V
HALF WAY HOMEi
M TBS 1.AT1
wrt. r',lB nook
lioiit its edge
; w reel I" " lo"
j. i tat It now,
,...4 .oiiroe knowing
, (11
,llllttl,ln.l.hnrpi. piny,
'i'tiib uJ rul8
A.nr.BBKlK WSED.
The brook inns on with a aen-ahoU nrooo,
To tlin mermaid terns wltU tltelr long groeu
hair:
And the sound ot summer were In the
sir.
In the yellow heart of the afternoon.
O days of plnsaiiunoe! O days ot Junot
Wlmt nttor days g.u with you nompnrul
What drnuirlit witli the draughts (rout the
un-llCMikHil pool,
Halt wuy borne from aohool!
Frlond, denr trlondt T.ot in turn aside
In the rnnil thnt leude from tlio school
homo dour:
We must lie tinlf wny homo or more,
Unit way to dew-full and eventide,
Let us stop In the shade where our paths
divide,
In the sweet old wny thnt we did of yore.
Anil we'll talk It over the wuy we've ooine
Hosting, balf-wey homo.
New York Independent,
llant Little Hale Robbins.
By
11 AT trno hero,
Master Main Bob
bins linn nearly
recovered from
tlio wounds re
ceived Inst Ait
gust in liia re
markable, battle
with two white
headed eagles,
aocounts of
which were pnb
linhod nt tlio
time in several
Maine uewspa
it make one's heart
l.j lie icnrs ou tuo little
ul, blue, livnl soar that
bone; eight on his faoe
,Ito ou his right arm
iir, lix on the other
loin hit back ami several
m thirty in nil I This lad
ld '"bttle-soarroJ vet
ii of the scats lit will
irtnTa-doiiiient evidence
:i irlth' which ha fonght
iiot prey.
.(i to the boy's courage,
Kt L:'ii. in whose defence
llil, has Jmt one light
itr check. The two or
'sirks "till visible oil her
.rill, then outlasted with
', tliow plainly how Halo
L.wsirDiinil bore the brunt
;. The fight was fonght
i It was ueitrly an hour
:iglcs first swecped down
t lucky blow of the corn
Jit tha big fomalo to the
tiiitleruiiat linn mounted
tul no ornithological ool
jnniYkuutvbdgo possesses
;t npocimmi of Hnliiiotus
i. llie wings, from tip to
'ally sis foot six inches,
ilt was not wholly unpro
tho child. on were
pe for it. fly ill luck, tho
iilbeen disturbed by tho
i l their young from tho
pent elm-tree.
fioies live in a clottring on
iltiver, in eastern Maine,
home to tho district
'Ml ii I lotiff ono for little
P Lois Bobbins, and for a
mil or more it traverses
tat up to the morning of
ptUohild had not missed
'rammer term
been his sister's trusty
P't unce she was larure
toddle oat-of-doors, and
'"ded a protector thero,
isber wild sort of country,
'I'ce from wild animals,
iwi to have had no un-
merino sense of his
''P'Hsibility. Ever oinoe
'yariolillie had under
to coroo home without
'lUslhey set offfor school
t o'clock. In addition
'net-pail ard two books,
f light woven bushel
'woldlusli-hook, or corn
7 called it, because their
"fi used it for cutting
l corn iu the eardon.
'"uted of about flttoon
.""iiue pumt of a worn
m. "o luscrtod in a rude
'I'l'tllSt 111,., la ...J I II.
P'gl8 with each other.
M)ins had asked Tf.u
""yhome from sohool
" wo run and cot a
oroughwort aud snake
' much prized by the
bioh were then in llowor,
'"'Bit. Tlio l..,Li. ... l
1 wre for th
,lrnere told nnt. ti,i
Sf ink, II " w
Charles Adams.
1 1
Jake's shanty." just
wale. 'Ph. t...i: ' :
.4 . ... - w XUkllUIl ia
; asisjuuor, but at tho
to be away from
tourts attue lakes.
UM .1 ,la'' WU0 0tte
' lithe bird, come and
, ""-"oo. which stands
"Muiiiiin i .. .
ii.in river.
i' T A.: ----- twMg mm
u ,r ? ,!l"ed one of the
" yto the tree, bear-
." Wlons, taken nerha IIH
li'?0.1!1 tu oUilcl ex-
'"g with her linger.
Bot great thiug iu its
,MeedUleyouug
uurK
onofl,
u a a
reura!" ' u you "
theflshto the big
war
'0,
.""lug ories of the
.. viich
'ee Hir ' ""iu"in uignr -
liven a"""" ftllJ ta,ou.
