so ;
dazed by the Immediate exigencies of
war that the English government had
to prod us in the ribs to wake us up.
Then our Washington authorities is
sued an order and not till then. They
told Dewey to proceed to the Philip
pine Islands and capture or destroy
the Spanish fleet. In other words,
they gave him the stereotyped war or
der In the phraseology of the signal
code, which, literally translated, read:
"Go ahead and do the best you can.
We give it up."—Collier's.
The Silver Thread
A matron In Harlem was calling
upon another matron in Harlem. Nei
ther was young, but one looked
more so.
"Really, my dear," said the one that
looked more so, "you ought to have
your hair treated. It's becoming quite
gray in spots. See what a difference
it has made with me. You would look
much younger—really."
"Rut I don't care to look much
younger if I must dye my hair to do
so," was the reply. "I prefer to be
natural. If the Lord sends me gray
hair there's a good reason, anil I'm sat
isfied."
"But think of your children, my
dear. They're grown up now."
"What have they got to do with It?" J
"Why, don't you see? The younger |
you look the younger It makes them j
appear. And your girls are way past
twenty, you know."
The matron who was gray in spots
was still looking dazed when her vis
itor departed.—New York Globe.
Home Loving Montenegrins.
Nowhere Is love of country more In
tense than among the Montenegrins,
to whom exile Is the greatest of pun
ishments. When W. ,T. Stillman was
there In the seventies all the free men
were away fighting, and he observed
that when a messenger was wanted
the official took a man out of the pris
on and sent him off. with no fear that
he would not return. One such mes
senger was sent to Cattaro, In Aus
trian territory, with a large sum of
money for the bank, and he duly came
back. Another asked a Russian at
Cattaro to Intercede with Prince Nich
olas for his release from prison. "But
you are not In prison," said the Rus
sian. "Oh," said the man,"l have
only come down for a load of skins
for So-and-so, but I must go into pris
on again wheu I get back to Cettlnje."
One prison guard watched all the pris
oners when they sunned themselves
out of doors, and if he was called
away a prisoner would take his rifle
and act as sentry for the time.
Abroad.
Abroad is a locality entirely sur
rounded by seasickness. In another
view it Is a bourne more or less mys
terious, bounded on its farther side by
your income and on Its hither side by
custom houses where you have to de
clare everything you bring back with
you except a foreign accent and one
change of hosiery.
Abroad is where—
1. They put
a. Labels all over your luggage aud
b. It all over you.
2. You are almost always going
down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and
the good Samaritan invariably wants
a tip.
Abroad Is the stage of history, but
that Is only because history made the
too common mistake of not seeing
America first.--Puck.
Business.
New Son-ln law—Here's only I!>,OV
marks. You promised my wife a dow
ry of 20.000. Father-in-law—l always
knock off 2 per cent for cash.—Flle
»encle Blatter.
Foils Him.
Scott—l suppose you are saving ui
something for a rainy day. Mott I
try to. but my wife mistakes every
bargain sale for ». shower.—Boston
Transcript
r.ZJSTarCBS
kre «£.id Often to be burled six feet, undei
eround. But tnuny times women call on
heir family physicians, suffering, as they
imagine, or.e from dyspepsia, another from
t -art. disease, another from liver or kid
ney disease, another from nervous pros
t.- -. tio:„ another with pain here aud there,
in tbis way they presect alike to
themselves and their easy-going or over-
Irji doctor, separato diseases, for which
i.e. a-suming them to be such, prescribes
his pills and potions. In reality, they are
'tli inly caused by some uterine
iir.i .>c. The'plNcslcian,"ignorant of the
'iiuie of suib riM.?.nveps
until Urge bills in-,; nnide. TUie>ttffering
patient gets no bet te\ the
> re.;;■ • a rot',:!■!)•
ty Jiilielimg at I" Uios u oiatT- t y ■p
toms. and instituting comfort instead of
prolonged misery, it has been well said,
that "a disease Unov. n is half cured."
Dr. Pierce'< Favorite Prescription is *
icientlflc medicine, carefully devised by
«n experienced end skillful physician,
and adapted to wman's delicate system.
