SULLIVAN JSSilfe REPUBLICAN. W. M. C HENEY, Publisher. VOL. XII. Ohio possesses more colleges than any other State. The United States is the only conn try spending more for education than for war equipments. A stonelcss peach has been culti vated in California. It has an insipid flavor, and is of no value except as a curiosity. The Anglo-Saxon raco is in posses sion of one-third portion of tho earth and rules over 400,000,000 of its in habitants. Ex-President Orton, of the Western Union Telegraph Company, declared that the English language was twenty five per cent, cheaper for telegraphic purposes than any other. By order of the postal authorities the final "h" in tho spelling of towns and cities ending with "burgh," has been dropped in official communica tions. . The general public ceased us ing "h" at the end of Pittsburg and Harrisburg twenty years ago. The popularity of novels is proba bly nowhere so great, declares the New York Tribue, as in Australia. It is said that ninety per cent, of the fe male and seventy-five per cent, of the male frequenters of the public libra ries read novels almost exclusively. R. Lahann, a Danish resident of Monmouth, 111., took out naturaliza tion papers twenty-six years ago. A few days since he had occasion to ex amine the papers and found that he had renounced his alligance to Queen Victoria, instead of the King of Den mark. So it appears that ho is not a citizen, and as he wants to be Mayor of the town, ho is very much disap pointed. The new catalogue of the romances in the British Museum begins with the record of the unique and priceless manuscript of "Beowulf," and tells ol tho escape of the manuscript from the conflagration at Ashburnham House in 1731 ; and of its still having a l'air pretension, despite all the scholars, to be the very oldest poem in any modern European language—a monument of English which is asserted to be hun dreds of years older than tho first lit erary stammerings of the Romance language, and probably much the senior of any Teutonic literature. The gentle art of shoplifting is on the increase, according to Mr. White ly, the great London provider. It is sad to think women of the middle and upper classes are said to be tho chief offenders, although it is dillienlt to credit such a statement. One of the commonest tricks is to have several largo pockets in a dross into which things can be pushed easily without incuring observation. Very often long, loose cloaks are worn. It canuol be urged that kleptomania is the rea son for these thefts, because the shop lifters usually hunt in couples, one engaging the attention of the atten dant while tho other does the thieving. For every man caught at tho work there are three hundred women! Russia is evidently not a paradise for photographers. Kvery amateur photographer in that country ha* to communicate »ith tho pulico aud se cure a liceuse. If he happen* to hu •ecu photographing in the vicinity of a fortress, he stands a ehattcn of beiug dispatched ou a free excursion to hi berta, whence return ticki ls are not supplied. Of every picture taken a copy must be gtvou to the police aud auothar copy tiled for rufereuot-, and the police have tho right at any tiluu of the day or uightto enter your dark room aud exauiiue cvervtluu.• then in, a* Weil an to search all your photo gtapfeiu patapberuulia. Purthertuorc, all dry plain* liuve to lot luiptl l, aud each ItoX t* opeU> I an I every plate examined «b»y» Ihu New York Wutld "|l t* ptelly generally ku .anlhal tkm la to Im> a ureal ■—ti '•»il|--§ at th eioae uf lite UlUelet Ulit tU Mtttfi an I IW uaiteitng tit ul in lai nlft tit \ glutkl >Ual of ettolt M iwtug luadv lo • airy uui a •< r» tiun|ue, though t t*u I plan It t« piope..id in.i in, i btan l.tbi rty aud i'> a*- lb li be t uA lite 4|tul a bete Ik* »lti pUi.t uk' aid lis. eltulu* 4 angeliu tuu.w« pt>» la'ut . *'i'eaee wl» wMUt, gwoil alii t.ali lank Ibe i lea alet • • In* t.v i| nwg Heelti.j ail pa#t* MI Ibe *ii Iny ltlegl*j baud I I. at .. . n i ito. ail i i • I- U mtu «,.. # a*' ». i* lb* ft ''gl' rW" *u|bi to Lv a uiitkd in tto i fa--* «l ih ati* * '*ttaial> t. * iin lit- In | *ll v *tt i iHt* lh d - »l|»tj lb* We II b* IM| 4 to**-* ba I>.