''birii. "as one
lt ulM d'gd from
il St? !M- Ai'
"H and 1 68 .,uJ hun
t4 tiuibUd itttl"
cried Hale, and boylike, ho ran for
ward, follownd by little Lois, both
much excited; for the young bird was
not moro than twenty feet from the
ground. Unublo to Hy as yet, itclucg
to tho limb with its feet, flopping
clumsily. Meantime, tho parent
eng.e, after tieerni;; down from the
nest, swooped past it, then rose. An
other smaller eaglo, too, tha mulo
bird, probably, appeared on the scene,
and sailed around the tree.
The eaglet's screams oxcited the
ohildreu greatly, and they npproaohed
nearer, to get a butter view, Hovoral
times the parent bird swooped close
besido the suspended eaglet, and rose
as if to boar it aloft again; but the
yonngster clung obstinately and
screamed continuously, while little
Lots cried aloud, from sympathy or
excitement. The noise seemed to
rouse the ire of the old bird, and it
swooped close to the heads of the
children, snapping a wrathful, yellow
beak, and uttering short, hoarse
soreums.
It cnuio very close, flapping its
great wings, auil its snvAge oyes were
so terrifying that Lois turuod, crying,
and ran back to where they had sot
down the bushel basket; but Halo
(might up n sUiuo and lliuig it high at
the bird, shouting, "Koop off, old
snapper-bill!"
Immediately the eagle swooped
again, so near that iU talons clutched
tho straw bat ou the hoy's head, aud
ono pinion brushed his faoo. There
upon ho soized a dry hemlock bough,
and fnoiug tho bird, which roso no
more than thirty or forty feet iu the
air, struck at, it as it swooped a third
time. But the eagle descended with
sii3h fore 3 that llnle was ltnookod
over; and this time one of its talous
toro tho brush from his handii, lacer
ating his right wrist.
Screaming fiercely, the bird rose,
carrying tho dry bough high iu the
air, while tho boy, nlurmud and hurt,
ran backward to whorn little LoU
sto-ud. Tho othet cu;la swooped
toward tho children, but' not close
enough to strike with its claws.
Lois was now crying loudly and
looking for some pluco to hide horsulf,
but cu the burnt land there is little
cover.
While tho female eagle was hover
ing above them, still holding tho dry
bough, tho lad romombored the com
mitter which was in tho bushel lmnket
along with thesahool-booksand lutich
basket. lie flourished it deilatitly,
shouting, "I'll not your head off, old
eagle!" and tho morning sun may
have cast a glint upward from tho
blade; for the female eagle, dropping
the bough, swoopod nguiu more sav
agely tben before.
This timo one claw clutched tho
boy's bead, tearing two deep scratches
iu bis forehead, and pulliug out a
great deal of his hair. He wbh knocked
dowu and cried nut from tho pain, but
struggled bravely to his feet and faced
the ilercp bird, which was now hover
ing almost directly over bis head,
sci earning und snapping with its beak.
The other bird also stooped again, as
it seconding the attack of its more for
midable mate. The shrieks of the
little girl only increased their exasper
ation. If the boy hud wavered, it would
probably have provod fatal to ono or
both of tho children. liut Hale oriod,
"Stop that crying. Lo, aud put tho
bitshel basket over your head!" Bare
headed aud bleeding himself, he gal
lantly faced tho hovering bird and
brandished the coru-otttter. Iown it
swooped ou bim uguin; but the little
follow, learning from experience,
dodged aside aud struck as the caglo
shot pust. Ho bit it with tho point
of the blade, aud folt tho suddeu joy
of strikiug home for tho firut time.
Enraged, (bo bird turned short in
the air, screaming wildly, and (lushed
at bim uguin. This tiino it ilied a
talon iu his back, knocked bim oil' his
feet, and dragged bim till hi clothing
gave way. fiio fell bard upon some
small loose stones, nud for an instant
Iny prostrate so frighteuinff little
Lois that she rati toward him, partly
raisiug tho basket off her boud. One
of tho eagles swooped at the same me
mout, struck its eluws into tho basket,
tearing it away, and wounding tho
child's faoe.
Her shriok of puin brought the
dized boy to his feet; but beforo ho
could strike, the eagle swooped again
with great force. Ono claw buried it
self iu his upraised arm, and again be
was dragged violontly from bis feet.
The eagle, holding fast, with au angry
soream, beat him hard with it wings,
then suuk its booked bealc iu bis
cheek,
lloy and bird fell and rolled over on
the ground; but the boy grasped the
bird's neok, and with bis wounded
arm dealt suoh blows as he oonld, and
tore out bandfuls of feathers nntil the
eagle, struggling free from bis grasp,
rose a few feet. Tho relief was only
for an instant, for the bird pounced
down ou htm again, and yet again
The lad was thrown on bis baok, but
kept on fighting, striking aud kick
ing upward with both foet. The eagle,
clutching his foot with its Ulous,
drugged him for a number ot yarj,
beating bim terribly with its wings.
It was while being thus iLrasaad. his
eyes nearly blinded with blood, that
tho boy, striking for dear life's sake
with the corn-outter, drove the point
ot it into the eagle under its wing.
