Hettie Green
on flarriage
Mrs. Hettie Green, reputed to be
he richest woman in America, is also
•aid to be devoid of sentiment. Accord
ng to those who claim to know the
ady she is severely practical and de
cidedly "near". She has made a very
;reat success of life from a material
tandpoint, but, we infer from some
ecent incisive remarks from her ton
•ne, has never yearned for a European
it as a fitting pendant to her wealth
J i. Green was talking about inter
lat >nal marriages the other day. It is
ler conviction that the young women
jvho marry foreign titles in exchange
'or their money get precisely what
liey deserve. If the husband turns
>ut a brute and a spendthrift and if
he wife's life is made so unhappy
.hat she is tiually forced to seek safe
v in separation, nobody ought to be
Public and
Private Schools
Doctor Eastburn, who died the other
lay, was long the master of a private
school or academy for boys which oc
cupied a distinguished place 'among
such institutions here.Some years ago
rhe academy languished aud failed for
lack of support, and Doctor Eastburn
became a professor in one of the pub
lic secondary schools. He is said to
have attributed the decline of his
academy to liis inability to meet the
•ompetition in athletics.
Probably there was something in
this pathetic complaint. But the truth
is that his was only one of the many
private academies that have passed
away in recent years, not because of
athletics, but because the development
of secondary education in the public
schools had made their- superfluous.
There is proof of this in statistics
which show that while the number of
public high schools in the United
States had increased from 3626, with
302,963 pupils, in 1890, to 7576 schools
with 679,702 pupils, in 1905, the priv
ate high schools and academies in 1905
were actually fewer than fifteen years
before, numbering altogether but
1627, of which more than one-ha 1
were denominational schools.
This seems to tell the story of the
327 ARRESTS FOR
ILLEGALGAR RIDING
Statements just issued by the Penn
sylvania Railroad company show that
on the lines east of Pittsburg and Erie
804 arrests were made during the
month of August. Out of the total
uumber of arrests made, 327 were on
account of illegal train riding.Of this
lumber 27 paid their fare.
Twenty-nine arrests were made for
intoxication. Eighty arrests were
Jade for larceny aud burglary, while
e remaining number were made for
iscellaueous offenses. Of those cou
nted 331 paid fines and 358 were
sent to jail. One .hundred and five
were discharged.
The company is putting forth a spec
ial effort to stop :liegal train riding
aud the reports this month show that
only one more arrest was made dur
ing the month of August than during
the month of July. The police depart
ment is making the largest number of
arrests for illegal train riding on the
Philadelphia and Erie and the North
ern Central divisions.
According to the reports tiie largest
total uumber of arrests is being made
between Altoona aud Philadelphia on
the main liue. The total number of
arrests for the mouth of July was 741
against 804 for the month of August.
A short time ago the police depart
ment of the Pennsylvania Railroad
was reorganized in order to get a bet
ter method of putting a stop to illegal
train riding. Since the new ruling
was inaugurated the number of ar
rests lias run high above that for form
er mouths.
While Mrs. Harpachak, of Milnes
ville, Luzerne county, was scrubbing
a board walk on Monday her 4-year
old son came running aloug, fell and
tipped over the vessel of boiling wat
er scalding him so severely that the
flesh fell from the bones, and the lit
tle fellow died in a few hours.
Wiliner Delap, aged 4 years and par
tially blind, was burned to death on
Monday at his parents' home near
Gettysburg, his clothing having caught
fire while playing with matches. In
his agony lie rushed against a table
which threw him underneath a baby
coach in wliioh a baby was sleeping.
fThe coach caught fire but the babe
'was rescued before being much burn
ed.
surprised. It is simply another illus
tration of the old truth that one is
sure to reap what one sows.
