BUSINESS OF THE SOAKER.
*a Expert lu PannbrukinK \Vlio lias
Ilia HrKulur Customers.
In the neighborhood where pawn
shops abound the soaker flourishes.
The soaker ac ts as middleman between
the pawnbroker and bis customers. lie
explains his mission ami accounts for
his usefulness thus:
"The people down here employ me."
said he, "uot because they are asham
ed to be seen going into a pawnshop
themselves, but because I can get more
for the ;;oods than they can. There's
an art iu pawning a coat or a ring, just
the same as in everything else.
"I've know u people togo into a
pawnshop with some old article to
pawn and to look the proprietor over
with a supercilious air, as if they con
sidered themselves so far above him
socially that lie couldn't touch them
with a 4t> foot pole. Naturally, for
sheer spite, the broker offers them only
about half as much as they would get
If they approached him properly. Hav
ing had a wide experience of my own,
I know how to avoid such difficulties.
I am not servile, but 1 am polite and
respectful, and as those two qualities
touch the most generous chord in the
broker's bosom I get all I want on the
proffered chattels.
"As recompense for my services I
charge my customers 10 per cent com
mission. I have regular customers,
and then, of course, I do many odd
jobs for occasional. There are fam
ilies down here for whom I pawn the
same things over and over again, one
week after the other. On pay day they
take their things out of soak. Three
lays later they put them in again, and
he next pay day they take them out
again. And so it goes, month after
month. I canvass the houses just like
a book agent or corn plaster peddler or
insurance solicitor.
"'Anything to be pawned today?' I
ask.
"And If there Is I take it around to
some shop and raise the necessary
dough and take it back and get my
commission. Once in awhile I come
across somebody who abuses me and
calls me a shark, but I'm nothing of
the sort. I'm earning a decent living
at a legitimate business."— *v— "* —*-
A Testamentary Puzzle.
An Englishman who recently died
lad three children, one son and two
laughters, and he mentioned all of
hem in his will.
The first clause is, "I leave my piano
o Mary Elizabeth, when Arthur has
lone with it" The other clause is,
'To Susan Jane—she may take what
ver Arthur wishes to give to her."
There is no doubt of Arthur's stand- ,
□gin the document, but the pointed
uestion is raised, Are Mary Elizabeth
nd Susan Jane beneficiaries under the
rill?
The Out Exception.
Towne— He's quite a linguist, I be
eve.
Browne—Yes, he can converse lu 14
liferent tongues.
Towne —So I understand; but there's !
ne tongue he has never succeeded iu
jastering.
Browne—What's that? Chinese?
Towne—No, his wife's.—Philadelphia
ress.
I
Specalatlon and Theft.
Some statistician, in emulation of j
.oinbroso perhaps, has been figuring
ut the habitual employment of con
icts. He concludes that more men
ud women whose employers are the
ational, state or municipal govern- j
ients fall into evil ways and come to j
ntoward ends than those who work i
>r private Individuals or corporations. I
very large proportion of the men and '
omen who have been handlers of pub- !
c moneys seem to yield to the con- i
ant temptation and begin to peculate, j
ad some cynic avers that peculation
the corollary of speculation. As a
atter of fact, most of the big and lit- j
e thieves who confess how they were
d to take money that did not belong
» them declare that speculations of
le sort or another brought them
. entually behind the bars.—New York
erald.
Aa litTfa Contest.
"They had a lively boxing match at
dlnter's the other night."
"How was that?"
"Splinter came home late, and as he
issed through the hall his wife's tall
t palm touched him on the, cheek,
dlnter was In au excited condition
id thought It was somebody's fingers.
> he struck out wildly with both fists
id succeeded in knocking over two
vims and severely bumping his own
•ad."
"But why do you call It a boxing
atch?"
"Because Splinter put up his knuc
es against his wife's palms."—Cleve
nd Plain Dealer.
Why Hti Lite Wa» a Failure.
'Yes, I consider my life a failure."
'Oh, Henry, how sad! Why should
u say tl at?"
I spent all my time making money j
/ugh to buy food and clothes, and
food disagrees with me. and uiy
/tbes don't fit."—l.ife.
112
Xtoaaell and IIIm Suii^m.
Vhe late Henry Hussell, the veteran
iglish composer of "Cheer, Boys,
;eer," and of more than S<X> other
ngs which were popular In their day, j
id many amusing experiences when
■ sang his ballads on various occa
ins.
Once, after rendering "Woodman,
>are That Tree," a gentleman rose in
e gallery and asked, "Was the tree
a red?" On being answered in the
Hrmatlve he, with a sigh of heartfelt
lief, exclaimed, "Thank God for
at!"
After singing the song of"The Dot
irlo," who jumped ofT an Atlantic I
ler and saved a child's life, Itussell
as gravely waited upon by a couple
Yorkshire miners, who begged him !
r a pup.
>ne of Russell's songs, of which the j
?rds were changed In accordance j
itli the altered conditions, is our na- j
>nal anthem, "Columbia, the Gem of
e Ocean."—Argonaut
Yoang Ladles, Please *ote.
The following is a sample of the wls
oi contained in the standard work on
inese feminine etiquette for 1.800
trs which baa just been translated by
j. S. L. Baldwin:
fitting, don't shake your kneea, a eoin
>n fault with men; standing, keep
iet your skirts; when pleased, laugh
1 12. aloud; when angry, still make no
ise.
Vll ffirls should learn woman's work,
•""ollow not your desires just to eat, eat.
>o not imitate stupid women who gad j
ut from house to house speaking idle j
.ds and scandal,
ise at cock crow.
)ress neatly, not showily.
>ee that the kitchen and cooking uten
; am clean.
Vhenever the husband speaks let the
.'e give careful attention,
112 the husband is angry, lot not tho
e be angry also, but meekly yield to j
Vash carefully and mend neatly bis
iking; prepare his daily food care- j
ly lest his body become* thin and his j
irt sorrowful. i
FAVORITE PRESCRIPTION
"I am so thankful for what Dr.
Pierce's Favorite Prescription has
done for me," writes Mrs. John T.