It is made of native American medicinal
roots and etiy hnnnless
S~SJI t IH j
As a powerful invigorating tonic "Fa
vorite Prescription" Imparts strength tr
the whole syMi m and to the organs dis- I
tiuctly feminine in particular. For over- j
worked, "worn-out," run-down," debili- j
tated teachers, milliners, dressmakers
team stresses, "shop-girls," house-keepers,
nursing mothers, and feeblo women gen- i
erally. Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescription |
la the greatest earthly boon, being un
equaled as an appetizing cordial and r«
storative tonic.
As a soothing and strengthening nerr
ine " Favorite Prescription " is unequaled
and is Invaluable In allaying and sub
dufr.g nervom excitability. Irritability,
nervous exhaustion, nervous prostration, i
neuralgia, hysteria, spasms. St. Vltus's
dance, and other distressing, nervous
symptoms comni v attendant upon
functional and organic disease of the
uterus. It ues refreshing sleep and
relieves tt i ixlety ami elesiiondency
I)r. PI. > sant Pellets (nvigornU
the -t .(■ and bowels. One tr
three to take a» candy
iMii HUD 111 HOT
OF RE). PAID 11. O'REILLY
Anniversary Mass at St. Joseph's—Bishop J. VV.
Mianahan, Presided at Divine office—Kev. Father
vlcCann Celebrated solemn kequiem Mass
The oelebrauou of the anniversary
uiass for their latei pastor, Rev. Father
M. I. O'Reilly, aud the uuveiliug of
a tablet to bis memory, which took
place yesterday, are ovents which will
linger for many years in the hearts
and the memory of the parishioners ol •
St. Joseph's Catholic church.
The capacious auditorium of the
church was filled, even the gallery,be
iug crowded. The services were most
impressive.
The divine office began at 9a. m.,
the Rt. Rv. Bishop Shauahau, presid
ing. Iu addition to the bishop and the
Very Kev. G. O. Benton, Vicar Gen
eral, of Steeltou, the following neigh
boring ciergymeu were present : Rev.
Father Murphy, of BloomBburg: Rev.
Father Melchoir, of Berwick: Rev.
Father McCleary of Milton: Rev. Fa
ther Huber of Hanover, Rev. Father <
Gallisan of Locust Gap ; Rov. M. C. j
Donovan, of Philadelphia; Rev.
Fraucis Sheehan of St., Charles Semi-|
nary, Overbrook, Rev. A. M. Freezer j
and Rev. Jules C. Foiu of Danville, |
During the chaiitiug of the bene- ]
dictus the memorial tablet was uu
veiled autl blesseei by the bishop. The j
tablet is fixed in the wall at the cor- j
uer just at the left of the gteat altar
besiile the small altar. It contains the j
bust of the late Father M. I. O'Reilly
in low relief, along with an iuscrip- ,
tiou giving the dates of his birth and ;
death and the letters, R. I. P., an ab- ;
breviation for the latiu : "Requieß
oat iu Pace" (May He Rest iu Peace), j
The Rev. Father Edward O'Reilly,
of Waverly, N. Y., brother of the late j
pastor of St. Joseph's church,the Rev. j
Rev. M. I. O'Reilly, who was to have
celebrated the solemn requiem mass, j
was unable to be present by reason of
illness. Iu bis absence the Rev. Fath
er MoCann, present pastor of St. Jos
eph's, celerbtaed the solemn requiem
mass.,
At the conclusion cf the mass the
eulogy was pronounced by the Rev.
Father M. C. Donovan, of Philadel
phia a former resident of Danville
i and a life-long friend of the Rev. Fa
j ther O'Reilly's. The sermon was a
I noble tribute, founded on the 17th
i verse, sth chapter of St. Paul's first
epistle to Timothy: "Let the priests
that rule well be esteemed worthy of
double houor, especially they who lab
or in the word aud doctrine."
With deep feeling the speaker re
! verted lio the death of Father O'Reilly
i which ooenrred one year ago, empha
sizing the extent to which it was de
ploreei, not only by the bishop, who
regardeel him as one of the ablest and
roost devoted priests in the diocese,
but also by his fellow priests ou whom
he reflected so much credit aud honor,
aud the parishioners of St. Joseph's,
S who always had in Father O'Reilly a
i sympathizing friend and counsellor to
| whom they could turn in times of
| trouble aud'sorrow for help and cou
! solation. In the commnnity wheie he
I stood exceptionally high as a model
! and foremost citizen his death was <le-
I plored anil his memory was honored.
