LITERATURE JAmono; (.he thinga I've never aeea I Josie Daskant type of kid The kind (see any manaine) That talka aa lire one never did; Put then I'd flee, I'm frank in any inn. If such one toward me came atraying. I never henrd a peraon talk The way H. .lamed ran mnke tlicm aplelj Think how Dame Nature e'en must balk When Henry 'a dope's palmed off aa real; But if thia type lived in the nation ,Who'd atop to grasp it a conversation? Basil Deane, artist, Becking In spiration, found it in a remote French Canadian hill village. Aa he paused outside a cheerful red mill a week after he had first seen the place a low-toned melodious voice close at hla elbow said: "Monsieur smllps! Monsieur has happy things to think about!" Basil looked down and saw a little old-fashioned figure, and a pair of soft eyes. "I am glad to see monsieur smile." And this time Basil noticed a peculiar" tenderness in the voice. 'I have watched him every day for a week, and he has always seemed grave and absorbed." Quite unconsciously, Basil was walking along by her side, and now said: "It is a pretty place for a home. One might easily enough dream away a summer's day here." "But we do not dream here, we work," said the girl, smiling. "What do you do?" "We make ribbons ribbons as fine as those of Lyons. Does mon sieur know that he literally stum bled over me but yesterday?" "I did not know it, but I ask your pardon." "Oh, you need not humiliate your self before me. I am only Marguer ite, the ribbon weaver. If it were Pauline now, she would make a stately courtesy and say that mon sieur was forgiven." "And who is Pauline?" said Basil, amused. The girl's face assumed a puzzled look. "That Is not easy to say," she re plied, in a mysterious, low tone. "I sometimes think she is a princess In disguise, and at other times, when I am angry because she scolds me, I say she is only a cross old woman whom some day I shall run away from. And now I must bid monsieur good day." "Walt," said Basil, hastily. "You who know the village so well should be able to tell me of some hospitable person who takes lodgers." "Does monsieur wish to stay? Why,then, Pauline is the very wo man who will be pleased to oblige him. Yonder she lives." And she nodded a gay good-by and tripped away. It seemed as if the sunshine had been suddenly withdrawn. Basil gazsd after her a moment, then crossed the street to the house. In I. t. aa ctu UIU V WlllUll 1C131111J Oil JV l woefully wrinkled old woman, but bright and keen as if she were but twenty. Basil caught the gleam of a glittering Jewel upon her bosom, "Monsieur can come. You want quiet? You Bhall have It. There Is no one to disturb except my grand child. Marguerite, a madcap girl whose acquaintance it will be well to discourage is you would be quiet. Louis Duval, Deane's nearest friend, received two letters one day in his rich apartments In the great city. The first was from his law yer: "Dear Duval: I have been looking after your affairs, but don't come to any positive conclusion.. Evidence tends to show the existence of the person to whom the codicil to the will refers, but she seems to have disap peared mysteriously, and as yet 1 have' found no clue to her where abouts. You are so well off now, and so generous, that I suppose you wouldn't break your heart if this new claimant should appear." "Don't think I should! I'd gladly divide the property with any one who . shared my name. And now, Basil Deane, for you!" "My Dear Louis You never did a kinder thing than when you took my picture oft my bands and sent me into the country. I think I never lived before. It nothing happens mean to do something else than dream henceforth. "I am housed with an old woman and a young girl. I have not quite made out the relation between them yet, but it is apparently one of in terest rather than affection. The old woman's face is as yellow as the gold that she loves so well, but her eyes are as bright as diamonds. And speaking of diamonds reminds me of a remarkable ornament that 1 she wears. It Is a Greek cross, the arms studded with glittering Btones, pure and brilliant as stars. I ventured to make a remark concerning it when I had been there a week. " 'Those are very fine diamonds of ycurs, Mile. Pauline,' I said. The old woman started and I fancied grew pale. " 'Diamonds! monsieur; you must be joking. How Bhould an old woman like me wear diamonds?' she said sharply. " 'Your brooch is an heirloom, I suppose? - " 'No, monsieur) I hav6 no ances tors; I ani only one of the hour geolse.' " 'For all that,' I said, positively, 'those are Dne diamonds.' 