Over -Work Weakens Your Kidneys. (hbealthy Kidneys Make Impure Blood. All the blood In your body passes through Dur moneys once every mree minutes. The kidneys are your blood purifiers, they fil ter out the waste or Impurities in the blood. If they are sick or out of order, they fall to do their work. Pains, aches and rheu matism come from ex cess of uric acid in the blood, due to neglected Idney trouble. Kidney trouble causes quick or unsteady heart beats, and makes one feel as though hey had heart trouble, because the heart is ver-working in pumping thick, kidney- Disonea oiooa tnrougn veins and arteries. Lit used to be considered that only urinary ioics were m oe iracea to the kidneys, now modern science proves that nearly constitutional diseases have their begin--g in kidney trouble, f you are sick you can make no mistake first doctoring your kidneys. The mild ft the extraordinary etlect of Dr. Kilmer s Lamp-Root, the great kidney remedy is n realized, it stands the highest for its naenui cures oi me most distressing cases is sold on Its merits fr-,V" all druggists in fifty- STKS!k8WiS5l fit and one-dollar d EiKHKClirr:!Hfta You may have a "Sii-iEE? iple bottle by mail nmo f B man-Root S. also pamphlet telling you how to find L if you have kidney or bladder trouble. I ntion this paper when writing Dr. Kilmer JJo., Binghamton, N. Y. PENNSYLVANIA KAlLR iAL). fcjuubury & Lowistowti Division. Iu effect Sov. 25, 1900, VKsltfVAKII. STATIONS, RASTWABO' A M ' A M II 20 '.I Oil Q HI B SI H in I HI S il s;l S m 8 40 H 13 H07 7 H7 751 7 III 7 43 71". 783 w P M 5 mi I :iii 4 4'i 4 as I 31 4 28 I 22 4 'II I H7 I i l 3 38 3 ID 3 38 3 III .1 BO 3 21 3 15 3 13 5 10 Banbury SeUnssTove Junction eellnsarove Pawling K reamer Meiser Middleburg Benfor Besvertown AdafaabQra Raubs iillH HcOlure Wagner Shtiidle Palnterville Maitland Lewistown row in 14 1011 1051 lei 27 10 :ei lo as 10 111 ( 111 ISl 1 lust 107 I II i a , 11 itl 11 13 ft 2.1 k :io 3 M 3 45 3 41 II HI 11 II 11 27 li a 11 37 fjswtstown (Main Strest. ll to Lewistown Junction. 1 3 50 Train leaven Sunbury " 80 n in, ur- i:.. . u..i: k i e IliVBi itt unuuBKi IIVt i) l'l ill Leaven SoliiiHLTovo fi;00p, m,, arrives at. Banbury ii i" p m, Trains leave Lewistown Junction : ,'4 M ii in, in 13 :i in, 1 10 n m,13Dp iii ." 28 i iii, 7 rr7p bin, '2 01 a "i tnr Altoona, rlttuhurn ami the Wm, t tauumore and wmhinutun hu'i iliii 8 80, I SI 4 33. H 10 li III For HllMftillllllll -1 ll.l Ac l-kS.V, 805. 8 SO a in. 1 08 1 33 4 33 ami 1110 p , Km Harrisbnrg 10 p :u Philadelphia & Ene R R Division. AM) NOliTIIICliN I'KNTKAL RAILWAY WESTWARD, iTnunl siituagrove junction dally ror luo UJI anil wall. Itisarn, USBp m, 5 s) p m. Sunday g is a in. 43 p in . fralns iJ'ave sunhury dally except Similar: 21 a inin' B if iiii. Erie and Oanandalgua Ii0 i ml iir U.illeliuite hrle iin.l I iiiiiiii.Ihil'iib 112 u 1111 Mr I.'ioli H.ivimi. Tyrone ami til" West. ( 10 p no ttrnllronteKaie Tyrone nnd Uaoac Saltans 146p m!i"r keaovoand Elmlra Ik In p n. lor W'lllliiinspoit ' Sunday' i 81 a m rur ButT do via Emporium, 5 10 .a ni lor Hrle and Oanandalgua 84Sn in for Luck Haven an S 6:1 i m for Wn (laiuspurt Rf, a m, S B5 a m 2 00 and 5 4H p m lor Wllkes barre and Haxclton lo a ai, in loam, iflSpm, 545p m ror Shamo-I In and RloilDt Oarmel Sunday y s. a m lor Wllkeibarre EASTVVAltl). Frnln Itava SaUnigrova Junotlon lO'OO a ni, daily arriving at Mill idelphla 317 pm Hew York S S8 p m Baltimore S 11 p m WastiiiiKton 4 In p in 534 p in daily arriving at Philadelphia ,0 20 p in New York 3 SB a m, Ball Injure 'J IS p in WiiftliliiKtoii in ro p m. 1 41 p iu, ually arriving at Philadelphia 410 a ro, New York TIB a u, Baltimore 28U am Waaliini;toii 1 Oft a in Tra ns al-o leav Sunbnry : 2 27 a m dally arriving at Philadelphia fl J a in Baltimore 6 Si a m Waahl gton 7 4.'' am New York U33 a in Weekday, 10 38 a m Sundays, 7m) a in week days arriving ai Philadelphia U 41 a m, New York I IS p in, Baltlmtta 1 1 a in, Washington 1 00 p in. ISl p in, week dayi arriving at Philadelphia fl 23 ii in. New Yiirit 11 3d i, in. Itnitiimir,, a n.i m iWashlngton 7 is p m 1 KTaina aiw tsave DuODury at sooamaad -iii and S 31 p in, lor Harrlatmri;, Philadelphia and Baltimore 1 R. W'l(ll), Qen'l Pan Agent 1 B.BDTBRTNROM