SULLIVAN JHLH KEPUBLICAN. W. M. CHENEY. Publisher. VOL. XIII. Russia now line, according to tho be6t estimates, a population of 125,- o°°,ooo. "Beaver" is a very popular name in Pennsylvania, twenty-one towns hav ing it in their names. London journuls refer to the fact that tho number of unemployed clergymen at present is "distressingly Tho 400 would be nowhere in Bussia, exclaims tho New York Tress. Tho members of tho Bnssian nobility foot up 050,000 persons. Topeka, Kan., is advocating tho an nexation of tho towns of PotwiD, Wooiles Mills and Snark, to form u Greater Topeka. Tho Bural New Yorker is astonished because New Zealand ships more but ter to tho English market than either Canada or tho United States. Now York City has six good tene ments, for which all rent over enough to allow four per cent, dividend it held in trust for tho tenants. Others arc being built. Despite all the criticism of the pres ent athletic craze, it remains a fact, maintains the New York Mail and Express, that tho girl of today is taller, stronger, trimmer and more robust than tho girl of ten years ago. Missouri, it is said, will have tho youngest member of tho Fifty-fourth Congress. Norman A. Mozley, who defeated Arnold in tho Fourteenth District, is not yet twenty-eight years old. Ho is a self-made lawyer of Dex ter. Printer's Ink contains this admoni tion : If at tho foot Aud want to rise— Advertise! If top of heap You would keep— Advertise! Whore'r on oartli Your dwelling piaca, If you would wiu Success' rue.'— Advertise. The only time when American troops wero ever sent beyond this continent was in 1740, when the Brit ish sent an expedition to attack the coast cities of Venezuela. In that ex pedition thero were 400 soldiers from North Carolina, but at tho present ! day it is impossible to ascertain any of their names. This shows how easily our history may be blotted out by neglect. W. B. Lerser, Indian agent for the Sncs and Foxes at Tocoma, lowa, where there are 392 Indians, makes a rother pessimistic report of tho condi tions and advancement of the Indiuus. There arc but thirty-five houses, tho Indians living mostly in topees. Most of tho Indians cling to tho blanket, instead of civilized dress. Ho expect ed to make a report of agricultural progress, but was doomed to disap pointment. There has been no prog ress in schools. Thero are threo things that attract tho notice of a traveler from tho States when he has got into Canada, bo to say nothing of the general dull ness that pervades that province. One, enumerates the Chicago Herald, is the disappearance of window blinds and bareness of the house fronts. Tho other is the presence of militiamen find policemen, who aro as nearly copies as may be of the English militia and London "bobkies. " The third is tho impossibility of getting your shoes blacked, except in the wash rooms of the hotels. One pays ten cents for a shave, and a New York ar tist who did his work so shabbily would be made to do it over again. Tho New York Sun observes: It is not surprising that parties of Nor wegian immigrants have left Minne sota to settle in British Columbia. They can get farms for nothing there upon condition that they improve tho land; and that is something not to bo got in the United States in our time. Nearly all tho Norwegians who como to this country want to tako up farms, but wo cannot give away these nice presents upon such easy terms as in other times. Thero are yet, howevor, Southwestern States in which they can buy land cheaply, and we direct their attention to that part of our broad country, which has a richer soil, a better climate, a higher productive power and moro accessible markets than any of tho Canadian provinces. Wo say frankly that those of them who settle in Canada will constitute a very desirable accession to its popula tion, even though they may be (Uncon tented under foreign rule und a Euro pean flag. A SONG OF TRIUMPH. To-(lay, I sing a victor strain, A hymn of praise, A canticle of joyous sound I upward raise. From boughs that thickly overhang The battle-Held, I pluck fair laurel loaves with which To deck my shield. My spear and holmet, 100, I twine With leovcs of b:iy In token of my victory In furious fray. Yet no man's blood bcstains my mail, And what is best, No ghastly fac.