'Paste, monsieur, paste! They do these things with wonderful art la France!' said the old woman, "Now I could have sworn to the genuineness of the diamonds, but let the subject drop. I am, however quite curious In regard to this old woman. Nobody in the village knows anything of her antecedents. "My feeling for Marguerite that Is the girl's name Is not curiosity I am afraid I fell In love with her before I painted her portrait. That process Is, however, begun. "3ke scarcely glaaced at the pic ture the first two or tlwee days, but aND LIFE. I've never aeen Jack Tendon's Itiml, Whs finlil three battle every day, And ne'er ia in peaceful mind Unless mixed up in a melee; Tn fnct, I'd think It strictly propef ' To hand audi to the neareat copper. There ia no Raffle in life' fold, And likewise there's no Sherlock Holme; No one so clever, or o bold, Thia stupid footatool ever ronmed; In fact, if you want life, not diction, Don't hunt for it in modern fiction. Denver Republican. IAMONDS HE one day she peeped over my shoulder. Her surprise was charming. " 'Am I like that?' she said, her soft, large eyes full of wondering de light. " 'Like it, but more beautiful.' " 'Monsieur is very good,' she re plied, with downcast eyes. 'But the picture is like one that Pauline has locked up in her drawer. I do not now who it is, but sometimes I think it is my mother.' Presently I said: 'Don't you remember your moth er?' " 'Ah, no! when I look back it is only Pauline, nothing but Pauline.' " 'Only Pauline! and what Is the matter with Pauline, pray?' said a wiry, sinuous voice, and looking, we both saw the wrinkled, yellow visage of the old woman. A look of vivid dislike crossed the girl's face, and she hastened away. Who is Marguerite?' I said, ab ruptly. 'Do you not guess? What should she be but a poor foundling whoc. for Bweet charity's sake I adopted?' "Something In the subtle evil look in oil Pauline's face as she said this made me certain that it was a lie. Then Marguerite returned. " 'Letters, monsieur!' she said. "The superscription of yours caught my eye in an instant. In my surprise and pleasure I pronounced your name aloud. There was an in stantaneous crash at the other end of the room. I turned astonished and beheld that hideous old Pauline her face a deathly, yellowish white, and her eyes wide open and glaring fixed ly upon me. " 'Monsieur!' she said, in a strange, harsh voice. Marguerite ran for ward. 'Pauline, Pauline!' she said, In terror. 'Are you ill?' I asked, going up to her. " 'Thanks, monsieur! I am not ill. Twas an accursed wasp stung me. Mon Dleu! 'twas like a stab,' she re plied, angrily. "The sting was a pretense. Could the mention of your name have af fected her so powerfully? Am I right in my impression that your family is from Southern France?" For answer to this voluminous epistle, Basil received a half sheet from his friend: "I am coming; expect me on Thursday." Basil came in at dinner time, his eyes shining with pleasure at this prospect. "Monsieur has good news," said Pauline, with a scrutinizing look at his face. Basil glanced at her and perceived that the glittering brooch was miss' ing. "You are right. Mile. Pauline. My friend, Louis Duval, is coming to make me a visit. Would it be con venient for you to accommodate my friend also?" Monsieur and his friend are most welcome to the whole house," re turned Pauline, in a peculiar tone. It seemed to Basil Deane that night as if his life had but Just begun. Hitherto he had failed, and his lire had had too many burdens, and too tew hopes, for him to think ot asking another to share it; but now all was changed; nothing seemed impossible, He loved Marguerite. While he thought ot her, he saw the nutter ot her light dress In one ot the shaded alleys. "Marguerite!" he said, coming upon her suddenly. Ah, It Is you, monsieur?" and her face was Illumined. I want you, Marguerite, to have and to keep forever." Her hands trembled she faltered out: I thought Pauline sent you for me!" "Nobody sent me. I saw you and came because I love you and wanted to be with you. Will you be my wife, Marguerite?" Your wife, monBleur! I am poor ribbon weaver!" her Innocent eyes lifted to his In frank surprise, And I am a poor artist. There is no disparity between us. The only question is ot your loving me." "There Is no question of that, mon sleur." The moon had dropped below the dark