SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M. CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. X.
Robert Bonner docs not think the j
rotting mile will icach 2:05.
It is said th;it the general use of the
typewriter has greatly injured the ink
Business.
Although the summer of 1891 was ex
ceptionally cool, murders and suicides I
were unusually numerous, a fact, that
maintains the New York Commercial
throws some discredit on |
the old/'theory that heat provokes to |
crime.
/ A steamboat line will begin running in i
A few weeks between Chattanooga, '
Tcnn., and St. Louis, Mo. The business j
men of Chattanooga arc delighted at the
prospect, which means a reduction in
freights to that point. Within fifteen
jiiays 61000 each were subscribed by 107
of Chattanooga's citizens as a guarantee
fund. The trip of the steamer Herbert
'a few months sinco over the same route,
mude in the interest of Chattanooga
merchants,demonstrated the entire feasi
bility of the scheme, as the Mussel Shoal
Canal made the worst part of the river
navigable, and below that the voyage
was perfectly e-isy.
The American Wool Importer sees the
solution of the deserted farm problem in
New England in the rising of sheep.
"Many ot these deserted farms," it says,
"can be bought from to §ls per acre,
and there are clusters of them where 1000
or more acres can be secured in a body.
These farms can be stocked with grade
aud Southdowns costing at
from $5 to 88 per head, but these breeds
of course should not be run in flocks of
more than thirty to forty head each. We
have recommended Shropshires and
Southdowns because of their siyierior
mutton qualities, and because they are
hardy and early to develop. The llatnp
-Bhiredown will also please, perhaps
equally as well, aud furnish most tooth
some mutton. The New England muttoa
raiser is not only favored with sweet feed
among the limestone and granite ledges
and in the green valley of his domain,
but is also additionally favored by a close
proximity to the best markets in the
country, where early lambs need never
to hunt a buyer and where' prices for
prime mutton arc always good."
The eastern shore of Maryland has
been so little disturbed by immigration,
remarks the Chicago lit raid , that the
region numbers comparatively few sur
names, so that at various times it h'is
been necessary to resort to odd but very
ancient devices to distinguish betweeu
men bearing the same name. The com
monest device is tho patronymic by
which of two men bearing ex ictly the
same Christian and family name one is
distinguished from the other by the ad
dition "of William," "of Thomas," or
"of John," as tho case may be,the mean
ing of the phrase being "son of William,
Thomas or John." Another device once
commonly employed was to couple with
the name an adjective to indicate some
physical peculiarity, as "long" to indi
cate a tall man, "black" to indicate a
dark man or "red" to indicate a ruddy
man. Occasionally tho distinguishing
word is uucomplemeutary. "Devil" is
not an unusual prefix to the Christian
or surname of a man having a reputa
tion for vice or recklessness. A man
bearing one of the best known names in
Maryland carried to his grave this pre
fix. _
The agent of a commercial bureau who
has been through nearly fourteen coun
ties in western Kansas, for the purpose
of obtaining information on which to
base a judgment of the business condi
tions of that part of the country, reports
that that portion of Kansas is enjoying
the most prosperous era in its history.
The banks, he says, are in excellent con
dition; their deposits are increasing, and
they are not using much Eastern mouey,
large amounts being received from fann
ers who are paying off mortgages and
have money ou deposit after doing it.
Tho abundance of the crops this year is
such, he declares, as tom ike up for the
losses sustained by the farmers in pre
vious seasons. According to his obser
vation the chief dillieulty tiiey have tj
contend with is the lack threshing
machines to handle the wheat. Mu; the
farmers do not let this trouble thou
much as they are disposed to hold the
grain for higher prices, believing that
by next February they can get £1 a
bushel instead of sixty cents, which is
the present price. The [irosoenty of tin;
grangers is having its effect on retai 1
business.
THE WORLD AND LIFE.
Ttio onward rushing stream of life
Engrossed his every thought.
