piscellatiffinj. " 4 WAIHy BKKJHAPIIY. jittemus Ward gives ua the following bi ogjaphy of himself: *1 am fifty *i* (W) years of age. Timo with his relentless scythe is over busy. The Old Sexton gathers theui in, lie gathers iheui ia I 1 keep a pig this year. "1 was but 11 in the slate of Alamo of par ants. As an infant 1 attracted a great deal ofatteotion. The nabrs would stand over mj cradlejfor hours and say. "How bright that little face looks ! How uiuch it nose !" young ladies would carry me round in tbf u* arms, saying I was "muzzer's berry darliu'," and a "sweety '.'ety 'ittle ting." It was nice, tho' I wasn't old enutf to properly appreciate it. I'm a healthy old tlarlin' now. "I hare allurs sustained a good moral char actcr. I was never a railroad director in my life. "Altho, in early life I did not Invariably confine myself to truth in my small bills, I have been gradooally growing respectabler, ev'ry year. I luv niy children, and never mistake another man's wife for my own. I'm not a member of any meelin'-house, but firm ly b'lleve in meetin'-houses, anil shouldn't feel safe to take a dose of laudanum and lay down in the street of a village that hadn't any, with a thousand dollars in my vest pockets. "My temperament is billious altho' I don't owe a dollar in the world. "I am an early riser, I may add that I am also baldheaded. I keep two cows." THE PRINTER'S TEN COMMANDMENT'S,— 1. Thou shalt love the Frinter (especially the Ladies)for he loveth you muchly, 2. Thdu 6balt subscribe for his paper—for he seeketh much to obtain the news of which you remain ignorant. 3. Thou shalt pay him for his paper, he laboreth hard 10 give you the news ia due season. 4. if a business man, thou shalt advertise, that thus tby profits may enable the not ob ly to pay for thy paper, butt put money in thy purse. fi. Thou shalt not visit him regardless of bis office rales—in deranging the paper. 6. Thou shalt not touch anything that would give bim trouble—that he may net hold the guilty. 7. Tbou shalt not read the manuscript in the hands of the compositor—for he will no: hold thee guiltless. 8. Thou shalt not read the news before it is printed—for he will give it to you in due time. 9. Thou sbalt ask him but few questions of thiogs in the office— from it thou sbalt tell nothing, 10. Thou sbalt not at any time send abusive and threatening letters to the editor, nor oowhide him more than five times a year— nor bring the printer old rotten wood —nor bring produce that defies the d —1 to eat. At a camp meeting a number of ladies con tiaued standmg on the benches notwithstand ing the irequent hints from the minister to •it down. A reverend old gentleman, noted for his good bnmor, arose and said : "I think if those ladies standing on the baoches knew that they had boles in their stockings, they would sit down," This address bad the desired effect— there was an immense sinking into the seats. A young minister standing behind him, and blushing to the temples, said : "0, brother, how could you say that ?" "Say thatj?" said theold gentleman, "it's a kct— if they hadn't holes in their stock* logs, I'd like to know how they get them so 7" "Do you keep Bails here ?" asked a sleepy looking lad, walking into one of our stores the other day ! "Yes," replied the gentle* manly proprietor, we keep all kinds of nails. What kind will you have, and how many V Well, said the boy, sliding toward the door, "I'll take a pound of inger nails and half pound of toe nails." John Newton aays: "When I get to heaven I sbsll see three wonders there. Tho first wonder will he to see so many people there whom I did not expect to see ; tbo second wonder will be to miss so many whom I did expect to sec ; and the third and greatest wonder of all will be to find myself there," A youth after vainly trying to oxplsin some scientific theory to his fair nramoiario said : "The. question is difficult, and I don't see what I can doto make it clearer." "Sup pose you pop It," whispered tho blushing damsel. - —~ —— ■ m Ws see It recorded that a soap peddler was recently caught at sea during a violent storm, when he saved his life by taking a cake of bis soap and washing himself ashore. This soap, or the story, vnuit havo been inadu from vary strong Mr. | Ths deeadenoe o' waterfalls will cause s great falling riff of hslr. 4 —■■ y I ■ I -- A kind of angling that doesn't always take: Fishing for enmpllmonts. Host