3BCjtHVEY SICKIjEn, Proprietor^
EW SERIES,
A* •aklyDuimemij
ppCT, devoted to Poll 5". ■
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ud Sciences Ac. Pub- * fl
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a.- fiW .. .
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AIFTRAFFIBNT ADVERTISEMENTS and JOB
, WO|t|C **st Ire paM Or, when ordered.
flu sinfss ijctirs.
r - AT T
tr> ,R.& w. EIiITTEE, ATTORNEYS AT
tX\i LAW Office on Tioga street, Tunkhann .ek. a.
tfj S. COOIMIH, VIIYSiriAN A SIKOEON
KfeA. Newton Centre. Luxerno County Pa.
ATTORNEY AT LAW
Ij ! Tunkhounock, P*. uei'X n Stark's lki.-k
Ttoga street.
qiTM. M. PIATT, ATTOTXFY AT LAW O
IV Brick liiock Taos* fct -i Tvnk
K anneck, Pa.
(Tjif tSurljlft' |)ouse,
R R ,'PKNfNA.
Tho undersigned having lately purhn?ed the
BCEtfLER HOCSE " property, has already com
rMMced such alterations and improvements as will
•reader this kid and popular House pqunl, if not supe
,rUr. to any Hotel in the City of Harrisburg.
A continuance of the public patronage is refpect
frlly loik'ited. rEo BOLTOH*
WALL'S HOTEL,
'r 4rE i- )U£>E,
Tlll.*etlfclikieiit h >* roc. ally leAi ro„**<ls--nrf
furnished in the latest style Every attention
will Wo given to th© tjotufort and convenience ol those
-w<4 patroniie tho Hiaise.
T. It- WALTj Ownr and Proprietor .
TueUiannoek.jfeptember 11, 1861.
.WORTH BRANCH HOTEL,
MESHOPPEN, WYOMING COUNTY, PA
Wn, 11. COHTKiGHT, Prop'r
i v Z.' • * —1 . £* \<
H'A"V4-Ntl-roumed th-prn]irietorakip of th© atwve
Iletel, the undersigned will spare uo effort to
seeder the house an agreeable place of sojourn for
all who utay favor it with their cuetom. ~,_a
04 ' ■ \Yui H CORTRIGHTt
le,*3rfl, 1863 '
L'i -k." X. ia i :<' k I-.it.
.PHYSICIAN Jt SURGEON,
Weald respectfully announce to the citizcnso' Wy
he iuis lucuted at 1 where
Ye will prOftqt!y attenl to nil cnMstn the line of
%ie profession.
j-gr Wi^. feund at home en Nafurdays of
<Me week
'Pans Ihitrl,
TOWAN33A, PA.
D. B. BARTLET,
| lake eft. p ßiuifiAiu> llorsE, ELSIKA, N Y.
PROPRIETOR.
The MEANS HOTEL, 1-otie ofthe LARGEST
aid ARKANO Eli House* in the et>untry—lt
ie ftted up in the most mo '.©rn and improved style,
aid no pains are spared to .make it a pleasant and
ijpeeable stopping-place for all,
. , n , , . . .
CLARHEjKEEi'I Ef,3t fcO.,
HASTFACWM A!TF> WVOLKSALB DKALRRS IX
LADIES', MISSES' & GENTS'
ASP
■ATS, CAPS, tuns; STRAW GOODS,
PARASOLS AND UMBRELLAS. ,
' BtFFALO AND FANCY kOBES,
BROADWAY,
COHSAR Of LKOSARIL BTREKT,
! . i'
B. Y. CLARK, J
A. Itntt f • i' •)
•> S
" '""MrOILMAN,
■MTISt.
.•-cat. . _ I
M OILMAN, has permanently located in T.onk
• Borough, and reapectfully ter.derhi
profeeeional services,to the citixens of this placeand
•■rreupiing ceuntry.
ALL WORK WARRANTED, TO QIYE SATIT
>!•*.
•ee ejy atW'e Law Office near the Post
f rlfft Jjhmj.
