FUNCTIONAL
ETHICS
By Rev. Clarence Greeley
TRXT-Bv their fruits ys shall know
thnn. -Matt. 7:a).
Aa Schopenhauer thought, the solu
tion of life Is Dot for us In far oft
Isles of (be blessed; we are born for
the world of manly business, task, vo
cation, function ethically known by
our fruits.
Might function Is progressive fic
tion. True moral life Is like the heart
pulsation; It ends one beat only to tie
fln another. The twentieth century
philosopher or preacher of ethics must
be something of a naturalist to realize
that the functions of the yearning,
struggling will are descrlbable only in
terms of experience; and the human
mind, with Us moral truth or aver
ments, have grown through countless
ages.
The eighteenth century ratlonallKm,
like the ntelleval dogmatism, and the
Greek Idealism, looked upon the moral
world, not as dynamic or functional,
but static. The nineteenth century
thinkers since Durwin agreed on the
transformation of species which bad
been regarded since Aristotle, as fixed
nd final In form once for all. Men of
the rationalistic eighteenth century
bad much to say of the dignity of
changeless essential man from the
lavage up to Shakespeare.
Hut the nineteenth century proved
that human nature Is mere like an
organism, not permanent In Its struc
ture, but capable of progress or retro
gression, as the outcome of physical,
mental and moral growth of the race
for more than 10,000 years; and Its
moral dignity Is that of untold ages or
suffering, survival, failure, victory,
progress.
Hence the twentieth century preach
er or teacher of ethics should know
our new physiology the science of
functions.
Our new psychology Is called func
tional; our new logic Is called func
tional; our cew philosophy la really
functional; there Is even a functional
theology; their truth not sicklied o'er
with the pale cast of thought, but
vital with the pulse beat of life. There
fore, I venture, somewhat timidly, on
June 6, before the Fellowship club
In this city, to speak on "Functional
Ethics," a term I had not seen In
print, and Professor Tufts of the Unl
wrslty of Chicago gives assurance
that no work has ever appeared, to
his knowledge, under that title.
1 do not seek, however, to corner
functional ethics quite the reverse
but would define the subject In part,
bs we follow the rough Dahnpfabl
frew track) I am trying to blaze in
Vbe woods, as follows: The ethics
that associates Itself with the func
tions of the body growing out or
those and of society and the concep
tions underlying.
Tho Ininnrtnnre of this method (Dot
system) Is felt not only by conserva
tive Christians who, as over against
mere rationalistic creeds, have a pre
sentiment that Christ's ethlcp.l way
as functional Instead of credal or
methaphyslcal; but as a mode of
thinking, functionalist was also the
only ultimate defence of Protestant
ism against the papacy. Not only
conservative Christians, as contrasted
with rationalistic, feel this Influence
of tbe Zeitgeist, but Professor Fostor.
. g., a somewhat different type ra
mliiar with up-to-date life sciences
affirms that one corner stone of twen
tieth century morality is In our hu
man struggle for self-preservation, a
principle Inexplicable In all activity
which we call life. The point we are
making Is this: Tho tthlcs of the
twentieth century will not be rational
istic but functional; and this fact Is
largely the fruit of our new or modern
biology.
The Importance of this fact Is ob
vious when we reflect that even the
rennalssance largely Ignored common
life (which Henry Drunimond defines
as functions); and the so-called "cul
ture" of that period denied to ordin
ary human nature the capacity to de
velop organs and functions, not only
for Us own preservation but develop
ment
Under the gradual Influence of our
new biology there la more and more a
tendency to look for true goods In the
normal development of the vital func
tions which constitute man's nature
mental, moral and spiritual, a well
as physical and economic.
A basts of functional ethics in our
new biology may bo thus set forth:
When the organism modifies Its activ
ity or Its structure In response to
changed conditions, those modifica
tions are called functional adapta
tions. We would not press the anal
ogy of colonies of ants and bees to
human society too far. Dut we may
learn from biology of lower Individuals
that each should attempt to preserve
Itself, promote progress, and. If It
be a member of a Metier community,
It should act In the lcfrests of others
and tho whole Erevp; that It Its fun
damental task, vosttsm, function.