The turmoil oft ie day, the strife
With which man's breath was wrought
Made up existence tohismiud;
The world was all in all.
He was a captive—passive, blind-
To struggle or to fall.
Such was his thought; he never knew
What force beyond it lay,
Until across his path Love threw
A rosy, sunlit ray.
He drank its warmth, and then it seemed
'Twas he who ruled the world;
And sweeter than he ever dreamed
Before him lifo unfurled.
—Flavcl Scott .Vines, in Harper's Weekly.
~DORAT~
I.
Duncan Holmes (soliloquizing in street
car) —I don't believe in love at first
sight, but I believe in fate. Ten min
utes ago I wis on my way down town
with the fixed intention of going in that
direction and no other, yet hers I am
riding up town, with not the vaguest
idea of stopping anywhere. What in
duced me to change inv mind so sudden
ly? I have never done such an erratic
thing before. What lovely, lovely eyes
she has!
Conductor—Change cars for Thirty -
tourth street ferry.
Duncan—Shall I change cars? Perhaps
I'd better.
A voicooutside—Bananas! Ten for a
quarter! Put 'em up in a bag for yar?
Duucan—No, Pll stay where I am. It
is true, I saw Sissy Tomkyns in this car
as it passed ine, but I would never run
three blocks for the pleasure of talking
to him. Much more likely to run the
other way. He is an unmitigated ninny
—every one knows that. I was immense
ly relieved when he got oil the car.
Voice at the window—Teu for a quar
ter!
Duncan—And then I got this seat di
rectly opposite her. How fortunate!
Was there ever such a face? And such
beautiful hair! The old lady must be
her grandmother—no, I don't ■want ban
anas. We were so near her when we
were hanging on that strap together that
she heard every word we said. I could
see that plainly. That's Tomkyn's one
virtue, he gives a person such opportun
ities for being orilliant.
(Car goes on.)
Voice in distance—Ten—quarter—bag
for yer
Duncan—lt's fate, that's clear. It is
a little dark in the tunnel, so now I can
look at her without her knowing it. I
have never seen such a pretty profile nor
such a lovely smile. And what a soft,
sweet voice she has ! I would listen to it
all day. The old lady seems to be a
sensible sort of party. Why does she
not drop her fan or her handkerchief, or
do something to give me a chance of
making myself useful?
Conductor—New Haven depot!
Duncan—Nearly every one is getting
off the car. A little tripuu the country
would be agreeable, perhaps. No, I'll
stay in town and go up tho avenue. What
is the old lady saying to bur now? Some
thing about the streets?
Old Lady—We must notgo too far up,
Dora. You will have to ask the con
ductor. (Looks round anxiously.)
Duncan (raising his hat). —Can I be o(
any service, madam?
Old Lady—Thank you. I want to
know where number Fifth avenue is.
Duncan—l am not quite sure, but I
will ask the driver. (Goes out on front
platform.)
Small Hoy in the street —Look.out for
de dog!
(Car stops and frightened cur runs
in.)
Small Boy (gleefully)— There he goes 1
Mad dog, mad dogl
(Lady passengers scream and rush out
the other door.)
Dora—Don't be frightened, grandma.
Wait for me; you will fall, graudma!
Conductor—Well, I never seed such a
stampede.
Passenger (to Duncan) —The young
lady dropped her cape. There she goes;
you can catch her.
Duncan (taking it and rushing out) —
Fate is w; th me!
ii.
Duncan Holmes (smoking in his room)
—What a race I've had all the afternoon
with that fur cape! I distinctly saw
her and the old lady getting into a cab,
and Iran blocks and blocks to catch
them. There was such a crowd in the
avenue that I could hardly keep the cab
in sight—l knew it by the blue curtain
at the back. At last it stopped ; I came
up breathless making my best bow; tho
door opened and two gentlemen got out.
