Montour American FRANK C. ANGLE, Proprietor. Danville, Pa., N..v. 26, 1908. ROBERT FULTON AS A LAD. Incidents Illustrating the Young Man'i Interest In Mechanics. There are several anecdotes which relate to Robert Fulton's early interest In mechanics—the first steps of progress toward his later skill. In 1773, when he was eight years old, his mother, having previously taught him to read and write, sent him to a school kept by Mr. Caleb Johnson, a Quaker gentle man of pronounced Tory principles—so pronounced, in fact, that he narrowly escaped with his life during the Revo lution. But Robert I'ulton did not care for books, and lie began at early age to search for problems never mas tered and bound in print. This greatly distressed the Quaker teacher, who spared not the rod, and it is said that in administering such discipline on the hand of Robert Fulton he one day tes tily exclaimed, "There, that will make you do something!" to which Robert, with folded arms, replied, "Sir, I came to have something beaten into my brains and not into my knuckles." Without doubt he was a trial to his teacher. He entered school one day very late, and when the master inquired the rea son Robert, with frank interest, re plied that lie had been at Nicholas Mil ler's shop pounding out lead for a pen cil. "It is tho very best I ever had, sir,'' he affirmed as he displayed his product. The master, after an exami nation of tlie pencil, pronounced it ex cellent. When Robert's mother, who hail been distressed by his lack of ap plication to his studies, expressed to his teacher her pleasure at signs of improvement the latter confided to her that Robert had said to him, "My head is so full of original notions that there is no vacant chamber to stow away the contents of dusty books." These incidents to the contrary, it is nevertheless true that Robert Fulton did absorb a good knowledge of the rudiments of education.—Century Mag azine. QUEER CRABS. The Ingenious Manner In Which They Disguise Themselves. Some species of crabs disguise them selves in an ingenious manner. They deliberately bite up seaweeds and plant them on their backs, very soon establishing a growth which harmo nizes perfectly with tlie surroundings and deceives many an enemy. Should the weeds grow too vigorously the crab industriously prunes them with his claws aud every now and then scrapes the whole lot off and starts a fresh garden on his roof, so to speak. 'l'be sponge crab behaves in a simi lar manner, nipping oft' little bits of living sponge and sticking them on his back, where they grow vigorously. The same end is served as In the other case. It is very amusing to keep crabs of one or other of these kinds in an aquarium and deprive them of the usual means of concealment. They get very nervous and agitated and try to cover themselves with bits of paper or anything else that may be provided. One such captive is said to have had a little greatcoat made for him, which he put on in a hurry as soon as it was handed to him. — London Sphere. SCARLET FEVER. A Scourge of White Races In All Ages and Countries. Now that smallpox, thanks to com pulsory vaccination, has become a rar ity in civilized communities, scarlet fever steps forward as the worst of the eruptive diseases of childhood. It is a malady of enormous antiquity. Thucydides, writing nearly 500 years before the beginning of our era, called It a heritage from the remote past. It lias scourged the white races in all ages and all countries, and the phy sicians of all schools have leveled their heaviest artillery upon it. Yet It remains a puzzle unsolved and an enemy unconquered even today. We are in doubt as to its cause, and there 1s no drug or antitoxin that will cure It. But despite all this the death rate from scarlet fever is steadily declin ing, and we may expect It to decline more and more as the years go by. The reason for this, I take it, lies in the fact that the modern doctor is n I great deal more sparing with pills and ' powders than his predecessor and a j great deal more lavish with water, air ! and antiseptics. In the old days It | was customary to dose scarlet fever ' patients with all sorts of violent rerne dies in staggering quantities, and as a result many of them died. Today | medicines are but minor auxiliaries in j the sickroom, and both doctor and j nurse devote their main energies to preventing a spread of tho infection.