bachelors are smart, but It Is only b;* ■ Envelopes* &e., &e, &c. t Hardware of all kinds, such u 1 ails, 2/inges, Hcrews, Door Latches and Khobs, Locks and CUTLERY of evory de scription. Also Dyes Drugs, Paints, Varnish es. Fish Flaxseed and Bcnzino Oils, OlaHs, Putty, etc. Queens & Glassware Ofall kinds, Stone and Earthenware J A largo Stock of oioppßs, Composed of sugar, coffee, teas, rice, corn starch, Alaaiaroui, Barley, Bak ing powder, molasses, soaps, candles, tobacco, and segars, salt, fish, meat, cheese, I* 144 920 Honryvillo 12.27 6.29 9 2.00 9.35 Oakland 12.11 6.14 % 0 2.18 9.52 Forks 11.53 6.29^ 3 238 10.11 Tobyham.a 11 34 5,41 ta 252 10.24 G0u1d5b0r0........ 11,20 B. 28 Ik 3,27 10.58 Dunning 10,47 4.58k O 3.40 Greenville 10.35 V 4.20 11.45 RCRANTON 10 15 430 4.42 • ••• Clark's Summit.••• 9.38 • ••• 450 12.15 Abington 9.30 350 5.06 12.31 Factoryvilte 9.14 3.35 5.26 12 51 Nicholson 8,50 3.12 5.48 1,13 Hopbottom 833 2.57 6.10 1.35 Montrose 8.10 2,36 6.21. 4.56 New Milford 7.49 217 650 215 Great Bend 7,30 2,00 P, M. A. M A, M. P. M. CONNECTIONS—Westward, The MORNTNG TRAIN from New York con nects at MANUNKA CHUNK with ihe train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Depot) at 7 30 a. ui. and at GREAT BENDArith the through Mail Train on the Erie Railway, with sleepiog car attached, stopping at all the principal stations on that road, and arriving at Buffalo at 6 10 a, m. THE EVENING TRAINS from New York con nects at MANUNKA CHUNK with the train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Lepot,) at 330 p. ra at GREAT BEND with the. Night Express on the Erie Railway, west, arriving at Buffalo at 1;42 p. m. Eastward* The MORNING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects there with the Cincinnati Express on the Erie Railway from the West; at Manunka Chu k with a train for Philadelphia and intermediate stations, arriving in Philadelphia at 6.30 p. m.' and at New Hampton with a train For Easton. Bethlehem, Al lentown, Reading and Harriaburg, arriving at Har risburg at 8-30 p. m. The EVENING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects therewith the New York Express on the Ex press on the Erie Railway from the West; at Ma nunka Chunk with a train which runs to Belridere where it lies over until 6 o'clock the next morning, and at New Hampton with an Express Train fir Aaston, Bethlehem. Allentown, Reading and Har risturg. • At SCRANTON, connections are made with trains on the Lackawanna and Bloomsburg Rail roan to and from Pittston, Kingston, Wilkesbarre. Berwick, Bloomsburg, Danville, Northumberland Harrisburg and intermediate stations, and with irains on the Delaware and Hudson Railroad to and from Carbondale and intermediate stations. WATTS COOKE, Supt. R. A. HENRY, General Ticket Agent. je29tf EYE AND EAR IXFIMARY. On the Square, Three Doors from Steele's Hotel,) WILKKSBARItE, PA. THIS INSTITUTION is now opened and fur nished in the most costly style. Reception, Private and Oper. ting Rooms are large, convenient :nd well adopted The Surgical apartment contains ihe finest collection of instruments in the country, and thus his faculties will enable him to meet any and all emergencies in practice. He will operate apon all the various forms of BLINDNESS. Cata ract, Oceluon of the Pupil, Cross Eyes. Closure of the Tear Ducta, Inversion of the Eyelids Pterygium ic. Ac. And will treat all forms of Soros, Eye 3ranul"d Lids. Opaceties of the Cornea, and Scrof llous diseases of the Eye together with all the dis aases to which the Eye is subject. DEAFNESS—WiII treat all the diseases common to the organ Discharges from the Ear, Noises in the Ear, Catarrh, difficulty of hearing, total Deaf ness even where the Drum is destroyed. Will in ert an artificial one answering nearly all the pur poses of the natural. DISEASES OF THE THROAT.—AII diseases lornmon fo the Throat and Nose will be treated., GENERAL SURGERY.