Germany may regard Samoan -waters
as a desirable location for trouble ow
ing to the fact that Admiral Dewey
cannot be iu two places at the same
time.
Otir government lias decided to pay
the Cuban soldiers enough to take
them to their homes and give them a
start ill life. The sum mentioned is
SIOO per man. Stable conditions will
then be in sight,and the labor demand
will quickly absorb those willing to
return to work. Some practical diffi
culty will be found iu guarding against
fraud iu the matter of giving only to
actual soldiers, but it is not insupe>'
ible.
The practical isolation of Spain
from the rest of the world is indicated
for one thing by the fact that while
there are yet a hundred roads of one
kind or another over the Pyrenees be
tween France and Spain only three of
the roads are passable for carriages.
But even more insuperable than the
range of the Pyrenees is that way of
pride and prejudice which the haugh
ty Castilian interposes between himself
and the progressive ideas of the outer
world.
An English writer has concluded
that the disease we call cold has very
little connection with weather or damp
feet, or draughts of air, or any of the
casual dangers of which we have been
taught togo in fear; and he warns his
fellow-countrymen that by the "cod
dling treatment" usually adoptel to
avoid colds they are running a grave
risk of "undermining the health and
hardihood of our English race." He
implores them to cultivate that hardi
ness "which is so characteristic of our
nation, which would prove as effective
a protection against cold as against
other enemies." This is logical enough
from the premises of the writer, and
there is a delightful flavor of English
modesty iu the suggestion of national
superiority as the supreme object of
hygiene, but we fear that even Eng
lish hardihood might suffer from a too
sudden application of the theory.
It is said that the manufacturers of
Great Britain are combining for a
fight to a finish with the labor unions.
This is unfortunate, if true, com
ments the Atlantic Journal. Tho com<
biued manufacturers of Great Britain
would represent an immense power,
but they would find in the millions of
men who belong to the labor organiza
tions an immense power also. It
would be a battle of giants with a cer
tainty that each would be badly hurt.
Organized labor is stronger now
throughout the civilized world than it
ever was before; stronger by reasen of
its larger membership and its more
perfect co-operation; stronger also in
the support ami sympathy it receives
from those who are outside of its
bands. It does not appear that the
labor unions of Great Britain have
been as reasonable and judicious as
those of theUnited States have been,
but that they are a mighty force can
not be denied. The cause of the pres
ent friction is the protest of the labor
unions against what they considered an
unjust reduction of wages. Both sides
seem stubborn aud determined to fight
it out. One or the other will of course
have to give in at the last, and when
the net result is cast up it will be
found that both have suffered immense
•y-
The experiment just now being tried
by our government in many parts of
the country, which is meant to test the
efficacy and economy of free rural
mail-delivery, is one fraught with
riches of benefit scarcely to be com
puted, especially to educational and
literary interests and to geueral cul
ture. The daily, weekly aud monthly
press is soon to reach practically all
the farmhouses in the laud. Cau any
mind grasp the full meaning of this
great change? Every close observer,
who has mingled freely with the
country people, the genuinely rural
population of our great laud has been
struck with their natural intelligence,
their sturdy self-reliance.and their de
sire to have the rising generation
brought into contact with educatiug
and encouraging influence. The farm
er may not read much himself, he
may show small interest in most
things that make for culture, so far as
concerns himself; but speak of
schools, colleges, the great sources of
enlightenment, and he immediately re
sponds with a thought for his sous
and daughters. Bring a daily free
mail to his door and his first act is to
try a daily paper; books follow; the
farmhouse begins to take on the
air of a home; the latest magazines
and journals of art and science find a
new field for their influence in re
mote nooks and corners us soon as the
latent taste of our country folk is£tirred
into activity, observes the New Yorli
Indaneudeut
Is it true that Americans spend
more money each year on candies and
other sweets than they do on beer,
wiues aud other liquors combined? If
it is, that may be why the dentists
• make so good a living.
