Mtssttllanttra. EST A bafriter,nit over young or band- ' aoinv, examining a young lady witness in ; court, and determining to perplex her said, '•Mite upon my word, you are very pretty /" The young lady promp'ly replied, "1 would return the compliment, sir, if I were not on oath." JEST a Boston storekeeper the other day i stuck upon his door the laconic advertisement ' A boy wanted" The next morning on opening the store, ho found a little urchin in a basket, labeled "Here he is. ' Fomr an inspection in the Stratford regis ter, it is found that Shakspeare's widow sub sequently married a shoemaker of the town, named Richard James. What is the difference between a cat and a catalogue f One has claws at the end of its ps ws and the other has pauses at the end tf its clauses. A gentleman walking with two ladies,step ped on a hogshead hoop, that flew up and struck him in the face. 'Mercy," said he, "which of you dropped that 7" Were we to thank God for every blessing, we should have no time to complain of mis fortune. Simpkins aoys it is the privilege of he-ops to surround the lovlieat of all things, among which are girls and whisky. Buffalo are becoming scarce in the Western hunting grounds. They have been so much disturbed of late by roving bands of Indian* that they are seeking mce retired homesteads lar away near the Rocky Mountains, THE ASSESSOR AROUND.—"Bob, that's a fine horse you have ; what is he worth 7"— "Three hundred and fifty dollars," "No ; not so much as that !" Yes ; every cent of it, and another fifty on top of it, Yes ; I'll swear to it." "All right." "What are you so inquisite for 7" "Merely for assessing purposes ; I am assessor for this ward, and only wanted to know what you valued your uag at." - . ■ . "Will you help tne out of this mudhoio 7" aaida traveling druggist, who had just been compelled to stop his team in a mudhole be cause they couldn't pull it out. "No I can't stop," said the Yankee who was heavily loaded and was fearful he W'-uld be late for the cars. "I would take it as a favor, besides paying you," said the druggist. "What are you loaded with," asked the Yankee. "Drugs and medicines," said he. U I guess I'll try to get you out, then, for 1 am loaded with tombstones." They were seen traveling together after that. We met a fool in the forest who had the audacity to ask the following conundrum : Why cannot the proprietor of this forest fell his own timber 7 We looked confounded Because no one allowed to cut when it is his own deal. A gentleman sat down to write a deed and began with, "Know one woman by these."— "You are wrong," said a by-stander : "i ought to be'know all men.' " "Very well," answered the other, "if ono woman knows it all men will of course." A person who dined in company with Dr. Johnson endeavored to make his court to him by laughing immoderately at everything he said. The doctor bore it for some time with philosophical indiflerance ; but the imperti nent ha, ha, ha, becoming intorible, "Pray, air," said he "what is the matter 7 I hope I have not said any thing that you can coropre bend." ABKRNETHY AND THE GROCER.