CT rtVJEiV SICKLBR, Proprietor
NEW SERIES,
A week
paper, devoted to Poll ~
News, the Arts /ft y/Bj f- i'
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isked every Wednes- !_
pay, at Tunkhannock T n
Wyoming County,Pa v/l / V j kjdf jj |lI
BY HARVEY SICKLER*
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he times.
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giusiiifss ftotirs.
R" IR.AW ELITTLE, ATTORNEYS AT
LAW Office on Tioga street, tckPa
H S.COOPER, PHYSICIAN A SIIGEuN
• Newton Centre. Luieme County Pa.
GEO S.TUTTON, ATTORNEY AT LAW
_ r Tunkhonnock, Pa. Office - n Stark's Brick
ock, Ttoga street.
WM. M. PIATT, ATTORNEY AT LAW, 0
fice in Stark's Brick Block Tioga St., Tun*
hannock, Pa.
Cjif Bufhlrr |]ousf,
HARRISHURDF PENNA.
The undersigned having lately purchased the
" BUEHI.ER HOUSE " preperty, has already com
menced sueh alterations and ijpproveraeute as will
render this old and popular House equal, if not supe
rior, to any Hotel in the City of llarrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
fnllv solicited.
J GEO. J. BOLTON
WALL'S HOTEL,
LATE AMERICAN HOUSE,
TUNKHANNOCK, WYOMING CO., PV
THIS establishment has recently been refitted an
furnished in tbe latest style Every attention
will We given to the comfort and convenience of those
who patrooiie the House.
T. B. WALL, Owner and Proprietor ;
Tunkhannock, September 11, 1361.
MORTH BRANCH HOTEL,
MESHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA
WM. H. CORTRIGHT, Prwp'r
HAVING resumed the proprietorship of the above
Hotel, the undersigned will spare no effort to
render the house an agreeable place ot sojourn for
all who may favor it with their custom
Wiu.li CORTRIGHT.
fuae, 3rd, 1963
jDotfl.
TOWjA-NDA, rA.
D. B- BART LET,
JL ate oft. p BRAIXARD Hovst, ELBIBA, N*
PROP 111 ETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, is one of the LARGEST
and BEST ARRANGED Houses in the country—lt
is fitted up in tbe most modern and improved style,
and no pains are spared to make it a pleasant and
agreeable stopping-place for ali,
v 3, 21, ly.
CLARKE,KEENEY.i CO.,
WAHRRACTORKTM AXD WHOLESALE DEALERS IX
LADIES', MISSES' & GENTS'
§ ilk aif& Sassintm !Ms
AXD JOBBERS IX
HATS, CAPSJ STRAW GOODS,
PARASOLS AND UMBRELLAS.
BUFFALO AND FANCY ROBEB,
849 BROADWAY,
CORNER OF LEOXARIL STREET,
mm wsat*.
* T. CLARK,
a. e XEKXET, 5
B. LEKEXKY- 3
M. OILMAN,
DENTIST.
A T OILMAN, has permanently located in Tunk
1 ♦ L, hannock Borough, and respectfully tenderhi
professional services to the citiiens of this placeani
•nrrounding eoqntry.
ALL WORK WARRANTED, TO GIVE SATIT
IION.
Office over Tattoo's Law Office near the Post
OS-a
- . __ . , j
NEW
TAILORING SHOP
The Subeenber having had a sixteen years prac
tical experience in euttiag and making clothing,
aow offers hie services in this line to the citiiens of
NICKOLSOX and vicinity.
Those wiehmg to get F'ite will find his shop the
place to get them.
IK** '
BILL ARP IS GAUGED BEFORE THE
RECONSTRUCTION COMMITTEE.
[SUPPRESSED TESTIMONY]
To the Editor of the Metropolitan Record.
