SULLIVAN vhere; but their food is not like that which was used by their southern kin, who had no opportunity of fattening upon whale blubber or wal rus meat. It ia hardly worth while, however, to speculate about these Alas kan cave dwellers until we have fuller information concerning them. That the island had some inhabitants was known before it was visited by the Captain of the Bear, whose report is likely to be of interest to American archteologists. THE SNOW.WBAVBR'S SONQ, Back and forth the shuttle* go, Fashioning the oloth of snow, And the weaver you may hear At the wind loam singing clear» "31umber, little flowers, and dream Of the silrer throated stream, Shining through the April day As it were a music ray Bearing melody along From the mellow sun of song. Slumber, little fragrant faces. Dreaming in your quiet places; Soon the dreams shall pass—and then You and spring shall wake again 1" Thus the wearer at his loom Sings away the winter's gloom, While he weaves the coverlet For the dreamers who forget: "Slumber, little flowers, and dream Of the April'sgolden beam ■Which shall come and fill your eyes With the sunlight of surprise: W» king, you shall hear onoe more Song birds at the daybreak's door. Slumber, little fragrant faces. Dreaming in your quiet places. Soon the dreams shall pass—and then You and spring shall wake again!" —Frank Dempster Sherman. NINETTE'S CAREER. BY AMY RANDOLPH. / T was snowing still, II sharp prickles of (7 whiteness in the sSV gloomy December A 1 dusk, when Ninette I 1 Beauvoir was driven I 1 up to her cousin's If H house. The air was y | intensely cold, the fr houses on either side *'' " iiifi of the street loomed / 1 " up like huge phan • toms, and the gas- JK jets seemed to thrill and shiver in the wind. And the wel come of Mrs. Berry, her cousin's house keeper, was a dead match for the weather and the wind. "I am expected, I suppose?" said Ninette, wondering why the womau did not open the door a little wider. "What name?" cautiously inquired Mrs. Berry. "Miss Beauvoir, from Atlanta, Georgia." "1 have heard nothing of it,'' said Mrs. Berry, without opening the door a fraction of an inch farther. "Mr. Trebleton is at home, I supposo?" "No, Miss, he's not," still frigidly. "I will come in," said Ninette, trying to swallow the suffocating sensation in her throat. "I will wait for hiin. It is so cold, aud I—l am half frozen." Mrs. Berry hesitated a moment, then opened the door, ungraciously enough. "Well," she said, "I suppose you can wait in the study until lie comes." She showed Ninette into the red-cur tained, cozy little room, lined with books, lighted by the soft ring of flame that streamed from a shaded gas-jet, warmed with the glow of a coral-red tire upon the hearth. And here, surrepti tiously turning tho keys in the secretary drawers and writing-table and takiug them out, Mrs. Berry left her. "There are the paper-weight," said Mrs. Berry to herself, "and the ivory paper-cutters and tho inkstand with the stag's head in bronze; but I don't be lieve she'd take them!" While Ninette, left alone, crouched down in the low chair before the fire and burst into tears. "Is all the North as cruel, as hard, as frozen cold as this?" she asked herself, with a convulsive shudder. "Oh, it would have been better to have died of starvation in my own sunny, golden South! If a stray dog, there, had crept in out of the storm at night, they would, at least, have given him a bone and a kind word. But for me there is no auch welcome!" When Mr. Trebleton came in at nine o'clock, he found Ninette still lookiDg at the Arc through eyes that swan like tears. "I am Ninette Beauvoir, your cousin's child," said she, rising with varying color. "Happy to make your acquaintance, I am sure," said Mr. Trebleton, apparently so busy in removing his gloves that he never noticed her offered hand. "What cat' I do for you, Miss Beauvoir?" Ninette looked at him with large, grave eyes. "Papa said, before he died," she faltered, "that you would give me a home with your daughters. I have no longer a home of my own. Papa's ill ness was expensive and took all our means." "Quite out of the question; quite out of the question," said Mr. Trebleton, hurriedly, as he took up a poker aud began beating the topmost lumps of coal on the lire. "Perhaps you are not aware Miss Beauvoir, that I have a large and expensive family of my own, and I couldn't think of undertaking any ad ditional expenses." Ninette listened, apparently incredu lous of her own senses. "But what am I to do?" she asked. '■What do other girls