— When Aberneihy was canvassing for the office of surgeon to St. Bartholomew's Hospital, he called upon a rich Grocer. The great man addressing him said, "I suppose, sir, you waDt my vote and interest at this moment o ous epoch of your life 7" "No I don't," eid Arberncthy, "I want a penny's worth of fiur; come, look sharp and wrap them. I want to be off," ''Call that a kind man," said one gen'le men to another, speaking of an absent ac quaintance, "a man whn is always away from bis family, and never sends them a farthing call that kindness 7" •' O ! certainly—unremitting kindness chuckled his waggish friend. IST St. Patrick'* Day was duly eelebra fred in the Army of the Potomac by the Iriah Brigade, the entertainments consisting of both horse and foot racing. Gen. Meade was present mat of the time, with nearly all the geoerat officers of the army. In boring for oil near Chicago last week, a subterranean lake was reached, at the depth of ab"tit 700 feet, from which the water flowa in a copious stream. C2C" A clergyman, catechising fhe youth of his church, |u' his first question from a catechism to a girl : "What is your consola tion in Me and in death 7" The girl rmtledj but did not answer. The elcrgynmn insisted. "Well than," said she, "sines I must tell, it is a yoong printer named P_ , in g piuce utrett. T\R. JS.L / L/CK. fcW,R.R. " i I Running Time of Passet ger Trains, Jun 2d- 1864. iOhlHlvAtU). | MOVE SOUTHWARD Accom- Passen I I Passen- Aecotn- I mod a- ger. j j ger. rnoaa- j lion. j . Hoc. P. M P. M. | I A M. P. M. | STATION'S I ~2 CO 6.40 "Gre.it Bend .777777 T4O ~2.20 ~ 1.35 6.21 New AlUford 7,59 2,45 1.00 6,00 Montrose 6,20 3,15 12,25 5,38 Hophottoui 8,41 3.50 11,50 5.16 Nicholson 9.00 4.25 11,20 456 Fsetoryvilte 9.24 515 10 '5 4,40 Ahington 9.40 6'40 10,40 4,32 Clark' Summit 9.48 6,00 10,10 4.10 SCRANTON 10,2G 6.30 A- M 3,42 Greenville 10,40 P M £!•••• 3.29 Dunning 10 52 ••••£? - •• 3,17 Moscow 11,02 ..••"'UI Q .... 254 Gouldsboro L 1,26 OS •••• 2.40 Tobybanaa 11.40 ••••Mi < 2.20 Forks 1 l;5o > •••• 202 Oakland 12,17 •• •• ° S •••• 146 Henryville 12,33 ••••® Q •••• 1,35 t Spragueville 12 43 ••••< < •• •• 1,24 Stroudsburg 12,54 •■••JJ W-... 1,03 Water Gap 1,08 •••• •••• 12,47 Mount Bethel 1,24 Jfcj,"** 12.35 Delaware 1,50 ••••2 12,10 "Mannnka Cbunk* 1.55 • ••• 12.02 Bridgeville 2,- 4 ••••js. • ••• 11,51 Oxford 2,15 ••••jS • ••• 11.38 Washington 2,28 •••• • ••• 11,20 New Hampton 2,45 •••• • ••• A- M. "Change for Phil.•• PM. •••• Passerger Ti alii Northward Leaves New Hampton on the orrivnl of the Mai Train whi"h leavs NEW YORKntB : OA M., and MAN'I'NKA CHUNK on the arrival of the Train which leaves PHILADELPHIA. Kensington De |n Railroads ; at Manun Cnu*k with the train for Philadelphia, and s New Hampton with Trains fur 2Vew York, the L high Valley, ilarrisburg, Ac. Passenger* by th Train arriTe in New York at 5.50, in Philadelpei at 6.30, and in Hamburg at 820 P M. The Accommodation Train Northward, connects at Great Bend with the Day 1 Express going West, by which passengers arrive a Ithaca and Syracuse the same day. Southward, haves Great Bend after the arrival o the New Yoik Express going East AH Passenger Trains on the Erie Railway stop at Great Bend. WATTS COOKE, Supt. R A HENRY*, Gen. Tkt Agert. A Li MODE. THE LATEST FROM NEW YORK. MRS. A. G. STARK*TAKES PLEASURE IN aga n informing her friends, and the ladies gen- i , that she has received, and is still receiving rail ye and well selected assortment oi FALL j) IFIKTER GOODS, Consisting of HATS. BONNETS. RI ONS FLOSSES, FEA I'HERS, LACES. HEAD DRESSES, and, in short all art 1 s usually found in a MILLINERY STORE. She solicits a call from all requiring GOODS in her line, before purchasing ilsewheie. Mrs Stark enn be found at the house formerly occupied by Hen ry Stark in the borough of Tunkhannock. ready and willing to serve all who may favor her with a call. MANTUA-MAKING. We have secured the services of an experienced DnESS-MAKEn, and at all times will be prepared to Fit and Make Dresses in the latest an l most approved manner.