SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M. CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. X.
Over thirteen humhed trade journals
•re now, published in thfl United States.
A commercial organ believes that
Maine is destined to become the centre of
the paper and pulp industry.
Statistics goto show that the male
population of the civilized world is fall
ing farther- and farther behiud tho fe
male.
France is now trying to induce Brazil
to enter into a reciprocity treaty similar
to that recently entered into with tho
United States.
The Liverpool Journal of Commerce
is informed that the engineering world
■will shortly be startled by the appearance
of a new engine which will revolutionize
motive power.
A few days ago, soliloquizes the Bos
ton Transcript, American boodlers were
all headed for Canada. Now Canadian
boodlers ere coming across the border.
Boodliug is a bad rule that works both
ways.
A weighing machine has been invented
which weighs cars at the rate ot" six per
minute, the cars being moved along the
track. A device automatically records
the weights on a piece of tape similar to
that used on the ticker machine.
While Hats are becoming increasingly
popular in Frauce among people of mod
erate means, people in a corresponding
position in Germany aro as anxious to
live in houses of their own, and a com
pany has just been formed in Berliu to
enable them to do so.
The native population of Alaska has
decreased 8000, or over twenty per cent.,
in ten years. The cause, laments the St.
Louis Republic, was the usual one—edu
cation by association with whi>c people
and the attempt to assimilate the highly
developed vices of civilization.
Says the San Francisco Chronicle.
Over one hundred of tho Mcscalero
Apaches in New Mexico have asked that
lands be set apart for them in severalty.
Quite recoutly an extensive allotment of
this sort was made in the Southern part
of this State. This is the correct solu
tion of the Indian problem. Give them
the same privileges as the white man,
aud no more, and let them sink or swim.
Two new Atlantic liners, to be COO
feet long aud faster than anything afloat
are guaranteed by the builders to be
ready for sea early in the spring of 1593.
They will bo almost as long as the Great
Eastern, though not nearly so wide.
They will have quite as much engine
power as that unfortunate steamship had,
but it will be so compact and econo
mized that it will not occupy one-third
as much space nor be one-quarter the
weight of the old paddle aud screw
engines.
It is difficult to estimate, confesses the
New York News, the amouut of money ;
that has been left in Europe this year by j
American tourists. Taking all the ex- |
penses into consideration, however, the
passages out and home and the average
sum disbursed on the other side, the
aggregate cannot be far from 675,000,-
000. All of this has to be paid
out of the products of lal>or in this couu
try,and if it is not returned in the shape
of the gold paid for our wheat, petrole
um and other articles, it will represent
tho cost paid by this country for the
pleasure of its citizens abroad.
In no other department of the World's
Columbian Exposition, perhaps, will be
seen a greater diversity of exhibits than
in that of mines and mining. Not only
will there be a dazzling array of dia
monds, opals, emeralds and other gems,
and of the precious metals, but a most ex
tensive collection of iron, copper, lead,
other ores, and of their product; of coal,
granite, marble, sandstone and other
building stouc; of soils, salt, petroleum,
and, indeed, of almost everything, use
ful or beautiful, belonging to the mineral
kingdom. How extensive the mineral
exhibit from other countries will be, it is
yet too early to know, but the indica
tions are that it will surpass any that has
heretofore been made. However that
may be, there is no doubt that the mineral
resources and products, not only of this
country as a whole, but of each State and
section, will be of the most complote <ina
representative description. Chief Skiff,
of the Department of Mines aud Mining,
is confident that this will be the re
sult of the plans which he is pursuing.
BETWEEN THE GATES.
Between the gates of birth and death
I An old and saintly pilgrim passed,
i With J' ok of one who witnesseth
The >ng-sought goal at last.
, "O the i whose reverent feet have found
The : taster's footprints in thy way,
And walked thereon as holy ground,
A boon of thee I pray.
"My lack would borrow thy excess,
My feeble faith the strength of thlno;
1 need thy soul's white saintliness
To hide the stains of mine.
