SULLIVAN .JSHS) REPUBLICAN. W. M. CHENEY. Publisher. VOL. XIII. Science has discovered that peanut* are more nutritious than beef. The Apneho chief, "Red Tail," who attempted to hold up a couple of cow boys in New Mexico tho other day, now belongs to the Improved Order of lied Men. Ho is dead. Persia is about to make tho experi ment of producing its own sugar. Beet root culturo on a small scale has already proved a success, and thisyear the root is to bo cultivated very ex tensively. The twelve States or Territories of South Africa have a population of about 6,000,000, of whom 1,400,000 are whites. Tho principal State is Capo Colony, whoso exports last year were §56,000,000, imports $55,000,- 000. Some time ago California offered a bounty of 35 each for coyote scalps. It was supposed at the timo that there were not more than 2000 coyotes ia tho State, but tho claim for bounties for the last quarter of 1891 already amounts to 853,000 with seventeen other counties to hear from. It is probablo that Norman A. Mozely, of Missouri, will be the youngest member of tho next House of Representatives. He was born on a farm in 1866, and worked as a farm hand until 1887, when he had educa ted himself sufficiently to teach school and study law. Colonel George B. McClellan, of New York, who is abont thirty, will be another of the youthful members of a House that bids fair to be noted for the young men in it. The total number of Scandinavians in this country is about 1,000,000, but instead of being distributed through out tho various States, they are to bo found almost exclusively in the North west, observes tho Atlanta Constitu tion. Norweigans are most numerous in Minnesota, where the total Scandi navian body amounts to 250,000, double tho number of Germans and eight times more than the Irish. Swedes are most numerous in Illinois, where they number more than 90,000 in a total Scandinavian population of about 125,000. In the city of Chicago there are more than 10,000 Swedish, moro than 5000 Norweigan aud more than 2500 Danish voters. The Danes, the smallest of tho groups of Scandi navian voters in the country, are most numerous in lowa. Tho Rev. Dr. Reuen Thomas, of Brookline, Mass., devoted consider able timo last summer to listening to other preachers, and as the result of his experience makes a report strong ly in favor of written sermons. He says:"l havo tried to recall the ser mons which held me at that time and which have stayed by me since. To my great astonishment, not ono of them was extemporaneous. With one exception, I did not hear a single extemporaneous sermcn that was scholarly, with much of intellectual flavor about it, logically suggestive or strikingly devout. I did not hear one sermon in which the proacher used a manuscript which had not about it a delightful intellectual flavor, with logical continuity of thought, devo tional feeling and much of suggestive ness." Dr. Thomas's observations were made among Episcopalians, Pres byterians, Congregationalists, Luther ans and Roman Catholics. The New York Independent says: There must be something highly valu able in the use of the bioycle, which has long passed the stago of "orazo," and has become so much the estab lished order of things as to have ser iously injured the market for horses. There is every reason to suppose that a moderate and rational use of the bicycle directly contributes to health —of course the mental strain and pro tracted over-exertion called for in racing are an immense tax on tho vital force. It has long been known that the violent muscular effort of the hunted hare, who is coursed to his death by dogs, produces just as un natural a condition of the blood as does a severe infectious fever; and tho occasional cases of persons who havo unsound hearts, dying from the extra efforts of the "cycle," should be a warning. Dr. Tessie, of Bordeaux, studied carefully the effect of the efforts of M. Stephane, whose objeot was to see how many miles he oonld ride in twenty-four hours. He ac complished 385 miles. Ho lost in Weight fourteen pounds. His food consisted of five pints of milk, one pint of tea, ono pint of letaouade, and three ounces each of ru:n and cham* pagne, and seven ounces of miut; and the secretions so changed as to show that "his body ate itself." Tiiis kin I of living will do for a "spurt," but would be ruinous in the louts run. MY CLOCK. In tho silence of the night. If I waken with affright, From a dream that's full of terror anil annoy, There's a sound that Alls my heart With a melody of art, Full of beauty, full of pleasure, full of joy. 