— Soliciting your calls before purchasing eliewheie, wc remain Yours, Reg| ectfully. MRS. A G STARK. April FR®iYs_g.PL© WEBS THE SUBSCRIBER HAS HAD IN SUCCESSFUL operation, for several years, a IMBSSI, ■AT TOWANDA, where all oi the most approvd and rare kinds of FRUIT At ORNAMENTAL TREES, Can be obtained. Being conv.nc l from experience that his Trees and Plants will jive far better satisfaction to the Fruit-growers o. Wyoming County than any grown in other localities, he confidently solicits their patron age. He will make annual visits either in person or by his agents to most of the townships of Wyoming Co , and asks only that his specimens may be examined and his method of dealing be tested ' Al! orders by letter orotherwise, for Trees,vines or t nt* will be promptly attended to. aodl-ly ]> HARK INS. EYE AM) EAR INFIMAHY. On the Square, Three Doors from Steele's Hotel,) 1 WILKf SRAHHE.PA. ' r FHIS INSTITUTION is now opened end fur ' 1 nisbed in the most costly style. Reception, Private and Oper ting Rooms are large, convenient tnd well adopted The Surgi a I apartment contains ibe finest collection oi ins'rumeiits in the country, and thus his faculut s will enable bun to meet any and all emergencies in pra. ti. e Ho will operate jpon all the various forms of BLINDNESS. Cat* ( raot, Oceluon of the Pupil, Cross Ly s Closure of '.ho Tear DoctavJqversion of the Eyelids Pterygium J he. Ac. And will treat all forms of Sor s, Eye 3rar>ul*d Lids. Opacities of the Cornea, and Acrof iloua diseases of the E> e together with all he dis * sases to which tbe Eye is subject. DEAFNESS- Will treat all the diseases common to the organ Discharges from the Ear, Noises in tho Ear, Catairh, difficulty o! hearing, total Deaf ness even whore the Drum is destroyed. Will in jert an artificial one answering uer.rly all the pur l ooses of tho natural. DISEASES OF THE THROAT.-All diseases , totruinn to tho Throat and Xoe will be treated i GENERAL SIRGERI * —He wil, operate upon j Clubfeet, Hair Lip, Cleft Pallate, Tumors, Cancers, Enlarged Tencils, Ac. Piastio operations by heal ing new flesh into deformed parts snd general Sur- I gary of whatever charac er it may present. HERNIA (or RUPEURE) Ho will,q>erfrcm ~ La -1 bias operation for the radical (eompl te) cure of k Hernia, this is unquestionably a perfect cure, and i is done with little or no pain. Out of many hun dred operated upon in Boston there has Uen no failures, it having met the perfect approbation of j all who have submitted to it. ARTIFICIAL EYES —Will insert artificial Eyas giving them the motion arm expresion of the natur i al They are inserted with the least pain, HEDORRHOLDL, (l'ies) -This troublesome dis . #as is readily cared, Those suffering from it will do well to call. , Dr Up be Graff visits Wilks-Brre with a view # of builduitf up n p rmanfuit Institute for the treat ment of tb- Ere, Er nnd General Surgery The > experience o; wore than a querter of a centnrv in , Hospital and general pra. lice, he bopes, will he a fficientguara,ntee to those who may be duioaed I Ik k'm j cyaai 966 4 THE SINGES SEWIE MACIIJIS. Our LETTER A FAMILY SEWING MACHINE t> fast filling a world-wide reputation It is be yond doubt tho best and cheapest and most beautiful ot all t■•mil/ Sewing Machines yet offered to the public No other Family Sewing Machine has so , many useful appliances for Hemming, Binding, Fell ing, Tucking. Gathering, Gunging, Bi aiding, Em- ! broider.ug. Cording, nni ■<> forth. No other Family Sewiug Mm hine has so much capacity for a great variety of wotk It will sew all kinds of cloth, and with all kinds ot thread. Great and recent im provements make our Family Sewing Machine most reliable, and most durable, and most certain in ac tion at all rates of speed. It makes the interlocked stitch, which is the best stitch known. Any one, ev en of the most ordinary capacity, cau see, at a glance, how to use the letter A. Family Sewing Machine.