SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
Emperor William wants to nationalize
the German railways. He would like to
see the change made before next year.
There is a vast amount of private
wealth in Chili, and the aristocrats are
lavish iu their expenditures. Many of
the private residences in Santiago aro
veritable palaces and are magnificently
furnished.
The arid lands capable of cultivation
are estimated at 100,000,000 acres by
Major Powell, of the United States Geo
logical Survey. They can be cultivated
only through irrigation. At present the
sites for reservoirs and irrigating ditches
are withheld by Congress from settlement
or sale.
It must be a sharp surprise, surmises
the St. Louis Star-Hayings, for villages
that have uestled at the base of a mount
ain for years to be suddenly ingulfed in
hot lava which pours from the mountain's
top. That is what happened in Armenia
the other day. Inhabitants a'i I real es
tate in that neighborhood have both suf
fered from the mountain's debut as a vol
cano.
In spite of the lack of faith in certain
juries in New Orleans, observes the Chi
cago Uerald , the people there keep up a
custom which is indicative of the deepest
respect for the courts. Visitors to the
city arc apt to encounter chains stretched
across important streets and traffic sus
pended thereon. Inquiry brings the au
sivcr that the streets are closed because
they lead by the courts and the courts are
iu session. When courts adjourn the
chains arc tossed asule and traffic goes
on again.
i The doctors are. fond of telling pa
tients, asserts the San Francisco Chroni
cle, that, any particular symptoms which
they describe aro the work of their im
agination, but a recent case has shown
they are liable to error. A woman who
has just <1 ied in Bridgeport, Conn., want
ed the hospital physician two years ago
to recover a set of false teeth which she
declared she had swallowed. An opera
tion showed the stomach to be empty,
but the doctors told her (he teeth had
been found. A post-mortem examina
tion showed she had lived two years
with the false teeth in her gullet.
Only about twenty-five United States
ships, exclusive of the revenue cutters
and the training squadron, are now in
conunissiou, but it is estimated that five
years hence there will be forty-nine ships
available for active service, aud that of
these only three or four will be of the
antiquated "types that now make up the
bulk of the navy. Before that time ar
rives, however, there will be a vast change
~ft the make up of various squadrons.
The Asiatic squadron in particular will
hove got itself a new outfit. Several of
the vessels on that station have been kept
there for years past chiefly because they
were unfit for the voyage home across
the Pacific.
The rage for high buildings in Chi
cago is increasing rather than abating in
intensity. More tall structures pierce
the sky than arc to he seen in auy other
city, but they are few in comparison with
the others that will rise in a compara
tively short time at the present rate of
construction. Every office building now
adays must run lrom fifteen to twenty
stories high, and new ones arc being
projected utmost daily. Where this rage
will stop no one cau tell. The man who
puts up a twenty-two story building will
be beaten by the next one, and so on,
until wo may yet have buildings which
tower above the clouds, with occupants
enjoying sunshine and fair weather while
the rest of us are slushing around in the
rain and fog below.
The grasshopper plague is apparently
to have a successor in a caterpillar
plague, notes the Chicago Herald. Re
ports from British Columbia state that
swarms of these pests are appearing
along the railroad lines, covering the
tracks and giving evidence of phenome
nal numbers that bode no good to the
season's agriculture. The cable reports
a IFKe phenomenon iu Bavaria, where
men, women and children are engaged
fighting caterpillars. Like grippe, it
may be that this nowest torment is to
seise Europe and America simultan
eously. Science offers no means of ef
ficient resistance. The ravages of the
locust are still visible in Kansas and
other Western States. The American
farmer will have a sorry year if a visita
tion of caterpillars is to he added to
grasshopper.
THE STARRS HOST.
Aie countlnss stars which to our human mye
Are fixed and steadfast, each in proper
place.
Forever bound to changeless points in
space,
Bush with our sun and planets through
the sky,
And like a flook of birds still onward fly;
Returning never whence began their race,
They speed their ceaseless way with
gleaming face,
As though God bade them win Infiuity.
Ah, whither, whither is their forward flight
Through endless time and limitless ex
panse?
What power with Unimaginable might
First hurled thorn forth to spin in tireless
dance?
What beauty lures them on through
primal night.
So that, for them, to be is to advance?
—BishopSpalding, in the Century.