|D t «»«i Mm >** kb CARPE DIEM. The things to eomo are bubbles, That we have had is ours ; The frosts may doom Hopo's dearest bloom, But never Memory's flowora To-morrow Is a maybe, But Yesterday has been , And dear To-day Is hero to say, "Who use mo well are men!" —•Charles F. Lummls, in Harper's Woekly. A GOOD TURN. BY WALTER LEON SAWYER. ASY-GOI NO Mr. Balcom rose early that morning, and fIW jw! hurried off to tho igf fffil Y\ city as soon as he nL/ — J swallowed breakfast. That waH no * wa J> an d Mrs. Balcom wondered ; but, be ffiTPPßm inga good wife, she wJfSasked no questions. 1 c f° ru ha d ' fullly acco mm o dated herself to the novel event, the fc-.;man- of-a 11-work - »«55r gave her another eurpriso, presenting a telegram which set forth that his sister was ill and needed him. Of course Mrs. Balcom let him go. It did not occur to her that the double departure left her and the children unprotected, and if it had she would have smiled at the idea of danger. She did not know that there was a burglar in town. Mr. Balcom did know. As ho came up from the train tho evening before, his neighbor Jones had stopped him to whisper that the Hartshorne house had been entered and judiciously ran sacked. The Hartshornes were in Europe. Their care-taker had been sojourning in that other foreign land, a drunkard's paradise, but as soon as he came out of it he discovered the robbery and hastened to ask Jones's advice. Jonos, who had a nervous mother-in-law, suggested that the mat ter be kept as quiet as possible ; and ho wanted to know if Mr. Balcom— "You did just right!" Mr. Balcom interrupted, when the story had gone thus far. "These country constables would frighten every woman into hy sterics, but they wouldn't catch a bur glar once in a thousand times. Profes sional, is he?" "So I suppose. He seems to have gone into tho houso and through it as though ho knew his business." "I'll back my burglar-alarm against him!" Mr. Balcom chuckled, confi dently. "How about Ben Ezra?" the neigh bor asked. "No foar of him. You see, my stable isfts well protected as my house," Mr. Balcom explained. "Fact is, I'd sooner lose half thero is in tho house than that horse. Little oil' his feed, the poor fellow is. I had a veterinary out yesterday to look at him, and I can't drive him for a week. I guess ''l supposo we ought to do some thing," Mr. Jones ventured to hint. He knew that it allowed togo on Mr. Balcom would talk about his horse until the burglar—and the listcnor— died a natural death. "Oh, of course we must trip the fel low before he goes any further. Tell you what: I know a private de tective who was on tho ISostou force for yearn—long euough to get ac quainted with every rascal in the country. I'll bring him home with me to-morrow to look over the ground. It would be better to pay him a hun dred than have the thing get out and scare the women." "Yen, indeed J" mud Mr. Jones, fer vently. Ho it was decided. And after the neighbors had exchanged tho annul reiuurkH on the dryness of tho ariwon and the ueed of raiu, Mr. Ibtlcoui sauntered homeward, calm in that Couteutlucut which a managing mall haH a right to feel. Hu kissed his wife ami children and then ho weut out and caressed his horse, With the burglar'* accomplishments in mind he lookt'd carefully to the lock* and tho alarm*. They were perfect anil iu order. Hu weul to hod iu peace. That night, however, hu hail a hor fill dr uiu. It Mt'iuwl that lieu K/ra watt atohu ; that hu had expended hu fortune iu booking the horse; that, tiuaUy, when he had *uuk to a beggar ulltiiwl, he fouud the wreck of Hi u K*ra hauliug a gurliage cart! '[be dream no wrought upon Mr Halcoui that he aaoke in a cold perspiration 11l- rtlahcd to tho laldu aud proved It ouly a dream Hut it might be a waruiug ! That »upi r*tltlou* laucy lingered with butt through the hour* bt la k aud lawn, aud the eaily rflar. of an Vuguat aUU did uot di»p I 11. || hurried htm to the citi, a» lut* been lull! Looking at It lit the light of hut new knowledge, Mr. lUltstiUi eouid wg m»u> MMMI ahj Map]i I'atk •h..uld attract a butglat It* i •••laid and un guar tie I le»'attuu t* „uu ; the *iuall U» «* aud «lewpiu, ** of lite town mat it If tug* * t* another. Meufcuukei haa ouiy tan trou*tabii 4 *ud one hand iliv life eugtm ibuugU, Iu b« »uiv, tt ha* fuel ' Itutele » aud the att*loet*|te »• ideut* ml liti m>in » ft ffotu *tl III' •« b| wtUg* I'I bullltlt-, I'U lU> lallb t *l4v uf tin. mIh«I'» Itol 1» ll i( is i'atk bobi* ab"d ll' at- M», " I'm* ~««ti!