— Our Family nch, REPAIRING AND JOBBING neatly and promptly done. HENRY STANSBURY. Meshoppen, Dec 17th, 1862—v2n191y. HARD WARE & IRON pi MM HUNT BRO'S & BlaIR NOW OFFER FOR SaLE fRON, STEFL, NAILS AND SPIKES, MINE RAIL, RAILROAD SPIKES, ANVILS, BELLOWS, PLAIN A CONVEX HORSE-SHOES, HAM MERED HORSE NAILS. WROUGHT IRON. Mill IS' HIS till. CARPEN TERS' TOOLS, (ALL WARRANTED,) HUBS, SPOKES, FELLOES, SEAT SPIN DLES, CARRIAGE SPRINGS, AXLES. PIPE BOXES, SPRING STEEL, BOTTS, NUTS, WASH ERS BELTING, PACKING, GRIND STONES; PLASTER PARIS, CEMENT, HAIR, SHOVELS, WHITE LEAD FRENCH WINDOW GLASS, Ac., Ac., ALSO SASH, DOORS AND BLINDS ON HAND IN ASSORTMENT AND MANUFACTURED 10 ORDER LEATHEER AND FINDINGS flflß K'B SCALES. vrantoa. March 26, 1863. vln33— Manhood J how lost, how reutorcd. fiysssys Just published, a new edition of Dr. Cu'ver well's Celebrated Essay on the radio d cure | (without medicine) ot SPERMATORRHEA. or seminal Weakness, Involuntary Seminal Losses, IMPOTENCE. Mental an t Physical Incapacity, Impediments to j Marriage, etc ; also, CONSCMPTIOX, EPILEPSY, and FITS, induced by self-indulgence or sexual extrava gance. | I Price, is a aealed envelope, only 6 cents. The celebrated author in this admirable essay j clearly emonstrates from a thirty years' successful practice, that the alarming consequences of self abuse may be radically cured without the danger- J .us use of internal medicine or the application of the i knife—pointing out a mode of cure at once simple, certain and effectual, by means of which every auf> ferer. no matter oat his condition maybe, may cure himself cheaply, privately, and radically. 1 |y This Lecture should be in the hands of every youth and every man in the land. Sent,.tinder seal, in a plain envelope/ to any ad dress, pott paid, on receipt of six cents, two post ■tamps. Address the publisher). „ : . ClUs. J. C. KLINE A CO. ! *7 Bowery, Hew Yerk, Port Office box 4,5*6 v4-*2J.ly. JUT RECEIVED, I • !*— C .• ; •: PHILADSLPHAI -AND UN. ewYork, A Fl* L L A SS O R T M KN T O F DRESS GOODS, SHAWLS, CASSIMERS, ■ * ClotMngr, Shoe., Hats, Jam §mh t NOTIONS, Atv. itt, adapted to this Season' which will be sold at the VERY LOWEST MA KET PRICE, for Cash or Country Produce, at the Store of John Weil. Z9898*908" —AGAINST— FIRE! FIRE!! FIREI! ! Taken at this office, on all kinds of Town *nd Country property, at the MOST REASONABLE, TERMS, and for any time, from THREE MONTHS TO FIVE YEAR*—either WITH or WITHOUT PREMIUM NOTES Is the company reliable ? Will it promptly pay its honest losses? are the important inquiries with all insurers. We answer : THE LYCOMING CO INSURANCE COMPANY HAS BEEN IN SUCCESSFUL OPERATION FOR TWENTY-THREE YEARS.