Of the $1,210,291,913 worth of
American products exported last year
nearly $1,000,000,000 went to Europe.
Nearly $80,000,000 went to the Domin
ion of Canada—a per cai>ita basis for
our nearest neighbors of $15.50 for
every man, woman and child. Our
entire sales in South and Central
America were ouly $1 per capita. We
exported to the Philippines $127,787
worth of goods.
The United States constitues the
richest nation on the globe. Mulliall
furnishes these figures: United States,
§81,750,000,000 Great Britain $39,030,-
000,000; France, $17,950,000,000;
Germany, $40,260,000,000 ;Bussia $32, -
125,000,000; Austria, $22,560,000,000;
Italy, $15,800,000,000; Spain $11,300,-
■ 000,000., These computations are
J based upon values as shown by real
! estate records, buildings, merchandise
| and railways,as well as the circulating
j medium in each nation. As will be
seen our wealth is more than seven
times greater than that of Spain, dou
ble that of France, equal to the com
bined wealth of Russia, Italy Austria
and Spain, and $22,720,000,000 larger
than that of Great Britain.
A socialistic measure is proposed
for a county in Kansas. It is intend
! Ed to submit to a vote of the people at
the next election the question, "Shall
the county own its telephone system?"
| If the proposition goes through the
! county is to build a system and supply
I every farmhouse with a telephone.
I The expense of building and operat
| ing the plant is to be borne by direct
! taxation, aud the county is to be given
; authority to spread out the original
! cost of construction over ten years,
one-tenth to ba paid each year. An
other telephone bill of novel scope is
i proposed in Indiana. An advocate for
school reform has framed a measure
which contemplates abolishing all the
schoolhonses in the various counties
i aud teaching the children in their owu
I homes by telephone. The state is to
j furnish the telephones, which are less
expeusive thau the maintenance of the
j schoolhonses.
It is to be noted that the constrnc
i tion of automobiles iu this country,
! though only fairly begun, has not
| thus far given cause for discourage
| ment. Already orders from Paris and
Bombay suggest to what centre busi
ness opinion abroad is looking. The
papers were full not long ago of «c
--counts of the trials of these vehicles
iu France, but the results do not seem
to have been very encouraging, and
recently a French aud American syndi-
I cate have arranged for the manufacture
of a large number of automobiles by
a Chicago firm. With comparative
failure in construction both in France
and Great Britain, it would seem that
a quick perception of their oppor
i tuuity|ought to give our manufacturers
j almost as firm a place in foreign mar
| kets as they will undoubtedly have iu
! our own. Their is no J-eason why we
i should not repeat the triumphs of our
electrical machinery, which is now
preferred everywhere abroad. The
application of electricity to the new
vehicles is an important part of the
problem, aud a part we are specially
fit to solve.
For the* calendar year the record
disclosed by figures is a remark
able one. The total exports amounted
to $1,254,925,169, which represents an
increase of over $155,000,000 as com
pared with those for 1897 and of ovei
$259,000,000 as compared with those
for 1896. The imports were valued
at $633,664,634, which represented »
decrease of over $108,900,000 as com
pared with thoso for 1897, and of ovei
$47,900,000 as compared with those
for 1896. The value of the exports
for the year was not far from double
that of the imports. The excess foi
the year amounted to $621,260,535,
which was greater by $264,146,671
than that for the preceding year,
while as compared with 1896 it sliowe.l
a still greater gain. What the figure?
mean in perspective may be gatliere 1
from the statement that the export?
Were the largest in the history of the
country, while we have togo back foi
a period of thirteen years to find a to
tal of imports so low as that recorded
for 1898. Not the least noteworthy
feature disclosed by the figures is the
large excess of importo over exports
of gold, which amounted to $141,811,
I 298, whereas in 1897 the imports and
exports of this metal almost balanced,
the exports showing a trifling excess.
Taken altogether, the exhibit is the
most striking in the statistical aunal?
of the country's foreign trade.
