SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. X.
Tlie population of Greece is increasing
at a greater ratio than that of any other
European country.
Lunacy appears to have increased in
Scotland to a startling extent. In 1858
there were 5824 lunatics on the register
of the Lunacy Commissioners, but now
there are 12,595.
The British Government proposes to
build a very extensive barracks at Hali
fax, which, in case of war, would be oc
cupied by troops oa their way to India
by way of the Canadian Pacific Railway.
The site for these barracks has already
been selected.
One of the greatest modern industries,
asserts the San Francisco Chronicle, is
the product on of beet sugar. Its crea
tion has given employment to a vast
number of persons, and has so cheapened
sugar that it is within the reach of the
lowest-waged workman.
The farm products of Vermont this
season will realize $30,000,000, which,
declares the New York Commercial Ad
vertiser, is the best year's showing for
the Greea .Mountain State farmers since
the war. Improved methods of culture
are largely credited with the prosperity.
Thetcivilized nations of the earth have
agreedUo co-operate in taking a photo
graphic chart ot the heavens. Some
twenty telescopes are to work four jears,
and will result in mapping proba
bly twienty-five millions of stars; with
longer>exposu.es probably two thousand
be photographed.
An expert {Hoard's Dairyman) says:
"The cow is winning her way into the
hearts oltthe Southern people. One in
stance in (proof thereof is the first con
signment of cheese ever received in St.
Louis d'rom Arkansas, which reached that
market lately from tho Grand Prairie
Dairy Compauy, at Stuttgart, Ark."
Canndmgivus to its geological survey
only §60,000 a year, while, contrasts
the Chicago Herald, the various geologi
cal surveys in.our own country absorb
nearly annually. Yet Can
ada makes a line showing with this
modest sum. The annual geological
records are in part records of original
discovery and research, and, with their
fine maps-and photogravures, arj as in
teresting as many books of travel. Can
ada contains the,largest unknown areas
ot the. American continent.
Savage or Iwlf-civilized princes often
prefer death to exile in a foreign coun
try. Malietoa, the King of Samoa,
jumped overboard when the Germans
took him to the Gilbert Islands, and was
not rescued writh his own consent. Three
chiefs of the Comoro Islands, off the
East African coast, were taken away
from home three months ago on acoount
of the revolution which they headed
against the French. They were very uu
happy on board ship, and when the ves
sel reached Obock they tried to jump
overboard, and'were placed in irons to
prevent further suicidal attempts.
It is said that a few years ago some of
the members of foreign legations in
Washington gave the police no end of
trouble. Thsy knew that they could
not be punished for any ordinary misde
meanor, and frequently raised a row on
the streets. When arrested they had
to be released as soon as identified. Fi
nally the police tried a new dodge. They
had a few sluggers loafing around the
station, who made it a point to pitch into
the foreigners, and give them black
eyes and bloody noses. This quieted the
riotous members of the legation, and for
some time past they have given the po
lice very little trouble.
Californians now engaging in the cul
tivation of prunes tiud the profits very
tempting, being about one dollar a tree,
or SIOO the acre. This rate increases as
the tree grows older until the fruit each
year is worth almost two dollars. Ex-
Secretary of State Thomas Beck has given
up everything else to engage in the cul
tivation of tho prune. The Pajaro Land
and Fruit Company was recently formed
for the purpose of raising this fruit in
large quantities. It has bought 600
acres of land in Pajaro Valley, aud will
plant an orchard of French prune trees.
They will bo from four to six feet in
height when put into tho ground. The
stock of these tices is to be two years old
and the graftiug one year. Next year
they will begin to yield fruit. The uv
•rMft thirty year*.
E-LIM-IN-A H-DO.
'fwu h the bazars of the Smyrniotos
That we heard the lingering call.
With its mellow-, musical, bell-like notes,
And its rhythmic rise and fall.
It soared o'er the camel-driver's shout.
And the bale-bent porter's angry flout—
"O—O
E-lim-in-a!t-do!"