The practical application of biolog
ical fruits to the derivation of ethics,
not from Imaginary standards In by
gone unscientific agec, but from life
functions and task In laboratory,
ahop, home, school and church as
well urgent social topics of the time
Is obvious, not merely the teaching
of necesslary truth, boo long fatally
neglected, concerning race, aex, pro
creation, heredity and all "tbe real
earthly troubled nature of .body and
eoul."
Purpose In Life.
God has provided In the make-up ol
every man a place for pleasure and
that man loves pleasure, but the
areatest pleasure anyone can bare !i
to have a purpose In life. Kev. W. It
Rich, Baptist, Macon.
Luther.
The character of Martin Lather
was the great secret of his achieve
ment It was strong, nigged, moun
tatnous, with faults that were cavern
ous, but a heart great and strong and
full of love. Rev. L. Guild, Methodist.
Baa Francisco,
fPtCtlVING THE-VAIL B-A0.5
THIS photograph shows Aviator Ilamel at Hcndon, near London, England. In the act of receiving on board
bis monoplane mall bags from two postofflce employees. This winged mall has caught on Immensely with
the Londoners and suburbanites, tbe resources of tbe service being taxed to the utmost to convey the thou
sands of postal cards and letters entrusted to It
ANXIOUS
Demand for Good Teachers
Greater Than Ever Before.
Reopening of Schools Shows That De
sire for Knowledge Has Kept Bet
ter Than Abreast of Growth
in Population.
New York. "The schools of tbe
country are opening this month and
with an Increased attendance which
shows that the American thirst for
education bas kept ahead of the
growth In population." This was said
by a manager of the largest teachers'
agency In the country, who from the
nature of his work Is In touch with the
educational situation all over the
country. Incidentally, be added that
good times were ahead for the members-
of the teaching profession.
The last Bchool census showed that
20.000.000 were enrolled In the various
Institutions of the country. While no
figures for the present year are ob
tainable. It Is estimated that common
schools alone have at least 18.000.000
pupils.
Most of the public schools In the
north and east open soon after Labor
day. The exceptions are some schools
in northern New England, where, ow
ing to the hard winters and the diffi
culties of transportation, sessions are
beid only In the spring and autumn.
In the fur south the heat delays
school openings, and In some districts
pupils do not return until November.
The latest Institutions to begin the
year's work are some of the southern
mission schools, which depend mainly
upon teachers from the north. Ses
sions there are postponed until late in
the fall, so that the northern teachers
may not be subjected to the unaccus
tomed climate.
Most of the colleges and universities
will have begun work by the first or
October. As a rule the state universi
ties and normal schools start earlier
than the universities privately en
dowed and have longer terms.
French Cigars Are Costly
Traveler Is Unable to Take Along
Supply Because Duty la High
Customs Officers Alert.
New York. "The cigars you buy In
France are notorious," said a smoker
recently who has lately come back
from Europe, "and It Is really Impos
sible to get a decent cigar at retail
at anything like a fair price. 1 know
of three places In Paris where you
can get good cigars by the box, one.
which for muny years was under the
Grand hotel and Is now across the
boulevard from It: another In the
Hue Ste. Honore. near the bottom of
the Avenue de 1'Opera, and the other
in the Champs Elysees, a little below
the Elysee Palnre hotel.
"When I started for Paris from Lon
don I had forty cigars In a box which
had cost n-e JuBt $3. I had bought
them In London, thinking that as In
the past I would be allowed to take
forty cigars In at Boulogne free of
duty. An American who lives In
London told me on the channel boat
ELOPERS GET BIG SURPRISE
Parents of St. Louis Couple Attend
Marriage Ceremony and Give
Them Wedding Party.
St Louis, Mo. Martin E. Essel
born, twenty years old, a sculptor,
and Miss Edith P. Plochman, seven
teen yeara old, were sweetbeartB for
the last year and a half, with tho
full knowledge and consent of their
parentB, who nad been neighbors and
friends for several years, and while
nothing had been said on the subject.
It was well understood they would
Borne day be married.
Hut, Btlned by a spirit of romance,
and envious of several of tbelr friends
who have married recently, the
cotjple slipped of to Clayton, where
they hoped to procure a marriage li
cense, get married by tbe poetic Jus
tice and give their parents and friends
a great -rirprlee.