fenl Manager. IH COMBINATION WITH THE P03I. e give below some clubbing loombinationa with the Post. The rentes (jiuitcil are very low. The New York Tri-Weekly Tri bunetot the Middleburg PtT, one year, paid in advance, only 81.75. Tne Trl-Weekly is published Monday, Wednediiy and r'riciay. roaches a larirti jepporMon f subeoriners on date oi JBaissiic. and ca h fd tiiui is a t'l.ir.nilily WFnb-to date daily family newspaper lor busy people. f The New York Weekly Tribune nd tlie Middleburg Tost, one year, mill in advance, only $1.25 The Weekly Tribune la published on I'lnirsday, and lives all Important news of nation and world, the niont relialilu market reports, unexcelled agricultural department, reliable general In forma tion and obotoe und entertalniiiff mls Osllany. It is the ' people's paper" for the entire 17 tilted Mates, a national faui I ily paper for farmers nnd villagers. IlThe New York Tri-Weekly World I L i tU f l 11 i u I il the Middle ourir I'osr, one year . , . , h 1 "" ;ulli id id advance, only Sl.'ia. The Tri-Weekly World comes three times a week, is filled with the latest news of the country and is well worth tile price asked for it. lie Practical Fanner, one year, Ihe Middleburg Post, one year, I in advance, $1.50. Both of Lbove papers and the Practical ler Year Book and Agricu!- Alnianac for 1900, paid in bee, only $1.65. e Practical Farmer is one nf the best papers puoiianml, issued weekly, .00 year. The year book contains aes in wlilch there Is a fund of in. .tion that la rueful t ti. r ,.... ! RricS.of t0,a boo alone Is SO c-,.' I ths Year Book foronlv 11. 88. enu- &id&S&iQ CONTRA PORRAZO I ... , 5 By lhillp rirmln. ft vsXgigiSXiXjUs) THE winter climate of California is very delightful, especially at the grent Hotel Balboa, but even there clouds are not unknown and storms occur at times. Similarly the relationship between Col, Talbot and his daughter Josephine was said by their Mntimental friends to be a beautiful one for they loved each other devotedly, ami were seldom sep arated nevertheless, it had its pert- : ods of disturbance, when they failed to apree, and when each sjxike freely according to the family custom. The colonel was n man of larpe means, whose home was in an eastern city. He hud taken a suite of rooms in the Balboa for the winter, for a party which consisted of himself, his daughter, aged S3, and his siter. n matron of about his own age. There was also a maid. The season was about half-over when the trouble between the colonel and Miss Josephine began. The storm center at the outset was a certain Marry Grandin. Some time Liter a second area of disturbance was cre ated around a Widow, a Mrs. Bronson. but this was declared by the colonel not to be a genuine casus belli, but merely a counter-irritant- and an at tempt to (ret up a side-issue. "It seems very strange," said Jo sephine, "that the person 1 line best in all the world, my own father, is the only one that thinks I u ii i a perfeel fright." "I don't think anything of the kind!" cried the colonel, indignantly. "You are an exceptionally handsome woman, as your mother w is before yi it, ami I know it. as well as- as yi u do." lb finished with a n tin. "Then why do you always assume that every man that pays me the slljrl i est attention does so merely becnuspof your money'.'" She beamed on biln, at one does who has scored, "I don't assume it of everyone " be- an the colonel. "That is not rich and bald and stu pid." "My dear," said the colonel, solemn ly, "there are some things in this world that ynur old dad knows a little more about than you do, and monet i- one of them, There are two pari lo (rettlnj! rich. One is to make money, am! the other is to hold on to it. The first of these is easy enough, but the bccoi d is deadly hard. Who was the Knirli !