do who are thrown on their own resources? - ' rather curtly demanded Mr. Trebleton, secretly wishing that tho interview was ovor. "I don't know," said Ninette, simply. "I am only an ignorant Southern girl. No one every told me. I supposed, of course, that I could come and live with you I" "Humph!" said Mr. Trebleton. "They teach; they take in sowing; they go into stores, shops, factories. They strive for independence." "Cousin Trebleton," said Ninette, with a quivering lip, "if I could see your wife—your daughters—they arc women like me; they—" "I am very soriy," said Mr. Trebleton, •tonily, "but they are out of town. There, there; don't cry. If there's any thing I hate, it ia to see a womau make n scene. Of courae, you can stay here to night. My housekeeper, Mra. Berry, will take care of you. In the morning LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 1893. you will be better able to look things in the face." Mrs. Berry, still, stiff and silent, con ducted Ninette to an arctic-cold bed room at the top of the house, where the very candle seemed to shiver. "What'a the matter now?" said Mra. Berry. "Why are you crying ?" "I am ao hungry," sobbed Ninette, in whose nature starvation had completely overcome the heroic element. "I have had nothiug to eat since eight o'clock this morning." .Mrs. Berry bit her lip impatiently. "And the kitchen Are gone dowD," said she, "and not a drop of milk left! Well, I'll go down and see what I can find." But when she came back, poor little Ninette, who had crept iuto bod to get warm, waß sound asleep. And the nig gardly sandwich apd slice of withered cake were too late. Mr. Trebleton took Ninette to a gen teel intelligence bureau the next day. "This lady," he said to her, indicat ing a stout female in b'ack-silk behind a tall desk, "will procure decent lodgings for you, and put you in tho way to em ployment. And, if I can be of any further service to you, pray let me know." And he had given her hand a flsh-liko pressure and was gone, before she fairly comprehended that this was his way of getting rid of her. Poor Ninette! Poor little tropical child of the South, how infinitely lonely she felt at that moment. But the stout female took up a pen, opened a big book and began to ask questions with bewildering brusqueness and rapidity, and Ninette soon caught the infection of her energy. The rest of the week was like the shifting scenes which Ninette remem bered to have seen at a pantomime,years and years ago. She was hurried from place to place in the great, noisy bedlam of a city. Nobody wanted a nursery governess; the school lists were crowded to overflowing; from the stores Ninette shrank with trembling horror, after she had seen the smooth, nice, oily-faced superintendents of one or two. "I can do nothing more for you," said the stout female at length, "unless, indeed, they can give you employment nt the Decoration Rooms. It won't cost anything for you togo and see!" To the Rooms of Decorative Art Nin ette accordingly went. The directress was engaged. She would see the youug person presently. Let her be shown into the workroom. A great, bright, well-ventilated apart ment tilled with busy workers, some at frames, some at tables, some standing before easels; and one pale, middle-aged women was drawing a design for wall paper on a huge sheet of coarse paper— daisies, corn-flowers, trailing vines, all taugled together. "That is not right I" exclaimed Nin ette, involuntarily, as she watched the slow, uncertain progress of the pencil. "Let me show you how to bring that vine out!" The woman stared, but Ninette had caught the pencil from her hand, and, with two or three bold atrokea, altered the whole character of tho design. From mediocre it became original; from stiff nesa it took on a wild, woodland grace. "How did you do that!" askei the stupid, middle-aged woman in bewilder ment. "I don't know," confessed Ninette, crimsoning. "But don't you see—can't you comprehend? It couldn't be other wise! It must come out so I" A hand waa laid ligttly on her shoul der, and turning around she found her self looking into the calm, amused eyes of the directress. "You are right, my child," said she, "it could not bo otherwise. But it ia not one in a thousand who would know it. Come here, I must talk with you!" That half-hour in the work-room of the Decoration Society was the turning point of Ninette Beauvoir's life. Sho had found her niche in life's temple. She could scarcely reckon up within her own mind the number of years that hud passed when she sat alone in the little