. "The grace and favor else denied
1 May well be granted for thy sake."
So, tempted, doubting, sorely tried,
A younger pilgrim spake.
"Thy prayer, my son, transcends my gift;
Nopowor is mine," the sage replied,
"The burden of a soul to lift.
Or stain of sin to hide.
«
"Howtfcr the outward life may seem,
For pardoning grace we all must pray;
No man his brother can redeem
Or a soul's ransom pay.
"Not always age is growth of good;
Its years have losses with their gain;
Against some evil youth withstood
Its hands may strive in vain.
"With deoper voice than any speech
Of mortal lips from man toman,
What earth's unwisdom may not teach
The Spirit only can.
"Make thou that holy Guide thine owu,
And, following where it leads the way,
The known shall lunso <•< the unknown
As twilight intOi
"The best of earth shall still remain,
And Heaven's eternal years shall provo
That life and death, and joy and pain
Are ministers of Love."
—John Q. Whittier, in the Independent.
AUNT MEHETABLE'S VISIT.
BY AMY JtANDOLPU.
"It's all very well for tbem to invite
me togo and visit them down in York
State," said old Miss Mehetable Bevis;
"but, of course, they know that I won't
come."
"Of course!"' snarled Mr. Bevis, who
did not believe in anybody but himself,
"Why should they want you, Mehetty?
You ain't very young, nor yet you ain't
very attractive."
"In that case," said Mebetable, not
without a lingering vestige of spirit,
"I'm surprised, Brother Reuben, that you
and Betsy tolerate me here."
"Wa'l," said Parmer Bevis, slowly
taking tho pipe out of his mouth, as if
this were a new and unconsidered ques
tion, "you're my sister, Mehetty, and
you've a natural claim on me. Of course
I ain't goin' to see none of my kith and
kin turned on the poor-house. And I
don't deny, mind, Mehetty," he made
haste to add, as he saw the indignant
color mounting to her cheeks, "but that
you earn your victuals. You're a smart
worker, Mehetty, and a'.ways was. And
Betsy is glad, with her big family, to
have some one to help around."
"I should thiuk so," said Mehetable.
"Why, lieuben, you could not hire any
body to come here and do tho work I
accomplish for four dollars a week, let
alone the board and lodging!"
"What's all this got to do with tho
question ? What I meant to say was that
Brother Ben's fashinable city daughter
and her husband can't care about plain
folks like us."
"I am sure they enjoyed their visit
here," observed Mehetable, knitting
away as if her needles were electric
wires. "And nothing could be more
cordial than the invitation they gave me
to return it."
"City folks nro always smooth
spoken," said Mrs. Bevis, a lantern
juwed, faded-eyed, blue-nosed woman,
with her face eternally tied up in a yellow
silk pocket-handkerchief, and a most
aggravating way of singing her sen
tences through her nose. "I'm glad I
charged 'em a good high price for
granny's old spinning-wheel, since you
wouldu't let me ask no board-money."
"I should think not," said Miss
Mehetable. "Reuben's own brother's
daughter! Board, indeed."
"Of course, Mehetable will do as she
pleases about visitin' 'em," said Mis.
lieuben Bevis, working diligently away
at her "Fool's Chase" quilt pattern.
"But it was very plain that they only
asked her because they thought it was a
duty. And if Mehetable goes ofl and leave/,
us just now with tho quilting and the
peach-butter and the apple butter all at
onee—"
'•Well, what then?" said Mehetable,
knitting away faster than ever.
Mrs. Bevis tossed her head.
"In that case," said she, "you needn't
be surprised if we hire some one elso in
your place. And, of course, you won't
expect to come back to free board and
lodging here."
Miss Mehetable laid down her work.
"Before this morning." said she,
crisply, "I hadn't made up my miud.
Now, I have. I shall goto Mrs. Walter
Cherryfield's. If matters have come to
such a pass that I can't go and come
when I choose, but must drudge on day
by day like a slave, why, then, it's time
I knew it."
