The . Borthwick Theory
By E. C.
professor John Borthwick closed
Ms front door at 9.14 a. m., one mo
ment ahead of scheduled time. This
enabled him to collect a scrap of
paper from his lawn and Inter It de
cently In a bed of variegated lctves
fallen from the maples bordering the
roadway. The sharp October breeze
exhumed It r.lmost before his back
was turned, and his housekeeper,
watching from an upper window, ob
served that men with a vast amount
of brain showed an extraordinary
want of common sense.
Professor Borthwick with the al
phabet transposed after his name
walked to the end of the block and
turned the corner that brought the
buildings of tflo Canadian Geological
Survey Into view. For a generation
past he had been one of the depart
ment's shlulng lights; over and above
all, he was the Borthwick Theory.
it was impossible, In scientific cir
cles, to discuss the pre-glaclal period
In Polar regions without reference to
the Borthwick Theory. It permeated
ttie calculations of two decades of
geologists as Inevitably as the knowl
edge that certain fossils were char
acteristic of certain horizons. The
world over the Theory was discussed
and Quoted, argued ond dissented
from. Ot course, there was dissen
sion the very magnitude of the
theme courted criticism from Its bear
ing upon vast economic possibilities
In the Northwest provinces, as yet
but partially explored. Not that Pro
fessor Borthwick concerned bin-self
Intimately with economic questions;
his lntsrests were centred In the
course of events before Man was.
The Theory bad its orlsln in a
handful of obncure fossils collected
by the professor !n early manhood,
when field Instructions hud taken
lilm, one of a band ot pioneers, Into
unexplored r.rions bordering upon
th Arctic.
Years passed, and each season
found him pursuing his lnveslliv.il !o;is
with patient, unswerving energy ;
those untrodden lands became divi
sions, the divisions districts; widea
wake prospectors began to follow In
the Geologlcal's Survey's footsteps;
Professor Borthwick continued to col
li rt fossils in summer and detcmiv.o
tucm in winter, and slowly but sure
ly hia researches strengthened his
tonvictions.
Borthwick on Nort'awesten geology
.ttainod'', lmportunee In the eyes of
r' uepai'tment, his views passed, In
process of time, to wider acceptance
as Dr. Borthwlck's Theories, and
finally attained impressive, singular
and International significance as the
Borthwick Theory.
The Professor aged with the
Theory; younger men went into the
field, able where he was now un
able ' withstand the hardships en
tailed; he remained In his labora
tory, and on the evidences of their re
searches continued to deduce and es
tablish the Theory, link by link.
.Year by year he hoped for the con
clusive results that would blazen It
on time's records as incontrovertible
fact.
He paused on the steps of the sur
vey with a dawning seii?e of misgiv
ing. Suppose that, in place of con
firmatory evidence, the season's work
served to weaken the foundations of
the Theory, or In any way suggested
the possibility of hi3 critics being
light and he wrong. Even In the
home survey there were men who
doubted youths of thirty-five and
forty who based their arguments on
experience that, compared with Pro
fessor Borthwlck's, was Insignificant.
A sido door Into the building
opened to exude a couple of empty
crates, Indication, therefore, that the
fossils and mineral specimens col
fected In the past season were un
packed and awaiting identification.
The Professor's autumnal elation
reasserted Itself, his forebodings van
ished; entering the Survey, he said
good-morning to the janitor in a tone
that caused tho oftlcial to note
thoughtfully that he mounted the
stairs to the next floor taking two at
a time.
A spirit of bustle and rejuvenation
pervaded the Survey; tho Held par
ties were assembling day by day from
all quarters, and exchanging specl
menu r.nd experiences.
In a -orrldor 2'rofessor iiorthwlck
happened upon a man fresh from the
centre to him of vital Interest.
They paused for an lntarchange ot
greetings. The Professor was popu
lar with the younger generation fol
lowing his footsteps In the North
west; Its solitudes bore everlasting
witness of him and of their esteem,
even though the Theory should pass,
In a Borthwick mountain, a Borth
wick river, and lakes to match.