MR. EDITOR ; —Murder will out, and so
will evidence. Having seen Rice's
testimony before the Destruction Commit
tee 1 have felt sorter slighted because ro
mention aint been tnade of mine. I enp
pose*it has been suppressed, but lam ot
to be hid out in obscurity, country is
the special jury, and by ami by this busi
ness will go up before it on an appeal.—
The record m ust go up fair and complete,
and therefore I'll take occasion to make
public what I swore to. I said a good deal
more than I can put down, Mr. Editor.and
at times tny language was considered im
pudent, but they thought that was all the
better tor their side, for it illustrated the
rebellious spirit—l heard one of 'em say :
" Let him go on—the ruling passion is
strong in death. He's good State's evi
i dence."
When I was put on the stand old Bout
well sw ore me most fiercely and solemnly
to speak the truth, the whole truth, and
nothing but the truth, and I observed that
he was entertaining ah >nt a quart of double
rectified, and it looked like it Lad soured
on his stomack.
Old Blow was scttin' oft'one side with a
memorandum book, gettin' ready to note
down some " garbled extracts."'
Old Iron Works was cba rman, and when
he nodded his Republican head, old Bout
well, says he :
44 Your name is Arp, I believe, sir?"
44 So called," says I.
44 You reside in tbe State of Georgia, do
you ?"'
" I can't say exactly," says I. 44 1 live
ir Rome, —"right in the fork of two injun
rivers."
4 Itff the State ofGeorgia," savs he fierce
lv.
4 'ln a state of uncertainty about that,"
savs I. 44 We don't know whether Geor
gia is a State or not. I would like for you
to c tate yourself, if you know. The state
of the country requires that this matter
should be settled, and I shall proceed to
state "
" Never min i, sir," says he. llow oi l
are you, Mr. Arp ?"
44 That depends upon circumstances,"
says I. 44 1 don't know whether to count,
the last five years or not. Durin' the war
your fi> ks said that a State could'nt secede
but that while she was in a state of rebell
ion she ceased to exist. Now vou sav we
got out and we shan't get back until
1870, A man's age has got somethin' to
•to with lii> rights, and if we are not to vote
1 don't think we ought to count the time.
"J hat s about as near as I can come to my
age, sir."
44 Well, sir," says lie; 44 are you familiar
with the political sentiments of citizens of
your Btate ?"
44 Got no citizens yet, sir, that we know
of. 1 will thank you to speak of us as
44 people."
"Well, sir," says he, 44 I'll humor your
obstinaney. Are the people of your State
n
44 Don't speak of it as a State, sir, if you
please. I'm on oath now, and you must
excuse me for being particular. Call it
section."
44 Mr. Arp, are the people of your section
sufficiently humbled and repentant to come
back into tbe Union on such terms as wc
may think proper to impose?"
"Not much they ain't,says I. 44 1 don't
think they are prepared for it yet. They
wo uMn't voluntarily go it blind against
•vonr hand. They say the deal wasn't fair
and you've marked tlie car Is and stole the
trumps but at the same time they don't
care a darn what you do. They've become
indiff'rent and don't care nothing about
vour Guy Fawkes bu<iuess. I mean no
inspect to you, gentlemen, but was swore
to tell the whole truth. Our people ain't
a noticin' you only out of curiosity. They
don't expect anything decent, or honorable,
or noble from you. and they've gone to
work d ggin', and plowiu', and plantin', and
raisin' boy children."
Right here the man with a memorandum
scratched down a garbled extract, and oil
Bout well, says he :
* 4 What do you mean, by that, sir ?''—
What inference do you intend ?"
" I'm statin' facts," says I. 44 You must
draw vour own inferences. They are rais
in boy children ! Any barm about that ?
Any treason ? Can't a man raise boy
children ? Perhaps you wonld like to
mend the Constitution and stop it? Old
Pharaoh tried to stop it among the Isra
lites. but it rtidn t pay. lie finally caught
the dropsy in the Red Sea. We are raUin
boy children for the fun of it. They are a
good thing to have in the house, as Mr. j
Toodles would say."
44 Mr. Arp. are not the feelings of your
people very bitter towards tbe North ?"