—He will operate upon Clubfeet, Hair Lip, Cleft Pallate, Tumors, Cancers, Enlarged Tencils, Ac. Plastic operations by heal ing new flesh into deformed parts, and general Sur gery of whatever character it may present. HERNIA (or RUPEURE)—He will pcrfrom "La bias operation for the radical (complete) euro of Hertfia, this is unquestionably a perfect cure, and is done with little or no pain. Out of many hun dred operated upon in Boston there has Wen no failures, it having met the perfect approbation of all who have submitted to it* ARTIFICIAL EYES—WiII insert artificial Eyes giving them the motion and expresion of the natur al They are inserted with the least pain, HEDORRHOLDL, (Pies)— This troublesome dis ease is readily cured, Those suffering from it will do well to call. Dr Up De Graff visits Wilkos-Barre with a view up a permanent Institute for the treat ment of the Eye, Ear and General Surgery. The experience of more than a quarter of a century in Hospital and general practice, ho hopes, will bo a sufficientguarantee to those who may be disposed to try them. GfiOTESTEEJr& CO" Piano-Forte MANUFACTUR R'S 499 Broadway . NEW-YORK Tho attention of the public and the trado is invi ted to our new scale 7 octavo rosewood piano fortes which for volume nnd purity of tone arc unri valled by any hitherto offered in this market, They contain all the modern i nprovoments. French Grand action, haip pedal irow frame over-strung brass, Ao, aß'l eaeh lintrimiont being m ids under tho personal supervision of Mr. J. 11. Grovesteon, who has had a practical experience of over 30 years in their manu facture,is luily warranted in ovory particular. Tlffl 'GROVESTEEN m®©-i©Kr!r Yttrtveri the lilgheat reward ir MERIT OYER ALL OTHERS, jit THE CELEBRATED WORLD'S FAIlt Where were exhillted instruments from the best ma- I kers of Loudon, Paris, Germany, Philadelphia Bal timore, Boston and Now York i and also at tho American Institute for five successive years, the gold and silver m< dais from both ol which can be seen at our ware room. By tho introduction of improvements we make a ■till more |icrfeot Piano forte and by manufacturing largely, with a strictly cash system, are enabled to offer those instruments at a price which will preclude competition. PRICES— Nb. 1, Seven Octave, round oornerfl Rosewood plain case, §275. No. 2, Seven Octave, round corners, Roiewood heavy moulding §3OO, No. 3- Seven Octave, round oorneri. Rosewood Louis XIV style §325, Terms ; —Not Cash, in Currant Funds, Inp" Descriptive circulars seut free. "A. A C " 48 v4-n4G-l|"ear 1 1(1 OPEN AGAIN. The Grocery and Provision Store, on Stark' Brick corner, lately owned by T- B. Wall, has been purchased by the undorsignod, and will bo kept as a miwim provision store. His stock comprises TEAS, SUGARS,COFFEE.SALERATtTS, GINGER, NUTMEG, SPICES, RAISINS, FIGS, PRUNES, DRIED BEEF. SMOKED HALIBUT, CRACKERS, UHBJJSK, PpD FISII, MACKEREL, HERRING, and all other articles usually found in an establishment of the kind, which will be sold at LIVE, AND LET LIVE PRICES. RANSLER ROSS- Tunkhannock, June 28, 1865. v4n26 DR. TALBOTT'S PILLS. , (ANTI-DYSPEPTIC,) . Composed ot highly Concentrated Extracts from ' -. ROOTS AND HERBS, Of the greatest medicinal value, prepared from the oiiginal prescriptions of the celebrated Dr TAJ-BOTT, and used by biui with remarkable success for twenty years. Ail infallible remedy in all DISEASES OF THE LIVER, OB ANY DERAKUEMKNT OF THE Digest! V e Organ, lUEY CUBE Diarrhoea. Dyspepsia, Scrofula, Jaundice, Biliousness, Liver Complaint. The well-knowu Dr. MOTT says of these Pills : —"I have used the formula from which your Pills are made, in my practice for over 12 years . they hav the finest effect upon the Liver and Digestive Or gans of any medicine in the world, and are the moet perfect Purgative wliieh has ever yet been made by anybody. They are safo ano pleasant to take, but powerful to cure. Their penetrating properties stimulate the vital activities of the body, remote the obstructions of its organs, purifying the bleod, and expel disease. They purge out the foul humor which breed and grew distemper, stimulate sluggish or disordered organs into their natural action, and inparl a healthy tone with strength to the whole system. Not only do they cure the every day com plaints of everybody, Lut also formidable and dan gerous diseases, and being purely vegetable are free from any risk or harm. No person who has once used these Pills will ever be without them." They create pure blood aud remove all impurities from the system, hence are a positive cure for SEVERS, HEADACHE, PILES, MER CURIAL DISEASES AND HEREDI TARY HUMORS. DOSE—For adults, one l'ill in the morning; for children 8 years, half a Pill. Price One Dollar per Box. supplied, or sent by Mail, post paid, to any part of the United States or Canadas on receipt of price. No Gen uine without the facsimile signature of V. Mott