A TWILIGHT WOOING
It's an awful thing to lose a friend by
marriage. Ta see hhn drop into your
room occasionally,-always with a paper
parcel under his ami suggestive of lace
and ribbons, instead of having him all to
yourself, day in and day out. To know
that, the blue breathed evening cigar will
inevitably be abbreviated by '* Oh, my wife
will be anxious it I'm not at home by eight
o'clock. ' To tell him abont the prttv
girl wijh the pink bonnet that you met in
the singe yesterday, and be generally con
fidential,-and then find vour tongue sudden
ly palsied by the conviction that he will
tell his wife every word you have bum
saying There is no use talking about the
thing—its actually indescribable.
Do you suppose I did'nt feel jealous
wben Jack Marclyffe got married ? Do
vou suppose the green-eyed mouster did
! not inspire me with all sorts of unauiiabie
feelings toward the little brown-eyed beau
tv who had cut hie out completely ? It took
some, time to reconcile rue to the new state
of things, , But when I found out th&t she
did not object to my sitting on. the balcony
and speaking with Jack—nay, that she ac
tually lighted onr Wgars tcr us, and then
brought her little footstool and sat down
by the side of us—that she laughed l.ke q
peal of merry bells at our bachelor chan
ces and mishaps, and that she liked to liaye
me come to dinner on Sundays,—then I
thought Jack's wife wasn't so had an iiisti
sution after all. And one day, wlit-n sin
brought out her tiny wicker work basket,
! and stood on tip-toe to sew the loose but—
! tons on my coat 1 capitulated in good ear
; nest.
I " Jack," I, '' your wife is
; exactly "at: angel, tor 1 don't believe in an
| g Is about the bouse —but the sweetest
; little woman f ever set my eyes upon. —
You won't be jealous, old fellew?"
" Jealous —no !" '. said Jack, stretching
his neck so as to look after the light dis
appearing figure. "I 11 tell you what, Ar
i tluir, you ought to -ee Mary's sister,
i Sure enough, about two weeks afterward
!as I came in at tie sweet-brier sliadowcd
I gate, and paused to jook at the crimson
j clover pinks just opening their fringed
j petals, the silver tones of another voice
i sounded in the low-eaved piazza, and 1-
! most before I knew it Jack Mareh flfe's
I arm was through mine, and ho was intro
j duciog me to a duplicate-edition of h s
j wife—a scarlet lipped, arch-eved girl, in
1 white tnus'in, with a'coral bracelet on her
1 arm.
From that moment I wa gone—l did
| not know whether I sat in Jack's velvet
| easy chair, or on top of th rail fi-r.ee. T
j said, M no thank you," when Mrs. Jack
* asked me how 1 was. I stirred my cup of
chockolate with a penknife, and tried to
put the table cloth iu mv pocket, instead
of a handkerchief, and finally disgraced
myptdf irrevocably by putting the match
i box in the cradle, and depositing the baby
on the mantlepiece.
"Good gracious, Mr. Arden !" exclaim
ed M.drclyffe, "what's the matter?"
"I bcli.-ve —I think l've got a cold in
my head?" falteied I, looking at the time
straight at Agnes, who was playing with
her coral bracelet, and pretending. not to
laugh. .-jj
" Jack," said I, that evening as he went
out to the gate with me, " there's no use
trying to mince matters'—if I can't win
Miss Agne-, I slut 11 take arsenic."
Jack squeezed mv hand; he had been
through the mill himself.
" Do you think she cares for me, Jack
j I asked, plaintively, about a month after
ward. '• I declare, honestly, I've riie greats
est mind in the world to jump off the pier,
or bang myself peac-a'.lv. Now what
dees she mean hv fiiriiiig with that red
whiskered Carew? Oh, Jack, do be mer
ciful—tell rae what you really think."
Poor M tclvffi* I If was about the thir
tieth time he had been asked the same
question.
-"Why,how can I tell, Arthur? You might
as well ask m" to read the ITirid-o alpha
bet as to decipher the mysteries of a wo
man's heart. Why dqn'.t you ask her
yourself?' .
"Meask her!" and the cold chill? ran
through me like ice. "Jack, I dare not,
for nty life 1"
Jack burst into a laugh.