"A suicessful season, I hope, Till
man?" said the Professor punctilious
ly, but with an undernote of eager
ness In his voice that was unmistak
able. "Tha"s lor you to decide, Profes
sor," the younger man replied.
"There's a crateful of specimens walt-1-g
for you, some of them new, I
think. Wo followed up the vest
fork of tho Borthwick and explored
one of the unknown tributaries. A
wonderful country, but the difficul
ties "
"No doubt, no doubt," Interrupted
the Professor gently; trausport prob
lems were mere details, and he ' ant
ed facts. "Come to my room when
you have a moment to spare," he
pursued. "I should be glad to note
iwn everything likely to be of ser
vice In my researches."
He proceeded down the corridor
and reached the door labelled with
Ms name.
His stenographer, Miss Dickson,
was seated at her desk, studying the
'stock and share column of the morn
lux paper.
"Good morning," said the Profes
tor, with the same jubilance he had
evincsd toward tha janitor. "What
A dnlitutful day!"
, "Good morning. " '"js Dick
DAWSON.
son, without looking up. She never
encouraged the Professor to be en
thusiastic at 9.30 a. m.; it Involved
working through the luncheon hour
without a break, which was bad for
both of them.
"A delightful morning," pursued
the Professor, unchllled. When not
conversing academically he tried to
be conventional, and became com
monplace. "I believe the market Is
going up," he added, after a pause
and a flash of Inspiration.
"Down," replied Miss Dickson,
pursuing tho damping process.
She dabbled mildly In shares, and
the Professor beard of her ventures
with the puzzled interest that a man
with a banking account and no use
for money would naturally evince to
ward a woman with gambling pro
pensities and a salary.
Next to the Theory, Miss Dickson
was an indispensable adjunct to the
Professor's welfare. Every New
Year's Eve a check, for the purchase
of additional shares, lay on her desk,
presented "with the gratitude and es
teem of J. Borthwick."
She was a little, energetic woman,
agreeable, well educated, well read;
ten years as tho Professor's secre
tary had grounded her so effectually
in the Theory and all pertaining to
it that Bhe had become a source of
reference on the subject, consulted
by the Professor and the geological
staff. Indiscriminately. A kindly na
ture enhanced her mental attain
ments, coupled with an assured man
ner. She was solf-sacriflclng and
solf-assertlvo as occasion demanded,
championed her chief In public, and
bullied him In private as one who
knew his weaknesses and corrected
his spelling.
lie turned to his desk and the
morning's corespondence. Miss Dick
son laid aside her paper.
"Tho new batch ot fossils came In
this morning," she said. "I had them
arranged In tho sampling room."
"I met Tillman as I came In," the
Professor replied; "from what he
said It's just possible they have hap
pened upon something new."
lie reverted to his letters. "Noth
ing of Importance ah, yes, unfortu
nately a reminder from the Editor
of 'The Scientific Journal' about the
contribution I promised. He shall
have that note on a Fossil Fish Tooth
from the Devonian when it's fin
ished, only" he referred again to
the letter and glances toward the
sampling room door regretfully
"he wants It at once.''
"And you want to get to the fos
sils, so 'The Journal' must wait,"
suggested Miss Dickson, conniving
with the Professor's Inclination
against his conscience.
"A promise," began the Professor
pedantically, drifting toward a bu
reau.
From a drawer containing manu
script he extracted the Fossil Fish
Tooth sheets. Miss Dickson took
them from him compassionately.
"I'll look through It and see what
alteration is needed your attention
would be so divided," she said.
Tho Professor bore tho Imputation
with meekness and made a bee line
for the sampling room.
"Be sure you come to me it there
Is anything unnecessary or unlutclll'
giblc, In your opinion," he paused to
add from the threshold to propltl
ate Miss Dickson and palliate the
sense of wrongdoing.
Miss Dickson nodded and smiled;
the Professor, artful and conscience
stricken, was genuinely humorous.
Left In solitude, she commenced
work on the Note; it covered several
pages, closely typewritten, and even
to her scientifically adjusted mind bo-
came a trifle tedious. She turned.
for diversion, to the Professor's cor
respondence and prepared the replies
for his signature.
