IT®irm G»g*i's Easter ** EE, Tom's In luck!" said Larry I ( I-'inn as be watched two of VVJJ the prettiest girls In the ■ward sail liy the engine house nnd Klve Tom Brennan, the handsom est fireman of hook and ladder com pany No. —, a perfect fusillade of eye adoration. "To the divii wid Tom!" said Dooley Bryan, shrugging his brawny shoul ders in downright disgust "lie don't be human. What ails him Oi dunno— all the gurrils in the parish crazy over his black eyes an' he not notlcin' thim!" "Was he always so?" inquired Larry, "lie was." returned Dooley, "Iver since Maggie llarrigan tuk the veil." "Oho!" said Larry. "They were engaged," said Dooley, enraptured with himself as a gossip, "when Maggie got the vocation. It was near killin' Tom, but av course he could do nothin'." "lie couldn't?" said Larry. "Why didn't he carry her off?" "Murder, ye divll, plnvat ye be sayln'? 'Tis the bride of heaven she is. It's ashamed av you OI am, ye baste. No; poor Tom had to submit, but he's Pi ft I uiver been the TX^I same. Oi sup- h\y pose now," con- RL | Fsc)~l/] eluded Mr. Bry- }J~ i 711, an meditatively, J "if wan av thim 1 gSH? minibers av the 11 H T were to come by j Vj and give Tom E ' the glad eye he'il ■' rail niver incourage ~ her. 'Tisstlirange thot the nuts al lus fall to the toothless divils." "TO THE DIVII. WID With which TOM!" SAIV> DOOLEY sage observation BBYAN. Mr. Bryan betook himself to the bur nishing of the hose cart as a relief to his overcharged emotions. All was true. Since the day Tom Brennan tore his manly heart out in bidding an eternal farewell to the Ijpnutiful girl who renounced him for her vocation the big fellow had never been the same. All women were like shadows to him.' lie had loved one truly, devotedly, and he had been forced to give her up to heaven. lie could never love another. Tom never noticed women. He sim ply went about his business of saving property and lives as if there were nothing else in the universe for a big, handsome, athletic fellow. Often as he lay in his bunk at tile engine house, as he rode tempestuously through the crowded streets, as he fought the flames, he repeated to him self the last words he had said to his beloved: "I love you, Maggie, darlin'. I would live for you or I would die for you, and since you bid me tear out my heart I must' rlo It " «•••••• The Easter morning dawned—the very Easter 011 which Tom lrad hoped to lead his sweetheart to the altar. lie thought of her as he roused from his dreams -of hor sweet face. Life was over for him, he said. He saw again the crowded church, the white robed novices. He smelled thrf Incense, he heard the roll of the organ, the solemn voice of the priest lie shivered and, turning, buried his face iu his pillo*. Suddenly the alarm roused him. He listened. He sprang from his bunk and a moment later was down the polo and in his place on the truck. His face was like the face of the dead. As in a dream he heard the cry, "Where is it?" and the answer from a dozen lusty throats, "The convent!" The convent and the orphans' home adjoining were ablaze. It was evident at a glance that the buildings were doomed. The main business was to save the sisters and the children. / The bravery of the nuns and their proteges was only second to that of the magnificent fellows who fought for the lives of those helpless people. Ev ery one recalls the amazing fortitude and courage displayed at this fright ful hour. The children had been well drill ed for just such a moment of peril, and nobly did they now obey their in structors. Such deeds of heroism as were done that bitter morning are nev er lost. Their memory remains as an eternal inspiration. Tom Brennan thrust a ladder up to a window of the dormitory just beneath the huge gilded cross that surmounted the roof of the convent. In this window, serene, calm, her lips moving iu prayer, stood a sweet faced sister, fif!') I folding in her I WF/F ; S tums a tiny cTip ' / *'s P'cd boy. So ' syinboMc wa^s I mother superl rStfir n or . she kllolt xffk \ u i'^ n 11,0 ,)nre wjjrffijL ground and \ \ Wh en To tn ])] Brennan. his '' face blackened 1 FOR ONE INSTANT HE with smoke and HBI.D HER ON 111s bis eyes blazing MKAJ,T - with heroic ex- ! eitement, reached the window Sister j Mary Beatrice looked steadfastly at him with her old sweet smile, the smile he had loved. He held out his arms. "The child first, Tom," she said as she laid