SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN. W. M, CHENEY, Publisher. VOL. X. Mrs. Mary Lease says that the prairies of Kansas are dotted with the graves of -jvoincn who died of "mortgage on the farm." Au observaut woman is authority for the statement that the evolution of man iu tho matter of domestic science has taken a mighty stride of late. In proof of this, cites the Boston Transcript, hero is King Humbert of Italy proudly dab bling iu amateur cooking. The United States Senate is a great place for chums, avers the Chicago News- Kecord. Beck and Allison were such a pair, as were Don Cameron and Butler, Vest aud Plumb, Edmunds and Thurman. Another notable case of congressional Damon aud Pythias is that of Tom Heed aud Bourke Cockrau in the House. In 1825 there was but one lone reprc sentative of honieopothy in this country. To-day 25,(100 physicians are enrolled under the banner of Hahnemann. In 15;5!5 the first homeopathic college in the world was incorporated, issuing diplo mas to sixteen physicians iu six years. Now, says the New Orleans Picayune, there are sixteen such colleges graduat ing annually 500 students. That the Norsemen discovered A'ner ica centuries before Oohimbm did re ceives emphasis from Professor Horsford, of Harvard, who says that they landed on tho Charles River at Cambridge. The professor petitions the municipal authorities to protect certain ridges of grass-covered earth, which ho claim* are the foundations of Leif Erickson's home and date from the year 1000. "While farmers in the South are com plaining that the last year's cotton crop of nearly 0,000,000 bales—the largest ever raised—will leave them scarcely a dollar of profit, and bring thousands of them in debt," exclaims tho St. Louis Its public, "the Illinois State Board of Agri culture reports that seireu of the ten corn crops of that State between 1882 aud lS'.ll were raised at a loss of $8J,000,. 000." Neiv York is the first city iu the coun try to start an cilort to provide artistic street decorations for a public celebra tion. In order to secure worthy results, Perry Belmont,Chairman of the Ait Com mittee for tho Columbus celebration on October 12, has called to his aid as ad visers tho leading painters, sculptors, designers aud architects of the city. This is a distinct and important advanco in civilization, declares the Bostou Trans script. Ihe popular taste lias been too long at the mercy of mere contractors. John Burns, the eminent English labor authority, says that no man's services are worth more tliau $3500 a year. The St. James Gazette notes that an exception wilt have to be made iu the case of onera tenors, as Jean de ltcszke earns that much iu a week, ltcceutly ho contribu ted one night's salary to the Erving Thomas memorial fund iu the shape of a check lor SSOO. At three performances a week that amounts to the neat sum of $125,000 a year, more than tho most fashionable physician or the most success ful lawyer can hope to clear. For the last two generations, says the Gazette, famous singers have been paid the most enormous rates, yet none of them have transmitted any amount of money to the next generation, it is easy uoiue, easy go. An interesting contribution to thedis c union of American country comes from Professor Itichard T. Ely, who alliruis that "poor roads cost this country ou thu average over S2O a horse." Hu is sustaine I by Professor Jcuks, ot Knox College, who thiuks "I*ls a horse is a low estimate (or this lons," Thu Hoard of Trade, of Kuox ville, Teou., has also made the sugges tive compulation that bad dirt roads cost the people of that one common wealth more th iu sr,<* 10,0 'tj n )i- tr. From tables made upon other statistics it is also dtiltrcd that ou a gravel road a horw will draw ue irly ouu and a hall limes the load, and on macadam over three times the load he can draw on the common dirt ioud. Ihe io*4us from lime consume I, from wear uu beast «ut| st hit le aud tloui repair* iit iudireet ways en. . . 1 in agricultural pursuit* The bear lit haullig to tilt Kuowille mil act frout the suirouii liuij t ui.kte iMI $7 id a l»a l. Thu aver age, it it autUorilively stated, could b» re.ln. «d one half up u good dirt roads aud ll v. sl|Uu itvei ; i j I iuat sdam toads. That is to swy, uuu of thu chief ctpeuaut Iturue by fainter* u doubled ihruugU lliti etirav.i aul eeoioiuy which permit null* !