s a fl The "Hello fl I Girl's" Story II I I "O-o-o-oh, such liars. Such awful, frightful, terrible, hideous, dazzling, unholy liars as men are!" 'Twas a telephone girl ejaculating it —a telephone girl In one of the main hotel lobbies. The Indictment was so overwhelm ing that she was asked to elucidate. Whereupon Bhe deftly picked her hunk of gum from one of the unused switch pegs. Inserted it Into the wait ing orifice, and prattled right ahead. "Oh, the outrageous lies they 'phone to their wives to excuse their not being home as they ought to be!" said she, looking, however, not quite so horrified as might have been ex pected, "and their deliberate, callous, cold-blooded, foxy way of lying, too —■ o-o-oh!" Detailed counts of this allegation were called for. "Oh, well," said the telephone girl, "you ought to hear 'em, that's aIL Two of 'em that came In here about 7 o'clock last evening were samples samples of the limit They were men around thirty, and both of them were what men folks call happy-soused. They strolled in here, arm In arm, sort of leaning on each other. They weren't BO happy-soused that they had lost their foxlness, though; men nev er become so far gone as to lose their cagyness. In my opinion. " 'Well, whatcha going to hand her, matey?' the lean man asked the fat one. • •***• " 'Search me,', said the fat one, pushing back his hat and scratching his head. 'Gotta pull some new stuff. She's jerry to all of the old comedy.' " 'Old boyhood pal of yours Just breezed in from Minneapolis and you've got to take him around?' sug gested the lean man, grinning. " 'Aw, naw, nothln' like that,' said the fat one disgustedly. 'That's an almanac A. D. 1837 number. Nix. Gotta spring something new and neat' " 'Man that you've got a big deal on with breezed along and dragged you off to dinner?' suggested the lean one again. " 'Say, tin those lumpy ones,' wheezed the fat man. 'l've tried to ease her that one fifty Umes and nev er got it over yet.' " 'Gotta run over to Baltimore to fix up a hurry business gag?' " 'Nothin' resembling It.' " 'Friend of yours took you over to Anacostia to look at a bungalow Biter " 'Tried that last summer and got the boots.' " 'Man Interested In model tene ments kept you downtown to show you a lot of model tenement blue prints?' " 'Say, how old d'ye think my wife is—'bout six? She'd want to see the blue prints, believe me.' " 'Your boss took you out In his new motor car and the machine broke down in Bladensburg, and you'll be home as soon as repairs are made?' " •Pllv < too.' "'Went to the hospital to see an old side-kicker that's dying of —er— housemaid's knee or something?' " 'Not a chance.' " 'Fellow bet you you couldn't walk to Great Fallß and back, and you took him up?' " 'Million to one shot." " 'Man in your office took sick from eating soft shell crabs at lunch and you had to take him to his home ovef near Laurel, Md.?' " 'That likewise is a flimz.' "Then the lean one grinned in a puzzled sort of way and looked around kind of hopelessly. " 'Gee,' he said to the fat "you've slipped her most of the reper toire, haven't you, pal?' "' 'Fraid I have,' replied the fat man gloomily. 'But say, if we're go ing to that doll burlesque show, it's time to eat, and I've gotta pass her some old thing. Let's see,' and he pushed his hat up from one side and scratched above his ear. 'Gosh, I've got it! I'll blame It all on you, Bee? I'll tell her that your wife's out of town and that when I met you on my way home you were pickled up to the necktie, and that I had, of course, to take care of you, and —' • • • • • • "'lce that, Ice that!' said the lean one, grabbing his fat friend by the coat lapel. 'Put that in storage be fore you pull it and get me in Dutch er than I am already. Why, you big lummox, doesn't your spouse hate me enough already without your piling up this new stuff? How d'ye know but what my wife has spent the hull after noon with your wife, anyhow? Don't you know that the minute you tell her that we're together, why, your wlfe'll call up my wife, and they'll get to oomparing notes, and they'll both swear it's a frame-up and all that? Say, cut out these Bwana Tumbo get every-body-tn-German hunches of yours, won't you?' " 'Oh, I meant for you to blame it on me too, when you 'phoned your wife,' explained the fat man, 'but I guess I've got a shrimpy number, at that. Say, how'd It do for us just to tell 'em that we're soused and that we'll be home next Thursday a week If the day isn't cloudy, and let It go at that?' " 'Now I know you're bugs,' said the lean one. 