SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. X.
The vital statistics of Michigan slow
that in that State, as in Massachusetts
and England, the most popular period
of the year for marriages is the fourth
quarter. -
Everybody knows the poem, "The
Old Oaken Bucket," but who knows the
grave of the author? It will be news to
most that Samuel Wood worth, the writei
of that piece of immortal verse, is buried
in San Francisco, Cal., but such is the
case.
The Duke of Leinster's country liouso
is said to have passed into the ownership
ot an Irish farmer who was formerly its
tenant, under the operation of the new
Irish land laws. This, recalls the Brook
lyn Citizen , is the building after which
the "White House, at Washington was
modeled.
The difference in character between
the people ol the various sections of
Brazil, a country about as big ns the
United States, are very marked. The
States south of the equator are indus
trious and enterprising, but the Northern
States, in which the heat is oppressive
and the means of life cin easily be got,
are languid and indolent. The natural
resources of the northern section of
Brazil surpass thoso of the southern sec
tion, and yet the southerners are more
prosperous that the northerners.
A French journalist has recently given
some curious informations about the
women who are tempted to steal and
who fall during thoir shopping expedi
tions. He says that in Paris no fewer
than four thousand women are caught
every year stealing before the counter.
The number of titled ladies seized with
kleptomania whilo examining tho fa.hions
is almost mcrediblo. Among tho most
recent culprits were a Russian princos3,
n French countess, an English duchess,
and tho dnughtcr of a reigning sovereign.
As a rule, theso more distinguished
offenders aro let off on the payment of a
round sum for tho relief of tho poor, and
when tho "shop-lifter is known to be
rich, tho sum..exacted rises to as much ns
ten thousand fraucs. The police nu
thorities.consent to this sort of condona
tion.
The Japanese Bureau of Agriculture is
to be represented at the World's Fair hy
the horses of Koyoshiama, the pigs of
Rinkiu, the Oshiki fowls, and many
other odd creatures that will add interest
to the exhibit. A lirm of Tokio florists
will send the flowers and dwarf trees of
the country in pots. The Yokohama
florists at a recant meeting voted to ex
pend the sum of *15,000 on their dis
play. The tobacconists of Southern Ja
pan will show samples of cut tobacco in
grotesque designs. A Mr. Morimura of
Tokio promises to exhibit gold aud silver
ware 3 and carvings of ivory and lacquer
goods of a value of $50,000. The Japan
Government will erect a model of the
ancient Fushimc Palace at a cost of $34,-
000 to show the quaint and richly elab
orate architecture of the early history of
Japan. The Japaueso amusemeut com
pauios will send over acrobats, conjurers,
and wrestlers, and young men and wo
men who paint pictures on fans and sell
them "while you wait." Altogether,
the Japanese Building promisos to excite
unusual interest among visitors to the
Fair.
The New Yiirk Post calls attention to
the evidence that "not only in western
Massachusetts, but even in Maine, tho
substitution of coal for wood as fuel has
gone so far as to make a perceptible dif
ference in the quantity of trees that
need to be cut every year. The same
story comes from other parts of New
England. In Now Hampshire an au
thority upon the subject says that coal is
fast taking the place of wood, even
in the kitchon of the farmhouse, and
that as a consequence cordwood is losing
ita value. What is still more important,
it is claimed that the lumbermen are
exercising moro judgment in their
methods of work. A partner in a Now
Hampshire company is quoted by the
Boston Herald as saying that by tho
methods now U3ed the timber will repro
duce itself faster than it is cut off.
Many of the largor companies have
adopted a plau of operation that forbids
tho cutting of trees girthing less than a
specified number of inches, and so tho
•'timbor tract" is kept good. One ele
ment in the change of system is tho fact
that the demand for cord-wood is dimin
ishing, so that the railroad companies
no longer put a premium on tho destruc
tion of forests by buying all tho wood
that is delivered along their lines, as
they used to do."
A WOMAN'S ADIEU
Our love Is done I
I would not have it baok, I say,
I would not have my whole year May I
But yet for our dead passion's sake.
Kiss me once more and strive to make
Our last kiss the supremeat one;
For lovo is done.
Our lovo is done!
And still my eyes with tears are wet,
Our souls are stirred with vague regret;
We gaze farewell, yet cannot speak,
And firm resolve grows strangely weak,
Though hearts are twain that once were
one,
Since love is done.
But love is done!
I know it, vow it, and that kts3
Must set a linis to our bliss.