Talbott. M. D V. MOTT TALBOTT & Co., No. 62 Fulton St., New York. v4-n4l ly. sumiM CELEBRATED ELASTIC BTITCH SEWING-MACHINE Wure awarded the highest Premiums over all Compclitovs, at the foUcnring Stale and County Fairs of 1803 NEW YORK STATE FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Manufacturing Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. INDIANA STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine for all purposes. First Premium for Machine Work. VERMONT STA7T: PAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Manufacturing Machine First Premium for Machine Work. OHIO STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine Work- IOWASTATE FAllt. K - First Premium for' Family Machine". Fiast PreinlnmfrtT Manufacturing Machine. First Premium for Mnchißl Work. ILLINOIS STATE FAIR. TF J • First Premium for Machine -for ALL pur PA s First Premium for Machine WO.k. KENTUCKY STATE FAIR. First Premium for, Machine fyr all purposes First Premium foi Machine Work. MICHIGAN STATE FAIR, First Premium for Family Machine First Premium for Manufacturing Maohlne. Kirst Premium for Machine.Work. PENNSYLVANIA STATE FA.IU.- First Premium for Manufacturing MnchiOo First Premium for Machine Work, OREGON STATE FAIR First Premium for Family Macnfhe. Flrsf Pr* "tltttt tan be made. It is a concentrated extract of Para Kareapatilla, so combined with ©thir substances of aul? greater alterative power tw to afford an effec tive antidote for the diseases Sarsapariila ia reputed to cure. It i believed that such a remedy ia wanted by those who Buffer from Strumous complaints, and that one which will accomplish their cure must prove of immenae service to tins large class of out afflicted fellow citizens. How completely this compound will do it has been proven by experiment on many of the worst eases to bo found of the following complaints: FCKROEULA ANL> SCAORILOU COMTLAINTS, EUUPTIONS AND BKCT RNRE DISSASBB, ULCERS, PIMPLES, BLOTCHES, TUMORS, SALT HHEIM, SCALU SVPHIT.IS AND SYPHILITIC ALF- A'EI'TIONS, hUItCURIAt.DUE.tMB, DKOPHT, NC RALOIA OR TIC DOULOUREUX, DEBILITT, DYS PEPSIA AND INDIGESTION, ERYSIPELAS, Rosa OR ST. ANTHONY'S EIRE, and indeed the whole class of complaints arising from IMPURITY er THB BLOOD. This compound will lie found a great pro moter of health, when taken in the spring, t* expel the foul humors which fester in the blood at that season of the year. By the time ly expulsion of them many rankling disorders are nipped in the bud. Multitudes can, by the aid of this remedy, spare themselves from the endurance of foul eruptions and ulcerous sores, through which the system will strive to rid itself of corruptions, if not assisted to do this through \he natural channels of the body by an alterative medicine. Cleanse out the vitiated blood whenever you find its impurities bursting through the skiu in pimples, eruptions, or sores; cleanse it when you find it is ob structed and sluggish in the veins ; cleanse it whenever it is foul, and your feelings will tell you when. Even where no particular disorder is felt, people enjoy better health, and live longer, for cleansing the blood. Keep the blood healthy, and all is svell; but with this pabulum of life disordered, there can be no lasting health. Sooner or later something must go wrong, and tlie great machinery si life is disordered or overthrown. Sarsaparilla has, and deserves much, the reputation of accomplishing these ends. But the world has been egregiously deceived by preparations of it, partly because the drug alone has not all the virtue that is claimed for it, but more because many preparations, pretending to be concentrated extracts of it, contain but little of the virtue of Sarsaparilla, or any tiling else. During late years the public have been mis led by large bo"ttles, pretending to give a quart of Extract of .Sar saparilla for one dollar. Most of these have been frauds upon the sick, for thev not only contain little, if any, Sarsapa rilla, but often no curative properties whatev er. Hence, bitter and painful disappointment has followed the u*e of the various extracts of Sarsaparilla which flood the market, until the name itself is justly despised, and has become synonymous with imposition and cheat. Still we call this compound Sarsaparilla, and intend to supply such a remedy as shall rescue the name from tho load of obloquy which rests upon it. And we think