Why do pioneers go befoie the Mtaj 1 To x ihnwty. It ie a mistake Co'rappoM Ovary BUB yOo toe with a brick in his hat to be a maaoa. A friend has a d>g so Tory serious that even his tail has not the least bit of a wag. Why is Stanton like an old Roree Shot ?■— Because he needs reirovtl. Why should Secretaiy Seward enjoy good health 7—Because tho Payne that hart him ie now dead. Why ia Jeff. Dasie like the Republicans of Pennsylvania ?—Because he is now bound to the Monroe doctrine, much agaiust bit will. THZRK ia a waterfall in the YoSemite Valley twentyeigbt hundred feet high.—lt i the admiration of all fashionable ladiea. ▲ printer in Ohio says they don't brag on the tin of their bebies out tbere,but they are, • most uncommon sure crop. • *** i tV Woman has found her true "sphere " at last ;it ie about twenty seven feet round made of hoops. i At Oapo May the other day, one of the belles, (shoddy of course,) exclaimed :"Lord, mar, 1 dropped my diamond ring in the gravy." | K WAlTOR—Please, sir, how will yon have yeur ateak cooked 7 Serious gentleman—.Well, done, good and faithful servant. Why is Secretarr Stanton like Booth tbr assassin ?—Because his lost performanae amis the tragedy at Ford's Theatre, and cuangea the locality of the comedy of errors. COMFASISON —We lately met a gvamarian, says a Califorina paper, who has just made a tour through the mines, conjugating thus .* "Positive, mine ; comparative, miner: super lative, minus I" says the first time he went courting he felt as if a pink angel had hauled him down a rainbow, with a piece of chain lightning, right smack into a pile of down. Soma malicious fellow, without tba fear of the fair sex before him, bat pennad the fol lowing : "Eve did not know as much as omt of her daughters of the present day. Had they been iu her place instead, they would have deceived the devil !" "Writ Tom,does your girl continue to love you V' "Yes, more than ever. She makes me presents." "What has she given yon lately 7" "Oh, she made me a present of my picture which I paid five dollars for before 1 gave ii to her. Breathes there a aaa with soal so dead, That never to himself hath said My County paper now Til take, Both for my own and family's sake. If sack thtre be, let him repent, And have the ''DBMOCIAT" to him seat; And if he,d pass s happy winter He m advance ahoald rar van Paiavaa. 1 •' ' **-*- U - Ai- : J ' ■' J "■ - BASMIONABLE TALK.—A lady thus address ed her servant iu the pre sen oo of a fashions hie party: "Mary, relieve that burning luminary of the superincumbent dross that bear* upon it." "Ma'am 7".said Mary, cjnfnsed at what her mistress could raeso. "Take," said the lady, "from that luminous body its superincumbent weight of coneoase carbon." "Ma'am 7" repeated Mary. "Snuff the candle, you bossy," exclaimed the lady, inuignantly. Wagg went to the depot of one of our rail roads the other evening, and finding tha boat ear full, said in a loud tone— "Why, this car isn't going," Of eourso these word* caused a general stampede, and Waggs took the beat Mat— The cars soon moved off. In the midst of the indignation, the wax was questioned. "You said this car wasn't going{7 "Wall, It wasn't then ; but it is now." Tha "told" laughed a little—but Waggs came rather near a good thrashing. CHAKLXY W ,manly tittle fellow of five years, fell and cut his up{*r lip so badly that a surgeon had to be sotnmnned to sew op the wound. He sat in his Mother's lap during tha operation, pale, but very quiet', resolutely shutting back his tears and moans. In her diatreas, the yoong mother could not refrain from saying "Ob, doctor. I fear it win leave a disfigured scar 7" Charley looked up Into her tearful face and said, h*comfort iag tons, "ill ft mind mamma, my moo. tackt wtU cover it!" 4 ; - .,yi • • * ' • - Jooea and Brown warn talking lately of a young clergymen whose preaching they had heard that day. The sermpn was like acer tain man mentioned in a oertain biography, ,i vOry poor and eery pious." "Whatdo you thiok of him 7" ingulfed Brown. "I think," said Jooea, "ho did aneb better two jeara ago." r' Why, ha didn't pnaah at all than," mid > "True," replied Joae* * • what I WANTED! 