For a little time the wonnd appeared
ineffective. The bird let go its bold
and rose, but instautly ponnoed down
again, tearing away great strips ot bis
clothiog, which it soon let drop to
pounce on him again.
The blood was pouring down Hale's
faco and he could hardly sen; but
whenever he discerned the shadow of
the bird and folt the wind of its swoop,
he kicked upward and struck out with
tho bush-hook. Cuts on the curia's
legs and head show that some of these
desperate, ran doc blows were effective.
Again and aqain the eagle foil upon
him. Had the male bird proved itself
as Herco a flgbtor as its mate, neither
of the ohildreu could have escaped.
At leugth the enle alighted on tho
ground near by. It was much hnrt
and could no longer keep tho air; but
it still strutted unsteadily forward to
renew the attack, screaming vindic
tively. Weak from the loss of blood,
Halo could with difficulty get to his
fje,; but ho used tho corn-cutter ns
often au tho bird nppronchod withiu
rencu. After this mnnuor they fought
for half an hour, when the enlo bent
a retreat, itsolf hardly able to walk,
much loss to fly awnv. Ibo otbor bird
bad flown back to tho nest.
Calling Loin to him and taking her
hand, tho bid now nttompted to gut up
and go homo with her, but found that
ho could not stand nlone. Lois, who
wai not so badly hurt herself, was
frightened at the terrible nppcarnnco
of her brother, nud nt the strange way
in which ho kept falling down. Who
left him ut leugth, and running all of
the way home, told mother thnt tho
onglcH had picked Halo's eyes out!
fin- Loin thought that ho was blind.
Mrs. llobbins rushed to tho placo
and found Hale sitting very soberly on
a stono, a dreadful little object, not
hliiul lurfeori, but very weak and hard
ly able to move ou account of the
stiToniug of his wounds. His mother
was obliged to carry him much of the
way home.
The doctor, who was 'sent for and
saw the boy late the followiug oveu-
mg, found it necessary in dressing his
wounds to lake not loss than thirty
stitches.
IXw Kolibius, tho father, found the
femalo eagle the next day, "mumping"
in a fir thicket noar the river; it was
too nearly (load to offer much resist
anco. Youth's Companion.
Mlsaml Kor Thirty-live Years.
Tho contractor for slaughtering
horses at Montfaucon purchased ii
1K50 a lot of old, wornout animals, in
cluding soveral whioll bnd belonged
to tho army. In cutting up one of
tha ngod military horses, n man named
Matelot was astonished to 11. m a imiall
silver box, in which wero a cross of
tlte Legion of Honor, nnd a papor, in
a porlcct state of preservation, cou
tainiug tho following linos:
"As I cannot sarviro tho dofcat ol
my Emperor, aud as I have neither
wife, nor child, nor cousins, I am
about to oiit myself killed in a last
charge against tho English; and as I
will not let thotu hnvo iny cron, I
will muke my faithful horse, Chntoit'i
Margot, swallow it. Ho will give it
up when ho can. Piorro Dnrdenne,
Sergeant iu the Seoond Squadron of
Ked Lnuciors."
Matelot took tho things to tho Com
missary of l'olioo of .the district, and
that fuuetiornry allowed him to kee;
tho Hilvor box. As for the cross, it
was sent to the Grand Chancellcrio of
tho Legion of Honor. Chateau Mar-
got was supposed to bavo been about
forty. Ho had beeu made to swallow
tho box at the buttle of Waterloo, iu
which his master willfully perished.
The box, accordingly, bad been in Ins
stomnoh thirty-live years. Weekly
Telegraph.
City Mm ami Country IVper.
The homing instinct iu tho blood is
felt by bard-beadod, shrewd and prac
tical laon, eugaged iu business in
great towns, and apparently free from
inconvenient sentiment. Yet, though
thoy soitu their newspapers with keen
and ouger relish, they throw them
aside when read, wbilo some littlo
sheet, not particularly well printed,
and put together as if jumbled in n
scrap-basket, is slipped into tho
pecket aud carried home.
This is the country paper published
np-oonntry, and tilled with intimate
personal details, the ploasuut and
kindly neighborhood gossip which
goes ou at tho postouloo and around
the station when tho train comes in.
Horo are familiar names; the story of
life in a farming community related
with minute caro; the goings and
comings of kindrod and acquaint
ances; tho sales, the purchases, tho
casualties, the changes, all chronicled
without much art or skill, but with
closest and most satisfactory realism.
The man muy be a millionaire huv
oral times over, but he was once a boy
ou the farm, nnd be will bo a sub
scriber to the little country papor au
long as ho lives. Margaret E. Snngs
tor, iu Collier's Weekly.
rivMHliiR an Auillerife. v
"No speaker," Bays Champ Cluric.