There were the figs of Omoorloo,
Large and luscious and bursting ripe;
And from a cafe near there blew
The tempting scent of tho water-pipe.
But Tireh's grapes would have hung in vain
Upon the vines had we beard that strain—
'•O—O
E-lim-in-ah-do!"
Amber, clear as a prisoned ray
Of the morning sunlight, was forgot;
Bugs, rich with the huos of dying day.
Prom the looms of Persia, lured us not.
While the motley Smyrna world swept by,
Wo hung on the sound of the witching cry—
"O—O
E-lim-in-ahclo!"
Then out of tho jostling crowd ho came
With his crook-necked flask and his clink
of glass;
As keen of eye and supple of frame
As a Lydiau pard we saw him pass-
Saw him pass, and above the roar
Caught the lilt of his call once more—
* "O—O
E-lim-in-ah-do!"
Who can measure melody's power?
It sways the soul with the same strange
spell
On lovely lips in a lady's bower,
Or those of a vagrant Ishmael.
And still floats back, with its thrilling bars,
The strain from the Smyrniote bazars—
"O—O
' 'E-li m-in-ah-do!"
—Clinton Scollard, in Atlantic Monthly.
DOROTHY'S DIAMONDS.
BY HFI.EN FOIUtEST GRAVES.
"You can't bo in earnest, Dotty!" said
Ralph Inray.
"But I am in earnest," protested
Dorothy, his wife. -'Why shouldn't I
be in earnest?"
Mr. Imray laid down the pen with
which he had been following a long
column of figures. lie was a bank ac
countant, and sometimes eked out his
small salary by bringing home the
books of neighboring firms to post after
his regular day's work was over.
He looked intently at Dorothy. Nor
was she by any means a disagreeable
object to behold, as she sat by the
shaded lamp, stitching away at a piece
of yellow China silk which emphasized
her purple-black masses of silky hair and
the jetty light of her long-lashed eyes.
borne people, to judge by appearances,
are bom kitchen-maids; others are
princesses. And Dorothy Imray, albeit
her father was a master carpenter and
her husband a bank clerk, was ono of
nature's aristocrats—slim, taper-lingered
and swan-throated, with a delicate com
plexion and a profile that xeminded one
of a Roman cameo.
"Why shouldn't you be in earnest?"
repeated Ralph. "Because, Dotty,
there's a fitness in all things. A poor
man's wife has no business to wear
diamonds."
"Mrs. Clifford wears them!" petulant
ly retorted Dorothy. "And Job Clif
ford doesn't get any higher salary than
you do."
"Blither father is a man of means,
Dofty."
"And Luella Dixon has the loveliest
lace-bar! She showed it to me yester
day."
"Dixon aDd I differ materially in our
financiol ideas," observed Imray, shrug
ging his shoulders. "If a man owes
money, I, for one, don't regard it as a
very smart thing for his wife to be
flaunting around in costly jewels. Come,
Dot, give up the idea. Twenty years
from now I may be able to give you
diamonds."
Dorothy pouted. She sewed away
with little, swift jerks of the needle.
"Twenty years from now I shall be an
old woman," she uttered.
Mr. Imray laughed.
"I'll risk that," said he. "No, Dotty,
if my wife were to come out in a pair of
diamond ear-rings, my employers would
be quite justified in scrutinizing my ac
counts. The topaz ornaments I gave
you at our wedding were good enough
for you then. Why can't you be con
tented with them now?"
Dorothy answered not a word. The
needle seemed like a scimetar in the
lamplight; the rose-red lips were tightly
compressed; and Ralph resumed his pen,
with a sigh.
Dotty had "got into society" lately,
and the little home had never recovered
its pleasant old-time aspect since.
Mrs. Job Clifford aud Luella Dixon
were her models now, instead of kind
Aunt Rhoda and the rector's pretty
young wife.
The next day Mrs. Dixon called,
dressed in a fantastic combination suit,
with a French hat, and a real lace scarf
"twisted loosely around her neck.