«t lb*| t wl III* «|(i M<«l»t U*< <-■*• I if?.*! at. frl' * Ifcttt#* •*•<. Ii 4 btl ab't**, U> LA PORTE, PA., FRIDAY, MAY 25, 1894. be disposed of in a bunch at the day of judgment. She was young enough to enjoy her money, and old enough to appreciate her health; and since her daughters had not reached a mar riageable age, neither her health nor her money seemed in danger. Of course she should have been, as she was, a happy woman. She spent her day as the truly happy must—in small activities that amuse one and make one feel useful but not fatigued. So accustomed was she to a routine of quiet, that when Abbie tho cook ap peared excitedly before her she was slow to realize that this particular day might prove an exception. "The stable's afire, Miss Balcom!" the cook proclaimed. "Is it?" the mistress absently answered. "Tell Henry to put it out, please. Oh, I remember; I allowed Henry to visit his sister." She closed her writing-desk and stood consider ing. "Oan't you throw some water on it?" she asked, presently. "It's the roof. I s'poso it caught with a spark from one o' them pesky ingines—bein's's everything's dry as tinder. Ain't nothin' to git scairt about, 'cause tho wind's away from the house, what little the' is. But the" hoss is in the stable, you recollec'." "Oh, my!" Moved beyond hor wont, Mrs. Balcom swept electrically through the kitchen and out of the backdoor. "Oh, my!" slio repeated as she canto in sight of tho blaze, "Bon Ezra will bo burned, won't he? What will Mr. Balcom say? What can we do?" "D' know,"was the depressing answer, "I sent Jane to the corner a'ter the firemen ; but the land knows how long it'll take to git 'em here." "Ben Ezra must come out!" Mrs. Balcom asserted; but there was an accent of despair in the words, deter mined as the sentiment was. ' 'Can't break that door down ! 'n' that air paytent look on—Mr. Bal com's got tho key with him." "Mrs. Balcom stared straight be fore her like one fascinated into help lessness. The sorvaut's conscience would not let hor rest until she had kicked tho door and thrown herself against it. It did not even tremble. She mopped her Hushed face with her apron and, shaking her head mourn fully, drew back beyond tho heat of tho flames that were laying bare the rafters. "Bon Ezra must comoont'" Mrs. Bftlcom said again. The horse's ftf*on izod whinny hail broken the spell that was upon her. Her eyes filled at the sound, and sho ran forward aimlessly and glanced desperately about her. "Man! You man!" sho cried, all at once. "Come hero and get onr liorse!" Though the stranger had scorned to spring from the ground, he showed no alacrity about coming further. He took time to survey the landscape be fore he climbc-d the fence. He looked past the women, not at them, as though ho feared a possible somewhat behind. And when he had advanced to where they stood, though he abruptly took the manner of haste and impatience, his shifty eyes seemed to cover every point of the horizon. "Now, then." he demanded, "where's your ax?" "In the stable, 1 suppose," was Mr. Balcom's dejected reply. " 'N' it's a paytout lock !" the cook chimed in, tragically. "Hoy?" The stranger started and stared at thom suspiciously, but the wretcheduess iu their faces appeared to reassure him. Ho turned again to scau the hill road. Then he ran up to the door. "Huh! That thing!" the women heard him say, contemptuously. Through the waveless atmosphere of the August uoou the smoke tloated lazily off and left the vision nuob soured, and the spiteful Huap of tlaiue overruled every other noise. Tho woiueu looked and listeued with