SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. X.
China's Emperor has got tired of
counting with the abacus and is now
■studying English arithmetic.
A New York preacher, who preaches
•nmong the most ignorant of the city's
population, employs many devices to en
force his meaning—using rats, frogs,
pumps, snakes, electricity, aud chemicals
iD object sermons.
The Australian city of Melbourne,
•which was founded less than fifty years
■ago, has already a population of nearly
lialf a million, and stands fifth among
the cities of the British empire. It is
now a great shipping port, and its slum
quarter is small.
Slavery still exists in Portuguese In
dia. A Brahmin, at Ivalloda, possesses
a village of thirty-two hut, where every
soul is as truly his slave and property as
in the olden days; and recently h Portu
guese, traveling from Goa, spoke openly
of the slaves on his estate.
No colors can be "nailed to the mast
head" of a new steel warship. Doubt
less, suggests the Chicago Herald , Sec
retary Tracy and Clark Uussell and the
gallant jack tars of naval tradition may
feel one pang of regret at this impenetra
bility of a metallic mast. Fortunately
the metallic bulwarks are equally inpene
ablc.
Aconite seems to be the favorite poison
of physicians who seek to take their lives.
The death by this means of Dr. Doug
lass, in Kansas City, Mo., will recall to
the memory of newspaper readers the
fact that within the last six months there
have been four or five cases reported of
medical men who have committed suicide
by the use of this same drug.
A curious fact revealed by the figures
of the recent census is that while there
are in the United States three cities of
over 1,000,000 inhabitants each, one of
between SOO,OOO aud 900,000, three of
between 400,000 and 500,000 each, and
nine of between 200 000 and 300,000
each, there is not a single one having be
tween 300,000 and 400,000 inhabitants.
In all Madagascar no secretary, clerk,
nrtisan, soldier or civilian serving the
Government in whatever capacity (with
the exception of a trilling percentage re
ceived by some of the Governors of dis
tricts) is paid or even fed by the State.
"The CJueen honors them by employing
them" (so the official euphemism runs),
and they must feed and clothe them
selves.
According to the Boston Cultivator
the wood cutters of England strongly
object to the methods of the Salvation
Army in interfering in their business.
One of the avocations to which General
Booth has assigned a part of the outcasts
and unfortunates he is reclaiming is that
of wood cutters. The enterprise, backed
np by benevolent contributions, hits been
extremely successful, so that General
Booth is now one of the largest wood
merchants of London. He is, of course,
able to undersell those with smaller cap
ital who have no one to set them up in
business. AVhat is needed for England
is not greater competition, for it is that
which has overthrown them. They need
a country where competition is less
fierce and the chances of success for small
capitalists are greater.
An American boatbuilder who has just
built a small steamboat for the Magda
lene River, in the United States of Co
lombia, says "They get §2.50 per 100
for freight 380 miles, and S6O for pas
sengers, $lO extra if they take a room.
But there is hnrdiy one who wauts a
room. They all carry their bed with
them. It consists of a straw mat. You
will see them come aboard with beds un
der their arms. Along this river there
is some very tine land. Everything
grows without aid. They never plow 1
or hoe, but just put these.d in the
ground and go oil and leave it till it gets
ripe. They can raise throe crops of corn
h year, aud fine potatoes. Vegetation of
every kind grows the vear round. The
climate is just the same, never varies
more than ten degrees It is now sev
enty-five degrees. Mosquitoes and alli
gators are plentiful on the river. It is
amusing to see the monkeys piaying on
the trees as we pass, and the alligators
plunging into the water. There is no
system about boating down here. They
are never in a hurry and take no care of
anything. If they had a full crow of our
steamtioatmen they would get rich in a
short time."
dreaming of homes.
It oomes to me often in silence.
When the Are light sputters low-
When the black uncertain shadows
Seem wraiths of the long ago;
Always with a throb of heartache
That thrills each pulsive vein,
Comes the old, unquiet longing,
For the peace of home again.
I'm sick of the roar of cities,
And of faces cold and strange;
I know where there's warmth of welcome,
And my yearning fancies range
Back to the dear old homestead,
With an aching sense of pain,
But there'll be joy in tho coming.
When I go home again.
When I go home again! there's music
That never may die away,
And it seems the hands of angels.
On a mystic harp, at play.
Have touched with a yearning sadness
On a beautiful broken strain,
To which is my fond heart wording—
When I go home again.
Outside of my darkening window
Is the great world's crash and din,
And slowly the autumn shadows
Come drifting, drifting in.