" Well, I can't givtj any better advice,"
said he ; " only remember, my boy, •* faint \
heart never won fair lady.' "
lie turned awav, and left me standing in
the amber lbi-di pf thq
crimson cluster of cinnamon roses, and the
tall coronal of gleaming lillies. Up in the
rosy sky the new moon hung, a r curved
thread of silver, and -oOQi! bnght star bore
its lance of pearl agaifyst the radiant hori
zon. I looked silently up at the fair at- 1
trfopher—down atthe blooming garden
of-flowers, thinking, in the midst of my
perplexity,-how like the blue heavens was
Agnes's eyes, and marveling that the pink
roses were so near akin to the dainty color
that upoq her silk soft
cheek. /voi't s.. I. i
Beside the low French window that
opened upon the piazza floor, I saw the
bow of muslin drapery through the ira
grant gloom—lt was where Mrs. Mar
clyffe was wont to sit with her baby. I
caught the refrain of the low, delicious
cradle song, warbled in the tiny .sleeper.'s
ear. *A bright thought struck me —I
would take woman's wit into my counsel.
"Marv," gaid I, sitting down on the pj-
*:r■■ © . „
"TO SPEAK HIS THOUGHTS IS EVERY FREEMAN'S RIGHT. "—Thomas Jefferson.
| ■ l | 3 |
TUNKHANNOCK, PA., WEDNESDAY, MAY 9, 1866.
azza'step. and leaning my head against the
rose-wreathed pillar jut opposite the win
dow, "I wish you'd tell me what to do—,
I'm desperately in love with your sister
Agnes, and—don't laugh now —I have
not the courage to tell her so."
I patwed atl instant, and then went on:
"I love her better than life. No, that
is not saying enough. I would die to
malae her happy. Oh, Mary can't voft
give a word ot encouragement ? T dare
not tell Iter my lore, because my heart
sinks so in dread from the one little word,
'No! 1 Will she speak it, do you think?"
There was ao answer.
"Mary will sljc break my heart ?"
I spoke with trembling accents, fresh
from th Jeepest recesses of my soul —the
very air seemed to sob arounl me as I
ceased. One instant of silence, in the soft
pulsing fragrance <f the mid—aiminer twi
light, and thin there w;is a fluttering of
i light, azure rubes, the fall of a fa.ry loot,
t Ere 1 could look up, a soft, white aim,
i gli-aiiiing'with the cla-p of a blood-red
•bracelet, was around my neck—a. shower;
j of biow'n curls nestled on my b:ea>t.
i 'LShc will not —she never will!
j The voice was that of .Agues Day ;
} 1 held the coy, coquettish trembler to my
heart.
Lfc has been brimming with sweets ev
)er since. Many a golden moment has
! paused to sprinkle its chalice of joy around
1 my footsteps, as it passed into the world of
j the by-gone; but in all my existence,
i there never came a second t rae like that,
j I had been pleading; to Agnes herself;
1 ami Mary stood -oniling in the background,
i the spice of roguery gleaming in
1 her hazel eyes, throng.l a quiver of joyous
j tear®.
i "So I'm realiy to have a brother-in-law,
| she said, putting aside the roses and rom
i ing fdrward, just as the wicket fastening
| clicked under Jack's hand, an ! the fiery
i spark of his cigar flashed through the pur
j pie gloaming, slowly traveling up the gar
j den walk.
I ''Hailo ?" §ai<l lie, pausing abruptly, as
j Agnes fried vainly to escap" from my detain
i ing arms. "Oh. I see,now ! \N ell—np —r
1 on—my —word! for such a bashful young
1 gentleman, von're be*n remarkably expe
'Ntious! ' Accept my congratulations, Ag
gie—ditto, Arthur,"
A n.irpv WOMAN.
t "What are you singing for ?" said Ito
i Mary Maloney.
j "Ob, I kon't knowy ina'am, without it is
! because my heart feels happy."
j "IU py, arc y.>u, Man t ? Why, let me
see, vou own a foot of laud.in the
j- vvorfd."
| "Foot of land is it ?" she cried wit'; a
hwnf laugh. "Oh what a hand \e be after
a joke. Why, sure, I've never a peony,
t let aline a foot of land."
'"Your mother is dead !"
"God rest he sowl, yis," replied Man*
•with a touch of genuine pathos. "The
Heavcps be her bed."