However, the stern clerk In the re
corder's office at Clayton decided tbey
were too young. A eearchlng cross
examination brought out the would
be brldevroom lacked six months and
FIRST AERIAL MAIL SERVICE IN
"( 's'
TO LEARN
At the teachers' agencies here It Is
said that the demand for more and
better teachers Is accompanied by In
creases In the cost of tuition. This
Is especially true of the private
schools, especially the boarding
schools.
"Two or three years ago," said one
teachers' agency manager, "a boy
could be sent to a very good boarding
school for $.100 or $600 a year. Now
the average charge at such Institu
tions Is $700 or $800.
"The colleges (hot charge tuition of
course do not depend upon these fee
for support; nevertheless many of
them have raised their tuition
charges on an average of $25 a year.
The private boarding school business
must be profitable, for the number of
establishments Is Increasing.
"This, of course, Is good for our
business, for it quickens the demand
for teachers and raises salaries. Tbe
only educational Institutions that are
declining are the old-fashioned day
seminaries. The free state schools are
fast driving them out."
Remarkable Nest of Wasps.
Liverpool. A remarkable nest of
wasps has been discovered on the
Bedfordshire estate of Lord Ampthill,
where a man, using three wire wasp
traps bas caught over 4.000 wasps.
The nest consisted of six tiers,
which stood six and a half Inches
high, and measured eight and a half
Inches across.
The cells contained grubs and
young wasps in dlffurent stages of
growth. An elm tree near by was
covered with wasps in clusters vary
ing In size from that of walnut to that
of a tennis ball.
Mule Scalps Boy.
Louisville, Ky. Eleven-year-old
Charles Polk, playtng In the garden
of his father's home at Jeffersoji, got
too close to the steel-shod family toule.
Today his scalp was sewed on. Fif
teen stitches were necessary to bold
the warlock In place.
thnt a new law prohibited the admis
sion of more than ten free of duty.
'But,' he added, 'the duty Is so small
that you need not be alarmed.'
"Now, long experience has taught
me that tbe moment you declare any
thing to a French customs officer you
lay yourself open to trouble. If you
tell blm you have anything dutiable
he Is very apt to make a thorough
search. 1 remember that once 1
bought a box of twenty-five cigars at
Daden Baden and declured them when
1 reached French Aglnccurt, with the
result that not only did the customs
man go minutely through all my baud
luggage, but actually seare' ed my
pockets.
"However, at Calais 1 declared my
forty cigars and handed them to the
douanler,' at the same 'time remind
ing him that ten cigars were exempt.
He Immediately demanded to see
the cigars and carried them off In
triumph to the head otilctal. 'I hen
he came back and prrtied ny valises.
the girl one month of being of legal
age to ninrry. The clerk advised them
to wait until spring.
The -couple returned home, but In
stead of surprising their parents, as
they exacted to, were themselves
surprised Their parents had been
tipped olf by the marriage license
clerk, end without waiting for ex
planations the elders accompanied the
eiopers to the cltjr hall, where they
formally gave their consent to the
union and the coveted license was Is
sued. ,
Frederick Esselhorn. father of the
bridegroom, and Eugene Plochman,
father of the girl, hurried them to
Justice Chauncey Krcuger's office,
where the young couple were given
another surprise, by finding their kin
dred assembled for the marriage cere
mony. Justice Krueger halted In the midst
of a suit, left the bench and per
formed the ceremony, after which the
bridal party went to the Esselborn
home, where a wedding dinner, which
hnd been prepared In haste by the
bride's mother, awaited them.
Wedding present! hastily bought
ENGLAND
CRINOLINE IS BIG FAILURE
Idea Is Scorned by London Leaders of
Fashion Narrow Skirts Form
Keynote for Season.
London. The attempt by a Hond
street modiste to Introduce a modified
lorm of crinoline skirt among the
lashlons for the fall has been a full
tire. The Idea has been even more
laughed at than was the model who
ventured out on the West end streets
to test public opinion on such a skirt.
Designers of women's modes now ad
mit that crinoline or any form of un
naturally expanded skirt Is dund.