Smith, of Slocan, B. C., Box 50.
"It cured me of a disease which
was taking away all my strength,
helped me through the long months
before baby came and I have a big
strong baby girl, the most healthy
and happy of all my three."
nAKES THE DIFFERENT
ME.
Through many, many summers
I look, as through a glass.
And see a world of showers and flowen
And laughing children pass.
And in her big blue sunbonnet
One other little lass
A lass who watched the swallows
Skim just beyond her hand
And where the dickers fled and sped
And nests of hang birds fanned
And felt those birds were fairy folk
On wing to fairyland.
In her warm fist she carried,
Trudging o'er hills and dales,
In tiny papers laid and weighed
As if in fairy scales
The salt that catches bobolinks
When sprinkled on their tails.
A little lass and wistful.
Who gazed up the far sky.
And reached for fairy things and wings
In vain and wondered why;
Poor little lass, I wonder still.
Could she be really 1?
—Harriet Prescott Spofford in Collier's
The Mar y Flutter Home.
As*d author*, artists, teachers, and
other professional people are spending
their declining days in comfort and hap
piness under the care of Miss Mary
Fisher at Nos. 144, 140, 148, 150 and 132
St. Ann's avenue, in the Bronx. The
first inmate of this home for the cultured
poor was an old friend, a teacher out of
a position, whom Miss Fisher took into
her home.
Then Miss Fisher formed what was
called the Home Hotel company, gave
her own home to the cause and opened
it to any one in need. The proceeds of
the sale of her Brooklyn house she uses
in keeping up the present quarters ac
cording to her ideas of what a home
should be. Miss Fisher lives in it and
directs its management. Associated with
her is Miss Emma P. Traynier, cor
responding secretary of the association,
which has become incorporated.
The vice presidents are Mrs. Charlotte
J. Bell, Mrs. A. Inez Ludlow, Mrs. Theo
dora Harris. Mrs. Marie T. Lange, Mrs.
PlWre M. Thomson; recording secretary.
Miss J. Anna Sloat; auditor, Raymond
Cote. Th« late Mrs. William C. Whit
ney was a member of the board of man
agers. Mr. Whitney is accounted as one
of the most prominent benefactors, as are
also Seth Low and Mrs. 11. O. Have
meyer, who is a life member. The lato
Frederick Billings was a life member,
contributing SSO a year up to the time of
his death. Mrs. Anson Phelps Stokes,
Mrs. Frank Leslie, Mrs. Francis N.
Shimmin, Mr. A. G. Mills, Mrs. Win
throp, Mr. Benjamin Stern and others
are life members.—New York World.
A Sympathetic Memory.
In a western Massachusetts town
lives a young woman who Is blessed
with both discrimination and tact.
The first of these admirable <jnalities
she has displayed by her two mar
riages. Her first husband was a minis
ter, a most delightful man. He died,
and after a lapse of Ave or six years
she was united to his only brother, who
was a successful lawyer in New York.
On her library desk stands a picture
®f the first partner of her joys and sor
rows, and one day a curious caller ask
ed whom the photograph represented.
"That," said the hostess, with cvi
dent emotion, "is a picture of my hus
band's brother, who died eight years
ago and who was very dear to us
both."—Youth's Companion.
Generous.
"What's your fare?" asked old Flint
skin of his cabby the other day and
was met with the stereotyped reply:
"Well, sir. I will leave that to you."
"Thank you; you're very kind." said
old F., buttoning up his pockets and
walking < IT. "You're the first person
who ever left me anything yet." —Lon
don Fun.
Ilia flood Wife.
Gilbert—l believe in a man being the
master of the house, lie should have
thc» say in everything.
Mason —How about the naming of
that baby of yours?
Gilbert—My wife gave way to me In
a very proper and wifely manner. She
said she didn't care what name I gave
the little fellow so long as it was Hen
ry. So that's the name I g;tve him.
You know I felt, after the hearty man
ner iu which she deferred to ine, I
ought to yield a single point merely
out of appreciation of her humility.—
Boston Transcript.
Family Pride.
"I suppose you lake a great deal of
pride in your business."
"No," anwered Mr. Cumrox. "1 used
to take pride in my business, but ma
and the girls don't approve of it. The
only thing we take pride iu n< w is my
daughter's husband's pedigree."—Wa -h
Ington Siar.
A Sincere Apolotcy.
At n railway refreshment room in Pres
ton one of the passengers was in a hurry.
"Please pass me them pertaters, mis
ter," he said, addressing au elegant gen
tleman who sat next to him.
The latter slowly focused his gold
mounted eyeglass 011 the speaker.
"Hid you think I was one of the wait
ers?" he asked icily.
The others held their knives and forks
suspended in midair, expecting to see
the man shrivel up, but no such phenome
non took place. He turned and beckoned
to the nearest waiter.
"Waiter, come here, please."
"Yes, sir."
"I want to apologize to you, that is
all. You see, I mistook this party here
for you, but 1 hope you won't be offend
ed at it. Now pass me them pertaters,
and we'll goon with the dinner." —Lon-
don Answers.
| TROUBLE IN THE OFFICE.
It Won 112 anned by the Editor's Co
-11 onil rum.
"Why is a woman like au umbrella?"
asked the exchange editor.
"Because she's made of ribs and at
[ tached to a stick," replied the informa
tion editor. "Why is"—
"Wrong. Guess again."
"Because she always has to be shut
up when"—
"Naw! You fatigue me."
"Because she stands In the hnll
and"—
"Naw! It's nothing about standing
lu the hall."
"A woman is like au umbrella be
cause nobody ever gets the right one.
Why is"
"Itiug off! That isn't the answer ei
ther."
"It's a better one than you've got."
"Don't you reckon I know whether it
is or not? Whose conundrum is this—
yours or mine?"
"Well, she's like au umbrella be
cause— It isn't because she fades with
age, is it?"
"You ought to be ashamed of your
self."
"I am. Is it because you have to put
up when it's cloudy and threatening-
No; that can't be it. Because she's a
good thing to have lu the house. Why
is"—
"You're not within four counties of
It."