"can tell bolorehaud what effect bis
words nro going to have on an audi
ence, it's impossible for him to do
cido where bis listeners are going to
cheer or where thoy are goiiig lo hiss,
or when they are going to keep qniot
and wonder. I have spent weeks over
u speeoh and had all tho 'applause,'
'great applunse,' 'long, loud and con
tinued applauso,' 'tumultuous ap
plause,' etc., marked for the printer,
only to have every calculation upset.
Where I expected them to bo with mo
they were against mo, and whore I
wits sure they would disagroe with a
statement they wore bowling fruuti
eully on ray side. My best bucoesses
have been with extemporaneous talks
just getting up on the spur of the
moment and bitting straight out for
the poiut iu view. If any rrator can
ouce learn to feel bis way with an au
dience bis fame is assured." New
York Press.
Numbering- llrltlali Army lloraes.
Every horse in the Euglish Army
is numbered and has a little history
kept for it all to himself. The num
ber is branded on the animal's bind
feet the thousands on the near bind
foot and the units, tens aud hundreds
on the off bind foot. Thus the horse,
whose number is say 8351, witl have
eight on his left bind foot And 854 on
the other one.
SLICK FINANCIAL FAKIU.
HOW A GENIUS SOLD COOD MONEY
AT CUT RATES AT A PROFIT.
Ilna-nn by OfTerlna; Nllver Holler For
filly Cents anil Then Rolil Quarter
Matches for S)l tCsmltUnt A wnt- .trier
a I'rolltabla Two Hours' Work.
Q ( T ()X'l talk to me nny more
I I about lewoy and Hohson
I J and thnt follow that swam
C, from Hong Kong to tho
Philippines towiug a regimout of sol
diors with bis mouth," said Promoter
Pirn ley. "Tboj're mere innocent
babes alongsido of tho follow L ran
across on my last trip West.
"Do you know Stonghtou, Wis.?
It's ono of those towns with a futuro
nud ono business street. I'd ruu np
from Chiua to after an option on some
timber lnudi and Iny over thoro ouo
Saturday nnd Sunday. Saturday
afternoon I was hnugitig round the
hot'l ofllce wheu n mnu aud boy drove
up outside in a buggy. Tlio boy, who
worked in tlio town livery stable, got
down, unhitched tho bono and led
him nwny, and the man stood up and
boK'Ki to nrr.ingn and rearrange puck-nge-.i
on tho buggy soat.
"fn about two minutes Micro was n
small crowd around bim, and in nliont
fifteen minutes tlio crowd inclii li-l
practically tho ontiro mile population
of the town. l!:it the mm in tlio
buggy soemed oblivious of any atten
tion. Hti rearranged bis pakaes for
fifteen minutos moro without looking
up. Then suddenly ho stood erect,
pushed hUsilk hat back on his head,
nud held up n silver dollar.
" 'I have here,' ho said, 'a United
States silver dollar. What guutlotu'iu
iu tltq crowd will give mo lifty ceuts
for it?'
"Tho oroVd didn't seem to banker
nfter silver dollars nt tlfty emits
npicon.
" 'It's a perfectly good silver dol
lar,' urged tho man in the buggy. 'If
any gentloman winb.es to eximino it
lot him stop right np. Besides, how
long do you suppose I'd bo outside of
State prison if I went about soiling
counterfeit money in the public
streets?'
"Just tben his eyes lighted ou tho
proprietor of tho hotel who was iu tho
crowd.
" 'I put up at your house last night,
didn't I?'
" 'Yes,' said tho hotol man.
" "Did I pay you with good money
this morniug?'
"Xlio hotel man said ho thought
lis did.
''SVell, step up hero thou and risk
fifty cents to start tho ball a-rolling.
You mny tako my word for it, it's a
hundred per con t. iuvestmout.'
"Tlio hotel man laughed and final
ly came forward and gave him fifty
cunts for tho dollar. Tho man iu tho
buagy immediately held up the fifty
cunts.
" 'Xow,' he said, 'who'll givo mo a
quarter for this half dollar?'
'This time it wasn't dilll;)illt to get
a taker, nud the man iu tho buggy
thereupon sold tho quarter for ilftueu
ceuts, the fifteen cunts for a dime,
and the dimo for a nickel. Those last
bargains wont liko hot cakos. Then
ho held up tho nickel.
" 'Ciuntleuiun,' he saiJ, 'I waut to
buy six matches for this five cents.'
"Ho got a dozen or twe offers. The
crowd seemed to bo frrasping tbo
idea that they wore trading on a bull
market. The wan in the buggy se
curod his mutches and hold one up.
" 'What goutloman,' he snid, 'will
give mo a dollar for this match?'
"This was a now phase and tho bull
market took on a conservative tone.
" 'Oh, I know as well as you do,'
said tho man, 'that that's a high
price to pay for a match. You cau
buy fifty boxes for the money. But,
geutliuuun, these don't happen to bo
ordinary matohos, nnd somebody's
going to give mo a dollar for each one
of tbetto six, and it's going to be the
best bargain he's made in a long
timo.'