'Let's go hang a little dram on ourselves and think it over,' and away they trudged arm in arm again, and they didn't come back, and BO I ruppose they ended by not send lug any kind of word to their wives. • •••*• ' "The way those two did fan over what they called 'the old stuff,' the excuses they'd used so often before! Do you wonder that telephone girls have got to be shown before they'll consent to listen to the tinkle of their I own wedding bells? "But the men who come here to . Bend 'phone excuses to their wives I don't mind the telephone girl at aIL I They take it for granted that the telephone girl Is used to all that stuff —which, of course, she really Is —and ' so they aren't a particle shy about j discussing Just what lies they're go ing to try to fix up for their wives. , Why, some of them even aßk me to suggest a new excuse! | "Only a couple of evenings ago I had a case like that. He was a care less looking middle-aged man, and he was twisting his mustache and looking real reflective as he sauntered toward 'me here. He gave me the number he wanted, and then he leaned over—not leeringly or flirtlly at all, understand, I but Just in a cold-blood businesslike way—and he said: | " 'Got anything new in the square it-at-home line?' | "Of course, I knew perfectly well what he meant, but I wasn't going to admit it. But my refusing to admit it didn't cark him any. I •••••• i "'A thing that there's a great, cry ing need for,' he said to me In a re flective tone, 'ls a sort of "Everyday Book of Lies." A little brochure like that would save tired people like my -1 self, for example, a lot of trouble. For i Instance, If there were such a book lon file here at the present moment I'd be spared not a little Irking thought I'd just turn over to the section of the book devoted to the particular kind of lie that I desire at present to employ, and there it would be, as pat as a fel low's strictly original toast that he I gets out of a "Book of Toasts." I'm going to suggest the building of such a book to some writing fellows of my I acquaintance. It could be called "The I Handy Liar" or "One Thousand Pat I Lies" or "Lies For Every Occasion," or something equally descriptive and I satisfying. In the meantime, hang It all, I wonder what I'm going to—' and the rest of it dribbled oft Into a Bort of mumble. I was too busy with other excuserß a minute or so later to listen to what kind of an excuse he was giving his wife over the 'phone; but I'll bet it was an Ingenious one. "That's the worst of It, by the way—the wheedling, deceitful way the men who invent these deliberate yarns tell them to their wives over the 'phone. I can't help but overhear a good deal of that stuff on the line, and sometimes I feel as If I could Jump up and shake the men who are telling their wives those shocking, bamboozling stories that I've heard them make up In talk with each other only a minute or so before. " 'Well,' a man will say to his com panion, 'l'll see If I can uncoil that one on her,' and he gives me the num ber and goes Into the booth. Pres ently I hear him making his little opening talk. • ••*•• " 'Doll heart,' the horrid ruffian says to her In a sort of languishing tone, 'is that you? B'jlnks, but It's nice to hear your dear little voice, honey bug! Say, little wan, there wasn't a chance on earth for me to make the dinner thing at home this evening,' and then he plunges In and unreels the dreadful story he has made up. 'lt sure did make me sore,' he goes on then, 'to be kept downtown like that I'd a million times rather be mooching around the little nest with my blubbsywubbsy, and you know it, but —' and then he goes on with a lot more like that, perhaps winking all the time at his grinning companion standing outside the booth, and it certainly Is enough to give anybody what they call the biggest kind at a line on men and their ways. "Not, of course, I am glad to say, that these men get away with their 'phoned excuses every time, or any thing like every time. As a matter of fact I should Bay that they don't put their yarns over more than about in three times, and I notice that the men who succeed in making their stories stlok are usually the youngish sort of men, who look as If they're not long married. "The thing, by the way, that gets all of these 'phone excusers is a lit tle Intimation from the wife that she's going out herself. That's the one number they can't stand. It stam pedes them every time when wifle at the other end of the line Bays in a sort of careless tone that she doesn't mind how long they stay out, because she's going out with a little party her self. It gets 'em every time, and they never fail to become sober and som ber and gloomy-Jawed right away and to beat It up to their homes as fast as they can travel." —C. L. C., in the Washington Star. Fell Out the Window. An intoxicated young man. very much battered up, went into a hotel about midnight and asked the clerk for Room 23. "Can't give you that one," replied the clerk. "It's taken. "Who's got it?" asked the intoxicated one. "A man named Jones." "What Jones?" "Mr. A. B. Jones has Room 28." The battered up young man smiled. ' 'Zat's me. I fell out ze win dow.' Denver Post The Highest Wave. The average height of waves 18 only twenty feet, says the navy hy drographic office. Of course the in vestigatlon didn't Include the prohibi tion wave.