private parlor of the Decoration, Rooms in the soft dusk of a March even ing, with the red gleam of tho fire filling the room with dreamy softness. She had grown irom an impulsive child into, a tall, beautiful, self-poised woman, who presided over the ramifications or' the great society with queenly dignity and well-balanced judgment. And Ninette was happy now in having discovered her true career. The girl entered with lights. Miss Beauvoir glanced up. "I shall not need the light, Gretchen," she said. "I am going home as soon as; the carriage comes for me." "There is an old gentleman, Miss, Beauvoir, to sec you," aaid the girl, apologetically. "I told him it was past hours, but he said he had walked a long distance to see you, and seemed ao old and feeble that I didn't like to refuau him. He has a portfolio under his arm." j "Where ia he, Gretchen? In the ro- ! ception room?" interrupted Miss Boau- j roir. "I will goto him." A tall, atooping old man, with scanty I locks, threadbare clothes and gloves | mended until they resembled a piece of I mosaic, turned as she eutered. •'Do I apeak," he asked, "to the head j of the establishment?" Miss Beauvoir inclined her head. In the dark silk dress and mantle edged with fur she looked even older, more dignified than her years. "I am very poor," he said. "I have i met with reverses in business and am j quite dependent on the exertions of my j daughters. Thoy have been brought up ! ladies, and, consequently, are com para tively helpless; but they have done a I little needlework, for which they would I be glad to obtain a fair price, and— "Mr. Trebleton I" cried out Ninette, I holding out both her hands. He fiuahed deeply. "That ia my name," he said," but I | was not aware—" "Have you forgotten me?" she inter- I rupted. "Little Ninette Beauvoirl I Don't you remember that we are cousins? My circumstances are good," she added, noloring a little. "I receive an ex tillent salary here and have money laid UJ,N Do you think I can allow my fatiwr's cousin to want? I have a com fortable home; it shall be yours, and my couaitia' also. My carriage is at the door now. Let us go together to your home." And Minette, in her enthusiasm, over ruled poor Mr. Trebleton's feeble objeb tions. "A comfortable home" she had called it, but to the poverty-stricken inhabi tants of a tenement-bouse on Grand street the little brown-stone dwelling seemed a palace, with its bright open fires, its sweetness of hot-house flowers, its moss-soft carpets, dark oiled boards and walls tinted with the softest of colors. Mr. Trebleton sat feebly down in the big velvet arm-chair; his pale, sickly daughters stood beside him, embarrassed, yet happy in their young cousin's warm Southern welcome. "Do you mean," he faltered, "that we are to live here—always?" "What else could I possibly mean?" said Ninette, kneeling to arrange the coffee and fruit on the table at his side. "Are you not mycousins? Whereshould your homo be but with me?" Mr. Trebleton brushed something from his eyelashes. "Ninette," said ho, faintly, "I do not deserve this. I—l didn't treat you so, when you came a solitary orphan to my house!" "Let all that be forgotten," said Ni nette, gently. "Remember, only, that you are welcome, more than welcome to my hearth and home!" So Stephens Trebleton and his daugh ters staved on, always, in the sunny lit tle brown-stone house. And Ninette was happy, for she had it in her power to bestow happiness. "Of what use is money, if not to help others with?" said sweet Ninette. "And they are my cousins, tool" But Mr. Trebleton had not argued thus on that snowy December night when Ninette Beauvoir came, homeless and solitary, to him. "Lord be merciful to me, a sinner," he breathed. "But I never knew, until I saw it in the uncompromising light of the past, what a miserable, selfish brute I was."—The Ledger. She Remembers Her Newsboy Friend. "There is a youug man in Mobile, Ala.," said Colonel Robert McEachin, of Winchester, Va., "who has cause to re member Amolie Rives, the writer, twice a year. When the now distinguished lady was a little girl and lived in that city, she became fondly attached to a newsboy who cried out his papers every morning in the neighborhood in which ahe lived. They met one day aud a friend ship sprang up between them that has lasted to tho present time. After the boy's stock of papers were sold in the morning he would call for the pretty little blue-eyed miss and they would take long strolls down Froscute road, pluck ing the orange blossoms and the magno lia blooms. They soon