-*, nor dying moan, Disturbs my rest. To-day, between Heaven's holy hill And Hell's dark pit, 1 met a Sin that me, And conquered it! -Clarence Urmy, In Youth's Companion, SUSAN ANN'S METHOD. BY W. J. LAMPTON. C7 f¥ HEN Susan Ann A f, \jt & Bilton married Jo r n m Nellums (■» 112/ ~' r slic thought she feiMfeyv was doing: big 112 things, for Joram raL was very fore mlvT • handed, and there pn\wasn't a thriftier farmer in all Squan Neck neighborhood than he was. Of course, people said Joram Nellums was so close that a dollar couldn't be dragged out of his pocket with a team of cattle ; but Susan Ann said that was because they hadn't so much as he had and didn't know how to accumulate. As far as Susan Ann was concerned, sho was an old maid who took in sew ing and mado enough by it to dress herself well and live in tL'e only hotel in the town of Squan Neck. It wasn't much of a hotel, as hotels go these days, but it sheltered Miss Bilton very comfortably, and being an in dependent woman who liked to havo her own way coming and going, sho found it eminently satisfactory. It cost her possibly as much as $2 a month more to live there than if she had gone to Sirs. Wiggius's board ing-houso, but Stiean Ann was not closo when it came to lior own com iort and convenience. It was a great lilt to her, no doubt, when sho married Joram Nellums, for now she was to bo mistress of her own house and the finest farm in tho country. Many a younger woman than sho would have been glad to havo become Mrs. Nellums, and it cannot be de nied that on the first Sunday thot the new Mrs. Nelluins walked down the aislo of tho church she carried her head a few notches higher than the meek and lowly doctrines taught in tho edifice every Sunday really re quired of her. That was tho woman in her, however, and it may bo ex cused under the circumstances. It was a great thing to be Mrs. Joram Nellums, and Susan Ann Bilton was not tho only woman in Squan Neck who thought so, although Susan Ann was tho only woman who kuew what it was from actual experience. The happy couple went away on a bridal tour to be gone two weeks, and it was a sore disappointment to Susan Ann when Joram cut it just half in two, giving as an excuse that the busi ness of tho farm had very unexpect edly called him back. Like an obe dient wife sho accepted his explana tions and his promises that they would goto the city as soon as tho crops wero laid by, and they would stay thero as long as she cared to stay. For a month after their return, Susan Ann laid great store by her ex alted position in Squan Neck Bociety, but somehow there was an ever present lack of opportunity to use it to ex cess. Joram was busy, or Joram was tired, or Joram had something else that prevented, or forty dozen other obstacles with Joram back of them in terfered with her plans. Thus a year ran on, and by that, time Susan Ann was doing kitchenwork and house work and thero was some indication that she would be doing tho washing next, with a fair prospect that tailor ing for Joram and one or two of the farmhands would bo added to her other duties. Occasionally Joramhad some thing to say about economy, but he never accused hor of extravagance. "You ain't very savin', Susan Ann," ho said to her one day, "but I'm willin' to agree that you ain't a great spender." About this time tho fact began to dawn upon her gradually that there was a difference in the manner of Mrs. Nellums's every-day life and that of Miss Susan Ann Bilton. Sho would wonder sometimes if making dresses and getting paid for them, with the privilege of spending her earnings as she pleased, was not in some particu lars almost as satisfying as doing two women's work for Joram Nellums with out pay. • At tho end of two years'] she dis covered that tho wedding clothes that she had provided herself with had come to the ragged edge, and a new dress at least, and bonnet were abso lutely necessary. So when Joram sat down to breakfast ono morning in a good humor, for the breakfast was a good one, done entirely by herself, she "told him that sho wanted some thing to wear, and gave him a little memorandum of what was needed. "Jerroo'hy, Susan Ann," he ex claimed, "I can't stand this. I've always said you wasn't much on savin', but this is upsettin' everything. Why, what you've got down hero will cost at much as thirty-ono dollars and seventy-five cents. - ' "What if it does, Joram," she re plied amiably, "haven't I worked for it? You haven't bought me anything binee we got mairied." "Aud I ain't bought myself any LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JANUARY 4, 1895. thing, havo I?" ho asked after the manner of the kind of man he was. When breakfast was over Susan Ann was not much nearer the desired goal than before, and sho was in a bad humor besides, with an addition in tho shape >f a disappointment in Jor am sho had been trying for a long time to stave off. At the end of a week he gava her $lO and told her that he could not spare another cent. "You must remember, Susan Ann." he said, "that I ain't a millionaire. And even if I was, I wouldn't en courage extravagance in a woman. It's born in 'em anyway, and if they git half a chance 'with money they never know when to stop letting