'TIs the steady "tlok, tick, tock." Of my sturdy little clock, As it sits across the room upon a shelf; And it says: "Don't be afraid. For I've olosely by you stayed While you woro off in tho land of dreams yoursolf. ••With a steady 'tlok, tick, tick,' I am never tired or sick. And I count the minutes over as they fly; I'm the truest friend you've got, And I share your ev'ry lot, And I'm ready to stand by you till you die." It's a common sort of clock, But 1 like its lusty "tock," And it Alls my soul with courigo by its song. In the storm, or cold, or rain, I hear Its bright refrain, As it faithfully pursues its path along. For it tells me to be true To each thing I have to do, And, no matter if the world applaud or scorn, That full soon must pass tho night, And tho sweet and precious light Be unfolded with the coming of the morn. —Hamilton Jay, in Florida Times-Union. A DREADFUL HEADACHE. BT W. J. LAMPTOV. —jj> * HAD a haad " i&J nc^e * * se e nn y especial rea • B ° n wh y a y°ung ~ ~ U man of good moral character habits, who takes H"(/ (/ \yv> 8 hours' sleep seven nights in the week should have a headache, but I did. It was one of that popping kind of headaches, that makes one feel ns if his lungs had gone to his head and they were trying to expand there about four diameters, at intervals of a minute. I believe they call them nervous headaches, but I fancy they wouldn't be any more agreeable by any other name. Then my heart was as heavy as lead, and once or twice as I walked along, I really feared it was going to pull loose from its fastenings and drop down upon my duodenum, or whatever it is that the doctors toll us is concealed in our persons in that neighborhood. Possibly it was the heavy heart that gave me tho headache. But no. I recall now that I was going to see Kitty, tho one girl in the whole world that made it any kind of a world for mo, aud we had a slight misunder standing. It wasn't tho head that gave me the heart ache; it was the heart that gave me tho headache. I believe I said that I took eight hours' sleep seven nights in the week. At this point, I wish to modify that statement. In tho week past, I had douo so only six nights, for the night before the day on which I was on my way to tee Kitty wo had disagreed with each other. I ddk't think I slept at all. I was going now to sco the young woman and settle the matter finally, and though I was a promising young lawyer ready to make a case for any body else, I had no papers in this case, and was goiug empty handed. I didn't even have so much as my brief with me. At the doer Mrs. Miltby—Mrs. Miltby is Kitty's mother, and a most exemplary aud motherly soul—met me, and on the instant started back in amazement. "Why, John"—tho always called me Johu, for she had known me sino« I was a mere baby—"Why, John," she exclaimed, "whatever is tho mat ter with you? You look like you were going to have a bad spell." "Oh, that will be all right in a day or so," I replied evasively. "I have a severe headache. Is your daughter at home?" "You mean Kitty?" she asked in surprise. "Of course," said I. "You haven't any other daughter, have you?" and I made believe to smile. "Oh, I didn't know," she stain merod. "Didn't know what?" and I tried to smile again. "Didn't know whether you had another daughter or not?" "Why, to be—certainly 1 know that. Why, how queor you do talk," she rattled on half hysterically, and laugh ing one of that creepy kind of laughs one dreams of when he hasn't oaten the right thing for supper. "Ar—ar ■ —you quite sure, John," she broke put excitedly, "that that headache hasn't gone to your head?" It was cruel to tease her, and with a supreme effort I talked rationally to her for a few minutes—they seemed like hours to me, and then she said she would go and tell Kitty. As for myself, I went into the little parlor and waited. How sweet and pretty it looked, and how like a sand stone on a gold setting I felt. Every thing was as I had seen it so often, the pioture of her grandpa over the cottage piano; the frame in which my picture had been for so many months, but empty now on the corner of the mantel; tho largo photograph of Saint Cecilia looking heavenward, as we had so often told each other we al ways felt when we were together ; the two big friendly chairs inviting each other to come nearer, which we al ways sat in when I first came in the evening, and the snug littlo sofa in the corner that was always my point of departure when I told her good night, and went my way back to my own cheerloss apartments in a home less boarding house. I looked at them all, and as tho drowning man sees all his sins before hiin, so did I see these all things twice over,and multiplied by LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, APRIL 12. 