au intentneuii that would have l>oeu paiu ful had it long endured. From the bag he carried the »tranger took a tfillteriUK something which he applied to the lock. lu»taatnueoualy, almost, the door swung open. Htrippiug off his blouse, the man passed through, and wheu ht< reappeared the horse, safely blluded, uuinjured, wa« with hiui. Mrs. Haloom lluttered after as he led the trembling lirtitu to it safer place. Kveuta had sliakeu her accus tomml caliu. For onee iu h<-r life she could not meet the occasion with graceful words. "Oh, t don't know how to thank you!" she (altered, at length. "Mr. Halcouie values lieu K/ra so! I'm •nre he'll " Why, here hu cornea! Oh, Jautus !" she cried, as her husband hatl.ss, coat less and visibly perspir lug took the feuce at a boi|n>l aud i.th.l up to the group. "I Ml, J antes T It it hadu't Iwmu lot this this honest workingutau, tku l.tra would ham Uueit bnrn> I Mr Hslcoitt's eye aa* on his (avut it.), hut hu hand went into hi* | 'il»4 i It, e• M| ■<- « »«. tjlnnwe in in- dtif tiwn ol tu. -rlhtf-, hu +111**1) tgftnfed tit iu. an i at th .tall. 4e4e#w«i hi* ai .« . M. u.. ~» ... >ib a '"ttftitg Hin I n Ihi hw«». in "■*••• • T .. « I ... IMIM l|« km M-*4»» lu -s«li Im again. "Thinks to this worthy man- Why, where is he?" Mr. Parker smiled serenely to him self as he began to lift Ben Ezra's leg* but he said nothing. "Uuss he must 'a' been in a harry,** the cook putin ; "he went off 'n' left his satchel. I s'pose I better lay it away, hadn't I, 'fore these 'ere firemen goto trampin' round." She offered the stranger's bag to Mr. Balcom, but Mr. Parker took it from his unresisting hand and coolly pnlled it open. Then, while the hand-engine men yelled and fell over each other preparatory to deluging the neighbor hood, he drew Mr. Batcom to one side and bade him look in."For," said he, "you won't often seo a noater set o' burglar's tools than that is!" Mr. Balcom seemed less horrified than he should have been; but it was evident that ho was puzzled. He looked from tho bag to Parker and back again, like one who wishes but half fears to speak. "Well," he suggested at length, "ho isn't likely to hang around Maple Park any more, is he?" "I guess not!" the detective made proud rejoinder. "He knows me— knew me's quick's I knew him !" "Yes—well—you see—"Mr. Balcom buttonholed Parker, in his turn, and led him still further from the crowd. "Of course—l'm responsible—l pay all the bills," he went on, with dis jointed earnestness. "I--you—don't you understand, I haven't anything more for you to do here? Why, hang it all, man, he saved Ben Ezra!" "Oh, I know how you feel," the de tectivo answered. He spoke as though he really did. "I like a good boss myself. See? There's a train back to town 'bout twenty minutes, ain't the'?"— Leslie's Weekly. A Monkey Farm. "Tho funniest thing I witnessed dur ing that briof but exciting period known as the boom, in Birmingham, Ala.," said Dr. Everett, at tho Lin dell, "was tho formation of a company t.> establish a monkey farm. About the time that excitement was at its greatest height, two bankers from a country town came with $40,000 in cash, and were very anxious to got into tho little group of capitalists who wero making big money. They haunt ed two or three of the leading invest ors until finally Dr. Jackson, who stood at the head of tho local financial world, told them he had a friend with a scheme in which he himself was put ting 320,000, and if they really want ed to invest ho could, as a personal favor, secure a like amount, if one half was paid down, the other half to bo paid iu at a meeting to be held in a few days. The banker wrote a check for SIO,OOO, and felt jubilant that at last he had been admitted into the ehurmed circle of financiers. "In a few days he was notified to attend a meeting of the stockholders, which he did. Then the promoter of tho enterprise explained it. His plan was to buy on island near Mobile. Send an expedition to Africa and South America to secure monkeys. Stock the farm with 100,000 monkeys and raise them for tho market. An elaborate array of statistics was given, showing the cost and market price of monkeys and figuring out immense profits, but it was necessary that the entire amount subscribed should be paid in at onee. The hanker jumped to his feet. 