There were two cabs with blue curtains,
and I followed the wrong one. What a
dilemma I was in. I was determiuod to
find her before an advertisement for tiie
cape appcured in the paper, for I would
not relish going to her as if to claim
"twenty dollars reward." I turned the
cape insid3 out in hopes of finding some
clew to the owner, and in the little
pocket was a slip of paper with three
memoranda written in a delicate, run
ning hand: "Notcpaper, milliner,
Charley's slippers." How I envied
Charley, whoever he might be. Her
brother, I thought, and she was going to
order his slippers—a good, kind sister.
There was nothing else in the pocket
except the handkerchief. 1 have kept it
as a souvenir. There can be no harm in
such a theft as that. Some d«j. when
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1891.
we are both old, I shall hunt hor up
again and give it back to her, and we
shall laugh together over the mad-dog
episode. There is metnneholy satisfac
tion in the prospect. It is a pretty little
trifle daintily embroidered in blue, with
her name in one corner—Theodora; a
sweet, stately, name, just suited to her.
This shall never leave me until I
give it into her own hands.
When that time comes my hands will be
wrinkled and snaky and my hair white,
her blue eyes will be dim with years and
her voice cracked—bah! what is the use
of thinking of it? I don't believe in fate,
but I believe in love at first sight. Ah,
me! James is staying a long time. I
told him to ride both ways. What a
mercy it was that I did not carry out my
first plan of applying fox information at
the house in Fifth avenue to which they
were going. I should have looked a
precious idiot. I had made up my mind
to relate the cir incident in an off-hand
way and to describe the two ladies., par
ticularly the old one, her soft, white hair
and grey eyes, and all that, but any one,
at least any woman, would have seen that
I was in love and would have taken infi
nite pleasure in enlightening me. I
thank my lucky stars that I did not go
there, but received another inspiration
when within live yards of the house. I
took one more look at the cape and saw
that it was quite now and had the maker's
name inside the collar. I dashed over to
the elevated, caught the next train, rode
down town, and reached the furrier's
shop just as it was closing up. The pro
prietor was very obliging, called up his
men, had the matter looked into, ami in
formed me that a cape similar to tho one
I showed him had been made a week ago
for a Mi's. Charles Botan. Married,
married—Theodora! He gave me her
address. I shall leave on Saturday and
join mother ami the girls in Switzerland.
Here is James. Well?
James—lt's all right, sir. The ladj
described the capo exactly, so I gave it
to her. She was very much obliged to
you, and the gentleman gave me five
dollars, sir.
Duncan —Yes; very well. Nowlwant
you to pack my small trunk. lam goin<j
to Europe. And, James, about what age
j s —er—the gentleman, Mr. Botan? Did
he seem to be a feeble, delicate-looking
sort of man at all ?
James—No, sir. I took him to be
about thirty-six or seven—a little older
than yourself, sir.
Duncan—Yes. Now go. Fato is
against me 1
in.
Duncan Holmes (in his married sister's
drawing-room two years later) —It was
certainly a strange coincidence, to say
the least. Soon after reaching Geneva
I saw in a New York paper tho death,
"suddenly," of Charles Botan,at tho ad
dress to which 1 had sent the fur cape.
Two weeks ago I came home, and while
attending au afternoon tea, here at Mar
garet's, saw sitting in a corner, dressed
in black, Theodora. I went to my sister
anil whispered, "Who is she?" "She?"
returned Margie, "iu black? Oh, that
is Dora Botan. Poor dear! she has only
just left off her crape. You must meet
her; she is charming." Iu another min
ute wo were standing before her.
Margie said, hurriedly: "Dora, this is
my brother, Duncan Holmes. You have
heard me speak of him," and thou flew
oil to greet n new-comer. Ah, what a
delightful half-hour I passed talking to
her, listening to her Voice, and looking
it to her eyes! She is not much changed,
though sadder than she was, and I fan
cied once that she had a dim recollection
of me, but that is hardly possible. She
did not speak of tho fur-cape incident
nor of her husband. I have met her
twice in the street since then, and last
Sunday I went into church with her.