Midday struck; . the janitor
knocked at the door with a telephonic
dinner invitation for the Professor.
"Ask for the number and say the
Professor will ring up later," replied
Miss Dickson. "He is busy with
some fossils, and I can't disturb him
It was her custom to waive matters
of minor Importance without refer
ence to him, an authority the Pro
fessor never resented.
In the next hour various individ
uals dropped In for conversation with
the Professor, and stayed to enjoy it
with Miss Dickson. It was past the
luncheon hour when the last depart
ed, and ths Professor was still clos
eted In the sampling room. Miss
Dickson decided to give him another
half hour, and reverted, hungry but
patient, to the Fossil Fish Tooth. At
the end of the period she knocked at
the door and entered.
"Time you went to lunch, Profes
Bor," she said.
He was seated with his back to
ward her, before, a table littered with
rock specimens, his head sunk be
tween his shoulders, bis elbows rest
ing on the table.
It struck her, for the first time,
that he looked very old and shriv
elled and fragile; the reaction, possi
bly, from his earlier elation. She
approached softly, to avoid startling
him.
He seemed unconslcous of her
presence, bis eyes were glued to a
magnifying glass beneath which lay
a fragment of limestone containing
fOBBllS.
"It Is past 2 o'clock time you
went to luucheon, Professor," she re
peated. He made no reply, nor even the
slightest movement. Bhe waited a
moment longer, and with a woman's
intuition divined that something was
wrong.
"What In it, Professor?" she ex
claimed. He turned his head slowly and
stared at her with a sort of mute de
fiance. "Professor, there's something
wrong! 'i'ell me what It is," she said
sharply.
He pointed at the specimens be-
tore him and tried to speak, aud with
the several languages at his command
could find no word to express himself.
He raised his eyes to hers, shame
facedly; a suspicion of the truth
flashed upon her he read It In her
eyes and flung the magnifier from
him with a gesture ot despair.
"All dls proved," he said, fal
tering from syllable to syllable, and
sank back In the chair, a withered,
decrepit, old, old man.
"Nonsense! Not tho Theory?"
she retorted, struggling with over
whelming conviction of the truth and
the utter futility of fighting against
it.
A knock camo at the outer door.
It galvanized the poor, broken old
man Into active misery.
"A laughing stock! A doddering
old idiot. Good God!" he said.
Miss Dickson answered the knock
instantaneously, stepped Into the
passage and closed the door behind
her.
"The Professor is busy, extremely
busy; for goodness' sake leave him In
peace," she said with Irritation to
the intruder. "Oh, It's you, Mr. Till
man; I beg your pardon will you
come back presently I mean to-morrow?
Professor Borthwick promised
an article for the next number ot
'The Scientific Journal,'' and we must
got it oft to-day, somehow."
Tillman departed, after a chaffing
reference to the business methods ot
academic cranks. In his wake fol
lowed the janitor with another mes
sage. "Look here, Symes," said Miss
Dickson decisively, "tell every one
who wants the professor In or out
of tho building that he's too busy
to be interrupted to-day on any ac
count. I'm sick ot repeating the
same thing."
Tho janitor shuffled away; Miss
Dickson re-entered the study and
paused for a moment's reflection.
Before returning to the Professor Bhe
slipped on her hat and coat.
He Bighod with relief at her entry;
his misery became a shade loss acute
in her presence; she seemed, tempor
arily, to Btand between him and ex
posure. Then he noted with deeper
despair that she had donned walking
attire.
She came to the table and scrutin
ized the specimens lying before him.
Next Bhe turned to a cabinet filled
with rock sections labelled "Jiorth
wick Hlver Series," and picked out
several fragments from a miscella
neous heap, resembling In shape aud
size those that lay on the table.
Tho Professor watched her with
aputhotic curiosity; she came beside
him and picked up the tcll-talo lime
stone near the magnifier, and dropped
the pieces one by one Into the capa
cious pockets of her coat.
"Tho river," she said quietly, and
aranged the specimens from the cabi
net In the space beside the glass.
"No, no!" he exclaimed.