"Thero was nothing cf the sales
man about the innu in the buggy. Ho
was tho prophet pure and simple. He
stated bis case calmly and carelessly
liko u uiau who was not eouoerued
with the result. Thore was a panso
for a few moments; then somebody
handed up a dollar. The man iu the
bugsy folded tho match in a bit of
paper aud made the buyer step up to
the wheel. Then he poked it iuto bis
vest pockot and said:
" 'Now, you button your coat np
over that, aud stay right thoro, so I'll
know where you are wheu I waut
you.'
"Then bo held np a second match,
nnd sold one after another of tbo six
at a dollar apiece in less than throo
minutes. After that he pulled out a
five-dollar bill aud said be wanted to
buy three moro matohos with it, acd
the crowd tumbled over itself. He
brokn these matches in halves, nud
began to sell these halves nt a dollar
apiece. Ho disposed of three aud
then the market sagged again. But
the mau in tho buggy was not in the
least (liMoouaertod. Ho broke the re
maining halves into quarters aud of
fered tlio quarters at 8'J upinoe. The
crowd begun to laugh. Thou thoy
stopped laughing. Tho man iu the
buggy suid little or nothing, but
somehow he was hung as thick with
promises as a Chrismas true. The
next thing the crowd kuew ho had
sold four of tho quarters nt $12 each.
Then the market halted again.
" 'All right, geutlenieu, just as you
say,' suid the man in tho buggy, 'I've
got just two more quartor-mntohe.i,
aud I'm going to sell them at $3 eaeh.
Two little bits of matches at $
apiuoel Funny, isn't it?'
"It was funny, but be sold them.
And overy uiateb, or half or quarter,
he sold he wrapped np in a bit of pa
por, poked it iuto the buyer's vest
pocket aud mudo him button bis oout
ap over it and stand close so be could
bo got at wheu wanted.
" 'Now, I've got something a littlo
different,' said tho mau in the buggy,
"Ha took out of an inside pookot a
roll of bills the size of a small cab
bage, and laid it dowu on the seat be
fore bim. Then ho opened one of bis
packages and bold up a brass watoh
ease without the works.
" 'Here, gentlemen,' be said, 'is an
empty brass watoh ease brass, un
derstand, no gold about it. And.'here
is something you oan all see for your
selves good money, too.'
"It was n two-dollar bill, and after
holdiuir it un iu plain slant of everr-
body be stuffed it ihto the watch case
and shut do writ ho lid.
" 'Who wa-tits the combination fora
dollar?' ho Asked.
"Ho got liia dollar on tho run, put
the enso with his own hands into the
buyer's pocket, and made him button
his coat over it and stand close, just as
he had done with the matches. Then
he picked a five-dollar bill out of his
wad, put it in anothor brass case, and
sold the outfit for ? thou a ton-dollar
bill for $.", and thon a tweuty-d.il-lar
bill for $10.
" 'This is fan for yju, grntloinen,'
besaid, 'but my turn's coming after
awhile.'
"Finally ho opened anothor box
nnd shook out a lot of shoddy joitfolry,
badges and pius and tho liko, that sell
nt retail for five and ton ceuts apieoo.
"This is the last chance for bar
gains, ' he said, and began to offjr
them nt 81, $2 aud .f t, aid, so holp
me, he got it. And every pioco was
wrapped up and shoved iuto the cus
tomer's vest pockot, nud tha customer
himsolf mud u to stand up among tho
elect who wero going to have sotno
thiug nico huppou to them later Ouco
iu a while wheu a salo dragged, he'd
wrap tho gow-gaw iu a live-dollar bill
instead of paper, but never until it was
sold. And tins uncertainty as to what
the wrapper vn i going to bo also had
a gjod ell'jct on tho market. I guess
ho sold fifteen or twenty pieces at, nn
average of perhaps $2 apiece.
"1'Ucu all of a sudden ho sluppol
nnd began to pack up his cases. Ho
did it carefully and leisurely. Thou
ho'n ljustod his tio and his lint, said
Thank you very much, gentlemen,'
got out of the bug ry, took his grip
and sauntered iu tho direction of tho
railroad station. The crowd followed.
Ho stopped iu nt tho hotel ou the wny
aud bought a cigar, and tho crowd
waited for him outside and thon con
tinued to follow. Ho seemed amused,
and jollied ono or two of them pleas
autly. When tho mob reached tho
htation thero was still ton minutes to
wait for tho Chicago express. Thoy
waited, aud tho strsugor conversod
humorously with them from time to
time. When the train pulled iu ho
stepped onto the buck platform, still
conversing. Thou the traiu started,
aud ho made a grnndstaud bow.
" 'So long, boys!' be said, and that
was the lur.t ot him.