—North American. FETRICG, ff CENTRAL POIMI . ROGUE RIVER iSSIJ L - OREGON {MfJbP CORRESPONDENCE 11 JEfr [This matter must not bo reprinted with out special permission.] A LIMITED PARCELS POST. The demand on the part of the peo ple of the country for what is known as a limited parcels post is increasing, and there seems to be little question that in the near future congress will pass such legislation as will put it into operation. These systems of pack age delivery by mall hare been in rogue in some European countries for more than a hundred years, hence are not socialistic, Utopian or untried. In practical operation they have proved eminently successful and above every thing satisfactory and a great con venience to people living in country districts. The postmaster general has recommended e limited parcels post which would make low rates for the distribution of parcels from towns and cities over local rural routes. It is contended, and the point is well taken, that the average rural carrier handles less ihan forty pounds of mall matter daily when even with his light wagon he could easily take care of several times this amount, not only Increasing greatly the revenues of the postofflce department, but ministering largely to the needs and convenience of the pa trons along his route. The opponents of parcels posts in any form seem to be the country merchants, who fear still further Inroads Into their terri tory by the catalogue bouses and the express companies, which are annually extracting millions of dollars from the shippers of tho country in the shape of discriminatory and exorbitant rates. Inasmuch, however, as some country merchants are buying catalogue house Btuff and putting It on their own shelves, the position which they take in the matter is hardly consistent The live merchant does not greatly fear catalogue house competition, and the dead or moribund merchant who is al ready hanging on the ragged edge will drop out sooner or later anyway. This matter of home trading is a good deal of a Action, and with no class is it a bigger joke than with merchants In their relation one to another. As the postal laws are now, with agreements at present In force with foreign coun tries, one can send a pnekage to a rela tive in Europe as cheaply as he can to a friend in the next state or county. The Inequality is manifest and one that bids fair to be righted. ECONOMICAL BEEF FEEDING. The Nebraska state experiment sta tion at Lincoln published the middle of December a bulletin on "Economical Beef Production," which contains a number of suggestions which should be valuable to feeders of beef cattle. As a result of a number of carefully conducted feeding testa It was found that old process linseed meal coarsely ground had a slightly higher feeding value than cottonseed meal, while ei ther of these feeds was considerably better than wheat bran as a protein concentrate. One experiment showed that cold pressed cottonseed cake fed with corn and corn stover gave larger daily gains than any other combina tion of foods used." The results in three experiments made showed that beef could be produced more cheaply by the use of alfalfa In connection with corn than by the use of any of the three concentrates—linseed meal, cottonseed meal or bran—when the roughage consisted of prairie hay. The conclusions derived from some other feeding tests showed that with corn at from 85 to 50 cents per bushel and alfalfa hay at $7 per ton or lower less than a full feed of corn—from four teen to eighteen pounds—was a more economical ration than when a full feed was used and that if corn was worth from 50 to 60 cents per bushel It was more economical to reduce the corn ration to a half feed, or from ten to twelve pounds. A comparison of the quarters after the animals were slaughtered showed that the groups fed on alfalfa gave a better quality of meat, as shown in the color, marbling, etc. A DEFICIENT DIET. Investigations Into Instances of pig eating sows seem to show that this tendency Is aggravated if not In every case caused by the sow's not having a balanced diet during the few weeks prior to the birth of her litter, A largely fat forming ration, such as corn, fails to furnish the mother with the elements she needs in providing her unborn young with flesh and bone forming material, and the morbid ap petite she sometimes shows in her at tempts to devour them as soon as born Is quite often evidence of the lack re ferred to. The difficulty may be over come by reducing the corn ration and substituting for a part of It In the neighborhood of half a pound per day of oil meal or tankage. This ration may be still further improved by add ing an allowance of steamed clover or alfalfa hay.' The bone forming de ment—potash—may be supplied In cob charcoal and wood ashes. Have you thought to empty th® spray tank and drain the spray pump carefully? If not you have probably £ot some trouble ahead. A man or woman cannot work ad vantageously on poor and scant fare. Neither will horses, hens or dairy cows give satisfactory returns under the same conditions. We have