She drew on her gloves with de
termination. They will never be missed," she
said.
He remembered with terrible joy
that she had alwayB had her own
way. She was having It now, and he
sat there unprotestlng.
"Now, I'm going to lock you in for
a few minutes, Professor," sho re
sumed. "You've overdone things to
day, aud you're too busy to see peo
ple." The door handle clicked, and the
koy turned on the outside. Inevi
table reaction succeeded the tension
ot tho last few moments; a shiver
ran through the distraught old man
his head swam, a tightness ot his
throat and chest turned him sick and
clammy, his head dropped limply oil
his hands.
"I'm dying for luncheon and a
mouthful ot fre3'i air," said Miss
Dickson to the janitor, In passing.
"I won't be gone long, but don't for
get my Instructions about the Pro
fessor." Sho took the air from the bridge
spanning the river, pitching stones
Into midstream with vigorous accur
acy. Thus the Borthwick Theory re
mained uurefuted for a season, at all
events, and possibly tor an Indefin
able period. But she saw In per
spective a vista ot weary days she
and the Professor enacting the pre
tence of the Theory; she could do it,
but he, with his abstruse intellect
and elemental simplicity, was like a
child there was childish, helpless
abandonment In his grief, but where
the child's misery is short lived, his
would endure till tlia sods in the
Northwest hr.d been opened to re
ceive Professor Borthwick, as pro
vided for in his will.
He was old, and It was a terrible
shock. . Miss Dickson found herself
wondering, consclence-Btricken, how
long It would be.
She hastened back to the Survey
and the Professor. He -bad not
stirred from his seat, and made no
sign when she laid her hand on the
arm of the chair.
"Professor!" she said, softly.
He did not reply; she scarcely ex
pected that he would, and stood for
a moment Irresolute, reluctant to
rouse him. His watch lying on the
table ticked out the seconds; she
counted them mechanically. No other
sound broke the stillness, not even
the Professor's breathing she held
her own to listen.
Another moment passed, and she
dropped on her knees beside tht
chair.
"Professor!" she cried, and hei
fingers closed on his wrist. "Oh,
Professor!"
Sho dragged his hands from hli
face and his- head dropped sideways,
limp aud unsightly. Bhe shrank
away horror-struck and reached to
tho bell.
A rumor rushed through the build
ing that old Borthwick was in a stu
por; later, the news spread that he
was dead.
Miss Dickson was blamed for the
folly ot letting an old man remain
for so many hours without interrup-.
tlon and without food,
"Heart, I'll be bound," said the
janitor, "It's what you'd expect
when a man of his age tries to climb
the Btalrs two at a time."
"Heart, 1 am sure," said Miss
Dickson, with nervous conviction.-
The Sketch.
More than 5000 Russian Jews em
igrated to Palestine in one month.
Portuguese Proverb.
Women and glass are always in
danger.
A widow's tears and a dog's limp
are far from real.
A woman, a vineyard and an orch
ard are hard to watcn.
A rich widow laughs with one eye
and weeps .with the other.
Woman Is a supernumerary when
present and missed when absent.
Sunshine For the Hair.
There is no better tonic for the
hair than sunshine. Sit outdors in
the sunshine every day. Loosen the
hair and let the sun shine on It and
the air blow through It. In the sum
mer days go without a hat as much
as possible. Tho hair reeds to be ven
tilated to keep It healthy. Airing aud
suning the hair every day not only
keeps It sweet and clean, but Is good
for the scalp also. The sun will soon
cure any disease of the scalp and
make It healthy and active, and a
healthy scalp makes strong, beauti
ful hair. Brushing the hair every
day, "a hundred strokes," as our
grandmothers used to say, will make
It soft and glossy as silk.
French Women Improving.
While French women are still far
from having their hands on the bal
lot, their position before the law Is
rapidly Improving, as Is shown by
the different attitude which French
juries now take toward women who,
tired -of being ill-treated by their
husbands, take the law Into their
own hands. In two recent cases
where wives had killed their legal
tormentors they were promptly ac
quitted, It having been proved that
they acted In self-defense when their
lives were endangered, and one of
the jurors added under his breath,
"Served the fellows right." Such a
position Is thought to be highly sig
nificant of a change in public senti
ment, because in the past It was felt
that women should never take the
law into their own hunds, even In ex
treme cases; consequently, those who
did so seldom escaped punishment of
some kind. New York Tribune.