- j 1 lelineator. The Ueep breathing V/jre. A boy who was consumptive and i was rapidly going along the road to j the grave was taken in hand by one! who understood deep breathing and tho importance of proper mastication of food, etc. He was made to under- , stand precisely why deep breathing was of such vital importance, and ho took n lively interest In his own cure He was fourteen years old. In a very few weeks the change was remark able. He began to get firm flesh on his poor little limbs, his chest developed well and a healthy color came into his checks. His eyes, which were al ways covered with sties, became per fectly free from them, and in three months or less there was no sign of consumption in him. I may say he was only treated once a week for half 1111 hour.—l'all Mall Gazette. Liberality. Little Jimmic, who had just received a box of mixed candy, passed it around to treat the family, saying: "Help your self to all the chocolates you want. I don't like then:."—Exchange. Conscience looks out upon every hu man life.—Davidson. THE SWORDFISH. Overlord of the Sea and the Daintiest Feeder That Swims. The sword fish is the overlord of the j *ea. Neither the whale, the shark nor any other giant of the ileep can con quer him in private fight or public brawl. Nevertheless he is peaceful ID the main and seeks the simple life, amusing himself often with worldwide travel and always with delicate gusta tory Joys. He Is the daintiest feeder that swims, always kill!t his own game i!utl thereby insures *ts freshness, wherefore his tiesh is a delight to the palate of mankind and wherefore, again, men go forth to kill him for j market and thereby at times fall upon j adventures that make the hunting of tigers and the shooting of grizzlies pale Into pastimes for the weary weakling. For the bold swordfisli is still hunted in mode as primitive ns that the Eski mo uses to kill (be stupid whale, and often the sting of the harpoon changes this luxurious ocean gastronome into a raging water devil, quick to perceive I his advantage, charging with the speed | of a bullet and the accuracy of a | swordsman up against the lone flsher | man in the dory who tries to bring j him to gaff. Then must the fisherman | measure with exactness the lunge of | the monster, avoid It by a marvel of I nice sidestepping in a plunging dory, j or he will be spitted like a lark.—Wil i liam Inglls in Harper's Weekly. Taking Their Temperature. For three days on a transatlantic | cattle steamer, with passenger aecom | modations, Mrs. Hillings hart been en- I deavoring by persistent and continu j ons questionings to obtain some ideas I its to nautical proceedings, and the | other passengers had about reached j the end of their patience. "Well," remarked Miss Talbot at dinner as she passed the salt. "I am I glad to find that tlie.v treat the cattle | so humanely on board. Why, they j take the temperature twice a day reg j ularly." "Oh," cried Mrs. Billings in a high, piercing crescendo, "do they really? I I'm so glad to hear it, but I shouldn't ' think they could very well." "Why not. madam?" inquired an eld j erly man on her left. "Well—well, why," said Mrs. Hil lings. "I should think that it would bo hard to keep a clinical thermometer In a cow's mouth long enough to get any temperature without having it crush | ed."—Youth's Companion. Diamond Cutters and Their Work. Not only is diamond cutting not a specially highly paid occupation, but It is one involving a most humiliating system of espionage to the worker. Each man has to strictly account for the stones he receives ongoing to work In the morning, and the count has to be carefully taken when the un finished work is handed in at night to be locked up in a safe against the re turn of the workmen the next day. The possibilities of theft are great, though a dishonest workman knows that an attempt to dispose of an unfin ished stone would bring suspicion upon him wherever the attempt was made. His Successor. Shortly after the death of one t j England's greatest poets a devoted ad ! mlrer of his visited the little West moriaiid villages where the poet hat. I lived and died to gaze reverently a; i his house, the little church and at some of his favorite haunts where some of his immortal poems were com ! posed. Seeing an old man a native of the village), the stranger entered into con versation with him, remarking sadly on the death of the poet, to which the old man answered kindly and eneour agingiy: "Aye, aye, still I niak' ua iloobt but t wife 'll carry the bizness on." Brief and Pithy. An American law journal has quot ed the charge to a jury delivered by a certain Judge Donovan as the shortest on