"Then the man that had bought the
watch case with his twenty-dollar bill
in it pulled out the prize. The watch
case was there, so was the bill; but it
was a ono-dollar bill. Then the other
watcb-easo buyers and the men who'd
bought jewelry wrapped up in bills
opened their coats and held an au
topsy. Tho bills were all good, but
thoy had changed somehow tooue de
nomination $1. Tho men who had
invested iu matches went homo with
out saying auythiug. But that night
at the hotel we counted np the stran
ger's profits ns follows:
BEi.Kirrs.
0 mntoliorf nt it $ ti.Oft
H halt iiiutehed ut el 3.00
4 quartur-iniiteliiM nt $2 8.011
2 iiinrter-m ttehe ul f 3 HI 0(1
4 WlltUll CI'UM Itl.OlU
Juwulry. suy, II ut $2 iiJ.00
i 92.03
EXrCNIUTUBES,
To horso nnd biiKgy ? 1.511
" U uiutchus 1.0(1
" a s.iio
" 4 watch cases, say 25
" Jewelry, H pieces, suy 31)
" 10 oue-dollar Ull.1 10.00
I8.05
Not profit t03.9i
"Pretty good for two hours' work,
wnsu't it? But what's boon troubling
me is tho way that smooth stranger is
throwing himself away. Why. with n
little coaching, that follow could com
mand Senates and own continents.
And the story I'm telling you is liter
ally and absolutely true. If it came
to a matter of proof, I could show
you one of the two-dollar quarter
matches." Now York Sun.
How Hlte (lot the Autograph.
Some young wotiinu on tho south
side have formod what thoy call an au
tograph society. They aro not col
lecting the homely, ovoryday signa
tures of their frieuds and aoquaint
auooH to incorporate iuto patchwork
qu'lts and sofa pillows, but are satis
fied with nothing less than those ot
celebrities. The celebrities, of course,
are gouerally approached by letter.
One lion was particularly obdurate.
Nearly every member of the society
bad tried him without reooiving any
thing more than a neatly lithographed
deoliuation in return. The girls were
discussing this aloofness at a .general
meeting one afternoon and a vote that
the lion iu quostion was a "mean old
thing" was carried almost unanimous
ly. The girl who voted "nay" was
auburn-haired and bud a little tilt to
the tip of her nose, llor success as a
collector had been phenomenal. Shi!
said: "The only trouble with you is
that you don't go about it iu the right
way. I believe you have flattored
him too mil oh and too diffusely, I'll
show you how to maungo him.'i
She wrote two wordu to tho great
man. They woro: "Autograph,
please,"
At tho next regular mecliug tho girl
appourod triumphantly, waving a sheet
of letter paper over her head. It wus
the reply of tho celebrity. He seemed
reproachful. All he wrote was. "You
must be pressed for time," with his
signature following. Chicago ltecor J.
Only a Vein ot Humor.
It was a crowded trolley oar, filled
with moist, I'liin-soakod, tired men
aud women. Prom the garments ot
the standing passeugors water drippo 1
on the feet of tho monopolists iu the
seats. Everybody was cross.
Just then the car stopped and two
more men crowded in. One of them
was facetious. Ho thought the meu
had the worst of everything in this
world. "Why," be murmured, "wheu
we gut ou a car crammed like thia
there's no possible ohauce for a soat,
while if a woman comes in there may
be some man gallant enough to think
he is better able to stand thau she
is."
' Just then a young woman sitting di
rectly in trout of bim roso, aud said:
"You may have my seat, sir. I get
out at the next corner," and she went
laughing down the oar. Everyone else
laughed, too. It showed what a touoh
of humor will do iu this busy world.
The mau raised bis bat and told the
girl standing next him to sif dowu.
Two people who bad boen occupying
room euough for three squeezed up
and another woman got a seat, and for
the rest ot the trip good humor pre
vailed New York Mail and Eioraaa- I
LAUCHTER-PROVOKINC STORIES FOR
LOVERS OF FUN.
Not rtiuinmy Willi II I in Tben the Other
Hlrl ITedrmtoo'l t'nro For lnioinnla
' I'n welcomed iat Clearing the
IfouseA lluelneaa Woman, Rte.
It Is suid "money talks" to my mind
This mny be In the boun Is of voracity,
lint I certainly never could find
It dlsplnylnir unseemly loquacity,
I've listened In patient distress,
Kurd stralrliiK my senses nurleular;
It It tttlki, whom It t ii I k si to, I Kess,
It rnunt be confounded particular.
Chloiigo Keoord.
Tlirn the Other (llrl Understood.
"Poor, dear Jack, I had to refuso
him."
"Why so much sympntby?"
"I know he will marry Unit Joukitin
girir-Lifo.
Core For Inaomnla,
"There's only ono way to got rid of
insomnia," said the facetious dootor.
"Aud that?" quorl'd his patieut.
"(lo to sleep nud forgot about it."
Philadelphia Press.
triiwelcnnteil Onests.
Mr. Potwell "Now do look after
! the dinner yourself, my dear, (tnttle
! tons are coining."