"Your brother is still a hard case, 1 sup
pose? 'Ye may well say that. Its noth
ing but drink, drink, and hate his wife—
the poor craykure."
"Yhou have to pay your sister's hoard ?"
"Sure, the hit of a cravture !. and she's a
good little girl, is Jinny, tviliin' to do what
ever 1 axes lifer. I don't grudge the mon
rey that goes for that.''
"And you havn't niany fashionable
dress.es, either ? ■%
"Fash'nnble, is it ? O yis, I put a bit
gf Italy ho tied n me skirt, and me calico
, town spreads as big as the h'ddies. But
j bin ye say tjq; I have not got but two
j gowns to.pie hack, two shoes 4io me fut,
and que bonnet, barrin' me quid hud.".
/ "You haven't any .lover /" * ~..
"Oft be ofl'yvid yc ! catch Mary Mabv
ney vvid a lover these days, whin the hard
t times is cum.'
"What ou earth have von to make von
happy ? A drunken brother, a po<u* b-'lp
-1 less sister, nounothar, no father, no (over—
why, -where do yon get all your'happiness?"'
*'Tfce Lord be praised, Mfss, b grAwed
up in tlm; t-rive me a bit nv stinshiue, a
clCan flivre, plenty o' work and a sup at the
rigbtTrme,'and I'm made. Tliat makes
rrte langh knd siifg. And thin, if trouble
romei, I'tVy to kape me heart tip.* * %tiu
it would be a s ad thing if Batriek MrGuire
"should ttike it Into his head to ax ine ; 'but
the Lord be willin' I'd to up \fn- 1
der it."
ANHFRRIOTE OF DR. EMMONS.—A Fan- , 1
theist minister ip'et him one day an|l
f ruptly Rftkqrl 1
" Mr! Emmons, hovtr ofd are you T*
" Sixty, sir : and ho\V old pre yo.u ?"
, As old as the ofeatloti," was the. answer
in a triumphant tone." " .
"Then yon are the same'age with Adam
and Eve !"
"Certainly; 1 was in the garden when
they weta*
" I have always heard that there was a
third person in the garden with them," re
plied the doctor witli great coolnesS, "but
I nover knew before that it was you."
t&T'- A lady asked a sailor whom she
met why a fchip was' called " she/' . The
son of Neptune replied tlmt it was because
the rigging cost more than the hull.
telsfli > I foa: rt ttsi ' n
.-/> • 1 "*"■■■. r.*' .-••
• all you say, rather than aay.
all yon think.
•■• wu
Dftal febnestly.
UOSTON IX TIIO (H.OI'.X II HI.,
A hundred years ago, on account of po
litical disturbance, certain municipal iegu- :
lations were made, conducive to the bet 1 .
ler order of the town. Among them was]
an order to '-arrest all negroes found out i
after dark without a lantc n." Soon after !
it happened that an old colored man was
picked up, the record says, "prowling .
abont in tottl darkness." When exam
ined bv the magistrate tho following day,:
be re pi i 14! to the query, "Ar you guilty?" !
"No sah ! 1 has de lantern," holding up
before the astonished court an old one with :
with neither oil nor candle in it. He was 1
discharged, and the law amended so as to
read, a lantern with a raurf/rf
Old Tony, not long after, was anested a
second time on the same complaint, and
again pleaded "not guilty," producing a :
1 intern with a oundle. The wick, liowev- 1
er, had te-ver been dbcobdred by a flame;"!
The shrewd datkey was again discharged !
with a reprimand, and the law was stil! 1
again amended sd as to require "a lantern
.with a li'jhtcd candle." Old Tony never !
troubled the watch any more. He was j
overheard saying, "Massa got too much j
light on de subjec'."
An English traveller, coming over
abuul this time to sec what kind of a place
these qulooies might be. says of Boston :
"The buildings, like their women, are neat I
and handsome, and their streets, like the j
Icaits of their men, are |ved with peb—j
bles. They have four churches built with j
clapboards and shihgjle, and-supplied with
four ministers—©one a scholar, one a gen
tF man, one a dundc and one a clown.—
The captain of a ship inet his wife ou the
street, after a long voyage, and kissed her
for which he was fined ten shillings.—
What happiness, thought I, do we enjoy
in Okl England, where we can not only
khs-, our own wives, but other men's with
out danger of penalty."