■ It is well, the speaker satd, [to com
! memorate the life and services of such
i a man .-is Father O'Reilly, I hat those
j who come after may be reminded of
his exalted character, his pure devo
| tion and blameless life. Let the priestß
' who do well be esteemed wcrthy of
suedi houor, for while bishops and
prießts pasß away their works and self
denial live. The Catholic churoh is
ever solicitous for the honor of her
priests, living aud dead.
Jesas Christ exercised his ministry
for only three years and in a narrow
boundary, but ills gospel was to be
preached to the whole world, in all
ages. To accomplish thin lie establish
| ed his cbnrcli aud selected his apostles,
i "As the Father sent me so I send you"
I —"Go and teach all nations."
Through the Christian priesthood
: the teachings of Christ have been per
! petuated to our day aud thus they will
1 ba carrrieel forward in the future. The
I Catholic priest, the speaker continn
j ed, through the doctrine he preaches
ivs the salt of the earth aud the light
j of tiie world. The truth he teaches has
I come down through twenty centuries
' of time from the savior of the world.
1 If all would listen to the teachings of
the priests of the Catholic church wo
would have a better world. There
wouhl be no suicides, divorces, mur
ders aud the other forms of crime that
are so common today. The Catholic
priest feeds the flocks of Christ with
; the bread of life. Ho stands at the betl
side of the dying, consoles the mourn
er anel reconciles the eiepartiug soul.
The speaker dwelt with great emp
basis ou the high diguity aud the aw
ful icspousibility of the priestly call
; ing. Father O'Reilly, he said, bore
these with honor ami humility to his
[ dying day. For twenty-nine years he
was brought into close contact with
the world, but he was never sullied by i
it. He handed down his priestly vest
ments as untarnished as they were on •,
the day when he received them from
the bishop.
The speaker followed the career of
Father O'Reilly as he was transferred
from one post to another until he WBB
sent to Danville. Here he labored near
ly twenty years As to the wisdom of
Hishop McGovern's appointment the
people of St. Joseph 's church bear
ample testimony. Daring the twenty
years nothing was taught from the
I iiltir tore but lessous of highest wis
j doui. tie preached «s eloquently by
I his actions and examples as by Ins
| woM*. lie never asked a sacrifice of
| liiH people when he did uot make one
I himself greater tliau they. The fiuan
i cial affairs of the parish at his death
buie I stimony to wise aud efficient
a I m in i st rat ion.
Father Donovan alluded to the est
ablishment of the new cemetery, the
building of the preseut rectory aud
other thing* accomplished by Father:
O'Reilly, but he declared that his
crowning work iu this parish was the |
esttblismnent »112 I'm parochial school. |
No parish, the speaker said, is corn- j
plete without a parochial sc'iool. j
Catholics so highly prize the gift of ;
aitli ti at for this they make sacrifices
1 beyond all others. Tiny pay the school
| tax and without ant assistance main- ,
tain their parish school.
Father O'Reilly did not accomplisli
his work without trials aud difficul
ties and herein, tl t -peaker said, lies I
a lesson to other pru-ti. Father O'-|
; Reilly through faith iu God removed ]
all (I iHii ul' ie>. His 11 iaU aud his sacri
! tics weie many and tluy are the I
! brightest stars in Ins crowu today,
j In conclusion Father Donovau eloqu- }
lently remarked: "The highest honor
that we can pav to the memoiv of Fa- j
tlier O'Reilly is tu show forth in
I Catholic lives the purity, tho devo
tion,tne ready obedience aud the loyal
, support to God, which he inculcated |
by his teaching aud example. 1 '
A Moqul Repartee.
A certain commissioner was given to
J treating the Indians with a scorn they
did not deserve. One day as he sat
| Willi a great chief in his tepee, smok
! lng the pipe of peace, the chief enter
i tallied hi in with many quaint legends.