THE DOERS AND DREAMERS.
The bugles are calling to battle! Come, The other division In smaller; Its members
boys, with an answering "Here!" have little to say;
And, while you are waiting for orders,a song They're too busy bearing the burdens the
and a watchword of cheer! Dreamors have left in their way.
The men who are marching beside you are They don't soar on star-seeking pinions to
numbered in companies two— Fancy's illusive ideals;
In "A" are the (lies of the Dreamers; la "B" They know that the boulder of Duty the gem
are the fellows who do. of Contentment conceals.
The Dreamers contain the vast number who Then don't run to look for n rainbow till
long for a place and a name, after tho tempest is past;
But think to be wakened from slumber by Success, tho' so fickle a creature, will wed
some fairy goddess of Fame. bold Endeavor at last.
They never grow weary of telling of prizes This bit of gold comes from life's testing,re
they're hoping to win, member 'twill always ring true:
But, somehow, they fancy tomorrow will be Keep out of the army of Dreamers! Got hold
the best time to begin. with the fellows who do!
—Ernest Neal Lyon, in The New Voice.
PTHE LINOTYPE LADY."]
IBY H. C. PEARSON. &
The Honorable William Jarvis, state
senator aud candidate for governor,
was calling upon his betrothed, Miss
Laura Jackson. The Honorable Wil
liam was generally alluded to as a
"rising young man"and the future
Mrs. Jarvis as a "sensible girl." The
match, therefore, was adjudged "very
suitable." The two parties most con
;erned gave little thought to its suit
ibility, but were very sure that it bad
been made in heaven and they them
selves thereby absolved from all re
iponsibity for it.
But bqpause Miss Jackson was a
jensiblo girl she was interested iu the
Honorable William as statesman as
well as lover. Therefore she was not
:ontent with the brief answer, "busi
ness," which he made to her inquiry
as to why on this particular evening
ne was rather absent-minded and less
joyously happy than usual. It was
not in her nature to be denied any in
formation which she earnestly wished
lo possess, aud so, before long, she
Bad learned just what was worrying
her future lord but present vassal.
The leading newspaper in the north
ern part of the state.it appeared,being
independent in politics, had so far re
fused to commit itself to any guberna
torial candidate. This greatly disap
pointed Jarvis, who had confidently ex
pected its support. In fact, he was
afraid that if his opponent was en
dorsed by the Webster Whig h : s own
shances for victory would 1 • parcep
tibly lessened; while on tne other
hand,if the Whig would place tho name
t>f William Jarvis at the head of its
editorial columns he did not see how
he could be defeated.
All this having been dutifully ex
plained to Miss Laura, she wrinkled
iier forehead charmingly for perhaps
three miuntes and then anuounced
with calm decision that she had solved
the problem.
"And now, Will," she said, "if I get
)he Whig to come out for you what re
ward of merit do I get?"
"I will marry you a month sooner
lhan we had planned," promised Jar
vis, with remarkable readiness.
"Impudence! Did you never hear,
'Married in haste, repent at leisure?'
But seriously now, will you make one
appointment just as I wish it made,
issuniing, of course, that thepeison
Is eutiiely competent?"
"Why,yes," assented Jarvis, some
what slowly. "I don't approve of
»ute-election pledges as a general
thing, but I think 1 am justified in
Making au exception in this case. Let's
jfficiallv seal the agreement."
Which they did most satisfactorily.
A few days later the editor aud
lianager of the Webster Whig were
engaged iu anxious consultation.
"It's no use,"the latter was saying,
"I've telegraphed everywhere I can
:hink of, and there does not seem to
be a linotype operator out of work
from one end of the country to the
sther. We'll have to rig up some
trames aud get three or four of the
Did hand compositors back."
"But that will make the paper look
like the dickens," objected young
Willis,the editor, "audit will increase
expenses, too."
"Sure," assented the manager;"but
what else can we do? You- tell."