it go." Three months after this lecture from Joram, she got another when tho ne cessities of the caso drove her to him to get a pair of shoes. Then Susan Ann sat down to think over the situation, and it is eafo to say that she did some very tall thinking. Somo women might have wept, but Susan Ann was no weeper. If she had tears to shed, sho did not intend to shed them in a cause of this kind. Something harder than tears was the remedy, and Susan Ann was not long in getting at it. That night at supper Joram didn't like tho coffee. It was more like beans, he said, but Susan Ann hadn't much to say, and Joram thought she was sullen because 'ho had talked judiciously to her on tho subject of extravagance. The bad coffee continued a week and then Joram noticed that tho meat was not as good nor was tho bread, as it had onco been. He complained, but Susan Ann hadn't much to say. On the following Sunday when they started out to church Joram thought Susan Ann wa3 a sight to behold, but ho didn't say anything for fear sho might como back at him about the dress and the shoes. It was tho first timo sinco they had been married that Joram had not felt a prido in tho appearance of Mrs. Nellums and it mado him think just a littlo. On tho way homo ho spoko of it and suggested that as ho had mado a little something on wheat tho week before, maybo he could let her have that money for a now dress. "Indeed, no, Joram," sho replied, "I don't want it. I only thought I did. I can get along just as well with what I havo at present and wo can save that. Every littlo counts, you know, Joram, and we are too poor to goto needless expense." He insisted mildly that 6ho should tako the money, but it was not diffi cult for hor to convinco him that it was extravagant, and he said no more about it. The dark bread and tho weak coffoo and the bad meat continued, and there were added other things less attrac tive to tho palate than formerly, and one day when he wanted to know why she did not use tho meat in the smoke house that ho knew was as good as any that had ever been cured, and he prided himself on curing meat, she surprised him by putting quite a sum of money down by his plate and tell ing him she had sold it for a good price because she thought it was more economical to eat less expeusive meat. Joram began to talk, but she was so pleasant and practical in her argu ments that he hadn't tho heart to argue and gave up to her. He also put the money in his poc ket. One day when ho went into town on his wagon some boys made rude re marks about the clothes he wore, and when ho told Susan Ann about it, and said maybo ho had ought get some thing better, sho flew all to pieces and gave the naughty boys such a raking over that Joram was sorry ho had said anything about it, and went on wear ing the same old clothes. A dozen or moro times during tho winter Joram sat shivering beforo a miserable fire because Susan Ann in sisted that fuel was too expensive and that they must save until they had plenty to indulge in luxuries on. Day by day tho table became poorer and pooer; tho good china was put away and the old cracked kind brought out; the little silver things that had been given them for wedding pres ents wero locked up, and Susan Ann was cutting down expenses in a way that nobody would havo expected of her. Several nights Joram almost froze for lack of cover, but Susan Ann was cheerful and told him that newspa pers were warmer than blankets if ho would only mako up his mind to think so. He kicked, however, on this and was only pacified when she gave him S2O that sho had received for the fruit she had put up and didn't care to use. He thought it was extra stock that she had, but later ,vhon he wanted somo and she told him she had sold it all, and thero wasn't anything for des sert now but dried apples, Joram be came rather demonstrative, and it was all her good temper could do to keep him from boiling over. All this time Joram was doing some thinking as well as Susan Ann was, and between shivoring at nights and half starving during the day, ho was getting in a condition togo to a luna tic asylum. Ono day tho final crash arrived. When Joram came in from work tho big easy chair he had paid $25 for in a freak of extravagance just before heAvus married was gone, and with it all the carpets. "What does this mean, Susan Ann?" he asked, trying to appear cool. "Aro yon housecleaning?" "Why, Joram," laughed Susan Ann, "how you talk. You know this ain't housecleaning time." "Well, whore's tho chair and car pets, thou ?" "Here they are, Joram," and she gave him 81U0. "Besides tho money I got a cheaper cliau aud cheap car- pets in their place, and they'll bo hero in the morning. Now goon and wash your face and hands; supper's ready." Joram