*Mir IN H w, t 14 Ul wi«U 'tk* ftuanu ul luouwy life k«|!fc i I'M i •' I Wl 41 it AFTER THE COWS. (The pasture reached to the bleak uplands where the sugar maples stood Firmly rooted amid the rocks, at the odge of the great pine wood: The brook from tho spring iu tho forest leaped downward in clouds of spray, And the tall ferns drooped and nodde I their heads above the bowlders gray. The hush of the summer evening fell, restful and cool and damp; The firefly in tho buttercup meadows lighted bis ghostly tamp; And high in the flare of tho sunset climbed up the dome of the blue. As three little children wont after the cows, barefooted through the dew. The whippoorwill sang in tho aMors that fringed the bank o! the stream; And, like the mystical music one hears in a beautiful dream. The tinkle of cow-bells blended with the rippling waters below. And the full red moon in the shadowy east on the horizon hung low. The air was sweet with the clover bloom from the banqueting-grounds of the bees, And tho woodsy scent of tho mosses that hid in the shnde of the trees; The cow-path wound through the hemlocks and round the high ledges curlod, Where, gaaing out through tho distance, we saw to the ends of the world! We called tho cows through the gloaming— Buby, and Bessie, and Floss, Cherry, and M illy, and Dimple, and Bounco —"Co,' boss! co,' boss! co,' boss!" And down the path through the clearing they thundered, and trampled, and roared, With their bellowing hen Is borno high aloft as they galloped to roach tbe ford. Knee-deop in the gurgling water they crowded and pushed as they drank; They reared and hoaked at each other as they climbed tlies.ippery bank; They plunged their heads in the clematis as it hung in its tangled net. And tossed on their horns the eel grass, so snaky and green and wet. Three little children followed them clos?, all fearless and happy and free. Holding t">e tanned brown hands of each c her—three little children, three, Through the soft coal damp of tho shadows and under the light of the stars. Driving the cows with their tinkling bells homo to the barnyard bars. —Clara Augusta, in Wide Awake. A. TALE OF TEZCUCO. O back with tnc /V'|'--/NV reader, to a time I |Nh2wT» almost six ccn r turies ano. Turn pa fcCnit '' VV " n ' t | lL ' \ n /T It ' cllco > on the east \\\\ "~10 eru border of the yo VgaX #A great .Mexican lakc ' tllllt power ful neighbor aud ally of tho Aztecs, which for several centuries flourished in a part of what is now the Kepublic of Mexico. Stretching away from the imperial city toward the mountains were fields of yellow maize, that glittered in the sun light like seas of gold. Mingled with and beyond these were plantations of the maguey or aloe, one of the most im portant aud useful products of the country. Farther in the distance, ami from thence extending to the mountains themselves, were vast forests of the rich and variegated fiora of tho tlicu semi tropical region. One evening, as the sun was casting his last bright beams on the valley, shed ding a refulgent glory over the land scape, there stood at the ed"e of the forest two uieu engaged iu earnest con sultation. One of these, although young, was clad in the gurb of a warrior, or "lord of the realm," with a short tunic over which was a cuirass made of tliiu plates of gold aud silver. A magnificent cloak ol inany-hued feathers auil usilvei helmet, from the top of which waved it panache of variegated plumes, •prluk'ed with precious stones, completed tbe attire of the Priuce, for such he was. His compauiou was a mau whose hair was white with age, yet his eyes ll.isl el with energy and ins step was still firm. This was Iluitzil, priest of thu terrible war god, lluitzilopochtli. The younger man was speaking. "Aud thinkest thou not, good Father Iluitzil, that my father, the King, will 1 decree to suve the maiden, that she miv become iuy wile!' 1 "N*y, Prince Nez iliualcoyotl, that may not be. Fur who would oppose the :oiiimauds of the rest and awe-inspiring lluiutilopochtli, the god of gwkf And ha» he not spoken through me, his ser vaut, that the BMideu mu*t die I N ly, Uiy son, lift Hilt ihy hand ftgklust the anointed of the ndsl Thou ahull find other* a* woithy of thy favor as Tula. The world is wide ami lluiisilopuchlli is its ruler, lie who taketh out ca i give another, lie advised, my sou, ami lit not thy haud U> guided by the ritshuess of thu uubeliever." "My tether, thou art wise, but tlinu art old, ll is uau.ht Iu thee that the tier.e I'l'iNm t,. ui my bo«oui. Thou ait like >mulei mountain, reafiug Its snow elatl tuiuiiiil iowaid the suit, laiu like lltt file utouiitaiu, the linnet loat iu iuy bust.lll. Wl.al kDO weal I lion of youth or the love ol y..,it|il I tell thee llikl I love the beautiful Tula, and she shall bt my bride, or au ill r shall sit uii the tin*.iiu ol It/..,,; i Iu the steal ul my lather. I have - t| 11. ' Thu vivt,.