got to be fami* liar figures on Government street, as they would walk along that busy thorough fare with the youog girl's head garlanded with wreaths of beautiful flowers and the little boy's arms filled with vines and evergreens. Then Miss Rives moved far away into Virginia, but she never forgot her newsboy friend, for it was her custom almost daily to write him, telling how sadly she missod the walks and strolls, his joyous, sunny face and the music of his boyish laughter. I doubt if Mrs. Chanler, as she now is, ever wrote love lier or more poetic or passionate sen tences than those she used to send in her letters to her newsboy sweetheart. The boy met with a misfortune some yaars ago which crippled him for life. He is poor, but his purse is twice a year re plenished by a postoffice order from Mrs. Chanler. One of these arrives in Mobile on his birthday, which is in June, and the other on Christmas Day.'"—St. Louis Republic. Surgical Progress Illustrated. In one of the best knowu restaurants in this city a few weeks ago there was seated at a table enjoving a hearty lunch a well known physician and a well known lawyer. When tho feast was about ended the physician, rubbing tho region of his stomach covered by the lower part of his vest, said: "I'm out of order down here. I believe I'll goto Dr. (naming a well known young surgeon of this city, who has a reputation for skill and ra pidity in the use of the knife), and have my stomach cut open to see what'a the matter." The lawyer was amazed, and unwilling to take the doctor at hia word, asked him what he really meant. "Why," said the doctor, "I mean what I say. The right way to treat the stomach is by opening it and finding out what's the matter. That's what surgery is coming to. It will be the regular practico in a few years—indeed, it is frequently done now. They used to think it was certain death to expose the bowels, but they've got over that. lam in medicine, but not in surgery, but I know what tho surgeons are doing, and even now they take out a man's bowels, tlx them up again, and put them back all right."—St. Louis Globe-Democrat. Paris Dotes on Horseflesh. O.ie of the most properous industries in Paris ia the sale and disposal of horse flesu for food. There are in the city of Paris 180 shops for the sale of horseflesh, and in the course of this year more than 21,000 horses, sixty-one mules and 275 donkeys have been killed and eaten by the Parisiaus. The most singular point about this traffic is that the price of the flesh is equal to that of good beef, 20 cents a pound. It is ;>nly fair, however, to add that two-thirds of this meat has been converted into sausages, so that it is more than possible that the consumers aie ignorant of theaourco of their tooth some dish. It is now easy to under stand how it is that good horses are so scarce in the Paris > fiacres; at 20 cents a pound a fat horse 'would be worth more when he was dead'than alive,—Chicago News Record. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Wood pavements cause opthalmania. A diamond for cutting glass lasts about three months. Psyoologists say that people do their dreaming, or most of it, after 4 a. m. A German savant has discovered what he thinks is a sure means of disinfecting rivers. Physicians are now able to wash out the system through the natural channels of circulation by means of injected fluid. The copper plating of sheet zinc has been aucceasfully accomplished and the process is recommended where wear takes place. Pittsburg now claims the largest glass flattening oven in the world. This new oven will take a sheet seventy-five inches by 111 inches, or in narrow glass one of thirty inches by 131 inches. The most valuable bit of ore ever melted in the world, so far as is known, was a lot containing 200 pounds of quartz-holding gold at the rate of $50,- 000 per ton, and was found in a mine at Ishpcming, Mich. It is aaid that one of tho new armored cruisers will have smokestacks 100 feet high. These high funnels will be un sightly, but appearances are to be sacri ficed to utility. The increase In height will give additional draft in ordinary steaming. Recent studies of cancer not only in dicate that it is an organic growth, but aimost certainly prove that it is itsslf liable to the attack of another parasite. Better acquaintance with the relations of these parasites may possibly bring tho long-sought method of arresting cancer. There are two fixed rulos for propor tioning the human form; just two. They are that eight heads (that is, skull lengths) make the