- man who said that v up in the morn in Lr i and suddenly remei place contained, acei, ; i . tisties, over 60,(100 per rob him if thev p-ot. a ver i k i rl of I' that tin ni; . .i police sta ple who would bance. It th rew In in into a blue futilv? Now I have some money, I admit; there is enough to allow us- to take lire easy, and to da pretty much as we please, within reason. I have put it In (lie best pos sible shape to leave to ion when 1 pass out. But how long do you think it will last, if some rascally young spend thrift should have a chance at it. as your husband? So I would rather sus pect 91) innocent ones than have you caught on the hundred! h cue w ho w ould play the mischief with your happi ness." "Vou must be pretty well through with the DO," said Josephine. "Like enough," said her father, "in that ease our young friend Grandin must be the hundredth that is spe cially to be looked out for." ".Vow to go back to the point from which this talk started," said Jo sephine, "I believe I told vou t hat there wias to be n Ashing party to-morrow, and that Mr. Grandin asked Aunt Har riet and me to go. What do vou think?" "Do just as you please about It," raid the colonel. "You can'i lure me into forbid d in"; things, so as to make in in- I terestinsr. I am merely giving y u n Dodie, my dear, because I little tip love you." Miss Josephine fliini' hi rsi ' f over the nrin of the colonel's chair, and put her arms alout his neck-. "Oh. dad, I love you, too. Sometimes I almost wish that there wasn't any money for ns to get all mixed up about." "Stick to that 'almost.' Dodie." "And, say, dad, you don't mind n y giving you a tip, do you'.'" The colonel looked a little uncom fortable. "It's about the widow, you know." "Whom do you mean?" he asked, with dignity; "Mrs. Bronson?" "Who else? Vou are not interested in more than one widow, are yon? J heard the other day that her first was a butcher. Think of it the poor little lamb!" "He was a Kansas Tilv meat man." said the colonel, indignantly; "and I sl"'ul1 think -vou 11,k1 our ai,nt nii find eomeithinp; better to spend v i t me in than mere trosMp." ht our gossip Whenever the conversation shifted to the subject of the widow, Col. Talbot felt himself at a great disadvantage, as is always the case with simple inno cence, when it is called upon to face adroit insinuation and the suspicion that lurks ia a tone rather than in the spoken words. Itist rue that he ad mired Mrs. Ilronson, for she was pretty, and dressed in modest, becoming style, and sha was a bright and entertaining tnlk er. Yes, he must admit that he llketl her best of all the women at the Hal boa; the others, who were of suitable age for his companionship, wctc, too dull, or were' taken up with daughters, or dvoted to complaining husband's. Her father had been a Loyal Legion man, as he was, and ahe could remem ber something of the war just enough for him to fix her age at 15 yenrs lees than his own' and this gave one fruit ful topic of conversation. She admired Scott and' Dickens, and disdained the "new stuff," as he did. Longfellow waa (V) 0 10 Iter favorite poet and hit. Her testes ana interests were simple and domee $ tic, yet she was greatly diverted by the colonel's experiences in business nnd vi politics. The other women were civil to her but a hm u1srtailt This mav navf been due to the suspicious hints let fall by Josephine and her aunt, or it may have arisen simply from the fact that she was a widow. All single women and most married onea think that the widow should take her place on the funeral pyre, btsid the body of the husband, after the Indian fashion. When the Ashing part? had departed, the next morning, the colonel betook himself to the bowling-ulley, whither none but a few old enthusiasts) ever came. At one end of the long room, In a little alcove, there was a window that looked out over the ocean. The widow was fond of this quirt, secluded pot, and on days when Josephine- and her unt wers away, the colonel usually found her there. She had a soft crepe shawl over her rounded shoulders, nnd thei was busy over a headed purse. She scarcely looked up from her work ns he approached nnd seated himself by her side. "Are yon going to play?" she asked : nnd he replied, according to the regular formula: "Presently, May I sit here?" "Certainly." She looked Innocently beyond him, toward the alley. "Did your daughter come down with you'.1" Miss Josephine never played, "She has gone fishing with her aunt and the rest of them. Why didn't you go too?" As a matter of fnet the widow had not been Inked, "I do not care for Ashing," she said, and as she did so sho baited her hook with a sweet smile and threw It out toward