Mrs. Green added that if her son
were silly enough to sell himself and
risk his happiness in this world and
the next for the sake of a title she
would disown him. She probably re
presents the sentiment of most sensi
ble Americans.lt is amazing how reck
less many of the young women of
America are in view of the sad re
sults to many of their sisters of mar
riages in high life. There are foreign
noblemen, of course, who are high
minded and honorable men. They
would make good husbands if they are
not already such. But you do not dis
cover men of that calibre wandering
about in search of a young woman
from America whose chief attraction
is her fortune.
decline of private academies not sup
ported with some definite purpose—
religeous or other— which the public
schools cannot supply. Twenty years
ago well-to-do parents usually sent
their sons to private schools, not
merely because of the personal associa
tions, but because the public schools
were unsatisfactory and of very
limited range. The immense develop
ment that has since taken place, es
pecially in the higher grades that fit
the pupil for college or for profession
al studies, has relieved many parents
from the necessity of incurring the
great cost of private tuition for their
sons.
There always will be many who
prefer the atmosphere of private
schools, and there are long-establish
ed academies, at least in all the older
States, whose prestige will sustain
them against auy possible public com
petition. Denominational influences
are also important to those who are
not satisfied with a purely Beoular
education. Thus private academies
will not disappear, but they are not
multiplying, and only those that have
fome distinctive character or record —
even if it be only in "athletics"—
have esoaped the leveling process of
the public schools.
LADY MINSTRELS
FORDAMILLE
A minstrel show, with the entire
cast composed of ladies and local lad
ies at that, is to be the novel and
unique entertainment that will be
givenjin Danville within the next few
weeks. Danville lodge, No. 754 B. P.
O. Elks is back of the movement and
the entertainment committee of the
lodge promises a show that will eclipse
anything of its kind ever before given
in Danville.
The services of Mrs. R. Wallace, of
New York City, have been seoured
and she will have charge of the ar
rangement and presentation of the
show. Mrs. Wallace has been in Dan
ville since Sunday and has made much
progress, rehearsals already being
held.
The show will be of the time honor
ed minstrel variety, the melodious
circle, the interlocutor, the end men,
the variety second part and all the
trimmings. Mrs. Wallace requires 150
in the cast for her production, and
she includes among lior special fea
tures elaborate settings, handsome cos
tumes and fine singing.
There will be cow girl choruses and
Japanese girl choruses and all costum
ed in outfits especially designed by
Mrs. Wallace.
Neither the exact date for the pro
duction nor the place have been se
lected as yet. The entertainment, will
be given under the auspices of the
Danville lodge of Elks for the benefit
of the Elks' charity fund.
The coal companies in Northumber
land county like those in Luzerne,
have at last,after months of argument
with the county commissioners, decid
ed to pay their taxes as assessed, al
though the assessments aro much high
er than heretofore.
James Wright,aged 4 years, waß cut
ting pictures on Monday at his par
enii' home in Harrisburg when, in
running across the floor, he tripped
and fell, and the sharp' point of the
scissors he was using entered his breast
puncturing his lung and caused a fatal
wound.
John, the infant son of ex-Tax Col
lector Martin Gruhler.of Shenandoah,
died in Philadelphia,on Monday. This
makes the eleventh;death in the fam
ily within eighteen months.
GUHKD HIS
BRAINSTORM
Warden McDonnell, of the North
umberland county prison, tells the fol
lowing account of Henry Fisher's lat
est attaok of insanity
"It was shortly after Fisher was
convicted of murder in the first degree
that he showed signs of getting anoth
er brainstorm. He howled worse than
he ever howled before,and kept every
body awake as well as making him
self a general nuisance. He was start
ing to repeat the old trick which stav
ed off his trial last spring and lauded
him in the Danville hospital.
"There is a sure cure for this sort
of temporary insanity which ia better
than auy asylum treatment. Without
making auy fuss, wo put Fisher In the
dungeon.
"You say you never saw the dun
geon? It is built under the ground be
neath one of the wings. It has 110
windows, only stone walls and floor
and celling and an iron door. It's
blacker than the blackest night you
were ever out in. The walls are damp
where the water soaks through and
the stale air is never changed except
through a little hole for ventilation.
