Thousands Hat Kidney Trouble
and Don't Know it.
How To Find Out.
Flil bottle or common glass with your
wtter and let it stand twenty-four hours; a
sediment or set-
tllnCT ln4la, mw
unhealthy condi- '
tton of the kid- j
your' linen Til ,
evidence of kid-
ney trouble; too
frequent desire to ,
SThlck falso I
convincing proof that the kidneys and blad
der are out ol order.
What to So.
There Is comfort In the knowledge so
often expressed, that Dr. Kilmer's Swamp
Root, the great kidney remedy fulfills every
wish in curing rheumatism, pain In the
back, kidneys, liver, bladder and every part
of the urinary passage. It corrects Inability
to hold water and scalding pain In passing
It, or bad effects following use of liquor,
wine or beer, snd overcomes that unpleasant
necessity of being compelled ta go often
during the day, and to get up many times
during the night. The mild and the extra
ordinary effect of Swamp-Root is soon
realized. It stands the highest for Its won
derful cures of the most distressing cases.
If you need a medicine you should have the
best, bold by druggists In 50c. and$l. sizes.
You may have a sample bottle of this
wonderful discovery
and a book that tells
more about it, both sent
absolutely free by mall,
address Dr. Mimer et Rome of Swanp-Rooa
Co.. Binghamton, N. Y. When writing men
tion reading this generous offer In this paper.
PENNSYLVANIA KAILROAD.
Suubury & Lewistowu Division.
In effect March 18, l'.HH).
ssrwAini.
I STATIONS. KAi-TWARI)
AM I
in (Ml Punbury 1150
II) IU BSMnSffOVS Junction tttr.i
io is bellnsgrova ! 9n
lOtt I'nwlillK H Ml
10 IS Kreamer R4
lu as afelssf I is
1034 MiildUburg , H4
10 3V Henfer 8 84
10 47 Beavertown H lift
IU (2 AdnmsburK 70
10 S Itauba Mllla 18
1101 McClure 107
11 II Wagrfir 7 IT
11 is! Nlnndle 71 M
Uil l'atnWrvilla 7 is
1127 Maitland 7 43
llil Lewlstown 71ft
U 87 Lewlotown (Main Street, j 7 aa
1140 Lewlatown Junction. Ill
I-
5 do
4. VI
4 4",
18
4 81
4 'J
4 M
4 IS
407
4ti
8 3ft
8 4!)
3 39
1.3ft
H3U
3 24
3 IS
8 18
8 10
I ill
IU
a 19
52
2 31
34
. 1
IN
lioo
II J7
313
J a
i
330
M
S45
3 47
3
I Train leaves Suubury 5 30 p m, ar
rives at behuBgrove 5 4;j p in
Leaves Selinsgrove 6:00 p. m arrives
at sunbury b:i5 p m.
rain leave Lewiatown Junction :
1 1 M m, 10 13 a m, 1 10 p m,18flp m 5 tfp ro, 7 07p
Im, 13 02 a 111 tor Altoona, HlttidmrK and the Went.
tor Halumore and waar-.inicton sin a 01 'Jim.
1102. 1 31 4 83 8 10 p Kor Philadelphia and New
iiomfi s sos, s go a m, 1 tra 1 as 4 an ana 1110 p
m roi uarrmDurK ampQ
Philadelphia & Ene R R Division.
AND
NOUTHEKN 4'KNTK At. RAILWAY
WESTWARD,
Train leave" S'llnagrove Junction dtliy for 1
htliimny nun wem.
I Kara, U 58 p m, 8 30 p m. Sunday 9 as a m,
(43 pin.
TraltiH lean Sunbury dally except Sundav:
12 23 a in tor Hun do.l it a m (or Rrie and ('an
enitalirua t?ai
1 10 u m for Hrllclnnte brie and ('annndalifiia
M2n 111 for liiok Haven, Tyrone and the West.
It 41 lor ItiilTiilo. 1 10 ii m for Hellefonte Kaue
prone and anacdalKUa
6 1' lu lot konovoand Klin Ira
1 411 1 ni 101 n inuiinsport
Eumtiiy 18 A'l a m for itnffiln via Emporium,
hi a 111 lor Brie, 5 10 a in for Krle and (lanau-
lalKim 8 H P oi lor V 1,.
pi- ' 1 r i,..-k Haven and
UsMpOTt
Isoim, 9 . a 10 2 00 and 5 48 pm lor WllkeK-
l"' and llaclton
1101 111. 10 111 a in, 2 lift p in, ft 4ft t 111 lor Slninio-
tln aiol Mount I'aruiel
I ittD'la) 9 Aft a m lor WllkeKbarre
EASTWARD.
