Ipsttllaitfflus, PRINTING OFFICE RULES. Make a noise when you come ID SO that the e3itor will know you are around. Button hole the editor and tell him some 1 ,ug winded pointless story; speak loud ; when you hear the "typos" rap on their cas es. that means "louder." If there are any "clippings" on the editor's table, look them over and carry off what you like. Be around when the mail comes in and open the packages, and bo sore and carry off all the readable exchanges. This is impor tant. j Pick tip everything you see and examine it. Look over the editor's shoulder when he i 8 wilting : he may be writing something pri vate, not for publication, and in that case you wouldn't see it, you know. If you chew tobacco, spit no where but on the stove, unless you get a good chance at the editor's boots. As 6oon as the editor's chair is vacated you must seize and occupy it; if he objects, tell him he is "standing matter/' and for the sake of the joke he will forgive you. Go into the composing room and pick out type from the cases and mix them; it will make you popular with the compositors. When the press is running, stand around that, your society is so desirable at that time. Follow the rules closely and the editor will feel so delighted with your society, likely as not he will ask you to leave. BLESSED. Blessed is he who does not make a cent for ho will have no income tax to pay. Blessed is the bald headed man, for h s wife cannot pull hi 6 hair. Blessed is the homely man, for the girls shall not molest him ; yes, thrice blessed is he, for when he asketh a lady to dance she shall answer him, saying, "I am engaged fo the next set." Blessed is he who polishes his boots and not his morals, who maketh the outside of his head to shine, and neglecteth the inside there'f, for all the girls shall rise up with smiles at his coming and shall call him beau tiful. Blessed is the man who hath no brains.but brass in abundance,for he shall be the ladies' favorite. Selah ! Blessed is the man who giveth many and costly presents to young ladies,for great shall be his reward—in a horn- Blessed is the man who is always broke, for no man saith unto him. lend me five dol lars. . * Down in a shop in Delaware the men of ten try to get ahead of each other in the way of hard yarns, but i( is hard to beat Aleck.— One of the men the olhrr day, who had been on the Ohio, who was speaking of the light draught of Home of the Meatr rs out there, when old Uncle Bill spun a ioug yarn übou' a steamer be saw down country that could g<> over any rueadow with a light dew on it. When he had finished, Aleck eatne in with— "Oh that is nothing. When I was work ing at Sara Harlan's last summer, he launch ed a steamer lor Morgan that did'nt touch the water by an inch and three-quarters. An old gentleman who believed in exer cise more than drugs, and who choose horse back riding as the most convenient exercise, on a recent occasion wa6 asked by a medical friend which physician and apothecary he employed, to which he replied : "My physi cian.has always been a horse and my apothe cary an ass." What strange things some girls are ! Off er one of them good wages to work for you, and ten chances to one if the old woman can . spare any of her girls ; but just propose mat rimonv, and see "if they don't jump at the very chance of working a life-time for board and clothes. An unsophisticated countryman, the other day, couung to Washington, saw a military officer, followed at a respectful distance by two orderlies, in full gallop. "Good gra cious," said he, "haven': they caught him yet 7" I was in about three weeks ago, and they were a running arter him then.,' "Mother," said Jemima Spray to her ven erable maternal relative, "Sana Flint wants to come courting me to-night." "Well you jade, what did you