What the rats live on I don't know,
but they all thrive and some of them
are enormous. There is no cot or any
thing to sleep on,only the floor,whioh
is the rats' playground. You said you
were never in the dungeon? Come up
some day and I'll lock you in for
awhile, to show yon what it's like.
You'll appreciate it I know.
"That's where we put Fisher for
twenty-four hours. After we took him
out he was very quiet and subdued
and has been behaving pretty decently
ever since."
I PERSONALS! !
Charles Albeck left yesterday for a
trip to Philadelphia.
Miss Margaret Hixson returned yes
terday from a visit with friends in
Catawissa.
Miss Cad Phillips lias returned from
a visit with friends in Jersey Shore.
Rev. J. N. Wetzler returned to Sun
bury yesterday after a visit at the
home of Rev. L. D. Ulrich.
Miss Katherine Yastine left yester
day for a visit with friends in Lewis
burg.
Miss Bessie Hess and Margaret Ja
cobs spent yesterday with friends in
Bloomsburg
Mrs. E. D. Hughes returned lo her
home in Serantou Tuesday after a
pleasant visit with her brother,Erwin
Hunter.
Mrs. Isaiah Blue, of Valley town
ship, is visiting at the home of Erwin
Hunter, Church streot.
Mrs. Samuel Frazier returned to
Scranton yesterday after a visit with
friends in this city.
The North American lias recently
shown that enterprise in news gather
ing is a paying investment. When it
was announced that Secretary of War
Taft was to make a trip around the
world The North American at once
realized that |this journey must be of
the greatest international import, and
might mean the readjustment of nat
ional friendships and the smoothing
over of international differences.
Of all the newspapers in the United
States, The North American sent a
special correspondent along with the
secretary, and with the corresponden
a special photographer.
The importance of tlie news that
The North American has received
from Japan since Secretary Taft's ar
rival at Tokio has shown that The
North American's correspondent has
been wide awake, and lias not allowed
important facts to reuiaiu untold.
The special correspondent selected
for their work is Robert H. Murray,a
man who has had long training in
The North American office. The photo
grapher who accompanies Mr Murray
is Robert Lee Dunn, whose work a-i a
correspondent and photographer dur
ing the Russo-Japanese War brought
to Collier's a number of exclusive il
lustrations of famous battles.
In addition to cabled articles.Messrs
Murray and Dunn will turnish by
mail a series of illustrated special ar
ticles that will toll in clearer fashion
the meaning (if the Taft around-world
tour.
The Gerrymander.
The gerrymander, so called from its
author, Elbridgo Gerry, Is a division
of political boundaries by one party so
as to insure the defeat of political op
ponents by placing them in districts
containing a majority of hostile voters.
It has been worked successfully In hun
dreds of cases since Gerry lirst tried It,
although it is playing out as a political
expedient. The gerrymander often de
feats its purpose, as In the case of the
late President McKlnley, who was ger
rymandered out of congress in the old
Sixteenth Ohio district only to bo elect
ed governor of the state for two terms
by the Republicans and thence togo to
Washington twice as president of the
United States. Gerry first saw the
light on July 17, 1744. He was vice
president under Madison and had a
long and distinguished career as a
statesman. Pittsburg Chronicle-Tele'
graph.
James McCurtin, aged 31 years, of
Baltimore, died at the Butler hospit
al 011 Monday making the seventeenth
victim of the wheel works explosion
on October 6.
•'Clod Save the Commonwealth."
Election
Proclamation!
I, D. O. Williams, High Sheriff of
the County of Montour, in the Com
monwealth of Pennsylvania, do here
by make known and give notioe to the
Electors of the coantyof Montour,Pa.
tliat au election will be held in the
said County on Tuesday, the sth day
of November, A. D, 1907 it being the
Tuesday following the first Monday in
November, the polls to be opeued at 7
o'clock A. M.and closed at 7 o'clock
P. M. at which time the Freemen of
Montour County will vote by ballot
for the purpose of electing the follow
ing officers :
One person for State Treasurer.