Trains leave Sellnaarovo Junction
now a 111, daily arriving at PhlladalDbia
7 P 111 New York ft 8s 11 ui Baltimore 3 11 n 111
iMUatton 4 le I) in
1 5 34 i 111 daily arriving at Philadelphia
u a 11 iu .xew 1 lira s 3 a m, Hauuuore 9 4ft p m
a !(!n.-t-t. 10St u m.
M 42 p 111, 11 ally arriving at Philadelphia !
sal 111, New York 718 a ui. Uultlmoro 2 31) a IB
Klilnirtoii 4 Oft a m
TraAB aleo leave Kunliurr '
(! 4ft a in .Inlly arrlvlna at Phlladeldhla 8 2 a m
UUmore 7 uo a m WHbtejrton h;m) am New
ork V 33 a 111 Weekriava. 10 :U4 a m SnniltivR.
IS 10 1 Rni dn'ly arriving at Philadelphia 7!
"I. New York : a ra, 10 38 Sundays Balti
"e 7 20 in. Washington 88ll a in K ill I mure
MP in. W'nslllllirtn,, I II D m
lyj pi", week uy arriving at Philadelphia
(" " i lira V SUP m, Baltimore o uu p iu
veulDainn T Is n m
tin dallv, arrlvlnsr at Piilladolnnta 7 82 p m
F YOTS 11)23 n nv It iliim,.r 7 M n in. W.uh.
Irjoo I K p in '
Triln,iil,,,,av(,sunbur at no am and ft 2ft
mn P ra, lor HarrlaburK, Philadelphia and
I It TIT,.-.,. I, A .
IB IMTI IIINSOM (J.d'1 Manager.
N COMBINATION WITH THE POST.
"give Ik'Iow some clabbiW
mbinahom with the Post. The
18 QUoted arp vrrv
The New York Trl-Weekly Tri
ne and the MitWIeburg Post, one
r iu in advance, only J1.75.
iwporii,,,, of gubgcffberii on date ot
lie. and eaeh edition la a thoroughly
JB New' York Weekly Tribune
d the Middleh tire PfWT. nnp vinr.
Mfa advance, only $1.25
rt,.,, , - ""uiio uuuiieiii7u un
"mUr, and gtrea all Important news
I ,k .'" ttI"1 world- he wiOKl reliable
5J2J ff! unexcelled aaricultural
"nand eholce and .nl.,.lnl..
S,3 "I" I the "people-a papeT" for
Bf I'nlted tCSS, a national fam
C v '9! '"men and vlllasera.
Ie New York Tri- WppIcI v Worlrl
1 1 the Middleburg Post, one year,
M
W advance, only $1.65
The Tri. Weekly WorM m.. ti,,..
I .ewV,?fT.Cek-'" fllled "Kb o
Jh Practical Farmer, one year,
Jtne Middleburg Post, one year,
auvanoe, $1.50. Both of
above papers and the Practical
er Year Book and Agricui-
'manac tor 1900, mid in
. only $l.fif5.
. Th Practici av i . .
MRS SSfi lMlwt weekly.
Taiai. li . fw doobt oonwina
l rear Book foroalr tl.ss.
Tbe pseudo smart man may be of
the aecpeted "chappie" or "heavy
AtTeeia.loa n swe11" m bu
Pr is a noticeable fact
that the general-
Ity of men who move in the mosl e!
clusive circles of IMMt tendom are'
remarkably simple in d rcss.
specco 1
nnd manners, affectation and pretense
of kind bei" eOMlderd in
ce,vely bod form. Kvery year there
is an influx of young fellows home
from the colleges who are aspirants
or ocial honn- There are a feW
or course, wno are born In the purple
o to speak, and acquire the right tc
enter exclusive society through their
families, but the ranks must be filled
more or less by new importations
and it ia curious to see what are th
characteristics of success, lt is not
good looks, wit or fine manners that
insure It, ult hough any or all of thest
are desirable; but there must be that
indefinable something that makes ont
man call another "a gentleman." anc
the first, requisites seem to be sim
plicity and modesty, ll is greatly t
the erelit of the ultra fashionablei
that these qualities seem to be so wcl
appreciated. Even among womer
they have their place, and among th
faults of nn up-to-date mondaiiu- nf
fectation of pretense of any kind Mr
tainly cuuuot be enumerated.