Mrs. Potwell "But if I do they'll
bo sure to want to come afraiu!"
Brooklyn Lifo.
CIcHrliiif the llnilsi,,
'Tho house is nllic!" cried tho
tenor. "The itudioneo must bo dis
missed as quickly ns possible."
"All light," replied the innnager.
"Say nothing about tho lire, (lo out
nud siug."
A lltisfness Woman.
"But if 1 fail?" said tho young man
ns he sturtod to ask the girl's father
for her.
"Well," shorepliod promptly, "you
can tnuke au assignment, and I'll bu
come your assignee." Detroit Frco
Press,
I'eace on K.artli,
Mrs. A. "Are their domestic rela
tions satisfactory?"
Mrs. B. "I should think they
ought to he. They have had the snino
servant girl for tou year?." Detroit
Frco Press.
Obeillent Hubby.
"Hobby, didn't I tell yon not to
go in tho parlor wheu Mr. Hopkins
comos to see your sister?"
"Ma, I didu't go iu. I jes' stuck
my head iu the door and mndo some
faces at him."
When Wariln Carry Wrluht.
Police Magistrate "Wuat do you
meau by saying the defendant's words
carried weight with them?"
Plaintiff "I ineau, your" honor,
that he swore nt mo aud then bit mo
with a brick." Ohio State Journal.
Oltln't Hnvo to Hue lllin.
Struggling Minister "Thero was a
strnuger iu chnroh to-day,"
His Wifo "Whut did ho look like?"
(Struggling Minister "I did not boo
bim, but I found a dollar iu the con
tribution box." Ohio Stute Journal.
The Truth of the Mutter.
"I understand that Spiflltis has re
signed tho management of that busi
ness," said Bloomfield.
"My understanding is that he was
fired from the mismanagement of it,"
added Bcllefield. Pittsburgh Chronicle-Telegraph.
llilntnay nml ItiialueMs.
Photographer (to youuaf lady)
"There is no need of telling you to
look pleasant, miss. Snob a faoe cau
not be otherwise than pleasant."
Young Lady (graciously) "I will
tako two dozen, sir, instead of ouo
dozon." Ohio Stato Journal.
CiinffrutiilatltiK an Knomy.
"Oh, you darling! I am so glad to
hoar of your happiness. What did
Mr. Dickson say when ho proposed?"
"He said he had loved me from tho
vory first."
"I should nevei have (inspected
that; he is such a young look'"'
man!" Brooklyn Life.
Itmiitnlr OrneruUhlp.
Jane 'That Mr. Shallopate is at
the door; shall I tell him you are eu
gaged?" iliss Pinkie ".Show him into tho
parlor, Jane."
"Yes'm."
"And, Jane, after he lays his box
of candy'on the funutolpiece, toll him
I mn out." Now York Weekly.
Rxilnlmil.
"I must confess to a groat deal of
egotism," said Willy Wishiugtou.
"Indeed," responded Miss Cay
enne. "Yes. I think about myself en
tirely too much."
"Oh, that isn't egotism. Phot'.'i
merely tho usual human tendency to
worry over trifles." Washington
Star.
Not the t lo. k.
Au old lady entered a watchmaker's)
shop nud handed tbo assistant tho
pendulum of an old Dutch dock.
"Here, mister," she suid, "1 want
you to make my old clock go."
"But you must bring the clock,"
said tho assistant.
"You stupid fool! the clock's all
right. Tis tho pendulum thnt 'ou't
go," said the old ludy, iudiguautly.
Spuro Moments,
All Thoy Co u lil Allnril.
At a dinner party reoontly dud,)
foutid himself seated between two
young meu who had just started
merchant tailoring establishment.
"I aw have been placed betweon
two aw tailors, it seems," said bis
dudelot.
"Yes," replied ono ot the younj
men; "you see, wo are botnners,
and at present can only afford ouo
goose betweon ns," Ohio State Journal.
lfiaetltni Arithmetical Trailltlon.
Jack "How did you come out on
that bulldog pup you bought?"
Diok "Lost over hundred per
cent, ou the transaction,"
Jack "Oh, I guess not. A hun
dred per cent, is all you can possibly
lose."
Diok -"Think so, do yon? Well. I
paid (10 for the pup and then I bad
to give a boy a dollar to take him out
nd drown him. It that isu't a bun
dled and ten per cent, loss, I'd like to
know what you oalt it."
Jake Km tea cm Hea.
A Portland woman wagered a box of
clorol.Htfts with her young man and
lost One evening when they were o
the way to a whist party, she produc
ed the randy. Durina; tbe evening tb
you u s; nan thought that to pas th
chocolates around would be a nice
thing to Co, but the young womii
earnestly protested when she saw what
her escort contemplated, told him tb
chocolates were Intended all for him,
and even threatened not to like hlra
any more It be gave any of them away.