"Because you can't find any pocket
lu either. Why is"—
"No choice. Vote again."
"I won't. A woman isn't like an um
brella. There is uot the slightest re
semblance. You goon with your work
and let me alone."
"I knew you couldn't guess it. It's
because she's accustomed to reign."
Then the information editor rose in
his wrath, and they were only pre
vented from doing mischief to each
other by prompt and wholly unex
pected—work on the part of the labor
editor. —Chicago Tribune.
Prepared to
"Now, John," his wife said, gently
pressing him back when he tried to get
up, "you must stay in bed today. I've
telephoned for the doctor, and he's
coming right over."
"All right," he submissively replied
as she threw his trousers out of reach,
"you'll tind my will and the Insurance
policies and so forth In that little tin
box In the third drawer of uiy desk."—
Chicago Times-llerald.
I'recept and Example.
"When you tind yourself admitting a
slang word or phrase into your vocabu
lary, young ladies and gentlemen,"
earnestly exhorted the professor of
rhetoric, "cut it out."
Bless his old heart! He thought he
was merely using a striking and ex
pressive figure of speech. Chicago
Tribune.
Jnat I,ike n Policeman.
"What's the charge?" asked the
Judge.
"Impersonating an officer," answered
the prosecutor.
"What was he doing?"
"I saw him helping himself to fruit
and peanuts from a street vender's
stand." —Chicago Post.
IndinpeiiNithle I'nder Clrcuin«taneeii.
Minister (approaching baptismal fonti
—The candidate for baptism will now
be presented
Mother of Intended Candidate (in
perturbed whisper to husband)— There!
I knew we had forgotten something.
Archibald. Run home ijuiek and fetch
the baby.—Boston Courier.
An Affront to Cupid.
"Daughter, what makes you look so
serious?"
"Well, pa, what would you think of
a young man who took advantage of
Lent to drop from his customary $1
box of caramels to a 5 cent bag of pea
nuts?"— Detroit Free Press.
Classic.
He—Which do you prefer, Homer or
Virgil?
She—Virgil.
He—Why?
She —Didn't he begin the ".Enid"
with something about arms and the
man?— Syracuse Herald.
An Artful lirKKar.
Miss Believe—Beggars are all frauds.
I met a blind man yesterday who said,
"Please gimme a penny or two, lovely
lady."
Miss Behave—Yes. He said that to
make you think he was really blind.—
Chicago Chronicle.
Populur Song.
"Only a soldier in the 'ranks.' "—Chi
cago News.
Sot 1 npreeedented.
"Hero is n story about n man who
worked for 27 years without ever taking
a day off."
"H111! That's nothing. He was prob
ably the proprietor of the establishment."
—Chicago Times Herald.
A Traveler's Opinion.
Mrs. Quizzer (who wants to know ev
erything)— Now, what do you consider to
be the most curious thing you ever saw,
professor?
Professor Trotter—A woman, madatn.
—Harlem Life.
No Easy Job.
"Scuse me, boss," said Iloxey ni ns
he stopped Mr. Smithers, "I want to ask
you a question. If 1 was to offer you 50
bucks a day to do do work I'm doin now,
would you take de job?"
"What are you doing now?"
"Sleepln in box cars at night an mosey
in aroun in de cold hittin women fer
hand outs in de daytime. Would you
take de job at 50 cases?"
"No, indeed! Why do you ask?"
"Oh. some cheap plug back dere jist
ssked me why I don't work." —Indian-
apolis Sun.
It Saved His Leg.
P. A. Danforth. of LaGrange, Ga ,
suffered for six months with a frightful
running sure on his leg, but writes that
Buckleu's Arnica Salve wholly cured
it in live days. For Ulcers, Wounds,
Piles, it's the best salve in the world.
Cure guaranteed. Only 25c. Sold by
Paules & Co. druggist.
DO IT YOURSELF.
You can tell just as well as a physician
whether your kidneys are diseased or
healthy. The way todois totakea bot
tle or glass tumbler, and fill it with urine.
If there is a sediment —-a powderlike
substance at the bottom after standing
a day and a night, there is something
wrong with th»- kidneys. Another sure
sign of disease is a desire to urinate often,
and still another sign is pain in the back.
llf urine stains linen, there is no doubt
that the kidneys are atlected.
Any and all diseases of the kidneys,
liver, bladder and of the urinary passag
es and constipation of the bowels are cur
ed by Dr. David Kennedy's Favorite
! Remedy- There isnoqnestion about its
j being the best and surest medicine in
the world for such troubles, it quickly
relieves and cures inability to hold urine
j and people, young or old, who take it
'[ are not compelled to net up a number of
; times during the night. For putting an
; end to that scalding pain experienced in
passing urine, nothing is so good as Dr.
David Kennedy's Favorite Itemedy. Ii
' corrects the bad eliects of whiskev and
beer; is plewkant to the taste, and does
j not seam to be medicine at all. Diseas
! es of the kidneys and the bladder often
l require the use of instruments to push
back the sandy matter so the urine can
!be voided. In such cases Favorite Rem
! edy should be taken without further de
lay or the disease may prove fatal. 11 is
sold for one dollar a bottle at all drug
j stores. It is well worth many times its
| price.
I If you wish to test Dr. David Kenne
dy's Favorite Remedy before buying to
send your full post office address to the
Dr. David Kennedy Corporation, Rond
out, N. V., and mention this paper. We
will then mail you a sample bottle free,
as well as circulars giving full directions
tor its use. Every reader of the Mox
! TOI'K AMERICAN can depend upon the
genuineness of this liberal offer and all
i sufferers from kidney troubles should
! take advantage once of it at
JINGLES AND JESTS.
Mj«terle».
Th» wise man gazed out into space
And said in measured tones and slow:
"There are some thoughts we cannot tract}
There are gome things we may not know.
"We may not know what holds the lite
Within the blossom bearing seed
Nor why some people use the knife
When they have gathered round to feed.
"We may not know what sets the glow
In stars that gem the midnight sky
Nor what the merchant folk bestow
In half the things to eat we buy.