Just in time to save Willis from the
necessity of confessing hi« incapacity
there came a knock at the door.
"Come in," called the manager
without turning his head.
But Willis was facing the door, and
as it opened to admit a very pretty girl
the celerity with which he removed
his feet from tho table impelled his
partner to do likewise."
"Excuse me," began the visitor,
"but I understand that you wish to
hire a linotype operator."
"We do," chorused the two men.
"And so I have come to ask for the
place," continued the young ladv. "I
Lave not had much experience, but I
can average thirty Ave hundred au
hour, and they tell me that my proofs
are remarkably clean."
The editor kicked the manager
under the table, and the latter replied
without hesitation:
"We'll take you on trial anyway. I
don't mind telling you that you have
come in the nick of time. We do
need an operator and badly. How
soon can you begiu work?"
"This minute," replied the girl,
promptly.
"Very well," said the manager and,
with a few instructions, bowed her
out. "She'll do," he remarked to bis
partner as he resumed his seat and
elevated his feet once more.
"Gee! I should think she would!"
asserted Willis more forcibly than
eleg intly.
The new hand did not fail to equal
the expectation of her employers. She
was quietly courteous to those in the
office, men and girls alike, but she
"minded her own business," as the
foreman put it, and, perhaps for that
reason, was more efficient than the
average of the operators,
The office bov, an irreverent youth
who alluded to Willis as "Bilious"
and to his partner as "the old man,"
expressed the general feeling ns to
the new girl when he said to the edi
tor one day: •
"The linotype lady wants to know
if this is right."
"The what?" ejaculated Willis in
amazement.
"The linotype lady. That's what
she is. I know 'em when 1 see one,
an' she's the real article."
So she was christened, and the
name stuck, to the envy of the other
girls.
About a week after this addition to
the force, Willis opeued the Whig one
evening and glanced first, as was his
custom, at the elitorial page. For
perhaps half a minute he stared in
blank amazement. Then he dropped
the paper aud executed a war dance.
In response to his frantic calls the
manager hastened iuto the inner edi
toriul sanctum aud calmly inquired
what was the matter.
"Has the foremau dropped out
another line in the make-up or did
your typewriter go off its feet and
make a mistake for which yon wish to
blame the proofreader? What ails
you, anyway?"
"Have you looked at the editorial
page?" asked Willis,
"Why, no, what's wrong with it?"
"Did you write or cause to be writ
ten that Jarvis editorial?"
"What Jarvis editorial? I wrote
none and kuow nothing about any. I
thought we were to be neutral iu that
light."
"That was the way I understood it,"
said Willis, more puzzled now than
angry, "but here is the strongest kind
of an editorial in tonight's Whig ad
vocating the election of Jarvis. If
you dou't know anything about it aud
I don't know anything about it who
does know about it? And what are
we going to do about it?"
"First,let's find out who does know
about it," very practically suggested
the manager. "What does the proof
reader say?"
But the proofreader had never seeu
the editorial until they showed it to
her. She was positive that she had
uot read the proof of it, and the copy
holder supported her by affirming that
no copy for it had passed through her
hands.
When the foreman who made up the
paper was questioned he did remember
placing the type in the forms and read
ing the headline, but that was as far
us his information went. And the as
sistant foreman, who gave out the
copy, made the mystery deeper than
ever by asserting that no such editorial
matter had been handled by him. The
"devil," who took the proofs, was
equally certain that he had had noth
ing to do with that particular lot of
type.
The linotype operators were next iu
order for questioning,uud among them
Willi.! expected to find the solution of
the puzzle,for it was only too evident
that the troublesome editorial had
been putin type by somebody. But
one after another of the operators
denied all knowledge of the matter
until the entire roll had been called
without the faintest glimmering of
light. Willis noticed that when he
approached the linotype lady she was
very pale and apparently disturbed,
but when he asked, "Did you see the
copy for this editorial, Miss?" t-.he
answered so promptly: "No, sir,"
and met his gaze so unflinchingly that
he had not the heart to doubt her.