; One of these dealt with^plague of
I locusts, and the grim orator described
| in flowery language how they had
I swarmed over the land, eating every
I herli and green leaf and blotting out;
j the light of day for very number. Then |
t he concluded by remarking that it was
not until the medicine man made an
offering of a silver locust to the Great
Spirit that the creatures disappeared,
and this they did swiftly and sudden
ly.
Loudly the commissioner laughed
the superstitious Indian to scorn.
"Do you mean to say you're such
fools as to believe that rubbish?" he
asked.
"Not much," replied the chief grave
ly, "or we would have offered the
1 Great Spirit a silver paleface long
ago!"— Philadelphia Telegraph.
Heroic Husbands-
Rome women were discussing over
their afternoon tea the statement that
, a man is no more a hero to his wife
than to his valet. There seemed to be
, no opposition to the idea that a man's
servant did not appreciate him, but all
stoutly maintained that their husbands
' were heroic 1n one way or another.
I "My husband Is very heroic," said
Mrs. Rlack. "For Instance, he will
give up his visit to the club to play
Jackstraws with my old mother, and
she Is his mother-in-law, yon know."
' "I think I can beat that," remarked
Mrs. Cray. "When my milliner's quar
112 terly bill comes In ray husband smiles
; as he writes a check and never thinks
* ! of looking at the items."
r "I can give you a better example
I than either of those!" exclaimed Mrs.
White. "When the morning paper
comes at breakfast time my husband
always offers uh> the first reading of
r It."
An informal vote awarded the last
speaker's husband the medal for hero
' Ism. —Youth's Companion.
' Opie Read and the Upper Berth.
Ople Reed In his "Arkansaw Travel
er Tales" tells this: A fat man had
crawled Into the berth above him and!
was heard talking to himself. "I dont
•nlnd getting up here," he said, "but 112
I ' am always afraid for the fellow bo
■ j neath me. Night before last the upper
berth fell with me and broke the hip
j and shoulder of the man below. But
| It's not my fault; I do the best I can
i to get a lower. Poor chap, I guess he's
' ' asleep and will never know what hit
1 i him."
! "Hold on," I cried. "I'll be hanged
1 If I want to He under a dead fall."
"I beg your pardon. Did you say
j something?"
| "You are right I said something.
I'm not going to run tho risk of stay*
! lng here. You take this berth and let
| me get up there."
| "Oil, don't let me dispossess you.
J Stay right where you are; it may not
| fall—sometimes doesn't."
i "Sometimes doesn't! Here, let ine
[ get up there."
| "Well, if you insist I"
j "Insist! I should think I do!"
| I climbed the ladder and tossed
| pretty much all night. It was the por
| ter who broke the news to me the nest
; day of how I had been the victim of
I that fat man's guile.
A Regimental Custom.
! A peculiar custom obtains in the
| Twelth lancers—the playing of the
I Vesper hymn, the Spanish chant and
| the Rnssian national hymn every
night of the year after the "last post"
has sounded. It is said that the play- I
lug of tho Ves|K>r hymn originated in
] one of the officers' wives presenting I
j the regiment with a new set of Instru
| nients on condition that the hymn
was played every night after the "last
post." The playing of the Spanish
chant is declared to be a penance for
tacking of a convent during the penin
•ulnr war. No reason Is assigned for |
the playing of the ltusslan national j
1 anthem.—London Tlt-Blts.
What Is It, a Lobster?
n»at the methods of public school I
Instruction as applied in one city at
least do not always meet the appmba
i tlon of the parents of the pupils was I
j evidenced when a German man whose |
bristly blond hair was standing |>er
[ fectly erect with anger ttrode into n i
| Baltimore school one day and, ap- ,
! proachlng the pr! ' ul, demanded: j
"Vot is it, a lobster?"
I The principal explained in his sunv- j
j est tone that a lobster was a spe< les
of shellfish.
I "How many legs has it—der lob- i
•ter?"
The number of legs was promptly j
stated.
"Look here," exclaimed the irritated ;
Teuton, "I vork for me in a ht~ hurry. ,
und if your teacher lie cannot find
petter dings to ask my boy Herman j
how many legs has It. a lobster, und
make him come home to bodder his
faddcr mlt questions, 'What Is It. a
lobster?' it is pad business!"—Llppin
cott's.