One person for County Treasurer.
One person for Prothonotary and
Clerk of the Several Courts.
VOTING PLACES.
I hereby also make known aud give
notice that the places of holding the
aforesaid elections in the eeveral
Wards of the town of Danville and
Townships, within tho County of
Montour, Pa., are as follows, viz:
Anthony Township, at Exchange
Hall.
Cooper Township, at. Keller school.
Derry Township, at Billtneyer Ho-'
tel. Strawberry Ridge.
Danville, First Ward, at Court
House.
Danville, Second Ward, on Front
street near school house.
Danville, Third Ward, at corner of
Pine and Walnut streets.
Dauville, Fourth Ward,on Ash street
next to J. M. Kelso.
Liberty township, at Mooresburg,
house of C. S. Middleton.
Limestone Township, at California
Grange Hall.
Mahoning Township, at corner of
Bloom and Railroad streets.
Mayberry Township, at Sharp Ridge
school house.
Valley Township, at Mausdale, at
public house of David Wise.
West Hemlock Township, at Elec
tion Bootli near C. F. Styer.
Washiugtouville Borough, at public
house of Fanny Heddens.
NOTICE is hereby given "That
every person,excepting justices of the
peace, who shall hold any office or
appointment of profit or trust under
tlie government of the United States
or of tiiis State, or any city or incor
porated district, whether a commis
sioned officer or otherwise, a subordi
nate officer or ageut, who is, or shall
be employed under the Legislative.
Executive or Judiciary departments
of this State or United States or of
any city or incorporated district; and
also that any members of Congress
and of the State Legislature, and of
tho Select and Common Council of
any city, or commissioners of any in
corporated district is, by law, incap
able of holding or exercising, at the
same time, the office or appointment
of Judge, Inspector or Clerk of any
election of this Commonwealth; and
that no Inspector, Judge, or any other
officer of any such election shall be
eligible to any office, to be then voted
for. except that of an election officer.
Given under my' hand and seal at
my office, iu Dauville, Pa. this the
17th day of October, A. D. 1907.
D. O. WILLIAMS, Sheriff.
A State forest demonstration area is
to be established in Scotland. Tlie
government lias purchased for that
purpose an estate in Argyllshire con
taining 12.530 acres.
Oley township, lierks county,reports
a yield of 7,000 bushels of apples aud
claims the champiouship for the couu
ty.
Making Good.
There is no way of making ratting
friends like "Making Good;" and Doctor
Pierce's medlciuos well exemplify this,
and their friends, after more than two
decades of popularity, are numbered by
the hundreds of thousands. They have
"made good" aud they have not made
drunkards.
A good, honest, square-deal medicine of
known composition Is Dr. Pierce's Golden
Medical Discovery. U still enjoys an Im
mense sale, while most of the prepara
tions that have come into prominence in
; the earlier period of its popularity have
j "gone by the board "and aro never more
heard of. There must be some reason for
: this long-time popularity and that ts to
be found in Its superior merit?. When
once given a fair trial for weak stomach,
or for liver and blood affections, its supe
rior curative qualities are soon manifest;
hence it has survived and grown in pop
ular favor. while scores of less meritorious
articles have suddenly flashed into favor
for a brief period and then been as soon
forgotten.
For a torpid liver with its attendant
Indigestion, dyspepsia, headache, per
haps dizziness, foul breath, nasty coated
tongue. with bitter taste, loss of appetite,
with distress after eating, nervousness
and debility, nothing is so good as Dr.
Plereo's Golden Medical Discovery. It's
an honest, square-deal medicine with all
Its Ingredients printed on bottle-wrapper
—no secret, no hocus-pocus humbug,
therefore don't <iccent a substitute that
the dealer may possibly make a little big
ger profit. Insist on your right to have
what you call for.