"We know not how fate will befall
And bear us low or to the top
Nor (deepest mystery of all)
Just where the car Is going to stop."
—Washington Star.
Bon to Gather.
Laying gathers is a time honored opera
tion, as irritating and nerve wearing as
It is necessary. Since learning to accom
j pllsh the same result in a far easier way,
j the present writer has taught the knack
I to several friends, and all, without exeep
i tion, are enthusiastic. Use a long, strong
' needle; that is, a coarser one than you
. would ordinarily use for the work in
hand. Gather the needle full, keeping
the thimble finger at the eye of tho
needle, so that no stitches escape onto
the thread. When you can force on no
more cloth, still holding the thimble in
place, with the thumb and iirst finger
hold the gathers firmly onto the needle
at the point end. With the left thumb
| and first and second fingers pull the gath
ers, two or three at a time, straight down
i from the needle with a swinging motion,
i sliding the lingers under the material and
I pulling down with the thumb, beginning
nt the left and working toward the right.
When the work is slipped onto the
thread. It will be as flat as if each gather
had been painfully "scratched" into
j place. The two processes are practically
I accomplished in one, and after a few
j trials and with a little patience you will
' never go back to the "good old way."—
Good Housekeeping.
He Certainly Wa* a Fiend.
The stage was rolling ulong the can
yon trail when suddenly tho horses
reared back on their haunches as a
lone highwayman with a Winchester
appeared on the scene.
"Step out of the hearse, gentlemen,
and hands up!" he ordered.
One by one they climbed out, with
elevated bands.
The highwayman relieved the party
and several times was forced to remind
one nervous little man to keep his hand
from his pocket.
"What's the matter with you?" he
finally roared. "You make another
move like that, and I'll pump the slugs
In you!"
"Please let me," pleaded the little
man as his hand again slid toward his
pocket.
"Please let you!" roared the despera
do. "Please let you perforate me?
You're Imposing on my generosity, son
ny. Look out! Look out! Keep your
mlt away from that pocket, or by the
Eternal"—
"But It won't hurt you!" protested
the little man."lt won't hurt you at
all! Stand just as you are now and
keep your rifle leveled. There! That's
Itl"
And while the highwayman was re
covering from his astonishment the lit
tle man had flashed his kodak and
snapped the button.—lndianapolis Sun.
Once Oon, Now Britain**.
Do you know, says n writer In tho
New York Herald, that the British
have one of our warships tied up at a
dock In London flying the British flag
and regularly commissioned In the
British navy? What Is more, she is
called the President, and on her bow Is
the figurehead of John Adams carved
out of a huge chunk of American wood
and handsomely glided. Por a quarter
of a century she has been lying at her
present berth near the East India
docks, most of the time stuck in the
mud. There Is some doubt whether
she would float, and It Is probably true
that she would goto pieces if sent as
far out to sea as the mouth of the
Thames. She was captured by the
British in the war of 1K11!.
The lines of the President are still
beautiful. She must have been a very
handsome ship under sail. Although
one of the largest ships in the world at
the time of her launch, she would be a
mere pygmy beside one of the great
warships of the present day. Yet she
Is more picturesque even In her present
dismantled condition than the Brook
lyn, Oregon or Kearsarge.
The President is now used as a drill
ship for the Itoyal Naval reserves, hav
ing been fitted up for this purpose in
IStil at Chatham. Until 187(5 she lay
at the City canal, river Thames, and
was then moved to her present berth.
ItlcHinriiiK Your Man.
Put this In your pipe and smoke It:
| There Is always Bome chap smarter
than the chap you think Is the smartest
on earth—meaning yourself. You are
a wonderful Judge of human nature,
but don't measure your man too confi
dently, for 'J'J times In 100 you'll find
j the suit doesn't lit Never play favor
| ltes. The lightweight today, In your
; measurement, will be the heavyweight
I tomorrow. Old friends, like old wine,
j will In the end prove best. Never go
back on an old friend unless you liavo
plenty of money well Invested. Pos
sessed of a big bank account and
flushed with success—the mischief take
friends, old and new!— New '2ork
j Press.
CHILhUE.YS COLI'IIN.
Karninj£ HIM Living.
Hattie Plough, who is only 9 years of
age, sent the accompanying picture and
a little letter to the Brooklyn Eagle. In
her letter she said:
"These are my two cousins and their
pet dog. They are fixing him to the lawn
r ,
| j||p
-: -' -
THE STOP FOR OIL.
mower so he can mow the lawn. He is a
very nice dog. He does not bite at all.
When Igo up th-■ i• . 1 play with him. lb
is very fond of children."
Fntlier anil Son.
Some soldiers came into a village dur
ing a time of war and asked for a guide.
A poor day laborer was ready togo with
them. It was very cold and snowed and
blew in a fearful manner. He begged
the villagers to lend him a cloak, but
they paid no attention to him. Only
one old man, a foreigner, who had been
driven out of his own country by the
war and supported himself in the vil
lage as a smith's journeyman, had com
passion on the day laborer and gave him
his own old cloak.
The soldiers marched on, and 10, late
in the evening there came riding into
the village a young and handsome officer
in a splendid uniform, with a cross of
honor on his breast. He asked for the
old man who had lent his coat to the
guide. The kind hearted old man as
soon as he saw the officer cried out, "It
is my own son Rudolph!" and he fold
ed him to his arms.
Now, Budolph had been enlisted as a
soldier many years before and had been
promoted to be an officer on account of
his good conduct and his valor. He had
heard nothing more of his father, wiio
was formerly a master smith in a market
town. But the son knew the old cloak
and felt sure by the account of the guide
that his father was at this time living in
that village.
Father and son wept for joy, and all
the people who stood near wept with
them. Budolph remained with bis fathci
all the night. He gave him before he
rode away a supply of money and prom
ised to take further care of him.
But the people said, "As the old man
had compassion on others so God lias had
compassion on him and has let his son
fiud him again, who has delivered him
from all his necessity."—From the Ger
man of C. von Sehmid.