—IT HAS A WELL SECURED CAPIATL OF OVER *2,400,00 IT PAYS FROM *6O. TO *126,000 LOSSES A NNUALLY ALL LOSSES ARE PROMPTS ADJUSTED AND PAID. EACH INSURER IS FURNISHED WITH AN AUTHENTICATED ANNU NUAL STATEMENT OF EXPENDITURES AND OPERATIONS OF THE COMPA NY THE COMPANY IS CONDUCTED ON JUST AND EQUITABLE PRINCIPLES. THE CHARTER IS PERPETUAL. References Hon. Wm. M. Piatt, Hon. A. K Peekham, Henry Stark and Sauiuel Stark Esqs. ot '■his County; Sayer % Bros, of Susquohanna, and Jeorge M. Hollenback and others of Luzerne County, who insure in and hare -been paid losses by this, Company. HARVEY SICKLER, Agt. sImTTTHE FIELD MRS. BARDWELL Announces to the Ladies of Tunkhannock and vicini ty, that she has just received a fine ef Fall and Winter Millinery, at her rooms opposite the Pos -office, where can te touml in great variety, all the LATEST STYLES, - or- - BONNETS, HA FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. MECHANICS' INSTITUTE (Pa.)FAIR First Premium for Machine for all purpouea. First Premium forMachino Work, GREENFIELD (O)UNION FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. CLINTON Co (O)FAIR. F'rst Premium for Family Machine. First Premium for Machine Work. MONTGOMEJY Co.( Pa )PAIR. First Premium for Machine for all pa -poses. I irsr Premium for M.iceine Work. SAN JOA Ql'lN Co (Cal )FAIR. First Premium for Family Machine First Premium tor M ithine Work. SAN JOSE DISTRICT (Cal ) FAIR First Premium for Family Machine. _Fsist Premium lor M.ichino Work The com P rises a" the fairs at' w&.ff the GRODER A BAKER MACAINES were exhibited this year. Sa 7-i e nrE OO . in9 'c 49 J S Broadwa >. Turk, - Chestnut St. Philadelphia TO PROFESSORS OF MUSIC AMATEURS, AND THE MUSICAL PUBLIC GENERALLY,. f * P, A. WONDKHMANN FOREISN A AMERICAN MUSIC WAREHOUSE, 524 BMAS WAV, Having on hand the largest-stock of Foreign Mnaie in New York .which he imports from Europe express ly to meet the taste and requirements of the Ameri can lovers of Music. re>pectfully calls attention le the fact that be is now supp yiug Music ol Bvnrv Style at a Reduction of TWENTY-FIVE to FIFTY per cent, lees than any other house in the United States! Private Families can be supplied (post free ) by forwarding the cash to the above address ShoalA the amount of cash be forwarded exceed the ceste the Music, the balance will be promptly retnsaed in postage currrncy DKALEBS and Professors should not negleet tkte opportunity ; they will be liberally dealt with. N B—Any and every piece of Music (vosal er instrumental) published in Europe and Amerioa, will be supplied to order, if accompanied by the cash, ' Remember the Address, P. A. WUNDER M ANN Foreign and American Music Warehouse, Bba. Fox RATS, MICE, ROACHES, ANTS, BED Bess MOTHS is FURS WOOLENS, AC,, INSECTS ON PLANT FOWLE, ANIMAL*, AC. Put up in 25c. 50c. and SI.OO Boxes. Bottles, and Flasks. $3 and 85 sizes fer Hotels, and Publieia stitutions, Ao. "Only infallible remedies known." „Free from Peisons." "Not dangerous to the Human Family." "Rats come out of their holes to die." Sold Wholesale in ail large cities. ISf*Sold by all Drnggists A Retailers eyeryWker UsT' ! ! BEWARE ! ! ! of 11 worthless imitntle l3fSee that "COSTAE'S HO naras isack Bex, Bott and Flask, before you buy. Adaress HKNBT'R. C#STA 1 Depot 462 Brosdwsy, N.Y. !sTSold by J. Lyman, y Co., wholesale ReUl, X 3" Agent,Turkhannock, AUDITORS NOTICE. The nndersigned. having been appointed by the Court if Common Pleas of Wyoming County, ax auditor t- distribute 'be money paid into Court by the North I- r* J> Canal Company.. under Ik# of assembly or* April 21st, 1858 aud the supplement# thereto, among the Judgment Creditors, will at tend to tbe duties of hia appointment, at his oloe, in the Borough ot Tunkhannock. Pa , -on the 6th day of April 1865. at on# o'aloek P. which time nod place, el! persons in to rested e— appear and praeent their elaims if thay so# er ue dobatwd from coming is on said /• Task' " I 0 I. rmof, AMl** UiinV Hank 7 1M