As a matter of tact, narrow skirts
will form the keynote of fashions
here for the fall and winter Tho de
signers say they are only Just begin
ning to recognize the possibilities of
displaying the beauties of the female
figure by tight dresses, and they now
will depend on the beauty of lortn
rather thnn as hitherto on the charm'
of artistic drapery.
London Is also learning at last
something from New York, and much
brighter colors will be worn. No one
color will nold predominant sway tbe
coming season. Royal purple Is dis
appearing, and Its place Is the marked
feature of women's dress will be
taken by vivid colors.
The lending materials to be used
will be rich velvet, with costly em
broidery embellishments and tur trim
mings. Fashionable dresses will be in
every way tbe most expensive ever
yet devised.
Complete bRnlshment has been de
clared against the vogue of black, but
black und white will hold Its own. es
pecially later In the season. Some
modistes are producing exquisite mod
els of tbls style. .
Woman Builds House Unassisted. -
Wakefield, Mass. Although she
never drove a nail until three months
ago, Miss Henrietta Doyea has Just
completed the building of a btingnlow
unassisted The building bas five
rooms and bath, hardwood floors
throughout and all modern Improve
ments. While engaged In the heavy
carpenter work Miss Doyea donned
overalls and Jumper.
"Well, they soaked me $2.37 duty
on the thirty cigars, which was ac
tually more thnn tney hnd cost me
When I reached Paris and tbe officers
nsked me If there was anything duti
able In my trunk i said. 'No,' and It
was not opened.
"The next day 1 was passing the
cigar shop opposite the Grand hotel
and was surprised by the cheapness
of cigars that were exposed In the
show windows. I ren In. filled with
remorse that I had even condemned
the French method of ell!ng cigars,
and found that the cigars In the win
dows were In a senso a honx. The
retail price was quoted, but you could
not huy at that price unless you took
a box."
Eggs Laid for 1,900 Miles.
Mlddletown, Conn., Mr. and Mrs. C.
W. Klrkham, Jr., and their four chil
dren have Just arrived here by wagon,
completing a trip of 1,900 niles from
Staples, Minn., which the; left on June
23. Seventeen Minnesota chickens,
carried In a small coop under tbe
wagon, were bale anu hearty, having
laid their usual average of eggs all
tho way
were brought In by neighbors and
friends who had been notified by tele
phone of the wedding, and the would
be elopers, who hnd planned to sur
prise everybody, were kept busy be
ing surprised by everybody else up
to midnight, when they departed for
the home of the bride's parents,
where they will reside until they can
mature plans for a home of their own.
King to Have Irish Home,
Dublin. It is rumored that the
king Intends to purchase a royal resi
dence In Ireland and thnt la future
the court will move to Ireland once
a year with the same regularity that
it now goes to Scotland. The king's
mansion will have to bo near the cap
ital, as, before all things, tbe royal
annual visit will be for the advance
ment of things social and Industrial.
Disappeared.
Artist Tbls Is my painting, "Youth
In tbe Melon Patch."
Crltlo But where are tbe mel
ousT
Artist Wat a foolish quesUonl
The Return
From Captivity
Sunday School Lcuoa (or Oct. 15, 1911
Specially Arrangsd (or This Paper
LRRflON TEXT Ezra 1:1-11; l:6i-7.
MKMOItY V1SHSE8-1:3, 4.
GOI.PEN TEXT "Hu retulneth not his
anger forever, luruuiio lis dtiltchleth in
merry." Mio. 7:1.
TIME Cyrus tukfs Babylon C39.8. His
dcrte of return HSU. First return, under
Zerubbabel, 637.6.
l'LACK-Babylon and vlnclnlty. Joru
ulem. And th long Journey between.
ItTJLKIlS-Cyrua was kin of Babylon,
and a luriro part of the East. Zerubbabel
called also Hhenhtmziar (Ezra 1:8; 2:2)
from Bubylon becunie the rulvr of Jeru
salem. MONUMENTS Ot stone tablets and
cylinders, are written records of these
days.
Tbo Cyrus Cylinder, found at Babylon
In 1879, now In Hrltisli Museum.
Tlie Nubonldui cylinder, in British Mu
seum. Annnllstlc tablet of Cyrus, a proclama
tion liy liim, written shortly after bis
conquest of Babylon.