All investigati >u having thus proved
fruitless, the editor and the manager
shut themselves iu again for further
discussion.
"The next question is," said Willis,
"what shall we do about it?"
"It looks to me," replied the mun
ager, "as if we ought to make the best
of it aud adopt Jarvis as our candi
date."
"But that is probably just what the
person wants who put up this job on
us," objected Willis.
"Precisely," asseuted the manager;
"but what other course is open to us?
If, without explanation, we oppose
Jarvis, we shall be called turncoats,
weather-vaues and other choice names.
If,on the other hand, we tell just what
has happened and give it as our reason
for opposiug Jarvis, who will believe
us? No one. Like a great deal of
.truth, it is absurdly improbable. Now
you and I kuow that Jarvis is not a
bad fellow aud that he will make a
pretty good governor. He differs
from us on some points, I know, but
perhaps we can bring him around to
our way of thinkiug after a while. He
is one of those meu whom it is easier
to lead than to drive, anyway. Now
what do you say?"
Willis did not faucy the idea at all,
but the longer he pondered the further
away he fouud himself from any other
way out of the difficulty. So he
yielded gracefully and from that mo
ment until the end of the campaign
wrote vigorously and well iu Jarvis'
support.
More than once in that time the
linotype lady, with a piece of editorial
copy before her, stopped to read it ovet
a second aud a third time. And anyone
who had happened to bq watching her
would have wondered at the smile of
mingled triumph, coquetry aud hap
piness that lit up her face on those oc
casions.
Betore long, however, the linotype
lady resigned her place. The supply
of operators had become once more
equal to the demand, and as SOJII as
she learned the fact she prepared tc
bid the Whig good-by. The foreman,
the manager and the editor all pro
tested, and even the other operators,
in spite of their occasional jealousy,
were sorry to lose her. The linotype
lady said that she was sorry togo,
which was true, but that she hud au
opportunity to engage in a line of woi k
which she liked even better, and thai
also was true.
As said line of work was the prepa
ration of au elaborate and beautiful
trousseau for her own use, any woman
can understand how even the sensible
Miss Jackson could find no employ
ment in the world more to her taste.
"How did you do it?" asked Jarvis
on tho first opportunity, referring to
the Whig, which he held iu liis hand
and which at the head of its editorial
page announced in bold type: "For
governor, William Jarvis."
Having secured his solemn promise
"never to tell," his betrothed satis
fied his curiosity.
"You remember that first editorial
iu your favor?" she asked. "No one
knew or could find out how it got into
the paper, but since it was there and
in the whole edition the editor and the
mauager decided tlia 1 12. it was best to
stick it out and advocate your election
to the best of their ability. As you
knew, that is what they are doing,aud
I call it very nice of them.
"How did that first editorial get in?
Well,l'll tell you that, too. One noon
I waited iu the dressiug room until
everyone was gone and then slipped
back to mv machine. My thoughts
were aud had been so full of you and
your candidacy that it took but a few
minutes for me to put that editorial iD
type even without copy."
"You mean that you made it up as
you set it?" quoried Jarvis with ad
miration.
"Just that. When it was done I
took u proof, glanced through it hasti
ly, made a few corrections aud put the
type on the 'bauk' with some other
editorial matter. The foreman was iu
a hurry when he came to make it up
and merely glanced at the heading.
Seeing that it was double-leaded he
placed it, very rightly, as the leader
of the day.
"I was a good deal scared while the
mysterious e.ditoriul was being inves
tigated, for I really did not want to
tell a downright lie. But Mr. Willis
was kind enough to put his inquiry in
such a way that I could answer it in
the negative without the slightest
strain on my conscience.
"And now, when you are elected,as
of course you will be, yon must not
forget your promise about letting me
make au appoiutment."
"It shall be my first official duty,"
assented Jarvis, "but may I not kuo\i
who is to be appointed to what?"