"Well, Dorothy," began she, "What
did he say?" Mrs. Imray's pretty face
gloomed over.
"Just what I expected,'" said she.
"Of course he won't give me the dia
monds. I might have known that be
forehand."
"Don't bo discouraged, dear," said
Mrs. Dixon, with a furtive glance. "I
can suggest a plan. Are we quite
•lone?"
Dorothy looked surprised.
- ••YM," said ih«. "Bridget has gone
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1891.
to market, and there is no one else on
this floor."
Mrs. Dixon drew her chair close to
Dorothy's sofa.
"Listen!" she whispered. "How
much money have you?"
"Twenty dollars of my own," Dor
othy answered, "and forty that Ralph
left to pay the agent our rent. That's
sixty. And there's fifteen that Aunt
Rhoda sent me to match her old broc
aded silk with."
"Seventy-five!" said Mrs. Dixon, er
ultingly. "Dorothy, you shall have
your diamonds!"
"It's impossible!" breathed Dorothy.
"But it is possible, and I'll tell you
how. Come closer, dear; not a soul
must know of this. Dixon has helped
a shipping merchant on the docks to get
his cargo in—Dixon knows a man in the
aus torn house, you see—and lfe has given
U3 a point. There was a Brazil
schooner came in last night, laden with
bananas. The captain has friends iu the
diamond mines up among the moun
tains."
"You don't mean—"
Mrs. Dixon laughed—a shrill, excited
laugh.
"It's really quite interesting to visit
those odd little foreign vessels," said
she. "I'll take you there, dear, if you'd
like?"
"Is that the way you got your dia
monds, Luella?"
"Ask me no questions, and I'll tel!
you no lies," merrily retorted Mrs. Dixon.
"You have the same chance that I did.
It's tho duties on these luxuries that
makes the cost. Captain Sazeda is in a
hurry to get back to Rio Janerio. If we
go at all we'll have togo to-night."
"But it's Ralph's late night at the
bank!" hesitated Dorothy.
"AH the better*. Ho mustn't know a
word of it- Men are so ridiculous about
such things. I never would havejbreathed
a word to you if I hid supposed you
would betray me!"
"I won't! I won't!" cried Dorothy,
her cheeks flushed, her dark eyes spar
kling. "Oh, Luella, do you think my
poor little seventy-tive dollars will buy
anything tit to look at?
"Great bargains are sometimes ob
tained in that way," nodded Mis. Dixon.
"But, good gracious, is that eleven
striking? And me due at my dressmak
er's at half-past ten. I must go, Dor
othy. Remember I'll call for you at
seven. Not a minute before dark, you
know. Sazeda will send up the cabin
j boy to show you the way. Put on your
| waterproof, and wear your oldest hat and
! veil, and make some excuse to Bridget.
Mind, sharp seven!"
All day Dorothy Imray went about
! her occupations like one in a dream.
; The strange, fantastic nature of the ad
venture appealed to the romantic side of
her being.
She longed for diamonds as a deseri
wanderer longs for cooling fountains.
I She could tell Rilph that she had hired
i them, that some of their relations up in
| Canada had bequeathed them—she could
| make up any sort of a story to pacify
him. The rent must wait. Aunt
Khoda would surely be in no haste about
her black brocaded gown!
And Dorothy fell to thinking in what
shape the stones—precious sparklers
from far Southern minos—should be set.
Seven o'clock came—a raw, smoky
twilight, tilled with iine, drizzling rain
i —and Dorothy and Mrs. Dixon were
] picking their way along the narrow,
I half-lighted streets on the edge of the
: wharves, where the wind was full of
: saline odors, and the crowded masts and
[ smoke-stacks seemed to overshadow
them like some outlandish sort of forest.
A stunted lad in tattered garments
trotted along in front of them, whistling
as he went, and now and then casting a
backwack glance to make sure that they
had not lost their way.