> of tbe old priest was sleru I* he lepllttl to li t* iiuptliiou* wothrtn • • M , sou •).falls Hull, and falsehood tie Is young, in.l has the lianas ol lite lie Mountain all , U u. Oil., ul . (11. wisdom ol t gods within I ffom •»" I ' bill ha "l" I «jts, and ISt mis, the iu tie. I ling slfs Upon hi* throne la |n t< e II tilt tuts not u| titii, , ju n,o tMseuiy at bit p hUi tint oni< ft >•« iht u i|, aud lb' wal kii.j m s.atiii t ee» I.w LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 1892. Priuce Nezahualcoyotl driven like the beiist from cave to tree. But at last he is the victor.. Ho gits on the throne of Tezcuco, and a maiden sits by his side. The face of the maiden is not the face of Tula." As the old priest continued ho fell into a rhythmical chant. He stretched his arms toward the setting sun, and as he ceased speaking the last ray of the orb of day fell aslant his upturned counte nance, lighting it with an almost divine radiance, until the listening prince stood awestruck and wondering. The ray of light faded away, and still they remained silent, wrapped in thought. At length the priest con tinued "My son, I have spoken truth. Thou shalt see it. Go I" The young man stood irresolute for a moment only, thou turned toward tlic city, while the priest entered the for est. " The judgment hall of the royal city was of such splendor and magnilicence that it would indeed seem strange in our day,when the temples of justice scattered over our laud are usually plain and un embellished by ornament of any descrip tion. On the walls hung tapestry, made of the hair of dilfereut wild animals, of rich and varied hue, festooned by gold rings, and embroidered with figures of birds and flowers. At one end of the hall was a throne of pure gold, inlaid with precious stones, above which was a canopy of variegated plumage, gleaming with gold and jewels. On a stool in front was placed a human skull,crowned with an immense emerald of a pyramidal form, and surmounted by an aigrette of brilliant plumes and precious stones. On the day following the young Prince's interview with Iluitzil the priest,jii3t as the sun reached the merid ian, the sound of the tomtom was heard, calling the lords to the hall of judg ment. Soon they entered the outer or lesser hall, where they arranged themsolves in the order of their rank. They were a noblo looking baud of men, fourteen in number, all wearing the gold and silver cuirass, the cloak of rich featherwork and the silver helmet which proclaimed them to be the great lords of the realm, the highest in rank in the court of the Tczcucan monarch. When all had assembled the King, Nczhualcoiotzin, was announced by a messenger, and preseutly the monarch entered,clothed in his robes of state,and preceded by a band of thirteen priests. Leading the way into the judgment hall, the King took his seat on the throne, placed a golden crown, eucrusted with precious stones, upon his head, and took in his right hand as a sceptre a golden arrow. From the gravo faces of the lords it was cvidcut that the case on which sen tence was to be given was one of import ance. Silence was over the assembly uutil Iluitzil stepped forward from among the priests. Placing his right hand over his heart, he tuade a low bow to the King and then spake: ".Most noble and illustrious Nezahual coiotziu, thou who ruleat over all Anahu ac, know that under the forces of thy arm and the terror of thy might there is no Nation left to withstand thee. The captives are few, and the terrible lluitzilopochtli is a-hungered. Alrea ly is his face clouded wiien he looks upou Tezcuco. Mis feists are no longer red with the blood of many captives, and his anger has arisen. But, O King, the terrible and mighty war god spake to thy servant Iluitzil face to face, and for one little sacrifice will his anger be ban ished. The god of gods, lluitzilopoch tli, great and teirible, commands that '.lie most favored maiden of Tezcuco be ottered on the altar of sacrifice on the tenth day hence, and the lot has fallen upon Tula. Thus shall his wrath pass over the head of the King aud be kin dled against his enemies. The prophet of the gods has spoken." The priest retired, and from the ranks of the noblel ciine the youugest of all, the Prince Nezahualcoyotl. With u profound bow he advanced to where the priest had stood, aud waiting iu silence uutil the in march commanded. "Speak 1" Then, amid the most respectful si lence, the prince began: "Most noble sire, thou who art iu very truth my father, many day* ago thy sou, the priuce, hunted iu the forest, t here found I the maiden Tula iu the hands of tliine enemies, the robbers of Tepaneco, who would have borne her away to their haunts. 