He Meant Business.
A Davenport boy went to New York,
says Success to solicit a position to
travel for a wholesale house. He went
five times to one establishment and every
time was told that they did not want to
engage him. Ho tried to prevail on
them to allow him to make a trial trip,
but to no avail. Finally he proposed to
buy a small stock of goods. This was
business, and they were ready to sell.
He then went on the road on his own
account and made money, so that when
the firm saw he meant business they
were ready to employ him, and he is now
wealthy, being a member of the firm.
Not a boy iii a hundred would have had
his persistence after refusal. There
is nothing like courage or faith as an aid
to success. Another member of that
firm had only 14 cents when he reached
New York to seek his fortune.
Can Yon Explain It 112
A curious optical illusion is to be seen
in the accompanying ligure from La Na
ture. At the places where the white
strips v pa:; ' ■ : the black squares cross
6KK TOE SPOTS!
each other a hazy penumbra may be
seen. If, however, attention is concen
trated upon one of the spots it disap
pears, though the others remain visible.
to S«*e Her Minister.
A little girl, the daughter of a clergy
man, was ailing and had been put to bed
early.
''Mamma," said she, "I want to see my
papa."
"No, dear," said her mother; "papa is
not to be disturbed just now."
Presently came the pleading voice, "1
want to see my papa."
"No," was the answer; "I cannot dis
turb him."
Then the little parishioner rose to a
question of privilege.
"Mamma," said she, "I am a sick worn
an, and I want to see my minister!" —Ex-
change.
Tl«e Driver.
The driver whistled as lie awoke.
And lie drove the dn-t like a cloud of uriok*.
lie drove tlie clouds like a Hock of sheep;
lie drove the leaves in a hurrying heap;
lie whipped the hats from the passorsby
And tossed them lip till tliey seemed to Sy;
lie drove the rain into level lines
And roared in the tops of the tallest piefs.
He never paused in his greeting rough.
For it seemed he could not go fast enough.
Hut where h- was going none could say,
And all you would hear if you went that way
Was, "Oh, what a dreadfully windy day!"
—Youth's < rnpanion.
Cat* I.ive In the Cliurelien.
In Naples there exists a race of cats
which live in the churches. They are
kept and fed by the authorities on pur
pose to catch the mice which infest all
old buildings there. The animals may
often be seen walking about anions the
congregation or sitting grave ly before the
altar during time of mass.
An Exception.
Bridget—Maggie, did ye git a eharac
ther from the lasht place ye wurrukedV
Maggie—No, Bridget, but (pointing to
array of merchandise she had just re
moved from her trunk) 1 guess I got
moighty noigb iverything ilse. —Boston
Courier.
Table* Turned.
"The first time 1 tried to smoke a cig
arette it made me awfully sick."
"You are getting even now."
"I don't see how."
"Why, now they make everybody else
Bick when you smoko them."—King.
1 .
Too Soon.
"What are the names of that newly
married couple nest door?"
"Oh, we can't lind out for a few
weeks. They call each othei 'Birdie.' "
—Mirth.
Old Soldier's Experience.
M. M. Austin, a civil war veteran, of
Winchester. Iml . writes My wife was
sick a long time in spite of good doc
tor's treatment, but was wholly cured
by l>r King's New Life Pills, which
worked wonders for her health. They
always do. Try them. Only 25c at
Panics tV: L'o'a drug store.
"UNDER THE SUN."
The men who have gone before u»
Have suriß the soijas we sing.
j The words of our clamorous chorus,
Thej' were heard of the ancient king.
The chords of the lyre that thrill us,
They were struck in the years pone by.
And the arrows of death that kill us
Are found where our fatlit i 3 lie.
The vanity suns of tin preacher
J* vanity still today;
The m< in of lite strirken ireature
Has runj* in the woods alwav.
But the Foncs are worth resitißinc,
itli the i liance of no fin:de note.
Arid the s|n>ken w nls ;ire ringing
As th'-y rang in the \ears remote.
There is no new road to follow, love,
I X..r need tin re . ver he,
j For the "Id, with its hill and hollow, lore.
Is enough for you and inc.
—Charles 11. Itaeon in Century.
French Rakers.
j P.akors in Franco are subject to ro
j strietions and regulations undreamed
I of in England. In tlie fortified towns
aloug the frontier they are bound by
; law to have a certain stock of (lour al
: way- tin liaml in ease of emergencies.
The bakery not only lias to be kept
clean, but the baker has to deposit
with the local authorities a certain
sum of money as a surety for the prop
er conduct of his business.
The law also looks after his weights
and measures, which circumstance
| places him in the same position as the
| British baker, but in addition the law
j regulates the price at which bread can
be sold.
Napoleon 111 ordered oil one occasion
that a loaf about equal to our quartern
should be sold for not more than six
pence, and this at a time when we
were paying eight pence and niuepence.
—London Tit-Bits.
Qncrn Victoria nml Her Artlstn
When her children were in their short
froek anil knickerbocker days, the queen
made them write a little daily diary of
their doings, which she passed upon
nightly in the royal nursery. Often the
youngsters were hard up for "copy" and
used to appeal for help to members
of the household. They repaid their
helpers by giving them sketches made by
themselves, which differed in no way
from the dogs and horses and houses of
the ordinary child. One of the house
hold, now dead, preserved some 40 or 50
of these alleged drawings, and not long
since an enterprising magazine made his
widow a handsome offer for them. The
queen heard of this and sent for Lady 11.
"l'lease do not dispose of them," her
majesty said. "I cannot bear to think of
things that have so many tender and
sacred associations passing into hands
other than ours."
It need hardly bo added that the
queen's wishes were honored, and Lady
11. furthermore gave the album whicb
contained the nursery relics to the mother
of the little artists.—Success.
Lnte Apolngieii.
Lady—Do you remember, professor,
that 2«> years ago when we took danc
ing lessons together you stepped on
my toe, almost causing me to faint?
Professor—Oh, yes. 1 beg a thousand
pardons.—Meggemlorfer Blatter.
A iluiie<enH Case.