we have ground for believing it has virtue, vhich are irresistible by the ordinary run of the diseases it is intend ed to cure. In order to secure their complete eradication from tlie system, the remedy should be judiciously taken according to directions oa the bottle. PREPARED BY DR. J. C. AVER A CO. LOWELL, MASS. j Price, 81 per Bottle 5 Six Bottles for $5. Ayer's Cherry Pectoral has won for itself such a renown for the cure of every variety of Throat and Lung Complaint, that it is entirely unnecessary for us to recount the evidence of its virtues, wherever it has been em ployed. As it has long been in constant use throughout this section, we need not do more than assure the people its quality is kept up to the beet it ever has been, anu that it may be relied on to do for their relief all it has ever beeu found to do. Ayer's Cathartic Pills, FOR THE CURE OP Costivcncss, Jaundice, Dyspepsia, Indigestion, Dysentery, Foul Stomach, Erysipelas, Headache, Piles, Rheumatism, Eruptions and Shin Disease*, Li •er Complaint, Drojisy, Tetter, Tumors and Salt Rheum, I forms, O'ottf, Neuralgia, as a Dinner PiU, and for Purifying the Blood. They are sugar-coated, so that the most sensi tive can take them pleasantly, and they are ths best aperient in tlie world for all the purposes of a family physic. Price 25 cents per Box; Five boxes for SI.OO. Great numbers of Clergy men, Physicians, States men, and eminent personages, have lent theii names to certify the unparalleled usefulness of these remedies, but our space here will not permit the insertion of them. The Agents below named fur *nish gratis our AMERICAN ALMANAC in which they are given; with also full descriptions of the alxws complaints, and the treatment that should be fol lowed for their cure. Do not be put oft" by unprincipled dealers with other preparations they make more profit on. Demand AYER'N, and take no others. The sick want the best aid there is for them, and they should have it. All our remedies are for sale by F. C. Bunnell A Co., and J. W. Lyman A Co.. Tunkhannook, Sterling A Son, Sterlingville. also by oil druggists and dealers in medicines everywhere Great Improvement in Sewing iMachlnes EMPIR E JcUKSSfSMWS MANUALS Patented February 14th, 1860. SALESROOM 536 BROADWAY, N, Y. 200 WASHINGTON STREET, BOSTON. THIS MACHINE, is constructed on entirely now principles of mechanism, possessing many rare and valuable improvements, having been examined by the umsl profound experts, and pronounced to be SIMPLICITY and PKREIM TION COMIIINKD. It has a straight needle, perpendicular action, makes the "Look or Shuttle Stifch." which will "Neither llip nor Ravoi," and it is uliko on both sides 1 perforins period sewing on every description f muleiiol, from Leather to the finest Nausook Muslin, with cotton, linen or silk thread, from the coarsest to the finest number Having neither "Caui nor Cog - Wheel," and the Irast possible Diction, it runs us smooth as glass, and is RM I'N At (TALLY A NOISELESS MACHINE I IT requires fifty per cent less power to drive it thnn any olhei maehlne In the market. A girl twelve yeiirs of age esn work it stentlily, without fatigue or injury to health. Its strength sod "Wonderful Simplicity" of roe structlon tetolcis It almost Impossible to get out of order and Is guaranteed by the oom|mny to give entile satisfaction, We respectively invito all those who may desire to supply lliomerives with a iiiperlnr article, to lOiur and nxaUdoe tilts "I ntlvnlled Machine," Cue ha(t hoar's instruction Is *i\fftrUnt to rnuhlt any person Jo wo rh' m this Marhint to that snfir# sotlstnetton> II dig tout and Charitable Institutions will In libsr athj dsalt with, Agents tfnnted for ail Towns'ln the I'niled States whavt) Agents aru not already established, Also I"' Cuba, Mexico, Central ami South America, to whom u liberal discount will be given. T.J. MI ARTHUR & CO. lMUNi'U'l.Ii AGIiNTX IXI'AIIMHAUD K" raeusa, N. V, Jubo 11. l''owltr, IMilla., Semites'* itUulh A Co.. Pittsburg, Eunivst Axthelm, viuldly Ali 'J mo THE NJS'tt'til'S, DERII.ITATKD AND 1 DKisPONirteNT OF BOTH HKAKS. A great sufferer having beeu restored U) health in a lew days, after many years of misery, Uwiliiugto assist his suffering fellow-creatures by sending (free), on tlie rsceiptof u pud paid addressed mvulo|ie, a copy of the formula of cure employed. Directed to N JOHN M. DAONALL, Roz 183 Post Office. Brooklyn, v 4 a 44