belt ot forest that shut in the little valley where Basil tell asleep, When he awjke the sun was far up the sky. The remembrance of the past night came to him like a dream of Ineffable happiness. When he came downstairs he opened the door ot the little kitchen, It was still and empty; no fire on the hearth; uo signs ot lite anywhere, He crossed the room, and after tap ping at the door of the bedroom where Pauline slept, opened it and looked in. The bed had been undls turbed since the day before. The women ha.d disappeared. A thorough examination ot the houBe showed that, while no, bulky articles had been taken, nothing ot value was left, The next day BaBll Deane present ed hluiBelf In the city and told Louis of the mysterious flitting. LouiB mobile race nad grown sober. Ho halt-opened his lips to speak, but the distress in Basil countenance checked the words. He was thinking. "You do not speak Tou think 1 am deceived!" "I am afraid you are," gently. "Upon my life I am not," said Basil, eagsrly, "I an a tool in world ty matters If you say so, but I know a pure, true woman when I see her And I'll find Marguerite!" He began his search at once, Louis Duval sometimes aiding him, and oftener, as time went by, trying to dissuade him. It was two years after Marguerite's disappearance, and during that time Basil Deane had become a popular artist. His pictures were no longer hung In obscure corners at the exhi bitions, but were the centre ot ad miring crowds. One evening, while waiting with Louis, he stepped Into a goldsmith's shop upon some trifling errand.. A shabby, foreign-looking man stood by the counter. "But if monsieur would be good enough to look at this," said the man, with French accent, and directly a lucid point shone out. Basil's hand tightened overhir friend's arm. 'That Is the jewel I told you of. I know Its setting," he said, in an ex cited whisper. "Where did you get this?" de manded the goldsmith, looking at him with suspicion. "It Is a family Jewel, returned the man, hurriedly, but, as II alarmed, the man began to put the trinket up. "If monBleur does not want it I will offer it elsewhere," he said, and went out. Our two friend? silently followed, and at last came tc a narrow alley. Before a tall, shabby house the man stopped. A hand war laid upon his shoulder. 'You are to explain how that jewel came Into your possession, said Basil, with resolution. "Monsieur, the brooch is my wife's," said th man. 'Indeed! We will go in then and inquire of her." And Basil put hli hand upon the bell-pull. 'For heaven's sake, gentlemen don't do that," said the man, in fear. Pauline will be angry." Basil's heart leaped. For a mo ment he was Incapable of speech. The shabby man opened the door and ran up a long flight. In a moment BasP Deane and Louis Duval followed. A shriek burst from Pauline's lips, and then she sank down in a corner Somebody came forward. "Monsieur!" "Marguerite!" The name was a glad cry, and his arms were open to receive her. Marguerite's cheeks flushed. She looked In wonder from one to the other, her color visibly rising undei Louis' eager gaze. And he seemed unable to remove his eyes from her. 'Who are you? What do you want?" said Pauline, her eyes gleam ing maliciously. . "Gently, madame! you know that but for one or two things you would be in the galleys at Toulon," said Duval. " 'Tis a He! You don't know any thing about it!" she cried. "Then I must recall a few passages In your life to your remembrance; and I do it as much for the sake of that girl as for yours," said Louis. You know that when you were my mother's bonne, In the contusion of her illness you stole her diamonds and had paste substituted for them. It was the brooch which - was my father's wedding present to her that betrayed you at last." Pauline dropped .her face in her hands. "And then, when my father mar ried again, he retained you because of your supposed kindness to my mother. And when my grandfather. angry at this second match, and de spising Marguerite's mother peas ant-born, but noble-hearted let you see his hate, you fanned It with lies, and when at last the poor young creature died in my father's absence, you were ready, for money, to steal Marguerite. Now go and get my dia monds! " She obeyed humbly, bringing them from a dingy closet, where they lay In a rough box beneath a pile of rub bish. Louis took the lucid gems out ot their rough casket. Their splen dor illumined the room. "Here, Marguerite, little sister!" He hung