At the Pan-American exposititTt
there will be shown various iirocesset
'
. , for making use 01
what used to b
Prodaeta. parU of
food animals. Horns and hoofs ar
made into tortoise-shell combs, but
tons and other ornaments. From tin
bones of the fevt a certain kind of ol
is extracted. Hair and the finer bris
tlea are worked into upholstering ma
terials and the different kinds of felt
ing. Cartilaginous aubstances ar
made into gelatine, and the bones ar
steamed to extract the glue, aft ft
which process they are ground int
meul for chicken foods and fertiliz
ing purposes. Blood is used in a va
riety of ways, but ia principally rain
able for its albumen. The offal it
dried in furnaces especially construct
ed for the purpose. It ia then mixee
with certain mineral constituents and
ground into a powder which Is usee
for fertilising purpoacs. Hristlea art
made into every variety of brush.
Another bright boy scintillatei
around a Philadelphia hotel, and hi
has invented a new system of calling
sleepy guests. The other night a news
paper man went, to the hotel, and wish
ing to be called at an early hour, lef
special instructions to that effect
EaKy in the morning he was disturb!
by a lively tattoo upon the door
"Well?" "Well?" he demanded, sharp
ly. "I've got an important message foi
you," said the boy outside. With t
mighty yawn the man jumped out o
bed and made his wav to the door. Thi
boy handed him an envelope, and thei
went away, The newspaper man openei
the envelope and found therein a sli
of paper on which was written in targl
letters: "Why don't you get up?"
After a recent contest it came oui
that in some instances the struggling
athletes were sustained by the use ol
arsenic, strychnine and nitroglycerin
The winner in a close trial may tri
umph because the trainer has been ju
dicious in administering tonic drugs
But does not the pharmaceutical roa
to victory seem less attractive than tin
old way which led through physica
strength and skill unaided by the stim
ulants which medicine offers? Then
is a modernness about the possibility ol
being beaten by a sixtieth of a grair
of strychnine, which to enrlier nth
letes would hase brought both wondei
and regret.
John J. Munro, of Wilkeibarre, Pa.
Is in the county jail there, a hopeless
prisoner, sentenced to pay his wift
$22.50 a month and not having a cent
in the world. He has been there six
months. Munro, who Is an old man
married a young woman, but soon left
her because of family trouble. She
ued him and was- awarded $S8.80 n
month. He xuld not pay, having
spent all his money in defending the
suit, and now he seems doomed to die
in jail.
The late Philip Armour bad nmong
his trials a great many men in his
employ who would drink to exces
habitual drunkards, in fact and
many of these he would send at hW
own expense to a "drunkard's cure'
establishment. When they came back
absolutely sober and in proper mind
they were reinstated in the place
they had before their departure. The
class of men ranged from butchers to
cashiers.
A young negro in Cincinnati swore
falsely as to his age in order to get a
marriage license. His mother said
that he had sworn falsely, but that he
should be excused on the grounds
that he was "in love and enchanted."
A witness in a Long Island court, be
ing cornered, admitted that he had
lied, and explained that he had once
been fined $50 through having told the
truth, and that he had never done it
since.
A Connecticut woman disinherited
an adopted daughter and several
cousins and left f 7,000 to two yellow
lt Um uken centuries for the world
Utra that (he man who prosion.
ally makes us laugh
'- niavbe
Hor. The court fool, the
stroUlH jester, the buffoon were de-
,,,,. . - n.i ,. .,
I to acknowledge dignity in the humor
ist, lireat nun. men great in other
I ways, ma be droll or wittv incidental
ly that is different. Kven then there
will be admirers who are uneasy in
their laughter, says Youth's Compan
ion. Some excellent citizens of this
republic used to wish that Abraham
Lincoln would not make jokes. Many
more appreciated his jokes, lint would
have thought it nonsense to say. what
all historians now aiiinlt. that his
humor was in truth part of his power.
To-day we begin to realize how
precious a quality is pure humor twin
to charity and brother to wisdom.