obeyed and went to supper; and it was tho meanest supper ho ever sat down to. That evening he shiv ered before the fire of slack and rub bish and that night ho had too littlo cover, but ho could hear tho money jingling in his pooket3. At breakfast he appeared looking as blue as an ague patient and shaking like two. "Susan Ann," he said, "I'm going to town this morning. You haven't sold tho horse and buggy yet, havo you?" "No, Joram," she answered, "but there's a man coming to look at it to day. We don't need it, and it costs a mint of money to keep a carriage any how." "What time's the man coming, Susan Ann?" ho asked submissively. "He said he'd be hero at 10 o'clock." Joram Nellums gulped as if some thing were choking him, and he looked at Susan Ann. "Susan Ann,"hesaid slowly, "here's a cheok for SIOOO and you can toll the man that's coming togo to grass. I'm going to take yoti to town in tho buggy and wo aro going to buy every thing we want and have a nice time, and when wo come back, I'm going to make you cashier of the business and you can do as you please. Economy's all right, Susan Ann, but there's a limit to it that somohow I never seo before until you showed it to me." Then it was that Susan Ann broke down and cried, because she thought tho occasion appropriate, and the tears that fell from her face fell upon tho face of the check in her hand, but Joram actually laughed and kicked up his heels like a boy.—Detroit Freo Press. How Scissors Aro Made. Though no complexities are involved in tho making of scissors or much skill required, yet tho process of manufacturo is very interesting. They aro forged from good bar steel heated to redness, each blado being cut off with sufficient metal to form tho shank, or that destined to become tho cutting part, and bow, or that which later on is fastened into tho holding portion. For tho bow a small hole is punched, and that is afterward expanded to tliorequirod size by ham mering it on a conical anvil, after which both shank and bow are filed in a moro perfect shape and tho holo bored in tho middle for the rivet. The blades aro next ground, and tho handles filed smooth and burnished with oil aud emery, after which the pairs are fitted together and tested as to their easy working. , They are not yet finished, however. They have to undergo hardening and tempering and bo again adjusted, after which they aro finally put together again and polished for the third timo. In comparing tho edges of knives and scissors it will bo noticed, of course, that tho lattor are not in auy way so sharply ground as tho former, and that in cutting, scissors crush and bruise more than knives.—San Fran cisco Chronicle. Chlnnmeu Buying Guns. A uniquo sight at tho present time is tho number of Chinamen who can bo seen in tho various gun Etores purchasing firearms. In ono etoro on Broadway, New York City, could havo been seen tho other day a dozon Mon golians, each carefully examining a rifle, and in their way expressing themselves as to tho peculiar merits of tho arm in question. As a rule, they were solicitous as to tho mechan ism devoted to breech-loading, but once in a while an enthusiast would raise tho rillo to his shoulder and in his imagination think of tho result. Dealers say that considerable quanti ties of small arms, as well as rifles, havo been bought ostensibly for the purpose of shiping to China. Gen erally tho assemblage of these China men attracts a crowd of Caucasians on the sidewalk, who look with wonder ing or philosophical eyes, according to tho temperament of each individual, upon tho curious picture displayed before them.—Hardware. Ah Shiug's Little Trick, "An amusing thing occurred whilo I was at Yokohama," says a recently returned traveler. ' 'An official notice of tho Government had been pub lished in tho Japanese newspaper? saying that all Chineso who wished to depart must do so by a certain date, or else remain until the war was over. Thereupon, Ah Shing, a big clothing dealer of 16 Water street, called all the Chinese together and they all agreed to go. They got their goods to the dock, and finally aboard the steamer, with themselves, and the steamer pulled out. At tho last mo ment it was found that tho woalthy merchant had held his goods and slipped back to the city. Ho at once resumed business, having got rid of all opposing merchants, and is now rolling in riches, becauso of the great business ho is doing."