them upon her soft, brown curls, dropped them in shining links around her white throat and fastened them to the dainty wrists. She stood there between her brother and her lover, adorned like a queen, and happier in her simple woman hood than any queen ot them all. Amanda M. Hale. India's Cotton Tree. London Commercial Intelligence recently printed a letter from J. R. Spence at Wallas Cotton Plantation, Deese, who claims to have discov ered a variety of cotton tree, Indigen ous to India, capable ot revolutioniz ing the cotton Industry of that coun try. He says the tree grows in vari ous parts of Bombay and Madras Presidencies, which produces cotton Infinitely superior both in classifica tion and staple to American cotton and in classification alone cannot be equaled by Egypt. It is an astonish ing fact that the value of the tree's product has not up to this time been discovered by any one in the cotton trade, notwithstanding the fact that the tree has been known to exist since the time ot the mutiny and probably for hundreds of years prev iously. The only uses the cotton it produces has been put to are the manufacture ot wickB tor lamps in Hindu temples and the stuffing ot beds and pillows. After careful ex amination of the cotton, Mr. Spence unhesitatingly expressed the opinion that it would probably revolutionize the cotton Industry ot India and largely reduce the European demand tor American cotton. Same True of Spelling, When I was in England, before the "entente cordlale," I discussed the metric system with an English man. The English system of weights and measures, he admitted, was com plex, bat he said It was precisely be cause of Its Innumerable difficulties that it constituted a marvelous in strument for making supple the young brains which filled the Eng4ish schools. M. Grlmui, iu Le Journal ot Paris. The peanut crop In the Unite States now amounts to 11,000,000 bushels annually. The total sales amount to between ft, 000,000 and 10,000,000. J ' The Mexican Central Railway has used concrete blocks for the roof lin ing of tunnels, being cheaper than cut stone. These blocks weighed about 108 pounds each, so that one man could handle them and place them in the arch. Delicate speed-regulating appara tus Is required when a dynamo Is geared direct to a windmill. In a new system the windmill pumps water into a hydraulic accumulator, and water from this kept by auto matic valves at a pressure ot seventy five pounds per square Inch drives the dynamo. A storage battery saves the surplus power in the usual way. A wire-rope tramway for trans porting Iron ore has been built near Fort Montgomery, N. Y., on the Hud son River, for the Hudson Iron Com pany. The tramway Is 6300 feet long and delivers the ore at a point 390 feet below the starting point. Its capacity is twenty-three tons per hour. The ore buckets are perma nently attached to the rope and are loaded by a traveling automatic load er or hopper. Lord Kelvin, the well-known scien tist, has written a letter to the Times, of London, concerning discussions be' fore the British Association for the Advancement of Science. He pro tests against the inference that he lium may be produced from radium and the Idea of the gradual evolu tion of one metal from the other. He also expresses himself as against the hypothesis that the heut of the sun or the earth is due to radium. He believes It to be mainly due to gravi tation. M. Camllle Herrgott, a well known French engineer, is said to have invented a peculiar method ot charging cloth with electricity in or der to furnish heat to the wearer in cold weather. The idea is carried out by means of fine electric wires woven into the cloth, to charge which a very fine battery is needed. He calls his Invention the "electric thermophlle," and claims for it that It can be used in connection with all kinds of fabrics, and does not alter their ordinary appearance or their usual flexibility. VAST STORE OF WEALTH, Mother Earth Has Supplied the World's Greatest Fortunes. Belt's vast wealth came from mines diamonds, gold and copper like the immense fortune of Senator William A. Clark, of Montana; like the $25,000,000 or more accumula ted by Cecil Rhodes. The earth was also the source of the wealth ot both John D. Rocke feller and his brother William. The same thing is true of Carnegie's great store of wealth. It waB really dug from iron mines iron and coal. Krupp piled up the largest estate In Germany in like manner. He made his money by