the little boy on the broad j breast of the fireman. A mighty shout went up from the crowd below. All had seen that sub- j lime act. All realized what it meant j A dozen hands received the child, and Tom Brennan turned back tin the ladder. He lifted Sister Mary Beatrice fw>ik the window. For one Instant he held her on hl» fceart Then as the frenzied spectators groaned and cursed and prayed the ronvent walls swaved In. IM ASmi — 1 THROUGH Hays of Lent, On sport intent, Dan Cupid fashioned arrows, And every day His aim, they say, He practiced on the sparrows. Now, days of Lent Myrtilla spent In projects for adorning A costly hat Of splendor that She'd wear on Easter morning. Thus Cupid and Myrtilla planned With skill and cui'lD AIMED A swiftness SHAFT, laden; But, 10, the dart Found not the heart, But the headgear of the maidenl "Ho, ho!" she cried With saucy pride. "You did it very neatlyl My hat was bare. Your arrow there Becomes it most completely." But, filled with shame At wretched aim And practice unavailing, The pretty boy, Bereft of joy, Before her stood bewailing. Then to his side She stepped and cried: . t ''Cheor up, you ''' 7X silly Cu P' dl dgMjjtj/ blind [7 IF S-\. I've hoard—l "in HEART IS IN MY You'd know my EASTER HAT. slit!" heart Is in my Easter hat. sir!" SAVED BY THE MUD. Exciting Elepkant Adventure In the Heart of Africa. j During a hunting trip in Africa A. • Henry Savage Landor had a narrow escape from two elephant:) which he was stalking. He had got to within ten yards of the male elephant and, taking careful aim, pulled the trigger. 1 The story of what followed is told in Mr. Landor's book "Across Widest Africa:" The cartridge never went off, but un fortunately my kresh, who relied oil t,lie effectiveness of my weapon, fired at the same moment with his match lock. We were such a short distance from the animal that he actually hit bim in the head. 1 shall never forget my surprise when the elephant lifted his trunk skyward and in his fury roared like thunder. A moment later the elephant, with his trunk extended, dashed after us, I, too, with my useless rifle in my hand, having by that time acquired a high rate of speed. Had I been running a race for the world's record I am sure I should have won tlie prize. It was amazing to me how fast I could run, as I confess my blood turned perfectly cold when I could feel the hoarse blowing trunk of the elephant only a few rods behind me, and I expected every minute to be crushed into a jelly. In that particular part of the country these marshy plaias are extraordinarily sticky and slushy, so the moment I dashed into the grass at the record breaking speed at which I was travel ing my feet stuck in the soft and slushy mud, and I was precipitated with my face nnd hands Iu the slush, my rifle sinking deep. This was the supreme moment of ap prehension. I said goodby to the wijrhl and imagined myself dead. No one could have iieen more surprised than I was when, a reasonable time to be killed in having elapsed, I got up again and perceived the elephant a few y;irds off, cantering away in the opposite di rection. Ilis back view was a great relief to me. He had come to within two or three yards of where I had fallen and, having himself sunk in the soft mud. had turned around and struggled away, leaving big circular footmarks, regular holes four or five feet deep In the uiud. Spotting Smokeless Powder. ierman military authorities are cx -1 -lmonMii". with a device by which the location of troops using smokeless powder may be easily discovered. By this device it is proposed to survey the landscape through pale red glasses. The flash of smokeless powder appears strong in red light, while ordinary ob jects are dimmed. By furnishing field glasses with the device In question, which is provided with screens of the ! proper tint, the position of concealed ; marksmen can be detected. San Francisco's Rat Hunt. Fearing that the Pacific fleet would 1 be kept away from their city by fear j of the plague, a few cases of which have appeared in San Francisco, the i residents of that city have raised a fund of $500,000 to hunt out the rats i that are supposed to spread the plague ! and clean up the garbage on which | they feed. A bounty of 50 cents is ; paid for each rat. Traps, poison and ; firearms are being used, and the av- j erage bill is already several thousand a week. And at Tiie root of tile