tell him 7" "Oh, I told him he codld cotne ; 1 wanted to see haw the darrCd fool would uct 1" WHILE the late and lamented elephant II n. nihal was passing thruugh Maryland an an cient colored lady, who had never seen an el ephant. met him on the road, and throwing tip her hands in admiration, she exclaimed "Bre6e de Lord, what things they do get up fur dis war^ Ey An Irishman just from the sod was ratine some cheese, when he found to his dis may, that it contained living" inhabitants. "Bejabers," said he .your chaze in this country be after having childer ?" * THE following is written aga.notice on car junning on a railroad in thtitottfyern part of New Yoik . "Passengers are reqnested not get off the cars to snow-ball whilo the tram is under full headway." " * A young lady of California recently broke' her neck while resisting an attempt of a young man to kiss her. This furnishes a 'earful warning to young ladies. 100,000 Menand Women to call, and examine for themselves, the new and splended stock of SPRING & SUMMER Goods, -AT THE HEAD SUABTERS for Good bargains. Ilallstead & llowc. Have just opened a large and well selected stock of goods at the store formerly occupied by O. L. Hallstead & Son at NICHOLSON DEPOT where can he found the handsomest and cheapest stock of goods in the country, consisting of foreign and do mestic DRY GOODS! Cloths, Cassimcres, Muslins, Sheet ings, Ticking, Calico's Delanes, Flannels, and all kinds of Mourning Goods, lpaccas, Black Silks, Ginghams, Balmoral and Skeleton Skirts, Canton Flan nels, Nankeen, and Carpeting of all kinds H nil muse of Rhy e inspire my song, -A. nd lend to mo thy soaring wing, while I plod, the thoughtless throng JL< cd on by some false God or King, k-7 eek. in vain, the place to find, I hat satisfaction gives human kind, ach strives the favored goal to seek, A nd struggling on with might and main. D elves deep in earth, o'er oceans sweep, A .1 nd follows mammon's niotly train, VT E 1 eath whose gilded palace lies I estruetion to her votaries. Hearken wea*yone, let wisdom speak. Oft she's hinted, now she vows; * orth of your money do you seek V' 1-y J re it's too late, go to HALSTEAD & IIOWE'S. HATS & CAPS [ Notions $ Varieties. Com prising Ho siery,Gloves,Thead Buttons, Suspenders, Neckties, Collars, Hand kerchiefs, //air Brushes, Tooth Brushes, Gum, Ribbon and Cords, Tape, Crotchet braid, worked collars, fancy head dresses tidy cotton, carpet binding combs, fancy soaps, Carpet bags, trunks, Valises, U mbrellas, Blank Books, Paper Envelopes &c., &c. &c., Hardware of all kinds, such as Nails, 77inges, Screws, Boor Latches and Knobs, Locks and CUTLERY of every de scription. Also Dyes Drugs, Paints, Varnish es, Fish Flaxseed and Penzine Oils, Glass, Putty, etc. Queens & Glassware Cf all kinds. Stone and Earthenware. A large Stock of Composed of sugar, coffee, teas, rice, cornstarch,Maccaroni, Barley, Bak ing powder, moln ses, soaps, candles, tobacco, and seg as, salt, fish, meat, cheese, &c. Also, a large variety of Bootsand Shoes, for Men, Women and Children, -<4ll kinds of Grain and Coun try Produce taken in exchange for Goods. Call and see for yourselves and we pasure you good bargains. 11. P. HALLSTEAD, J. E HOWE. Nichobon June 28,18f>5. vl-n4tj-ly EL.J.ACK A WESTERN fe. R Summer Arrangement—l Bos, PASSENGER TRAINS LEAVE WESTWARD • | EASTWARD. "j Morning ! Evtn'g | STATIONS j Mom'f- j Evening l Traju f Tra : nj , I Tram | Xcain. A. M | P.M. | |A. M. |P. M. POO 400 New York 5.20 10.30 . 