manufacturing :he product of Iron mines. The earth is a magnificent store bouse ot wealth. It has proved more trultful of Immense fortunes than the vast transportation business which made the fortunes ot the Van ierbllts and the Goulds, Hill, Harrl man and the rest ot the railroad kings. It has beaten the mere owner- ship and the use of the surface of the ground, Astor fashion, says the Cleveland Leader. Whereupon the Manufacturer's Record adds; Yes, and the great centre of the earth's storehouse is the South. Think of its coal area, nearly three times as great as the combined coal fields ot Great Britain, Germany and Pennsylvania; of its iron . ore, far surpassing in quantity that which made the fortunes of Carnegie and Krupp; of its oil, promising to ex ceed In yield all that went to make the fortunes of the Rockefellers; ot Us sulphur, which dominates the world's sulphur trade; ot its phos phate, which holds the same unique, position in the world's fertilizer in dustry; of its vast stores of cement making materials, the industry which promises to rival Iron and steel; ot its copper and other higher forms of minerals, and then let your imagin ation attempt to forecast the vastness oi the wealth which this mineral storehouse of the world is to turn loose in the South. By Ha'l to Siberia. With the incorporation In New Jersey of the Trans-Alaskan Siberian Railway Company, with an author ized capital of $6,000,000, the first step toward the Joining of the old and new worlds is taken, and the world in general will await with some interest the further progress of the scheme of the French, Russian and American syndicates which hope to carry the plans to a successful con clusion. The new Incorporation Is the result ot a contract entered into by a special commission appointed by the Czar of Russia and Loicq De Lot bel In 1906. The main line is to start from Kansk station on the Trans-Siberian Railway and to run easterly to the boundary of Amur province; thence to a point between Yakoutuk and Okatsk, thence to Bering Strait with various branches. The main road will be about 3750 miles long and the branch road 2250 miles. The Alaska terminal will be Cape Prince of Wales, Sew ard Peninsula. Conection is to be made by a tunnel under Bubrlng Strait. Of course the cost ot the con struction will bo enomous, running well into nine figures, and this $6,000,000 is a merely nominal cap italization. BoEion Adve-tlser, Iu Honor of the Clo'h. Clergymen all over the country ara greatly relieved at the reported decision ot the Oxfordshire Educa tion Committee to dismiss the head mistress of Bamptou Aston School for taking hold of the vicar and Blink ing him. It the practice had been allowed to proceed unchecked, the prestige of the church might hav been seriously Impaired. Punch. SUCCESS NOT ALWAYS THE RESULT OF VIRTUE By WILBUR L B0NNEY; From a perusal and comparison ot many current writings on the subject of success, It appears that no definite meaning Is conveyed by the term "succoss." In one article a man who after fifteen years of struggle has es tablished himself In the grocery busi ness Is given as an example of suc cess; In another paper a man who has worked tip from a messenger boy at 93 per week to foreman at $25 per week is set forth as an example of what may be achieved; in still oth ers It is Implied, it not actually ex pressed, that nothing short ot a bank president, railroad official or million aire can be really considered success ful. This is confusing to the young man who wishes to know what the world expects of him, and to what he must aspire in order to hope to enter the golden circle of the "successful." In the advice and Interviews kindly lavished by the men who have been successful, with a capital S, It ap pears that they always claim, ex plicitly or by Implication, that the success is due to their virtues. Now, it is morally certain that many of them owe their Buccesa to their im moral qualities, to the fact that they have overreached, browbeaten or ruined competitors, neighbors and even friends. They set themselves upon a pedes tal, however, and invite the public to believe that it Is their virtues that have been rewarded by an apprecia tive fate with the crown ot wealth or position. These things confuse the uninitiated and discourage those who know that they themselves deserve some measure ot success If virtue is to be the criterion. The fact is, the successful, In the ordinary acceptance ot the term, us ually