—Detroit Free Press. Strongest Man in Kentucky. Tom McMunogal, of Brandenburg, Ky., was said to be the strongest mat in Kentucky. It was an easy job foi Tom to lift a barrel to his mouth and drink out of tho bung hole. Tom wai a married man, and afterward movec to Harrison County, Indiana, living across tho river about three milet from Brandenburg. Tho first in creaso in his family was twins, tht next timo it was triplets and then hii wife presented him with eight boys, four at a birth. Theso oight boys ali grew up to bo men, and the smallest of them weighed 165 pounds. One ol the first quartet, Mr. McMunegal, now lives in Brandenburg, and is • well known citizen of that county.- Atlanta Coustitutiou 19 A FIRE ENGINE HOUSE, INGENIOUS DEVICES WHICH SAVE TISCE WHEN FLAMES THREATEN. Only a Few Seconds Needed After the Alarm is Sounded—Knowing; Horses—The Firemen's Quarters. ~7T VISIT to an engine bouse is / \ full of interest to every ob /*f\ server, nnd his interest ijT swells to enthusiasm as he sees on every side the appliances which en able the firemen to respond instantly to an alarm and begin at once their beneficent labors. Attention is first attracted to the harness suspended from tho ceiling and hanging just over where the horses are hitched on each side of the tongue or polo of the en gine and hose carriage. This harness is light and simple, yet very strong and supplied with every means for immediately fastening it upon the horses. The collar is not put on the animal's neck by a eerie of tugs and twists, but, hinged at tho to;->, it fastens at tho throat with a stroug spring catch, just as tho bracelets, which were so extensively worn by the ladies a few years ago, were clasped around tho wrist. The bridle Is always worn, and, ex cept when feeding, tho bit is kept constantly in the animal's mouth ; tho traces are never unhooked from the whifiletrees, and there are 110 breeclion straps to be fastened ; consequently, tho process of harnossiug is an ex tremely simplo one. It is only neces sary to let tho harness fall upon tho horses'backs, snap the collar together, clasp the lines to the bridle and hook the belly strap. Whenever two parts of harness have to be fastened to gether the use of the time-delaying buckle is carefully avoided, snap hooks and spring clasps being substi t' ted to effect the saving of even a few 3onds. The harness is suspended mi tho ceiling by ropes >• id weights, i och the same as wind/ : aro hung in houses. When the o un locked aud opened. Not, however, by tho slow process of unbolting each door and swinging it wide separately. A more instantaneous method is adopted. As the driver on his box lets the harness fall upon the horses by tho simple act of lifting the reins, bo also he has at hand easy means for throwing open tho heavy entrance doors. Just beside his seat, to tho right, depending from tho ceiling, is a rope, ono pull of which unbolts the doors and releases the heavy weights hung iu the wall, which are attached to them, so that tho doors swing apart as if of their own volition. The second floor is the home of the men. The front room is the sleeping apartment, where single iron bed steads are placed in raws alonsido of the side walls, leaving a wide aisle in the centre. Near the front and rear of this room two brass poles project from tho engine room below, and a hole is cut in the floor of sufficient size to allow plenty of room for a man to slielo down one of them to the first floor, for if auy of the men are in tho upper room they cannot spore time to run down by the stairs at the sounding of tho alarm, but adopt the seoonds ■sving method of vertical descent. Ordinarily tho opening through the floor around each of tho poles is closed by two semi-circular doors bolted to the ceiling of the apparatus room, but the same device whioh loosens the halter ropes and pulls tho pins out of tho hasps o:' the stall doors also releases tho fastenings of these coverings and they fall open of their own weight. Many of tho engine houses are fitted up v/ith a gymna sium, library aud reading rooms, the furnishings of which aro presented by appreciative citizens as testimonials of their interest in tho welfare of the bravo men who are over ready to face danger and even risk their lives to protect persons and property in peril. The rooms as well as everything else around are models of neatness good order must and-does prevail in un engine house. There is a place for everything, and every thing can always bo found in its ucoustomed place.— Washington Star. The New York Advertiser says: "Thero is a horrible rumor that the word 'obey' is to be putin the man's part of the marriage ceremony. Tho womau must really not go too far. The men are hard to land as it is." Terms—tl.oo in Advance ; 81.25 after Three Months. