"Easy Reading" Page.
Dental Operations.
I hav bin havin sum new
exspeerunses for a weak or
so, and as is kustomary i will
brake the news to the suffrin
publick with the pen whitch
the immortle feller sez is mi
tyer than the broad ax.
My teath havin becum vary
rotten and holler, and broak
off sos when i opened my
mowth it looked in thare like
the oald snags & stumps stick
in up out of Nigger pond out
neer Jinninsvill.
Wal, i finelly skrewed up
my curridge by takein a cork
skrew and removin the plug
from a bottle ov 40 rod, and
refreshin my inner man with
•a eupple big snifters, then the
dockter he interjeckted sum
fluid exstrack of paralices in
my gooms and then yanked
the last infurnel tooth out ov
my fodder trap. It wuz a
grate releef to no pozitiv that
i woodent never hav no moar
tooth ake to harass my sole.
Ivethawt about it a hull
lot, and this is the way it
strikes me. Natur diddent
calclate that a humen bein
shood be pestered with teath.
When we are born into this
onfrendly wurld ov tuff beef
stake and inglish wallnuts we
doant hav no moar teath than
a new born gooce aig, but the
happy parents cant be rsadis
fide till thay rub our gooms,
and make us naw a rubber
ring. At last natur is exas
perated and back we go to
the primitiv, havin teath like
the onsivilized woodchuck to
bite and devour our pray.
When the furst teenty tooth
cums peepin up thru our red
swelld gooms like a hill ov
beans in the urley springtime,
the fond parence danses a jig
and calls in thair nabers to
see it and rejoise with them
o\|gr the wunderfull sirkum-
It haint nothin to be
onless yu intend
a dentist ov the ba
bey. He is the oanley feller
that gits enny fun out ov the
rellums ov humen teath.
Wal, to cum back to my.
subject, after a spell i went &
sez to the doc, sez i, doant yu
spoze i cood hav a pattern ov
my mowth made and git a
set ov teath on trile now all
rite? and he sez, "Less see."
He exzamined my mowth
and sed he gessed he cood do
it, so he mixt a lot ov lath &
plaster and made a pare ov
moulds for to kast the teath
into. Then he got a gob ov
beaswacks and made me bite
onto it whitch hurt my gooms
like the dickens.
In a eupple days he had the
artyfishul grinders dun, and i
put em in thair respecktable
plases, and i swun toman if
it diddent feal as if i had swal
lered long laiged lumberman
and his rubber boots had got
tangled up in the raffters ov
my mowth and woodent go
up nor down. It wuz a
fealin i newer had sinse i cut
my furst tooth way back in
the sixtys.
I coodent hardley chaw my
kustomery cudd ov oald stan
derd navey plug.
On Sundy after meatin me
'll Mandy and the yunguns
went over to Squire Roberts'
for dinner. The Squire's bro
ther Jonas from New York
Sitty wuz thare a vizitin and
his davvter whitch is a risto
crat ov the noble and anshunt
line ov Kodfish, and has all
trimmins from a poodle 011 a
string to the habbit ov sayin
"New Yawk" Hur pa made
his wod sellin segar stubbs to
a siggaret foundry. His raw
mateerial diddent cost nothin
but the trubble ov fish in the
stubbs out ov the kusspitters
in the varyus hotells and sa
loons, and besides makin him
self a snug forchun, lie has
the grate sadisfaxun of know
in that he remooves temta
shun from the path ov menny
a brite yung man by causin
him to die yung from smoak
in the siggerets.
Wal, we all sot down to din
ner and the Squire ast me to
ask the blessin, but i shook
my hed, I diddent dast try it
owin to the unsurtenty ov
them teath.
Finelly we got down to the
okepashun ov eetin, andthats
a trade i hav felt for yeers i
vvuz a past master ov, but al
as! i sean i wuzzent nee high
to a suckin kaff at the jobb
with them teath.
I undertook to put a cupplej
taters in my mowth and my
upper plate turned a hand
spring and the mowthfulll
went in on top ov the hull]
shootin match and thare i
wuz. I coodent bite, i cood
ent swaller the taters hull, i
coodent say pleeze exskuze
me tor i coodent speek a
wurd. I sot thare in mizry a
long time and when thay ast
me why i diddent make out a
dinner, i sed "um-m um-m"
thru my noas, whitch is hog
pen latten for "no."
At last i got up and went
out to the woodshed and paw
ed the hull mess out and
when the Squires dog seen
the vittles and stuff', he cum
and grabbed it and hoggd it
down befoar i had time to say
u git out!"