conceal the essential point in relating their experience. Some for tunate accident, some happy connec tion, or, perhaps, some act of indirec tion or unconsidered speculation, was the key, and that point they do not reveal: they would rather have it believed that they did it all by delib erate purpose, and by the exercise of respectable virtue and superior shrewdness. If you will dig into the biography of almost all wealthy men you will find some such crisis at Which they passed from the ranks of wage earn ers to the class ot those to whom suc cess opens wide its portals. In other words, there was some det'nlte trans action which lifted them out of the ranks end made them eligible to higher honors. One instance of this kind happened In this way: A poor and idle, but fairly intelligent, young man was making a precarious living on the outskirts of the real estate business In Minneapolis. His virtues were not :onspicuous and if success were cast ing about for some one upon whom to work her magic spell she would probably have had to seek this young man at the races or the ball game, lie learned through his real estate connection that a large semi-public corporation desired to purchase a forty acre tract near the city and wasi about to open negotiations with the owner. The young man went to the rec ords, found that the owner of the and was a widow living in a small Iowa town, who had not seen her laud for over fifteen years. He boarded the train, went to the widow. Informed her that he wished to en large his farm and would consider taking her forty-acre tract it she would sell cheap. She finally signed a contract agreeing to deed the land to him for $3000. The serai-public corporation two months afterward paid him $40,000 for the tract, and the man is now pointed out as one who has earned success as the result ot certain virtues which he Indeed never possessed. This land transac tion he alwayB omits when he fur nishes interviewers with a short sketch of his path to success. The matter ot chance Is also neg lected In the average talk upon thia subject. In the game ot life, where, thero are so many players, it must happen by the law of chance that a few are favored out of all proportion to the rest. The law ot chance must favor some without regard to person ality. If a piece of land passes through the hands of twenty owners, some one of them will own it when a city is located thereon; the other nineteen will be considered lacking n foresight, while to the lucky owner will be ascribed all the virtues which cluster about the wealthy; whereas he may have taken the land on a bad debt, or in a horse trade, without foresight and without deliberation. If by Buccess one means a compe tence secured at the age ot sixty, it is no doubt within the reach of all healthy, Intelligent young men, and the old-fashioned virtues ot frugality, honesty, patience and calculating judgment are the only sure means of reaching It. Even In this modest aspiration the man with all these virtues In his favor may fail by one false step, but his experience in the school of self control will do much to prevent such a step, and after many days of such strenuous and unromantte plodding, life will not open to him and show him that virtue is not in vain, that the wise and conservative precepts of the ages are true. Indeed, to him who masters himself and alms at only what is possible by honest means and patient, contented study of the laws by which permanent re sults are gaihet Brilliant exceptions do not form a basis for reasoning. It is not safe to draw conclusions from exceptional cases. A few examples of quick and phenomenal success do not form any basis for reasoning about the chances ot the average man. It is poor logic to argue from exceptions Instead ot from the rule, and it is not tho rule for two-pnth boys to become presi dents. Such examples as Mr. Schwab nnd Mr. Gates are very exceptional rflSP It fll fai- UOfap an.4 innA. detcrmlno what Is tho usual result ot a lifetime's energy and intelli gence, nnd to lay pluns accordingly, than to be led iu optimistic conclu sions by nrgulng from striking excep tions and disregarding the dull and inexorable rule. Retail Clorks' In ternational AdvocsUo. IX THE TVTHOOX. What the Great Wind Did Off tho Harbor of Hongkong. Shortly before dawn the Sado Maru was hove to and forged into the head sea. About this time the glass began to rise, the worst was past. At dawn bugs seas surged past the side, the trough of the