record. The judge said: "Gentlemen of the Jury, if you be lieve the plaintiff find a verdict fir plaintiff and lix the amount. If you believe the defendant find a verdict for defendant. Follow the officer." Hut an English periodical caps this brief charge by quoting a shorter one delivered by Commissioner Kerr. lie said to a jury: "That man says prisoner robbed him. The prisoner says ho didn't Tou set tle It." Plagiarism. At the literary club a sympathetic crowd surrounilod the humorist, whose house hud been robbed. "They cleaned out everything," said the man "everything, but, thank good ness, they didn't swipe from my desk the manuscript column of jokes for next week's paper." "Perhaps they knew," suggested a sonneteer cynically, "that the joke* had already been swiped."- His Harmless Candidate. A Georgia farmer posted this sign on his front gate: "Candidates Will Tass Ou. No Time to Talk to 'Em." One morning his little boy shouted from the garden walk: "There's one o' them canderdates here, and be says he'll come In any how The man looked toward the gate and said: "Let him in. There's no harm in him, I know him. He's been ruunln' ever since tlie war. Jest to be a-rnnnln'. It runs In his blood, an' he can't help it!" - Atlanta Constitution. Explanations In O-der. A man whose wife was extremely jealous planned a pleasant surprise for her in the form of a trip to New York to see "The Merry Widow" and wrote a friend iu the city to let him know the earliest date for which he could se cure seats. The next day when he was away from home the following telegram was delivered ther*> address ed to him, but opened by his wife: "Nothing doing with the widow un til the 10th. Will that suit you?" Explanations were demanded. As to a Courtship. "He's telling everybody that she is his first love." "And she?" "She is confiding to a select few that he is her last chance."—Louisville GOLDEN RULE SOCIETY. It Proposes to Organize a Political Party and Restrict the Suffrage. Emily Hange and Josephine S. Range of Brooklyn anil I.ouise Burge of II ain - monilsport, N. Y.. recently filed pa pern at Albany witli the secretary of statu of New York organizing the Society of Applied Philosophy, with its principal office in New York city, for the pur pose, among other things, of establish ing the Golden Rule. The society is "to apply the princi ples of philosophy and of the Chris tian religion to existing conditions ant! institutions, to political, social and oth er problems: to organize a political party to lie known as the Progressive Conservatives and to restrict the right * of suffrage to the owners of a certain amount of property, real or personal, and to extend the suffrage on the same terms to women: also to influence leg islation In tho direction of greater hu manity, prohibiting corporal punish ment in every form and establishing the Golden Rule and the Christian method and reform which are to o\er come evil with good." He Was Very Charitable. Among the features of a charltj bazaar held in I.ondou was a refresh ment stall, to which charitable donors contributed supplies, thus enabling all the takings to represent clear profits The lady In charge requested a gift foi this purpose from a well known and wealthy gentleman In the city, but on< not famous for "parting." To her sur prise she received next day a note tt the effect that he was sending her n sirloin of beef and two ox tongues. The same morning the lady happen ed togo to her butcher (wlio was alsc the butcher of Mr. X.t, and.after giv ing him a large order for her stall asked liiui if lie would like himself t<. give anything. "I should very much, ma'am," rcpliei j the worthy tradesman, "but 1 yester day gave to Mr. X., at Ills request foi j this purpose, a sirloin of beef and three | ox tongues." Net gain to Mr. X.: One ox tongue and a cheap reputation for charity!— London Standard. St. Augustine and His Flower. St. Augustine of Hippo, the great doctor of the church, whose festival falls on Aug. 28, is a sadly neglected saint among modern ritualists aud even occasionally confused with his name sake, who insulted the Hrltish bishops. Yet he is pronounced by Hooker "with out any equal" and regarded by liar nack as "the first modern man." He has been better honored in the floral world, for to him is dedicated the goldenrod, or woundwort (Solidago vlr ga-aurea). Old Gerard, with whom this was a favorite remedy, tells u>- that goldenrod fetched a high price as a foreigti herb until discovered grow lng near London, when the plant was