Jolev Hancock ! sez i,
he's s wall old my teath
whitcli cost me lo dollers.
Wot in Sam litenin be i
agoin to do about it? How
can i purswade him to
k off'em up agin? It wuz
a turrable purj-plexin
problum
But pritty soon the (log
showed sines ov intnrnel
disaster, distress and indi
jesehun. He toar around
and slobberd out ov his
mowth, and when the
Squire seen he sex, "He's
got hiderfoby and wuz a
goin to shoot him, but i
sed it Wood be rong to
shoot on Sundy, and i not
bein affrade ov him wood
take him to the barn and
nock him in the lied, and
we wood send his lied to
the Pasture institoot to see
if he reely has got rabbits
or not. "Rabbits" se/
Jonas with a grin, "I gess
yu meen rabbeys.*' Wal
sex: i, mabev i do. So I
7 %/
took the dog and killed
him and found my teath
stuck in his tlirote. I did
dent hav the hart to ware
'em no moar till i washed
'em in sope sudds. 1 desid
ed the dog dide ov dogmat
tix- TOMAI Y ROTT.
N**w Rural Mt
The L'nitod States
merit has officially an
menced to operate a
which is Intended to rep.
lty of the star route postoi.
United States. The star ron.
are those which are called fourtn
postoffices, and the postmasters i..
chargß of these have been paid a per
centage on the postal business tiiey
transacted. As fast as possible
wagons will be introduced throughout
the United States. Each state will be
divided into circuits, these circuits be
ing of the length that a wagon can
cover in a day. The postal clerks in
charge of these wagons Issue money
orders, register letters and transact
a general postal business. The mail
is delivered either at the houses of the
people along the route or placed in
what is called a rural free delivery box
near a residence. The postal clerk has
one key to this box and the occupants
of the residence the other. In this
way the posioffice comes to the peo
COLLECTING MAI fj ON I'Ot'N TKY KOAD.
pie instead of their going to the post
office.
The inventor of this postoffice wagon
is Edwin \V. Shriver of Westminster,
Md.. who was for years a purser on the
Iron Steamboat line between New
York and Long Branch. Mr. Shriver
has been appointed postal clerk of the
wagon which began operation last
Monday.
It is estimated by the postoffice de
partment that about 40,000 of the minor
rural postoflices will be done away with
by the use of these wagons.
Compllini? :> lllotioiifivy.
Nearly everyone has had the bright
idea that it must be a tremendous
amount of work to get up a diction
ary, but few have any notion of tho
real size of the task. When Johnson
got his famous dictionary started he
calculated that, with six assistants, he
could complete the task in three years,
It took him nine years instead. lie re
ceived the small recompense of s7.f>oo.
and had to pay his assistants out of
that.
Webster worked -I years before h!s
dictionary made its how to the world.
Webster was very punctilious in his
definitions, and so piirstaking that it
was a wonder he completed the work
when he did.
The words which give the compiler
of a dictionary the most trouble are th«
• little one-syllable Saxon words. Their
history extends back into the Saxon
period, and their meaning has become
twisted in many directions. Words
with pedigrees are the hardest to trace.
When a new dictionary is projected
one man is selected as editor-in-chief
and he appoints his subeditors. Then
appeals are sent out to literary people
in general for voluntary contributions
in the nature of rare and curious
worda. There are over 1.000 people
• who have offered their services in the
I case of a dictionary now making. They
' I are to read standard works, ancient
i ' and modern, in the search for curious
I words, their origin and meaning. These
words, written on slips of paper, are
| filed in thousands of pigeon-holes. Over
I six tons of clips have been put aw.iv
This means 6.000.000 words. But only
1.000.000 will be printed. The amount
> of work necessary to properly sort
these is evident.
Stockholders Meeting.
' The annual meeting of the stock
holders of Lake Mokoma Company,
! for theelection of directors anil th«
, other business, will 1>»
1 held iit the office of F. \V. Meylert,
, K*'!-, at Laporte Pa., on Thursday,
November l(», H*oi), at ten o'clock A.
M.
Attest: J. Pennock; President,
Edwin S. Phillips; Secretary.
I ii>
The Best place
to buy goods
| Is often asked by the pru
; pent housewife.
' Money saving advantages
jarealways being searched for
j Lose no time in making a
»j thorough examination of the
New Line of Merchandise
Now on
iEX H1 BITtON p
? ? ? ??? ? ? ?
STEP IN AND ASK
ABOUT THEM.
|
' All answered at
i ■
Vernon Hull's
Large Store,
ip&4|gir&v«i» P*.