him. The colonel's, old heart gnve a youth ful jump, and liis hand trembled a lit tle, ns he readjusted his eyeglasses. "I took pains to find out whether you were to be of the party," said he: "and when T found votl were not o-ot x derlrlerl ft- 't T for fishtng, myself." It aU"iit half n n ! ret er.re from the ice of t''c ty wnlkod 'tach men t . . nnd Mr. i rd moved boat Innclinff to tlie it t llnlbon. As the fishing pn this tllatnnee one smtill d consisting of Mi-s Jnsephli Grni din, fe'l so far behind ily that even t' Harriet glared l'i v came upon th Ornndtn vas mi sympathetic Ii at them mi ll s 1 Mr rot i er wno did was too I von re much f "People that bl fish Kn vino-; thick in have not - bo w i t hail a rd ib " Vnj Mrrg to say?" 'Only the same thin "You may say it jus "1 love you." 'Wn'li faster! 1 enn 'kintr at us from the father of the iri'cr pin ta." "And the widow him vrur step-mamma that is to be." "Don't vou dare to say it. thorn;''! so, T would marry th If fin mini that asked me." "I will he the first." "Oh, Mrs. Fuller, we have had such a lovely day. Mr. Grandin and I stopped to see If we could arrange to have nil the fish we caught sent to the poor people." Next morning a letter nnd w - pa j wh litt lay beside the i he came down 1 iu advance of his .1. break fast n I daughter and sister. Tie recognlzi dress on both -that In the eastern city V nnd he broke the d the same m'- of his attorney here he resided ral of .the letter with some eagerness: "My Dear Colonel: T i:nt th stuff pr'rt- : erl In the Times, Just ns you asked, Ihnuirh they would not use your name. It t' lr''" to you plainly enough, however. 1 don't ; understand the aTime, but you probab'y know what you are doing. Is tie r n I t on In the nine Elephant? Should Tiwv i r '. sell? Sounds funny to read that the f 11- ; tire of the mine will affect your fortunes, ! remembering-, as I fln, how cleverly you sneaked out of It unscathed a year ago, "As yen requested, I have started an In- ) nulry about the young man Orandln, and will be ready to report on him In a u w days. What Is the matter? Another moth at Josephine's flame? My dear f llow, I have tuld you a thousand times that you are too suplclous. "Yours, A. O. W." j Then the enlnnel unfolded the ut w i paper nnd, finding the marked pas sage, rend ns follows: "Polities Ts Money. It Is rumored th ll the true reason for the sudden Withdrawal i of a well-known Itlz. n from the sena torial race, nnd his di parture for California, was not at all his frii ndehlp for the gov ernor, as was alleged at the time, but I the disastrous failure of nn enterprise In I which he was financially Involved to a v ry considerable extint. When the Blue j Eh phant went to plec-s. the event w is not SUpposi 1 to have any political SUgnlftcance, but Its largest owner was known to be n ci rt:iln colonel who Is now suddenly out Of p. liti-s. It costs money to be a senator In this Mate, nnd the pastime Is Well enough for millionaires, llut a fortune that is re- , duei d to hare bonis, and which perhaps sear, i ly exists at all, will not stand such a strain." The colonel smiled grimly as lie read the article, and several times during the course of the breakfast, which he ale by himself, without waiting for the ladies, he chuckled, ns though Something on his mind was affording him great amusement. When -Miss Josephine and her aunt came into the room he drew a long face and, handing his daughter tin paper with the marked portion ex posed, he said: "Jt is out at last. Excuse me, but I must go over to the city to be gone all day. Don't worry, my daughter; there is enough for us to live on, in a way." Then he hur ried out of the room. "Oh," said Josephine, "it was only yesterday that I said to father that 1 almost wished he would lose all his money." "How could you wish such a wicked thing," cried her aunt, repronchfully. "Now you see what has happened." They were just beginning to read the article through tor the third time when Josephine looked up und said: "H,ere comes Mr. Grandin." "Hide it," said her aunt. "Indeed I shall not. a intend that be shall see it Arst of all." nHFIIMJITICll KULlJMAIIolH la due to an acid poison which gains access to the blood through failure of the proper organs to