"You and Betsy never could agree,"
groaned Reuben Bevis, with a lugubrious
countenance.
"It ain't my fault," snapped Mrs. Reu
ben. "There ain't no saint in the calen
dar could stand what I've stood with
Mehetty's temper."
"Guess you'd better patch up a peace,"
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, OCTOBER 30, 1891.
urged Mrs. Bevis. "Hired help is dread
ful scarce, Betsy—and, as for you, Me
hetty, 'taint long one would put up with
your old-maidy ways as Betsy does."
But the "little rift within the lute"
once split apart, was past mortal power
to mend. Betsy took herself and her
neuralgia sulking out of the room. Me
hetable quietly but steadfastly adhered
tpher resolution—and Mr. Reuben Bevis
at last lost his temper.
"Wa'l, Mehetty," said ho, "go your
own way. But you're as contrary a
piece as ever I sat eves on, and I don't
know how I and Betsy ever got along
with you all these years. P'r'aps it's
best we should pait now—but don't you
come back to me for food and sheltor—
that's all!"
"I shan't nsk you for even that much,
Reuben," said his sister, quietly rising
and putting up her work. "But we're
brother and sister after all, and after ten
years of steady work for you and yours,
I'd a little rather have parted in good
will and amity."
"That's bosh!" said Bevis, gruffly.
"You've had your own way, and I hope
you'll find it pays best in the long run."
Mehetty went slowly to her room,
packed her trunk and dressed herself in
an antique debeige dress, cut in the
fashion of full twenty years ago, with a
shirred poke bonnet, thick calf-skin
boots and pale-blue cotton gloves, while
uuder her arm she carried a green gin
gham umbrella, thriftily patched with
material of a darker emerald.
"I'll settle the question at once," she
murmured to herself, "whether or not
they are ashamed of their old Aunt Me
hetable, from Deer-Horns, up in Maine!"
And then, wishing Reuben and Betsy a
pleasant good bye, which neither of them
saw tit to notice by word or look, she went
straight to the stage-office.
Lawyer Darkley rushed out of his office
as she stepped briskly by in her squeaking
new boots which, as tho errand-boy re
marked, sotto voce, "was every bit as
good as a band of music," and smilingly
accosted her:
"Miss—ahem!— Miss Bevis, aro you
leaving town without any moro definite
instructions as to—"
"Hush!" said Mehetable, übruptly.
"Not a word! Yes. I will write in a
day or two. Remember, Mr. Darkley,
everything is confidential between us."
The lawyer nodded, and retired once
more into his little den, and Miss Bevis
hurried onto catch the afternoon stage.
Mr. and Mrs. Walter Cherryflcld were
having a little evening reception that
bleak November night. Miss Mehetabif
Bevis had not been ignorant of this fact;
in truth, Mrs. Walter had mentioned it
incidentally in her last letter to Deer-
Horns; and she marched up the steps
looking curiously at the brilliautly lighted
windows.
"And now we shall decide this mat
ter," she said to herself, "as to whether
my city cousins are glad to see me."
Yes, Mrs. Cherryfield was at home.
The waiter looked dubiously at the
strange guest, so unlike the fancy figures
muffled in soft white garments that made
them seem like floating clouds, that cainc
and went from satin-liued carriages close
to tho curbstone. He would call her,
he said, if the lady would step into a
side room and wait. It was Mrs. Cherry
fie'd birth-night, and—
"No," said Mehetable, "I will go in
to her. Stand aside, my good man, if
you please!"
Mrs. Cherryfield's face flushed up with
unmistakable pleasure at this unexpected
apparition, as she hurried to meet tho
visitor from Deer-Horns.
"Aunt Mehetty," she cried. "Oh, this
is a surprise, indeed! lam so glad to
see you. Here's Walter, aud here arc
my girls! And now you must let me in
troduce you to my friends. This is Mr.