Presently he plunged into a crazy old
house which seemed to balance itself on
the black tides below.
Mrs. Dixon followed—so did Dorothy
Imray, after one startled glance around.
They descended a flight of ruinous
stairs, crossed a rude gangplank, and
found themselves on a stupenduously
dirty vessel, smelling of tar and onions,
and rocking back and forth with the
swell produced by the ferry-boats that
came and went at intervals..
A humpbacked little man in tarnishod
velveteen sat on a bucket turned upside
down, holding a lantern which he swung
toward a cabin door beyond.
"Ila, Giacome!" he uttered, "Ze sig
nora she come to see ze parrot an' ze
cockatoo! She is welcome. Walk zat
way, please."
And Dorothy and her friend descend
e:l into a low-ceiled, dirty place lined
vrith cages of numberless shrieking
foreign birds, and a jocund-looking
jorjng man with a mandolin slung around
his neck was leisurely picking out a tune
by the light of a smoke-blackened lamp.
He looked at Mrs. Dixon, who nodded
her head, while Dorothy stood trembling
and a little sea-sick at her side.
He laid down the mandolin, bowed
not ungracefully, to Dorothy, and clos
ing the doors with vigilant care, opened
a shallow cigar box which lay on the
table.
All at once the air seemed to flash into
scintillations of light. Dorothy started
back with a slight exclamation.
Not a loud word was spoken as, guid
ed by Sirs. Dixon's advice, Dorothy
selected Ave many-faceted stones and |
laid down her little roll of baukbills.
Her heart beat loudly, her pulses seemed
to race in a mud scamper through her
veius as she thrust the diamonds iuto the
bosom of her dnut, She did not bear
what Sazeda was saying—tho murky
cabin swam before her eyes.
"I'm afraid you feel the swell of the
waves, dear," whispered Mrs. Dixon.
"Let us get out as quick as we can."
In the same instant a curious expres
sion passed across Sazeda's handsome
sardonic face. The cigar box vanished
as if by magic—the captain disappeared
also.
"A custom house fellow," whispered
the littlo hunchback, madly swinging
his lantern to and fro. "All ashore!
Quick, signoras!"
lie thrust the cage of a drooping white
macaw into Mrs. Dixon's hauds. She
nodded shrewdly, and pushed Dorothy
across the plank toward the stairs. In
her haste, however, the young woman
stumbled.
"Quick," cried Luella "quick 1
What's the matter with you?"
"I'm—l'm afraid I have sprained my
ankle," wailed poor Dorothy, growing
white and sick. "Oh, Luella, wait—"
And that was all she remembered.
* » * * * *
"Diamonds, my dear—diamonds?"
echoed Auut Rhoda. "Just cut glass,
and nothing more. Bright pebbles that
one can pick up anywhere."
"But Mrs. Dixon—" stammered Dor
othy.
"Don't talk, dear," said Aunt Rhoda,
with a wave of her hand. "lialph made
me promise not to let you get excited.
But I think it's best to tell you the
whole story at once. They've cut and
run, the lot of 'em—Dixon and his wife,
that Sazeda fellow and all. They palmed
off a lot of those false jewels on people
who supposed they were buying smug
gled diamonds, and the ship was found
deserted the next day. Where did we
lind you? Why, fainting away all aloi c
on the dock steps. I had followed you.
I had come in that morning, and was in
the next bedroom all the time that wo
man was putting her falsehoods down
your throat.
"And I knew, in Ralph's absence,
that it was my business to look after you.
Bridget was with me, aud together we
got you home. Much that other woman
cared whether you lived or died! She
has left you to your fate. No, Dotty,
no; don t look so grieved! It was a
false step, but the Lord has mercifully
preserved you, and now we'll wipe off
the old scores and bogin again."
And Dorothy had just enough strength
left to press her lips to Aunt lihoda's
withered hand.
".Ralph," she said, when sho was qu.te
recovered, "if ever you are able to buy
me any jewels—"
"Which I certainly shall do, dot, one
of these days." he gaily interrupted.