Lately, too, we have had new rekMS to
ptreeive with what noble character
istics it may be allied, in its possessors.
Our own Mark Tw ain, long a source of
wholesome merriment to his country
men, has become also an obj.cl of vi ii
ous pride, for his gallant and successful
struggle to meet obligations which he
might legally have disregarded, but
which he felt rested Upon his honor.
The late Sir Arthur Sullivan, we learn,
was struggling with a cruel malady
while he composed "Pinafore," faint
ing from paiu between bar and bar of
the merriest music. Shall his courage
be less honored because he made u.'
liuugh? "As the crackling of thorns
under a pot, so is the laughter of the
fool," and is most readily evoked by
folly, cruelty and vulgarity. Not so the
laughter of the sane and sensible. It
cheers, It refreshes, it illuminates, it
leaves man friendlier townrd man
ThOFe who have the art to call it forth
are benefactors of their kind.
At the recent meeting of the Ameri
can Ornithologists' union, the commit
tal on bird protection submitted an en
couraging report of work done during
the past year. With the cooperation of
lighthoube keepers, captains of life
saving stations and owners of island;
on which gulls and terns breed, the
plume hunters were kept away fron
fields which have heretofore yielded
their largest returns. Under the I.ueey
bill, passed at the last session of con
gress, the society was able to seize th
bodies of 2,6oo birds from a Maryland
dealer, and to bring suit against him.
The good effect of this ax'tion was felt
at once. All the wholesule milliners in
Baltimore asked to have their stock in
spected, and offered to wit hdniw what
ever was held illegally. It is worth
noting that, among the many ladies
present at the meeting of the union,
not one wore a hat trimmed with birdl
or feathers. The members evidently
practice what they preach.
West Virginia mud lntely caused a
Pittsburgh woman to lose a husband
He applied for a divorce, charging his
wife with infidelity, and when the cus
was called in Pittsburgh she failed to
appear. Her attorney concluded that
she did not wish to contest nnd a de
cree was granted. Next morning she
arrived with the Information that she
had received notice of the trial at Man
nington, W. Va., where she was stop
ping, but that the roads In that sec
tion were so bad she eouid not get
town until 24 hours had elapsed.
The cause of the "wilt" disease ot
cotton, which has been more or less
destructive during the past two or
Miree seasons, is a fungus which at
tacks the pliuit from the soil. It first
enters the small roots and subsequent
ly grows Into the trap, or stem. 'The
THE RIGHT THING TO PUT ON.
(Benton's Plaster It Pain's Master.)
From the natural impulse to "put some
thiug on" a painful spot nil applications
for the relief of pain have ariseu.
The most successful have ever been poul
tices or plasters, and the best of these is
Benson's Porous Plaster.
No other has anything like the name
power as a curative agent; it is highly and
scientifically medicated, and its utuudurd
is advanced year by year.
Use Benson's Plaater for eoughs, colds,
chest disesaee, rheumatism, grip, neuralgia,
kidnny tronble, lame back, and other ail
ments that make Winter a season of Buffer
ing and danger. It relieves and cares
quicker than any other remedy.
Do not acoept Capsicum, Strengthening
or Belladonna plasters in place of Benson's,
as they possess none of Its curative power.
Insist on having the genuine.
The people of every civilized land have
testified for years to the superlative merit
of Benson's Plasters; snd 5,000 physicians
and druggists of this country have declared
them worthy of public confidence.
In official comparisons with others, Ben
son's Plasters have been honored with
fifty-fltt highest awards.
For sale by all druggists, or we will pre
pay postage on any number ordered in the
United States on the receipt of 36c. each.
Accept no imitation or substitute.
Seabury A Johnson, Mfg. Chemists. N.Y.
WANTED !
Reliable man for Manager of
BranchOffice vre wish to open in
this vicinity. If your record is O. K.
here is an opportunity. Kindly
give good reference when writing.
'u A, T- Morris Wholesale Home
CNN ATI, OHIO.
Illustrated catalogue 4 cte stamps.
1-17-121.
HE
ALTHY
.l.
easily Controlled in
nf lift tii li ixl timet
' . j
these poisons, ami
otmj
iico.s, nuuni
C C C ,1... ....!.
w. w. w. hi
other niinrra Iwntiin
" . ' . '
o. o. is the
........ .. j.i.niK i.iui me meua n n ncaiinv, normal
any poisonous waste materials to accumulate.