"Will you promise to keep this a se
cret also? Well, then, I want you to
appoint Willis state printer. The
place is worth about five thousand
dollars a yer.r, isu't it? He was very
good to me, you see; in fact, they ai!
were, but he especially. Of course,he
knows nothing about this plan. I wish
to surprise him as much as I did you,
and him, too, with that editorial. Maj
I?"
Jarvis said "yes" very readily,being
considerably relieved to find that the
appoiutment which he had promised
was to be thus worthily bestowed.
Aud so, when it was Governor Jar
vis by twenty thousand plurality, one
of the first acts of the new chief ex
ecutive was to invite Willis to call
upon him. The young editor, some
what surprised at the message, made
the trip as requestod.and his surprise
was increased when the governor told
him that he had been selected for the
place of state printer.
"I wish to say, sir," explained Wil
lis after a moment's thought, "that if
your choice is based on the Whig's po
sition during the campaign, you are
making a mistake. For the paper's
support you are not indebted to me."
"Indeed!" exclaimed Jarvis. "Tc
whom then?"
"That I do not know," confessed
Willis, aud wen; onto tell the story
which the governor had heard before.
"That is a curious ami interesting
incident," said the latter, gravely, but
with a twinkle in his eye. "The posi
tion of your paper, however, had little
to do with my choice of yon to be public
printer. That was mainly brought
about through the influence of a lady."
"A lady?" ejaculated Willis. "Im
possible! I have no woman friend
who can have influence with you, and
if I had 1 con 1.1 not accept a position
secured in such a way."
"Wait!" commanded Jarvis. "You
are altogether too hasty in your state
ments and your conclusions. It may
help to solve your difficulties if I make
you acquainted with my wife."
With somewhat suspicious timeli
ness the door opeued, and a very smil
ing young woman entered.
"Mrs. Jarvis," said the governor,
"may I make you acquainted with my
friend, Mr. Willis? Perhaps, how
ever, be already kuows you as—"
"The linotype lady," said Willis
and Mrs. Jarvis in chorus. —Waverley
Magazine.
Pried nf Manila Hum.
Ham is high in Manila. One dol
lar a pound for any that is fit to eat,
while chickens are only two cents
apiece and eggs a shilling a hundred.
Beef is not plentiful. It generally
comes from China, and, as the dingy
line of steamers from Hong Kong does
not proviae cold storage, boef is often
too high, too, when it arrives —even
hiahar than the ham.
THE BALLAD OF BERRY BROWN.
Oh, do you know a country lad by name of
Berry Browu,
Who rides upon a load of wood along the
streets of town ?
He has a hat turned u,i ! n front and crum
pled down behind,
His curly hair so and *air Is tumbled by
the wind,
And through his coat his peep, and
through his boots his toe.:
Cut everywhere and anywhere ho whittles
ai he goes.
I
There's something strangely taking ill tho
eyes of Berry Brown—-
Thoy seem to flash a cheery !ight along the
streets of town;
Despite his coarse and tatterod vest, his
boots and hat forlorn.
His trousers patched, thread bars and sagged,
his shirt HO old and worn,
For every glimpse he gives he takes a meas
ure of surprise.
Vnd everybody wonders where the Becret of
it lies.
(Lnd so his way of sitting there, so steadfast,
calm and strong;
His air, as if his whistling bore wagon anil
wood along;
His independence and self-trust, the flrm
set throat and chin,
The working of his muscles when he reins
his horses in,
Take hold of one and fascinate, as hints and
glimpses can,
(Ylieu all the glory of a boy is merging into
man.
Dh, Berry Brown looks careless, b'lt he
holds bis Eecret well;
Far hidden in the clouds are heights whereon
his visions dwell;
tVithiu him somewhere swells a vein of an
cient hero-vim.
\nd who shall hold him back one stop, or
set the pace for him?
tVait, you shall see if poverty can chain so
strong a soul,
Or if to sell his wood can be the rounding ot
his goal !