She promised me she would be here this
evening, and she has kept her word.
(His sister shows Dora in.)
Dora—l am early, I sec. Good
eveniog, Mr. Holmes; are we tho first
ariivals?
Duncan—No; there arc several per
sons in the next room, but it is very
comfortable here.
I) crn —i have not been anywhere for
so long that I feel quite strange.
Duncan—Yet, a inusicale is not a for
midable affair. Have this arm-chair,
and I will take this one. Now, I want
to toll you & secret.
Dora —A secret, Mr. Ilolmes?
Duncan —Yes; and to restore to you
a piece of property of yours which acci
dentally came into my possession two
years ago, and which 1 have felouiously
retained and concealed until now. Oh,
you need not think this a joke, it is
solemn truth. Have you forgotten?
Dora—Have I forgotten what?
Duncan—That we met two years ago,
you and I. There is recollection written
in your eyes, but you do not quite place
me.
Dora —I thought I had seen you be
fore and heard you talk. Only yester
day 1 was thinking
Duncan —Of me? Thank you. Now
listen. 1 came uptown to-day in a street
car, and as we reached the tuuuell heard
a familiar voice which gave me a thrill
of delight. The words it said were un
poetic and commonplace: "Bananas!
ten for a quarter. Put 'em up in a bag
for ycr?" In an instaut I seemed to see
you sitting opposite me, a sweet-faced
old lady at your side. She asked me
where No. Fifth avenue was. Do you
remember now? A hunted dog rau
through the car and you vanished from
my sight. What is the matter? There
are tears in your eyes.
Dora—Yes; I recollect it all. It was
only few weeks before my great, great
sorrow-
Duncan—Oh, pardon me. I did not
mean to grieve you so. II .rk, the music
is beginning. Shall we go into tho other
room?
Dora—No, thank you; wo can hear
very well. Are you fond of music?
Duncan—Yes; very. That fellow
plays well, too.
Dora—l am so glad you thought dear
grandma had a sweet face. It suited her
character exactly. I nearly died when I
lost her, and now I am quite alone.
Duocin—ls she dead? lam shocked
to hear it. I had no idea you were in
mourning for her. (Aside.) Where on
earth is Botan, then?
Dora—Your face shows you are grieved.
Thank you. I remember that you were
very kind that day. (Singing begins.)
That is a fine voice, but I very tired of
the song. Are not you?
Duncan—l do not know it.
Dora—Not kuow "Marguerite?"
Duncan—Yes, yes; of course! Par
don me, I was thiuking of something
else. lam glad we arc not to have
another verse. It is time I restored the
rest of your property to you. This hand
kerchief has been all over Europe with
mi.'.
Dora—Did I drop it in the car? But,
no; you have made a mistake. It is not
mine.
Duncan—Not yours? I found it in the
pocket of your fur cape, and it has youi
Bame. Look—Theodora?
Dora—lndeed you mistake. My name
is Dorothea.
Duncan—l do not understand. Did
not my servant goto your hour in Seven
tieth street?
Dora—No; he could not linve done so,
for I have always lived in Madison ave
nue.
Duncan —But he saw your—your—
Mr. Botan.
Dora—Who can you mean? I have
no brother, and my father has been dead
for ten years.
Duncan—But—but do you mean tn
say you did not lose your fur cape thai
day?
Dora—Mr. Holmes, I assure you 1
never had one. I begin to understand
now. The lady who sat next me in the
car had one on her lap.
Duncan —1 see, I see; I was on a wild
goose chase. But tell me, what is your
name? Margie called you Dora Botan.
Dora—Hero is my visiting card iu her
card-basket—look!
Duncan —Miss Dorothea Boughton—
Mis* Dorothea Boughton! Miss! Well,'
well, what au absurd mistake I
made! Was there ever such a stupid?.