1895. a thousand as the greatest blessings of iny life. Then I shut my eyes. I oould not help it. My head felt as if n dozen sets of lungs had gotten into it and were doing expansion turns for ' a prize. j I opened my eyes suddenly at the sound of a voice. "Mother told me you wished to sea me," it suid as chilly as if it had been left out over night in the frost. "Ob, Ki—," I began, as I stood up before her. "I beg your pardon," I continued, "your mother was quite right, I did wish to see you." "I nan scarcely understand why," she went on,"after what occurred last night. Still, yon may be able to explain and I am willing to listen, at least for a few minutes, as I have an engagement," she added, with the faintest kind of a smile. It was such a miserably mean little I smile, I thought, that it was ashamed to show itself openly. "Oh, don't let me detain you," I tried to say with biting sarcasm, but I only bit my tongue in saying it. "I shall not," she replied. "When lam ready togo I will let you know. Pray, be seated," and she waved mo to my chair again, taking one of our "our," think of that—big chairs and nestling down in it so cozily that I wanted to throw a book at her. I really wanted to throw myself at her, but I had never dared do that, and this was scarcely an appropriate time to begin. "I presume," I said, "your engage ment is with that Mr. Kilmer and my presence here is an intrusion." Kilmer had been the cause of the trouble the night before, and Kilmer was such a good fellow generally, that I couldn't help but wish that he had died several years beforo with the cholera or some of the other epidem ics which visit our shores and carry away so many excellent people. "Oh, no," she sail, "no intrusion at all. At least, not yet. He was hero this morning and told me ho would not be around again until 4 o'clock." She looked up at the pretty brass clock I had given her. Both its tiny hands were clasping tho figure throe. Three-quarters of an hour, aud a whole lifetime thereafter! "Isn't it enough that you should have killed me," I said, "without be ing so eager to cut me up." "I was merely defending a friend," she retorted. "And you claim Kilmer ag a friend?" "I certainly do. Isn't ho a friend of yours?" "Not at all. If ho were, he would not have interfered with my happiness as he has done." "I beg your pardon," she said. "I didn't know he had." "Didn't I tell you last night ho was a scoundrel, intent ouly upon separat ing us?" I asked hotly. "And didn't I tell you that I would permit no friend of mine to bo called a scoundrel by anyone without resent ing it to tho utmost?" she replied. "Jiilt I did call him that," I in sisted. "Yes, and what good did it do you?" she said, stepping to the mantel and holding out tho empty frarno in which my picture had formerly been tho attraction. "His will take tho placo of the former occupant?" I said, scornfully. "His or another's," she responded, and actually giggled. A giggle from a girl is dreadful enough under any circumstances, but at this time it was positively galliug. ' "Great Scott!" I exclaimed, stag gering to my feet, "am I then a two fyld dupe? Are the returns all in? Have the back counties been heard from, Miss Miltby?" and I buried my face in my hands. I could hear the cl ick of the framo as she set ft back on the mantel and a mild sort of a dull thud as she dropped into the big chair. "Mr. Kilmer is, at loast, enough of a gentleman, scoundrel though you say he is," she said, "not to talk to a lady as you do." "Oh, Ki— l beg your pardon, Miss Miltby," I apologized, "I hope you will forget that I spoke so rudely. In deed, I did not mean it." "I don't see what reason you have for objecting to Mr. Kilmer paying me auy attention he sees fit to pay," she told me for answer. "I have known him for a long time and he is held in tho highest esteem by everyone except you." ' 'But I have known you quite as long as he has," I contended. "Which is hardly a reason for act ing as you are now acting," she said. "Does he love you?" I asked, and I could feel a thousand throbs in my head at once. "I presume nrft," she replied, smil ing. "If he does, he has been too modest to say so." "Do you love him?" "That is my own affair," she an swered, freezingly. I threw my hand quickly to my side, for, as I live, I thought that in stant that my heart would certainly break looso and drop down. I think if I oould have stepped on a scale that moment with it in my bosom, I would have weighed a ton. "It is not altogether yours," I said with a gasp. "No?" and the interrogation point ran up into her eyebrows and arched them sharply like a spear-point, it seemed to me. "No, and I want you to so under stand it." I was growing desperate. "I have some rights which I propose to see are respected and I shall not stand like a post and be dumb as one." "And what rights have you, pray, that I should respeot them?" she asked so sarcastically that it felt as if I had stepped across tho path of a out ting hailstorm. "The right lmvingjmy claim heard beforr i -illlowed and thrown ont of court," I responded, dropping into shop talk without know in* it. "Have you ever presented your claim?" she inquired with judicial dignity. Had I? That was the question. Had ! 