Yet when I felt thy mouth meet mine,
My life again seemed half divine,
Our very hearts together run!
Can love b? done?
Can lovo be done?
Who cares if this be mad or wise?
Trust not my words, but read my eyes.
Thy kiss bade sleeping love awake:
Then take me to thy heart: ah! take
The life that with thine own is one,
Love is not done!
—Anne Reeve Aidrich, in Spirit.
AGAINST WIND AND TIDE.
BY ANSA SFIKILD3.
People in Maysville always shrugged
their shoulders wbeu Murk Lamson was
mentioned, and usually the expressive
gesture was followed by some depreca
ting remark.
"Comes of bad stock," old Judge Len
nox would say, in his pompous dictator
ial manner. "All the Lamsons were
worthless, and Mrs. Lamson was a
Hodge, and everybody knows what they
ore."
The house iu which Mark was born,
and where he scrambled up to manhood,
was a large farm house, tumbling to
pieces inside, with a roof always being
patched against leaking, doors without
iocks and with shaking hinges, windows
that rattled in every wiud, ceilings that
dropped plaster whenever a heavy foot
shook the upper rooms and furniture in
the last stage of shabbiness. His father
and mother were slatternly in dress,
shiftless in household management, and
the handsome, bright boy was over-in
dulged and neglected as tlieir own indo
lence suggested.
But Mark Lamson inherited none of
the leading traits of his parents. Prob
ably in some remote ancestor there was a
mixture of energy, resolution and ability
of which the Maysville gossips had never
heard, and for which they certainly gave
Mark no credit. It was in vain that the
Principal of the Maysville High School
declared that Mark had graduated with
the best record he had ever given in the
school. It was useless for the lad him
self to keep his life free from blame, and
earnestly endeavor to do his duty.
Maysville could not forget that he was
a Lamson, and his mother was a Hodge
—"bad stock!"
As he passed from boyhood to man
hood, Mark began the unequal struggle
against fate and circumstances, that was
dictated only by his own energy. His
father had been able to get bread from
the farm by a lazy tillage that gave the
bare necessities for the table; his mother
had a very small income that gave the
three clothing of the poorest description,
and both were in open-mouthed wonder |
that Mark was not content, as they had j
been, to dawdle through life aud "make i
out" with what they had.
And Mark, struggling to attain better ■
things, with only a vague, undisciplined j
longing for improvement, met no en
couragement at home or abroad. He i
tried to obtain a situation, but employers
were shy about giving work to a Lamson;
he met buf a cool reception at the Mays- i
ville social gatherings, having no knowl
edge of how to repair his own linen or
keep his poor clothing even tidy. Boy
like, he imagined a new suit and gay
necktie were all-sufficient for a party,
and did not heed the frayed culls and
broken collars at which the Maysville
belles turned up their no3es.
But, in spite of his father's lazy com
ments,his mother's fretful remonstrances,
Mark Lamson, finding no employment
outside, determined to see if the farm
would not find him in work.
"Oh, yes; do as you please," his
father said. "But there is no money
for new-fangled fixings, and the laud
is about worn out. Plenty of it, to be
sure, but 'tain't worth shucks."
So, single-handed, Mark undertook the
work of bringing up the old farm. Early
and late he toiled,repairing fences, weed
ing, picking stones, rooting out dead
stumps, preparing his land, without one
hand stretched out to help him,one voice
to wish him success. Thomas, the only
man his father employed, gave a surly-re
fusal to aid, upon the ground that his
regular routine of shiftless farming took
all his time, and Mark patiently sub
mitted.
He was twenty-one ycara old, when
iuto his dull,monotonous life came a new
stimulus—a hope, bright as a vision and
almost as baseless. He fell in love' He
did not walk in cautiously, counting his
Bteps and weighing his chauces, but he
fell In plump, suddenly, hopelessly.
There had been a warm riscussion nt
tbc Judge's about inviting Murk J the
party that was to celebrate Essie's
eighteenth birthday aud her final return
from boarding-school. B'.il the pet of
the house had a will of her own and a
lively recollection of Mark's handsome
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JANUARY
face and boyish gallantries, and insisted
upon his being invited. Mark, carrying
in his memory only a pretty little girl,
found himself confronted by an undeni
able beaut;; a face to win homage in far
more pretentious circles than Maysvillo
boasted, and a gentle grace of manner
none of the girls of his acquaintance had
ever extended to him.
The touch of the soft little hand
offered to greet him riveted tha chains
Essio's face had cast about Mark's heart,
and made him her slave then and there.