seen people of normal size and possessed of what would be con sidered a fair amount of courage who Just didn't have the nerve to set one of those little "devil" mouse traps. Buckwheat cakes, a favorite dish with many during the winter months, are both more palatable as well as more wholesome if the batter is made of buckwheat and wheat flour, half and half. Disease is often very closely associ ated with discomfort and dampness in the case of both animals and poultry; hence care should be taken that these unfavorable conditions are so far as possible removed. There Is no ration for furnishing protein for growing pigs which is bet ter than; skimmilk, and the farmer who is long headed will see to It that there Is as much of It as possible pro duced on the place. A dairyman may make a margin of profit on his cows if he does not take a good general farm or dairy paper, but his chances for doing so are much improved if he has at hand In such a publication the best and latest Infor mation on the subject. A chemist of the University of Min nesota has discovered a germicide to which he has given the name benetol. The new chemical is nonpoisonous to animals and human beings, yet Is said to be five times as powerful a germ destroyer as carbolic acid. There Is a big temptation to keep the horses In the stable Just because the weather seems a trifle colder than usual. Where there are a paddock and a shelter from the wind It Is well to turn them out for exercise even when the weather Is cold. The fresh air nnd exercise they get will more than offset any possible disadvantage. Notwithstanding the fact that chick en lice are less active In cold weather than warm it is a pretty good Idea to see that tho hens are provided with a bath of dust and wood ashes, with a handful of powdered sulphur th'rown In. It won't take them long to find out what this combination is good for if you put it within their reach. There are a good many fellows who would not knowingly take property be longing to another who yet show a detestable Blackness or penurlousnesF in hanging onto money which other folks have earned by working for them from whom It Is as difficult to extract It as Is blood from a turnip. As soon as money is fairly earned It belongs at once to the man who has earned It, not the man from whom it has been earned. It Is n pretty risky proposition for a girl to marry a man to reform bliu from the booze habit or to get him to turn over a new leaf when he's Just naturally shiftless and lazy. Ten chances to one, the girl who marries the first chap will bear heartaches of a drunkard's wife, while the girl who marries the other typo can safely count on building the fires in the morn ing, bringing In her own water, chop ping a good deal of the wood and trot ting to the corncrlb for cobs and kin dling. The opening of an alfalfa meal mill at Rifle, Colo., was celebrated In fit yet decidedly unique fashion. A banquet was served, and every article on tho bill of fare was made of or served with alfalfa. The turkey was stuffed with alfalfa, the biscuits were made of it, mashed alfalfa took the place of potatoes, and leaves of it were served instead of spinach. Sulad made of al fnlfa was served, and the beverages were alfulfa tea and cider. Toothpicks made of alfalfa straw were distrib uted. The chief toast of the evening was on "Alfalfa and Apple." Within the past eighteen months a machine has been perfected which seems to be very effective In the pick ing of cotton, a process which for generations past has been done by ex ceedingly slow and expensive hand la bor. With the new machine one per son can harvest about as many acres of cotton as he can cultivate during the growing season. The machine will pick four acres a day at a cost of about $0 per day, or one-fourth what the picking would cost by hand. The machine Is BO arranged that it will pick the ripe cotton, but will not injure the immature bolls. The system of one-year rentals and the various conditions developing from it are responsible for more agricul tural depravity and cussedness than almost any other phase of farm tenure or management. Just so long as a tenant knows he quite likely will not reap next season some of the benefit of fertilizing or Improvements which he puts on t. place this year the whole situation not only encourages him. but makes It necessary for him to play to a finish the "skin game," which is prostituting and playing hob with tens of thousands of farms ail over the land. It is likely that the fault Is pri marily with the owner of the land, who usually says whether the lease shall be for one. three or five years. If It is stinginess that makes him cling to the one year lease system he is surely getting his punishment as he goes aloug, or bis laud is- I The following rare bit of humor l taken from the "ginger Jar" of a well known eastern agricultural publica | tion: "One may retail apples, but It is j impossible to retail a dog." It is ap parent from this spicy morsel that the supply