Sobbing, the night wind murmurs
To the splash of the autumn rain;
But I dream of the glorious greating
When I go home again.
—Eugene Field, in Chicago Neivs.
A WEDDING PRESENT,
BY CLARENCE C. CONVERSE.
AC K BROW
NELL and Hugh
Morris, two chums
of miue,and I were
roughing it West.
The camp wo had
selected for our
headquarters was
far up in the wild
, est part of Colora
-4 i do, and only num
f ' '.JfMj bered a baker's
LA dozen of old, al-
B , | most tumble-down
=-_.i (112 Ijgßli. 1 log cabins. They
Mi we r e stretched
7* If flg9 x| P along the eastern
AU lh »Vw 'A U edge of a deep fnd
i ii' P' ctur esque ravine
J *l\ a ' on K whose base its
hi» \ 81u r d ? denizens
1 V V their glooray-
™ looking shafts. Our
cabin stood a little removed from its
neighbors, up the ravine. The view from
its doorstep was magnificent. The rug
ged peaks of tall mountains towered at
the west, forming an admirable frame
for its grand sunsets; at the east lay in
viting green valleys broken by oddly
winding passes, while here and there
rose slighter peaks in fine contrast with
theit emerald beauty.
We sat about the doorstep oce night
reading the mail the stage had just
brought. I had two letters, Jack and
Hughes, each one. Hugh finished his
first, and when i had read mine I saw he
was regarding Jack with apparent in
terest and amusement.
Jack's face was brightening more and
more, every word he read of his dainty,
•cented little message. He was a hand
some fellow then. His head was crowned
with wavy, golden hair; he wore no
beard, his eyes were large, dark brown,
and his build was almost faultless.
"Is it from Dresden?" finally ventured
Hugh. Jack nodded. We smiled.
Then he turned one of the leaves nearly
upside dowu and kept on reading. The
next page, too, had writing up its side,
as we told by his tilting it; but that was
the end, and he exclaimed;
"Boys, I am the happiest fellow in the
glorious United States! Do youcouTatu
lat. me?"
"I never knew you two cared for each
other," cried Hugh, jumping at the con
clusion Jack's words hinted. "And
now you say you are open to congratula
lons! Do you really mean it?"
I also stammered something, I forgot
just what.
"Yes, the heart of stern Papa Hastings
was melted by my fervid supplications,"
cried Jack, tossing his hat into the air,
boyishly. "Now you two know the
secret reason why I have lost ten pounds
avoirdupois in the last three weeks. It
was not my climbing these perpendicular
hillsides. The old ogre wanted to forco
Belle into marrying some lout of a lord j
over there. It is a wonder I have not !
gone stark, staring road."
no opened the little billet-dcux aud |
read: " 'His name is Claverhouse, and I
he has two or more castles, and is one ol
les immortelles, and papa likes him
hugely, but I put my foot down against
marrying him. I woukl rather my—' "
Jack stopped there, blushing hotly,
and decided not to read further.
I feel as good as I would if I happened j
onto a ton of gold up in the hills," he
exclaimed. "If we were in New York
I would take you fellows down to Dcl's
and give you the best supper he could
serve."
"But as we arc not?" queried Hugh.
"Come in and burn a pipeful of boot
top tobacco with me," ho laughingly ex
claimed.
He gayly led the way into our little
cabin as he spoke, and soon we were sit
ting around the shaky table puffing our
corncobs and chatting merrily about
Jack's good news, a cloud of blue smoke
hanging over our heads.
"Somehow this subject suggests one I
have intended to broach three or four
times before," said Hugh, after a while.
"Noj it isn't anything like Jack's aa
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 19, 1892.
nouncement," he added, as we started to
jcke him.
Slowly he knocked the ashe3 from his
pipe by striking it against thfl edge of
the table, and then tilted his box—that
cabin had never known a chair—gainst
the wall, fie had an unruly mustar-he,
and he tugged at it as he said:
"Monti."
"What of Monti?" asked Jack.
"I am afraid ho will do some mis
chief before we leave here."
"Nonsense," insisted Jack. "He is
as reliable as any greaser."
"I hardly like his looks," I acknowl
edged. "You remember I advised not
hiring him, at the first. I think we
should get rid of him."
"But I am learning a lot of Spanish
from him," exclaimed Jack. "And we
three athletes need hardly fear one thin
greaser, who appears as weak as the pro
verbial cat."