neglected. He adds the caustic com j ment, "This verifieth our English prov erb, 'Far feteht and dear bougbte is best for ladies,' or for fantastical phy sitlons." Before tobacco the golden- ' rod also furnished snuff for our inedi aeval forefathers. Westminister Ga zette. It Did Not Work. Mr. Sen bury and his wife were on the point of moving to another flat. Both of them were anxious that the i transfer should be made at the leuat possible expense, and the nearness ot the new home promised materially to further this aim. "1 can carry loads of little things over in my brown bag," announced Mrs. Sett bury, "and you can take books aud so on in your big satchel." In discussing further tho matter of transportation Mrs. Seabury remarked that notwithstanding the heat she j could wear her winter coat over, leave j it and return for her spring coat. The | idea charmed her impractical husband ! "Why, I can do the same thing!" he said. "I'll wear over one suit and then come back for another!"— Youth's Companion. Hard on the Messenger. Tommy had been spanked by Miss Manners, Ills first grade teacher, but his next teacher had not reached the point wbpre she felt she could do jus tice to him in spite b? all his nautili ness. "Send him to me when you want bitn spanked," said Miss Manners one morning after her colleague had re lated his many misdemeanors. About 11 o'clock Tommy appeared at Miss Manners' door. She dropped her book, grasped him firmly by the hand, led him to the dressing room, turned him over her knee and adminis tered punishment. When she had finished she said, "Now, Tommy, what have you to say?" "Please, miss, my teacher wants the scissors," was the unexpected reply.— Success Magazine. What the Duke Meant. His grace the I>uke of Argyll was | addressing a select company in a Lon don drawing room on the present state I of things in South Africa. "I look for- j ward to the time," he said, "when the Englishman will marry the Boer girl and have an English wife as well!" Respectable dowagers looked their surprise, and the men began to smile. Then the tluke carefully explained j that he meant, of course, that the Boer j girl should 1 "come |an Englishwoman I to all intent.; and purposes.—Reynolds' Newspaper. Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup lUkavM Coida by working Smm m 0 el Mm aytUra through t atfttmm mi KwJthy act toe W the bowk ootifh* hy AM muoowa matnbrmnM of Mm Inml, u»d broncMal tufca*. "A* plnnl to A* Ml a* HitU Children Llk« It fm IAMMM—VIM DM* k bIViKMMfMi For Sale bv Panics & On A FEROCIOUS EARL Alexander of Buchan, Known aa the "Wolf of Badenoch." During the restoration of Dunkeld cathedral the workmen unearthed the remains of Bishop Sinclair, one of those who assisted in the building of the cathedral, and of the notorious Alexander, carl of Buchan, whose fe rocity won for him the significant title of the "wolf of Badenoch." A memorial marks the spot where the "wolf was hurled, and It has often hecn a subject of remark by -visitors that a man who plundered churches nnd In various ways showed his hatred of the clergy should have been laid to rest side by side with bishops and other high ecclesiastics. Alexander, earl of Buchan, was a younger sou of Bobert 11. of Scotland. During the closing years of the lat ter's reign the chief powers in the state were delegated to his sons, the earls of Fife and Buchan, and after the accession of Bobert 111., an amia ble but weak prince, this unfortu nate delegation was allowed to be con tinued. The Karl of Buchan ruled over the northern part of Scotland with an authority little less than re gal. He has been described as scarce ly better than a savage—cruel, fero cious and relentless. Among his ex | ploits was the destruction of the mag j niiicent cathedral of Elgin. lie car j rled off the chalices and vestments. | polluted the shrines with blood and finally set tire to the noble edifice, the i houses of the canons and the town ! itself. lie also laid waste a large part of the country.