Arieuius Ward Insures; His Life,
1 kum to the kopclusion lately that life
was so onsartain, that the only way for me
to stand a fair chance with oilier folks, was
to git in) life ensured, arid so T called ou (
the agent of "Garden Angel Insurance.'
Company," and answered the following
questions which were put.to me from the
top uv a pair uv gold specks, by a ' sleak
little man, with as fat an old belly on him
as eny mdn ever bad :
Ist. Are you mail or fern ail? If so
state liow long have you been so.
2d. Are you subject to fits, and if so
do you have more than pnri at a, time?
Bt. What are your fighting weight ?
4th. Did you ever have any ancestors, ■
and if so. how. much?
sth. VYhh't is your legal opjnion of the (
oonstitutionalitv of the It/ commandments.
GLII. DU \OB ever have any night marcs?
7th. Are voij married or single, or are
you a batchelar?
Bth. Du you belive in a future state ! If
you du, state it.
9th. AVhat are your sentiments
abont a rtt'sb on rats in a bed —can it be
did successfully ?
10t!u Have you over committed suicide,
and if so, haw did it s. cm to affect you ?
After answering the above questions like
a man in the coiifirmity,"tfie sleek little fat
! old rftnn. wrtb goh'spe'eks on,Vr?d I war? ort*
birred for life, arwl Would 're tn ft in
SO for a term uvhyears. ?'
1 thanked birr and smilrid one nv my
most pensive smiles./
Refinement is indicated, to
ext.-nt, by a delicate appreciation of the
comparative merits of perfumes ; apd it is
a proof .if the critical taste,of the Ameri
can public in toilet luxuries, that (hey have
adopted as the standard article of its class,
l'halon's"NighLClooming Cereus." Sold
everywhere. t "
4*V - : N
Dr- Loring, a member of the Massachu
setts House -of lie robentatives from Sa
lem, the gentleman who nominated Mr,
Breckinridge for the Presidency, in the
Baltimore Convention, in l&til), has offered
a series ol resolutions condemning President
Johnson and " whitewashing" Mr. Sum
ner The Doctor is a suitable oirson to
treat so" grave'.'a subject. Boston Post
Z-tT TIKI following is the way to judge
the weatlier by the sky : lite colors of the
sky at different times afford wonderfully
good guidance. Not only' does jt at sun
set presage fair weather,- Vut - ikero are'
other tints which -peak with clearness and
accuracy A bright yellow in the evening
indicates wltjd ; a pale yellu>f wrf; .q:iiep-.
try] gray color constituLee a sign
in the evening—an . unfavorable in the
mortiiug. The clouds are full of meaning
111 themselves. Jf they are .soft,, undefined
and feathery, the >v eat hup \yili be fiueif
the edges are hard, sharp and definate, it
will befoilL Generally speaking, any deep
unusual hues wyfij j'ain, while tliq.
more quiet and delicate tints law peak fail*
weather. Sun pie as these maxims are the
British Boam of Trade.has thought fif. tq.
publish them for the use qf, the sea-faring
'■IENI„ 7JFR./. HI .
A gentleman, talking to anotlier on'the
subject of marriage, made the following
observation :
"'I first saw my wife in a stojrm ; carried
her to a ball in a storm ; courted her in a
storm ; married her in.
storm all her life ; thank Heaven I
hurried her in pleasanj weather," ~
VYOKK A BLESSING.—Many young men
have l'htbers that are well off, and they
have no ambition, and no particular pros
pect. They scorn a trade. A man that
is too well born' for a trade, is very well
born t'yr a gaHuw ! Thousands of parents
w'io by industry have gained a position
which enables them to destroy their chil
dren, take the surest means of accompli h
ing their destruction, by encouraging them
in idleness, and allowing them to grow up
with feelings of contempt for labor. No
child pught to be reared, to feel that it is
disgraceful to work at whatever nmntiel
labor" best suits his talents, no matter if his
father is a minister, or a lawyer, or • sena
tor, or the president of tho Unified States.