Her Horrid Neighbor.
"I don't like our neighbor across
the hall," announced a pretty little
bride in a West Side apartment
house.
"What's the matter with her?"
asked her husband.
"She's so queer. Yesterday I was
expecting Dr. Blank and his wife to
call and I had to go out for a few
minutes. I asked Mrs. Neighbor if
she would keep the key to our apart
ment and I would pin a note on our
door telling Dr. Blank where to find
it, so they could get It and wait for
me. She said she would, but that
I would better describe the doctor, so
she would not admit any burglars
who might read the note.
"I told her she would be sure to
know Dr. Blank, because he was a
dentist and an awfully nice man;
and, Howard, she laughed right in
my face! What do you think made
her do that? I don't think she's a
bit nice!" New York Press.
Sim Ti lls C'hararter by Hats.
With jarring disregard for propri
ety of word formation, Lenox so
journers have bestowod the name
"hatology" on the newest amusement
to which they huve resorted to drive
away dullness. One must scrutinize
carefully the hats of all one's dear
friends, and from those headpieces
re:id the characters ot the wearers.
A woman who says she is an author
ity on tills new practice says: "The
woman of the Alpino hat is likely to
be of suspicious mind. She talks
sharply to the conductor and ticket
agent. But It Isn't her fault. No
woman with an Alpine hat can help
it. That hat is what you might call
the last straw on the pile of ugly
shapes, and the worst ot an unbe
coming hat Is that you never can tell
what its wearer will do. The picture
hat bespeaks tho philanderer. The
toque, when not too severe, indicates
a leaven of humor aud of common
sense. Hats loaded with flowers
show extravagance." New York
Press.
Blamed on l'cek-n-Boo.
"While clergymen and folk in tho
country districts are 'decrying peek-a-boo
waists," said a woman who
has the courage 'to wear a waist not
of the popular variety, according to
the New York Press, "the thing that
set me against them wrs that I lost
two open-faced watches aud two
fleur-de-lis pins. There Is so little
on which to pin a watch on an open
work waist that in a car jam I lost
a valuable tlmeteller I treasured for
sentimental reasons. I went to the
car barns. They had so many com
plaints of lost articles that they told
a woman waiting in front of me that
there was no use for to leave her
name and address because the lost
article probably would not turn up,
for finders usually pawned such ar
ticles two days after they were re
ceived. That struck me as absurd.
You can just bet he didn't tell me
anything like that. Well, I didn't
get my watch. They said It hadn't
been turned In. Since then I have
lost another. It may be a pick
pocket got It on a surface car', or
it may be the weight ot the watch
swaying to and fro opened the pin
and it dropped. At any rate, I've
gone back to tho old-fashioned
waists. It you don't believe what I
say about so many women losing
their watches look at the lost and
found advertisements iu the papers
these days,"
Machine's Limitations,
"Madame," said the young man
who bad called at the back door on
May day, "I have the pleasure ot
Introducing to you our new automatic
housecleanlng machine a simple lit
tle thing which does the whole work
ot housecleanlng. leaving to you
merely the general supervision."
"Does It all, hey?" demanded the
woman of the house. "Will It wash
the outside of the upstairs windows?"
"Why, no, madam, but "
"Will it take down, wash, stretch
to dry, Iron and hang up the parlor
curtalnB?"
"Well, of course this machine
i,
"Will it gild the chandeliers, paint
the kitchen, make my daughter help
with the dishes, persuade my hus
band to be contented with cold din
ners, get out the screens and patch
them up?"