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. No bird of prey has the gift of song. It is estimated that the crow will de stroy 700,000 insects every year. Aetronomers claim that there are over 7,500,000 comets in the solar sys tem alone. South American agriculturists are experimenting with an electric drying machine for wheat. Mosquitoes inject a poison into tho wounds they inflict in order to make the blood thin enough to flow through their throatF. It is said that the flesh on the fore quarters of the beaver rosembles that of land animals, while that on the hindqu. -ters has a fishy taste. A ne\ -bage crematory has just been sncceudiully tested in Chicago in the presence of somo New York ex perts and the Mayor of Chicago. Cast iron blocks aro being tried in somo of the most frequented streets of Paris, instead of the granite blocks usually placed alongside tramway rail". Voluntary muscles are almost al ways rod; involuntary muscles aro generally white, tho most notable ex seption in tho latter caso being tho heart. Professor Weinek, of tho Imperial Observatory at Prague, devoted 225 hours to his drawing of tho lunar crater Copernicus. It is from a nega tive made at tho Lick Observatory, California. Hiram Maxim, tho flying machino man, says he will not consider his in vention complete until he can have it under perfect control at a point so high that it can neither bo seen nor heard by gunners underneath. Cellar moulls on apples—often un noticeable— consists of more or less poisonous fungi. Physicians say they have tractyl cases of diphtheria to tho eating of it. AH fruits and vegetables should be carefully cleaned, or peeled, at least, if to be eaten raw. Flammarion, tho French astrono mer, remarks that our planet, if it wero as near to tho sun as it is to the moon, would melt like wax under tho heat from tho solar surface, which is composed of "a stratum of luminous dust that floats upon uu ocean of very denso gas." A butterfly, which was found in a dormant state under a rock in tho mountains of California, and which is believed to havo lived thousands of years, or since tho close of one of the later geographioal periods, is now in tho Smithsonian Institution. When found it was bobVytr- 1 to be tho only living representative of its species in existence. It has been decided to use petro leum as locomotive fuel on tho Baltio Railroad, which is significant, be cause this lino is almost the most ' l; "- tant of any in Bussia from tho on wells. Great reservoirs are to bo built in St. Petersburg and Royal and three other stations, which will hold in the aggregate about 5,000,000 gallons. Dr. Foehner, of Berlin, has exam ined some 70,000 sick domestic ani mals in tho past seven years, and of this number only 281 suffered from tuberculosis. The parrots wero re latively the most irequently a fleeted, twenty-five per cent, of thoso coming under his care being tuberculous. Of tho cats, only one per cent, showed symptoms of tho disease. A Horse's Sense ot Locality. About tho year 1856, says tho Lewis ton Journal, a little colt was born on a farm in Aroostook County, in tho State of Maine, a colt that was soon sold away from the place, to come shortly after into the possession of a physician in tho town of Houlton, who at tho opening of the Civil; War went "to the front," taking with him for cavalry service tho colt, that had now reached maturity. Through all the vicissitudes of a five years' campaign this horse followed the fortunes of his master, being wrecked on the Red River expedition and suffering various other disasters, to return at the close of tho war to the State of Maine, across which he carried his master horseback until the town of Houlton was again reached. On the journey through Aroostook County the road traversed lay past the farm where some ten years before this horso was born. Neither his life between tho shafts of a doctor's gig nor five years of war campaigning had caused him to lose his bearings, and when he reached the lane that led up to the old farm house ho turned up to the house as confidently as though he had been driven away from it but a half hour before. Disinlectlug a Room. A writer in tho Medical Magazine who has witnessed tho Berlin method of disinfecting a room describes the cleansing of an apartment in whioh a child had died of diphtheria: "Four men were engaged. After everything that oould be subjected to steam with out detriment had been removed to the disinfecting station, all the things were removed from tho walls, and the men began rubbing these with bread. Ordinary German loaves aro used, forty-eight hours old. The loaves are out into substantial ohunks about six inches square, tho back of each piece consisting of the crust, thus allowing of a good purchase. The walls aro systematically attacked with strokes from above downward, and there can be do question as to its efficacy in cleaning them, nor does tho operation take as long as one would imagine. The crumps are swept up and burned. After this the walls are thoroughly sprinkled