Don't buy Dr. Pierce's Favorite Prescrip
tion expecting It to prove a "cure-all." It
Is only advised for woman's special all
merits. It makes weak women Ktronfj and
sick women well. Less advertised than
some preparations sold for like purposes,
its sterling curative virtues still maintain
Its posHoii In the front rtnks, where It
stood over two decades ago. As an in
vigorating tonic and strengthening nerv
ine it is snequaied. It won't satisfy those
who want "booze," for thero is not a drop
of alcohol In it.
9 r - P | f, rc e'? Pleasant Pellets, the rrrtrjt
rwij Little Liver Pills, although the first
pill of their kind in the market, still lead,
and when onco tried are ever afterwards
in favor. Easy to take as candy—one to
three a dose. Muoh Imitated but never
equaled.
ARTIFICIAL PEARLS.
What a Little Silver Fish Taught >
French Doadmaker.
"I'll tell you." sititl a jeweler, "how
the wonderfully perfect artificial pearl
came to foe Invented.
"A rich French beadmaker, Molse
Jaquin—he lived In the seventeenth \
century— found a pond In his garden
covered oue morning with a lovely sll
very luster. Amazed, he called his 1
gardener, who said It was nothing— |
eoine albcttes had got crushed; that
was all.
"AU>ettes were little silver fish,bleaks, 1
the Leuoiscus nlounms. The gardener
explained that if you crushed them
they always gave the water a pearly j
sheen likt* that. Jaquin put on his
thinking cap.
"For sis years he worked with beads
and bleaks, wasting millions of both,
bnt finally he achieved success. He
learned how to extract the pearly lus
ter from the blenks' scales and to cov
er a glass bead with It.
"What he did—and his method is
still used —was to scrape the scales from
the fish, wash and rub them and save
the water. The water, decanted, gave
off a lustrous fluid of the thickness of
oil, a veritable pearl paint, a magic
fluid that imparts a lovely pearly sheen
to everything it is applied to.
"It takes 1,000 blenks to yield an
ounce of this pearl paint."—New Or
leans Times-Democrat.
CIRCUS RIDERS.
They Earn Good Salaries, but Their
Careers Are Short.
A man horseback rider receives from
$75 to .$125 a week, and his career as a
principal rider lasts about ten years. It
is short uot so much because these men
get stiff and lose their agility as be
cause they lose their nerve. Nearly all
circus folk marry young, and with their
added responsibilities comes a lively
sense of danger which they ignored in
younger days. A man rider who can
not turn a somersault on a horse can
not command more than SSO a week. A
woman rider who can perform this
feat gets from $l5O to S2i iOji week if
she is a finished rider.
This isn't much when all the disad
vantages of tho calling are taken into
consideration, but it should be remem
bered that all the expenses are paid,
including the care, feeding and of
course the transportation of their
horses. All they have to provide Is
their own clothing. For the men- riders
clothes do not constitute much of a
factor, and the women nearly nlways
make their own, except those provided
by tho management.
"A dial ring," said the curio dealer.
"A French dial ring of the eighteenth
century. You can tell the time with
It."
The ring of gold was beautifully
chased, and where the stone sparkles
usually there was set a tiny sundial.
"All you have to do," said the dealer,
"Is to stand in the right way, holding
(lie dial so that the sun strikes it, and
a tiny shadow- will tell you the hour.
Such a ring," lie concluded, "is more
a curio than an accurate timepiece. It
is only good in the locality it is made
for, and even there unless it is set to
ward the right point of the compass, it
will be several hours out of the way."
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
It Depends.
Pr. Johnson was once consulted by
an old lady on the degree of wicked
ness to be attached to her son's rob
bing an orchard. "Madam," said
Johnson, "It all depends upon the
weight of the boy. I remember my
schoolfellow, Davy (Jarrick, who was
always a little fellow, robbing a dozen
orchards with impunity, but the very
first time I climbed up nn apple tree—
for I was always a heavy boy—the
bough broke with me, and it was
called a judgment."