OLD HUNDRED, B. C, AND
THE BICYCLE.
BY AMOS R. WEILS.
OM Hundred's real name was P. T.
Simmons. "Just P. T;" ho always in
sisted. "They don't st'ind for anything.
Father and mother ran out of names
when they etime to me, and gave me ini
tials. " Ho the village wag dubbed him
Old Hundred, for short, and the name
adhered.
For Old Hundred was one of those
dried up little men who might be con
sidered twenty if some inconvenient t.ld
ladies did not remember holding them in
their arms just forty years ago. He wore
a dainty juvenile mustache, walked with
a smart swing, although one might no
tice that his heels came down rather
stiffiy, and played games among the most
frivolous at the church socials.
He was a tailor, an excellent one, by
the way, and his apprentices had by this
time ceased to grin and chuckle when
their master sprang down from his cross
legged position on the table every morn
ing precisely at ten, as B. C. passed on
her way to the postoffice, after the mail.
He would jump down, snatch up his hat
iu an absent minded, blushing way, and
remark that the mail must be distributed
by thi? time. If the apprentices had
ceased to smile at this sort of thing, you
may be sure that it had become uu old
story.
Indeed, Old Hundred had been court
ing B. C. for a long, long time. And
that was too bad, because 13. C. deserved
a better fate, a more vigorous lover. No
one could tell when Susy Bennett was
first culled B. C. If one could have told
that, you sec, it would have given some
clue to her age. Susy was a dear old
girl, howevdr, with kind, laughing eyes,
aud a shrewd little brain of her own.
It wasn t her fault if she was getting up
startlingly near a very rheumatic forty
without netting Old Hundred.
For when a man has gone through
forty years with a sneaking desire for
matrimony tilillating his heart all the
while, without the grit and manliness to
say so when given opportunity by the
proper person once, twice, daily, Cupid
despairs of him more thau of the most
rabid mysogynist in Bachelor.iom. There
is such a thing, you know, as a heart
which iB too soft for those dainty little
darts, which merely nurses them as a
leather pillow would.
One day the ancient twaiu were stroll
ing back from the postoffice at 10:30
A. M.; with the incipient courtship air
which had . been petrified so long ago.
She was smiling at him, bravely and
hopefully, and talking bright nothings,
while his feather-pillow of a heart,
fluttered drowsily.
Suddenly there flashed around the cor
ner and bore straight down upon them
Will Davis and Lucy his young wife, on
their bicycles, oil for u day's holiday to
gether, if one might judge from then
bundles. Upright they were, noiseless,
swift, graceful and full of life in even
movement. and in every iluttering gar
ment, glittering eyed, with handsome,
healthful faces.
Old Hundred and B. C. turned to gaze
admiringly after them.
'•How finely Mrs. Davis rides!" mur
mured Old Hundred.
"And how exceedingly graceful Mr.
Davis is!" responded B. C. rather sharp
ly.
"I've often thought that I should like
a wheel," said Old Hundred, with, of
course, no perception of her aunoyance.
"And I should enjoy one very much,"
added B. C.
"You!" Old Hundred• blurted out,
before he thought. He took mental
credit to himfclf for not finishing the
sentence!
"You can get tricycles now-a-days for
almost nothing," said B. C. slyly, "and
of course that is the only wheel you would
think of at your time of life, Mr. Sim
mons!"
"Hum!" said Old Hundred, and
"Hum!" said B. C.
Now don't expect to be treated to a
lover's quarrel. Our sedate couple had
got far beyond that dangerous stage of
courtship. Yet as they parted somewhat
grimly, "I'll show him!" muttered B.
C., and "I'll show her!" muttered Old
Hundred. And that very afternoon the
heart of the village bicycle agent was
made glad by an order for a lady's safe
ty, and an order for a safety for our
doughty tailor.
That was on a Monday, and our nar
rative calmly skips a month at this point,
—caitniy and mercifully.
"Vora time immemorial it had beeD
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JULY 17, 1891.
Old Hundred's habit to call on B. O, on
Sunday evenings. At the beginning of
his courtship, the hand of the feather'
hearted tailor had quivered suspiciously
in the operation of shaving for this im
portant occasion. In the adjustment
of bis necktie his clumsiness had been
phenomenal—for a tailor> His steps up
the broad walk which led to B. C.'s
frontdoor had been noticeably unsteady.