carry off and keepthe system clearof all morbid, effete mutter This poison afe. v...... i ml i..: 1. J i , ; solvent, purifying properties, attacks the disease in the right way, ami iu the right place the blood and quickly neut- alutM the acid and dissolves all poisonous deposits, stimulates ami reinforces the overworked, worn-out oigans, ami clears the stem . ... ....... a.... , vj. o. o. -uita pei iiiuueuuy uuu tuorougniv, and keetis the blooil iii a pure, healthy state. Mr. J O. Mallrv, HJW. isth Street. Indisnlpolis, ind.. for eighteen month! was SO terribly aSlictrd with Rheumatism he was unable to feed or dress himself. Doctors said his case was hopeless lir had mot Any two prescriptions thai friends had given hiat, without the slightest relief few bottles of S. 8. S. cured him pci uianently, end lit has nevet had a rheumatic pain Bace. Thi was ftr years ago. We will send free our special book on Rheumatism, which should be in the hands of every sufferer from this torturing disease. Our physicians have made blood and skin diseases a life studv. ami will wive VOU anv information or nclvie wnntBrl t., mriia n,... j fully and freely about your case. Ve make no charge whatever foi this service. "Good morning, Mrs. Rluke; good meriting, Miss Talbot. May 1 sit here? I did not sec you ladies aii- w in re last evening." "e played 'porrnr.o' in our rooms with the colonel and Mr. Edmunds. Do you play 'porrnao,' Mr. Grandin?" "I tried it once. Mrs. Illnke, but 1 do not approve of a game where yon lay down a card and say 'pona.o,' with great triumph, only to have the next person to you lay down another Sard nnd say 'contra porrn.o,' and take it all away from you, Where is I me eo. one., ny t ne w nj I "He has -one to the city for the I day." "There is something here that I w i s li you to read, Mr. Gramlin," said j Josephine, handing him the paper. The young lutin read the article, and brought his lips together in 0 bunch. "This n fcrs to Col. Talbot, I take it," said he. I Josephine nodded. "And il means that he has lost his money '.'" i Josephine nodded ngln, and her aunt looked indlj into lo r coffee Ctlp. "Does this involve you in anv way, Mrs. lllake?" "Not at all." Mr. Grandin smiled cheerfully. ; "I suppose I ought to be decently sympathetic," said he, "but it is des perately hard work. This affects no I one. it appears, but Col. Talbot, nnd iti.v regard for him is entirely by i proxy. I am ready to take his loving : daughter's wind for it that he is u delightful character, but he has never shown that side of himself to me." "Bill it affects me," cried Josephine. "Don't you see that?" ".Not a bit of it." said Mr. Grandin. "I am going to take care of you, and I have a great plenty." Mrs. Blake looked up in surprise, and lie ad dressed himself to her. "This is n matter which I would have taken up with Col. Talbot, if lie had ever given me n chance, but his manner toward me during the last, week or so has been Blich as to make it impossible for me to address him on any subject. I don't blame him. I am sure that, if I had such a precious object to guard. I should be a Cerberus, too." lie took a card from his pocket and wrote some names upon it. "Here is a bank." said he, "and a firm of attor neys, and a w ell-known business house, nil of tin in located iu the city where I live. Xow if the colonel wishes, to make Inquiry of any of these he will find out, I think, all that he needs to know about, me as a son-in-lnw," Mrs. Rloke picked the card up doubt fully and placed it in the bag thai hung at her side. She stood a good deal in aw e of her brother. Win n the young people were alone a fe"W minutes later, Josephine said: "1 heard where you were last evening." Grandill shoo.c hU head sadly. "What a small place n big hold is," he said. "Are you anxious to make yourself still mure unpopular with my fa ther?" "I Wanted to see what sort, of a step-mother-in-law I was likely to nave that was nil." "What do you think of her?" "I agree with you. She won't do nt nil. Something must be bj Jovel Where is that paper? Let me have RIGHT UP TO DATE, (Benson's Plaster Is Pain's Master.) These am days of records and of the beat ing of records. Benson's Porous Plaster, for quickness of action and thoroughness