Warrenton, tho artist; you know I told
you about him last summer—and Miss
Briginage, who wrote the volume of
poems you liked so much—and this is
Miss Stallenkamp and Miss De Vauren —
but what a thoughloss cieatiue I am!
Let me take you up to ray room to re
move these heavy wraps!"
1 'No," cried cheery Walter Checryficld.
"Up to your room, indeed! Wh(»t for,
Alice? Aunt Mehetable shall tako off
her things here, and then wo won't lose
u bit of the fun. It's like a whiff of the
fresh mountain breeze to see Aunt Mehet
ty's fuce again—and I'll lead off the Vir
ginia reel with her myself!"
While the girls clustered around her,
to introduce their friends, anxious
to make her wholly and entirely at home,
so cordial aud sunny, that Miss Meheta
ble scarcely knew whether to laugh or
cry.
"Reuben said your invitation was a
mere matter of form," said she in a
choked voice. "That you didn't want
to see me! But I guess Reuben ain't
such a good judge of character as ho
thinks himself."
And then the umbrella, poke-bonnet
and clogs having been removed by the
trim littlo maid servant with the blue
ribbons in her hair, Aunt Mehetty was
whirled down the center by Walter Cber
rytield in genuine country style.
Aunt Mchetable stayed a month with
the Uherryfields. She drove in" Central
Park, looked with awe-struck eyes at the
smoke-crowned serpents of tho elevated
road gliding above her head, and wan
dered through the aisles of the Metropol
itan Museum. She went to see the
obelisk, was taken over Brooklyn Bridge
and when ehn went home to Deer-
Horns and tried to think of thein all,she
felt as if her brains had been chopned up
into very line hash.
"But if I'd be the President's lady
herself," Miss Bevis always added, "the
! Cherry field's couldn't have made a greater
fuss over met"
She had not been at the village hotel
more than two days before her brother
Reuben drove over In his funny litfiie
one-horse buckboard.
"Morniti'," said Reuben, suecintly
"Heard yc had a nice time at Alice's."
"I never enjoyed myself so much in all
my life," Miss Mehetable answered, with
spirit, "nor never was treated better!"
"Iluinph!" said Reuben. "Wa'l,
Betsy don't seem to get along with the
hired help we've employed; and so, as
we concluded you'd be glad to get homo
agaiu, I've fetched the buckboard for
you."
"Much obliged," said Mies Mehetable;
"but this is home."
Reuben stared around the room.
"Why," said he, with lobster eyes of
amazement, "this 'ere must cost you a
dollar a day, at the very least I"
"About that," said Miss Mehetable,
serenely. "Hut I calculate, Brother
Reuben, that I can afford it. I didn't
tell you, did I, about those Leadville
bonds I took just to accommodate Lean
der Jarvis's widow, before she went
West. I held my tongue about 'em, for
I was afraid I had done a foolish thing,
but they've quadrupled in value, and
Lawyor Darkley has just sold 'em out
aud invested thirty thousand dollars for
me in government stock. So I can live
pretty much as I please."
Reuben involuntarily took off his
slouch hit—a sort of tribute to the heii
ess of all this wealth.
"Well, I do declare tor *t !'* said he,
"Some folks have all the luck. Why,
Miriam Jarvis wanted to sell me them
bonds at par, and I told her I'd have
nothing to do with such wild-cat stuff,
not at no price."
"And," added Mi*s Mehetable, with a
secret satisfaction in the too perceptible
changes of her brother's flint-like face,
"I've made my will, and I've left it to
my niece Alice and her girls. I like to
think that honest and friendly folks will
enjoy it when I am gone."
Reuben Bevis turned silently und went
out. Aud when lie related the story to
his wife, he added, with true matrimonial
courtesy:
"It's all your fault, Botsy. You must
up swid quarrel with her when there
wasn't no occasion. Women if such
blamed fools 1"
"Everything is always my fault," an
swered the despondent Betsy, bursting
into tears. "There never was a woman
so tried as I be I"— Neu> York Letljcr.