1 rescued htr aud carrie 1 her back to her home iu the roy. al city. Aud I loved the maiden, aud we plighted our truth when the moon was high over the fige mountain. And new, O my father, would the priest ol the terrible (|"d take the maiden I'u'.a as a sacrifice. Other maidens there ate. fair to see, and highly favored; their breath it* the aepher of the south, their skiu white as the lily of the lake, their OOUUtcuaocu of IJiuUtlcoall. •' my father, is there uoou who may be offered out Tul»f" \\ ah Idu ring steps the youug mau reined, ovcicume with emotion. 'hi the tact, of the notiles was written iiity an I • yuipath}, but the priests looked naughty aud tiiumphaul, It cling confident tltal the monarch would not Oppose the will of the gods. In silent c they % waited the decision of the King, The law of |Vs<*uekus al low* d a plea and couuterplea only within the hall of judguieut, ~|| other evidence or argument havm; been heard pre Viu«ly iu an 'fher place. Tl loss the emblem ami lite deud was lots#. I tte maiden I ula | »i sot'j left the bait as lb«| he i entered, the King leading, followed bj the priests and the nobles. The royal city was all bustle and life. Multitudes of gayly clad pedestrians thronged its streets. It was a day of sac rifice. Towering high above all other build ings rose the sacrificial tower of the god lluitzilopochtli, in order that tbe im pressive ceremonies in honor of the deity might be witnessed from all parts of the capital. Along one the principal streets passed tho procession of priests with tho vic tim, Tula, the bethrothed of the young Prince. And it was no wonder that tho heart of tho youthful warrior succumbed to the charms of the gentle Tezcucan. Of a type of beauty long since extinct in Mexico, in her the beauty of the south land was united with the ruddy, robust character of the north. Her dark eyes sparkled like twin stars; licr luxuriant nut brown tresses fell in waves almost to her feet. Clad in the sacrificial robes of pure white, with bare head and feet, her ravishing beauty would havo sufficed to turn the head of even the most blase of modern gallants. By her side walked the Prince, for by tho earnest entreaty of the old King he had been granted that privilege by the priests. Pale and sorrowful he was, and clad only in the plaiuost of garments. For what signifies gaudy apparel aud out ward splendor when the loved one is in danger? Just as the sun pausod in the heavens at the midday hour, the chief priest and the maiden commenced to ascend the stairway that led to the altar at the sum mit of the tower. Around the altar stood five other priests, whoso duty it was to hold tho victim fast while the chief priest performed his horrible work. In a lonu;, passionate chant-like prayer the old priest invoked the blessing of the terrible war god, beseeching that his wrath might be turned away, in consid eration of tho sacrifice about to be made. For full half an hour the invocation con tinued, and ere it closed a low murmur burst from the lips of the assembled mul titudes below. There was good reason, too, for the surprise aud consternation of the people, for halfway up the side of the tower, where none but the priesthood aud the victims had ever yet dared to tread, could bo seen the young Prince Neza hualcoyotl, swiftly and stealthily mount ing to the summit. In his right hand he grasped a light golden dart; by his side liuug a curiously wrought sword, inlaid with gold and precious stones,and 011 his face was a look of determination which boded ill to any one who might oppose him. The prayer was ended. The chief priest Iluitzil advanced to consummate the sacrifice,when sutldenly he threw up his huuds and fell, pierced to the heart with a goldeu dart. Then the people witnessed a sight such as they had never seen before. Ere the astonished priests could comprehend what had occurred, the Prince had leaped up beside the altar and slew all live with the sword. Then he sprang to the edge of