11.25 7.05 Now Hampton • ••■ 2.35 S '2T ' , 1142 7.22 Washington 2,19 8.11 i 1151 7,34 Oxford 207 8.00 12 $0 8-20 Dlaware 1.42 7,4077 £l2 40 8.29 Mount Bethel 1.17 7-lS 4^ < 12.55 8.45 Water Gap 102 7.00 3: 1.22 858 Stroudsburg 12*48 6.48 5 *5 1-33 910 Spragueville 1237 6-38> £ 144 920 Ifenryville 12.27 6.29 ® § 2.00 9.35 Oakland 12.11 6.14 £ " 2.18 9.52 Forks 11.53 5.29 3 3 238 10.11 Tob\hanna 11 34 5.41 W 252 10.24 Goul.lsboro 11.20 5.25d 9* 3.15 1046 Moscow 1057 5 t7^ fb 3,27 10.53 Dunning 10.47 4.5 3.10 Greenville 10 35 J2 W 4.20 11.45 SCRAN TON 10 15 430 4.42 Clark's Summit-•• • 9.38 • ••■ 450 12.15 Abington 9.30 350 5.06 12.31 Faetoryvilte 9.14 3.35 52612 51 Nicholson B.FO 3.12 5.48 1,13 Hopbottom 933 257 I 6.10 135 Montrose 9.10 236 f, 6.31 156 New Miiford 7.49 217 650 215 Great Bend 7,30 2,00 r, M. A.M A, M. P. M CONNECTIONS—Westward, The MORNTNG TRAIN froqi New York con nects at MANUNRA CUFF K with ihe train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Depot) at 7 30 a. in and at GREAT BEND with the through Mail Train on the Erie Railway, with sleeping car attached, stopping at all the principal stations on that road, and arriving at Buffalo at 6 10 n, in THE EVENING TRAINS from New York con nects at MANUNKA CHUNK with the train leav ing Philadelphia (Kensington Depot,) at 330 p. m at GREAT BEND with the Night Express on the Erie Railway, west, arriving at Buffalo at 1:42 p m. Eastward. The MORNING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects there with the Cincinnati Express on the Erie Railway from the West; at Manunka Chu k with a train for Philadelphia and intermediate c fations, arriving in Philadelphia at 6.30 p. m.' and at New Hampton with a train for Fasten. Bethlehem, Al lentown, Reading and Harrisburg, arriving at Ilar risborg at 8-30 p. m. The EVENING TRAIN from Great Bend con nects there with the New York Express on the Ex press on the Erie Railway from the West; at Ma nunka Chunk with a train which runs to Belvidere where it lies over until 6o'clock the next morning, and at New Hampton with an Express Train fir Aaston, Bethlehem. Allentown, Reading and Her ri s! urg. At SCRANTON, connections are made with trains on the Lackawanr.a and Bloomsburg Rail roan to and from Pittston, Kingston, Wilkesbarre. Berwick, Bloomsburg, Danville, Northumberland Harrisburg and intermediate stations, and with rains on the Delaware and Hudson Railroad to and from Carbondale and intermediate stations W ATTS COOKE, Supt. R- A. HKXRY, General Ticket Agent. je29tf mm mr EYE Ay D EAR IS El MAR Y. On the Square, Three Doors from Steele's Hotel,) Wl LK < SBAKRE. l'A. TIUS INSTITUTION is now opened and fur nished in the most costly style, Reception. Private and Oper ting Rooms are large, convenient ;nd well adopted The Surgical apartinant contains •he finest collection of instruments in the country, and thus his faculties will enable him to meet any ind all emergencies in practice. He will operate tpon all the various forms of BLINDNESS. Cata ract, Oceluon of the Pupil, Cross Eyes. Closure of the Tear Ducta, Inversion of the Eyelids Pterygium fcc. &e. And will treat all forms of Soros, Eye Tranul°d I,ids. Opaceties of the Cornea, and Scrof ilous diseases of the Eye together with all the dis jases to which the Eye is subject. DEAFNESS- Will treat all the diseases common 0 the organ Discharges from the Ear, Noises in the Ear, Catarrh, difficulty of hearing, total Deaf aes even where the Drum is destroyed. Will in sert an artificial one answering nearly all the pur sps of the natural. DISEASES OF THE THROAT.