There were three eras of captivity
for the children of Israel an there
were seveial eras of return. The first
captivity was by Nebuchadnezzar,
when Daniel and his friends were car
ried captive. Seventy years from this
brings us to B. C. ilM, the time of
the completion of the return described
lu tbls lesson.
Nebuchadnezzar again captured the
city, sent a great amount of treasures
from the palace and the temple to
llabylon, with 10,000 of the more Im
portant of tho people. Among these
were the prophet Ezekiel aud the
great-grandfather of Mordecai, Queen
Ksther's cousin. The third captivity
was also by Nebuchadnezzar, who,
after a siege of a year und a half, In
July, DSG, completely destroyed the
city and the temple. Seventy yearg
from this time brings us to the com
pletion of the temple, B. C. G15.
The discipline of the exile has ac
complished Its purpose so fur that It
Is wise and safe to permit a large
number to return and renew the an
cient nntion. It would be useless to
bring back to Judea people who would
commit the same sins which made the
exile necesary and who had not
leu rued to porno extent the lessons
which their hard discipline was sent
to teach.
Tbe power of Idolatry was forever
broken. They never a);aln yielded to
Its fascinations. They were taught to
jet a new value on the filling of all
the forms of worship with the spirit
of religion. God hnd allowed even the
cUy which wag the type of heaven and
the most glorious temple dedicated 'to
his worship to be destroyed when
these became a substitute for true re
ligion Instead of nn aid to It. Tbey
were also taught by their absence the
value, and necessity of religious Insti
tutions, of the means of worship, of
tbe Sabbath day.
It led to renewed study of the sa
cred Scriptures. The exile was the
period in which the guardianship,
transcription and study of the written
Scriptures became the special care
of a distinct class, afterwards famous
as the great order of the scribes. It
led, also, to the establishment of tbe
synagogue for social worship and read
ing of the Scriptures, with Its accom
panying schools. To this period and
thnt of the return belong tho author
ship of some of the noblest and high
est religious literature.
The coplivlty served as a mission
ary scheme to spread the knowledge
of God over the world. It was an aid
in preparing the world for the com
ing of the Lord Jesus Christ and for
the spread of the gospel by tho apos
tles. Thus there was the promised
land, the homeland the center of re
ligious lifo, and the dispersion as an
agency In every country of the known
world.
The journey home and the whole
movement, may be made most real to
nil, and especially to children, by
tracing the Journey on the innp. Noto
the great rivers to be crossed without
htldges, the desert lands, the savago
tribes, the countries of their old ene
mies, the rugged mountains to be
traversed, hunger, thirst and pain, the
long weary months of travel on foot,
and the desolate city and devastated
homes at the end of their journey.
If we may trust later traditions, the
setting out of the "captivity" for Pal
estine was joyous In the extreme. An
eBcort of 1,000 cavalry accompanied
them, for protection against the des
ert Arabs, then as now given to plun
der, und they started to the music of
tabrets and flutes. Forth from the
gutes of Babylon they rode, to tbe
sound of joyous music a band of
horsemen playing on flutes and tab
rets, accompanied by their own 200
mimirel slaves and 128 singers of the
temple, responding to the prophet's
voice, as they quitted the shade of the
gigantic walls and found themselves
In the open desert beyond. "Go ye out
of Bnbylon. Flee from the Chaldeans,
with a voice of singing declare ye,
tell thin, utter It even to the end of
the earth; say ye, The Eternal hnth
redeemed his servant Jacob." It was
like the procession of the vestal vlr
gins, with the sacred Are In thelt
hands, In their retreat from Home;
like Aeneas with bis household gods
from Troy.
For all who have gone Into the cap
tivity of sin there Is a call to repent
and return to the Father's house. A
book has lately been published giving
the stories of Twice-born men. The
trials and sorrows and pains In the
service of sin are meant to make as
weary of that service and lead us to
repent and return to God. Some one
writes: "If It were not for the slough
of despond and other hindrances by
the way, the kingdom of heaven might
be full of persons unqualified for citi
zenship therein."