Sissy Tomkyns himself could not have
done worse. Let me explain f-oui the
beginning.
Dora—Hark! A duett.
(Tenor sings.)
"For one brief space we mat,
I looked on thea and loved, and lov-od thee!''
Duncan—That is just my case.
Dora—lt is not polite to talk during
the singing.
Duncan—For two years I have loved
you hopelessly, Dora—Dorothea. What
say you ?
Dora—Hush—sh! Listen I
(Soprauo sings.)
"Look, look in mine eyes
Aud ask, and ask no inore!"
—Frank Leslie's Newspaper.
Pigeons in Journalism.
The Edinburgh evening papers have a
traiued service of carrier pigeons tor use
at race meetings, football or cricket
matches, shooting competitions, etc., and
in out-of-the-way districts where there
is no telegraph or telephone within easy
reach they are often very useful.
They are housed iu quarters specially
erected for them on the flat roof of the
office, the dovecote including an ingen
ious trap arrangement and electric bell.
When a reporter desires to use tho
pigeons lie leaves word the night before
with the person in charge of them. This
is very necessary. When they are to fly
far on auy particular business it is better
that thev should be only lightly fed in
the morning. The pigeons—two or four,
as may be required—are caught in tho
morning and placed in a comfortable
wicker or tin basket, like a small lunch
eon basket, with compartments. The
reporter, when he leaves the otfice, car
ries the basket with him. lie also pro
vides himself with a book of fine tissue
paper, "flimsy," and a sheet of carbon
ized paper, "a black." He writes his
report very legibly aud compactly, so as
to put as much on a page of "flimsy" as
it will possibly hold. Theu he rolls tho
"flimsy" neatly up and attatches it to
the leg of the bird by means of an clastic
band. Or ho may sand two pages of
"flimsy," one on each leg. The pigeon,
being released, makes straight for home.
Time*-Democrat.
Sidewalk Rope-Balanclnjf.
The sidewalks in Havana, Cuba, aro
usually about one foot wide. You bal
ance yourself on the curbstone and walk
along as though walking on a pole fence.
About every second person you meet is
a colored woman, with a big laundry
basket on her head. At first it is a little
awkward, but before you have been here
long you get so tuat you can pass tho
laundry woman without knocking the
basket oil her head, and, if you stay
long enough, you could get a job in most
any circus as a rope walker. On the
principal streets the sidewalks area little
better, but two feet and a half is con
sidered a very wide sidewalk.—JVeM l
York Journal.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; 51.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
An average locomotive costs SIO,OOO.
Iron has been rolled to the thinness of
l-1800th of ail inch.
A new method to utilize coal calm has
been successfully tried.
Antimony is found extensively in Por
tugal, the largest beds being situated
near Braganza.
An electric flying machine was re
cently made to rise to a height of seventy
feet and fly about 400 yards.
The French make paper umbrellas,
rendered wholly waterproof by gelatined
bichromate of potassium.
By the use of the camera, with power
ful telescopes a new and very large crater
has been shown upon the moon's sur
face.
A French electrician has gotten up a
device by which he can send 150 type
written words per minute over a single
wire.
The sturgeon is toothless and draws in
its food by suction, but the shark has
hundreds of teeth set in rows that some
times number ten.
The largest locomotive yet built in
Europe was recently sent out of the
Ilirschau works in Munich, Bavaria. It
is forty-six feet over all and weighs
eighty-four tons.
Telescopic steel masts or rods are to be
used in lighting the public squares in
Brussols, Belgiuju. The object of this
system is to preserve the beauties of the
parks in the daytime.
The effective range of the modern
magazine rifle is not less than a mile, and
the maximum range not less than two
miles. There is danger from richochct
up to a distance of a mile.
As heat resistants we may mention as
bestos, plaster-of-paris, uncalcined gyp
sum, sand, clay, ashes, charcoal, soap
stone, pumice stone, chalk, infusorial
earth, mineral wool, rock, wool.