Saved His Rupees.
j During a great flood at Ilaidarabad a
native banker, overtaken by the sud-
I den rush of water, made bis way on
i to a mound, where he was quickly iso
| lated. The water rose, and the bank-
J er's legs were covered to his knees. I
| "Fifty rupees (about £3 7s.i. no rupees." |
j he shouted, "to any one who will save l
i me!" When the water readied his I
| shoulder he was shouting, "One t!n u- j
! sand rupees!" When enveloped to hi; j
I neck, with death staring him in the '
face, he yelled: "Help, help! All thr.t 1
have will 1 give to au.v one to sr.~o
' me!" Shortly after the water began
;to rect ! \ When om-e uahs he w.ia
covered < ;i!v to his !. -»s an offer of
I rescue came. But t'je banker, pluck
ing up hicourage. Ti.-d: " Coop off!
Keep off! ! will r. t give ;i rupee!"
1 and succeed d in ti .king I!s escape
| free of charge.—St. .laaic Ga»Ue.
O. igin o; ' 3c. firi."
Stow, referring t tl. "boncflors'
which the citizi i. • <." Louden were |
wont to m alio in ti: • ireet'i on "ilie ]
vlglles of fes:hi::ll i . v ••• and on the
same festlual! daye ::i the
after the sunue sett!: ; < or..- nan be
-5 stowing wood or labour townrls
them" and which were an occasion of
feasting and merriment, says that |
"these were called bo lienors as well j
j of good amitie amongst neighbours, I
that, being before at controuersie. were .
there by tho labours of others, recon
ciled, and made of bitter enemies, |
louing frlendes, as also for the vertue j
that a great lire hath to purge the In
fection of the ayre."—London Globe. ,
The Yorkshireman.
I There is a characteristic glimpse of j
Yorkshire "downrightness" in the pub j
llshed reminiscences of an English J
; clergyman:
i At my institution to Upham are |
tired colonial bishop, about to take an
English benefice, said. "Well, you and
. I have worked both In north and j
south. In what points do you consider
that they differ?" "Oh, my lord," I
I answered. "I can soon tell you that.
If a Yorkshireman thinks you a fool
i he comes and tells you so to your face
' Down here they go and tell somebody
else." "You have exactly hit it." said
the bishop. "The difference could not
- be better described."
» Yorkshire regard for the pocket the
j aforesaid clergyman illustrates In this
anecdote:
A groom being asked how long he
* lived in tho south replied, "Twenty
t years." "What! Have you, a York
* shlreman, lived twenty years down
- here and not made your fortune?"
' "Eh," answered the man, "but meas
' ther were Yarkshlre too."
Nothing Funny About It.
' Scene—A druggist's shop lti a small
' Scotch village, which, as usual with
druggists' shops similarly situated, is
1 the general emporium for all sorts of
merchandise. Cycling tourist enters
and purchases a cigar, after lighting
which he attempts to draw the pro
* prietor into conversation, but the lat
i ter seems reticent.
The tourist, after passing some re
marks on the weather, asked, "Don't
you feel trade dull at times in this llt
( tie village, chemist T
112 "Oh, well," replied the druggist, "I
canna complain. But, excuse me, mals
( ter. I dlnna alloo smokln' in my
shop."
"Indeed!" said the tourist. "That is
strange. You sell tobacco and cigars
and still don't permit smoking In your
. shop. It Is really rather funny."
1 "Ou, man."was the reply, "there's
; naethlng funny aboot it. I sell arsen
[ lc, but I dlnna alloo ye to commit sul
t cide in my shop!"
The Law of Gravity.
' "Silence in the court!" thundered
t the Judge, and the laughter died away.
( j "Mr. Bailiff." continued the instruc
tions from the bench, "eject the next
t man who defies the law of gravity."—
Philadelphia I.edg»^.
A Bitter Pill.
, Milly— And how does your brother
take married life? Tilly—He takes it
according to directions. Ilis mother
in-law lives with him. lllustrated
;
No Insult.
; "I ain't insultin' of yer. I tell yer I'm
simply callin* of yer a liar, an' yer are
•ne!"—London Tnnch.
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A Mogul Hero. .