cross 'lorn Brennan died for his "Maggie darlin'." j —Edith Sessions Tupper in New York Herald. AN ENDOWED STUDENI Will Makes William Cullen B. Kemp Collegian For Life. HOLDER OF SEVERAL DEGREES Columbia Man Who Has Been at the University Many Years Must Keep on Chasing Knowledge, Else His $2,500 Annuity Will Stop—ls Still One of the "Boys." William Cullen Bryant Kemp, LL. 8., LL. M.. A. 8., A. M„ lias started iu with his accustomed jauntiness of I spirit to take the degree of Ph. D. at ; his old stamping ground, Columbia j university. In taking this degree more 1 time than for any other degree is al j lowed by the university, lie may have j five years in which to grasp political I economy and the kindred subjects that equip oue for rank as a doctor of phi losophy. The Kemp who was named after the poet who, as a mere boy, wrote "Than atopsis" is an older element in the contemporaneous history of the instl- I tutlon than many of the great build : tugs which cluster around the dome of | the library building, says the New York Times. Generations have flowed Into the dormitories and class rooms and flowed out fitted for endeavor iu : the world, but Kemp has stuck, and ; the years have seen him still the col lege boy, working for a degree, with j his hair growing sparser and his form 1 taking on gradually that rotundity of | the well fed man of the forties. I In the registrar's otliee the other day the clerk smiled and said that of J course he knew Kemp. Kemp was : there when the clerk was in linen pin ; afores at home and before he got in | touch with the registration books. As | far back as his means of research al j lowed he found the name of William : Cullen Bryant Kemp recorded as out | for the LL. B. in IS93—that was flf -1 teea years ago—and the newest book j jf record had him down as out for the : Ph. D. I In these maturer college days of Kemp—one report has it that he has i been a student for twenty-seven years ; —he appears ever and anon in khaki J knickerbockers and with a ehrysanthe ! mum in the lapel of his well fitted jacket Iu Livingston hall, where his I snug rooms are, he shares in the j bright, cheerful dormitory life of the scores of youngsters when he is not ; boning away for exams, j The mystery of Kemp's student dec | ades is 110 longer a mystery. There is ; hardly a boy who has been at the unl i versity for two years who has uot | heard It told and It iu turn. It Is J to the effect that Kemp when a youth I displayed an antipathy to the regular J course of study and that he would uot j be ready on any examination day or I gather enough of book learning to j make even a fair show along with the | most dillident of students. | To remedy this Kemp, the boy, was provided for in the will of a wealthy j relative who was wise iu his day and generation and given to the under ; standing of human nature. This rela | tive provided an income for Kemp of I $2,500 a year, the same to be paid hlin as long as he remained at Columbia university and to cease when he left. Kemp was in 110 danger of brain : fever from overwork at the time this I arrangement was first made, but it is , said that ho managed thereafter to re main on the college register as a stu dent and draw the first year's money i coming to him. He could have been graduated many, many years ago, of I course; but, the students say, the real ization of the practical uses to which ! $2,000 a year could be put brought him to a sense of veneration for the pursuit of knowledge, and he began to : nurse the curriculum for all it was worth. From IS9C, when he got his LL. 8., to 1000 were years of leanness iu the gathering of degrees for Kemp, but he accumulated the easy A. 1(. in 1900 and during the following year made a spurt and picked up the A. M.and the LL. M. But this was exhausting too rapid ly the degrees that might be attained during a goodly space of years 011 a comfortable inheritance paid yearly. The seven years until now have been leaner than any of the other stretches, nnd Kemp is boning away on the long est of all the stretches, the live years allowed for the acquiring of the Ph. I>. Learning has become a profession with Student Kemp now. Just how old he is Ids fellow students profess not to know. Some say that he has finished with the forties nnd W trudging along toward sixty in his khaki knickerbock ers. with his books under his arm and his chrysanthemum in his jacket