-All dijense* •ominon to the Throat and Nose will be treated. GENERAL SURGERY. — He will operate open Club feet, Hair Lip, Cleft Pallate, Tumors, Cancers, Enlarged Teneils, Ac. Plastic operations by heal ing new flesh into deformed parts and general Sur gery of'whatever uharac er it may present. HERNIA (or KUl'EUßE)—He*will pcrfrom "La bias operation for the radical (complete) cure of Hernia, this is unquestionably a j>er!eet cure, and is done with little or no pain. Out of many huu dred operated upon in Boston there has been no failures, it having met the perfect approbation of all who have submitted to it. ARTIFICIAL EYES—WiII insert artificial Eyes giving thorn the motion and cxpresioo of the natur al They are inserted with the least pain, IIEDOURIIOLDL, (Pies) -This troublesome dis ease is readily cured, Those suffering from it will do well to call. Dr Up Ie draff visits Wilkos-Barre with a view of building up p nnanent Institute for the treat ment of the Eye, Ear and deneral Surgery. The experience of more than a quarter of a century in Hospital and general practice, he hopes, will be a fficientguarantee to those who may be disposed lj\- him oyuai USti4 GROVESTEEN & CO., Fiano-Forte MANUFACTURER'S Broadway NEW-YORK The attention of the public and the tradd is invi ted to our new scale 7 octave rosewood piano fortes which for volume and parity of tone are unri valled by any hitherto offered in this market, They contain all the modern 1 uprovcmcnts. French Grand actioD, harp pedal iron frame over-strung brass, Ac, and e?i-h instrument being m vde under the personal supervision of Mr. J. 11. Grovesteen, who has had a practical experience of over 30 years in their manu facture, is fully warranted in every particular. THE 'GROVESTEEN received the highest reward of MERIT OVERALL OTHERS, At THE CELEBRATED WORLD'S FAlfe Where were cxhilifed instrtimbnfs frfiln (he best ma kers of London, Paris. Germany, Philadelphia. Bal timore, Boston and Niw York ; and also at the American Institute for five successive venrs, the g Id and silver medals from loth of which can be seen at our ware room. By the introduction of improvements we make a still more perfect Piano forte uud by manufacturing la rgely, with a strictly cash system, are enabled to offer these 'ngtruments at a price which will preclude competition. Pit'CES. No. 1, Seven Octßve, round corners Rosewood plain caso, $275. No. 2, Seven Octave, round corners, Rosewood heavy moulding S3OO. No. 3- Seven Octave round corners. Rosewood Louis XIV style $325, Terms ; —Net Cash, in Current Funds, Kf Descriptive circulars sent free. "A. AC" 43 v4-n46-lyear AA C, 1! SB SHIK MUMS. Our LETTER A. FAMILY SEWING MACHINE s last gaining a world-wide reputation. It is be yond lOBrUt the beftenii cli#ait adß* moaebeautlful of ali Mini I v Sewiiig Machine- yet offered to the public. No other Family Sewing Machine has so many useful appliances for Hemming, Binding, Fell ing, Tucking, Gatherings Gwaging, Biaidiog, Em broidering, Cording, and so forth. No other Family Sowing Machine hap so tnnoh capacity, for a great variety of itolk ilt will gew all kinds of cloth, and with all kinds of thread. Great ana recent im provements make our Family Sewing Machine most reliable, bad most) durable, and most certain in ae tion at nil rates efwpced. It makes the iuterlooked j stitch, which is the best stitch known. Any one, ev en of the most ordinary capacity, can see, at a glance, how to use the letter A. Family Sewing Machine.— Our FaniUy Sewing Machines are finished in chaste and exqniaite atyle. The Folding Case of the Family Machine is a piece of cunning workmanship of the most useful kind. It protects the machine when not in use, and j wh.en about to be operated may be opened as a spa cious and substantial table to sustain tne work.— While some of the Cases, mtule, out, of the choicest woods, a*e finished in the simplest and chsatestTnan ner possible, others arc aoscs The Branch Offices are well supplied with silk twist, thread, needles, otl, Ac., of the very best qual ity. Send for 1 PAMPHLET. THE SINGER MANUFACTURING COMPANY. 