"I have heard you say 'si senor' once
or twice," twitted Hugh. "I hardly
think you will gain a hoard of knowl
edge fiom Monti, and I say with Cad,
get rid of him. You are likely never to
see Belle Hastings again if you don't; I
run a chance of never putting foot on
Broadway, and Cad the same. Shall we
give him his walking papers when he
appears to-morrow?"
"No, no," pleaded Jack, "I rather
like him, too, for his Castilian airs. We
have weapons. Let us keep him. That
he is useful you cannot deny."
We finally <ravc up arguing with Jack,
and let the matter drop. Monti's ser
vices were not dispensed with the next
day. lie continued to tutor Jack in
Spanish, carry our packs when we made
our little excursions thereabouts, and to
religiously collect his pay at eventide
! each day.
! Thus did a week slip by. On one of
j our rambles during that time, we came
i upon a fissure in a ravine's rocky side,
j where we thought gold might be found.
It lay about two miles east of the camp
j in a little bit of tiinberland.
We had worked a day or so in the
| shafts sunk by the miners of the camp,
for the novelty of the experience, and
' when we discovered this opening, one
j of us suggested that we put a blast in it
j and see if we could lay bare any veins of
; precious metal. The proposition was
received with favor, and we settled on a
day for the experiment,
j On the morning of that day, we set
out for the promising spot, Monti carry
ing a can of powder and other accessories
; for the blast. Hugh and I took our guns
| with us. We reached the spot in abojit
an hour and a half. Then Monti dropped
his load at the edge of the fissure, and
we started to prepare the blast. But our
I drill was missing. It had either slipped
| from Monti's load or been left behind.
"Monti," said Hugh disgustedly, "get
back to the cabin, as quick as your thin
shanks will carry you, and bring a drill.
Look along the ground, too, as you go
—you may find ours dropped by some
stone."
"Si, senor," the fellow returned.
"We will take a little rundown the
ravine for game while you are goue—
hey, Cad?" Hugh added.
"All right," I exclaimed.
"And I will try a snooze here, mean
while," said Jack.
He stretched himself lazily upon a
mossy knoll as he spoke, threw his coat
over the powder keg for a pillow, and
pulled at his corncob contentedly. It
was a pleasant spot for a nap. A stunted
little maple gave him shade; the stream
flowing through the rocks, ten feet dis
tant, saug a melodious, sleepinducing
lullaby.
"I should have bad dreams with such
a head-rest" said Hugh looking down at
Jack's blond locks and smiling face.
"And I, too, senor," added Monti.
"You won't forget to put that pipe
out?"
"Oh, no," laughed Jack.
We separated then. Monti hurried
of! toward the cabin and Hugh and I
walked up the ravine.
"If we get anything out of that hole
in the wall, what do you say making it
into a wedding present lor Belle lias
tings?" asked Hugh,-as we went on.
"A first-class idea?" I exclaimed.
"It may be a gorgeous dinner set."
"Or a glove buttoner."
"Yes," laughed Hugh.
We went ou a little further, and our
way was finally barred by a steep ascent.
I proposed that we return to Jack.
Hugh was willing and we retraced our
steps.
We said little. Each was on the alert
for game. A rabbit would make a very
acceptable stew, but not a single cotton
tail crossed our path. Hugh tugged at
his refractory mustache spitefully in his
disappointment as he preceded me.
A walk of ten minutes brought us to
the bend in the ravine where Jack
awaited us. When we turned it we be
held a tableau I shall long remember
Jack lay sleeping quietly and over
him bent the pauther-like form of Monti.
The greaser's sallow face bore a fiendish
smile. He rested ou one knee, and in
his right hand he held a burning match.
Ho had not heard our approach, and he
was on the point of applying the match
to a bit of fuse he had inserted in tho
stopper of tho powder keg ou which
Jack's head rested.
Hugh throw bis rifle to his shoulder
and pulled the triggor. Monti sprang
back and fell with a low groau. I would
have fired if I had not just unloaded my
weapon. Jack started up aud looked
about him in surprise.
"Your Spanish professor was*getting
a little too officious" exclaimed Hugh
| grimly, to him, as we came forward, and
he told Jack of what wn had caught
Monti at, while I made sure that the
treacherous villain's match had not ig
nited the fuse.
"What's up here?" cried one of three
men, from the camp, coming upon us
just then. "We heard a shot."