lapel. With the Ph. D. the endowed student will have used up the last of the scholarly degrees offered by Columbia, but may go back for postgraduate courses and get a bachelor of science degree in two classes. Moreover, when these resources in the battle against the tread of time have been used up Kemp may cast about and select de grees In the more practical and mate rial lines of mental accomplishment There will bo mining, electrical engi neering. civil engineering, architecture, pharmaceutical chemistry, mechanical engineering, and that will be the end. (Ie will either leave college without an Income or be removed nt the head of a procession of cnrrlages. Should the faculty body take no ac tion for the relief of Student Kemp about twenty years from now, when the last degree is tacked to his name, they will behold him cast adrift with out a cent—William Cullen Bryant Kenp. M. IX, A. 8., A. M.. LL. M„ LL. 8.. Ph. D., C. E„ E. E.. Mech. E.. ! E. M.. I'har. Chem.. B. S.. B. S„ B. S. A Couple of Bulls. In the report of a Dublin charity or ganization the following paragraph ap peared: "Notwithstanding the large amount ' paid by the society for medical attend ance and medicine very few deaths oc curred during the year." Which calls to mind the story of the two countrymen who were passing an eye hospital famous for its skillful op erations. "Jack," explained one of them im pressively. "in there they'll take your eyes out and put them on the table In front of you and let you look at them." LUDLOW'S GOOD LUCK Millions In -Store For a Massa chusetts Town. DAZZLING FUTURE BEFORE IT Magnfccent Windfalls Planned by Charles D. Rood For His Native Vil lage—The Worthy Poor to Be Aided. Money For Absteminous Young Men. The little town of Ludlow, not far from Springfield, Mass., has a dazzling future before It. After awhile SIO,OOO is going to be distributed to certain of its citizens. After another while $317,208 will be passed around, and finally, after a third chance to get Its breath, $lO,- 193,195 will be bestowed on the Lud low folks. It is stupendous. There is only one trouble. It's going to be an uncom monly long time between chances to quaff this golden llood. Ludlow, in fact, is keeping quite calm. According to the Village, Charles P. Hood is the man who has planned these magnificent windfalls for his native village. Ho was born in Lud low sixty-six years ago and still has a summer home there. But at an early age he left the place, went out into the world and proceeded to mako gobs of money, lie decided to give four gobs to Ludlow. The first one, amounting to SI,OOO, will l)e placed at interest until the next centennial of Ludlow's settlement and then lie distributed among the worthy poor of the town, especially in the cen ter district. Certain sums to bo given to every young man who has abstained from the use of intoxicating liquors and tobacco until his twenty-first birth day are excepted. Another SI,OOO will bo placed at in terest and used in the second centen nial in the same manner. A. third SI,OOO will be placed at iß te /est and used in the third coming fentennlal under similar conditions. Of the fourth SI,OOO the Interest is to lie used perpetually and annually for prizes for the best pupils in the differ ent schools. Tiiese ,jifis may look comparatively small on their face, but when figured out iti their ultimate proportions they loom large. The next centennial of the town will come sixty-six years from next June. The first SI,OOO, in vested at 3'i per cent interest, com pounded semiannually, as is the cus tom with savings banks, will amount to $9,5"5 on the next centennial day. As Ludlow has but 3.KSI inhabitants, according to the census of 1905, and the total number of registered voters last year was less than 500, this sum will provide adequately for the ab stemious young men and the worthy poor unless the town grows more rap- Idly than it has grown in the last 134 years. The second SI,OOO, Invested under similar conditions, will yield $317,208 at tlie following centennial, 100 years from now. With the knowledge of this fund, which doubtless will bo widespread at that time, the number of nondrinking and nonsmoking young men In town ought to be large enough to give Ludlow a worldwide reputa tion for the conduct of its youth. But the grand prize is still a century off. The third SI,OOO, invested at 3' j per cent, will, in June of the year 