Expressed Nautically.
A certain admiral upon coming on
board a ship was met by an old class
mate with the salutation, "Ilello, old
fellow, how are you?" Observing that
the admiral h»d carefully combed bis
back hair forward tip and over to cov
er the bald top o' hi; head he added,
"Well, that's the first time 1 ever saw
afterguard doing foretop duty!"-"On
a Man-of-war "
Two country clergymen had agreed
to exchange pulpits on a certain date.
One of them made tlie following sol
emn announcement to his congregation
on the Sabbath previous to the event:
"My dear brethren and sisters, I have
the pleasure of stating that on next
Sunday morning the Kev. Zachariah B.
Day will preach for you. Let us now
sing two verses of hymn No. 489, 'That
Awful Day Will Surely Come.' "
And It took him some time to discov
er why the congregation smiled.
The First Boat.
At first when a man wanted to cross
a deep stream he was compelled to
swim across. But man at best is a
poor swimmer, and it was not long be
fore he invented a better method of
traveling on water. A log drifting in a
stream furnished the hint. By resting
his body upon the log and plashing
with his hands and feet he found he
could move along faster and easier.
Thus the log was the first boat and the
human arm was the first oar.—S. B.
Forman in St. Nicholas.
Witty Women.
Women have more wit than humor.
They are more sensitive than men.
Their minds are nimbler. Their
thoughts flash Instantly to an Intuitive
conclusion; hence wit Is far more nat
ural to them. They have hardly tbe
Intellectual patience to create or enjoy
the less obvious and more deliberate
moods of humor.—Munsey's Magazine.
A Failure.
"So you don't believe in the mind
cure?" ,
"No."
"Did you ever try It?"
"Well, I once tried to convince my
wife that she didn't really want a new
gown."—Judge.
Looks That Way.
"I wonder if Mars really Is inhabit
ed."
"Don't know, but if Saturn Is, I'll bet
the politicians own It."
"Think so?"
"Certainly; can't you see the
—Philadelphia Fresa.
MIXED IN THE THUNDER.
A Scene In "Macbeth" That Was Not
on the Playbill.
It Is related of Cooke, the actor, that
when a youth, bing without the neces
sary cash to pay for a seat "In front,"
he got behind the scenes one night and
hid himself Inn barrel. lie had for
companions two large camion balls,
but the youth, not being Initiated Into
the mysteries of the place, did not
suspect that cannon balls helped to
make thunder hi a barrel as well as in
a twenty-four pounder.
The play was "Macbeth," and In the
first scene the thunder was required to
give due effect to the situation of the
crouching witches. It was not long ere
Ihe Jupiter Tonans of the theater, alias
the property men, approached and !
seized the barrel, and the horror of the
concealed boy may be imagined as the
man proceeded to cover the open end ;
with a piece of old carpet and tie It
carefully to prevent the thunder from
being split.
Cooke was profoundly and heroically
slleut. The machine was lifted by the
brawny stage servitor and carried care
fully to the side scene lest in rolling
the thunder should rumble before Its !
cue.
All was made ready, the witches
took their places amid flames of
resin, the thunder bell rang, the barrel
received its impetus with young Cooke
and the cannon balls, the stage strlck-1
en lad roaring lustily, to the amuse
ment of the thunderer, who neglected
to stop the rolling machine, which en
tered on the stage, and Cooke, burst
ing off the carpet head of the barrel,
uppeared before the audience, to the
horror of the weird sisters and to the
hilarity of the spectators.—London
Mail.
One Gleam of Sunshine.
His play is a rank failure.
It is a frost and a fizzle, and lia
| knows it.
The dramatist bows his head upon
his hands and refuses to be comforted,
j for it is his first flunk.
| One by one his friends try to say
i something that will console him, but
i to no avail.
Finally his trusting wife finds one
sunny gleam In the clouds.