Ho had starved all his life for sympathy,
and his first half-hour with Essie filled
his longing heart with content. She re
membered all his boyish aspirations; she
entered into all his hopes and ambitions.
The party was the beginning of an inter
course that stimulated auew every good
resolution, gave a new vigor to every
hope of Mark's life.
The village was essentially democratic,
and the fact that Essie was the only
child and heiress of the richest, most in
fluential man in the place did not prevent
her from visiting Mrs. Lamsou upon
terms of perfect equality. She was fond
of the weak, amiable woman, strongly as
she censured, in her youthful strength,
the easy-going indolence that made her
home such a scene of confusion and dis
comfort; and, in her gentle, pleasant
way, she endeavoured to brighten tSiat
home for Mark by suggestions and offers
of help that fell to the ground. It was
like fighting a feather bed to try to rouse
Mrs. Lamson to au active improvement,
and rebutted there, Essie could only help
Mark by words of sympathy that were
like wine of life to his love.
Au hour with Essie sent him back to
his uphill work full of new hope, every
energy stimulated, every hope bright
ened. He had not dared to set befora
him in plain words the hope of ono day
winning her heart to his own, for there
was all the humility of trus passion in
that young, ardent heart, but he real
ized a new force, a new spur to am
bition.
Essie never sneered at him as the
neighbors had become accustomed to
doing; Essio never threw cold water
over his plans for improving the land;
Essie was never sarcastic over the clash
ing of his povery and his ambitions. As
he saw her more frequently, he ventured
to tell her of wider, wilder hopes, of
some day escaping from the drudgery
before him, and making his way to a
city, where his education might give
himastartin more congenial occupation »
''Father and mother seem to need me,
now," he told one day; "they are
old, and they have no other child. I
think it is iny plain duty to stay."
"I think it is," was the quick reply;
"your mother could scarcely bear a sepa
ration."
"And while I am here, I must do the
work that lies under my hand," he said,
"hard as it is! But Essie," and his face
brightened, "do you kuow that already
I have made the farm pay double what
it has ever done. Next spriug I cau
hire help out of money I saved from the
sale of last year's crops 1"
Essie, all eager interest, entered into
discussion of the capabilities of such a
lot for turnips, such a patch for wheat,
the possibilities of a dairy, the best cul
ture for fowls, as if she had never
studied music or filled her head with
French and German verbs.
But the horror and wrath ol Judge Len
nox, when, after two years of mild court
ship, Mark took his fate in his hands and
asked permission to marry Essie, cannot
be described.
"A Lamson!" he cried, when hav
ing dismissed Mark he returned to the
bosom of his family. "A Lamson for
Essie's husband I The fellow wants
my money to spend after all his father
and his grandfather have squandered."
"Do you really and truly think Mark
is a spendthrift, papa?" Essio asked
quietly. "Does ho evftr lounge about
the stores or taverns, as Harry Carter
and James Hay burn dol
"I—Well, no, I never saw him," was
the reluctant admission.
"Did you ever hear that he drank or
gambled, or oven smoked?"
"N-o—l never did."
"Is he not regular at church?"
"Ye-es."
"But, oh, Essie 1" struck in Mrs, Len
nox. "What shabby, half-washed
shirts he wears, and his fingers all out
of his gloves, and half the buttons of his
coat gone!"
"Poor Mark 1" said Essie, gently. "He
needs a wife."
"Well, he need not look hero for
one," growled the Judge.
"I heard Mr. Thompson say, la3t
week," said Essie, quietly,"that there is
not a better farm in C4reene County than
Lamson's."
"Such a palace of a house!" the
Judge sneered.
"Mark is hoping to put a now house
on the place, next year. He has had
builders over from B , but they say
the old house is beyond repair, and it
would cost less to.have a new one."
"And where is the money to come
from?"
"Where the improved farm came
from," said Essie; "from Mark's indus
try, perseverance and energy, in the face
of the hardest discouragements ever a
young man had to fight."
"Eh!" said the Judge. "What?
What?"
"See what he has done," said Essie,
still in an even, quiet tone that carried
conviction far more than an excited one.
"Eight years ago, when he was but a
boy, he put his shoulder to the wheel
and took his playtime bctween_ school
hours to weed and cloar away stones.