"Oh, madam, thiB machine "
"Will It take down the parlor stove
and set up the refrigerator, wash the
winter bedding and put it away, lay
down the furs with moth balls, paper
the hall bedroom, wash down the pa
per la the bathroom, wash, fold,
starch and iron and put away the
family clothes, darn, patch and sew
on buttons, wash dishes, set three
meals a day and pacify the house
hold?" "No, madam, you have misunder
stood the limitations of this ma
chine." '
"Limitations?" demanded the wo
man of t.he house. "I guess It has
limitations. It will be a long time
yet before any man will get up a
machine that will do all a woman
has to do In housecleanlng time."
She took a fresh mouthful of tacks
and went back to the diningroom car
pet, and the agent faded sadly away.
New Orleaus Picayune.
The Old Are Younger These Times.
With increasing enlightenment In
matters of hygiene the period of old
age is deferred, and the tides of life
now flow strongly at a time when
our forefathers and, still more, our
foremothers were laid on the shelf;
and yet, put it off as we may, it is
bound to catch up with us, unless
we be of those whom the gods love.
To the earlier period of meek ac
ceptance belongs the assertion, bo
often repeated as to be sometimes
carelessly taken for truth, that con
tact with youth more than anything
else makes old people forget their
age. Never was a more mistaken
statement. In a way, it is true that
the society of young persons does
keep their elders young, by stimu
lating their prldo and preventing
them from giving way to certain
foibles Incident to their time of life.
It Is the nature of a salutary dis
cipline; and those persons who are
brought in contact with the little
segregated communities ot old men
and old women who are collected in
"Homes" will probably agree that It
Is a discipline which is most de
sirable. For of all the pitfalls which
He in wait for old age the most dis
tressing Is that lack of self-control
w-hich lays bare the weaknesses
hitherto kept under cover by a nor
mally strong will. The constant
presence of the younger generation
Is at the same time a moral goad
and a support. The very Instinct of
self-preservation leads one to adapt
oneself to their standards. If you
would not be unpleasant to look at,
you must cultivate the niceties of the
toilet. Not for you, madam, any
"sweet neglect." At your age, "robes
loosely, flowing, hair as free" are not
as befitting as a well-preserved fig
ure and a trim coiffure. Not for
you, sir, a overindulgence In slip
pered ease. Beware the trousers
that bag at the knee and the wrin
k'led waistcoat,, If you would not
be an unwelcome companion you
must constantly bear In mind that
"brevity Is the soul of wit." You
must bo sympathetic, but discreet;
wise, )iit not too wise; modern
enough to be companionable, but
old-fashioned enough to be suitable.
And you must not expect to be un
derstood. "The Point of View," in
the Fiction Number of Scrlbner.
The old polonaise is very likely to
have an extended vogue before it dis
appears again with discarded modes.
The skirt with many gores always
hangs better than the circular skirt
and can be made as flaring as one
likes about the feet.
The vogue for small hats doesn't
mean there are no large hats, for
there are many and the fashionable
ones are very large.
In all accounts ot fashionable Par
isian society functions at French
summer resorts the lace coat was ac
corded generous space.
The stole yokes In some of the new
waists or blouses give prettier lines
to the figure than do the chemisettes
which are so often used in the same
way.
The spangled Syrian scarfs are
much admired, Borne women of dark,
picturesque beauty wearing white or
black ones with matching frocks ot
lace, chiffon or net.
Hats are very, very small in many
Instances. This means that one will
have to dress her hair loose and
fluffy at the sides unless she has a
very small face and head.
A new gown has three superposed'
tunic effects which meet in the mid
dle ot the front. This gown is ot
cloth and the bottom flounce and
the tunle effects are stitched.
As to coats, they are a fluffy, flut
tering mass ot warh embroidery and
lace, and when the wearer steps in
and out of her automobile or car
riage delicate slippers ot the dressy,
fragile sort used for dancing are dis
played. Among the plainer bodies some
handsomely tailored waist ot heavy
white taffetas or moire present very
attractive features. Often with shirt
waist sleeves ot wrist length, In glgot
or Maliop form, the geure ot these
Undo Sam's Hoad Work.