of cure, has no records to beat except its own. Benson's Plaster, always the bust, always tho louder, is to-day better than ever. It sticks to tho skin but never s'.iekj in its tracks. It marches on. Tho people not only want to he cured but cured quiMywA Hunson's Plaster does it. Coughs, colds, lumbago, asthma, bronchitis, livor nnd kidney complaints, uad other ills approachable by an external remedy, yield to Benson's us ice does to heat. Neither Belladonna, Strengthening or Capsicum plasters are to be compared with Benson's. People who have otico tested the merits of Uouson's Plaster have no use for any other external remedy. More than 5,000 physiuinns anil drug gists (and a thousand times as many non professional persons) have called Hanson's Plasters one of the few (!) home remedies that can be trusted. Fifty-five highest awards have been made to it in competition with the best known plasters of Europe and America. Better proof of its merits ia inconceivable. Be sure to get the genuine. For sale by all druggists, or ws will pre pay postage on any number ordered in the umteoouHw cu nowpt or aoe. eaon oeauury a, numiwu, joig. uuemuiiiuu, i3C -usuiiiuui acposueo in me joints, muscles and nerves, causing the most intense pain. Rheumatism may attack with such suddenness and severity as to make within a few davs a healthy active person helpless and bed-ridden, with distorted limbs and shattered nerves ; or it mav lie slow in developing, with alight wandering pains, iust severe enough to make oue feel uncomfortable ; the t.-u-dency in such cases is to grow worse, and finally liecome chrouic. Like other blood diseases, Rheumatism is often inherited, and eiposure to damp or cold want of pmier food, insufficient clothing, or anything calculated to impair the health, will frequently cause it to develop V' j ' but more often llot uulil middle age or later. In whatever form, whether ucute T chronic, 'Xrited! Rheumatism is Strictly a Blood Disease, and no liniment or other external treatment can reach the trouble. Neither do the preparations of ix tasli and mercury, and the various mineral salts, which the doctors always prescribe, cure Rheumatism but ruin the digestion and break down the constitution. A remedy which builds up the general health and at the same time rids the svstem of the poi on n the only safe and certain cure for Rheumatism. S. S S maita f r,v,t hrl ho-l. f ..I it fur awhile, will you? I hat idea." lie took the paper and went search of the widow, whom he ently found sitting alone. She attentions from vonng men. iff in pres llked and Grandin was a delightful talker, A second letter from "A. II. W.." which arrived a day or two later, conveyed to the colonel .some informa tion about Mr. Grandin that caused him to open wine his eyes and whis tle softly to himself. The colonel ;,s not exactly a worshiper of wealth, nut lie tiiiiml it easy to respect a n who was worth several tluii 8 as much money as he was, and he .started nut immediately to apologize, ami make nmeilds, In his search he en me upon the wiili.w. bonneted niul cloaked and accompanied by her maid, "Good-by," she cried, airily; "I am off." "(Ml!" exclaimed the enlnnel. in as tonish nun t . He had seen itl little of her during the Ills! few days, but had supposed that was due to acci dent. "Yes. to the Plzurro and then haek enst," she said. "Thank you and your dear daughter and sister for being go kind to ." Her manner was put- roni.ing, not to say contemptuous, and tl donel, who had grown ac customed to her soft, confiding wnvs, was too astounded to do nuythlngax eept stare at her as she vanished down the corridor. Mr. Grnndin would listen apologies or explanations, but .1.. -..1 t 1 to no grnsped i or e.noiiei liailll tl II I SHOOK il warmly. Then tiny had a brandy and soda together. "That newspaper story." said the colonel, "was a fake, I did not los. anything in the Blue Elephant." "You didn't?" cried Mr. Grandin; and he laughed. "No.'' said the colonel; and he ex plained how and why he had se cured its publication, At this Mr. Grandiii laughed n good ileal more. "Vou see," said the colonel, "1 have always had a horror of a marriage in my family with any kind of a mer cenary element in it. If such n mar riage could