44 1 beg your pardon, sir, but you 11 have
to split the question, or else I'll have to
split the answer. Our people have a very
high regard for honorable men, brave men
noble hearted men, anu there's a heap of
'em North, and there's a heap of widows,
and orphans there we are sorry for; but as
lor this here fanatical party, they look up
on 'em like they were hyenas a scratchin'
up the dead for a livin'. It's as natural to
hate 'em as it is to kill a snake. It's utter
ly impossible for me to tell the strength,
length and bight, depth and breadth of
their contempt for that party. Tbe v look
upon a fanatic as—as—well as a beggar on
horseback —a buzzard sailin* round a dead
"TO SPEAK HIS THOUGHTS IS EVERY FREEMAN'S RIGHT. "—Thomas Jefferson.
TUNKHANNOCK, PA., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 27, 1866.
eagle—a suck-egg dog croepin' up to the |
tail of a dead lion. They talk about hirin'
Brownlow to abuse 'em, to use language
on 'em like he did a few years ago when he
spoke against PytiC. If they do hire
Brownlow he'll spatter 'em, he'll daub 'em
all over, and slime 'em. slobber on 'cnt
about tight, and it will stick, for the pores
are open and their morals spongy. I'd like
to stand off about ten rods and bear him
spread himself. It would be worse than a
I -quirt gun full of cow slop, and I have no
i oubt would giva general satisfaction."
44 That's sufficient, sir," says old Bout
iW r q. "Ef it was in their power to do so,
. woud your people renew the fight /"
44 Not unless they could fight the fanat
ics all alone, and all the world agree to
'hansd off' Even then there wouldn't be
no fight, for we could'nt cotch you."
• 4 What do your people say -upon the
subject of negro equality ?"
"They say it is a lie, sir—it don't exist
by nature and never can in practi". Folks
wore not created free and equal. That
may be a theoretical truth, but it's always
been a practical lie. There's men I give
the sidewalk to, and there's men that have
give it to me. There's men that I vote
for, and men that vote for rae, and the
grades go up. up, up, step by step, from
my sort to Mr. Davis and Mr. Stephens,
and General Lee and Howell Cobb and
Ben Hill, and their sort ; for they arc the
highest in the nation ; and then again it
goes from me down, down, to the niggers
and the Republicans and the fanatics, and
ttat's as low as they run. There ain't no
; equality, and yon can't make one. We'll
vote tbe niggers certain. I'll vote Tip and
Tip's 4 head-centre,' We'll vote about
fortv, and the first thing you know we'll
elect seven big. black, greasy niggers to
I Congress. We'd doit certain—seven of
'em. 18 carats strong, with Africm musk.
The other Southern States will
d<> the srn) tiling, and you'll
hive about fifty of'em to draw seats with,
and vou can all stick your legs upon your
desks together, and swap lice and vermin,
and be shampooned at the same shop, and
the fair sexes can set together in the galle
ries and mix odours, and fan their scent
i around promiscuous. We'll give the full
benefit of your Civil Fights bill, see if we
don't. Y"ou go on —play your cards. —
We are bid n' our time. We are paying
your taxes and your duties and back ra
tions for 1864, and licenses and your in
fernal revenue, and obeyin'your laws with
out bavin' any hand in tnakin' 'em. and we
are cut oft' from pensions, and public lands;
and von sold a poor man s still in my coun
trv tbe other day because he couldn't pay
i tax on some peach brandy he sti.Ld lor
[ his neighbor two years ago; and soon
vou'll be sellin' the land for the land tax,
| and you're try in' your best to play the
devil generally, but you'll catch it in long |
run. See if vou don't. Talk about Fe
nians. When the good men of the North
and South all get together, they'll walk
over the track so fast that you won't have
time to"get out of the way. ou'llfsubside
into obscurtv, andjyour children will deny ,
that their daddies ever belonged to such a j
partv. Excuse me, gentlem, but Im a ,
little excited. Five cents a pound on Cut- j
ton will excite anybody that makes it ,
Tax on industry—on sweat and toil, i'ro-j
tection tariffs for Pennsylvania and live i
cents a pound tax on Southern cotton
half it's average worth —and your folks (
will manage sorr.e way or other to steal
the other half. My advice to you j
is to quit your foolishness and
to bog:n to travel the only broad road to
peace "
Old Blow couldn't keep up with his j
garbled extracts.