—Pall Mall Gazette LEGAL VERBIAGE. A Kick From a Layman Against Its Solemn Senselessness. "As fond as I am of reading," said a | merchant, never peruse a legal doc ument without feeling Irritable over my Inability to grasp the real meaning of such a paper at a glance. I.ike many other persons not engaged in the | legal profession, I sometimes have to \ read contracts and other agreements 1 i drawn up by lawyers, and I often won- i I der why in this age of common sense j the 'whereases,' 'aforesaids' and 'par- I ties of the first part' are not relegated Jto oblivion. The technical verbiage I employed is a relic of the age when j that which was mysterious and could I not lie understood was esteemed to be beyond the comprehension of the coin- j i mou herd. The use of uncommon Eng- ! | lish In purely business circles would j not be endured. Why, (hen, should the transfer of a piece of property be | a process so labyrinthian and so mys- I leriuus that a man of sound sense j cannot fathom it? It has been esti- j j mated that the clipping of the letter j 'u' from such words as humour, labour j and the like has added to the world 1 I each year what is equivalent to the j ! productive < mcity of 500 ablebodied ! ! men. Wha would we not gain if | from every 1 ral paper and from every legal suit there should be removed that vast mass of superfluity, that an- ! tlque verbiage, that bulk of repetition and solemn senselessness that now in- . wraps them as the shell inwraps the 1 clam?"— Chicago Inter Ocean. He Knew His Business. I An open moving van, piled high with | furniture, was proceeding slowly up Third avenue in the llarlem section. ! The driver, whose face denoted con- I tent men t and an inclination to doze, sat cross kneed, holding the reins loose ly. The driver had arranged a com fortable support for his back. This ! was nothing less than a framed oil i painting about 3 by l feet in size, tin covered, and with the painting unpro tected from the coatless, warm weath ered shoulder blades. A citizen hailed j him from the curb. "Hey! Don't ruin that picture lean ing against it that way!" "Ah, g'wan!" said the driver. "Dis ain't tie tirst time I drove furniture, i j know me business." And the van passed on.—New York Globe. Her Version of It. She was a wee scrap of a thing just three years old, but with a soul of a | heroine shining out of her great brown eyes. It was Tier first visit to the zoo, j and the babel of queer noises and rows : of strange big beasts might well have daunted her baby heart. But she scorned to seem afraid. Only when they approached the towering form of j the elephant did she draw back. "I'm not goin' too close, papa." she I whispered: "I might scare liim!"- Wo man's Home Companion. According to Law. In one of the states an act was j passed last year requiring heads of! families to notify the health officer at once in case there was any contagious disease in the house. Tlio following letter was recently received by a cer- ! tain ofliecr: Dear Sir—This is to notify you that my boy Ephralm is down with t..*? metuilas, as required by the new law. PETER ADAMS, j She Knew. I.ittle Girl— If I was a teacher I'd make everybody behave. Auntie . How would you accomplish that? Lit tie Girl--Very easy. When girls AVIS' bad I'd tell them they didn't look pretty, and when little boys were bad I'd make them sit with the girls, and i when big boys was bad I wouldn't let i them sit with the girls. Poverty Has Its Advantages. A man on the wane of life observes ' that poverty has advantages and ad verslty its uses. If you are poor you can wear out your old clothes. You i are excused from calls. You are not troubled with many visitors. Bores do j not disturb you. Spongers do not haunt , your tables. Brass bands do not sere- ' nade you. No one thinks of present ing you with a testimonial. No store keeper Irritates you by asking you. "Is there anything I can do for you?" Begging letter writers do not bother you. Flatterers do not flatter you. You are saved many debts and many a deception. And, lastly. If you have a true friend in the world you are sure to know it In a short space of time by him not deserting you.—Huntsville (Tex.) Post-Item. A woman's love Is a paradox. You can't keep it unless you return It.— Philadelphia Record. WORLDWIDE AID FOR SAILORS i Representatives From Many Nations to Attend Conference In New York. Representatives from twelve nations are bound for New York city to attend a conference called by the American I Seamen's Friend society for Oct. 4. America will be represented by author ities on the interests of seamen from many of the society's branch stations in the leading ports on both coasts. The ways of the crimp, the boarding master, the shipping agent and ship owner will be discussed by men who have made a lifelong study of these elements in the life of the sailor ashore. The treatment of men in the navies as well as the merchant marine will come up for consideration, and efforts will be made to perfect the organization by which the society is aiming to keep in touch with