458 Broadway, New York. Office, 810 Chestnut St. Mus. C. T. MARSH, ) . ~ . ~ , D. A. I! ARI'WELL, ' \ 3in riwra asiikv 1 —AND— Tin Sh.op. THE subscriber has just reoeiv.cd at his shop, over Uunknoon's Store, in MESHOPPEN PA., and will constantly keep on hand ail the latest IMPOVI COOKING SI S Among which are the " CALORIC," MINER and I "UNION" patterns, with PARLOR STOVES and I Heaters of every description, which he offers for Ready Pay at prices that will defy competition llis stoves are bought directly of the Manufactur ers at ALBANY, WILKFSBARRE. PROVIDENCE and SCRANTON. He is therefore enabled to sell hem at a small advance on the original cost TIN, SHEET-IRON, —AND- Copper Ware. all kinds on hand and made to order Also I'll', HACOX HONS, AND BLEICH SHOEB FOR SALE. The popular Cuokin t Stove, Forest Q, ne en, Elevated oven) is now for the first, offered at §2O for 8 inch, $25 for 9 nch. REPAIRING AND JOBBING neatly and promptly done. HENRY STANSBURY. Meshoppen, Dee 17th, IS62—v"2nl9ly. HARDWARE & IRON HUNT BO'S & SLAtR NOW OFFER FOR SaLE IRON. STEEL, NAILS AND SPIKES, MINE RAIL, RAILROAD SPIKES, ANVILS BELLOWS, PLAIN A CONVEX HORSE-SIIOES, HAM MERED HORSE NAILS. WROUGHT IRON, BUILD IS' lARB WARH. CARPEN TERS' TOOLS, (ALL WARRANTED,) HUBS, SPOKES, FELLOES, SBAt SPTS DJ.rs, C'ARRTA (ffs BRINGS,TxtES. PIPE BOXES, SPRING STEEL, BOTTS, NETS, WASH ERS BELTING, PACKING, GRiND STONES; PLASTER PARIS, CEMENT, HAIR, SHOVELS. WHITE LEAD FRENCH WINDOW GLASS, Ac., Ac., ALSO SASn, DOORS AND BLINDS ON HAND IN ASSORTMENT AND MANUFACTURED TO ORDER LEATHEER AND FINDINGS F ALBBAK'S SCALES. vaiit n. 2$ T663.< ; * . vln33— Manhood : how lost, how restored. "" fiSSSfc Just published, a new edition of Dr. Culver* Well's Celebrated Essay on the radio U euro (without medic.ine) ol SI'EHMATORBFLTKA, or seminal weakness, TnftiThnthry Seminal Losses. IMPOTENCY. Mental and Physical Incapacity, Impediments to Marriage, etc ; also, CoNSCMPWpH, EPILEPSY, and FITS, induced by self-indulgence or sexual extrava gance. u-Sf* Price, in a sealed envelope, only 6 cents. The cok-t r-ited author in this admirable essay clearly cmonstrutcs from n thirty years' successful practice, that- the alarming consequences of self abusl may be radically cured without the danger ous use of internal medicine or the application of the knife—pointing out a mode of cure at oDce simple, certain and effectual, by means of which every suf ferer, no matter oat his condition maybe, may cure himself cheaply, privately, and radically. I""fT This Lecture shuld bo in .(he hands of every youth and every man in the lan" Jirst Premium f,„ ll„ehi„e lor all purrmm, J irst I in mi imi for Machine Work VKK.MuXT STA TE FA I It. first Premium for Family Machine. KIR t ., retUlUin f : ,r Manufacturing M.vchine First I remium for Machine Work OHIO STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine WoA IOWA STATE FAIR. Fiw i p C " ii - ,in for F '" u! b- Machine, p;' rc,mum f"r Mnnufactu ing Machine ILLrNOWSTTTEF^r I ''" First Premium for Machine for all parnoe First Premium for Machine Work. KENTUCKY STATE FAIR. First Premium for Machine for all purposes- First Premium fm Machine Work MICIIIOAN STATE FAIR, First Premium for Family Machine First Premium for Manufacturing Machine First Premium for Machine Work. PENNSYLVANIA STATE FAIR First Premium for Manufacturing Machine First Premium for Machine Work. OREUON STATE FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. CIII n I.NDLN Co. (Yt.)Agr'lSoc. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Manufacturing Machine. First Premium fer Machine Work- FRANKLIN Co. (N. Y. )FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Manufacturing^Machine! CHAMPLAIN \ ALLEY (Vt.) Agr'l Soo. 4 HAMPIiFN Co. (MASS.)Agr'I Soc. Diploma for Family Machine. Diploma for Machine Work. WASHINGTON Co.(N. Y,)FAIR First Premium lor family Machine. QUEENS Co.