"What makes the President so popular i
at the South j"
"Contrast, sir—contrast. The more he
ain't like your party, the more popular he j
is. He would treat us about right, 1 leek- j
on. if you would let him alone, bat you ;
bedevil him so, that sometimes he don t ■
understand himself. I don't think he ,
knew for a while whether his Peace l'roc- j
lamation restored the writ of habeas cor- ,
pus ot not. But do you go and impeach
hint, and that will bring matters to a fo- ;
etis. 11l bet vou'd be in Fort Delaware'
in a week, and the Southern members be |
here in their seats, and they'll look rour.d !
at the political wreck and ruin and plan- j
der and stealage that's been going on, and
they might exclaim iu the language of the
p°et, _ _ |
'Who's pin here since I'sli pin gone.'
"Mr. Arp. suppose we should have a
war with England or France, what would
the rebels do ?"
"They'd follow Gen. Lee, and Gen.
Johnson, and Longstreet, and old Bory.
Mr opinion i*. that Gen. Lee would have
the Union army, and Gen. Grant would be
his chief of staff, and Gen. liueli would
rank mighty high, and—
What would you do with General Sher-j
man ?
"Sorrv you mentioned him. We'd have
to hire him, I reckon, as a camp fiddler,
and have him sing 4 Hail Columbia' by fire
light, as a warning to tbe boys how mean <
it is to bnrn cities and make war upon de- I
fenceless women and children. No, sir. 1
our bovs wouldn't fight under no such."
At this time the men with the memoran
dum put down some garbled extracts.
"Do you think, Mr. Arp, that if the'
South should ever hold the balance of <
power, they would demand pay for their
negroes T*
44 1 can't say, sir. But I don't think the
South has lost anything that way. We
got their labor before the war for their vit
ties and clothes and doctor's bills, aud we
get it now for about the same. It's all
settled down that way, and your Buruea
couldn't help it. The only difference is in
the distribution. Some of us don't own
as many as we used to, but everybody lias
gfot a nigger or two now, and they'll all
vote 'em or turn 'em off. A nigger that
wouldn't vote as I told him, shouldu't
black my boots."
At this time the Committee looked at
one another, seemin' to be bothered and
astonished. Garbled extracts were put
down with a vim.
Mr. Boutwell, says be, -'Mr, Chairman,
I think, sir, we arc about through with the.
witness. I think, sit, his testimony settles
the questjon as to what we ought to do
with Southern traitors.''
The chairman gave me a Republican nod
and remarked, "Ves, sir, I think we do.
The scoundrels burnt my iron works."
Whereupon I retired, having given geo*
oral satisfaction.
Yours Truly,
" BILL ARP.
The Power of Kind Words.
Wc have seldom seen a more striking
illustration of the power of kind words,
j than in the following extracts from the qon
! t'ession of the robber and murderer, Ilenry
; Wilson. In two instances a few casual
' words of kindness saved the li/es of those
who uttered them, although they knew
i nothing of their djjpger.
" When we got in front of the house, we
i saw what we took te be a man and his wife,
i and three young women, and a hoy, eating
isupper. J proposed to Tom that we should
igo in ami ask to warm,and sit down by the
i stove a few minutes, and I would look over
i the chance a little, at.d if I concluded that
I we could not guard the doors and windows
|to previ nt the escape of any one, I would
i say,' Come, Tom, let's be going;' but il I
i should say, 4 Well, Jack, are you ready?'
he was to place himself between the front
windows, to guard them, and I would
! guard the door, draw our revolvers, and
i demand a surrender. I told Tom not to
• shoot any one, unless it was necessary to
' prevent their escape, and we would tie them
| all, rob the house of what we wanted, then
kill them and set fire to the house; and if
1 any one should come in while we were at
work, we were going to shoot him as he
i should comein at the door.
. 44 Dare you do this?"' said Ito Tom.—
• Yes, I dare do anything that you dare to
do,' said Tom. So I went to the door and
knocked. The man said, 'Come in.' We
went in and asked to warm by the stove,
lie said, 44 Yes, you can warm.' We -at
and wanned till they were nearly through
supper, and I thought best to make the at
tack before they got up from the table.—
So I got up to give Tom the signal, and
the man supposing I got up to go, said.