Marty young men are looking" forward up
on life with the general idea that they arc
going to enjoy themselves. They are
provided with needful physical comforts
and they mean to Le very happy. They
have no trade. They slight their profes
sion. Their whole governing principle iu
life is. to shirk anything like work ; and
they expect to have enjoyment without in
dustry. But 110 iiiuu iu this world will he
happy who violates the fundamental law
ot industry. You must work it* you are
going to be a liappy man. I know you
think it is hard ; but if God had meant
.h it you shovld be[a butterfly, you would
have'boon born a but'.erfly. And as you
were not born a moth or a miller, bat a
man, you must accept the- conditions of
vc ur m anhood. And it there is one prin
ciple that is more important at the very
thre-liold of life tha another, it is that
tu tv is bom to icvrk. At the beginning
( of the history of the race, it may have been
a curse that doomed man to work-; but,
| thank God, it has been changed to a bless
ing now. And tho baptism of work is a
I baptism of ble.-d;:g.
I Lis NAME. —The-vivid sketch of edito
rial character on the I'acitfc sule from Ar-,
(emus Ward, who savs:'"My arrival at
Virginia Citv was .signalized by the follow
ing incident: I had no sooner achieved
my room in the garret of the International
Hotel, whuii 1 was calk-d upon by an in
toxicated yian, who said he was an editor.
Knowing how fate it Was for an editor to
be under the blighting influence of cither
spirituous or malt liquors, 1 received this
statement doubtfully. But I said, "-What
name V "Wait," he said, and went out.—
I heard lain pacing up and down the hall
outside. In teu minutes he returned, and
said./TYpper !" I'epper was' indeed his
.mm . lie had been out to see if he could
renumber it ; and he was so flushed with
Iris -access, that he repeated it over sever- 1
a! tim.es, and then, with a short laugh, he
went awav. I had often heard of a man
being so drunk that he didn't know what 1
town he lived itq.bnt here was a man so
hideously inobiisp.qdjnat he -didn't know
what his na.tne was. I saw 00 more of iiira
but 1 heard from him, for hej published a
notice, cf my lecture iu which he said I had
a dissipated air !"
—#
ARTEMUS WARD, in the prospectus of
his Irving Hall entertainment, tempts the
public to come and see him with the fol
lowing inducements r
The fostivitics will' be commenced by
tbe pianist, a gentleman who used to board
in the same street'with Gottschnlk. The
man who kept the boarding house remem
| bers him distrnetly. - The overture will
consist of a rnedlv of airs, including the
touching new ballads,"Dear Sister, is there
any Pie in the Mouse?" "_Mv Gentle Fa
ther, have you any Fine Cut about vou ?"
* Mother, is the batfilfe o'er, and is it safe
tor me to come home from Canada?" and
"(by request ot several families who have
heard it) "Tramp/ Tramp. Tramp,
the Boys are Munching," While the en
raptured ear drinks in this sweet music.
[we pay our pianist nine dollars a week
attd find him,] tho eye will bo entranced
,by the magnificent green baize covering
of the Panorama. This green baize cost
40 cents a yard at Stewart's store. It was
bought in defence of the present populari
ty -of ri'Hie Wearing of the Green." We
shall keep up with the time if we spend
the last dollar our fiiends have got.
'The world is governed by three boxes—
cartridge-box, the ballot-box and the band
box.--l?d ,
„ It is our opinion that .the latter governs
all. - i
a ■> ■ 1 .' ' •
• • ' * c -X.
i We would respectfully suggest. to the
yotingf"people whom we sawgazing at the
stars, one evening, not long since, that
midnight js not quite the appropriate time
for* such proceedings, . ... . f
_u—...—■ i ;
"llusbapd, I wish you would buy me
isomo pretty foatherS " "Indeed, my dear
little wife, ypu look belter without them."
"o,h, no,', said she 'Coaxingly, "you always
eall me'vpur little bird, and how does a
bird look without feathers?" "Why,
dyessed, to be sure, said he.
( .
nWe bave all heard of asking for bn'ad
,a?itl receiving, a stoue ; but a young gentle
man may be considered as still worse treat
ed, when he asks for a young lady't hand
and gets her,father's foot.