1? For years I had known Kitty Milt by. We had grown up from child hood together. We had gone to sohool together. For mcnths I bad loved her. By day she was ever in my thoughts, and by night her spirit tilled my dreams with music. I had given her my heart without the ask ing, but I had never asked for hers. It didn't seem necessary. I thought, of courso she knew I wanted it. Now, I was brought face to face with the facts. Had I ever presented my claim? Well, I had not. At least, not with tho formality wliioh my training as a lawyer demauded that I should. "Oh, Kitty, Kitty," and I almost cried from the reaction. "I love you more than all tho world, and I want you as much as I want the world ; for you are the world to mo. Now, will you say that my claim has not been presented?" It doesn't make any difference what I alio said, or how sho said it or whether | luy arms were on the mautelpip'.e, or ! whero they were; and it is *" ,nody'n j business how much that nr. i Kilmer ! had to do with bringing me to a real i izing sense of my situation, or why ha ! and Kitty smiled when 1 told him it was all right. I think Kilmer is tho best fellow in tho world, and so does K j ,cy, with ono exception. When I ' it tho house Mrs. Miltby met me in i ie hall. "Here's . sovereign remedy for the headache, John," she said, handing mo a bag of herbs, "I've used it for forty years, and it never fails." "Oh, that's all right, moth—Mrs. Miltby," said I; "I guess I'm cured of that kind of headache forever," and if she hadn't stood in the door as I went down tho walk, I'm sure I should have jumped clean over the gate, and acted in a manner utterly unworthy of my dignity as a rising young lawyer. It was fi p. m., and Kitty had not missed her engagement at 4, because by that time it was permanently set tled.—Detroit Free Press. United States ot South Africa. Recently in tho Imperial Institute, London, at a meeting presided over by tho Prince of Wales, Dr. Jamison gave an aocount of the rush of prog ress witnessed in South Africa, and in dicated that all signs tended to the federation of the vario.vs colonies un der the name of the United States of South Africa. In no part of the world is history made so rapidly, Dr. Jami son declared, as inthecountry stretch ing from the Cape of Good Hope to Lake Tangenyika, several thousand milos nortliward. Tho area now un der the control of British colonizing influence equals that of the whole of Europe. Besides gold in large quan tities, coal and iron ore, those primal requisites of civilization, have been found and are under prospect of rapid development. In tho last three years nearly 2000 miles of telegraph lines have been established, and three dif ferent lines of railway, from as many points of the compass, aro opening tip the splendid country. Tho colonies, together with the quasi-independent Transvaal Republic of the Boers, to bo federated, would number some eight or nine members, and tho racial problem, as regards the native Africans, has so far not presented itself. Tho natives have not been vested with tho ballot, nor is it likely that the young confederacy will, for tho next ten or twenty years, troublo itself with tho attempt of considering tho subject.— Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. Education ol Military Hoars. Tho education of military dogs in the German army proceeds as follows: First ho is put through a general course of training, having for its ob ject to teach him prompt obedience to command and signals; then he is taught to run errands with certainty, BO that he may go from the advance patrols back to tho rear divisions and return at the word of command, and that he may keep up communication between stationary divisions and posts; finally he is taught to bo vigilant and make known the approach of any stranger to the post. Training to fit them for search after tho missing is not usually required. It would have a result only in rare cases—oxcept in the use of dogs by sanitary corps, di visions of volunteer nurses, etc., to whom in case of war specially trained dogs will be assigned—but would rather lead the dogs to expose them selves uselessly to danger and get lost. Even this, however, sometimes enters into the course of instruction, when individual dogs show themselves especi ally fitted for it and the teacher pos sesses great aptness in in. 'easing on the dog his duties in this directton. Native Country ot Indian Corn. We believe that both the Japanese and Chinese claims to have known our so-called Indian corn for a thousand years or more, bnt this does not in any way invalidate the story of its American origin. It may have been carried from this country to Japan either by some person or in an aban doned canoe; and, in fact, there are various ways in which an ear or a fow grains of oorn might have reached the Eastern Nations. It was certainly cul tivated here and used for food by the prehistorio races of this country more than one or two thousand years ago, because the oharred and dried grains of Indian corn, beans and pumpkin •eeds are found in many of the ancient ruins of the homes of a people who lived here long before the Indians ap peared, or what we call the "red men" began to roam over the Western plains.