"After years of effort I have suc
ceeded iu learning how to pronounce
'Goethe.'"
"Well, are you satisfied now?"
"No; every time I say it somebody
corrects me."—Chicago Record.
I nele Allen.
"The seven ages of man," Uncle Al
len Sparks was saying, "as I have ob
served the creature, are these: 1. Crib
bage. 2. Nonage. 3. Suffrage. 4. Mar
riage. 5. Bondage. 6. Breakage. 7.
Dotage."—Chicago Tribune.
Hon Styles Come In.
"Why isn't it proper to wear a watch
chain with a dress suit?"
"Frequently a man has to pawn his
watch and chain to rent the suit." —Chi-
cago Record.
Safety.
"I wonder why that shoplifter always
wears a rainy day dress?"
"To prevent any one from getting on
her trail."—Chicago News.
From nn Author's Notebook.
The following is an extract from the
diary of an impecunious author: "Rose
at 5 and had a sonnet and a glass of
cold water for breakfast. I retired ear
ly in the evening without supper, as 1
feared the neighbors would be annoyed
by t rait I >4 of tLe knives and
fork Atlanta Constitution.
Nasal
CATARRH
In all its stages there
HhotilJ be cleanliness. ftVt »
Ely's Cream Balm
cleanses, soothes and heals
diseased membrane. 1 5
It< ires catarrh and drives M
away a cold in the bead
quickly.
Cream Balm is placed Into the nostrils, spreads
over the membrane and is absorbed, lielief is im
mediate and a cure follows. It is not drying—does
not produce sneezing. Large Size, 50 cents at Drug
gist* or by mail; Trial Size, 10 cents by mad.
ELY BROTHERS, sti Warren Street, New York.
Red I Suppressed
Menstruation
UrOSS PAINFUL
■j" M Menstruation
I anSV And a PREVENTIVE tor
■ «« J FEMALE 111 — 1
mu ■ ■ | IRREGULARITIES
B 8 I Q Are Safe and Reliable.
B 111 J"^T^Perfectlj^Harinlcss
The Ladies'
?RICESI.OO
Sent postpaid on receipt of
price. Money refunded if not as
wy - Yin de Cinchona Co.
Des Moines, lowa.
For Sale by Rossman & Son.
'I tie riAI>HJIL,SI AINU BEST WAY TO
NDLE A PAN IS BY THK
Handiest on? Best Route between
W the PAN-AMERICAN EXPOSITION
on? NEW YORK is the [[■■■■■ l
For Information, Rates, etc., address
429 BROADWAY, N Y. 209 MAIN ST., BUFFALO. 103 A O A M S ST., C H I C AGO.
CIGMTH t OLIVE 6TS., ST. LOUIS. 28 t XCH A N G E PLACE, N . Y. fTj [| | H I I H
T. E. CLARKE. T W. LEE. B. O. CALDWELL. HJllllßllii
1 Gen'l Superintendent. Qen'l Pastenger Ag't. Trattig Manager.
' D.L.&W. RAILROAD,
TIME TABLE.
Corrected to May i, 1901.
New York.
AM* AM* I'M*
Barclay .St I.V. 2UI iO 00 1 (X)
1 liiisloplier St.. " 10 00 lot!
lint. okcn J ."(I 10 l& J 20
Serallton Ar ti 32 152 543
-M AM I'M- I>l|*
liuft'alo I.vt J1 30 245
Scrautoii Ar 545 10 Ul
AM+ AM* PM: |>M*
SoaAKTOM •> 45 10 05 166 I 660
ISellevue... 0 50
Taytorvilie ti 55 Jo 15 2us 559
I.'ti'kawanna 7 111 111 23 210 , 1; in;
i Duryea 7 0:1 10 2ti 2 1.1 ,j in
I'ittston 707 10 SI 217 ! i:j
Susquehanna Ave... 710 10 33 2 111 « |,;
West Pitmen 713 10 35 223 au,
Wyoming 717 10 40 :i 27 t; 21
! Forty Fort
Bennett 724 10 40 234 0 iiO
Kingston ar. 7 .HI 1U 64 240 1;
i Wilßes-Barre Ar 740 11 10 250 t; 48
W1 Ikes-liar re .Eve 720 10 30 230 t; 20
Kingston Iv 730 10 54 240 ! u35
Plymouth June... . •••• !
Plymouth 738 11 03 2 4;, 4^
A vondale.. 7 42 254
Nanticoke 7 4-j 11 11 258 »; r,i
II unlock'! 751 II 17 3 Oti I 057
Shickshlnny *Ol II 29 320 ' 7 w
Hick's Ferry *'2 ''l 43 330 f7 21
Beach I'aven 818 11 48 337 -
Berwick *23 "54 344 7 :( ;j
Briar Creek J8 2® 112 3 50 ;
Willow Grove •'* f3 54
Dime Uidge „;7 fi2 oil 868
Espy J®' 12 15 4 Oti 756
Bloomsburg ■ K " 12 22 412 7 f.7
Kupert 27 417 801
Catawlssa " ,H 12 .'l2 421 w ,15
Danville 12 47 435 s2O
Chulasky •••: 4 42
Ctmeron 921 12 57 44n
Nokthumbekland .V. 110 600 "K jf,
Ar. AM PM PM I'M
GOING BAST.
Nkw YOHK PM* PMf
Barclay St. Ar 335 600
Christopher St... 330 466 ,
Hobokon \ 315 i4#
•Scrunton .! 10 05 12 55!