of ginger needed replenishing. ' There is no liquid that will absorb ( odors more quickly or completely than ' milk. On this account it Is well to keep the stable sweet and clean, free from manure odors, the smells of roots or silage at milking time as well as free from dust, which will get Into the , milk if it is stirred up. I The trap nest enables the poultry keeper to learn Just what each mem ber of the flock is doing; hence the point in question is not whether it will puy to bother with them, but , whether one can afford to continue stuffing high priced food into hens ! which do not pay for their winter , keep. J A reader of an eastern farm Journal who has tried It recommends the fol , lowing mixture as excellent as a rust proof coating for plows: Melt three I pounds of beef suet and add one pound of white lend; apply when warm with an old paint brush. This combination , is good to apply on any metal tool to prevent rusting. The trouble with most prohibitive or restrictive laws as affecting the con duct of people is that their enactment , does not change desire or will, but merely represses It. It is on this ac- I count that those agitations are most effective which are largely educational and furnish new interests and new alms—that is, furnish new channels for the operation of the energy and j will. j An observation made by a syndicate i writer the other day was to the effect i that weeds require poor land to do well. Probably what the writer meant wus that weeds would flourish where some grasses and cultivated plants would not; yet, other conditions being equal, the richer the land the more ! rank weeds will grow, as they take from the soil In the main the same elements as do other crops. It takes something more than a ped igree to furnish assurance that a giv en animal Is worth anything for breed ing purposes. In the same way a boy can come from a pretty good family, yet be an all round scrub and no ac count. Many an animal sold at stock ! sales at a price a trifle above an every day commercial basis should be sent ; to the block instead of being Intrusted with the highly Important duty of be coming the sire of future breeding ani mals. The polnscttla, which is coming to be a very popular early winter house plant, has several very interesting characteristics. One of these is that It sheds its green leaves some time before it does the red bracts encircling tho blossom cluster. Another Is that each blossom Is equipped with a little cuplike projection containing about a drop of clear slrupy liquid, which is evidently intended as a bait to draw bees and other Insects to aid in a more complete pollenlzatlon of the flower. It Is well worth securing one of the plants, not only because of Its showy green leaves and beautiful red crown, but for the peculiarities above noted. The plant is subtropical and will flourish best if kept where the temperature is quite warm. Since the federal pure food law went into effect a good many "sugar bush es" over the country seem to have gone out of commission, Judging from the very limited supply of maple sirup which is able to bear the legend "pure." Yet if one cannot get the real article a very wholesome substitute can be made by tho use of. corncobs, which will Impart both flavor and color. White cobs clean and freshly shelled are the best for the purpose. They should be put In a kettle and boiled for about an hour, or until the coloring matter shows clearly In the water. They should then be removed, the water carefully strained to remove particles of cob and sediment and enough coffee or light brown sugar added to give the sirup the desired thickness after a few minutes' boiling. If the job is carefully done not only will this eoa sirup have a delicate fla vor closely resembling maple sirup, but the color also will be a close counter feit. A lady reader of these notes living near Masslllon, 0., writes Inquiring If there is any truth In the articles which have been published lately as to in jurious effects from eating food cooked in aluminium vessels. While we have heard statements to this effect and ar ticles charging such to be the case have been published, inquiry of med ical men does not show that the claim that stomach trouble Is due to the eat ing of foods cooked in aluminium ves sels has been conclusively proved. We would suggest to our correspondent, however, If her family use aluminium utensils and some of them have stom ach trouble seemingly as a result, that it might be a good idea togo back to iron and granite ware for a time and see If the disorders referred to disap pear. Should they do so there would be considerable reason for supposing that the uso of the aluminium vessels was the cause. If any of our readers can furnish us definite* proof on the point under discussion we would be glad to present their experience and findings in these columns. jm,* j Haltien Troops Massacre Rebels. Government troops led by President Simon, of Haiti, got beyond control of their officers at