I I'.ll ■ ' o
, ' . • 1 tit i"— —n —T- *
■fiik . ,
"What will you tajte first in Canada !
asked'a quizzing Yankee of a faithful Fin
ian. % ?Hot whisky punch," was the prompt
reply TT 4 -
TERMS, 82,00 PBH j f
ODDS AN# £KDS.
Industry must thrive.
Wit —Wisdom masquerading.
Lett**—• eowversatkni with the' p£
What suit" wears not at the pocket ?—A
lawsuit.
The A rtUt's AdieU to his Pictures;—*
You be hanged ! ,
When is snow like truth ?—When' it
does cot lie.
How to Ruin your Constitution.—Keep
tinkering at it.
A dogma is defined as an opinion* laid
down with a snarl.
Organ-grinders' Device. —One good
turn deserves another.
Do right: fear not ; virtue and honesty'
will be rewarded.
Album—A drawing-room, man trap set
by young ladies.
Woman—An essay on grace, in one vol
ume, elegantly bound.
Oentlemon— A manual of good manners
bound in cloth.
Old Maid—A quiver full of arrows with
no bow (bean)attached.
Thft friends of labor are generally those
j who like it in others.
An eloquent speaker is like a river—
( greatest at the mouth.
To many a poor fellow the bone of con—
! tent ion is his rib.
The greatest organ in the world—The
• o rgan of speech in woman.
When is a wave like an array doctor ?
When it is a surain\
'•Chalking the lamp-post' is the term
for bribery in Philapelphia.
! Why are the girls of Missouri so sweet?
i Because they are Mo. lasses.
A prudent head is watchful of the tongue
I that vibrates in the mouth of it.
The quickest way to make eye-water is
to run your nose against a lamp post'
Self-conceit is about as uncomfortable a
seat as a man can have for a steady thing.
Death comes to a good man to relieve
hi in ; it comes to a bad one to relieve 60-
ciety.
Every bear should be taught to dattfee,
for what is the use of bruin without bops I
When a man is saddled with a bad wife
there is sure to he stir-ups iu the family.
Why are pretty women like barking
dogs ? Because they show their teeth and
don't bite. *
Thought at a Wedding-breakfast.—Thtf
bridal reigr. (bridle rein) begins with a bii
in the mouth
-
People who arc always sighing and
groaning should be sent to a lunatic asylum
as moan-maniacs.
An editor fflicted with hand-organs
thinks the rinderpest cannot be compared
with the grimlerpest.
Never tread on the tail of a cat, or tell
a woman she is not handsome, nnless you
are fond of music.
A MisNoMr.n.—Calling a certain netbef
garment, .between five and six feet in di
ameter a^'/wf/y-coat."
If you wish to be a saint, instruct your
childien ; because all the good they do will
be imputed to yOu.
Bachelor—a dandy-lion rnn to seed in
a garden of beautiful flowers. The in
grafted crab-tree of humanity.
Old Snarl says that love is a eorabina
of disease—an affection of the heart, and
an inflamation of the brain, 1
Mrs. .Tones declares that the only way a
traveler can avoid being in railroad collis
sions,now-a-days is to take the other train.
Fashionable yonng lady detaching her
hair before retiring : "What dreams may/
eotne when we have shuffled off this mortal
(oil r
All nonsense—Getting up with Jarks in
the morning, when you've been up on m"
lark all night. What says our fast young g
men ?.
. There is an old saying, and a true one
that there is nrt telling what a man is worth
until he is dead And his funeral expenses
paid.
Will the yonng gents wlio had the en
counter with the lately, favor us
with a short account of the affair for publi
cation.
♦'Toby, what did the Israelites do when *
they crossed the Red Sea ?" "I don't know
ma'am, but I guess they dried themselves."
A charity scholar under examination on
the Psalms, beirg asked, "What is the 1
pestilence that walketh in darkness ?" re
plied, "Please, sir, bed-bngs."
The young lady who lost her veil, while
returning from Dr. Gleason's lecture, one
evening, last week, will do well to
her tho old adage of "More baste, lean*
Speed,"
" VOL. 5 NO. S9
i * v i■_ 7 * *