First American Water Works.
John Christopher Christensen, a Dan
ish Moravian, built the lirst water works
in the United States in 1762 at Bethle
hem, Penn. Tho machinery is thus de
scribed in an early print. It consisted
of three single-acting force-pumps, hav
ing a calibre of four inches and an
eigliteeu-inch stroke, which were worked
by a triple crank and geared to an un
dershot water wheel having a diameter
of eighteen feet, and two feet clear in
the buckets. Tho total head of water
was two feet. On the shaft of the wheel
was a wallower of thirty-three rounds
and gearing into a spur-wheel of lifty
two cogs, attached to the crank. The
three piston rods were attached each to
a frame or cross-head working in
grooves to give them a parallel motion
with the pump. This cross-head was of
wood, as were also all tho parts contain
ing the grooves as guides.
A lirst these works were capable of
raising tho water to a perpendicular
height of seventy feet, but afterward
were so arranged that the power was in
creased to 114 feet.
As late as 1832 tho primitive affair
continued in full operation. Gum wood
was used in the construction of the first
rising maiu, because it was strong
enough to resist the great pressure at
that point, but the remainder was co n
posed of pitch pine. Thirty-six years
after this main was laid lead pipes were
substituted, aud in 1813 iron ones were
introduced and served the purpose until
the works were replaced by those of
moro modern pattern.— Detroit Fret
Pres*.
Primitive Pottery.
Tho primitive potters kneaded clay by
hand and baked the articles made from
it in the sun, but they were very porous
and fragile. Then it ocuurrcd to the
potters to subject them to the action ol
the fire and thus increase their consist
ency and resistance, but the wares still
remained porous, which led to the dis
covery of making them impermeable by
covering them with a glaze. The early
glaee was, however, hardly moro than u
varnish, and the white enamel glaze ol
the present day has been attained by a
long series of experiments too intricate
to detail in this column.
Pottery which is coated with this en
amel is by the French called faience. In
Italy it is known as majolica, because
tho methods employed by the Italians
were imported from an island of thai
namo.— Philadelphia Record.
Asiatic Pheasants in Oregon.
It is said that the Asiatic pheasants
that were imported aud set free in the
forests of Oregon some years ago, have
fully justified tho hopes of their impor
ters by the rapidity with which they have
multiplied where they have not been mo
lested by hunters. These birds are of
very gorgeous plumage, and are excellent
game fowls, being stroug and hardy, of
lari>e 3ize and very good eating. Strin
gent laws have been passed to protect
them from pot hunters.— 'Picayune.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Coffee acto as a germicide.
Eleotric pleasure-boats are successful.
An automatic electrical pump has ap
peared.
A process for photographing in colors
has been patented in London.
It is estimated that the coal strata un
derlying Colorado exceeds 30,000 square
miles.
To make cloth that is used in lining
shoes waterproof, use oiled silk or hoat
the linings in melted paraffin.
A station cf the maritime zoology of
the Johns Hopkins University has just
been opened at Port Antonio in Jamaica.
A society has been formed at Berlin
for (he purpose of co-operating in as
tronomical and meteorological re
searches.
A mining corporation in the copper
region of upper Michigan will sink the
deepest shaft in the world—over 4000
feet, at least.
Minute electric lights are successfully
used in dentistry, making the very small
cavities visible when they would other
wise escape notice.
By a recent appliance to kitchen
ranges the refuge from the kitchen is
thoroughly dried, converted into char
coal and used as fuel.
Although diamonds will stand a very
high temperature when held in vacuum,
the admission of air causes them to burn
almost as readily as coal.
A recent invention used in factories
enables any person in any part of tho
factory to stop the main engine by simply
pushing an electric button.
Ellison is now at work on an electric
motor to replace tho ordinary locomotive.
It is designed to take up electricity from
a central rail and to develop at least one
thousand horse power.