The Majestic is the most economical
coal burner of any of the Atlantic flyers.
She burns but 220 tons a day, shows
19,500 horse power and makes an average
of over twenty-three miles au hour.
Electricity is playing an important
part iu the working of heavy guns, am
munition hoists, and winches in the
French Navy. New ships are being fitted
with electric appliances iu lieu of hy
draulic gear.
The practice of placing t v e green
boughs of the eucalyptus tree in sick
rooms is growing iu Australia. They
not only act as disinfectarts, but the
volatile scent has also a beneficial influ
ence on consumptive patients.
Smoke is finding its champions in Eng
land, notwithstanding the efforts made
to preveutits diffusion in the atmosphere.
It is claimed that the carbon in the sm Dke
is a powerful deodorizer, and as such, is
a blessing rather than a nuisance.
By means of a powerful jet of com
pressed air a German engiueer drives dry
cement down into the saud ur mud at the
bottom of a stream, so that the water
immediately fixes the cement and it be
comes like solid rock, suitable for founda
tions.
An American machine which will suc
cessfully work out the fibre of sisal from
the plaut has produced a boom iu that
industry never realized with the English
machines heretofore used. The new ma
chine does not cut the fibre, aud the
product leaves the machine ready for the
market.
After the passage of an electric storm
there is quite an appreciable amount of
ozone in the atmosphere, so much so
that its presence may bo frequently de
tected by exposing a piece of blotting
paper, previously dipped in a solution of
starch and iodide of potash, when it will
be turned blue.
The French are now painting their
war vessels a dull, sulphurous gray, ex
actly the color of smoke as it arises from
canuons. They say this color has the
advantage of being as illusive and indis
tinguishable in fogs and sea mists and
darkness as during the smoke of battle.
It is more baffling in the search light
than any other tint.
A five-iuch shot was recently fired
through the cellulose belt of the Danish
cruiser Hepla, entering the bow in the
port side, and coming out on the star
board side. The llepla steamed for
three hours at a speed of sixteen knots
per hour. The cellulose is reported to
have proved so effective that at the end
of the three hours the water-tight com
partment through which the shot passed
contained but two feet of water. During
the run the water rose high above the
shot hole. Cellulose is a water-excluding
substance.
A Rare Book.
The Carnegie Free Library in Alle
gheny, Penn., has become the fortunate
possessor of a copy of Audubon s "Birds
of America,"the gift of Mrs. William
J. Alexander, of Monongahela. The
work is one of considerable rarity and of
great value, copies of the original edi
tion of 1844 selling at from #2500 to
S4OOO. It is not generally known that
the great naturalist's daughters live iu
old homestead near Audubon Park,over
looking ths Hudson. They were once
possessed of considerable wealth, but it
was lost through unfortuuate invest
ments, and they are now in somewhat
straitened circumstances. Some of the
big handsome plates from which Audu
bon's monumental work wits pnuteil ara
preserved in tile Museum of N<»tur:d
History iu Central I'ark. — Bieton T/'iir.-
*cript.
NO. 5.
A HAITNTINO THOUGHT.
If the wind is the breath of the dying,
As ancient legends say,
What rebel soul, defying.
Sweeps down the storm to-dayf
What fruitless, mad regretting
Uttered that lingering wail?
What life of war and tempest
Is spille:! upon the gale*
If the wind is the breath of the dying,
Across this sea of light.
What saintly soul, replying,
Goes out to God to-night?
Whom does this moonlit zephyr ..
Uplift on its white breast?
What spirit, pure and patient,
In rapture sinks to rest?
—Elizabeth Stuart Phelps, in Independent.
HUMOIt OF THE DAY.
The tramp's style of expression is never
labored.— Washington Star.
Jagson says it's a lone; loan that lias no
returning.— Klmirct Lrazette.