B. C. had coyly sent the servant to usher
him in, and often, with an affectation of
careless indifference, received him with
out rising from her chair.
All that had long been changed, but
this particular night seemed to repeat the
experiences of old. Old Hundred's toi
let was accomplished with blundering
slowness. And why does the odor of
liniments follow the fiery lover from his
room? And why does he groan as he
bends to reach the gate-latch? And
what has become of his brisk, swinging
gait up the board walk? And why does
not B. C. receive him, smiling, at the
door ? "Why does she remain in that thick
padded arm-chair, and stretch her hand
out to him so slowly? And what is the
use of usiug cologne where arnica has
been?
"Miss Bennet," said Old Hundred, af
ter a few wandering remarks—(he al
ways Miss-ed her) —"didn't I notice a
bicyclo standing in the hall-way?"
"Why, Mr. Simmons I Didn't you
know that I could ride?" asked B. C.
with a radiant smile.
"Is it possible I Why, we must have
a ride together!" cried the astonished
tailor.
"Together, Mr. Simmons? Can you
ride, too?" inquired B. C., with real
amazement.
"Of course I canl That is—um—rr
—in fact, I'm learning. And I'm get
ting on well, excellently well, Mr. Spoke
tire says, for a man of my—er —l should
say, excellently well. But how did you
learn so soon?" Old Hundred asked, ad
miringly.
"Well, I can't say that I am thiough
with my apprenticeship yet," confessed
B. C., with a charming blush, "but Mr.
Spoketire says he hardly has to hold the
machine at all, and he thiuks I'm doin<i
better than most girls do who are many
years youn— that is, that lam doing
very well. I need to be helped into the
saddle."
"So do I," admitted the tailor, hon
estly
"But once in, I have absolutely no
trouble, provided the road is smooth and
level, and Mr. Spoketire just keeps 1 ',4
hands on the machine, to kind of steady
me, you know."
"1 still tind it a rather difficult task to
dismount—without letting the wheel
fall, that is, Miss Bennett."
"Why, do you? The last time Mr.
Spoketire helped me out he said I was as
graceful as a young girl. Mr. Spoketire
is so nice."
"Miss Bennett, we must go out to
gether next week, and as soon as possi
ble! Or rather—about Saturday, eh?
We'll both be in better trim by theu.
you know."
"Without Mr. Spoketire, Mr. Sim
mons?"
"Of course. What do we want with
that coutemptiblc little dandy?"
B. C. smiled happily at the tailor's
manifest jealousy, yet smiled rather un
easily and fearfully. However, she
agreed, with many a misgiving, and the
next Saturday afternoon was fixed for
the adventure.
Many a time during the following week
Old Hundred and B. C. regretted their
precipitancy. But B. C. was clear grit,
if she was approaching that awful for
tieth birthday, and the little tailor had
been roused by the Spoketire hints to
sorcewhat of the ardor a lover should
have.
Saturday dawned perversely fair, with
roads outiageously perfect, ar.d the after
noon saw our hero and heroine trundling
their wheels through the village out to
j the Middleton Road. "We'll not ride
| through town," each eagerly agreed.
; "because people might laugh," which
was very true.
The Middleton Road was an excellcut
' stretch for the purpose, in prime condi
tion, and little frequented. Old Hun
dred and B. C. walked out of sight ol
i the village, chatting gayly, avoiding all
; mention of the wheel. At leugth it be
came impossible to deny that the right
I spot had been reached, and with set
I faces they placed their bicycles in posi
! tion.
"You must help me on, you know,''
| said B. 0., with a rather pale face, but
brave withal, "Mr. Spoketire thinks it is
! still necessary!"
"Oh, yes! Why to be sure!" stuttered
i the little lailor, looking awkwardly
! around for something to lean his bicycle
1 against, and at last laying it down clurn
; sily in the middle of the road.
B. C. sprang into the saddle with a
feint of girlish and the
poor tailor's weak muscles were unable to
prevent a most portentous swaying of the
wheel.
"Mercy on us?" sbricked B. C..
"Don't let me take a header before I
start! and oh, Mr. Simmons, I shall be
so grateful, if you only hold onto the
machine for a few steps, just until I get
started I"
"Certainly," gruuted Old Hundred,
whose every muscle wast«. ;d to hold
the wheel upright.