tho tower, after reassuring the trembling maiden,and his tones rang out clear aud strong as he thus addressed the people: "Men of Tezcuco, this day ye have witnessed a deed that shall bo for the glory of the true gods and the good of our uatiou. This day has tho false priest been slain by the arrow of tho gods which only pierces the heart of him who speaks with a crooked tongue and a deceiving spirit. This day have the five priests of the altar been slain by the sword of Quetzalcoatll" lie raised tho gleaming blade aloft, still dripping with the blood of its vic tims; the sight of the sacred trophy was tho signal for a mighty shout from the listening populace. Then ho continued: "Hear the commands of Quetzalcoatl, the true god, who reigned ill the golden age of Anahuac! Thus saith the god: No more shall otlcriugs of maidens bo made to tho gods of Tezcuco. No more shall the terrible war god be feared ami worshiped, for the day of his power is passed, and peace shall again spread her pinions over tho royal city. This day shall tho maiden Tula become tho wife of the Prince 'Nezahualcoyoti, ami the temple of lluitzilopuehtli shall be laid waste. The messenger of the true god, even tho messenger of Ijuetzalcoatl, has spoken." Then turning to Tula he raited her to her feet, aud with their arms twiued arouu 1 etch other they descended tho narrow stairway, to be receive I with re joicing by the people. llow the old was shortly after ward »lain iu a battle with thu Tupauecs, aud how the Prince Nc&thualcoyoli ou ksceuditig the thruuu completely ban ished the worship of lluiuilopochtli, aud how upward of forty years ho cou ducted thu most peaceful and prosper, mis reigu ever kuuwn during the hislory of the rescueaua a* i nation,am matters of history. Duriug hi* reigu human sac rilii'u wa> greatly levelled, althou ili not uutil alter the coutiueslof Mexico by thu riitauiards, about iii O year* afterward, was it eutireiy abolished. Wavertey .Magasiitc, t tVarlulug tiirl. X lady wi.liug in the British Medical loui'tial ssys that the receutly hear.l a young girl of fourict i» year* "whistle," as her people c tiled it, but "warbie" it really wits, for site k pt hertuoulli slightly opt ui kltd the lipt uerely trembled, tilt utile* belug lormetl In thu throat, the tintru of it wurkttg as a bird's doe* when *iugiug, aud the sounds produced weie t «telly liku thi«! ol liiki It birds kud (lirUthus, »*he waiblu.l several an* Iu pisutilorle at couipsuliuent* laullleasly aud most beautiful y modulated, kud so powiilul weie the itiltta lltsl hei grau l» mot Iter, woo wa* enussively deal, could t alt h every oue kiihuul lite siightevt elltiii iu another tunis, a little distant u oil. Iu tlie sttute iwhh suiue holes were dt a'euiug w lie it the poineil I hem uul al the lulle |.at*. |u I*» ti |( had J.iti'i.mb luhaoitaul*. it*a it no* Terms—sl.oo in Advance; 51.25 after Three Months. SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL. Pure butter may contain ten per cent, of water. A lead mine which yields almost pure lead has been discovered at Turner, Me. Morgan County, Missouri, it is said, furnishes the best fire-brick clay in the world. Professor Calvin, of the Stato Uni versity has been choseu as lowa's State Geologist to conduct a new survey. Tests recently made at Cornell Uni versity, Ithaca, N. Y., show that alumi nium has no very marked influence upou the magnetic conductivity of cast iron, but slightly decreases its permeability. The strawberry plant seems to possess an amount of intelligence. It will in variably run its shoots in the direction of ground which contains a maximum amount of nutriment, and will never grow its runners towards a barren or sandy spot. There are in southwestern Missouri many openings in the earth, which are called "blow holes" and "cold caves," from which issues a cold blast of air. A local theory is that the temperature of these places is reduced by the enormous deposit of ammonia, caused by the pres ence of bats. Pieces of iron which can be set up in the form of a rudimentary steam engine were recently found, together with a Latin treatise on steam as a force, in an iron chest, dug up near Helsingfors. This extraordinary archieologicai find is supposed to date from tho first half of the twelfth century. Shooting-stars are small bodies weigh ing at most a few pounds and consisting mainly of iron and carbon. They trav erse space in swarms and also revolve around the sun in long elliptical courses like