Probably no field of work Is of
greater Interest to the public at large
than the Improvement of the high
ways. The Office of Public Roads, at
now constituted, writes a correspond
ent from Washington, D. C, repre
sents a distinct stage In the develop
ment of tho work undertaken by the
Federal Government In 1893 by the
establishment of the Office of Road
Inquiry. At the time of the estab
lishment of the office, the lack of a
knowledge of existing conditions was
a serious hindrance to an Intelligent
application of any plan for road im
provement. The name originally
chosen for the office was suggestive
of the purpose ot Congress, which
was to Inquire into system ot road
management throughout the United
States, and Into methods of road
making, and to dlssemlnnte informa
tion as to the results of such inquir
ies. In a recent report on the subject
the Secretary of Agriculture said the
most Important result which has
been attained up to this time, wheth
er produced by influence in or out
side of the Ofllce of Public Road In
quiries, is that the people in all parts
of the country are now interested In
the subject ot road Improvement,
and are seeking such Information as
will enable them to carry on the
work along Intelligent lines. It was
found, therefore, that the collection
of information must of necessity be
come only one feature of the work
of the ofllce, and that facilities must
be provided for answering as well as
awakening inquiries. At the Bame
time the necessity for demonstrating
scientific and economical methods ot
road construction Instead of mere
agitation has been clearly estab
lished. While It Is known iu a general way
that some parts of the country have
progressed much further than others
in the matter ot road Improvement,
there is little available Information
regarding whathasbeen accomplished
In tho various States and counties.
If comprehensive statistics were
available It would be shown that
large sums of money are annually
wasted in Borne sections, while in
others surprisingly satisfactory re
sults are obtained at a moderate
cost. The office is now collecting lu
formation from every county In the
United States in regard to tho mile
age of improved and unimproved
roads, the amount of cash tax, bonds
Issued, and other information of a
similar nature. No more telling ar
gument for reform in wasteful meth
ods can be adduced than to bring
home to every county just what re
sults they are obtaining as compared
with the results obtained by other
counties at a similar cost. The Au
tomobile. The Split Log Bond Drag.
Ten years ago a Missouri farmef
who had grown tired of wading
through a "slough of despond" every
spring when the roads, were soft and
who had seen his neighbors lose time,
money and patience wtien their wag
ons were bub deep In the mire or
their horses tugging and straining in
their harness to get a half load to
market, decided that there must be
some remedy for this condition. Que
day, In thinking it over, he made the
astonishing discovery that what
made the roads muddy was mud, and
If tho road was worked Into such
a sliapo that the water would drain
off instead of soaking into the
ground after every rain tho roads
would cease to be muddy.
By means of three inches ot fence
hoard he rigged up a home made
contrivance out ot an old wooden
pump stock that the frost had
upolled and an oak post. Me nailed
these together so that they were held
parallel to each other. Then he made
a rough plank platform on which to
stand, arid by means of wire hitched
his team to this clumsy affair at such
a point that it would drag along over
the road with a slant of about forty
five degrees.
He began with the road that ran
In front of his own farm. When It
was at Its worst he drove up and
down, from his own front gate to
that of his nearest neighbor. Like a
huge mason's trowel smoothing oft
mortar it scraped along, cutting
down the Inequalities and rough
places and filling up tho wagon ruts.
He kept at It, and after a number of
dragglngs, In place ot the flat basin
that had served as a water course for
every storm to settle in he had built
up a road with a crown and surface
that was smooth enough to shed
water "like a duck's back." In short,
he Blmply demonstrated the sound
ness of his major premise, "if I can
get rid ot the mud the roads will
ceaso to be muddy." The device he
made he called a "split log road
drag." Claud H. Miller, in Farming.
A Princely Signalman.
While Prince Arthur of Counaught
and his suite were recently traveling
by steamer along a Canadian river a
man standing on the bank began
waving a pocket handkerchief on n
stick, and the Prince, taking hia own
handkerchief from hlB pocket, w.wed
back again. Then, turning round to
the bystanders Prince Arthur said:
"The man signaled the words 'Wel
come to Canada,' and I have replied,
'Thank you.'" New Haven Palla
dium. Sweet Attraction.
"Labor like the ant," advised the
wise mother.
The lazy boy sulked. Presently he
rushed back in great gle .