Even the strictest vegetarian believes
it is meet that he should eat.— Boston.
Courier.
We have hair-dressing parlors, and
why not dental drawing-rooms?— Boston,
Gazette.
The "balance of the season" is what
troubles paterfamilias. — Boston Common
wealth.
"No, Gubbins, you will never be a
brain-worker." "Why not?" "Haven't
got the tools."— Dansville Breeze.
There's one good thing a bad boy
won't take, and that is good advice—
Richmond Record.
The dear hunting season has been trans
ferred from the beach to tho drawing
room.—l'ittshurg Dispatch.
In the world of fashion every old hen
has her set. And they manacre to hatch
out a good deal of mischief. — Terns
Si/tings.
The barber who will invent a style of
whiskers which the wind can't blow
through has a fortune awaiting him.—
Buffalo Express.
"So you live in Chicago?" "Yes.
"Are you interested in the fair?" "You
bet, I'm engaged to three of 'em at pres
ent."— Cape Cop Item.
Some one says "poets are declining;"
this is evidently a mistake. Every poet
will tell you that it is the editors who
are declining.— Richmond Recorder.
The youug man who sajs "Thank
you!" when the girl he loves has
promised to be his wife ought never to
say it in words.— Someroille Journal.
He took the coin they gave him there,
Its looks he could not trust;
He raised it to his lips with care—
'Twas thus he oit the dust.
Washington Star.
Mrs. Pendergrast (in disgust) —"You
call these shades alike! Is there anything
you can match?" Mr. Prendergrast—
"Yes. Pennies."— Kate Field's Washing
ton.
"Father," asked a boy, "why do they
call this place the Exchange?" "Be
cause, my sou, it is where we exchauge
money for experience."— Boston Bul
letin.
He (seriously)—"Do you think your
father would object to my marrying
you?" She—"l don't know. If he is
anything like me he would."— Brooklyn
Life.
If some people were to do unto others
as they would have others do to them
they would not have a single moment in
which to look out for themselves.—
Dallas News.
"You had better accept Mr. Hippie,"
laid Mrs. Elder to her daughter; "it is
your last chance." "You thiak this is
the court of last resort, do you, mamma,"
asked the girl.— Detroit Free Press.
Editor-in-Chief (to managing editor)
-
signed." Managing Editor—"James has
abdicated, sir, not resigned. James,
you know, was offico boy."— Jury.
The husband was reading the news at night.
And his wife said: "Pell me, pray,
How mauy balloonist? were killed outright
Who made ascensions to-day?"
—Xew York H-ess.
"H'm—that young man of yours—is
he worth anything, financially?" "Why,
yes, papa. lie is worth at least $35 a
week to the store, he says, though they
only give him ten."— lndianapolis Jour
nal.
jinks—"Waite would be a good mar
to start a church." Fiukius—"Why
so?" Jinks—"He has sisters enough
among our leading families to start i
good-sized congregation."— New Ymi
Herald.
Miss Pearl White—"l wish you to
paint my portrait." Dobbins—"l'm
sorry, ma'am, but I can't do it." Miss
Pearl White—"Why not?" Dobbins—"l
never copy other paintings."— Cincinnati
QatetU.
First Jeweler —"Do you sell that new
house of Upson, Downs & Co?" Second
Jeweler —"No longer; I sold them sev
eral large bills. They paid promptly at
maturity, so I stopped."— Jeweler's
Circular.
Visitor —"I have often wanted to visit
a lunatic asylum, but I suppose there is
none in the city." Resident—"No, but
we've got a Board of Trade. (Proudly)
Como along. It's in session. It will do
just as well."— Boston Herald.
First Youth (at railway depot)—
"Traveled fari" Second Youth—"Not
yet, but I expect to before I stop. lam
going west to seek my fortune." First
Youtlv—"l just got back. Lend me i
dime, will you?"— Kama* City Jovrnai.