He concluded to run tbe risk of lit
currlng the lusting displeasures of hit
best girl, and Invited tbe company t
help themselves. The confection lookv
ed too tempting to resist, and so tits
acceptance was general. Then a Tor
remarkable scene ensued, which would
give a man from the street the Impres
sion that a new social diversion had
been Introduced In the shape ot a spit
ting contest. Tho chocolatcr had a
sonp filling, and the whlil party came
to a premature end. The Innocent vic
tims have not yet forgotten nnd forgtv
en, while the young man Is cogitating
bother It would be safo for bis future
happiness to atk tbe young woman to
lcavo her happy home for him. Wake
vllle, Me., Mail.
avwl by a Cat.
Score one for pussy. A Bristol,
England, cat a few days ago proved
the tneuns of saving a whole family
rrom destruction by fire. At half past
two In the morning a shopkeeper
named Ledo Schnledermann wan
aroused by his pet tabby, which was
gently scratching hla face. He trie
to drive her away, but as the faithful
feline persisted, he aroused himself to
find the room full of smoke. He
alarmed a lodger, Hermnn Miillor, who
wag sleeping on the same floor, an
also his sister and another young
woman. They all rushed to the stairs,
where the flames wero already spread
ing. With the exception of the lodger,
tbe Inmates, taking puss with theitj
reached a landing, from which thay es
caped to the back yard. Just as th
flames shot right through the spin
staircase, Muller, who had stopped t
put on his boots, was cut off from ea
rape. The flames reached his roosa,
and then, throwing out seme bedding,
be leaped from the second-story wfn
dow. He badly sprained hie ankle,
and was taken to tlaa laflrmaiT.
IN PLACEJJF CLASS.
Varluoa Ilerleea Wvra l ii-il II, for It
Introduction.
Before tbe Invention of glnss various
devices were used in pluee of window
glue. In the orient and the old times
windows rarely If ever opened upon
the street, but upon the courts. These
windows were provided with lattices
or Jalousies. Instead of window glnss
the Chinese used a thin Btuff varnished
with shining lac, polished oyster shells
and thin plates of horn. Among the
Romans, windows were originally
closed with shutters, ufterward they
were made of transparent stono, which
Is supposed to have been mica; In the
second century they used horn. The
Venerable Iledo nays that glass win
dows were first introduced Into Britain
In 1374, but then and tor many years
subsequent, the use of window glass
was confined to churches. In tho
twelfth century houses in England that
were provided with window glass were
regarded as magnificent, and even In
(ho sixteenth century in England and
the seventeenth In Scotland ouly the
dwellings of tho wealthy were provided
with glass. Minneapolis Journal.
MARKETS.
fALTIMOtlS.
nnAiw am
Fl.Otjn Ualto. HostPut.
lllirh flrmle Kxtrn
WHEAT No. Sited...... 7.1
CJOJt.N No. i White 45
Onts Moutbern fc l'enu. SW'
lil'E No. U 83
HAY t'holee Timothy.. 1 00
flood to Pi line 1160
ETIIAW Itv Incur Ids.. 1410
Wheat llioeks 0 fK
OatUloo(is 0 50
riNNr.ii noon.
TOMATOES 8tnd. No. Xt
No. 3
rEAH-Htnudnrds 1 1"
rieconds
COIIN-Ury Pack
JUofct
Hit) 14
CITY RTKF.IIS lOv 4
t'll.v t.'owa 'J',,'
roTA-rous and iiiirmn
rOTAFOlia lliirtmiiUs. . M i
ONIO.N8 111
rnovisiiiax
HOfl I'ltOnilf'iasMM. ;,' ,
lenr rlt.alil.w 7
Hums loif
iiiess j'orlt, por tuir
I.Alt) (Vitii.i
Heat relliuM
llUTTIja.
HCTTKIl Fine Crmy. . .. tV
Umliir Kino i!l
Creamery Jtolls i't
en 'kir,
CnFIWr N. Y. Fancy. .. 1H -
N. Y. Flats 1:1 y
fcklin C'hoeso 6.'
soon
EOOR State J2 ,
Koitli Carolina 11
uvs roni.xai
OTICKF.NB
Ducks, per lb 11
. TonAona
TOBACCO Md.Iiifurs.. IN
tiomid common H 4
Middling 61)1
Fancy 10.11
MvasTons.
PF.FF Beat Beevee 7A
Blllia' SN
Uira n 40
VHS AMO SHIN.
MUSK1UT 4 IS
Ituceoon 40
lied Foi
fckuuk llluok.
Ol'OHBWU ti
Ulliik -
Otter....-
HKW VOHS
rXOttlt Koutheru...
WlltAl No. ailed.,
ItYk Wwlein
COllN- No. II
OA'l'H No. 0
UlITTFlt-tftHjn
lUtlK rlluta
ClUi-HE btnie
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C01IN No. 4 44
OA'IH No. I. SI 8
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