AM* I'M* AM* AM*
Buffalo A 1800 j 12 45 j 7(0
Scranloii I.\ 155 j 548 11 35
AM* PMf IPM + PM*
Scranton 942 12 36 , 460 845
Bellevue 9 :57 1 4 46
Taylorville j 9 i>2 440 ! 835
Eackawanna it 2ti 432 i 827
Huryea 9 23 4 29 8 26
Plttfl ton it l'.» 12 17 424 821
Susquehanna Ave. it 10 12 14 420 818
West Pittston it IS | 417 I BHi
Wyoming ! 909 12 08 412 I 812
Forty Fort I 9 04 ; 4 417
Bennett sil 4 03 8 04
Kingston, I *6B 11 59 400 802
Wilkes-Burro. . Lv HSO 11 6V • 360 ! 760
Wilkes- Barn- Ar 90# 12 10 410 B|o
Kingston I 868 11 69 j 400 1 SOS
Plymouth Junction 1 s sl > 362 i
Plymouth 847 11 51 347 753
Avomtale 1 842 342
Nanticoke ! 838 it 43 j 338 i 740
Hunlock s | 832 331 H4l
Shickshlnny *22 u29 320 731
Hick's Ferry ! *l2 3 oil f7 21
Beaeh Haven j 502 3j3 : 712
Berwick ; 765 nos 12 58 705
Briar Creek ! ,J 49 j f;j 53 f t j 5^
Willow Grove I 7 44 1 f2 50
Eirne Ridge j I 3" 240 fB 50
Espy | 732 jo 48 j 240 ti 44
Bloomshurg 124 10 48 ; 234 038
Hubert 117 jo 37 229 , ti 82
Uatawlssa 'l2 1034 224 ti 27
Danville j " 08 10 19 211 ti 12
Chulasky • ■ i
Cameron 112 ' f2 ul fo 03
NoktuUMBKaL'D... *',V° iJn'A; i + l .60 *5 60
Ev ; AM M |PM PM
Connections at Kupert with Philadelphia
Keailing Kallroad for Tamanend, Tamaqua,
Williamsport, Sunbury, Pottsville, etc. At
Northumberland with P and E. Div. P. K. K. for
llarrisburg. Lock Haven, Emporium, Warren
Corry, and Erie.
* Daily. + Daily except Sunday. fStop 011
signal.
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD,
TIME TABLE
111 Effect h ■ 18thj 190
A M A M! P.VI.P. M
Seranton(DAtH)lv \6 45 g» 38 218 27;
I'ittston " " 708 fiooo §242 4 52j ]
A.M. A.M. P.M. P.M
Wilkesbarre,.. lv §7 3o ijio 35 308j8 00
Plym'th Ferry " I 7 37 110 42 112 8 16 fe 07
Nanticoke " 748 10 50 326 817 ""]..
Mocanaqua .... " 804 11 07 248 637
Wapwallopen.. " 8 13 11 lti 3 s<i 647
Nescopeck ar 824 11 211 407 700
A.M. P.M. P.M.
Pottsville lv § 5 50 fl2 01 \
Hazleton " 705 200 550
Tomhicken " 722 218 ti 10
Fern Glen " 729 1 227 ti 18
Kock Olen "I 7 35 1 2 34 ti 25 "
Nescopeck arj 800 j 3 00, ti 50
Catawissa... .ar
|a7m a.m p.m. p m
Nescopeck lv § 8 24 §ll 4 07 ;T 00
Creasy " 833 11 :t,i! 4 lti 7oy
Espy "Ferry.... " 1 8 43 11 40 112 4 24 7 20
E. liloomsburg, " 847 11 50 4 29! 725 j
Catawissa ar 856 1157 4 35j 752
Uatawlssa lv j 855 11 57 4 35; 7 32,
South Danville " «14 12 15 4 53j 7 51!
Sunbury " 935 12 40 515 815
\A, M. P.M.'P. M RM.
Sunbury lv || » 42 $ 1 lo § 5 45 «8 40
Eewisburg.... ar 10 13 145 Bis
Milton " 10 08 139 814 901
Williamsport.. " 11 0o 230 7 ltlj 960
Lock Haven... " 11 69 340 807
Renovo "A.M. 440 900
Kane " 8 251
P.M. P.M.
Dock Haven. . lv,gia 10,8 8 45 ! ....
Bellefonte ....tir 10511 4 44 ;
Tyrone "I 2 15 II ti 00
I'liilipsbnrg " 4412 8 20 !
t leartleld.... " 637S 9 09
Pittsburg.... " 056 111 I
A.M. P. M. P. M. P M
Sunbury lv 960§1 55 J 5 25||8 31
llarrisburg ar! -II 311 §315 , ti 65, 50 10
P. M. P. M. P. M. A M|
Philadelphia., ar (i 3 I7!|| 8 23 ||lo 20| 4 25
Baltimore "1$ 311 ; 8 nO 9 4-i 2 30!
Washington... "j§ 4 10-1, 7 16 |lO 65j 4
lA.M.jP, M.j i
Sunbury lv §lO t*i § 2 tKt; I
Lewlstown Jc. ar 11 10 350 1
Pittsburg " t>ss|§ll3o| j |
A.M. P, M. P. MP M
Harrisburg.... Iv 'll 46 II 3 46 || 7 20 jlo2,
P.M. A.M.AM
Pittsburg ar ( 0 55||| 1130 || 1 50! 5 30
'P.M. pma M AM!
Pittsburg lv 1 ) 7 lit ;! 8 3o!| 300 18 00
(a.M am p m
llarrisburg.... ar J 155 3 4"j., 9 30:j 3 loj
| AM! AM!
PittsbUlg lv ;
L.ewistown Jj. "1 7 30 15 3 !0;
Sunbury ar' > tt 2oj Is 5 00
P. M. A M A Mj A M
Washington... Iv 10 40| 11l 7.5" ilOStl! ....