total height of the figure and that the invariable center of the total length of the whole figure should be the front termination of the lowest part of the pelvis. By placing two iron bars at seven or eight yards distance from each other and putting them in communication on one side by an insulated wire and on the other side with a telephone, it is said that a storm can be predicted twelve hours ahead through a certain dead sound heard in the receiver. Sneezing is averted by pressing the upper lip, because by doing so we dead en the impression made on a certain branch of the fifth nerve, sneezing being a reflex action excited by some slight impression on that nerve. Sneezing does not take place when the fifth nerve is paralyzed, even though the sense of smell is retained. Paper tough as w.> •! is said to be made by mixing chloride of zinc with the pulp in the course of mauufacture. It has been found that the greater the degree of the concentration of the zinc solution the greater will be the lougn ness of the paper. It cau be used for making gas pipes, boxes, combs, for roofing and even, it is added, for mak ing boats. Still another use for aluminum ha<> been found in the construction of slate pencils. It was acoidently discovered that aluminum wouid give a stroke on a slate, and a German forthwith set about manufacturing pencils of the new metal. They are five millimeters thick and four teen millimoters long. They are said to need no pointing, and are practically in exhaustible and unbreakable. The writing, which can be erasedwith a wet sponge, is as clear as that of the ordin ary pencil, only requiring a little more pressure. Ti*e Tale of the Telepho in. The first telephone that was ever used was not electrical, nor was it a scientific instrument in any sense of the term. A little more than fifty years ago the em ployes of a large manufa* -y beguiled theii leisure hours by kite . jing. Kites large and small went up daily, and the strile was to see who could get the largest. The twine which held them was the thread spun and twisted by the ladios of tho village. One day to the tail of the largest kite was attached a kitten, sewed in a can vas bag, with a netting over the mouth to give it air. When the kite was at its greatest height, some 200 feet or more, the mewing of the kitten could be dis tinctly heard by those holding tho string. To the clearness of the atmosphere was attributed the hearing of the kitten's voice. This is the first account we re member of speaking along a line.— Sheffield Telegraph. Some Curious I'uuishinents. During the time of Richard 1., and by the advice aud consent of that monarch, the British Parliament promulgated some strikingly original codes for the main tenance of order on his Majesty's fleet. Thus, if any seaman killed another on shipboard he was to be bound face to face with his victim by means of stout thongs "of not less than three-ply," the living and dead bundle to be thrown overboard together. Any man who maimed another, the same having been done with malice intent, was ordered to be served iu like manner as his victim. One section of this law read as follows: "He who draws bloude from another by wilful blow struck, be that blow struck with a weapon or with hee's hand only, must lose the hand with which the wound was inflicted; a hand blow that causes no bloude to flow must be punished by ducking the offender thrice."—St. Louis Republic. Cougar* Abonud In Washington. Complaints are made in eastern parts of the State of Washington that cougars are entirely too plentiful for comfort to the settlers. Several of the animals have lately visited stock pens and farms in Spokane County, and one was seen calmly trotting along the wain road just outside Spangle. This latter beast was not at all frightened at the approach of men, but ambled off into tha woods at a leisurely gait. Terms—Sl. 00 in Adrance; 51.25 after Three Months. YARNS SPUN BY WHALERS. Qt) EBB STORIES TOLD BT ABOTIO BLUBBEB HUNTBB& Singular Effect ot the Moon on * Whale's Eyes—The Crew Usually Humanity's Odds and Bads. STORIES of the sea always have a fascination for the landsman, and so it was that a group of Arctic blubber hunters had a lot of interested uuditors. "How would you like to hare eight or ten thousand dollars on a string?" asked one of them, knocking his pipe on the edge of the stringer ana addressing the group of landsmen collectively. "Well, I've had that much many a time," he went on without waiting for a reply, "and it makes a fellow rather nervous guessing whether he's going to