Quanaminth, and after capturing the town, burned all the buildings and massacred all the inhabitants that were unable to make their escape. Jean Prosper!, a citizen of France, was attacked, his eighteen-year-old son was killed and his home was burned. Messengers arriving at Cape Haitien gave the first detailed account of President Simon's ruthless campaign against the rebels. The insurgents had captured Port Liberty and Quana minth. President Simon set out for the disaffected territory at the head of five columns of troops. He was ac companied by his daughter, Celestlna. The army occupied Fort Liberty with out a shot having been fired. Never theless a large number of arrests of those suspected of treachery to tho government were made and the sus pects were shot. The army then moved onto Quana minth. The rebels were found in pos session of the town and they offered resistance. No mercy was shown by Simon's forces, and sanguinary fight ing followed. The rebels were soon beaten back, but the officers could not stop the advance of their men. The soldiers got out of hand and the pillaging that followed was horri ble. The inhabitants who had not fled were killed and the town burned. In the meantime another force, un der Minister of the Interior Jeremie, captured the town of Vallerie, to the south of Quanaminth, and it is expect ed that this will be burned. Russia to Move Against China. The Russian government has ad vised the state department in Wash ington of its intention to make a military demonstration against China. The details of the proposed movement haven't been received. The Russian government promises to send further information on the subject to the state department as soon as possible. It appears that the Russian govern ment, wearied of what it regards as persistant disregard by China of her treaty obligations toward Russia, is about to bring pressure to bear to en force her rights, even to the extent of a military demonstration in the pror ince of 111, the seat of the present trouble. That war will not result from the latest move of the Russian govern ment is the confident belief in diplo matic circles here, for it is generally understood that the Chinese are to tally unprepared to meet such a foe as Russia at this juncture. So it is ex pected that China will appeal to the powers, including America, for fair play. What amount of support she will receive cannot safely be foretold. Over $20,000 Worth of Jewelry Stolen. An inventory of the articles stolen from the residence of Charles G. Roe bling in Trenton, N. J., last Wednes day night indicates that the burglar made a haul representing between $20,000 and $25,000 in intrinsic value. Among the articles taken were a number of valuables which money cannot replace. Among these was a lorgnette set with diamonds and pearls, which was a gift from tho late Mrs. Washington R. Roebling to Mrs. Cornelius Hook, sister-in-law of Charles G. Roebling. The lorgnette was exhibited at the Paris exposition, where it was awarded first prize. The robbery, one of the largest evei accomplished in this vicinity, has been placed in the hands of Pinkerton detectives for investigation. It is now the accepted theory of the detectives that it was accomplished by some ono having Inside knowledge as to both the house and the customary move' ments of the family. Hat Pin Wound Kills Man. Captain Andrew Englund, who was one of the best known cea captains on the New England coast, is dead in Boston as the result of a jab from a hatpin. With his wife, he was riding in a crowded trolley car, when a wo man standing beside him turned her head suddenly and he was jabbed by a pin in the cheek. He thought noth ing of it for two weeks or more, and then his face began to swell and he was taken to the City hospital, where be died of blood poisoning. Fright Kills Woman. Mrs. David Thomas, of Wilkes- Barre, Pa., stricken with a sudden fear that her husband was dead or dying, was overcome at his bedside and died a short time later. Her husband had been 111 with bron chitis for some time and she was nursing him. Going to his bedside she asked how he was. He tried to an swer, but his cold was so deep that he had lost his voice. Panic-stricken, his wife cried he was dead, and fell unconscious. Find Girl's Slayer Dead. Michael Lillek, who shot and In stantly killed Miss Alice Hyland, nine teen years of age, in Pottsville, Pa., because she objected to his atten tions, was found dead on the moun tainside about a half mile from the scene of the murder. He shot himself through the head. Three shots were fired when Miss Hyland was killed, the two first ones in quick succession, and the third a few moments later. It is supposed that in his excitement In putting the pistol away Lillek accidentally shot himself in the hip He was traced by bloodstains for three-quarters of a mile until his body was found by the state police. He probably became exhausted as a result of the loss of blood, and rather than submit to capture, ahot himself.