the shifting body of sail ors through their forty-five stations all over the world. From Great Britain is coming E. W. Matthews, secretary of the British and Foreign Sailors' society of London. lie has Just completed a tour of the world. The problems of the sailor in Mediter ranean ports will be reported by T. J i Irving, from Naples, where he has been an active worker for stranded seamen. The Rev. Mr. Wollesen of the society's station at Copenhagen has already arrived. lie will be followed I by other leading workers in the ports j of Germany, Holland and Sweden. Representing the western hemisphere are members of the American Sea men's Friend society from Montreal down to Buenos Aires. Among the cities are New Orleans, Gloucester, Seattle, Norfolk, Galveston, Newport News, Pensacola, Boston. Charleston, > Wilmington and Portland, Ore. The experiment of the society's agents !:i the ports of every seaboard state to provide free shipping bureaus, suitable accommodations, entertainmen:. bank Ing and outfitting facilities for s.-asuen will be discussed. They Sat Down. I One night at a theater some scenery ; took fire, nnd a very perceptible odor of burning alarmed the spectators. A j ! panic seemed to be Imminent when an ' 1 actor appeared on the stage. "Ladles and gentlemen." he said, i "compose yourselves. There is no danger." The audience did not seem reas sured. "Ladies and gentlemen." continued the comedian, rising to the necessity of the occasion—-"confound it all—do you think if there was any danger I'd be here?" The panic collapsed. England's Mother Church. The oldest frequented church In England is probably St. Martin's, at Canterbury, and you may call it the , mother church of England. Walk up , from the outskirts of the city and you will pass the font which gave baptism to King Ethelbert 1,300 years ago. The font still stands, the worshipers still | mount the slope, and one considers whether it was Augustine or Bertha who dragged the king and husband to that font.—London Chronicle. A Gallant Clergyman. It Is said that the Rev. Sydney Smith could be gallant as well as witty lon occasion. "Oh, Mr. Smith, I cannot bring this, flower to perfection," said a young J lady to him once as she showed hini: 1 about her conservatory. Whereupon he took her by the hand I and said, "Then let me bring perfec- ' i tion to the flower." The Coveted Hand. The young man had gone to the heir- | ess' father—always a ticklish job—but ho tool; his courage with an iron grip I "Sir," he blurted out, "I want to ask : ; you for your daughter's hand." The old man. not in the least dls con | rerted, said: "Which hand? The one she signs | checks with, I suppose?" Hit Him Hard. "1 presume." sai,l the lodger Icily at ] the conclusion of the little dispute with | 1 his landlady—"l presume that you will j allow me to take ray belongings away with me?" "1 am sorry,"* was the Icy reply, "but 1 your other collar has not yet come j ! home from the laundry."— Kansas City Independent. The Way He Lost. The McSkinner—Twa shillin' to gang | to Holbora! Nay, nay. But—weel, I'll ! toss ye, double or quits. Sporting Cab- I by—Well, I'm goin' that way any'ow. I 1 so 'ero goes! 'Ends! The McSkinner— j Heads? Weel, ye've won. So I'll jist j hne to walk!— Punch. The Traces of the Beasts. On every side in the Malay wilds | the traces of the beasts—which here live as scheduled, as safe from moles tation. as did their ancestors in pre Adamite days—are visible on tree trunk, on beaten game path and on the yielding clay at the drinking places by the hurrying stream. Ilere a belt of mud nine feet from tin , ground shows that an elephant has rubbed his Itching back against the rough bark of a tree, and, see, course hairs are still sticking in the hardened clay. There a long, sharp scrabli re peated at regular intervals marks the passing of a rhinoceros. Here, again, is the pad mark of a tiger barely an hour old. and the pitted tracks of deer of all sizes and varieties surround tin deeply punched holes which are the footsteps of an elephant. Cornhill Magazine. Settled the Sign. When William M. Evarts was see- ! retary of state a new elevator man had been employed in the department who did not know Mr. Evarts by sight. In his car was a conspicuous sign to the effect that by order of the secre tary of state smoking was prohibited. One day Mr. Evarts boarded the car In company with a famous senator, the latter smoking a cigar. The new man promptly touched the smoker on the elbow and said, pointing at the no tice, "Can't