The French have planted works at
Havre, France, for utilizing the ebb and
flow of the tide to work turbine wheels
to generate power for the dynamos to
supply Paris with light.
Small cups are now being used with
great success by oculists for the cure of
long-sightedness and kindred diseases of
the eye. The cupping restores the cir
culation and strengthens the tissues.
A new invention by which it is said
that the stamps ou 40,000 letters can be
canceled in an hour is on trial in tho New
York Postoflice. It is operated on tho
rotary system, aud is run by electricity.
A new treatment for yellow fever has
cured every case of this disease in San
tiago de Cuba. The principal part of
tho new process consists in placing the
patient in whal is termed a "polar"
room.
In establishing the longitude of Mc-
Gill College in Montreal, Canada, by
means of the telegraph.it was found that
it took the electric current 1.05 seconds
to cross the ocean and return, a distance
of 8000 miles.
At the naval exposition in LondoD,
there is a colossal electric lamp, con
structed by the ndmirality. It gives a
light equal to that of 5,000,000 candles,
and is placed iu a model light-house,
fifty-six meters above the grouud.
Notwithstanding the assertion that
there is no animal life in Death Yalloy,
the Government surveying party has
found 200 varieties of mammals and six
ty varieties of reptiles, specimens of
which have been forwarded to Washing
ton.
There arc said to be no moles in Ire
land. Mr. C. I. Trusted, of the British
Naturalists' Society, has never seen a
mole-hill in that country, aud an ac
quaintance of his at Belfast,a naturalist,
says,"lt is a fact that molc3 do not exist
in Ireland."
Progress in electric roads can be seen
from the following: In 1885 there were
only three in this country. Now we
have 325 roads, with 4000 car 3. Tho
comparative cost per car inile is 18.12
cents, while for horse cars we have 13.10
cents and for cable 14.12 cents.
Professor Karl Myer, who is conduct
ing the Government experiments for pro
ducing rain artificially, has invented
what he calls a "sky bicycle." It is a
torpedo-shaped balloon, to which is sus
pended a machine similar to tho frame
work of a bicycle. Curious paddlewheels
produce the propelliug power for the
apparatus.
Sink or Swim Eggs.
"Hi, there! These eggs don't swim,"
exclaimed a man in a Milwaukee restau
rant one day last week.
He had been trying to float some soft
boiled eggs in a glass of cold water.
"They don't swim? Well, supposin'
they don't?" replied a waiter, who had
come to find out what tho man was yell
ing about.
"That's what's the matter; supposin'
they don't. I'll tell you what's the
trouble pretty quick. Do yuu notice
that egg? It sinks to the bottom ker
chug when put into cold water. Now,
my wife is just as good a cook as there
is in this town, and she says that au egg
that will sink in cold water like that af
ter it has been sott-boilcd is jest about
ready to hatch. Sh! Can't you hear a
peep?"
Tho eggs that could not swim were
exchanged for others that were fried,
while a number of other customers who
had soft-boiled eggs spoiled glasses of
cold water to find out whether their eggs
were sink eggs or swim eggs.— Peck'*
Hun.
NO. 3.
DOWN THE STREAM.
Love! It began with a glanea,
Grew with the growing of flowery
Smiled in a dreamful trance,
Keckonod not the passage of hours-
Our passions flood rose ever,
Flowing for her and me.
Till the brook became a river.
And the river became a sea.
Grief! It began with a word,
Grew with the winds that ravod;'
A prayer for pardon unheard.
Pardon in turn uncravedj
The bridge so easy to sever.
The stream so swift to be free, ,
Till the brook became a river,
And the river became a sea.
Life? It tegau with a sigh.
Grew with the leaves that are dead;
Its pleasures with wings to fly,
Its sorrows with limbs of lead;
And rest remaineth never
For the wearier years to be.
Till the brook shall become a rivor,
And the river become a sea.
—Robert Lord Houghton.
HUMOR or THE DAY.