be avoided by a little ruse like that. I t! "hi I would be justi- lied iu resorting to it. Don't you agree with me'.'" Mr. Grandin laughed again, but he said t hat I ntlreltt ngrei il with the colonel. He had heard of the wid ow's departure, n little while before, and he knew that that danger was passed. He reserved his nrt ,,f the confession, how ever, null occasion when it might San Francisco Argonai me other needed. he AM EVIi I o III si '.:: 7 J4c '-' ,' . Air Willie bruddei Marie Say. Marie, 1 saw your big .i.ss my big bister. Dai's good. Now, let's piny lid est an I up brudder, Cin cinnati Commercial Tribune, a b i e ve me n I. Through weary years he chased Success, And never sei nnd to gain tin Inch, Till, one day, his rich uncle (Hi ri. Then on Success he had u dm h. -Brooklyn Life, More Dansreroaa, Judge And you say lie had murder in his eye? Victim Xo, sor, I think it wua in his bond. Thot's where he liilcl th' rock. Chicago Daily News. Effective. "Funniman has a dry sort of hu mor." "Yes; his jokes are. enough to drive one to drink, if that's what you mean." Brooklyn Life. The Height nf Aitony. He Did your friend, the soprano, ever reach the high C? She Yes, one day while she was at the dentist's, 1 believe she did. Tit Bits. Headache and Xeuratgl cured by Da m" .s I'Ain i i 1.15. - une cent a uose M$lors Muscles, Shatters Nerves, 1HI ICI1S Jill I V WlilltJa Address, SWIFT SPECIFIC CO Atlanta Ga. Comforted 1'npn. A Well known business man, whoso head i bare, yel who wears a luxur iant growth of whiskers, was being railed recently for lieilifj bald by some) of his intimate friends in the pres ence of his small daughter. Little Mabel didn't understand that it was all in jest, and ernwHi upon her parent's lap put It. r arms about hit neck and turned delimit J toward his tormentors: 'My papa wtul rtivver hot-' his top jlf ur on his chin, u n.'n t oii. nana" Cincinnati Emiui rer, Ton Btrnnic n Teniplntlnn. "Yes, George asked me how old I would be on my i ext hirt lldaj " "The impudent fellow! (if course you said 19?" "No, I said 20." "Mercy, girl, you ain't hut 84!" 'ixo, nut i i'ge is going ii n cluster ring with a cliu tin for every jcar." Cleveluni Dealer. vc me in It Plain Vol ll I l'i .'til. Breathes there a n tl Who in v. r to his hit in II nd "What dlil i s., I calli d tin tin i Uut ion Joiirni I i. ii "i t "I told her mother thai as young as her daughter." "That caught the old la looked I sup- pose . "Yes, but it lost me the daughter. -The King. I'eilluree nnrl Unseat, The rabbit met th. llelKian hnro And said with grand and lordly air: "Wh. n pii dge of good luck m i n secures My left hind leu's as good as yours." Chicago Record. It miieil lllltl, Mrs. Casey (rending war news') Wan soldjer wor murthnl wounded, an' bis lusht winds won "Gimme whisky." Mrs. Dolun (whoso husband is at the front) Hlvln hllp mc fnthcrless ehiider; thot wur Put. Harper's Hazur. Bfo SttieiMire. Jaggles That young poet his be. come a fad and gits a dollar a head from people to hear him mad hi- po ems. That's an easy way to make money, Waggles Knsy? Say! 1 guess yen never tried to rcud that felh w 's poetry. Puck. In Belf-Di "nise. Tnwne I'm surprised tit you trying to borrow a dollar from that fellow Harduppe. You're Bttn Ij i t in such aw ful need of niom y. Browne No, but I felt sure TTnrd uppe was, and I nu n ly anticipated him. Philadelphia i'ri ss, The I. ndiler of I'm ferment. First Lawyer i'oung Blnckstone has political OSplrntions, hasn't he? Lawyer Why do you think so : First Lawyer 1 noOe he calls all the barkeepers by their lirst names. X. Y. Weekly. Pn rs. "Of course. John." s.i In his w i fc. "I'm obliged to you for this money, but it isn't nearly enough to buy a real fur coat." "Well," replied 1 ho brutal man, "you'll have to make it go as fur as you can." Philadelphia Press. Rni'ii ii riiarloa. Mr. Tranccr I'm sorry I'm such an awkward dancer, Miss Perkins, Miss Perkins Oh, you're doing fair ly well, Mr. Pranoer, I've seen you jerk around lots worse than this with other girls. Indianapolis Journal. i Jello, Ihe Vcw Desei I. pleases all the family. Four Flavors Leiuou.orangfi.rastJberry and straw berry At your grocer's. 10 cents. Try it to-day. . . 2S '' ill - ; ' " "l ; it II ' :