Nobody helped him. He was ridiculed,
sneered at, discouraged on all sides. He
had the poorest farm in the place, and
ho has made it one of the best. Ho
has put every spare dollar inta
books on agriculture, improved ma
chines, good stock. He has now four
men at work for him, good horses, good
cattle, good poultry, and he will have a
good house. Papa, do you not think it
will be a pity to have the new house in
the care of Mrs. Lamson, to ruin as she
has the old one? Out-doors the manage
ment is all left to Mark,"and see what ho
has done. But a man cannot make a
home comfortable alone; ho needs a
wife."
"Well," said the Judge, "let him have
one, but not ray child."
"Still he loves me," said Essie, "and
I love him!"
"Pshaw !"said the Judge, and marched
out of the house.
But prompt us he was, he was just,
and ho loved Essie. He had let preju
dice influence him against Mark all his
life; now he took pains to find out how
much of his dislike was well founded.
Grudgingly enough was the verdict given
in Mark's favor. Maysville did not will
ingly acknowledge it had been wrong in
its estimate, and shouldered upon Mark
all the faults of his ancestors. But the
facts were strong, and Judge Lennox
found himsc'f confronted by them.
Slowly, for ho was not easily convincod,
he took respect into tho place of cou
tempt, and, after a month of patient in
vestigation, sent for Mark.
Tho interview was a frank, mauly ono,
tho old gentloman not being givon to
half hoarted measures of any kind. Ho
admitted his formor prejudices, and
heartily commonded tho young man who
had struggled so nobly.
"When your now houso is finishod,"
he said, "I will let my Essie bo your wlto.
A man who can mako his way against
wind and tide as you have done, dasorvos
a happy home."
Tho Judge boing a power iu Maysville
public opinion voorod round, ns soon as
the engagement, was announced.
The now houso being oomplotod, Essie
became housekeeper, Mrs. Latuson gladly
resigning her feeblo reign. And under
the new regime It was wonderful to soo
how even the old people smartonod up.
They had no chronic objection to
cleanliness, if Bomoono olso did tho
necessary work; and with Mark and Essio
to govern and direct, tho Liuason house,
hold so lost its old name, that you could
scarcely find to-day lu Muysvillo ono
voice to repeat the old saying that "Mark
Lamson came of bad stock."— 7'hc Led'jer,
A Very Queer Satellite.
Tho satollito nearest to tho planet
Jupiter must bo a singular placo of resi
dence, if thoro bo any possibility of rcsi<
dents at all resembling human beings. Iu
the first place, though It is bigger than
our moon, tho substanco of which it is
composed is less than half as light as
cork, so that it is not a very solid pla;o
of residence.
In the next place, though tho sun ap
pears very dim from it as compared with
what it appears from tho earth, it has o
moon—namely, Jupiter itself whoso
surface appears many hundreds of timet
larger than our moon.
In tho third place, tho recent observa
tions made of this satollito by Mr. Bar
nard, in tho great Lick Observatory,
make it not improbablo that this satel
lite is reallv cut in two, and that there
fore there may bo two separate littlo
worlds, probably not separated by any
very great distauco (for the total diame
ter of the two together, if tliero bo two
divisions of tho satellite which was al
ways supposed till quite recently to ba
single, is not above 2300 miles across),
revolving together through space, somo
even of tho details of one of which
worlds must be visible from tho othor.
if thero bo anything like telescopes on
either half.
If the satellite is not cui in two Mr.
Barnard holds that there must be a light
bolt round it, very like tho light belt on
Jupiter itself, and that this light belt
produces the impression of division un
der certain circumstances of the orbit.
We may hope that tho Lick Observatory
will at length solve the problem. Por
baps the residents of the two halves of
the planet, if it be in halves, can really
telegraph to each other.— London. Spec
tator.
Right Kind of Scissors.
Ono needs many pairs of scissors, and
truo ecouomy consisists in having a pair
for each sort ot work. Tho cutting of
paper is very trying to sharpenod stool,
and a pair might bo kopt for that pur
pose. Long slender shears aro handy
for general use: buttonhole scissors could
find a placo in every work basket; a pair
of scissors for trimming lamps in the
kitchon is necessary where there is no
gas; grapo Bcissors for the table aro not
altogether uew; scissors to cut flowers
in the country are a convenience.
Few pcoplo carry pockot Bcissors of
the folding sort. Thoso that do never
part with them. Convenient for mani
cure use, to cut a clipping from a paper
at a moment's notice, a string, etc., they
answer almost every purposo of the
pocket knife and are much more conven
ient to handle. Give n person accus
tomed to their use a knife aud tho pocket
scissors and he will part with the former
first. No cutting blade should bo put
in the fire, as it will then loso its tompcr
which is denoted by its turning bluo.