"Dou't let them be diamonds. I hate
diamonds! I never want to see one again.
Turquoises, amethysts, whatever else
you please, but not diamonds!"
"Well, it shall bo as you please,"said
Ralph. "Your bright eyes, love, are all
the diamouds I want!"
"Oh, Ralph," sobbed Dorothy, "ho<v
good you are to me! How I love you!"
A Church Bnilt of Coral.
The Seychelles Islands, which are sup
posed by many to be the site of the
Eden of the Old Testament history, form
an archipelago of 114 islands, and are
situated about 1400 miles east of Aden,
and 1000 miles from Zauzibar. They
rise steeply out of the sea, culminating
in the Isle of Mahe, which is about 3000
feef above the level of the ocean, aud is
nearly the centre of the group. All these
islands are of coral growth. The beaches
which surround thtm are the most
beautiful in the world, and are of whito
calcereous sands inclosed in coral reefs
of the most subtile and varied structure.
The reefs form a sort of wall arouud
the island, and when the sun's rays fall
slanting on the sands the shore reflects
here and there light-tinted rainbows of
the most exquisite shades.
The houses are built of a species of
massive coral hewn into square blocks,
which glisten like white marble and
show themselves to the utmost advantage
in the various tinted green of the thick
tropical palms, whoso iinmcnso fern-like
leaves give pleasant and much needed
shade.
The palms grow as high as 100 feet
and more, overtopping both the houses
and the coral-built church. They line
the seashore and cover the mouutains,
forming in many places extensive for
ests.—Boston Globe.
Curiosities About Gold.
Gold i3 so very tenacious that a piece
of it drawn i&to wire one-twentieth of an
inch in diameter will sustain a weight of
500 pounds without breaking.
Its malleability is so great that a single
grain may ho divided into 2,000,000
partj and a cubic inch iuto 9,523,809,
523 parts, each of which may be dis
tinctly seen by the naked eye.
A grain and a half of gold fay be
beaten into leaves of one inch square,
which if intersected by parallel lines
drawn at right angles to each other and
distance only the one-hundredth part of
an inch, will produce 25,000,000 little
squares, each of which may be distinctly
seen without the use of a glass.
The surface of any given quantity of
gold, according to the best authorities,
may be extsuded by the hammer 310,184
times. The thickness of the metal thus
extended appears to be no more than the
568.020 th of an inch. Eight ounces of
this wonderful metal would gild a silver
wire of sufficient length to extend en
tirely uround the globe.— JiehobotU Sun
day Herald.
Upside down—The uioiuUohfe
Terms—Bl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Germany leads in paper-mills.
Coffee mills are run by electricity.
Instantaneous photographs show lip
movements.
The experiment is about to be tried
in Chicago of running double-decked
street cars.
A street railway system, to be operated
by compressed air, is to be inaugurated
in Leavenworth, Kan. The power will
also be applied to factories.
The phonograph has been applied to
the telephone, go that any conversation
coming over the wires during the day
may be readily reproduced.
Phosphorus is now being made by
decomposing a mixture of acid phos
phates and carbon by the heat of an
electric arc within the mass.
The latest innovation in car decora
tion is a sew material called "sili
chrome." It can be used also for depot
or other interior decoration.
On the eastern frontier of the "Dark
Continent" coal is so plentiful that by
lifting a shovelful of clay off any particu
lar spot it may be reached. But there
is no means of transporting it to market.
The range of naval guns is rougtly one
mile for every inch of calibre foi guns
less than ten inches, bi * last year a 9.2
inch broach-loading rifle attained a
range of twelve miles. The pneumatic
gun has fired a dummy shell two miles
and a half.
It is said that the loosl steam trains
between St. Paul and Minneapolis have
all been taken off, beiug unable to com
pete with the electric road, which is
running trips every eight minutes, and
is expected soon to change to live minute
schedule.