you read that sign?" Mr. Evarts promptly tore down the of fending notice and, turning to the ele vator man, said: "What sigu? I don't see any." The attendant, suspecting something, wisely held his peace, but he followed the pair out and asked the guard at the door who the chap with the large head was. The guard told him. MOST EXCLUSIVE CLUB. English Joy That There Is One Door Riches Won't Unlock. The Royal Yacht squadron Is proba bly the most exclusive club In exist ence, says the London Gentlewoman, and, wonderful to relate in this pluto cratic age, money is quite powerless to unlock the charmed portals of the castle. One or two millionaires with splen did yachts have tried in vain to pass the ordeal of the periodical ballot, while men of no fortune or only just enough to defray the upkeep of a small yacht have been elected without an Idea of a black ball. The only apparent qualification is that the candidate must possess a yacht of his own, but there art? other qualifications much more difficult of attainment by the man of money, and it is just here that the question of blackballing comes in, it must be own ed, rather refreshingly. For really one had almost said that there is no social "holy of holies" into which he who Is rich cannot penetrate until one recalls the pleasant circle of gentlemen who goto make up the Royal Yacht squadron. There is, one remembers gratefully, just one Insti tution left to which the mystic words | "I am rich" do not have the effect of j an "open sesame." Smyrna Figs. j Smyrna figs ripen by the beginning | of August. They are not picked, hut when they reach a certain maturity they begin to dry, and consequently they drop 011 the ground'. In the morn ing everybody on the plantations goes around with buckets gathering the fruit, which they carry to a certain place where the ground is covered with dry leaves and straw (sergeit and on which they spread the fruit, exposing it to the sun, allowing it to j remain titer." from two to three days. | It takes ahunt three days to dry the ! fig if north winds prevail, as the at | mosphere is then very dry. If, how. ever, westerly winds are blowing, j which means heavy dew at night, the fruit must remain exposed to the sun j from live to seven days. This is a | dangerous period, as rain or even a j shower nti;;lit ruin hundreds of tons of I fruit lying on the ground. Heavy dews j sometimes are just as detrimental, j The proper atmospheric conditions to j insure a crop of large, sound, rich figs | are west winds in June and July, fol lowed by north winds in August, and from then on an occasional west wind every five or six days. Not a Nursery. j "Before I got this job I had no idea j so many funny things happened on street cars," said a new conductor, ac cording to the Denver Post. "Every day I see and hear things that are amusing. For instance, a woman with a bahy about two years old boarded my car and rode downtown. When we reached Fifteenth and California she rose to get off. The baby was tucked j snugly In the corner of the seat. The woman hesitated in the aisle. 'Say,' I she said to me, 'l'd like to ask a favo» | of you.' " 'What Is it?' I asked. " 'l've got some shopping to do,' she said. 'Would you please take baby around a trip with you? I don't want him with me. I'll be back when you return to this corner and take him.' 1 " 'Madam,' I replied, 'I can't take ! care of your baby. Suppose he should j get to crying, as he undoubtedly j would?' | " 'Well, goodness me,' she said, 'you | could slap him, couldn't you?' " The Complete Alpinist. I The yO-ing millionaire had climbed the Jungl'rau, Monck and Eiger. i"lt is more dangerous work than tuo i toring," he said, "and, dear me, how the climber Is loaded down. lie re i sembles a peddler more than anything ] else, lie carries wood to make a fire ' with. He carries nails for his boots. lie carries a lamp. He also has an ax ; wherewith to cut steps for himself in perpendicular ice walls, and he has a cord wherewith to rope himself to his I companions, and he has a staff to help I him up and down the steeps. In the sack on his back there are all sorts j of things—tubes of concentrated soup, j tea, coffee, candles, socks, extra shirts, ' gloves, pins, brandy, meat extract, ' smoked glasses. And dangling be- I tween his shoulders is a pair of ! snowshoes, without which in the hot August sun he would sink in the soft | snow quite up to his knees at every , step."