Monti lay groaning and cursing by the
maple's roots, and crying out that we
had tried to murder him. So I told
them the facts of the case; and Jack's
pocket-book which fell from Monti's
pocket confirmed our suspicion that
Monti intended to rob Jack aud have the
powder explosion cover his crime. The
miners listened attentively to tho ex
planation, and then one of them seized
the wounded greaser aud started oil
campward, beckoning for his compan
ions to follow, which they did, after a
"Good by, gents," to us.
"A miss is as good as a mile," cried
Jack, shortly, picking up the drill Monti
had brought while we were away. "Now
for our gold mine."
"You will not engage another Spanish
instructor?" queried Hugh.
"Not if I live to be a hundred!" re
turned Jack determinedly attacking tho
rock, with an extra vim. "I once was
foolish enough to think only the story
; book greaser was a villain. Now I
place no reliance on one of them."
We drilled and blasted the rest of tho
day, and that rock-pocket yielded
enough gold for a really massive solid
table-set for a present to Belle Hastings.
Yankee lilade. .
The Utilization of Niagara.
It is quite likely that the first large
contract the company will take for the
delivery of power at a distance from its
central station will be to light the city
of Buffalo. This will require 3000 horse
power. Tho present value of a horse
power generated from steam in Buffalo
is $35 per annum. The company is now
willing to contract to furnish o: its
grounds at Niagara Falls horse p >wer
per annum of twenty-four-hour da\s at
these rates: For 5000 horse power. $lO
per horse power; for 4500, $10.50; for
4000, $11; and so on down to 300 horse
power, for which there will be charged
s2l per horse power per annum. If
there be not ti very great loss of power
in the transmission to Buffalo, it seams
very likely that the company will have
no difficulty in underbidding auy con
cern now using steam as tho motive
power for the electric lights, as tho loss
by transmission is considerably less than
twenty per cent. About ti.o. m.of
water power of the great falls in Buffalo
within a year or so there can be no
doubt. When it shall be brought to
New York is another matter, but about
that there are not so many elements of
improbability as to excite men to scoff,
for power has already been transmitted
electrically a great distance, and that
too with reasonable economy. At the
recently held electrical exposition at
Frankfort-on-the-Main, power to operate
some of the machinery was transmitted
by electricity from Lauffen-on-the-
Neckar, a distance of 10S miles. At
Lauffen there was a waterfall from which
a turbine was opened, and a dynamo on
the shaft of the turbine generated the
current which was transmitted to Frank
fort over a wire one-sixth of an inch in
diameter. It was found here that the
losqin transmission was only twenty-five
per ceut. Therefore it is likely that tho
power can be transmitted four times the
distance without a loss so great as to
make the scheme impracticable. When
it does reach the great city, and by the
water which leaves its natural channel
for a brief space in the Niagara River,
our streets lighted, our factories run,the
machine of the seamstress .kept in motion,
and the very drill the dentist uses to
bore our teeth impelled by it, then we
shall more than ever feel that around the
earth has been placed a girdle, a living
belt that throbs and pulsates at the
bidding of science, an encircling band
rich in the potentialities of mighty but
well regulated movement.— Harpn-'s
Weekly.
Fee of §2OO for Advice of One Word.
Not long ago Mr. Morris Butler, sor.
of John M. Butler, who had just arrived
home from an evening party at 2 o'clock
in the morning, heard a carriage drive
up to the house, and a moment later an
swered a ring at the doorbell. A young
man of handsome face and energetic
manner blurted out without ceremony:
"What States can cousins legally mar
ry in?"
"I don't know," said Mr. Butler, a?
soon as lie could recover from the ef
fects of his visitor's bluntness, "but 1
will ask father."
He went up stairs and, after much
knocking, aroused his father.
"Father," said he, "what States can
cousins legally mairy in?"
"Kansas," was the single word in re
sponse, bet ween what sounded suspicious
ly !<kc snores.
Mr. Butler returned down stairs.
"Well, what does he say?" asked the
visitor.
"Kansas," replied young Mr. Butler,
laconically.
"Thank you 1" The door was closed
and the young visitor was gone.
Nothing further was thought of the
incident until yesterday's mail brought
Mr. Butler a certified check for S2OO for
"legal advice" from his hitherto uu.
known client. This is probably the
highest rate per word ever paid for legal
advice. It divides into SIOO per syllabi*
and $38.33 per letter.— lndianapolit
Nmet.
Terms—Sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
A cushion car wheel is new.
Germany stands at the front In elec
trical science.
German physicians report several cures
of whooping cough by inoculation.