2171, when the time comes for Its distribu tion. amount to the stupendous sura of $10,193,195, increasing more than ten thousandfold from the original sum. The number of virtuous yotilig men and worthy poor that can be provided for with tills great fund would be enough to make a respectably sized city. More than this, the town's bene factor has provided for perpetual and annual prizes for"the best pupils in the public schools, annual relief for the poor of the town. Independently of the distributions of the large funds, an nual assistance In the support, main tenance and repair of the First Con gregational church of Ludlow and the payment of the pastor's salary. There will be also annual distribu tions of Bibles to baptized children who have reached the age of seven years and money prizes for Sunday school pupils who have had a perfect record of attendance for a year. New Danger For Nurses. Superintendent Frlsbee of the Pru dential Life Insurance company re lated an incident which greatly stirred those present, embodying as it does a striking exemplification of loyalty. A few weeks ago Agent E. E. Searing of the Newark (N. J.) staff, while in pur suit of his dally work, was struck by a trolley car and seriously injured. One of his legs was broken In two places, and his head was severely lacer ated. Sick and all as he was—unable to stand. Indeed—he actually got on the job and secured from the trained nurse attending him an application for a SI,OOO twenty year endowment poli cy, collecting the annual premium of $11.97. As can readily be imagined, the recitation of these facts aroused the meeting to great enthusiasm and applause for the grand old man. Artistic Visiting Cards. A pretty Idea in visiting cards is to lie revived in Vienna by the Austrian Ex Llbrls library. It is proposed to have the cards decorated with a tiny etching as well as the name, each de sign being distinctive of Its owner. The artistic visiting card, which was customary In the eighteenth century, would not only be a characteristic ex pression of one's taste and tendencies, but it would provide another object for "collecting." Wanted Himself. One afternoon the proprietor of an animal store said to his young clerk: "Tom, I'm going upstairs to work on the books. If any one comes in SOT a live animal, let me know. You can attend to selling the stuffed ani mals yourself." About half an hour later in came a gentleman with his son and asked lom if he could show him a live mon key. To the customer's amazement the clerk ran to the foot of the stairs and yelled: "Come down; come down, sir; yon're wanted!"— Judge. Ulster to CajpftivKty EASTEIt Sunday in a prison Is welcomed as one of the great days of the year, when there Is a little extra Indulgence In the way of eating and amusement and some relaxation In the usual discipline. The prison officials endeavor as far as possible to make the day a little dif ferent from the usual Sunday, though, with the best intentions, • they cannot do much. Easter Sunday begins for the prison ers at about half past 7, when the great prison bell rings and the guards un lock the cell doors. Away down the corridor you hear a stamp, stamp, as of an advancing giant Line after line of black and gray striped figures march out on their way to breakfast. The mess room, with its rows of desk like tables, capable of seating more than a thousand men, looks like an im mense schoolroom. At the end of each table Is a great pile of bread cut in thick slices, beside which stands a keeper. Each man on taking his seat finds before him a tin plate containing his breakfast, a pint of coffee, a slice of bread and a knife and fork. If he wants any more bread be holds lip his right hand and the guard nt the end of the table passes It to him. By holding DUETS AUE HEAIID. up his plate or cup ho can get more coffee or whatever there may be for breakfast Waste is avoided, but no man need go away from the table un satisfied. After a busy quarter of an hour the keeper in charge of the first company knocks on the table, and the men in his charge, some fifty or sixty, rise at once and form into line, each carrying his knife and fork in his hand. The keeper takes his station at the door, and as each man passes out he must deposit his knife and fork in the I'nv r>rnvl for (hut n.m«. If the day is line, the men are march ed around (he yard for half an hour, still keeping their