100,000 M en and Women to call, and examine for themselves, the new and splended stock of SPRING & SUMMER Goods, -AT THE HEAD QUARTERS for Good bargains. Hallstead Howe. Have just opened a large and well selected stock of goods at the store formerly occupied by 0. L. Hallstead & Son at NICHOLSON DEPOT where can be found the handsomest and cheapest stock of g< ods in the country, consisting of foreign and do mestic DRY GOODS! Cloths, Cassimeres, Muslins, Sheet ings, Ticking, Calico's Delanes, Flannels, and all kinds of Mourning Goods. Alnaccas, Black Silks, Ginghams, Balmoral and Skeleton Skirts, Canton Flan nels, Nankeen, and Carpeting of all kinds 0 M nil BUI of Rhyme inipire my eoag, A nd lead to me thy soaring wing, Xjeait while I plod, the thoughtless throng L ed 00 by some false God or King, Seek in vain, the place to And, T hat satisfaction gives human kind, £1 aeh strives the favored goal to eeek, A. nd struggling on with might and main. X) elves deep ia earth, o'er oceans sweep, -A nd follows mammon's motly train, AT L 1 oath whose gilded palace lies 0 estimation to her votaries. Hearken wea-yons, let wisdom speak. O ft eh e's hinted, now she vows; £ 144 920 Henryrillel2.27 6.29 § 2.00 935 Oakland 12.11 6.14 " 218 9.52 Porks 11.53 6.29 2 2 238 10.11 Tobyhanna 11 34 541 J W 25210 24 Gouldsboro 11.20 6.25a 3.16 1046 Moscow i 0 57 5 C7® h 3,27 10.58 Dunning 10,47 4.5& C 3.40 Greenville 10.35 ....Jj w 4.20 11.45 SCRANTON 1015 430 4.42 .~. Clark's Summit...- *9 38 .... 450 12.15 Abington 9.30 350 5.06 1231 Factoryvilte 9.14 3.35 526 1251 Nicholson. 8,60 3.12 5.48 1.13 Hophottom 833 267 6.10 135 Montrose*. 8.10 236 6.31 156 New Milford 7.49 217 650 2ln Great Bend ...... 7,30 2,00 P.M. A M A.M. P.M CONN ECTlOXS—Westward. The MORNING TRAIN from Naw York con nects at MANCNKA CHUS K with ihe train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Depot) at 7 30 a. m and at GREAT BENDsritb the through Mail Train on the Erie Railway, with sleeping car attached, stopping at all the principal stations on that road, and arriving at. Buffalo at 6 10 a, m THE EVENING TRAINS from New York een nects at MANUNKA CHUNK with the train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Lepot,) at 330 p. m at GREAT BEND with the Night Express oc the Erie Railway, west, arriving at Buffalo at 1;42 p m. Eisiward. The MORNING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects th re with the Cincinnati Express on the Erie Railway from the West; at Manunka Chu k with a train for Philadelphia and intermediate stations, arriving in Philadelphia at 0.30 p. m.' and at New Hampton with a train for Eaaton. Bethlehem, Al lentown, Reading and Harrisbnrg, arriving at Har ris burg at 8-30 p. m. The EVENING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects there with the New York Express on the Ex press on the Erie Railway from th# West; at Ma nunka Chunk with a train which runs to Belvidere where it lies over until 6 o'clock the next morning, and at New Hampton with an Express Train fir A*ston, Bethlehem. AUeutown, Residing and Har risbnrg At SCRANTON, connections