—New York Sun. BRAZEN MENDACITf " EXPORT STATISTICS FALSIFIED BY A FRKK TRADK OKU AN. The Claim That There Was a Fall ing Oft In Kxports l.ast Year Re futed by the Figures—A Guin Instead of a Loss. Recent statistics show in a very striking way the disastrous effect of our high tariff on the export trade in American products. Official reports published rocently by the United States Treasury Department show that during 1894 there was n large falling oil In our exports to Germnny of agricultural implements, sowing machines, manufactures of ootton and Hour, and a falling off of more than fifty per cent, in our exports to Ger many of seeds, butter, beef products and hog products.—New York Herald. We do not know whether the failure of tho popular loan ochcmo has so Bonred the stomach of Mr. James Gor don Bennett that ho has cabled to his editors to resort to deliberate false hoods iu the columns of his papers, but the foregoing is the most bare faced and brazen piece of mendacity that wo have evot seen published on the equivocating, shifty, ovasivo and un-American editorial pago of the New York Horald. We take the exports of tho United States, as published by tho Bureau of Statistics of the Troasury Department for 1894 and for 181)3, giving tho values of tho above mentioned articles exported to Germany in each year, as follows: EXPORTS TO GERMANY. i Values. * Articles. 1804. 1893. Agricultural imple ments $536,443 $379,437 Sowing machines.. . 228,120 378,198 Cotton manufac turers 177,687 126,863 Flour 875,852 1.477,130 Seeds 908,330 1,309,400 Uutter 108,841 7,730 Beef products: Canned beef.. . 486,860 559,935 Salt orpick'.cm. . 505.897 320,940 Hog products: Bacon 1,054,867 484,692 Hams 180,270 79.182 Fresh and pickled pork.. . 197,55 a 70,937 Lard . 8,707,398 6,112,063 Totals. . ..$13,968,123 $11,306,807 The foregoing is a list of tho articlos, mentioned by tho Herald, that shows "a large falling of! iu our oxports to Germany." Tho values are taken from a report by Mr. Wortliington C. Ford, Chief of tho Buroau of Statistics of tho Treasury Department. The "largo falling off" of tho Herald's im agination is an actual increase of $2,- 03,000,000 pounds moro raw cotton than sho did in 1893. In flour tho "large falling off" was sGl)l,- 278 because Germany bought more wheat from Argentina aud made her own flour under her policy of protec tion to her home industries. In our exports of seeds to Germany the "falling off of more than 50 per cent." was less than 50 per cent., but tho Herald forgets to stato that tho protection on seeds was reduced 50 per cent., so that wo sold less when the markets of the world were open to us, and the samo was the case with flour. But look at tho "falling off of more than 50 per cent." in our exports of butter to Germany, which woro only $7730 in 1893, and increaso to $108,841 in 1894, a gain of nearly 1400 per cent. Then again, tho "falling off of more than 50 per cent." in our exports of beof products resolves itself into an increase of $111,882, our shipments of canned beef being lighter, but of srlt or pickled beof $185,000 more than in 1893, leaving the net gain in our beef export trade at $111,882, as above stated. Still farther the "falling off of more than 50 per cent." in Germany's pur chases of American hog products ie represented by an inorease of $3,892,- 913, which was exactly a gain of 50 per cent, iu this branch of our trade, every article of bacon, hams, fresh and pickled pork and lard being iu greater demand than in 1893. As tho Herald was correct in noting '" . y CUCKOO" Terms—tl.oo in Advance ; 81.25 after Three Months. smvller exports of sewing machines and flour to Germany last year, the writer of the article cannot bo excused on the ground of an ignorance of ad dition and subtraction. Wo must as sume, therefore, though we do so with regret, that tho article was a cheat, pure and simple, tho deliberate con coction, as they siiy in Paris, d'un monteur a triple etago. It is worthy of the attention of Mr. Jutues Gordon Bennett. Democratic Papers Complain. "Indexes of prosperity. The re turn of good times shown by the news papers. Circulation up, more adver tising. " The foregoing is a copy of some headlines in the New York Times of February 22. As they did not appear on the editorial page there might be some semblanoo of truth in tho news that they convey. If so we aro heartily glad to know it. The newspapers can not bo as prosperous whilo tho free trade ruin and wreckage policy is in effect as they were under protection. Even tho Now York Herald had to complain that every private industry was being injured by tho party it helped to place in control of our Na tional Administration. With the res toration of protection the Democratic newspapers everywhere will return to prosperity. Measured by the Wnsro Scale. •.ig November IMoqes ' "Dun's Review" I \ lj& poo; I \ \ SWT: ?Vi Wilson a Dead Letter. The appointment of Professor Wil son to the office of Postmaster-Gen eral was, without any exception, by far the wisest official action that Pres ident Cleveland has ever performed. The tool that the President used in wrecking American industries and ruining American labor has now been laid aside upon u shelf