"Oh, mamma!" he exclaimed, ex
citedly. "Can I labor like the ant
right now?" I
"You certainly can, my son," re- I
Itlinit th (leMLhfflrl mrtthnr "'nit )
what prompted you so suddenly?" j
I "Why, I Just found an army of
ants laboring around your jam-Jars."
Chicago Dally Niws.
With the Fanny!
mm
On the Rugged Kdgc.
"I'm broke!" exrlnimed the worn-out shoe;
"Aye! worse than that. Ah me'
I'm on my upper, for I've lost ,
Hy sole support, you ."
Catholic Standnrd and Times.
Tom Know.
Teacher "Tommle, what Is the
hardest wood that grows?"
Tommle "The kind a feller's got
to split." Yonkers Statesman.
Cutting.
Lady (with pet) "Barber, I want
my dog clipped and shaved."
Barber "Pardon me, madam, I'm
no skye-scraper." Boston Tran
script. No Jokr.
Giles "Uncle Sam ought to send
a lot of servant glrlB to China."
Miles "What for?"
Giles "To smash It." Chicago
News.
Dies Xon.
The Girl "The fortune teller to!d
me that the eighth day of the month
Is the luckiest to be married on."
The Cynic "You were misin
formed, my dear. It's the eighth
day of the week."
CuutiotiH. .
Yeast "I understand he always
writes his poetry when he Is alone."
Crlmsonbcak "That's right. He
hates to have people see him make a
fool of himself." . Yonkers States
man. To Be Kxart.
Ascum "I hear your family has
gone South for the winter."
Miss Stickler (of Boston) "Not
at all. They have gone South for the
absence of winter peculiar to that lo
cality." Philadelphia Press.
A Clieupcr Way.
Old Kelly "Do ye think men
should bo chloroformed at sixty, No
rah?" Mrs. Kelly "Plint, wld chloro
form so expensive! Phat's th' mat
ter wld an axe?" Now York Pres3.
A Possibility.
"Great financier, isn't he?"
"Yes, indeed. Very able man1. He
would have succeeded In any line."
"Beyond a doubt. I think, If he
had tried he could even have made
au honest living." New York Press.
In Dispute.
"Whose little boy are you?"
"Well. Sally Jones says I'm hern,
and Maria Muggins says I'm hern, so
you kin take yercholce." New York
Journal.
In His Line.
"That young man I have invited to
dine to-night is a very promising en
gineer," explained the hostess. "I
want you to entertain him to the
best ot your ability."
"What shall I talk about?" asked
the pretty girl, "bridge?" Detroit
Free Press.
Thoughtful.
"Are you sure the sick man want
ed me?" asked tho physician, reach
ing for his hat.
"He didn't mention your name,
but he's Bcreamin" for some one
that'll put him out of his misery, and
I thought of you right away."
Houston Post.
System.
"Maria, what's the use of your tell
ing the girl to be sure and wake you
at 6 o'clock? She does it every morn
ing, and you never get up."
"John, I don't want you to inter
fere with my way of running the
house. When that girl calls me at
0 o'clock, I know she's up." Chicago
Tribune.
Raised the Bid.
"I'm surprised you took up with
that tortoise-shell Thomas cat," said,
the first tabby. "That Maltese fel
low told me he loved you aa he loved
his own life."
"Yes," the other repllod, "but the
tortolae-shell told me he loved me as
ho loved his nine lives." Philadel
phia Ledger.
Overlooked One Part of It.
The rector's little daughter did
not appear to wholly satisfied.
"Why, dear," said "her mother,
"don't you remember you prayed the
other night for a brown collie dog?
Well, here It is."
'Yes," pouted the little girl, "but
I prayed for a brass collar and chain,
too!" Chicago Tribune.
An Inference,
Mrs. McCall "I do, .wish I could
get a good maid."
Mrs. Upplsch "You might inter
view mine. I think she'd be delight
ed to go to you."
Mrs. McCall "But why don't you
keep hor?"
Mrs. Upplsch "Oh! the won't
slay, Sh says she wants a place
where she won't have so many gowns
and hats to take care of." Catholic
Standard aud Times.
ik mm'