are made witl trains on the Lackswsn'.a and Bloomshnrg Rail roan to and from Pitteton, Kingston, Wilkeebarre. Berwick, Bloomshorg, Danville, Northumberland Harriaburg end intermediate stations, and with rains on the Delaware and Hudson Railroad to and from Carbondale and intermediate stations WATTS COOKE, Bupt. R- A. HENRY, General Ticket Agent je29tf 6*AW>i EYE AND EAR INFIMAR Y. On the Square, Three Doors from Steele's Hotel,) Wl |.K SBAKKK. IJATUIS1 JA TU1S INSTITUTION is now opened and fur nished in the most costly style. Reception. Private and Oper ting Rooms are large, convenient :nd well adopted The Snrgi>-al apartment contain* she finest collection ol instruments in the country, and thus his faculties will enable him to meet any inJ all emergencies in practice. He will operate lpon all the various forms of BLINDNESS. Cats ract, Oceluon of the Pupil, Cross Ey s Closure of the Tear Ducta, Inversion of the Eyelids Pterygium fcc. Ac. And will treat all forms of Sor -s, Eye 3ranuld Lids. o| the organ Discharges from the Ear, Noises in the Ear, Catarrh, difficulty oi hearing, total Deaf aess even where the Drum is destroyed. Will in isrt an artificial one answering nearly all the pur coses of the natural. DISEASES OF THE THROAT.-All diseases •omnion to the Throat and Nose will be treated. GENERAL SURGERY*—He will operate upon Clubfeet, Hair Lip, Clett Pallate, Tumors, Cancers, Enlarged Tencila, Ac. Plastic operations by heal ing new flesh into deformed parts end general Sor cery of whatever charac er it may present. HERNIA (or RUPEURE) —He will perfrom "La bias operation for the radical (eoropl. te) cure of Hernia, this is unquestionably a perfect cure, and is done with little or no pain. Out of many hun dred operated upon in Boston there has bean no failuras, it having met the perfect approbation of all who have submitted to it. _ ARTIFICIAL EYES—WiII insert artificial Eyes giving them the motion ana expresion of the natur al They are inserted with the least pain, HEDORRHOLDL, (Plea) -This troublesome dis ease is readily cured, Those suffering from it will do well to call. Dr Up De Graff visits Wilkos-Barre with a view of building ap a p rmanent Institute for the treat ment of th* Eye, Ear and General Surgery. The experience of more than a quarter of a century in Hospital and general practice, ha hopes, will be a sufficient guarantee to those who maybe disposed to try them. GROVESTEEN~& CO., Piano-Forte MANUFACTURER'S 499 Broadway NEW-YORK 'T'he attention of the publio and the trade is inri- X ted to our new scale 7 octave rosewood piano fortes which for volume and purity of tone are unri valled by auy hitherto offered in this market, They contain all the modern i aprorements. French Grand action, harp pedal iron frame over-strung brass, Ac, and evh instrument being m ide under the personal supervision of Mr. J. H. Grovesteen, who hug had a practical experience of over 30 years in their manu- fully warranted in every particular. THE 'GROVESTEEN 3PI I!©® "J® 9 received the highest reward of merit OVER ALL OTHERS, JT TH CELE93 ATE D WORLD' AI R Where were etfcilited instruments from the best ma kers or Paris. Germany, Philadelphia Bel rimore, Boston ,nd N'W York; and also at the American Institute for five successive years, the gold and silver med.ils from both of which can be seen at our warn room. By the introduction of improvements we make a still more perfec Piano forte and by manufacturing "V * ,tr,ctl J eMh , y* t *®. enabled to offer these natramente at a price which will preclude competition. r PRICKS—No. 1, Seven Octave, sound corners Rosewood plain case, 