4 Won't yov stay and take some supper?"
4 Yes, we will take supper wit'i you.' The
man looked as if he thought I accepted his
invitation to supper rather coollv, but if he I
had known What our intentions were, he !
would have been perfectly sati-fied with 1
anv answer, for his kind invitation at the '
moment when I was about to give the sig
nal to Tom, saved his lif , and that of his ;
family."
He also relates another incident where
by two lives were saved in the same wav.
44 When I go) to Herkimer, I left the'
railroad, and took the carriage road, and
about a mile from the town I saw a man 1
and a woman in the road before me going
the same way. I thought I would pass them
and see how they looked, and if well dress- ;
ed, I would turn back, shoot the man and I
rob him,and take the woman over in the
fields away from the road and keep her
company until about one o'clock, and then
kill her, and I would have time to take care ,
of myself before morning. This ws about I
ten o'clock in the evening. So I went on !
and passed them, and saw that thev were. '
well dre>sed and walking verv slow, and ;
appeared to be lovers. I went on just out
of sight of them, and then started back,
took out my revolver and cocked it, nftid
just as I was goirgto shoot him, he spoke !
very pleasantly to me. 4 Good evening,!
sir,' I answered,' Good evening,' and pass
ed on.
44 Since I have been writing my history, [
several persons have said to me, that they '
hoped I would give good advice in it. The j
best advice I can give is, always treat a
stranger kindly, for you don't know who or j
what he is, nor do you know how much ,
good a kind act or civil word may do you."
43* The western papers are litterally
filled with city, borough, township, and .
other local election victories, fcr the Da- {
mocracy ar.d the Democracy and Johnson
Republicans combined. In Ohio, Illinois, |
Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan, Missouri,,
and even in dark-visaged lowa, the elec
tion results are more than gratifying,
> ——.—
Mi. Killan, at the head of the Fe
niau Treasury Depaitment, writes to a
gentleman in Canada, " 'Tis money, not
men, we want." A good martjr have sus
pected as much.
'A : | ,.s •) .it ■•j
t$T Anglers may nse cotton for a cer
tain kind of tish. That's the way some of
the young women angle for their prey.
43" A beautiful ring—the home circle.
' ; : : ..a.J Mil 1e
' i iff''♦ otfl "*"VO bow.
"WHERE THEBE S A WILL THEBES (
A WAY.
Henry Burgett was not quite twelve
J years of age when his father died; and
fast his tears fell when he knew that his '
kind papa would bo with him no more, !
he wept, if oos-dble, more violently when
his mother told hiin that they must leave
the pretty cottage, the only home they had
j ever known and that hereafter lie was to
live with farmer Howard.
44 We are poor, Henry," she said, "very
poor, and young as you are, my boy, you i
must now earn your own support. Hut 1
keep up a stout heart, you can do it. Fie j
on those tears I" and she turned hastily, '
| that he might not perceive the grief that ,
was piercing her oVn soul.
Farmer Howard was a hard master, and !
a sorry time had poor Henry during the !
j long summer days that succeeded this in.
terview with his mother. It was work,
with no relaxation, from the earlist dawn i
until the twilight had faded. Often did j
his course fail, and despondency and in
dolence urge him to stop, but a stern j
necessity was on him—he must do or;
i starve; and hence he kept at it wearily I
enough to be sur\ unul the la-t apple was
in the cellar, the last ear of corn in the
crib, and all things secured against the
winter with tliemostpains taking thorough
ness.
The winter, tardy as its approach ap
' peared to Henry, came at la>t with its
1 three months privilege of school and its
J glorious Jong evenings, that he might spend
as he cho-e, with no spectres of huge heaps
of corn to husk, or vast fields of potatoes
to dig, looming up in the*distance.