(N Y. ) Agr'l Soc, Flirst Premium for Family Machine. First Premium tor Manufacturing Machine First premium for Machine Work. SARATOGA Co (N. Y )FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. MECHANICS' INSTITUTE (Pa.)FAIR First I reniiuui for Machine for all purposes. First Premium for Machine Work GREENFIELD (OPINION FAIR. ' First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. ' CLINTON Co (O)FAIR. Premium for F -unity Machine. 1 irst Premium for Machine Work. MONTGO.MEJ Y CO ( Pa. ) FA IR. First Preuimm for Machine for all pn -yorct. First Premium for Maceine Work. SAN JOAQVINCo (CaI.)FATR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. • SAN JOSE DISTRICT (Cab) FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. Fsist Premium lor Machine Work The aijove comprises all the fairs at which the (>HOIII:I> A II.VKI it >1 ACAINKS were exhibited tbie yea -. IV 11, RARNI S, Agent, Mehoopany, Pn. Sales-rooms, 195 Itroatlway, Naw York, 710 Chestnut S. Phi.'a ielphia Great Improvement in Sewing Machines. E M PI R ii Patented February 14th, 1860. SALESROOM 536 BROADWAY", N, Y. 200 WASHINGTON STREET, BOSTON. THIS MACHINE, is constructed on entirely new princplcso: mechanism, possessing many rare nod valuable improvements, having been examine! by the uiost profound experts, and pmnonnced to be SIMPLICITY and PERFECTION COMBINED. It has a straight needle, perpendicular aetioo, makes the "Lock or Shuttle Stitch." which Will "Neither Rip nor Ravel," and it is alike on both sides*; pcriorms perfect sewing on every description of material, from Leather to the finest Nartook Muslin, with cotton, linen or silk thread, from the coarsest to the Sneu number '■ Having neither "Cam nor Cog- Wheel," and the least possible friction, it runs as smooth as claw and is .. EMPHATICALLY A NOISELESS MACHINE ! It requires fifty per cent le.-s power to drlre it than unv other machine in the market. A girl twelve years of age can work it steadily, without fatigue or injury to health. Its strength and "Wonderful Simplicity" of con struction renders it almost impossible to get oat of order and is guaranteed by the company to give entire satisfaction. Me respectively invite all those who may desire to supply themselves with a superior article, to i come and examine this "Unrivalled Machine." I thie halt hour's instruction insufficient to enable any person to work this Machine to their entire satisfaction ' Religious and Charitable Institutions will be liber• ally dealt with. Agents wanted for all Towns in the United State* where Agents aro not already established, Also for Cnba, Mexico, Central and South America, to whom a liberal d-soouut will be given. T. J. McARTHUR & CO. A. & Co. PRINCiPI.K AGENTS EST AO LIS A ED. Syracuse, N. Y„ John 11, Fowler, Phila., Sanniento McGtath A Co.. Pittsburg, Earnest Axthelm, v4u46ly A fc C Sewing Machines F i KL E rLyo * NEW PATENT ROTARY FEED jewing Machines Hio following facts demonstrate that these Ma chuiea'comprise the HIGHEST IMCKOVLMENTS IN Tin SEWING MACHINE ART. vix.— 1. Each MACHINE is guaranteed to give Wetter satis faetion than any othsr Sew infi Machine in Market or money refunded. 2. They have taken many of the HIGHEST I'RTMI CMS at tho most important FwuaiTioss and raias ever held in the Unitoe States.' * 1 r 3. Thcv make the LOOK STrrcH'alike on both sides— thus sa.'ing more than half (he thread and silk used in lh- raveling ridge seams ofthe loop-stitfh and single thread Sewing Machines. 4. They are adapted to the widest range of hear and light st wing. • 5. They have no rattling wires, or delicate t --aehuient to keep in repair. G.tThey require no taking apart to clean or oil >7 no -Lessons" to set •needle, regula teiitoa operete Machine, Please call and oxamine and demonstrate or agurself, or send tor CIRCULAR with sample* of sew yo, FINKI-C & I, YON M- S. CD No. 533 LRU Al II'A Y N K WlO Ln VIL lily.