9275. ■ <*' | No 2, Seven Octave, round comers, Rosewood ' heavy moulding 9300. • v N i* l'r^ Ten O- tare round corners. Rosewood Louis XIV style 9325, w T*" B * '—Net Cash, in Current Funds, "eat frm •Mw2 **c, OPEN AGAIN, The Grocery mod Provision Store, on Stark' Brick corner, latoly owned by T B Well, her been purchased by the undersigned, end will be kept me a curat HI reran smt Hie stock comprises TEAS SUGARS.COFFEE.SALERATUS, GINGER, NUTMEG, SPICES, RAISINS* FIGS, PRUNES, DRIED BEEF. SMOKED HALIBUT. CRACKERS, CHEESE. COD FI>B, MACKEREL, HERRING, and all other articles usually found in ao e8 -abluhment of the kind, which will be sold at LIVE, AND LET LIVE PRICES. RANSLER ROSS. Tonkhannock, June 2b, 1865. v4n26 DR. TALBOTT'S PILLS. r disordered organs into their nataral action, and inpart a healthy tone with strength to the whole system. Not only do they cure the every day com plaints of everybody, bat also formidable and dan gerous diseases, and being purely vegetable are free from any risk or harm. No person who has once used these Pills will r< r be without them." They create pure blood and remove all imparities fron the system, hence are a positive core for FEVERS, HEADACHE, PILES, MER CURIAL DISEASES AND HEREDI TARY HUMORS, Doss—For adults, our Pill in the morning; for children 8 year?, half a Pill Price One Dollar per Box. supplied, or tent by Mail, post paid, to any part of the United States or Canadason receipt of price. No Gen uine without the facsimile signature of V. Mott Talbott. M D V MOTT TALBOTT * Co., No. 62 Fulton St., New Tork. v 4 n4l ly. HARDWARE & IRON HUNT bro'S ft BLAIR NOW OFFER FOR ALE i IRON, STEFL, NAILS AND SPIRES MINE RAIL, RAILROAD SPIKES, ANVJLS BELLOWS, PLAIN KC( NVEX ' HORSE-SHOES. HAM MERED HORSE NAILS. WROUGHT IRON, BDILOHS' EA&BTR i CARPEN TERS' TOOLS, (ALL WARRANTED,) HUBS, SPOKES, FELLOES, SEAT SPINDLES, CARRIAGE SPRINGS, AXLCS. PIPE BOXES, SPRING STEEL, BOTTS, NUTS, WASH ERS BELTING, PACKING, GRIND STNES; PLASTER PARIS, CEMENT, HAIR, SHOVELS, WHITE LEAD FRENCH WINDOW GLASS, Ac., Ac. | ALSO SASH, DOORS AND BLINDS ON HAND IN ASSORTMENT AND MANUFACTURED 10 ORDER LEATBEER AND FINDINGS FALBBAK'S SALES. araotou March 26. 1863. vln33— FRUITANI) ORNAMENTAL TREES I Shrubs, Vines, &c AT OLD PRICES. We, the subscribers, take this method of informing the public that we are prepared to furnish first class Nursery Stock at original prices before the war. The Stock embraces the BEST FRUITS of all kinds, and choicest SHRLBS and VINES, that out be grown in thia latitude, ro uprising Apples, Pears, Plums, Quinces, Cherries, Apricots, Nectarines,Crab apples, Gooseberries,Currants,Rasp berries, Mulberries, Rhubarb or Wine Plant, Grapes, Flowering Bhrubg,; Evergreens, and Ornamental Trees an i Flowers, all varieties, All oners fr>m all parts of Wyoming tnd adja cent Counties will receive special attention. ■ They would call p irticutur attend n -to ther 'is sortment of GRAPES and small Fruits, and to tie fact that they can furnish everything as low a any other reliable dealer Poet Office address, Providence Lnaerne Co., Pa. NE"W CABINET " -AND- O HA I n manufactofTy ! The subscriber has just opened n new Furniture Cabinet and Chair Manufactory in Tnnkhnnnock, next door to C. M. Koon's grocery store— where nre kept on hand and manufactured to order: TABLES of all sixes, patterns, and styles. CHAIRS Cane-seat, Flag-bottom, and common. BUREAUS of all styles, sires, and prices. | BEDSTEADS, Cottage and common. CENTRE TABLES, WORK STANDS, BOOK CASKS, and indeed every thing which can be found ia the largest furniture establishment* in the country, which he will sell at prices as low as they can be bought in any town outside of the cities. Being sat isfied that he can compete, both in workmanship and prices with any astnblishment in the country, he oo tid ts the puhlie patronage. REPAIRING of ail kinds done ia n neat, substan tial and workmanlike manner. N. B. —Old cane-seat chairs, new-seated and re paired. UNDERTAKING.