with a five per cent, earbolio ho id solution. The floor is washed with a two per cent, carbolic ac:d solution, and all the polished wood work and ornaments as well." NO. 13. A'j HI3 MOTHER USED TO DO. lie crltlclzo-l her puidlngs, nnd ho found fault with her cake ; flo wishe 1 she'd rmko such biscuit as his mother used to make ; She didn't wash tho dishes and she didn't make a stew, Nor ev?n mend his stockings, ns his mother used to do. His mother had six chlldron, but by night her work was done ; His wife seemed drudging always, yet sho only had tho one. His mother always was well drcseod, his wife would be so too, If only sho would manage ns his mother used to do. Ah, well! Sho was not perfect, though sho tried to do hor best. Until nt length sho thought her timo had come to have a rest j Bo when ono day ho went tho samo old rig marole all through, She iurued and tosoi his ears, just as his mother used to do. —Bohoboth Sunday Herald. HUMOII OF THE DAY. A blanket mortgage furnishes but a poor house-warming.—Puck. Alice—"Beauty is but skin deep." Maud (spitefully)—" Who told you?" —Puck. Tho man that rifles your pockets should be shot-gunned. —Dansvillo (N. Y.) Breeze. A mpn may be beside himself, and yet have no idea how ridiculous ho looks.—Puck. The man next door always has ono advantage over me. That's in his neighbors. —Pack. "The Missing Link"—Tho one the dog stole in the bologna sausago fac tory. —Dansvillo (N Y.) Breeze. Tho virtues made of necessity al ways appear as if tho material couldn't have been very abundant.—Puck. We all believo in letting well enough alone; but we mako mistakes as to tho right time to do it.—Puck. "Is Miss Elder's hair artificial?" "Oh, no ; it is hnmau hair." "I mean it is her own?" "Certainly ; sho bought it."—Pittsburg Chronicle-Telegraph. And now the busy office man Will llnd one duly more ; Whene'er'tis cold he'll have to yell. "Come biok and closa tho door!" —Chicago Inter-Oci*an. Mrs. Placid—"Where were you last night?" Mr. P. —"At a stag party, my dear." "I thought so when I heard you staggering upstairs."—Philadel phia Record. Friend— "Aro you superstitious? Do you believo in signs?" Successful Merchant 4 "No; newspaper adver tisements d better, and cheaper."— Printers' ij A man may think ho adores a wo man. But his love is put to a terri ule strain when sho asks him to but ton her shoes with a hairpin.—New York Herald. Tailor —"I hear that you havo paid my rival, while you owe me for two suits." Student—"Who dares to ac cuse me of such a preposterous thing?" —Fliegende Blaetter. "Does ycur wife wear a high hat when she goes to the play?" "I should say she does," replied the man who always looks weary. "It costjno $27." —Washington Star. Figg —"YO3, I allow that her sing ing is something terrible; but I guess we shall live through it." Fogg "That is tho mostterriblo thing about it." —Boston Transcript. Trivvet—"You knew Charlie Dum mit, didn't you?" Dicer —"Ho went W T est and was lynched." Trivvet— "ls that really so? Well, Dummit al ways was high strung."—Harlem Life. One little girl in tho slums—"Wot yer 6ay sho died of?" The other one —"Eating a tuppeny ice on the top of 'of pudden.' " The iirst mentioned— "Lor! what a jolly death."—Tid- Bits. Tough—"Havo you got pull enough in Washington to git a patent fer me?" Patent Lawyer—"What is your invention?" Tough— "It's a pneu matic tiro fer perlice clubs. "—Good News. McSwatters —"Is Clanghorn a fin ished author?" McSwatters—"Yes, you see, he called 01 Woolly, of tho Howler, and called him a liar ; and— well, you know Woolly."—Syracuse Post. Old Friend —"Seems to mo yon aro paying your cook pretty stiff wages." Jimson—"Havo to; if I don't she'll leave, and then my wife will havo to do tho cooking herself."—New York Weekly. Clerk —"Here's some of tho fresh cracked wheat. Would you like a package of it?" Mrs. Newcash— "Youug man, when I want damaged goods I'll let you know."—Chicago Inter-Ocean. Mrs. Workaday—"Ob, I do so liko to see a good, strong, determined man." Mr. Workaday (straightening) —"So do I, my dear." Mra. W.— "John, the coal hod is empty."—Bos ton Courier. "You aro charged with having votod five times in one day," said tho Judge, sternly. "I am charged, am I?" repeated the prisoner. "That's mighty odd. I expected to bo paid for it."—New York Sun. Miss De Fashion (a few years henoe) —"You aro wanted at the telephone." Mrs. De Fashion—"Oh,, dear ! I pre sume it's Mrs. De Style, to return my telophone call. I hope sho won't talk long."—New York Weekly. He (pleadingly)—" Why can't we bo married right away ?" She (coyly) •'Oh, I can't bear to leave father alone just yet." Ho (earnestly) "Bnt» my darling, he has ha 1 you such a long, long time." She (freez ingly) "Sir 1"—Brooklyn Life.