waves was white with foam and the crests snatched up by the wind caused a dense spume-formed mist over the whole waters. The sea was strewn with wreck age; everywhere spars, sails, timber and wave-swept derelicts evidenced the havoc among the Junks. About 10 a. m. on Tuesday great excitement was caused by a man being sighted about a mile away, clinging to some wreckage. The ship altered course and an attempt was made to reach the mast and shred ot sail to which he clung. The first effort failed, the second was better; first a buoy then a bow line reached him and he was hauled on board. He was livid from exhaustion and exposure and unable to stand the sole survivor of a crew of twenty. This was only the beginning. A few miles further a tangle of spars supported six. Including two women; then a junk with only the poop out of water yielded two men and a child. Still further another Junk in similar plight gave two more. And so on, from every form of raft, till a total of elxty-Blx was reached, in cluding one Englishman, a pilot. A man who was on board H. M. S. Tamar writes: VThe whole time there was an endless procession of junks and sam pans, mostly dismasted, tearing past the ship, some abandoned and others with several wretches still on board, all very terrified, doing Joss-pidgin to their gods, and throwing joss papers into the water. The majority of them were rudderless as wsl) as mastless and consequently complete ly at the mercy of the elements. It was pitiable to see them passing so close and yet to be powerless to rescue them. They shouted and screamed at every steam launch that came within sight to take them off, but the launches had enough to do to look after themselves. A party of about six men in a loaded coal lighter was rescued by a launch Just abreast the ship. They appeared quite cool and stepped on board the launch and then returned to the lighter and fetched the boxes con taining al their worldly goods and then went off, leaving a poor little chow dog In the lighter to await the end. South China Morning Post. WORDS OF WISDOM. A man thinks he is mighty good to his wife to let her think he is. Half the fun of being rich seems to be trying to get richer with it. If it wasn't on her head you would think a woman's hat was a flying ma chine. A man has to holler pretty loud to get any one to take stock in his vir tues. A millionaire never feels that he has to speak of his house as a resi dence. When a man talks about "accept ing" a job it is a sign the salary is small. We support our children so that they can raise their children tor us to support. There is hardly any Investment that is more ot a risk than marrying for money. The most dangerous thing about engagements is that they usually lead to marriages. It's mighty unfortunate for most people that they look so much like themselves. The reason women hate mathe mathics so much ia because thsy fcavve to do with ages. Maybe it people loved their nll dren less they would be able to sup port themselves. No matter how much a woman dis approves swearing she is grateful her husband is so manly. The only men who don't waste a good deal of their money are those who haven't it to waste. Keeping up appearances keeps more men down In their finances than any other one thing in the world. The devil gets a lot of help in his work from people who insist on driv ing you desperate with thel good advice. There Is hardly anything that can shock a sentimental girl more than to find the way a poet can like steak and fried potatoes. It men who are engaged want to be successful husbands they will do well to save up some of their love making for ' use after marrlage From "Reflections ot a Bachelor," in the New York Press. Told of Professor Lounsbury. The recent unofficial opinion of the United States Supreme Court in the matter of simplified spelling lends especial point to the following anec dote ot Professor Lounsbury, the noted grammarian, of Yale, who, as Is well known, has democratic and liberal views on the subject of the English language. Professor Louns bury, according to Harper's Weekly, apposes those who would substitute tor simple terms pedantic ones -those who would claim, for instance, that tho phrase "To-morrow is Sun Jay" is Incorrect, and would write Instead: "To-morrow will be Sun lay." Professor Lounsbury discussing the question ot simple English, said It Yale one afternoon: "There was a little boy who began to keep a diary. His first entry was 'Got up this