"Anyway," she said, "you didn't have
! togo through the ordeal of making a
! speech before the curtain, and you
' know you always said you would be
i thankful beyond words If you could
j escape that."—Success Magazine.
Late Already.
Five minutes after the tardy gong
had struck the principal of the school
| was walking through the lower hall
when he saw a pudgy little fellow
scampering toward the first grade room
as fast as his fat legs could carry him.
; "See here, young man, I want to talk
to you," called the principal to the late
comer. "I hain't got time to talk to
you; I'm late already," replied the
breathless beginner as the door of hla
classroom closed.—Circle.
A Natural Fog Horn.
At the Farallones the erosive agents
have worked with queer caprice. This
rock, being granite, has been acted
upon by the sea at all levels and
throughout the long period when it
lias been rising out of the watery
depths. Through a long, narrow hole,
slanting and communicating with the
ocean, there comes at intervals a ter
rific stream of air, forced by the spas
modic heaving of the waves against
the lower orifice. The government,
which uses this island for lighthouse
purposes, inclosed flip upper end with
the nozzle of a l'og horn, and every
few seconds there was blown an car
splitting brawl which was heard far
out at sea and above the din of the
breaking rollers. It was allowed to
roar only in foggy weather, but it was
eccentric in that it would only sound
at high tide. When the tide was low,
although tlie weather might be very
thick, the thing was silent. For lack
of Its warning a ship went ashore
npon the island rocks, and then It
was that the government abandoned
its location of the wind hole and erect
ed a steam siren or mechanical fog
horn, which has since very faithfully
performed the necessary service.
A Story of Blaine.
James G. Hlaine made his first ap
pearance on the stump in the canvass
in Maine in 1850. He went to Far
mlngton to near Senator William Pitt
Fessenilen ,>oak and with no inten
tion to speak himself. Hut Mr. Fessen
den did not arrive on time, and some
of his Augusta friends put Blaine for
ward to take the platform. He likened
his situation to that of a fanner who
had a horse for which he asked sr>oo.
A horse trader offered him $75 for the
animal. "It's an awful drop," said the
farmer, "but I'll take it." The story
took and so did the speech that fol
lowed.
Modes'.y.
True modesty is a discerning grace
ant', only blushes In the proper place,
but counterfeit is blind and skulks
through fear, where 'tis a shame to be
1 ashamed t' appear; humility, the par
ent of the first, the last by vanity pro
duced and nurs't. —Cowper.
French Rags High Priced.
A collector of rags offered the man
ager of a large boarding house a cer
j tain price for a bag of wornout linen.
"These rags are worth more than
that," said the shrewd landlord. "1
run several houses in tills neighbor
hood, and all are occupied exclusively
by French guests."
The dealer apparently considered
that remark sufliciently explanatory,
ne cast a hasty glance upon the con
tents of the bag, then raised the price.
"And he could well afford to raise it.
too," said the landlord. "Even at that
; rate he wl!l make money off the things.
French rags the world over bring a
higher price than any other. The rea
son why? French people wear a bet
ter quality of linen and their castoff
garments are in demand by all manu
facturers of higli grade paper."—New
York Press.
A Fight Impossible,
i"I don't know whether my janitor Is
a plain idiot or just too smart for any
' thing," declared the flat dweller. "This
morning when I said to him, 'Did you
hear those people above me fighting
last night?" lie turned and looked hard
at me and said; 'You must be mis
taken. Those people above you! Why,
there are only two of them, and they
are husband and wife.' "—New York
Press.
A Surprised Sister.
"Miss Lucy," said young Mr. Pitt,
with some trepidation of manner,
"there is something I very much want
to teli you, and the present seems to
be a very good opportunity."
"Mr. Pitt," replied the young lady,
who was kind of heart and wished to
spare his feelings, "I know what you
are about to say, and I have been "ex
pecting it for some time, hut really It
cannot lie as you wish."
"Can't it? Why not?"