'I don'd vaut no monkey farm. I knows nodings about dose monkey business. You can keep my £IO,OOO if you release me from dot subscription.' This was done, and ho swallowed his chagrin and disappoint ment at the loss as best ho could. In a few weeks the money was returned to him and it was explained that it was all a joke, but the hanker had a 8200 dinner to pay for."—St. Louis Ulobe-Democrat. (irowtli of llalr Alter heath. T. L. (>gier, un investigative writer of Westchester, Peuu., says:"l, for one, place no faith iu the superstition l of hair growiug after death. There is no growth of hair after death. There : may be, however, u shrinkage of the j tissue of the face ami body which will force the hair of the face through akin to an to give the corpse the appear auce of having a beard two or three i weeks old ; it is not a growth, it is ! ouly the result of the shrinkage." Iu thin department of the Republic | I have giveu many "Botes" which sup port a contrary view to that Kiveu above, and have but lately added to ut,v slock of luforuiatiou on that |>oiut l itis late additiou la from tliialmtli I'rtslcau, ami is as follows: "Lord Howe, who served iu America in ITftft aud waa killed iu tiie Freuch ludlait walk, w*» tinned at Albany Just prior to hia .l< -tilt he had had bis hall cut short su that it could not Imi* come wet from e t posit re and cause . ol.ls Many year • afterwards, wbun iti* r> mains were being iviu««.'.', it i we* found that his bair Itad grow n sev vial nobis, and was sutouib and flossy HI Louts lli puUl ic. Mat's W»i in a l Ivt'k % le*ld> ul MM the bill bid a suuti' a bat k iiiutis etj.tfi. itve tbe wtber l»t ul tn> bold it »» u4 a rst ('ommn du a u obe he lining to lb. dining luoiu b*. found tbat tbu * lo.'k on tbe utautb-i pit « b« Itks at* 1 aa» W tin lib *l|iki- llsheriuwu duck feeds oil li»h and oy Ufa I'llu duck slilvli wa» found ilvml had uVI duutlv stuck it* !""« aud narrow lull IMto tbi open »lo IU of a lul ling oy«- tel. Ilia oy »t> r sUut in shells together nil tile lull tl la supposed that I hit duck tiled to »bak« oil ilw oy«u>r lull tailed, and that the weight of tbe ojfs Ui bangiUH t»* tbe bill Anally pulled ltl» duck's Iliad under waltl aud >lf own> 4 lite fnwl fbu uj>»ti | Was Um| lively enwUMk to pull ibe duek's body beu.atb tkt. water lialllmur* Hum t Hut Ik) su4 Wia- %vntiMw>nl, H»INM t'ailiual Vt»nnin4> ul t-ug lent, 4nd. U*> >Mii«l4 t« u> tin 'n> "1 a i u>>n • >n*i •>. a# 1 lit. tWi let .J y»r; i kHz, I bat Uw • Il« >4 %IU». Ipllts «112 rn •** • »'< b* I«unI Ui lms* 4>'U* I.«I - I anj >it stivt 1 » » n»'i# tbsu a *t Terms---SI.OO in Advance ; 81.25 after Three Months, THE LOW PRICE OF WHEAT. SOME INTERESTING AND VALUA BLE IMFORMATION. Increase In Wheat Contribut Ing Coun tries—What Farmers Must Do to Meet Competition. <* T ILL wheat ever again be \/\ / a profitable crop for ex- V V port ?" a correspondent of the New York Tri bune asked a prominent official of tho Agricultural Department at Washing ton. The latter answered: "In the first place, wheat is now and for many years to come will bo a crop which invites competition from coun tries in which farming is poor and land or labor abundantly cheap. It is es sentially a crop of cheap lands or in ferior tillage, or both. In India, in Egypt and some other countries the la bor is cheap ; in Australasia, and here tofore in our own Northwestern terri tory, -while the labor is high, the lands are cheap and the farmer, moreover, ruthlessly robs tho soil. Now in South America wo find cheap wheat lands, and, compared with our own, cheap la bor. So in Southern Russia, where thore are comparatively cheap lands and positively cheap labor. "In arecentstatementof tho world's wheat supply issued by the Depart ment of Agriculture are found a dozen countries contributing whose existence is probably ignored by the majority of American wheat raisers, and of whom little is