How well tbo-e hours for study were iui- 1
proved, or how highly prized, the bright i
light which the blazing pine splinters shed
from the attic window until long pa.-t Tie j
hour of 12, might tell. (A pine splinter, j
because the mistress was acarelul soul; and
J saved the cardie ends to light Henry to
bed.) He advanced with surprising rapid
ity in his studies, and what wonder ? A--
dent, persevering effort was never unsuc
| cessful. When the spring came, lie was 1
j quite master of the Latin grammar, and
was beginning to read in this language j
' with some degree of ease. The summer, ,
with its wearisome round of duties, could j
: not damp his desire for knowledge, liv ,
' ery spare rn nvnt was carefully seized
' and sedulously employed' ill his favorite
f study.
The winter came again, and with glee
ful heart llenry bounded away to the vil— j
\age school. On the way a class-mate
overtook him—one who had often jeered i
him for bash lulu ess, and plain, homespun
attire, who, with every advantage, had i
uninterruptible pursued his studies.
"Ha, ha, how are you. Ilal ?" Said he : |
don'fcyou wish you could read all that? j
triumphantly holding up a Latin Reader. I
spreading his hand completely over ihe j
open,page, llenry kept Ids own counsel,
aud together they proceeded towards the
school house.
Soon after the opening of the morning
exercises tho class in Latin was called to j
the recitation bench. "Henry," said the j
teacher. "I think you will not he able to )
goon with the class you were in last win
ter, you must fall back with the beginners."
"I should like to enter the Virgil class,;
sir,'" said llenry.
"Virgil class !' Nonsense, boy ! You i
cannot read one word in it. Just let nurj
see now," opening the book and placing it j
in Henry's hand.
"How far shall I read
"As far as you can," replied the master,'
with n sT.arp twinkle of his gray eyes arid
involuntary sarca tic smile.
Henry commenced unhesitatingly to read
and had turned the first, second ani third
leaves befoiethe teacher had sufficiently re
covered from his surprise to check him.
"Stop, sir ! Where did you learn all thisl* ,
asked the teacher.
Henrv told him where. Taking him by
the arm, the master led liim to the Centre of
the room, and placing his hand upon Lis
head, said :
"Attention, boys ; here is a greater con
queror than was Ccesar or Napoleon. Give
him a "round ; three times three, no."
• CheerJy, heartily rang out that applause,
penetrating the farthest recesses of that
time-worn building, making the windows '
fairly shake again. What a proud day
that wa3 for Henry. How Ins heart leaped
and almost bounded out of his bosom ; how
girD nodded and blinked their pretty eyes
at him, he has not yet forgotton ; and al
though at the present time t lie laurels of a
country's regard are clustering thick about ;
his brow, he dku says, "Tlut wastlie vie- ;
tory of my life. It was at farmer How- j
ard's I learned to labor unflinchingly for a ,
given end,'
Children this is no fancy sketch. Such
a hd as I have described really existed.and
from bis example may we not learn to plant j
for ourselves elevateJ standards, and never
give over until we have mustered every,
obstacle and readied our aim.
It is not always lessons to be learned, or
wood piles to be demolished or rebuilt.—
There a r e bad habits to govern, vicious iu- j
olinations to restrain, selfish dispositions to
be overcome—many, many wrongs to be
righted. There is room for a life long la
bor in our hearts. Up, then, my young'
friends, with a strong . purpose of life.— ,
Shrink not at the slightest difficiijty. Re
member, t,hat "where there's a will there's
* wav," and that perseverence is a sure
guaranty of success.
— I —-
43* Keep out of love, law, and bad
weather, if ycra can.
i- *.i r.. .*• 1
.'. , . VlWcor- iill IT' t . : > bl
TERMS, 82,00 PER ANN X 3
CaV-A family in LaCrosse, Wisconsin
Lave been missing stove wood for several
weeks past. On the return of the head of
the family a few days since, the case was
stated,and Sunday night a very pretty stick
of fuel was left with others on the wood
pile. In the stick were eight ounces of
powder, for safe keeping. Monday the
stick was there—Tuesday the s.ick was
there, and the laugh was getting on the
man who fixed it, Wednesday morning
the stick was gone. Wednesday forenoon
an explosion was heard in a house near,and
a kitchen window was spared no panes
On going to the spot a sight was seen. The
stove had joined a peace conference. A
kettle ot pork and cabbage shot up through
the roof like an arrow. A dish of apples
that was stewing on the stove gave the ceil
ing the appearance of the map of Califor
nia, A eat sleeping under the stove went
through the window as if after the devil or
doctor, and has not been seen or heard of
rinee, hut a smell of burnt cat-hair prevades
that house very thoroughly. A flat-iron
was hoisted into a pan of dough,a chair lost
three legs, the wood-box looks sick, while
the roof of the house looks like a bursted
apple-dumpling. The occupant of the ruins,
says :
"Such dunder never comes pefore, or I
puys a lightenin' rod, py tam!"