"Well, Mr. I'itt, I can only be a sis
ter to you."
"That's Just what I was about to
say. You will lie a sister to me because
your sister Mabel and I are engaged
to be married. Mabel asked me to
break the news to you."
Corked Eggs.
"An ostrich egg," said the sailor,
•costs ten cents in South Africa. It's
fqual to about two dozen chicken eggs
and lasts close onto a week.
"Out there you open your ostrich egg
by makiu' a small hole in the point
You shake out as much contents as
you need, and then you plug up the
openin' with a cork and stand the egg
away in a refrigerator till it's needed
again.
"Plugged carefully, an ostrich egg
will supply a week's breakfast ome
lettes without goin' bad."
The Silver Lining.
lie had been going to see her for a
long time, but never stated the object
of his visits, and she was desirous of
knowing something of the future, ne
met her one night at the house of a
mutual friend and seemed to be quite
sad. After several well developed
sighs he said, "Life is full, very full,
of bitterness. Isn't it?" "Oh, I don't
know!" she responded cheerily. "I
haven't much cause to complain."
"Possibly not now, Mary, but the bit
ter cup has been placed to your lips."
"Yes, Ilenr.v, my parents are dead."
"And is there no bitterness In that,
Mary? Is It not sad to be an orphan?"
"Of course it Is, Henry, but you see it
relieves you of the embarrassment of
asking father."—Buffalo Times.
The Cautious Fielding.
In the eighteenth century servants
were tipped every time one dined at
a friend's house. Apropos of this hab
it, a story is related of Fielding, who
often rated David Garrick, the actor,
about his penurious habits. On one
occasion Fielding, after dining with
Garrick, gave a penny wrapped In pa
per to the man servnnt as his dona
tion. When Garrick next saw Fielding
he remonstrated with him on his be
havior In playing off a Joke on his
servant "Indeed, no," answered
Fielding. "I meant to do the fellow a
real service, for had I given him half
a crown or a shilling you would have
taken it from him. By giving him a
penny he had a chance of keeping It
for his own."—London Bellman.
His Symptoms.
"Maybe that boy of yours will tie
famous some day," said the friend.
"I shouldn't be surprised." answer
ed Farmer Corntossel; "he does like to
wear curious clothes an' say tilings
that sounds more stirprisin' than sensi
ble."—Washington Star.
Her Discharge.
"Why did vi*i lea. " your last place?"
"Sure, I worr discharged for doia'
well, mum."
"Discharged for doing well? Why,
where were you?"
"I worr in the horspital, mum."—
Loudon Answers.
A Uood Medicine.
Laughter not only gains friends, but
it's a good medicine—keeps the eyes
bright the heart light and increases
t lie number of red corpuscles. Per
haps that is tlie reason oue sees so few
fashionable people laughing. They are
cultivating blue blood.
A man who was very 111 was visited
liy his doctor, one of those lugubrious
creatures, about as cheerful as a tomb
stone. lie assumed the proiierly de
jected air and inquired of the sick
man where his friends were in case
they need lie notified and asking if he
had any last request.
"Yes, ■ e," the patient answered fee
bly.
"What b- ;! 7"
"I wish I had another doctor." —St.
Louis Republic.
A Military Exquisite.
Marshal Ncy, who was as handsome
as he was brave, never appeared on
tlie field at a great battle until he was
dressed with scrupulous elegance and
his beard carefully curled and per
fumed. When he was led out to execu
tion he was cool and calm as though
he were going to open a dance, only
asking that the should tie aimed
low that his face Sight not be dis
figured after death.
A Perfect Husband.
"What is your idea of a perfect hus
band?" asked the sentimental girl.
"A perfect husband," answered Miss
Cayenne, "is one who will submit to
unj amount of reproof because he de
layed dinner to see an eleven iuning
baseball game to the finish and never
once allude to the similar delays occa
sioned by his wife's devotion to Illus
trated lectures or pianists."—Washing-
A. R.ollablo
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