A naturalist says that of all animals
the horse has the acutest sense of hear
ing.
The largest known moth is the Giant
At?os, a native of China, the wings of
which measure nine inches across.
The engines on the Manitou and Piko's
Peak Railroad are reported to have suc
cessfully used crude Colorado petroleum
for fuel.
There is a very strong flow of natural
gas in the bed cf the river about three
miles from Ventura, Cal. A lighted
match will set tire to a space six or eight
feet in diameter.
A careful examination of the aqueous
humor of the eyes of cattle will determine
whether they are suffering from tubercle
or not. The bacilli will be found there
in all cases where the disfase exists.
The word knot, signifying a certain
distance over water, is one-sixtieth of a
mean degree of tho earth's meridian,
which in figures is (5,076,818 feet, 2025.6
yards, or one mile and 26.56 yards.
A new railway is projected on which,
instead of trains, single cars of great
length will be propelled by electricity
supplied to them through the rails. The
speed to be attained is from 120 to 150
miles per hour.
In order to prevent the accidents that
so often occur when life-boats are
lowered from the sides of a ship there
h-is been invented a raft that supports
the boat, and from which it is launched
upon reaching the water.
Many savage tribes constantly use
without harm the flesh of animals killed
with poisoned weapons; and in recent
investigations with auimals killed by
various poisons—such as strychnine,
tartarized antimony and eserinc—the
flesh was found to be of unimpaired
flavor aud to produce no ill effects.
Professor R. L. Garner, the prominent
scientist of Washington, who has been
in consultation with Paul du Cliaillu,
the African traveler, in regard to his
proposed trip to study the languages of
monkeys, has entered into negotiations
with metal-working manufacturers at
Philadelphia for the construction of the
cage to be used in Africa.
In a new method of hardening plaster
of paris, communicated to the French
Academy of Sciences, the plaster is
mixed with one-sixth of its weight of
fine, freshly slaked lime, and used with
as little water as possible. When thor
oughly dry, it is treated with a solution
of either zinc sulphate or iron sulphate.
With the first, the color remains white,
while the second, by gradual oxidation,
yields the color of iion rust.
Dr. Maroy, the eminent French phys
iologist, has been studying the flight of
insects by photochronography, the ap
paratus used to obtain photographs
allowing exposures to be made so short
as 1-25,000 of a second. His observa
tions indicate that the wings of insects
in flight, by meetiug obliquely the re
sistance of tho air iu to-aud-fro move
ments, act in a very similar manner to
the sculls used to propel boats.
A method of recovering the gold and
silver waste of photographic processes
consists of suspending in the liquids
containing the metals iu solution a plate
of carbon attached to the positive pole of
a battery and a zinc plate connected
with tße negative pole, the two being
separated by about an inch and a half.
The closing of the circuit causes the
metal to bo precipitated to the bottom of
tho solution in the form of a black
deposit, which is dried aud reclaimed in
the form of metal by melting in a cru
cible.
Peculiar Fancies About Meat.
"It is funny what peculiar fancies
people have about meat," said a Union
Market butcher to the Man About
Town. "Now, most people think that
people who have plenty of money get all
the choice meat on the market, while
those who cannot afford to pay fancy
prices do not fare so well. Now, that
is not true, but the contrary is and the
reason is this, as a rule people who pay
fancy prices want a fancy looking piece
of meat and in order to get it we have
to waste a good deal in the cutting,aud,
of course, we do not propose to be the
losers by the transaction. Poor people
do not care for the looks of a piece of
meat and so, of course, there being no
wast a in cutting for them we give them
better meat at lower prices.— St. Louis
li'-public.
Bamboo Cuts Are Painful.
A cut inflicted with a blade of grass or
a sheet of writing paper is bad enough,
but the most disagreeable wound that
can be inflicted on the human body is
that made with a strip of bamboo. Tho
outside of the bamboo contains so much
silex that it will cut like a knife; in fact,
the Chinese and Japanese do make kuives
of it, which are cheap and for a time
tolerably effective. A cut made with
bamboo is exceedingly hard to heal and
obstinate ulcers are apt to result.
Whether the silex poisons the or
the bad consequence* aio due to the
ragged wound is not certain, but anybody
who has cut his finger with a bit of cane
or torn his hand on a fishing-rod will
have some idea of the im pleas ant effects
of a cut with a ba.nboo silver— Globt-
Democrat.
NO. 19.
AT TWENTY-ONE.
A minor yesterday.
To-day a man in years.