Here la a little vignette of Bahar,
the first of the great moguls. At elev- J
en he succeeded to his kingdom of
Ferghana. Ills father was accidental
ly killed, and"l." says the boy, "Im
mediately mounted lr/ great haste and,
taking such followers as were at hand,
set out to secure my throne." He suc
ceeded In holding It, nearly lost It by
trusting a traitor who was"the best '
player n' leapfrog he bad ever seen" 1
and actually lost It by grasping at the 1
possession of Samarkand. Then came 112
two years of wandering. Then he put (
Ferghana again and lost It a second (
time by trying to make his Mongol
soldiers restore their loot to the peas
antry. And all this before he was '
seventeen! Thirty-two years later he 1
dl d, the last scene being the most <
striking of all. Ills darling son i
Humayun was desperate!}' ill. Only ;
some great sacrifice could save him,
said the doctor. lie entered the cham
ber, walked round the bed three times,
saying, "On me be thy suffering," and
a few days afterward died.—London
Spectator.
The Dogskin Wouldn't Go Round.
Hungary swarins with barristers. It
Is the greatest ambition of the Hunga
rian peasant to make one of his Bons
an advocate.
The son of a small farmer in the
neighborhood of Budapest was sent by
Ills father to the law school of that
town, but either from lack of parts
or the necessary application he was i
plucked in the qualifying exatnina-1 1
tlon. '
Not daring to return to the paternal
abode empty handed after all the mon
ey that had been spent on his educa
tion, lie conceived and executed the
plan of forcing a legal diploma. The
father was not, however, so ignorant
as not to be aware that such diplomas
| are always written on parchment—•
kutya-ber (dogskini- in Hungary,
"Why is your certificate not made out
on kutya-ber?" asked the old man.
"The fact Is, father," coolly replied
the youth, "there are more barristers
| than dogs in Hungary, and so there is I
| not enough kutya-ber to make iliplo-j
! mas for us all." —London Answers.
Gam's Dry Humor.
When the gallant Welsh captain
David Gain was sent forward by
j Henry V.to reconnolter the French!
] army before the battle of Agincourt j
[ he found that the enemy outnumbered
the English by about five to one. His
report to the king is historic:
"There are enough to be killed, j
enough to be taken prisoners and!
enough to run away."
I This quaint forecast of the result of j
the battle at once spread through the j
I camp, and doubtless every yeoman |
I archer of the valiant company felt an '
Inch taller. We know that it was al
most literally justified by the event, i
Poor (Jam's dry humor was equaled
by his courage. lie was killed while
| In the act of saving the life of bis
I prince.—London Standard.
One of the Lucky Ones.
I A lady of title, an ardent motorist,
is very unfortunate in the matter of
spills. The other day, by no means for
| the first time, an engineer came to do
various repairs to the motor.
The little girl of the house watched
i and then remarked:
I"I think mamma's very unlucky with
> her motor, don't you?"
| "Unlucky, did ye say?" replied the
mechanic. "Why, no; not particularly
unlucky. Her ladyship's alive, ain't
she?"
"Yes, of course she is," said the girl.
"Well," was the rejoinder, with an
expressive shake of the head, "lots of
our customers ain't."
His Plausible Excuse.
Magistrate—This affair looks to me
more like a common dog fight than a
i case of assault and battery. You claim
that this man assaulted yon and that
j you did not even try to defend your-
I self, yet he bears the marks of your
I teeth In three places. How do you ac
j count for that?
Plaintiff—Well, it was jest like this.
He hurt me so when lie was a-pound
ln' of me that I had ter have sumthln*
ter bite on. or I couldn't 'a' stood It.—
Los Angeles Times.
East Indian Proverbs.
An old English proverb: "Cut your
coat according to your cloth." The
following is a similar proverb In In
dia: "Look at your bed before stretch
i lng your legs on it." "Don't ask for
I sauce in a free boarding house," Is
I another Indian proverb which Is some-
I thing like the English proverb. "Beg
j gars must not be choosers."
A Person of Note.
j Colonel White—Your son Is quite a
singer, isn't he, Busenbark? Brother
; Busenbark—Yassah! Yassah! 'Bleeged
to yo* for axin'. Dat boy, sab. am
suttlngly de most malodorous culled
pusson In dis whole town.—Puck.