About twice as much energy is re
quired to stop a moving object as to
start it. In order to relieve its horses of
a great deal of work, the London Gen
eral Omnibus Company has adopted an
ingenious device by which springs are
wound up when the omnibus stops. The
amount of energy which is thus stored up
111 the springs is utilized for starting the
vehicle agaiu.
A smokeless powder has been prepared
at the Newport (R. I.) Torpedo Station
which is credited with having given a
rifle bullet the astounding velocity of
2860 feet per second. Moreover, it is
Etated that at a distance of 500 yards the
report of the gun was not heard nor was
any smoke visible. Gun cotton pulp is
reported to be the base of the powder,
but the other ingredients and their ma
nipulation are a Government secret.
A lake has a wonderfully tempering
effect on the climate. Thus, according
to M. Forel, the quantity of heat accu
mulated in the Lake of Geneva, Switzer
land, during the summer of 1889 was
equal to that given off by the combustion
of 31,000,000 tons of coal, or the amount
carried by a coal train 1120 miles in
length. The greater part of the heat is
discharged into the air of the valley dur
ing the cold season, thus producing a
milder temperature in autumn and win
ter.
Dr. Brown-Sequard in one of his lec
tures dwells with great emphasis on the
importance of general knowledge in the
matter of checking coughing and sneez
ing. lie states that coughing can be
stopped by pressing the nerves of the
lips in the neighborhood of the nose,
and sneezing may be stopped the same
way. Pressing in the neighborhood of
the ear, or right in front of the ear, may
stop coughing. It is so also of hiccough
ing, but much less so than for sneezing
or coughing. Pressing very hard on the
roof of the mouth is also a means of ar
resting a cough, and the will Itself is
often found to be a wonderful preventive.
What Becomes of All Old Hats J
"What becomes of all old hats ? "Wc
have about 200 old hats strewed along
under the counters and in the back
room," said a South Clark street hatter.
"From teu to twenty-five tramps como
in daily aud ask for a hat, yet our
refuse supply seems undiminished. The
tramps are glad to see cool or rainy
weather at this time of the year. They
know that it will drive in the straw hats,
and they will fall heir to them. Aftei
these straw hats have done service all
summer the tramps wear them all winter.
For a summer hat the tramp gets the
cast-off winter hat. lie reserves the
fashion. A great majority, hdwever,
take their old hats homo and lay them
up for a rainy or a snowy day. Some
people will wear a straw hat two sea
sons, but the great majority give them
to the poor. We send a large number
to the charitable institutions. A great
many hats aro left to be called for. It'
not called for within thirty days we giva
them away. Sometimes sharpers attempt
their little games on us. A small man
left his hat here, buying a cut-off crown
hat. The one lie left was out of shape,
had lost its gloss and color, and was
worthless. He did not say that ho would
return for it, nor did he say that he
would not. We put it aside, but when
he called for it wc could not find it at
the moment. He then claimed that it
was a good hat and demanded $5 for it.
We made a thorough search, found the
battered tile aud handed it to him.
Seeing that his scheme had failed he
threw the old hat into the street."—
Chicago Times.
A Western man says this is a "tough
world," and it is his opinion that very
few who are in it now will ever get out
of it alive.— jf/iarnuiceultcul Era.
NO. 9.
CHORES.
Jed Dorcum always used to say
When we asked him to come and play
With us boys down to Harry More's,
'"l've gotter stay and do the chores."
No recreation would he taku
For all his wealth in jelly cake;
No glad fun in or out of doors.
He had to stay and do the chores.
We drove a woodchuck in the wall
But Jed he paid no heed at all;
A circus passed through Lower Town
But busy Jed, he couldn't go down.
The elephant went tramping by
And shook the earth and touched the 6ky;
The tiger howls, the lion roars,
Jed stays at home and dees the chores.
Much like Jed Dorkum are we all
Who long for great things and do small*
We moil among the trivial sods
Within the gardens of the gods,
While the dark clusters hang above
Rich with the juice of life and love.