If you have an old running sore or an
" awaa ijiiia mui pcnimiieiii cure oi inese h-sis. n your system ii run down and you feel
the need of a tonic, S. S. S. will strengthen and help you as it has many others to a happy, healthy old age.
I. 8. 8. cured Mr. H. Borden of tamasvUte, Va of a cue of I MJ 11 R J0"01!. Btaekshear, OaWSS for vearaafftiried
Kcirruaof Unrlv five vrara' itanding. after the t phytridana T",h vc, type "f rheumatism, an. I had iieit every remedy
ia the anrrotiniliiis country had failed. Thi waa atvsa yean " lV' " recommended is u rure without receiving any
ag, aad there haa lieen SO return of the dleae. I nenehl S S S promptly reached the seat of the disease anil
I made i complete and pf-mium-nt cure.
If you are in doubt aWit your disease, and will send us a statement of your case, our physician will
you any information or advice wanted, for which we make no charge.
look on Blood and Skin Diseases sent to any desiring it. Address Swift Specific Co Atlanta Ga
S. 8. S. IS THE IDEAL TONIC AMD BLOOD PURIFIER FOR
OLD PEOPLE.
result is that the supply of food and
moisture curried up from the roots is
greatly decreased, Y. A. Orton, ot
the division of vegetable physiology
and pathology. United States depart
ment of agriculture, says that land
once Infected with this disease has
never been freed from it.
An undertaker living in a Michigan
town prints t li is ill luring advertisement
in his local weekly: "Having eight
years' experience and embalming
school instructions I am nble to pre
pare bodies for any rensonnble time.
I have nlso bought one of the latest
style funeral cars and it is now in my
shop. I will also have my little hearse
painted white for children. Both fur
nished, nud I will make everything as
pleasant as possible."
As the result of an election bet two
black bears will march in the inaugural
parade in Washington next March.
W. M. Hoey and William Tsggert, of
Nognles, Ariz., made the bet. The for
mer won, and by t he terms of the wuger
will lend the bean, which were cap
tured in the Santa Uit4i mountains.
After the parade (hey will be given to
the Washington zoological gardens.
An ordinance recently adopted In
Cincinnati provides that new tenemental
shall have a bathroom for each suite
of rooms having a separate hullway,
and that remodeled tenements shall
have one buthroom for euih three
rooms.
Voting Onion lives in Walnut Knots.
Mo.; Netus .lumps died recently In
King's Ferry, N. V., and Dow Clock is a
resident of Sayville, L, .
Pennsylvania has developed u chick
en thief that uses chloroform.
Revelations regarding hazing nt gov
ernment institutions nnd in colleges
leud up to the time
ly consideration of
the practical
Work for (lie
Fool Killer.
"joker" and his legitimate fate at the
hands of the fool killer. The young cen
tury is coining to the front with so
ninny instances of serious mishap at
tending the perpetration of these asi
nine pleasantries ns to make the sub
ject one of wide interest. The serv
ices of the fool killer are respectful
ly requested in ull coming cases of
practical joking. To begin with, he
might give his attention to t hub young
gentleman of jocular proclivities whose
attachment to a hospital corps on duty
in the Philippines has not prevented
him from indulging in his favorite
amusement. He has sent to his sister
in Boston n package addressed by
one of his friends and containing a
skull, on the base of which had been
written by the same friend the name
of the young man. The result of the
rOOeption of what the girl believed to
be the skull of her brother was nn
illness of utmost danger. As a mut
ter of fact, the skull was that of a Fili
pino who died In t he hospital. Anoth
er case is that of the idiot who pulled
a chair from under a young woman
of the neighborhood of Laporte, Ind.,
with the result that she sustained fa
tal injuries, if any more lunatical
foraa of facetiousncss than t his is possi
ble it has not yet been modi public. An
other joker, of wildly humorous turn,
conceived the giant Idea of frighten
ing the children of a Georgia farmer by
incasing his head In a sack and spring
ing at them as they pussed a secluded
turn in the rond. The children were
thrown into convulsions. The farmer,
who happened to be near, ran to the
scene, and, seeing the hooded object
creeping off through the bush, prompt
ly played the part of the fool killer by
filling the joker with buckshot. Thin
method of discouraging the thing it
doubtless severe, but severity is appar
ently necessary to the case.