where it will bo harmless. The master mechanic in the art of destruction will never find another tool so ready, so willing or so well molded to the shape of his hands, nor will ho ever again have tho occa sion to use one. Wilson is now a dead letter in his own department. What Free Trade Does, Hard on Hop Growers. Tho reduction in the duty on hops resulted iu our importing over 500,000 pounds moro hops last year than in 1893, and in our exporting 2,700,000 pounds less to those foreign markets of the world that were supposed to be waiting for them, England iu partic ular being specially desirous to avoid buyiug them, as sho took 2,80'J,0J0 pounds less than in 1893 The Great Li-eck- -s. Mr. Cleveland's party has done all it could to wreck the industrial sys tem of the country. Why should tho people expeot it to do less for their financial system ? NO. 27. THE MERRY SIDE OF LIFE. STORIES THAT ABE TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN OF THE PBESS. Too Quiet —Xo OH to i rouble—Part of the Player's Uniform—Liocatlux the Hullet—Warned In Time, Kte. A strange wan nod with curious eyea A store that did not advertise, AH ho was passing by it; Invitod ill, ho .shook his hond; "I thought it wag to let," ho said, "It looked so very quiet." —Printers' Ink. NO OIL TO TROUBLE. Mrs. Banks—"How do you manage to keep your cook?" Mrs. Brooks—"We keep the kero sene can bid."—Life. HIS SHAPE. Mrs. O'Hoolihan—"An' is yure oold mon a square policemon?" Mrs. Gilhooly—"No, ho do bo a roundsmen."—Syracuse Post. TART OP THE PLAYER'S UNIFOKM. Trivyet—"lt's a hair-raising busi ness !" Dicer—"What is?" Trivvet—"Football."—Detroit Free Press. WARNED IN TIME. Junior—"So you didn't propose to her, after all?" Weed—"No; and I'm not going to. When I got to her house I found her chasing a mouso with a broom."— Puck. LOCATING THE BULLET. "And you say your father was wounded in the war?" "Bad, sir." "Was lie shot in the ranks?" "No, sir; in the stummick!"—At lanta Constitution. WHERE BREVITY IS A BLESSING. Tho Professional Lecturer—"lsn't it funny? They frequently pay mo as much for a short lecture as for a long one." Ilis Friend—"l should think they'd pay you more."—Chicago Record. AT THE TEA. He (breathlessly) —"I can't get you any tea this minute, Ethel. It seems to have run out." She—"Never mind. Hand mo that empty cup and siucer from the man tle. It'll do just as well."—Yalo Record. A CHIEF AMONG MEN. Hungry Huwkins—"An" what did der doctor down to der hospittle say was do matter wid yer?" Weary Raggles—"He said me liver wouldn't work." Hungry Hawkins (admiringly) "Shake, old man, shake! Yer one of us down to tho de werry core, ain't yer?"—Puck. A FAMILY JAR. At last she had rebelled—mildly. "They tell me you lead a double life," she said, looking straight into the eyes of tho confused man beforo her. "Me?" lie gasped. "Yes, you. I heat that when you are away from home you are as pleas ant and good natured a man as can he found anywhere."—lndianapolis Jour nal. AN ALIBI. "What time of night was it you saw tho prisoner in your room?" asked the defendant's attornoy in a recent suit. "About 3 o'clock." "Was there any light in the room at the time?" "No, sir. It was qnite dark." "Could you see your husband at your side?" "No, sir." "Then, madam," said the attorney triumphantly, "please explain how you could see the prisoner and could not see your husband." "My husband was at the club, sir." —Philadelphia Call. A MAN'S PERVERSITY. "Did you mail that letter I gave you?" asked Mrs. Junius, Her husband hesitated. "Well, there," Mrs. Junius cried, raising her hands and eyes in the air, "I always have thought that those ar ticles iu the papers about husbands not mailing letters for their wives were just got up for jokes and were put iu the papers every year because all the jokes for that year had been used once aud they had to begin all over again but I do declare that here is the very tirst letter I havo written to uia Biuco wo were married I mean of course since you and I were mar ried and not ma which would be ab sorb and it' you haven't gone and car lied it around iu your pocket all the week and I suppose worn it iuto shreds if not lost it altogether and ma won dering aud wondering what has be come of us and why I don't write or at least send her a postal card which I suppose really we ought to do part of the time and to save postage for we have got to economize in starting out else when we grow old and come to die we won't have a cent to live on aud now you horrid mau I suppose I'll have to forgive you bnt hand me back that letter instantly." As Mrs. Junius with a lueky slide reached second and the umpire pro nounced her safe, Mr. Junius passed out a letter. "Why, that's not mine," exclaimed his wife. "No," returned Mr. Junius, "it's from your mother. I mailed yours the day you gave it to me." And noticing that his wife was about to make a dash for third he went out in the shed after the kindlings, wink ing to himself softly as he did BO.— Rockland Tribune.