known even to Amorican com mercial men. Among them wo may mention especially the Caucasus, Ru mania, Bulgaria, to say nothing of European Turkey, Turkey in Asia, Ser via, Persia, Poland, Cratia and Sla vonia, and in Africa, Egypt, Tunis and Algeria. In the aggregate tho coun tries mentioned have contributed a yearly average of over 290,000,000 bushels to the wheat crops of the last three years. The aggregate popula tion of the first three countries named is in all about 12,000,000, and of this a largo number are not users of wheat flour, using for their own wants rye. Henco the average home consumption per capita is not more than two-thirds as much as ours, and yet these threo countries produced wheat in the years giver as follows: In 1891, 100,575,000 bushels ; in 1892, 171,960,000 bushels, and in 1893, 140,529,000 bushels an average of 159,688,000 bushels, with probably a home consumption barely exceeding 40,000,000 bushels. A few years ago the products of those coun tries, or at least their exportable sur plus, was too insignificant for record. "Tho LonUou Miller states that the total figures for Russia show the ship ments from that country for January, 1894, to be 810,000 quarters, compared with 210,950 quarters iu January, 1893, and 575,950 quarters in Janury, 1891. In 1892 they were prohibited. "Another factor, and one that promises to count more thau all tho rest in the next decade, is to bo found in tho rapid increase in the wheat crops of the Argentine Republic, an increaso which promises to be phe nomenal. Accordiug to the paper al ready quoted, shipments from Argen tina to tho United Kingdom were, for the six weeks ending February 10th, over 280,000 quarters, or at the rate of 2,444,000 quarters (over 19,000,000 bushels) per annum; but, adds tho paper quoted: 'March and April ship ments will show a material increase.' The director of tho Department of Agriculture of Argentina, recently iu this country, assured me that within ten years that country would export more wheat than is now exported by tho United States. Moreover, Chile, Australasia and tho great Northwest territory of British North Amcrioa seem likely ere long to show their ability to supply any deficiencies which may occur iu thu other countries named. "According to tho Department au thorities the wheat supply of the world for the three years IH9I, 1892 and 1893 was respectively, in round numbers, 2,300.000,000, *2,303,000,000 and 2,360,tM 10,000 bushel*, an ample supply for the world's demand, with a very considerable surplus in 1*92, to say nothiug of the alleged underesti mates of the department iu the years 1891 and 1892. It is true that without a marked increase in thu supply there haa been a steady diminution lu price, but that is readily accounted for by the largo available increase from ooiiu trie, not formerly contributing iu auy marked degree, but which, by the de velopment iu uieau. of trau.porlation, tin 111 the i'i»»e of the Caucasus, or uwuug to change, iu I heir political statu., as iu Bulgaria, aud from other causeo, have ii->w peiutaueully joined the rank, oft vportiug countries, aud are able to sell at low price.. "I'lu situation >u Ibis country can only be met b> a gvitvtal reduction iu aefeage and a i>ouaid*»ruble increase in yield per acre Hill farmers must lealu Iu attain the yield winch prevails lu the more uivilut I euuutriea of Kufopv, Hi t- ad of nwuii4 the more backward Hill pilllut thu li eu bu.bt.ls to the acta u*u»t be Increased • igblwt nof I went.!, aud out *l» si *e#i -atfv I educed from Hi,'MM, noil o i?,lfcM,l*Ml ». to J"l (toil 'MM i-ijbii «u bu»h- Is t-> the sci. , an s»«i a* I. iux|e than vqnalh Ib> t I ante and ,|i.tl) . ltd by Olilaiu altd ft. l.iuui. Its lalmtls on lb »b. a|> lands <>f lb Viithw' -4 ■an wake a •mall I'iUl a. in abuttal hflj l <>i >nl) •amts a bn«li< I. * >ul4 »»l thiib -n bashi-U ismii" . ■ *'t'<*i k,* lii inis t< lu I<"U In * « *l*l- tb* »'l l't tut.., ''*»• ■ mi tn- ahi- k I '••■ l*' ■ I a 'Hf •'S,•*»•«. fb Mb- M g' tbsM lh"S» **ait t ibi t»i .. • . Sla aad lit* lisa ••! •»4 Us* ini a»• - NO. 33. SONO. Thflro'a