morning at 7 o'clock He showed the entry to his mother, and she, horror-stricken, said: ."Have you never been to school? Got up, Indeed! Such an expression! Does the sun get up? No, it rises." "'And she scratched out 'Got up at T and wrote 'Rose at ?' In Us place, "That night the boy, before retlr. Ing, ended the entry for the day wti.h the sentence, 'Set at o'clock.' " Cupid's Master. Though Cupid get th credit For love affair we Jee, There' one match maker greater. And that's cupidity. Puck. r All Depend. "This man paid $250,000 for hi seat. What do you say to that?" "High for the stock exchange; low. for the Senate." Courier-Journal. .. A Misunderstanding. "What on earth are you doing to me?" asked the Indignant patient. "Kneading your stomach," replied the great physician. "Well, let up; I may be needing it myself one of these dys." Chicago News. . Physical Impossibility. The House Cat "You're getting fat and apoploctlc. I can see your finish." The Pug Dog (making an effort to turn his head but giving it up) "That's more than I can do, any low." Chicago Tribune. In the Department Store. "Oh, my!' woman who exclaimed the excited had mislaid her bus- band. "I'm looking for a small man with one eye ' Well, ma 'am," replied the polite "If he's a small man, better use both eyes." Ledger. floorwalker, maybe you'd Philadelphia Base Slander. "Your hunband," said Mrs. High mus, graclour.ly, "Is decidedly inter esting and original, even if he does sometimes blow his own horn a little "It isn't bo!" indignantly ex claimed Mrs. Gaswell. "My husband always uses his handkerchief!"' Chicago Tribune. A Wise Son. "A dislike." Bald the gentle philos opher, "should not lead us to any active demonstration. We should merely seek to avoid its object." "Maybe my boy Josh has more sense than I gave him credit for." re Joined Farmer Corntossel. "That's exactly the way he feels about work of all kinds." Washington Star. Early Explorations. "Johnny, you have been very quiet for the last half hour," observed Mrs. Towne, who had been busy welcom ing her brother, who had just ar rived on a visit. "What have you been doing, dear?" "Me?" said Johnny, "why, I've been going through Uncle Charlie's dress suit case." Detroit Free Press. Nothing to Regret. J "Had a good time on the Fourth, I suppose?" With his one sound hand Johnny pushed his bandages aside. "You bet I did," he answered. ' "But how about your burns?" "Huh! I don't care. It was the very last cannon cracker I had that blowed me up." Philadelphia Ledger. Didn't Blame the Church. "Can I Induce you to go to church?" asked the earnest evan gelist. "O! not for mine, doc," replied the hobo. "Perhaps you have some feelings against the church that may be "No, I ain't got no grudge agin it; mine was a home-weddin'." Phila delphia Press. Violated All Precedent. "Were you ever really glad to hang a man?" "Only once," answered the Sheriff. "I had prepared him a hearty break fast of Bteak, eggs, potatoes, waffles and coffee." "Yes?" "And the infernal ingrate demand ed stewed oats Instead." Louisville Courier-Journal. Whom the Old Man Feared. "Say," said Mrs. Nuritch. "your father's got to stop smokln' his pipe In the parlor. You'll have to speak to him; he won't mind me." "He ain't afraid o' me, neither," replied Nuritch. 'Well, something's got to be done." "If I wasn't afraid o' scaring the old man too bad I'd get the butler after him." Philadelphia Press. It Depends. "Do you think any man can be la love and be sane at the same time?" "It depends on what he Is in love with. If the object of bis affection be beautiful, a good cook, able to make her own clothes and willing to overlook it If he doesn't call her Pet or Darling in public, I don't see why there should be any reason to doubt tis sanity." Chicago Record-Herald. Transformed. "How did your son get along at college?" "Well," replied farmer Kornkob, meditatively, "it made a new man ot him." , "Indeed! In what way?" "He's forgotten everything he ought to know about the farm, and learned everything he ought not to know about the city." Milwaukee Sentinel. Supply and Demand. "I tell you," Bald the passenger with the skull cap, "there is some thing wrong with a country wher a prize-fighter can make more n.ouey in one night than a college professor can make in five years!" "You're right, pard," said the pas senger ' with the loud check suit. "There's too blamed many college professors and too blamed few grs:i prize-fighters.". Chicago Trint'" V