Such a knifo or blade will never keep
its edge.— Hardware.
Terms—Sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
The moon moves 3333 feet per second.
There are 20,000 different kinds of
butterflies.
Steam locomotives are to be tried on
the Chicago street lines.
The Cliaiuber of Deputies of Belgium
has passed a bill prohibiting any public
experiments in hypnotism.
A new engine just completed for the
New York Central's ' flyer" will weigh,
ready for service, just ono hundred tons,
tender included.
The redevelopment of lost limbs is de
clared by an English naturalist to be not
unusual among insects, in whom it may
take place either during the larval or
pupal stage.
A boring at Brolil, on the Rhino, has
been worked for carbonic acid for fifty
years, but its supply is now failing on
account of tho opening of eight other
borings which arc now iu operation near
it.
Unsuccessful attempts to produce rain,
by exploding twenty bags of roburitc
have been made in Bezwada, in the
Madras Presidency, India, but showers
were readily produced at Madras by ex
ploding dynamite.
A specimen of capped petrel, a bird
supposed to bo an extinct, or at least a
lost species, was found recently in Eng
land. The original home of the capped
petrel is said to havo been the islands of
St. Domingo and Guadaloupe.
For chapped hands the following is a
most excellent remedy: Camphor gum,
three drains, beesewax, three drams,
spermaceti, three drams, olive oil, two
ounces. Putin a pan and set in boiling
water until melted, and apply to the
hands.
An engineor suggests that a steam
lioso bo connected with engines so that
an engineer without any material move
ment on his part could turn a stream of
scalding water and steam on robbers at
tempting to climb up in the cab or over
the tender.
A locomotive has just boon built at
tho Crewo Works of the London and
Northwestern Railway, of England,
which is cupabjp of drawing a train at
tho rato of 100 miles an hour. The
speed attained by this engine iu trial
ruus between Crewe and Chester was
ninety miles an hour; but this was shown
to be considerably below its full
powers.
There is a tract of land in Levy
County, Florida, in which three holes
have been dug thirty feet apart, and
each excavation has laid bare parts of
the skeleton of a huge animal. The
diggers take it for granted that the
bones all belong to the same creature,
and are wondering what sort of a beast
it was whose remaius underlie tho
county.
The production of positive photo
graphs direct from the camera has been
announced in Germany, this remarkable
result being secured by adding small
quantities of a substituted sulpho-urea to
the developer. Successful trials were
made with allyl and phenyl sulpho-urea
added to eikonogen; but sulpho-urei
itself, while acting similarly, gave uu
satisfuctory results.
The resources of a shoe factory in
Leicester, England, have been immensely
iucreased by the adoption of electric
power. The mstalla'ion is to be further
enlarged, and when complete it will in
clude two engines of 150-horse power
for the driving of the dynamos for light
and power. Fifteen hundred people
will be employed and the factory will
produce 50,000 pairs of shoes a week.
The Structure of Ferns.
When flowering plants usually make
seed, that is generally the last effort of
plant life—the seed is the beginning of
tho lifo of tho new plant. Ferns, how
ever, only produce spores for reproduc
tive purposes. These spores germinate
and go through the same process subse
quently that flowers go through in the
production of seeds. The spores expand
when the germinating tune comes, and
form a flat, green membrane; what are
then really tho flowers appear on this
membrane. As a general rule, after
these fern flowers have matured, the
membrane dries up and disappears. Iu
ono family of ferns, however, natives of
New Holland, this green blade is per
manent and continues to enlarge, be
coming really a portion of the plant.
Every year a new blade is formed, which
spreads over the old ones. The large
plant is of a totally different character,
having tho fronds of ordinary ferns.—>
jlfeehan'a Monthly.
Ancient Butterflies.
Near the top of Mount Washington, in
New Hampshire, lives a little colony of
very cold-loving ard mountainous butter
fl'cs which never descended below 2000
feet from the wind-swept summit. Ex
cspt just there there, are uo more of theii
sort anywhere about; and as far as the but
terflies themselves are aware, no others
of their species exist on earth; they neyei*
havo seen a singlo one of their kind save
of their own colony. A writer on "high
lifo" in tho Cornhill Magatxne says that
this little colony of chilly insects was
stranded ou Mount Washington at the
cud of the glacial period somo odd thou
sands of years ago, and the butterfliei
dwelt there ever since, generation fol
lowing generation.
Tho hungriest Wall-streeter nevei
takes lamb without mint sauce.— Puck.