The old folk shako their heads and say
"l.ook out for Berry Browu
iVhen he shall measure forces with the best
boys in the town !
The wind has beat in Berry's face, the sun
has burned his skin.
Ind w nter's cruel hand has pinched where
Berry Brown has been;
3ut hearts like his are bravo enough to meet
the strokes that form
Lnd fortify the giant souls that take the
world by storm !"
—Maurice Thompson, iu St. Nicholas.
HUMOROUS.
He—Are you sure your love for me
Jlsdead? Slie Yes. Heart failure.
Gilfoyle lsn't Biuglian einbar
.•nssed by his debts? Poindexter—
No, but his creditors are.
! Fond Parent—The child is full of
music. Sarcastic Visitor—Yes. What
l pity it is allowed to escape.
"Here," said the boomerang, as it
turned, "here is where I get back at
aim for trying to throw me over."
"I suppose lovers' quarrels are nat
lral enough." "To be sure. Striking
i match is always followed by a Hare
ip." '
' "My doll can shut her eyes and go
Ito sleep just lovely." "Huh !My
i 101l never goes to sleep at all; she's
jot insomnier."
! Little Gregory—Papa, why do yon
| lay that the pen is more powerful thau
| he swordV Papa—Because you can
j lot sigu checks with a sword.
The Mother—Somehow I feel that I
•an trust my daughter to you. The
Accepted One Yon can, indeed,
: nadam. Everybody trusts me.
j 'Our boy will make his mark som' 1 dday,1" 1
Saiii his parents with great delight.
He did—but iu an illiterate way,
| For lie never learned to write !
| Briggs—Did you ever try to write
down all the utterly senseless things
Ihat came into your head? Griggs—•
Dertainly. Haven't I been engaged?
Life is but a toothless, hairless begin
ning and a toothless, hairless end,
set ween which are sandwiched the
solemn ceremony of a marriage and
jther mistakes.
Scribbles—My new book will be out
»oou. I hope you will lose no time in
;eading it. Miss Cittting—lndeed, I
' ivou't. I lost several hours reading
four other one.
"While ebullient youth," said the
I Cornfed Philosopher, "has glittering
Lopes of seeing his name on the roll
of fame, sedate middle age is glad to
have it on the pay roll."
"What did you do with your puz
zle editor?" asked the friend of the
editor of the new magazine. "Dis
charged him,"replied the editor. "He
' couldn't guess where his salary was to
come from."
When Flynn heard tliat Mr. Smith
was afflicted with softening of the
brain, he thought it a great disgrace;
and, when he was told he might have
the same trouble himself some day, he
■ brought down his hand with emphasis
! on the marble counter, and said, "I
j want you to understand that my head ia
just as solid as that slab!"
Wliy Dpwry l>i*conf inued the Baffle.
Ido not exaggerate in the least
when I say that, as we hauled oil' into
the bay, the gloom on the bridge of the
Olympia was thicker than a London
fog in November. Neither Commo
dore Dewey nor any of the staff' be
lieved that the Spanish ships had been
sufficiently injured by our lire to pre
vent them from renewing the battle
quite as furiously as they had pre
viously fought. Indeed, we had all
been distinctly disappointed in the re
sults of our Are. Our projectiles
Beemed togo too high or too low—
just as had been the case with those
fired at us by the Spaniards. Several
times the commodore had expressed
dissatisfaction with the failure of our
gunners to hit the euamv. We had
begun the firing at too great a dis
tance, but we had gradually worked in
further on each of the turns, until wo
were within about 2500 yards at the
close of the fifth round. At that dis
tance, in a smooth sea, we ought to
have made a large percentage of hits;
yet, so far as we could judge, we had
not seusibly crippled the foe. Conse
quently Commodore Dewey hauled
out into the open bay at the end of
the fifth round to take stock of am
munition and devise a new plan of at
tack.—Joseph I* Stick nay, in Harper'a
Magazine.