:—
HOW TO AVOID TIIE CHOLERA.
1. Don't get it on the brain, and to this
end, avoid reading the daily papers.
2. Endeavor, il possible, to keep a clean
! conscience, an J two or three clean shirts.
3. Every morning and evening read a
chapter of Artemus Ward or Josb Bil
lings,
4. Whenever you have nothing else to
do, take a bath.
5. Avoid political assemblages, and ifyou
are fond of clubs,try base ball.
C. \\ ork "eight Lours a day"—and more
if you ft-el like it.
7. Go to no place of amusement that
"advertises in the X. Y. Herald."
8. lii-e with the lark, but avoid larks in
the evening.
9. Be above ground in all your dwellings,
and above board in all your dealings.
10. Love your ne ghborsas yourself, but
don t have too many of them in the same
h'>u--e with v>u.
11. Lit when you are hungry, drink
when you are thirsty, and sleep when you
are sjeepv : hut be careful what vou eat,
what you drir.k, and where you sleep.
12. AvoM the stock exchange, but be
constant to the stocking exchange. (Rather
obscure this, bot consult Sumner about it.
13. Avoid public conveyances even if
you are driven to the necessity of making
u-e of your legs, and walking two or three
miles a day 1
14. Avoid long drees (this is to the wo
men) and leave the sweeping of the streets
to the supervisors.
13. Tell the doctors that "whenever they
Coine within a mile of your Louse, they are
welcome to stay there all night.
16. Don't get scared before you are hurt
nor even then.
17. Get yi>ur life insured.
18. Make your will.
19. Above all subsctibefor the DKMO
crat.
A few days since, a gentleman cal
led upon some lady friends, and was shown
into the parlor by a servant girl. She ask
ed him what name she should announce,and
he. wishing to take them by surprise, re
plied :
"Amicus." (a friend).
The girl seemed at first a little puzzled,
hut quickly regained her composure, and in
the blondest manner p.ssible, observed--
"What kind of a cuss did vou sav, sir ?"
The visitor was embarrassed f.-r a mo
ment, but recovering, handed her his card,
and vowed never again to use Latin to a
servant girl.
"Mr. Wise, of Virginia, in a late
speeh, is reported to have said, respecting
that Btate i "She has an iron chain oi moun
tains running through her centre, which
God has placed thil-e to milk the clouds,
and to t>e the source of her silver rivers."
rite Rochester American remarks : "The
figure is draw n from the Ifew \ ork milk
men. who milk the clouds as much as they
do their cows, and draw from the former
the mo-t palatable and healthful portion of
the compound fluid."
John Randolph is said, upon one
occasion, to have visited a race course near
the city ofXew York. A flashy-looking
stranger offered to bet him five hundred
dollars upon the result of the race, and, in
troducing his companion, said ;
"Mr. Randolph, my friend here, Squire
Tompkins, will hold the stakes."
"But, sir," squeaked the orator of Roan
oke, "who will hold Squire Tompkins after
I give him tay money ?"
An exchange tells of an enamoured
man who took a vonng widow on a ride,
proposed to her, and was accepted ; afte**
which he was so elated, that he wish
some one would ask hint for the loa* -ed
few hundred doilars without seenri' a of a
ing he was never so happy in bi=* "£ say
paper, liowever, torgot to give e
of this supremely happy man t
our efforts to borrow the i,", 50
lars" have been in vain. D rec *
VOL. 5 NO. 46