XO. 16
LEFT UNDONE.
It isn't the thing you do, dear.
It's the thing you've left undone,
Which gives you a bit of headache
At the setting of the gun;
The tender word forgotten, -*
The letter you did not write,
The flower you might have sent, dear.
Are your haunting ghosts to-night.
The stone you might have lifted
Out of a brother's way.
The bit of heartsome counsel
You were hurried too much tcr say.
The loving touch of the hand, dear,
The gentle and winsome tone.
That you had no time or thought for.
With troubles enough of your own.
The little act of kindness,
80 easily out of mind;
Those chances to be angels
Which every mortal finds—
They come in night and silence-
Each chill, reproachful wraith—
When hope is faint and flagging,
And a blight has dropped on faith.
For life is all too short, dear.
And sorrow is all too great.
To suffer our slow compassion
That tarries until too late.
And it's not the thing you do, dear.
It's the thing you leave undone,
Which gives you the bit of headache
At the setting of the sun.
—Margaret K. Songster.
III!MOIl OF THE DAY.
An old-timer—The sun-dial.
The golden mien—Putting on airs.
A blunder buss—Kissing the wrong
girl.— Pittsburg Dispatch.
A shrinking little thing—Your last
dollar when it's changed.
When a man makes a dye museum of
his head he looks like a freak.
Visitors would sometimes like to
make a precocious child smart.— Buffalo
Truth.
The man with an elastic step probably
wears Congress gaiters.— Biwjhamto>i Re
publican.
The small child is likely to look a gift
horse in the mouth, and to put it there,
too.— Puck.
The initial is the refuge which saves a
child from the names which a patent
can inflict.— Judge.
There is always plonty of room at the
top, because we all want to get in on the
ground floor.— Puck.
The man carried away with enthu
siasm is frequently brought back witb
disgust.— Texas Siftings.
"Ah! this is the lap of luxury,"
purred the old cat, as she stole the rich
cream from a pan of milk.
The reason why the ocean is so often
called treacherous must be because it is
full of craft.— Boston, Post.
A few statistics never fail to soon
satisfy an aulience if they are thor
oughly dry.— Galveston Hews.
"You're a dead loss to yourself" is
the latest sarcastic way of telling a mat
he is no good.— Philadelphia lltcord.
"Is Fletcher sure his wife's poodle is
dead?" "He inuH be. I see he's offer
ing #SO reward for it."— Brooklyn, Life.
Love at first sight doej not wear spec
tacles. That may he why it seldom oc
curs in Boston. Binghamton Republican.
A mother may know it, but she'll
never admit that any other woman's child
is as smart as her own. New York Jour
nal.
"Do you know it takes fifty leaves of
gold to make the thickness of ordinary
paper? "Oh, that's too thin!"—Jewel
tr* Circular.
There's no disgrace in being poor.
The thing is to keep quiet and not let
your neighbors know anything about it. Texat
Texat Sif tings.
You will usually find it the case that
the man who has the most irons in the
fire has a wife who has to furnish the
kindling.— Atchison Globe.
V s ".-
Lady (engaging servant) —"You seem
to possess every necessary qualification.
Have you got a sweetheart?" Servant—
"No, mum; but I can soon get one."—
The Comic.
"I've got a good idea for this season,"
said a baseball manager. "What is it?"
"I've got a deaf umpire. 110 can see
everything, but he can't hear any kick
ing."—New York News.
"80 you are on a star tour," said the
Circus Lion to the Dancing Hear; "pray,
tell me, is that fellow there with the
chain your me-isenger?" "Yes," replied
the Bear, "and also my leading man."—•
Baltimore American.
"I hear that water sold at twenty-five
cents a glass in the newly-opened lands
of Oklahoma. Is it so?" "Quite likely,"
replied the returned boomer. "1 don't
know, though. I didn't have time to
wash while I was there."— Buffalo Ex
press.
"A fast horse, is he?" "Trots like a
streak of greased lightning." "Well,
that's fast enough. What do you call
him?" "What Ma Says." "What Ma
Says I That's a strange name. Why do
you call him that?" "Because what ma
says goes."
Doctor—"Notwithstanding the fact
that there arc new diseases coming up
every day, the old ones seem to hold their
own all the same." Tartar—"Yes?
Well, that may be, but there's oae of the
old sort that doesn't seem to affect my
out-of-town customers at all.'' Doctor—
"What is that?" Tartar—"The remit
ting l'ever.''— Boston Journal.