comets. Their brightness is due to heat engendered by tho energy of their motion. Their speed is enormous, be ing nearly twice as great as the speed of the earth on its orbit. The installation of a 4000-ton hy draulic press in the St. Jacques iron works at Moutlucon, France, serves to mark the progress of an innovation iu forging works. Tho substitution of hy draulic presses for powerful steam ham mers for the forging of large masses of steel has for some time been steadily ou the increase. It is found that the work of the press is more regular, homogene ous and rapid, and that the press costs much legs to iustall than the steam ham mer. '4 It is said that ravens often rcadi tho age of a hundred years. Ducks and cuckoos are likewise very long lived. Magpies, which live to a very advanced age at liberty, do not exceed twenty five years iu the confinement of a cage. It is not rare to see domestic cocks of fif teen yeuis, and with care thoy reach twenty. The limit of the existence of pigeons is ten years; the smallest species live from eight to eighteen years. Night ingales will not endure more than ten years of captivity. Canaries reared in a cage live twelve or fifteen years, but in their native islands they reach au age of several dozen years. Richest Jewel in the British Crown. India, as a part of tho British Empire, forms the richest jewel in the crown of Queen Victoria. The dazzling beauty of the Koh-i-Nur diamond well represents the glory of the Indian Empire. Exclud ing Burmah, it covers a territory of 1,- 378,04-t square miles, with a population of 285,000,000. Of this territory over 500,000 square miles are under native rulers subject to the English as tho para mount power. The larger native States or territoiics are nine in number: Haj putaua, Central India, the Mahratta States, Hyderabad, Mysor, Travankor, Nepal, Kashmir and tbe Mohammedan States of the Panjab ami Sindh. The Viirious native States, including the minor principalities, number nearly 500. Some of these chiefs wield great politi cal influence. TheNizaiuof Hyderabad controls 11,000,000, of people aud main tains au army of 50,000 meu. The Haja ol Gwalior governs 3,000,000 and has an army of 22,000 soldiers. The Kaja Holkar controls half a million peo ple, having an army of 8500 men.— Chicago Graphic. Oddities About the River Nile. The Nile has but a fall of six inches to the thoUMiud utiles I Tho overflow commences iu June every year aud con tinues uutil August, attaining au eleva tion of from tweuty-four to twenty-six feet above low-water inar't, anil tlowiuo through the "Valley of Egypt" in a turbulent body twelvii miles wide. Duriug thu last thousand snrs there has been but one sudden rise ot tho Nile, that of 182'.', when 110,000 people were drowned. After the waters recede each year the exhalations from the mud are simply iutolerablu to all except natives. Thi* mud deposit atlds about eight iuclies to thu soil every century, aud throw* u iuii Idy embanknieut from twelvo to six* teuii feet iuto the sea every year. This being the case it is plain that the mouth of thu river is thousands of feel further north uow than it was iu thu time of the Ptolemies, uutl it is ouly a question of tune when the sediment will ilialle a da n tuliruly acrovt the Mcdiierraucau Sea. An Meclriu Uailt Cabinet. An electric balh-cabiuet made by a Western manufacturer is of the u>u tl sue of vapor baths, Willi a lid euclosiug the body completely, except the bead, which is exp tid. Electric lamps are distributed arotiud the body ul the patient, being I in groups of iourlieu ami operated by a separate switch lot < teh gioup. About sixty lamp* ol sis lee u caudle poartir are use I in the bath. The sides of thu iuleiioi it thu cabinet ait li.n St I l>y polished en kei to uivt. redticiive p iwei. t'hu tilled ul the strong light U Ui blown thu skiu a* II ll hail I'tioti vxptised to the sun The combined cite. I* ul the electric aud v tpoi bath aitt said lu lie without Hoi usual depressing udect* of the V*|Mf It ttu aloii., in In', h.vtug au ujqutiu tiUvl."-~Avw I"lit i'utl. NO. 40. X SONG OF NEED. When you shall dwell in Tranquil land, Where sweet the summers be. Lean in the light and kiss your hand. And kiss your hand to me. For I, who dwell in Lonely land. By that sweet sign shall see That Love to you Is kind and grand— So kiss your hand to me. When you shall dwell in Midnight land, Where tears and moanings be. Fold on your heart the unkissed haud And sigh your soul to me. And I, though lost in Lonely land, W ill send an answer true, And groping blindly for your hand. Creep in the dark to you! —F. L. Stanton, in Atlanta Constitution. HUMOR OF THE DAY. "Hard lines," said Mr. Flunkor, when he couldn't translate a passage in Homer.