land his fish or whether he'll get flipped overboard. I'vo been to sea now thirty four years and I expect I've struck about as many whales as the next one, but it's pretty excitiug business yet. Why, last season one of our boats struck a big sperm whale and he started down. Our ship had five boats and each boat carries 280 fathoms of line. That whale took down the whole five of 'em—l4oo fathoms in all. It began to look as we had lost the whole thing, but be was too tired, and when he came up we into him." • "You wouldn't believe that fish—at least spouting fish—are influenced by the moon?" said another of the group. "Well, they are. I've seen it time and again, and I've called other people's at tention to it, too, but I never found any one else who had noticed it. Sometimes when you are at sua and whales are to be seen frequently—it may be at the full moon or at new moon—well, all at once they will disappear and you won't see one for two weeks. Then just as sud denly the water will be full of them. I've compared notes with other vessels. Maybe they were sixty miles or more awsy at the time and the whales there would be numerous just at the same time they appeared near our vesse'.. Oh, you fellows needn't laugh. There is some thing in it. "And then I've noticed another thing about this same class of fish. When you catch them you will always find that they have the pupil of the eye the same shape as the moon at that time. If the moon is full the pupil will be round, and il it is a half or a quarter the sight will be like a crescent." The Captain stopped to light a fresh pipe and another one of the whalers spoke up. "I've had some experience myself," said ho, "but two years ago I came the nearest taking after onah that a man ever did. Wevhau made a strike all right and the whale went down, not very far, but when he came up he had his mouth open, and some how or other ho came up with one jaw on the port and the other on the lea side of our boat. Surprised? Well, that whale looked very much as if be was ready to receive company, but I wasn't invited, so I made a streak for another boat." "You would be surprisod," said the first speaker, changing the direction of the talk, "what queer mixtures there are in a whaler's crew sometimes. Why I've bad lawyers and doctors and any number of young men with a degree of some kind. And once I shipped a fel low that turned out to be a preacher, and I wish I could get him again, for we got eight whales that season. I be lieve he was a mascot. One poor fell aw who went overboard in agale, had in his trunk a physician's diploma, and any number of letters with high recommend ations, but I guess he had gone wrong same how, and wanted to get out of the way for a while. He succeeded better than he intended. I guess they won't think of looking for him at the bottom of the Aictic. "We get lots of men for a season's cruise that way. If a fellows wants to hide himself for a while I don't know of any place be could do it better than on board a whaler. Nobody would think of looking for such a man in this busi ness, and then they couldn't look much if they wanted to. That kind of a sea man never makes you any trouble. It's the shiftless fellow you pick up here on the wharf that you've got to handle pretty roughly before he learns how to keep a decent tongue in his head." "On one of my cruises I had a big, black West Indian in the crew," said the first speaker. "One day for some reasoti he jumped overboard. The sea was s little rough and it was quite a while be fore we got the boats lowered, and we lost sight cf him. But we pulled back a little way aud I soon saw him, swim ming with all his might, but in the op posite direction from the boat. I yelled to him, and when he saw he was discov ered be made no further effort to get away. And where he was going is more than I know, for it all happened in mid ocean. We hauled him into the boat, and made for the ship. It was four months before we made port and yet in all that time, Sandy, for that was his name, never spoke a word. No one on board could get a sound from him. Some times he wonld lie down on the deck and seem to be asleep and some of the crew would slip up and stick him with a pin. At first he would twitch a little and then would not move at all. We made a bed for him down below and kept him away from a knife or other weapon. You could tell him ta take the wheel and he would steer right enough, but if you asked him what course the ship was making he was silent as the grave. And when we made the first port he went ashore and I never saw him again. But some of the crew said he regained his tongue on land and thought he bad been 'playing' us all the time. But it was a strange case.''