The sins that led to the exile were
not a fall upward. The fall Into slu
Is never a full upward. The man who
throws away the "gold, silver and pre
cious stones of life" for the "wood,
hay and stubble," may be saved, but
"so as by fire," a fire that burns up
the little gains of sin. There Is great
joy in returning from captivity of sin,
not only the Joy of the returning wan
derer, but the Joy of the angels who
know how groat beyond conception U
tbe blessing of the return.
ZvWlLBUR P- riSSBIT
ferAThatt
Is there for honest poverty
That harms his head, and a' that
Let him chirk up: we'll fill the bill
T heiresses and a' that.
For a' that, and a' that
The meenlsters anil a' that
The rank requires tha dollar's stamp,
A lulrd's laird, for a' that
Ton see yon lady, peerln' oot
Wl' stocks ami bonds and a' that?
Twa hundred Ithers press their suit
She'll ha'e a lulrd wl' a' that.
Vr a' that and a' ttiat.
Ills riband, star ami a' that;
She'll buy ootriKht and pay cash doon
A laird's a lulrd, for a' that
A prince can mak' a belled knight,
A marquis, duke and a' that;
Her feyther has the siller bright
To buy tho lulrd and a' that
Buy a' that, and a' that,
Ills dlxnity and a' that;
She'll puy his debts and brlnif him Joy
A laird's a laird, fur a' that
What tho' he tarry at tha drink,
And ne'ever come home, and a' thatT
What tho" bis face wud niuk' ye shrink
T UKllness anil a' tint?
For a' that, and a' that.
Tho' pulsled-au'.d and a" that.
Awake a' nlht, asleep a' d.iy
A laird's a laird, for a' that
Then let tis pr:iy that come It may.
As come It will for a' thul!
That lulrd for lulrd the world around
May brlns; his price and a' that
For a' that and a' that,
A wondrous lure Is a" that
Wi'oot a future, wl' a past,
A lulrd's a laird, for a' that
CORROBORATED.
"Judge." soys the lady who Is ac
cused of battering her husband, "It Is
true that I hit him, but I hit him more
In sorrow than In anger the weapon
I used proves that."
"What did you hit him with?"
"A snd Iron, your honor."
A Gleam of Concolation.
Tho young lady from the city has
Just finished rendering her Interpre
tation of a classical selection on the
old square piano ut the country, board
ing house of Mr. Meddergrass.
"My papa." she says, "spent $3,000
on my musical education."
"This Is the first time," mused Mr.
Meddergrass in bis whiskers, "that
I've ever felt half way satisfied for
spending my spare money for gold
bricks."
Trials of a 'Career.
"In that denunclallou scone," says
the stage manager, "you must raise
your hand to high heaven."
"But, If I do," protests the lending
lady, "the calcium light will not strike
my diamond rings." .
Ah, we groundlings who merely pay
admission and applaud at the proper
Intervals have no Idea of the trials of
a stage career.
Makes Things Even.
"Oh, yes," asserts tha eminent
scientist, "we arc receiving and an
swering messages from Mars every
day."
"But If you cannot understand the
messages." asks the dense listener,
"how can you answer them?"
, "But, you see, they cannot under
stand the answers, either," explains
the eminent scientist.
Finished.
"And so you bulieve your daughter's
musical education to be complete?"
we nsk.
"Absolutely." he answers. "Why,
she's now reached the point where
you simply cannot understand a sin
gle word she sings."
Pope Annotated.
" 'Vice Is a monster of such horrid
mien,'" cries the high browed one
"that"
"That we can get five dollars foi
g illery seats," smiles tho astute theat
rlcal manager.
Not Wanted.
"Can't I show you some special of
ferings In flat Irons today, ma'am?"
asked the courteous salesman.
"No. We're living In a houae now."
Among the Big Winds.
"I " said the cottager In the Adlron
da"ks "live near to nature's heart"
"And I," replied the visitor from
Kansas, "live near to nature's luugs
LHbods
Sarsaparilla
Will purify your blood, clear
your complexion, restore your
appetite, relieve your tired feel
ing, build you up. It leads all
other medicines in merit.
Get it today in usual liquid form of
ehocolated tablets called Sarsatabs.
Let me fall In trying to do some
thing rather than sit still und do noth
ing. Cyrus Hamlin.