boauty in the dawning HgM, And twilight fair or starlit night Has eaoh its charm and grace; But lovelier still on earth to me, The fairest thing my eye oan see, The beauty of thy face. There's calmness on the ocean's breast, As deep and blue it seems to rest 'Neath bluer heavens above; But deeper, oalmer still to me Than ever sea or sky can be, Thine azure eyes, my love 112 There's music in the running stream, And music when the woodlands seem Awake with songs of birds ; But sweeter, dearer still to me Than nature's voice can over bo, The music of thy words. —G. Roxby, in the Ledger. HUMOR OF THE DAY. More dead than alive—Heroes. A repeating rifle Plagiarism. —' Truth. The rule of the minority—That of tho first baby. "One-half the world doesn't know how tho othor half lives." Neither doos tho other half. —Life. He—"Hero comes Mrs. Gadabout. That woman goes everywhere." She "Yes, except home." —Harper's Ba zar. Va—"Why is the leader of the choir liko a pine tree?" Pa—"Give it up." Va—"Both give the pitch."—The Hullabaloo. Man shows his teeth and growls; but woman shows her teeth and smiles; with far bettor chance of attaining her object.—Puck. Few people can stand prosperity; but they are legion compared with the people who never have a chance to stand it. —Puck. Nervous Wife—"l hear a burglar." Nervous Husband—"Woo ! I'll crawl undor the bed and see if he is there." —New York Weekly. "Er—has young Hill come into his money yet?" "Come into it? Great Scott, man ! He's gone clear through it."—Buffalo Courier. There is nothing like a certainty; and yet most people prefer the un certain prospect of starvation to the certain prospect of death.—Puck. Tho whole system of right and wrong hinges on the question whether a disagreeable thing disagrees with us, or wo disagree with the disagree able thing.—Puck. Teacher—"Now, remember, that in order to become a proficient vocalist you must have patience." Miss Flip kins— "Yes; and so must the neigh bors." —Washington Star. "You say you have been in Kansas City. I suppose tho place was built almost wholly on bluffs." "I guess it was. There seemed to be little money around."—Buffalo Courier. Mr. Gusher (a self-satisfied bore) —"I can tell just what people aro thinking of me." Miss Pert "in deed ! How very unpleasant it must be for you."--Brooklyn Life. An Irish lawyer said to a witness: "You're a nice fellow, ain't you?" Witness replied: "I am, sir, and if I was not on ray oath I'd say tho same of you."—Oakland Enquirer. "It pains me very much to spank you. Johnny," said his mother with deep feeling, "and I shall have to turu you over to your father. His haudtf are harder. "—Chicago Tribune. Elder Sister —"I'm writing to Amy; is there auythiug you'd like to say to her?" Younger Sister (who hatos Amy) —"Yes, plenty ; but you'd bettci only give her my love."- Tit-Bits. Employer "Boy, take this letter, anil wait for an answer." New Hoy— "Yes, Hir." Employer—"Well, whal are you waiting for?" New Hoy— "rin-answer, sir." Harper's lla/.ar. "Grandpa, said Tommy, examin ing critically the bald head of his an cestor, "may task you a question?" "Certainly, Tommy." "Doyoncomt your hair with a razor?"— Test* Sift ings. "That's what I call hush money," remarked tlu- daddy when he plauked down the cash for a bottle of paregoric t>> take home for two among the in fautile portion of the family. Hrook lyu Life. "I aui collecting lulls tor Sugar, S|>l«H' A- Co." "Collecting bitU, are yon? Vefy well; I have two or three of tlit ir bill* which you are welcome to add to yoUl collection " New York Weekly. Mamma "Why ha. I.ucv gone lioiut ao . all.* ' I thought she wan to stay all day ■ Wart i-ouibb uiially i "W«-U, mamma, I just fontid ah< wasn't a Iron I I could quarrut with ' Kale field'. W*»biuglou. t Urgyiuaii >i»ii M «t "Mu you were arreted passm* bad lU"UU»< lut iwau found V,| Mir 1 Von mm, if lha money had |'H»« lit* kuuhl li »• t • itku the qmmn . * oil «i> ut.ui li) lUv bi»b<>p . lb. u •$ t>< lbs e*a|U iu |!i„ Hallo |r'i Hi ' )kUf a..i» i » ili .Itl II I 4I . 1411.1t,. *|II. „,, I * lii.lttill I | .|| , »■$ if fI - (ft