—Yale Record. "Hullo, Bronson! You look hot. How did you get in that condition?'' "Open ing a car window to cool oil."—Harper's Bazar. Jagson says it is strange nobody ever finds out what the wild waves arc saying although ever so many goto sea.—Elmira Gazette. "Miss Budd is a very sharp girl." "Yes, indeed. I guess that is why she cuts so many of her acquaintances."— The Club. There is never so much excitement when a man begins to smell a rat as when a woman first sees a mouse.—Philadel phia Times. "I felt so Cheap during the ceremony," confessed the bride to her dearest friend. "Why, my dear?'' "Hecauso pa gave me away."—Detroit Fiee Press. "Do you believe all you see, Hicks?" "No. I see you whenever we meet, but I don't believe you more than a tenth of the time."—Brooklyn Life. A woman will tight her relatives any time for her lover, and when he becomes her husband will work him any day tor her relatives.—Atchison Globe. He treated mo coldly last night. And yet I*tn not mad, as 'twould seem. For his treatment 1 hailed with delight— He bought me six plates of ice-cream! —Boston News. Said the lecturer— "The roads up these mountains are too steep and rocky for even a donkey to climb; therefore, I did not attempt the ascent."—Boston Transcript. Amy—"Has he ever loved any other girl before?" Mabel—"No; that doesn't worry me. What I want to know is if ho will love any other girl in the future." —Harper's Bazar. "What! Do you dine in that fourth rate place?" "Only when lam not hunyry. What is the use of wasting good food on a poor appetite!"—ln dianapolis Journal. "Do you know Widdiken's widow?" "Oh, yes." "I hear she is going to cou test the old man's will." "I don't won der at all. She always did whenhe was alive!"— Chicago News. "Do you think that truth is stranger than fiction?" "I don't know," replied the cautious man; "when some people that I know get through with it, gener ally seems to be."—Washington Star. She—"How did you and Tom Hill 3 w happen to get married, Blanche?'' Blanche—"We were both single, you know?" "Yes?" "Well, we married to get even."—Smith & Gray's Monthly. She (to Cousin George, who has just re turned from the tropics)—"Oh, 4 George, dear, how kind of you to bring me this dear little monkey! How thoughtful you are! But—but—it's just like you!"— Funny Folks. First Student—"How did you get on in your examination?'' Second Student "Badly! And to add insult to injury one of the professors was hard of hear ing, so that I had to repeat in a very loud tone everything I did not know."— Fliegende Ulaetter. "Do you kill the germs in the hydrant water, ma'am?" queried the family phy siciau. "Vcs, ( try to, doctor." "You boil the water, 1 suppose." "Not now, doctor; it's so thick we bake it!"— Ch icago News-Kecord. Wells—"l hear that stingy old Grib gold has really married a shop girl." Uriggs—"Yes, but everybody knows that he never would have fallen in love with her it he hadn't found her at the five-cent couuter."—Chicago Inter- Ocean. Miss Irene Kersmith, (in raptures) O, she plays (hat Beethoven symphony so beautifully I" Liula Johnny Ker siuith—"ls it a hard piece to play!" "llush, Johutiy ! Yes; its very difH cult." "is that why she's ioaklu' all them ugly faces at It!" Chicago l'ri buue. A comedy scene followed the third act of a tragedy at a theatre iu an Kugltsh provincial towu. The villain had met hi* death, aud the curtain was lowered, but hung tluee leet above the stage. All effort* to lower it ptove I unavailing until the coriMMS arose fro.u the stage aud said, in sepulchral tones, a* h>' dragged down the curtain, "No lest, evcu iu the Urrravel" A highly humorous legend it apjten lei to a iiiagulficeiit drawing by Itaflef. It was duriug the la*t war iu Italy; a group of French Grenadiers ate ratupiug round a lite that is being put out by th« raiu, which falls iu torrents. Au old Sergeant, with au air of gruu satisfac lion, rub* Ills haud* aud eiulatusi "Won't thoku Austlisna e-miu IU for a dreuchiug I" I. I'etit Parisian. KIHII— "Itid Uuoiji play ftothall while he was at college!" Maul —"No, I dou't think he U**ei%li." Mind —-"lie nave* said anything about it, I'ut pietty suit) he didn't, liWMtglt 1,111. •» fuel's nit Msud 1 *Hhyl" KMt« "Heiia in I hu*i