We cannot reach and pull them down,
These fair pomegranates of renown;
Whose juice life's early hope restores.
For we must work and do the chores.
Above us sternly loom forever
The mighty Mountain of Endeavor,
And whoso on their summit stands
Looks on the sun-kissed table lands.
We grasp our mountain stair to climb
Their sky-enshrouded peaks sublime.
Up where the crystal torrent pours—
And then we pause to do our chores.
We start with courage in the heart
To try the endlessness of art.
In hope that we may speak some day
The word the Spirit bids us say,
But ere we speak the word aright
The shadows come and it is night.
Put out the light and closo the doors.
For good or 111 we've done our chores.
Sam Walter Foss, in Yankee Blade
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Cast iron—Quoits.
Men with well knit figures are seldom
worsted in a fight."— Pittsburgh Dispatch.
The girl who has had a faithless lover
should be sharper the next time—she is
a cutlass.— Lowell Courier.
" Financial embarrassment." is the
only kind that ever troubles young
America.— Boston Courier.
A ring around the moon is a sign ot
rain, and a ring around the eye is a sign
of blow.— Texas Sifting).
The crank with a theory is like a dog
chasing his tail—it's nothing new when
he grasps it.— Columbus Pott.
"Ah, yes,'* said Aunt Sary, "Jennie's
a great singer - some day she'll be a reg'-
lar belladonna!"— Columbus Post.
The ocean wearily exclaimed,
Incessantly I go;
I wonder that 1 aon't get corns
Upon my undertow.
If the world, as it is, owes everybody
a living, the world, ought to get a mort
gage on itself to pay its debts.— Texai
Sittings.
If men were half as wise in their ac
tions as they are in their minds, the
word "fool" would be out of use.—
Atchison Globe.
The peacock may not be inclined to
gossip, but he loves to spread a highly
colored tail about the neighborhood.—
Elmira Gazette.
In looking for causes, the little thing
under our nose is hardest to see. Just
try to cast your eye on the centre of your
own moustache.— Puck.
"Why is it so much easier to contract
debts than to pay them?" "Because we
run into debt, but usually have to crawl
out."— New York Herald.
Facetious Tourists—"ls it true that
your canton is full of idiots?" Merry
Swiss Peasant—"Yes, sir, iu summer.
15ut they don't stop long."
Carrnthers—"Of what use is a family
tree, anyhow?" Waite—"Why, to cast
one's -leighbor's into the shade, of
course."— New York Herald.
Ethel—"l am sure now that George
thinks mean angel." "Maud—"What
makes you so positive?" Ethel—"He
asked me to -fly with him."— New York
Haald.
"Why do they ring the bell in that
railroad station in that style? Itsounds
like it was tolling." "Probably it is—
for the passing of the dividend."—Balti
more American.
"Mrs. Garrill fell down stairs and bit
her tongue in two." "Poor Garrill! If
that woman has two tongues, heaven
knows what will become of him!"—
Harper's Bazar.
Mrs. Blacklot—"Yes, my boy's doin'
well to Harvard. He's study in' fer a
doctor now." Mrs. Nextdore—"Dear
me! Can't the doctor do his own study
in'?"—Boston Post.
Bride (in anticipation)—"l shouid
like to give my intended a little surprise
before our marriage. What would you
advise?" Female Friend—"Hum! pre
sent him with your certificate of birth."
Fliegende Blaetttr.
"Can you help me?" said the tramp,
addressing the doctor, who was riding
past. "Perhaps I can," said the doctor
humorously. "I'm a physician. What's
your trouble?" "I think, sir, I need a
little change most." He got it.— New
York Pre*s.
Joachim, the musician, was having his
hair cut, and strenuously insisted that it
should no*, be very short. "Well, sir,"
said the barber, losing patience, "if you,
as a gentleman, don't miud being
taken for a foreigu musiciau, I'm sure I
don't cure."— Christian L'riioit.