formation, and a strange sight it is to see the long lines of men marching in and out around the buildings in endless procession. Exercises over, away Ihey inarch to the chapel, which, owing to the efforts of the chaplain and his friends, is dec orated with flowers and plants, dis posed so as to hide as much as possi ble the telltale bars and other sugges tive Items. Each man as he enters re ceives a printed programme of the services, containing also the hymns to be sung by the congregation. For weeks previously the prison choir has been practicing Easter music, and, as a rule, the prison choir Is quite compe tent to give as good a choral service as those of a great many city churches, there being no lack of well trailed voices, even a male soprano voice be ing far from unusual. The programme is a great deal more varied and exten sive than you would hear in a church and partakes more of the character of a sacred concert. Solos, duets, trios, quartets and even quintets are heard, varied by selections by a capital or chestra and in some prisons a full brass band. Often some of the pieces are by some talented prisoner. The religious services are brief, most of the time iieing taken up by the choir. The whole is over iu about an hour and a half. Then comes the march back to the ceils, each man re ceiving as lie passes the mess room a tin containing his aftcrnoou meal, which consists of three hard boiled eggs, some cold potatoes and a3 much bread as he cares to take. Taking bis place at the lever which locks every door on that gallery, the keeper waits until each man is In his place. At the signal each door is closed with a bang, snap goes the lever, and tifty doors are securely lpcked. Then conies the count. Each man stands liehiud his door, which, being formed of iron bars, per mits him to be plainly seen, and as the keeper knocks with his key iu passing answers "Here." A second keeper re peats the count, and then for the pres ent each man Is left to the enjoyment of his own company. At 12 o'clock the prison wakes up again a little as the mess room waiters pass from door to door with great cans of boiling coffee. Soon all is quiet again, and little can lie heard as the afternoon drags along except the soft footfall of the felt shod patrol or an impatient sigh from a wakeful prison er. At 5 o'clock fresh water is served out to each man, and his lamp is light ed. Slowly the time drags along until 0 o'clock, when at the striking of the prison gong all lights are put out, the great pclson is soon as quiet as a city of the dead, and Easter Sunday has passed.—New York Evening Post Discounted. "Papa," said the diminutive daugh ter of a New York manufacturer, "If 1 bring your slippers to you every night you come home, -will you give me 5 cents a week that I can have to spend?" "Yes, Catherine," her father replied, feeling that such an arrangement would teach her a few principles of regularity and thoughtfulness. "Well, then, papa, I thought of this a long time ago, so I think you owe me about 15 cents by this time."—New York Times. |L, 'i 1 NOTES rj C.M.BARNITZ RIVERSIDE . A CORRESPONDENCE SOLICITED U/V Jjff .. THE POULTRY SNEAK THIEF. Tho weasel as a sneak thief and softly stealing assassin is beyond de scription. Silently gliding like a serpent, he slips through an inch opening, bounds on his harmless victim, sucks its blood and wantonly cuts tho throat of every fowl. The beautiful thrush, nestling its young or on leafy branch caroling to its Maker, is suddenly seized and its trilling throat pierced by the fangs of the murderer. Ills technical name, putorius, from "putor," "bad smell," is appropriate, for, like the polecat, he throws off a vile odor. Diminutive in size, ho is a consolidated devil—a cross of deep dyed villain, skunk and silent striking copperhead.