Shall I look far away,
Through telescopes of tears?
Or gaze with hopeful sight
Upon the rising sun.
Because its radiant light
Has crowned me twenty-one?
'Tis little that I know,
The past in vain I scan;
But I would wiser grow
And bo indeed a man.
The wisest of the wise,
A sad career may run.
If he alone relies
On "self" at twenty-one.
Be this a time to turn
A leaf in history;
With honest hands I'll earn
The bread of industry.
And storo my mind with thought
When daily tasks are done;
Thankful for lessons taught,
For I am twenty-one.
The banner at my mast,
Shall wear no stain of sin;
The lesson of the past
Is writ my heart within.
I hope for strength and grace,
The path of wrong to shun,
While I renew the race
Of life, at tv.snty-one.
—George W. Bungay, in the Argosy.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
There is no particular harm in riding
a hobby, if you (lo not take up the whole
road with it.
Bashtul young men ought to practice
sparking with dumb-bells. — Bingham•
ton Republican.
A cut from an incompetent tailor is
one of the saddest things that a social
aspirant has to bear.
The older the man grows, the less h<
is disposed to see how near he can skate
to a danger sign.— The Waterbury.
Husband—"Wo must economize."
Wife—"Well, dear, what do you want
me to give up."— New York Press.
It is quite natural with some men that
the thread of their narrative should be
come badly warped.— Columbus Post.
"Oh, yes, I often have to sit on the
jury," said the Supremo Court Judge, as
he administered a reprimand.— Life.
Silence is not golden for the poot
maiden who is dumb when a rich suitor
asks for her hind.— Morning Journal.
When a man starts out to reform hiin
self he has undertaken a job that -will
keep him busy for life.— Ham's Horn.
"Chef" this month has an article on
"Boiled Batters." "Roasted Umpires"
are more common.— Minneapolis Journal.
"Sweet is the bread of in iustry,"
It hath been sagely said.
And yet by loafing oft is made
The sweetest kind of bread.
—Chicago l'ribuno.
Bachelors are creatures who have con
sulted their female relatives before ven
turing on matrimony.— Milwaukee Tri
bune.
The trouble with "men of iron" is
that they are apt to get rusty without
knowing it —Bismarck for instance.—
Puck.
Looking too closely at a dollar doesn't
make it any biyyer, but it very often
makes the soul a good deal smaller.—
Ham's Horn.
"He stole a watch," said the police
man, referring to the prisoner. "Then
he shall do time," replied the judge.—
The Waterbury.
Little Sister (as she catches sight of
Chappie's chrysanthemum)—"Oh, look
there! Mr. Van has got sister's powder
puff in his button-hole."— Judgt.
Weary of Well Doing: Mother—
"Oscar, why can't you be a good boy?"
Wayward Four-Year-Old—"Mamma, it
makes me so tired."— Chicago Tribune.
Though legal usage does not will
That lawyers plead a special gear 111,
At court 't is common for them still
To have a lawsuit to appear in.
—Fv.ck.
"Is this a fast train?" asked the travel
ing man of the conductor. "Of course
itis,"wasthe reply. "I thought so.
Would you mind my getting out to see
what it is fast to? " — New York Sun.
Ambitious Author— I am
obliged to you tor not pulling my last
story all to pieces." Literary Editor—
"Not at all, Borus; I couldu't get hold
of the thread of it."— Chioujo Tribune.
"Arc you pretty well acquainted with
your mother tongue, my boy?" asked the
schoolteacher of the new scholar. "Yes,
sir," answered the lad timidly; "ma
jaws me a good deal, sir."— The Comic.
"There is oue great satisfaction I
have," remarked the tortoise as he drew
in his head and closed his house for the
night' "how ever much my social rivals
will hate me because I am 111 tho swim,
they can't stab me in the back."— Puck.
Mrs. B. "How is the contested-will
case coming on, Mr. Shimmer?" Mr.
Shimmer —"It's all settled and in my
favor." Mrs. B.—"I congratulate you.
[ suppose you'll soon be taking your family
to Europe?" Mr. Shimmer—"No; but
my lawyer is going to take his."—Brook
lyn Life.
Mrs. Jones—"My dear .Mrs. Smith,
how do you manage to keep your ser
vants? Mine are forever leaving me in
the lurch." Mrs. Smith—"lt is all in
the management cf them. I always ad
dress my cook as Miss Wilkins, aud ask
her every morning if she has any direc
tions to give me.— London Fiuaro.