—Ban Fran cisco Examiner. Only 2369 sea otter skins were imported to England by the Alaska Commercial Company and other traders in 1891. Thep were sold at an average price of $235 apiece, , . - NO. 15. THB OLD BACK STAIR. Of all the (porta of childhood, I know of none to rare At sliding down the tinlitw Of the old back "*'-J stair. * '*■ I remember well the circus, And the fun it u«ed to bring, 1 While watching fearless riders A-da«hing 'roun 1 the ring. But this jolly old attraction Could neyer near compart With sliding down the bauister Of the ,S V. old back * „ stair; Then t recollect the barn loft. Chucked full of clover hay; Mother used to send us there To pass a rainy day. But 1 often stole away from that And while mother wasn't there, Be sliding down the banisters Jf the old back i stair. I hare grown into manhood now. And often wander home The old folks always welcome me- Tbey're glad to have me come; But while they're not looking I'm tempted, I declare To slide down the banisters Of the old back < stair. "* —C. E. Edwards, in Kansas City Journal. HUMOR OF THE DAT. ( A bouncing baby—The rubber doll. Fair and square—The angular blonde girl. Settled out of court—The confirmed bachelor. Gossip will very soon die without proper ventilation. Fighting tooth and nail—The dentist and the chiropodist. The barbed wire fence is the thing that can give you points. A bird that can't sing and will sing ought to be made into a pot-pie. When a bad example is set it is apt to hatch mischief.—Kate Field's Washing ton. Many a man has made a goose of himself with a single quill.—Texas Sitt ings. Sleep is not the period of conscious ness; it is only the coma, so to speak.— Boston Courier. It takes years for a wise man to ma ture, but a fool can get ripe in a minute. —Washington Star. The diamond that poets praise, Though still a favored jewel, Will be outranked ere many days, By carbou used as fuel. —Washington Star. This would be a much happier world if we couldn't borrow trouble withou' collateral security.—Puck. "A little learning is a dangerous thing," as the poor skater remarked as he picked himself up.—Puck. "This is a first-class sugar loaf," said the candy merchant as he retired from business.—Washington Star. When some people get on the roll of honor they must roll it up and take it off with them.—Galveston News. The height of impudeucc—Taking shelter in an umbrella shop till the shower is over.—Le Monde Comique It has been demonstrate! oft A man ne'er reaches fame. Until the world familiarly Mabes use of his first name. —Washington Star. Photographer—"Now, madame, a pleasant expression, please." Son-in-law (in the back ground)—" Whew! I must not miss thatl"—Fliegende Blaetter. '•I am not afraid to say what I think," exclaimed Hiladd. "I always express my views." "They arc too heavy togo by mail, I suppose," replied Larimer- She—"Dudes haven't more than half sense." Mr. Sappy—"Aw, Miss Mawy, are there no exceptions?" "O, yes, Mr. Sappy; some haven't any."—Brooklyn Life. "Poor Mr. Mills is so sympathetic, I think." Dolly—"What did he do!" "To-day be sat with his eyes closed on the car rather than see the ladies stand up."—Chicago Inter-Ocean. "What have you got all those pictures out on the window sill fort" asked a friend of an amateur photographer. "I am simply airing my views," was the re sponse.—Yonkers Statesman. Oh, novelist, a little light We humbly beg of you. Why are the clocks of which you write All made of ormolu? —Washington Star. "Hello, Dinwiddiel" exclaimed Shin gi*s, when the two met on Fifth avenue, "I haven't seen you in an age. What do you do for a living now?'' "Ibreathe," replied Dinwiddie, languidly.—Pitta burg Chronicle. Neighbor's Boy (looking through the fence) —"My father's a heap bigger man than your'n!" New Boy (with cold die dain) —"Size ain't nothin'l When my father coughs you can hear him half a mile I"—Chicago Tribune. Elderly Maiden (out rowing with a possible suitor and a little sister who is frightened by the waves) —"Theadors I If you are so nervous now, what will you be at my age?" Little Sister (meekly) "Thirty-seven, I suppose."—Tid-Bita. Stranger—"l notice you called your friend Professer. Is he really a pro fessor?" Bowerylte—"l should say so. Why, dat feller swollers a sword eighteen inches, stands on his ear and eats glass out of a churn. Professor 1 Well, I should just smile,"—New York Herald.