Why is it that so manv people suffer
with Lume Back? Hamlin Wizitrd Oil
will cure it and fur Aches, Sprains,
Brtiixcs, Cuts, Burns, etc., there is noth
ing better.
It Is still about as easy to find a
man who will sell bis birthright for
a mess of pottage as It was In the
time of ICsau.
TO DK1VE Ot'T MA LA It I A
AM lll lLU I V TIIK SYSTEM.
Take the OUI Hmniliiril CKDVItX TASTKI.KS
dill. I. 'ItiNIO. You know oliut jrou urn Ukius.
'J'lie furuiiils Is plainly iirinteil nn eri'i-y boiilt,
slHtwInu It In simply Vlllnlntt iiqu Iron la A tufttelent
form, snit the uiohi etrm-timl iurui. sur gruwa
puupUi Siid clilldrua. U cuuit.
Hopeless.
First Motorist I have driven a car
for two years and I've never yet run
down anybody.
Second Motorist (disgustedly) Why
don't yuti quit trying and hire a chauf
feur? I'uck.
important to Mothers
Examine carefully every bottle of
CASTOHIA, a safe and sure remedy for
Infants and children, and see that It
Bears the
Signature
In Use For Over 30 Years.
Children Cry for Fletcher's Custom
A Perilous Duty,
"My position," remarked the emi
nent physician, "Is one requiring the
greatest tact and diplomacy."
"What Is the trouble?"
"I feel conscientiously obliged to
tell several of my most wealthy and
Influential patients tbut tbey overeat'
All of 'Em Fans.
A man little acquainted with the
stage and Its people went to see the
"Friars' Frolic" and was surprised to
find that the Cohans were Irish. lis
was talking to Tom Cavauaugh about
It
"Why." said he. "I understand that
when in town they are regular at
tendants at the church In your parish,
lorn."
Sure," Bald Tom. "They're tans."
Chicago Post.
Circumstantial Evidence.
A Scotchman and his wife were vis
iting, lu a wild, beautiful part of the
country. While driving one day with
their host, the two men sitting to
gether In the front seat while the lady
sat behind, they crossed a high bridg
which spanned a roaring torrent. Aa
unusually loud splash caught the gen
tlemen's attention for a moment, but
nothing was saiu. Alter several mu
the gentleman turned to address a
remark to his wUe. but her seat ww
empty.
"Aye," he remarked to his host,
"that will be you splash we beuril"
Housekeeper.
HIS MONEY'S WORTH.
: TL.
"Ha! ha! ha! And I wus jusi n-s-tin'
that I'd spent a wholo cent wr
that banana!"
A FINE NIGHT-CAP
Tho Best Thing In the World to Go
Bed and Sleep On.
"My wife and I find that 4 tcaP
fula of Crape-Nuts and a cup of
milk, or some cream, with It maws
the finest night-cap in the world,
an Alleghany, Pa., man.
"We go to sleep as soon aa w
the bed. and slumber like babies u
rising time in the morning.
"It Is about 3 yeans now since we
gan to use Grape-Nuts food, and
always hove It for breakfast and w
fore retiring and sonetl,,ieVor,l',oM
I was so sick from what the doct r
called acute Indigestion and brain
before I began to use Grape-Nuis u.
could neither eut, sleep nor worn
any comfort. (im4
"I was afflicted at the wme UW
with the most Intense pains, accoo 1 1
led by a racking headache ami
ache, every time I tried to eat "J
thing. Notwithstanding "",
pressure from my professional du J
i was conmetled for a time to 8"
my work altogether. . . 0j
"Then I put myself on. a a
Grape-Nuts nd cream
occasional cup of Postum t I
up, and sometimes a little W I
assure you that lu less than
felt like a new man; I had gain'
pounds In weight, could Bleep
and think well. . , 9i
"The good worn weuv -
Boon ready to return to " ,;,, It
have been hard at U. and enjoy
ever since. onjr on
"Command me at any 0rap.
enquires as to the merit"
Nuts. You will find me ftlap()Stffl
to testify." Name given W
Co.. Battle Creek, M en. t
Read the little book, -Th r
Wellvllle." in pkgs. "There ' ,
from tim : ., .,t hu
! BBoln, tr,
Interest,
"Mk t WW I L-MT