- Behold that long, lithe, wiry, restless, quickly moving, muscu lar body! That flat head, projected from all the openings in his retreat seemingly at once, sways from side to side, like tho cobra ready to strike. THE MUKDEIIEIS UNMASKED. Above are the fearful jaws and serpent fangs that cut the throats of eighty chickens in one night. The skin is drawn back to unmask tho ! murderous killing weapons and to dis play the intricate network of muscles that work the powerful jaws, which make tho weasel the most dreaded enemy of tho poultry keeper. Though he weighs from five to eight ounces and is from six to ten Inches in length, yet this little sausage shaped creature I Is much feared and formidable. lie has | been known to lUII the eagle and attack j a live prong buck. I On Jan. 17 last a miner was ter ribly lacerated ou i use rotten eggs tor nest eggs. Your mother-in-law may get an old one for breakfast. Then for a bust-up. Don't expect a five dollar cockerel for a dollar. Have you any real five dollar birds for a dollar bill? We have never bought any and would like to try It. Don't forget when chicks, ducklings and poults appear that they should bo kept separate from each other and the old stock. The old gander will guard the gosling. Don't forget heredity. A crooked tall on a hen puts a crooked tail on a cock erel. Hat ditto. .V crooked beak on tho cock puts a lopsided mouth on the pul lets. Where did you get your crook edness? t Don't spend your time writing spring poetry, but raise spring poultry. The former will bring you an N'. G. check I to your aspirations, but the latter will j bring a check to pay for your wife's Easter hat. SETTING A HEN. Test her first with doorknobs and j corncobs. If her enthusiasm increases, I arrange a roomy nest, so she may turn and leave and return without | breaking the eggs. Underlay the oat | straw with tobacco stems and dust | the hen with louse powder two days | before you give her eggs and redtist | the fifteenth day. Hint.—A lien will not eat at once after dieting and will soil the eggs if put : back on the nest. Set ber in a j secluded spot and you will get a good I hatch If you have a good lieu, goo t j eggs and you are a good fellow to j tend her. ! Bill of Fare.—Whole corn, grit, wa | ter, dust box; no green food, meai | scrap nor mash. If you are faithful, it [ will not bo twins nor triplets, but on the twenty-first day she will serve a i whole family of chicklets on the half I shell. FEATHERS AND EGGSHELLS. | Ducklings, white clover and honey j bees are a bad combination. Better be i careful. j To get a white flesh market chicken ! feed white ground oats and skimmilk: ! corn for yellow backs. When you buy dressed fowls, if tho j bird is healthy kick against a packed crop. Too high for corn. It's against j the law to sell packed crop chickens in some states. Call the cop. ! It's common sense to keep lire ex | tingulshers handy. It's 110 joke to j grab a red hot incubator and fire it out j side the fire zone. Swish, swash, hiss, j and the extinguisher lias saved you ; from being beaten by the insurance company! j The yield of farm products for 1007 reaches $7,-112,000,000, or 5G.j7.000,000 | above 1900. The farmers' poultry did | their part. Who got the big pull? "The ■ trusts," says the farmer. Yes; they i play their trick, and the farmer gets a j gold brick. i Chickens that pick toward the sharp j point of the shell seldom get out. They j do not absorb the yolk; it bursts, and j they drown. Sometimes a chicken will ! stick fast to the shell. You can help it | to liberty, but the majority of these | stickers have crooked backs, crooked j necks and crooked feet and amount to j nothing. If nature can do no hetter j with such crooked material, can you? j "Dear reader, if John Brown's pretty ! peacock gets over your fence and lays | sin egg under your rosebush and you j get it. whose egg is that?" "Mine, of | course." "Yours? Well, prove it." j "Oil, that's easy! I've got the egg, and possession is nine points of the law." | "Sure your right?" "Well, 1 guess, j and If you weren't so pigheaded you'd j see it." "Well, then, my dear, would j It make any difference if that egg had ! been laid by a pretty peahen?" j Who ever heard of a goose special? i Well, then, Russia is ahead. A special j goose train of twenty to forty cars | steams over tho Russian border into Berlin every day. Each car holds 1.2<>0 | cacklers. Imagine 48,000 geese honk ing and hissing while a multitude of I our good natured German friends bid 1 for them! Berlin's "goosey gander" ! bill is $2,000,000 a year. The German | emperor relishes roast goose stuffed ! with onions, decorated with liquid hops I This Is not leze majesty. ' Don't get your troughs and water ; vessels mixed. Roup, cholera, chicken pox. canker, are contagious. sliiiifi Reliable TIN SHOP Tor all kind of Tin Roofing, Spoutlne and Canaral JoN Work. Stoves. Moaters, Ran*oa, Furnaces, «to. PRICES THE LOWEST! QUALITY TDE BEST! JOHN IIIXSON 10. U» E. FRONT ST.