—Having • Hearse of his own and having had muoh experience, he wiH attend this department of the business on short notice and in a satisfactory manner. ABRAHAM HAAS. July 16,1862. —vln49ly CROCKERY!!!; A Large Btock just Opened AT T - L. ROSS CP'S., WALL PAPER. WALL PAPER. WALL PAPER. WINDOW SHADES. WINDOW SHAD ES. WINDOW SHADES . OF ALL STYLES. CLOTH SHADES Wl'i U BORDERS (JLOTH SHADES WITH BORDERS. FIXTURES AND ROLLERS,COMPLETE FIXTURES AND ROLLERS COMPLETE EMRROIDERED MUSLIN CURTAINS. EMBROIDERED MUSLIN CURTAINS IMBROiDERED MUSLIN CURTAINS. ALSO Litrge Stock of White Goods: SWISS MULS DOTTED SWISS MUSLIN. BRILLIANTS, JACONETS, LACES, BALMORAL SKIRTS, SPRING SKIRTS. GLOVES, REAL ALEXANDRE'S KID And a Large Stock of YANKEE NOTIONS. Iron, ails, White-Lead, Zinc, Linseed Oil, Glass, Putty, Door-Locks* and a genera assortment of BUI.CfcRSHARDWBARE, Fish, of all kinds. Casb. Paid for all kinds of Grain. Tunkhannock, March, 9th 1864. GrJFt. AT SAXxXS. OF WATCHES & JEWELRY, • 1,000,000, WORTH To he disp >#ed of at ONE D. wlrMt • in/miHSHB XlSmmti flß^s -unoi* . luffv iff mman■ * ' *Jv B|M| N Jg M|| ** * ' mil K CELEBRATED ELASTIC STITCH SEWING-MACHINE IFer? awarded, the highest Premiums ever all Competitors, f fAe /.Mowing Stale and County Fairs of 1863 NEW YORK STATE FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Maiofacturing Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. INDIANA STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine for all porpeeee. First Premium for Machine Work. VERMONT STATE FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Manufacturing Machine First Premium for Machine Work. OHIO STATE FAIR. First Premium for Maehine Work. lOWA STATE FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine- Fiaat Premium for Munnfactu ing Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. ILLINOIS STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine for all purpe e First Premium for Machine Work. KENTUCKY STATE FAIR. First Premiam for Machine for all purpose# First Premiam for Machine Work. MICHIGAN STATE FAIR, First Premium for Family Machine First Premiam for Manufacturing Machine. Eirst Premium for Machine Work. PENNSYLVANIA STATE FAIR First Premium for Manufacturing Machine First Premium for Machine Work. OREGON STATE FAIR. First Premium lor Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. CHITTENDEN Co. Ma ohinea'comprise the HHSHF.IT IMPROVEMENTS IN RMS SEWING MACHINE ART. VII !• Each MACHINE is GUARANTEED to give bettor saus taction than any other Se winfi Machine in Maiket or money refunded. 2. They have taken mauy ef the HIGHEST PREMIUMS at the most important EXHIBITIONS and rams ever held in the Unitee States 3. Thev make the LOCK STITCH alike on both aides thus string more than half the thread and 41k used in tfa raveling ridge seams eft he loen-stiarh and single thread Sewing Machines. > . „ 4. They:are adapted to the widest rnon af heavy and light at wing. 6. They have no rattling wires, or deliesle at tachment to keep in repair. s.tThey require no taking apart to elesa or oil M* up Lemons" to set Jtoedln. regular tenth* he operate Machine, Please cell end eta mine and demonstrate as vourwlf, or send ior enter us with samples ef n> ' _ PULE * LYOW If p FM IROADWAT