—New Orleans Times-Democrat. Wanted the Other One. | A handsome and neatly dressed young woman was walking down the street the other day, followed by her favor ite dachshund pup. It was market [ day, and the pavement being soine ! what crowded caused the dog to get j some distance behind its mistress, i Fearing it would lose sight of her, she called, "Come along, sir!" ! A would be wit who was near step ped up to her and with great politeness said, "Certainly, miss." "Ah," she exclaimed us her pet came running up, "you have made a mis take! This is the puppy 1 called."— London Tit-IMts. A Source of Joy. "What seems to be the matter with Mrs. Brown that she's ailing so?" "Why, poor thing, she's got one of those newfangled diseases." "She has? My, how fortunate she Is, to be sure. Here I've had nothing more stylish than lumbago, and I'm three years older than she is."—Detroit Free I'ress. A "Place of Learning." Sydney Smith, once asked why a cer tain college was called a place of learn ing, replied that, although a great many had been there to get learning, no one had ever taken leurniug away: hence it was appropriately named. Officeholders. "Well, there's one thing to be said for public servants." "What's that?" "When you hire one you never have any trouble keeping him."—Cleveland Leader. Out of Mind. Fenton —At first ho was simply crazy about her, but now he neglects her shamefully. Sloanes—l see. At first he went out of his mind, and then she went out of his mind." COLORS IN THE OCEAN. Various Causes For the Different Tints of the Water. Sky and cloud colore art- often re flected In the sea, but Just as the air has Its sunset glory so water has Its changing tints quite apart from mere reflection. Olive and brown lines in the waves off the coast come from the muddy sediment washed from the shore, as blues arise chiefly from reflected sky. But there are many other colors In the ocean. On almost every long voyage at sea spots of reddish brown color are noticed at one time or another. When a few drops of the discolored water are examined under a micro scope myriads of minute cylinder shap ed algae are seen, some separate, somo Joined together in scores. It Is this organism—sometimes called "sea saw dust"—which has giveu the name to the Red sea, although it also abounds In other waters. Sometimes the wa ter far from land will be seen to be of a chocolate hue for au extent of sev eral miles, and this Is caused by mil lions upon millions of minute one cell ed animals which lash themselves along, each on his erratic individual course, by means of the finest of hair like threads of cilia.—Pearson's. Fiddled Into Office. Lossing relates that in ISIS he met at Oswego, X. V., Major Cochran, then nearly eighty years old, a son-in-law of General Philip Schuyler, who told the story of his election to congress during the administration of the elder Adams. A vessel was to be launched on one of the lakes in interior New York, and people came from afar to see it. The young folks gathered there, determined to have a dance at night. There was a fiddle, but no fiddler. Young Cochran was an ama teur performer, and his services were demanded. lie gratified the joyous company, and at the supper table one of the gentlemen remarked, in com mendation of his talents, that he was "fit for congress." The matter was talked up, and he was nominated and elected a representative in congress for the district then comprising the whole of New York west of Schenec tady. He always claimed to have "fiddled himself Into congress." A Worthy Des ; re. An ambitious young Chicagoan called upon a publisher of novels in that city, to whom he imparted confidentially the information that ho had decided to "write a book" and that he would be pleased to afford the publisher the chance to bring it out. "May I venture to inquire as to the nature of the book you propose to write?" asked the publisher very po litely. "Oh," came in an offhand way from the aspirant for fame, "I think of doing something on the line of 'Les Mlserables.' only livelier, you know!" — Lippineott's. Spoiled His Appetite. "Every bit of food on this table," said the serving lady to Lamson as he sat down to eat at the church supper, "was cooked by your wife." "Oh, I don't mind," rejoined Lam son faintly. "I'm not a bit hungry, anyway!"— New York Times. Added a Little Sulphur. Doctor—Did your husband follow m> directions? Did he take the medicine 1 left for him religiously? Patient's Wife—l'm afraid not. doctor. He swore every time I gave him a dose.—Boston Transcript. For the noblest man that lives there •till remains a conflict -Garfield. A Rem