"I suppose," said Bishop Hugh Miller
Thompson, of Mississippi, who waa in
Birmingham the other day, reports
the Age-Herald, "that there is a
larger percentage of old men in
Mississippi than in any other state
at least it see ma so to me, and
I have been in a good many. By old, I
mean from 80 to 90. They are not de
crepit old men who hug the fireside,
but are quite lively old fellows. One oi
.them whom I knew, a man of 80, recent
OLD AGE
inr msHamy oi persons upon reaching middle u;e ami past
find their ' 1 becomes weak and thin, and diseases that were
....
earlier life begin to affect the constitution.
Those piciisposed to Scrofula, Cancer, Rheumatism, Gout and other hereditary troubles may e-aB
ill then but ns they age the blood, so long tainted and weakened by accumulated waste matt. "is rro
longer able to l'ro-ierlv nourish the bodv. and it liecomes
Tw i ...-i,t, ., l f.,, ,t
. . ".v. vws iV fwin us
nothing so surely and effectually does this as
S S. S. strengthens and enriches the Mood, improves the
I i. ui It la ti.il . , i . .. , 1 .1 1 I . . l . .. (
,..,. ' ' uwuin, uui uic oesi lumc ior
no nun ironi me moon, and Drevenn tne
I.,..J At I . ,
v... .... . ...... . i i in,.-
iiui nimM ouhmi medicine Known.
i 1... f.,..,l in .1 .... 1 I 1.. .
""' " ' 1 inaen ioi
onlv remedy that reaches deep-seated blood
ohstinate ulcer that refuses to heal, or are troubled with boils and carbuncles, try 3, S. 8.
ly got a little too lively. He went out
after dark without a lantern, fell into
B ditch nnd was broken up just as il
he was china. I forget how many bonei
were broken." "How do you account,
bishop for this large proportion of old
men la Mississippi?" asked some one.
"Well," said the bishop, "there is an
thunce to become rich In Mississippi,!
verybo.ly knows it and does not wor
ry himself into an early grave try
lug to."
Among the noteworthy bequests for
charitable purposes during the past
year was that of o Navajo Indian, whose
estate, valued at over $110,000, was left
for the establishment of a free medical
dispensary, as "an aid in extinguishing
cruel aborigine superstitions in the
tribe." The giver recognized the fact
that, in an Important st-nse, it is foi
the Indian to say what the future ol
the Indian shall be.
In IsOo the Indian canoe was prac
tically the only floating vehicle on
the great lakes, which hold one-third
of all the fresh water in the world.
To-day the lake fleet numbers several
thousand steel steamers, with 7o ship
yardl on the shores of the lakes to add
constantly to the number.
j A cat tfiow has been in progress in i
! Detroit, and the managers agreed that
it would b kind to give the school cbll-
dren free access on an appointed day.
Now they wish they hadn't. The nerves
of all the blglPprlced felines nre iu a'
state of positive, wreck.
The other day a justice of Chicago
fined a bird dealer of that city $lnu and
costs for basing lhc unlive biri.'s in his
possesiion, The songsters found in
Ihe dealer's shop were for the most
part mocking birds and cardinal gros
beaks. l'eter Meitzler, of Lockhaven,
wishes to be remembered after he has
gone to the next world. With this em! :
in view he has had erected in thocem-
etery a $4,000 marble shaft surmounted
by a statue of bimsel f.
A Chicago scientist predict! that
the method of living will be so improved
during the twentieth century that peo
ple will be considered ) ouug w hen they
are 100 years old,
A well-known educator considers
the ability to decipher obscure hand
writing promptly nnd accurately ns
nn excellent test of general intelli
gence. An unnamed beneficiary in Cleve
land. ().. has given n GlenVille, ()., cler
gyman unlimited credit for ihe relief
of the poor in thai community.
A systematic count by states thows
that there were :.'..":! lwichings in
America dining the past Idears.
The recent census shows that about
12 per cent, nf !he population of the
United Stai i's i i olored.
The Only
Wife 1 know
getting dressed
the then I i I) T
over, can'l in ?
rtapld Trnnaft.
I'm rather late In
but We can reach
rc the overture is
Husband
there's a tin
(gloomily) -dow
n-toH n.
V-e-s.
"A fir
that do?