Hps and downs of poverty—The rag
ged edges of your collar and your trous
ers.
There are tricks in all trades, partic
ularly horse trades.— Binghamton liepub
lican.
Kammerer —"How do you feel when
a man strikes you?" Haimnercr—"l
feel for him."— Puck.
When a man begins to blow you may
know he is trying to take things by
storm.— Qalveston News.
"Oh, mamma," exclaimed little John
nie, "the trees in our yard are getting
bald-headed I"— Binghamton Bejrublican.
The oratory of some men may not
move mountains, yet it often succeeds in
making a big blulf. — Westfield Standard.
"The shoemaker who breathed his
last" should not be pointed to as a man
of phenomenal lung power.— Washing
ton Star.
Mrs. Steptin (calling upon Mrs. Solder,
the plumber's wife) —"And how is Sir.
Solder?" Mrs. Solder—"Oh, has mend
ing slowly."
Sho—"l suppose in Bohemia every
one is Tom, Dick and Harry?" He—
"Well, yes; but Bills are rather more
numerous."— Brooklyn Life.
We may boast about our refined civili
zation ; but when a man doesn't turn to
look at a dog fight, it is safe to bet that
he is cither blind or deaf.— Puck.
However much we feel of woe
From saying things we dread,
We find it harder stilt to know
The things to eave unsaid.
—Judge.
"What was ths collect this morning?"
asked papa, desiring to see if liis son re
membered anything of the church ser
vice. "Foreign missions," returned
Tommy.— Sew York Herald.
"Good nature or amusement, among
the people of the earth," writes an in
habitant of Mars, "is expressed by a
movement of the mouth which exposes a
portion of the skull."— Puck.
Traveler—"What is that tall chim
ney for? Someone putting up a fac
tory?" Citizen—"Naw. That's Jim
Bisbcc's well. Cyclone turned it insido
out."— lndianap lis Journal.
A strcet-car driver in Toledo recently
rau over a young lady aud she was
thrown to the giouud. He was prompt
ly fired by the company for knockiug
down the fare.— DejiMce Crescent.
"Where are you going, niy pretty maid?"
"I'm going to Sunday-school, sir," she said.
"Cau I go with you, my pretty maid?"
"We've uad oiu* picnic, kind sir," slie said.
—Sew York HcraM.
"liemr -ber, my son, that the owl's
reputat' \»a for wisdom is not due to his
staying out all night. Jt is rather due to
the tact that he has too much seuse to
stay up all night and day too."—lndian
apolis Journal.
Watts—"l don't approve of this idea
of burying every eminent citizen with a
brass band." Potts—"lt would not be
so bad, though, if they'd bury a brass
band with every eminent citizen."—
Indianapolis Journal.
Maud—"What are you reading?" Pim
mio—'' 'A Mau Without a Country.' It's
such a painful story." Maud (looking
drearily up and down the beach) —"It
isu't half as painful as a country without
a man."— Chicago Tribune.
"Why is this boat backing up?" asked
the passenger on the steamer. "Oh,"
said the mate, "the captain's wife and
baby are on board, and the baby
wouldn't goto sleep until he'd seen the
engines reversed."— New York Sun.
Madam is at the draper's, in the act ol
selecting material for a new dress. "No,
that is not the kiud of thing I want; it
is too bright—too loud. My husband is
very ill aud I should like something a
little quieter—say half mourning."—
he Petit lllustre.
Swayback—"Hello, Javsmith! What
did that straw hat cost you?" Jaysmith
—"I gave the clerk a five-dollar note for
that hat." Swayback (incredulous)
"What?" Jaysmith—"And he gave mo
back four dollars in chauge."— Pittsburg
Chronicle- Telegraph.
Husband (newly mirried) —"Don't
you think, love, if I were to smoke it
would spoil the curtains'" Wife—"Ah,
you are really the most unselfish and
thoughtful husband to be found any
where. Certainly it would." Husband
—"Well, theu, take the curiuiu3 down."
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