Sleepless.
Blobbs— Why don't you consult a
doctor about your Insomnia? Slobbs—
What! And run up more bills? Why,
It's because of what I owe him now
i that I can't sleep.
Wanted Full Credit.
| "Now, my little man, you are accused
i of striking another boy and knocking
| out one of his teeth."
!" 'Scuse me, jedge, two of his teeth."
-Life.
When He Enjoys Home.
"Does your husband enjoy his home?"
"Yes—whenever 1 want him to take
me to the theater."- Cleveland Leader.
Venezuela received its name from
the early Spanish residents, who saw
In It a resemblance to Venice.
N.i ce
To Whom It Mn' Conct rn
Notice in lieifi> tint He
Oonrt of 0. W. of Mom. nr Co., on tl e
11th rtny of J«n.. l»t>9, ur»i fed » role
to show cho e »ln tl e *sni ( onrt
should not enter a eecik> cl.»uuii g the
uttroe ' 112 R •'?>•' W'fter Oiehl to Halph
Beaver Di< I I.
S»i<! mlc retort fib' April 13 1909,
at 10 o'clock, A. V.
THUS. G. VINCKNT, Proth.
Ralph K sner V»' *8
LOCAL tiPilM
mDirt at
HARKISBURG, March 10.
The Fair local option bill was de
feated on second reading last evening
by the houee of representatives, 66 to
137, a majority against the nieaßore of
sevent>-one. Last night's defeat came
at the conclusion of a three-hour de
bate, which would have lasted couaid
erably longer had not the members,
tire.l and impatient, howled down the
meu who tried to talk after 10 ::t<>
o'clock ; in this process of elimination
tliu visitors, whose name whs legion,
assisteo materially.
WILL NOT RECONSIDER IT.
The defeat is deoisive. R. Willis
Fair, of Westmoreland, who fathered
the bill after it had been drafted by
ihrt Anti-Saloon league, said after ad
jouruuieut that no attempt will be
uiaile to reconsider the vote by which
It was defeated. It is known,however,
that the Anti-Saloon league will im
mediately form its linns of battle for
the primaries anil geueral election next
year. The vote of s;xty-six in favor of
the bill last night was thirty votes
less than were cast in 1907 to place the
j Graven bill on the calendar, wlieu only
eight yaes were ueeded. The difference
is accounted for largely by the fact
that mauy members of the house of
1907 are not members of the prefect
house aud by the fact that gome of
those who voted aye two years ago
took a positive stand upou the oppos
ite side when confronted with the
question of enacting the law.
RECORD-BREAKING CROWD.
No greater crowd ever visited the
capitol,except on dedication day more
| than two years ago, than flocked to
i the hill for the debate, aud everyoue's
I interest was luld until the vote was
annonuced. Speaker Cox's gavel fell
at 8:05, when spectators were literally
hauging on like flies, a number of
them having climbed to window recee
| ses and made themselves as comfort
able as possible there for the session.
! The majority of the people in the hall
j were men. Mr. Fair conceded that the
| bill had been treated with considera
> tiou by the leaders of the house.
AM MERMAN SPEAKS.
| The debate was opened by Prof.
H'air aud numerous addresses were
1 made first for one side and then for
the other. Under the alternating agree
j ineut, R. Scott Amuiermau, of Mon
tour, took the fluor—the first Demo
jcratio speaker of the eveuing. No
| more eloquent speaker sits in the house
j t liaii the Danville lawyer and, while
I lie advanced no uuique argument, his
appeal was one of the most entertain
ing and convincing of the evening.
He argued,mainly that electors should
be allowed to vote upon the license
[ question just as they vote for officers
or npoti other public questions,
i j CAREFUL IN VOTING.
! At the close of the debate a roll call
' was demanded by George .T, Schad and
seconded by Professor Fair. At the
! suggestion of Speaker Cox each man
rose In his place at the call and voted.
The voting was extremely slow and
' methodical in order to eliminate op
-1 portunity for error, and at the conclu-
I slon Flyuu, of Elk,called for a voiifio
! ation of the roll.
A Reiiabis fismsdy
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