W hat carl lily good would
"We might get a chance to ride
down on a lire engine." N. V. Week-
a lysnpathetla eii,ii,r
.Tones (to next-door neighbor)
don't like to mention it, but I fear
your daughter is taking elocution les
sons. Smith (hotly) Certainly she is.
What about it?
Jones (hurriedly) Oh, nothing;
only 1 thought I would break the
news as gently as possible, in case
you were ignorant of the fuot.
Brooklyn Life.
It Waa an Rxreptlon.
Hatband -Weill there is at least one
thing that you can truthfully say for
Mrs. Calloway; she always returns
your culls.
Wife Yes, and by the testimony of
my library and larder I can aa truth
fully say that it's about the only
thing ahe does return. Richmond
Dispatch.
sss
i . ..... '
irguimaie lUncOOM LUKI M the
S S S
- system at
il ronstita-
appetite, and huilds up the general GOMtfe
. r .o..
oiu people. It waiius thi
i the blixxl, tours ns
ilrvtlnnni ,,f
i,r in n mt . .i ....
. . ' i., mi .
.Not one particle of mercurv tHtn-.h c
..'.. ... . '
anv leiiKtll ot tune without larni
troubles like Scrofula, Cancer Kbr
iiiiia-
condition and makes it
imnoasltilf hat
The Typo t Blame.
Visitor (nngrily) See here, sir. Vov
called ire a political Jobber in loin
paper this morning.
Bditor Yes, but that was a mis
take. Visitor Ahl You admit that.
Editor Certainly, 1 wrote "rol
Vt" very plainly. Philadelphia Press.
Una One (.inlinratlon.
Patrice It's; too bud .lack doem.1
marry, I know he was intended for
somebody's husband,
Patience What makes you think
s?
"Why, if he is given a letter to poart.
he invariably forgets It" Yonkertt
Statesman.
Kvl.lenre of the lenses.
Girl with the Knr Jacket S inta
people think it all right to cat onions,
nnd others don't. It's only a matter
of taste.
(lirl with the Rtorm Collar No. ft
isn't. It's a matter of smell.- Chicago
Tribune.
Ilnmnne Yminu Miin.
Patience Do yon know that young
man is very tender hearted?
Patrice Ia thai so?
"Yes; why, even when I sin" I've
known him to cry."
"Well, perhaps he doesn't like to
teo anything murdered." Vonkerm
Statesman.
Antn-I'.iaalhllltlea.
First Baby (In the park) Darn
thot nurse, anyway! She's been talk
ing to that policeman for the past
hour. Instead of wheeling me around.
Second Baby I'm in the same boat,
old chap, liut never mind, the day
of nurselesa baby carriages will soon
be here. Town Topics.
4nlen Unit.
"Von wouldn't believe, to look at
her." said the one who was all madet
up, "that she nml I were gchoolmntes
once, would you?"
"Well. I don't know." ho replied1.
"I suppose she started in just about
the time you were getting through,
eh ?" Chicago Times-Herald.
Why. Indeed!
"Lt
et dues rtell)-lit t I ui ik and bite.
Knr 'tis their nature to,"
Still. I don't see whv Nature nrid-
The does thai way; do you?
N. y. Journal,
ONB OF THH FAMILI
Tenant, of No. :i Ward, Insane Asy
lum We like you better than the last
chnp we had.
New Curate Indeed ! I'm glad ot
that, but why?
Tenant Because you seem like ono
of us. Ally Sloper.
I n hi ne.
The man who never makes mistakes
May feel some haughty KlSSj
But I wouldn't be as lonely
For the world SS he must be.
Washington star.
Works n. i iu Ware,
First I'otrr Man (born poor) 14'
takes money to make money.
Second Poor Man (lorn rich) Yen
and it takes money to lost money. X.
Y. Weekly.
I'arla (irrra.
Hess What a lovely shade of green
your new gown is. It's perfectly kill
ing. Nell No wonder. Papa got it Paris.
Chicago Daily News.
Peculiar Girl.
"What a phenomenal girl Helen is!"'
"Why?"
"She says all men look alike to her.""
Chicago Record,
Itrerpllvlly of Age.
"Man never gets too old to learn."
"No; but he has to be old enough to-
die before he will admit that he doesa't .
know it all." Chicago Record.
A Propo I and Acceptaace.
He I want, you take me seriously. .
She 1 11 take you any way
like. Boston Courier.
.'
i