Baltimore •• ||U 41 4 50i 840 114.,
Philadelphia... " |ll 20|j 425 S :«lj 12 26
A. M. A M A. M.j P Ml
llarrisburg.... lv 335 755 ill -40 j 4 00;
Sunbury ar j605 i 9 3t> 1 10,! 640
'p.m. ia ma m
Pittsburg 1\ ;12 45 3 00 s 8 (Ni
t'leartielil.... " 4 09, i. 928
PUilipsburg.. " 4 sti i 10 12i
Tyrone....:. " 7 15' a 8 10 12 30! "•
Bellefonte.. " 8 311 1 932 1 42 1 ;
Look llaven ar 9 ;fu 10:50 243
IP. M. A M V M P M
Kane, .V.V.'.V.VB 40| ti 00 j ;" 11
Kenovo " 12 10 . ti 44 10 30 ;
Haven " 125, 7 35; 11 25 3 I*'
A.M. P M
WilliauiMport .. ", 210 8 30.12 411 4 IKI
Milton •' 222 , 919 127 4 .2|
Eewisburg " 1 905 1 lfe 447 '
San bury ar, 310 »40 1 651 6 2o|""''_
A.M. AMI' MP Ml
Sunbury lv ?7 42 9 ">5 ;200 ; 5 4s,
Seutl, Danville" 713 10 17 221 8 »1" *I * I
; t'alawlssa " 733 10 36. 2 'U, 8 27|""
J E Bloomsburg. . " 739 10 43 243 6 32j
! Espy Perry " 74 i l'lo 47 t6 36 "
I Creasy 44 7 5.3 10 66, 2 -"v, '»
Nescopeck " BU3 1105, 305 6 !•!■ ""
1 A M A M P. M. P M |
Cntawissa 1\ 7 38
.Nescopeck Iv ;ll 37> S I 10 s 7 0",
Kock (lien ar 820 12 01 [ 4 3t> 7 311
Fern (lien " 8:5:; 12 071 442 7
Tomhicken " 812 12 15 151 74,
Ha/.leton " 902 12 35 5 12, 806 ""
Pottsviiie •• 10 ttr> 220, ti 30 90.' ::::
AM AMP M P M 1"
Nescopeck. lv .8 P3 11 06 -3 Oi 855
Wapwallopen. .ar 818 II 20 31 •• 70y
Mocanauua...." 828 1132 329 721
Nanticoke " 84s 11 64 348 742
P MI
Plv 111' th Ferry 18 57 12 02 35, f7 52
Wllksbarte ... " 906 12 lo 4 or,, sOO
AM P M P HP M
PittSton( DA H) ar 929 12 49 4Mi 838
Scranton " 11 10 08 1 18 52429 05
\ Weekdays. I Daily. 112 Flag station.
Additional Train leaves Hazleton 5.15 p 111.,
Tumliii'ken s.:(■> |,. in., Fern tilen 5.43 p. 111.,
ltoek Glen 5.50 p.m., arriving at Uatawlssa
0.25 p. in.
Pullman Parlor and Sleeping Cars run on
through trains between Sunbury. Williamsport
and Erie, between Sunbury „nd Philadelphia
and Washington and between Harrisburg, Pitts
burg and the West.
For lurtlier information apply to Ticket Agents
/./>'. IIUTCIIINSON, J. It. WOOD,
Utn'l Manager. Gen'l I'ass'nW A<j.
Shoes, Shoes
St-jrlisih.!
Oiiea,p !
IFSelisi'ble I
Bicycle, Cymnasium and
Tennis Shoes.
THE CELEBRATED
Carlisle Shoes
AND THE
Snag Proof
Rubber Boots
A SPECIALTY.
A. SCHtVTZ,
HIS NEW!
A Reliable
TIN SHOP
Tor all kind of Tin Roofing,
Spoutlne and Ceneral
Job Work.
Stoves, Heaters, Ranges,
Furnaces, eto.
PRICES THE LOWEST!
QIiLITY TDE BEST!
JOHN HIXSON
NO. 116 E. FRONT ST.
JOHN W. FAENSWOETH
INSURANCE
Li Fire Accident and Steam Boiler
Office: Montgomery Budding, Mill Street,
Danville, - - Penn'a
PHILADELPHIA &
READING RAILWAY
IN EFFECT MARCH 30, IWOI
TKAINS LEAVE DANVILLE
(weekdays only)
For Philadelphia 11.45 a m.
For New York 11.25 a m.
For Uatawissa 11.25 a. m„ 6.04 p. m.
For Milton 7.32 a, in., 4.00 p m.
For Wllliamsport 7.32 a. in., 4.00 p m.
Trains for Baltimore, Washington and tb«
South leave Twenty-fourth and Chestnut
streets, Philadelphia, weekdays—3.2B, T. 14
10.23 a. m., 12.16, 1.33, 3.03, 4.12, 5.03, 7.26, 8.36 p.
in., 12.21 night. Sundays 3.23, 7.14 a. m., 12.18
1.33, 4.12, 6.03. 7.26, 8.26 p. m.
ATLANTIC CITY RAILROAD.
Leave Philadelphia, Chestnut Street Whaif
and South Street Wharf.
W EEKD.vvs— Express 6.00,9.00 a. m., (Satur
days onlv 1.00) 2.00 4.00,5.00, 7.15 p. in. Aj
coimnodation 8.00 a. in., 5.80 p. m. Sunday
Express, 6.00. 9.00, 10.00 a. m., 7.15 p. in. Ac
commodation 8.00 a. Ml., 5.00 p. ill.
Leave ATLANTIC CITY DEPOT-Week
days—Ex press 7.30, 9.00, 10.15 a. 111., 2.50, 5.30,
6.00 p. m. Ai'fom modal ion_B.os a. m.,4.05 p
in. Sundays Express 10.15 a. in., 4.30, 5.80,
8.00 p. in. Accommodation— 7.ls a. m., 1.05
p. in.
Parlor cars on all express trains.
LEAVE PHILADELPHIA.
MAY and OCEAN CITY -Week
-9.15a. in., 4.15 p.m. Sundays—B.l6a.m.
•
ISLE CITY —Weekdays—9.ls a. m.
YORK ANl' ATLANTIC CITY
EXPKESS.
VOHK (Liberty Street) 3.40 P. M
ANTIC CITY, 8.80 A. M.
time tallies at ticket offices.
BESLEIi, KDSON J WEK.KH
General Agent.
m «■ = ——^
New
Coal Yard!
R. J. Pcgg, Coal
Dealer, has re
moved to his new
COAL YARD.
Oil ICM: —No. 344 Ferry
Street (near 1). L- & W. H.
R. Crossing )
\ ARi) —In rear ofOttice.
Robert J, Pegg,
COAL DEALER.
Telephone No 158