B. C. started, the perspiring tailor
trotting after, both hands clutching the
saddle spring contributing so materially
in his awkwardness to the difficulty of
the steering that the agonized maid in
front soon cried back to him, "That
will do. Thanks. Now mount ard
catch up'" and away smiled B. C., stag
gering all over the road.
Old Hundred trotted back to his
wheel, picked it up, and glanced despair
ingly after the retreating safety. How
could he ever catch up? But that query
was merged in a greater one. Could he
ever mount?
He made three attempts, each failure
t>eing hidden in a thicker cloud of dust,
and inscribed in a deeper rent. But
what were clothes to a tailor? There
was Miss Bennett's unsteady form just
disappearing over the edge of the first
little hill. He must catch up with her,
or be her laughing-stock forever. Luck
ily, a small boy just came sauntering by,
to whom he gave ten cents, with full di
rections, and was assisted off in much
better shape than poor B. 0. had been.
"Oh, that I were safe in my shop, sit
ting cross-legged on the table!" thought
Old Hundred. ' That bicycles had never
l>een invented ! That Miss Bennett were
not ss fond of them! How smart she is?
Who would have thought it at her age I"
But just here a rut upset the train of
his thoughts, and all but upset himself.
The small boy, left behind, was chuck
ling with amusement. How close the
ditches seemed, and how fearfully deep?
The machine, to the tailor's apprehen
sion, seemed insanely bent on plunging
over the brink. His arms were pulled
almost out of their sockets. Perspira
tion blinded his eyes. More and more
wildly with each rut swayed the crazy
bicycle, and whirled Old Hundred dizzy
brain. He came to the brow of the little
hill, which seemed a fearful declivity.
Old Hundred clinched his teeth and
pushed back bard on the pedals, throw
ing on the brake with all his might.
Just then he struck a loose stone, lost
control of the wheel, and with closed
eyes rau directly toward the side, and
upset. The little tailor rolled over and
over down the hillside gully, and lay on
top of his wheel at the bottom.
Slowly Old Hundred rose, and found
to his intense relief that he had broken
no bones. To his equally great relief ho
discovered that he had broken the bicy
cle. One pedal projected from the
crank at a most astonishing angle.
A gay laugh rang out a few yards
farther down the ditch, and lo! thereon
its bowldery side sat the stout-hearted B.
C. ; at her feet her tricky wheel!
A happy light shone in her eyes.
".My wheel is broken!" said she, point
ing to a handle-bar bent back some forty
dogrees.
"And mine, too," said the smiling
tailor, showing the disaffected pedal.
"Isn't it too bad!- I'm afraid we'll have
togo home.''
With some toil they hoisted their bi
cylca to the road again, anil set out for
the town, trundling them happily.
And then it was that the tailor spoke
these memorable words:
"Susy," said he, and Miss Bennett's
brave old heart knew what was ap
-1 proaching. "Susy, you see how very
unsteady these bicycles are, separato?"
"Very," said B. C., tremblingly.
"But suppose, Susy, one were to take
two bicycle, .like yours and mine, and
put a couple of axles across, and a box
j on top, with two seats and a cover, what
would that be, Susy?"
"A family carriage," said B. C., look
i iug downward with a smile.
••Yes, Susy, and it wouldn't tip over,
j but would run smoothly and safely, and
wouldn't it be nice, Susy?" and Old Hun
dred tried to trundle with one hand, that
he might use the right arm for another
purpose, but it wouldn't work.
"Wouldn't it be much nicer, Susy?"
Yes, Susy thought it would. "
And so B. C. and Old Hundred walked
happily back to town along that Middle
ton Road henceforth blessed to them
both, trundling the fateful bicycles,
which alone had been equal to the jndinp
of that long courtship.
Near town, Spoketire whirled smartly
up, and dismounted at sight of them.
"Had accidents, I see. Too bad.
However, I can soon straighten that
out."
I "We have decided, Susy aud I, Mr.
Spoketire," said the bold tailor proudly,
"to sell our wheels, and we want you to
act as agent. We'll leave them at your
shop. You see, Mr. Spoketire, we have
decided, Susy and I, to set Op a lainily
carriage."— Yankee Blatle.
Keen are the Shafts of Ridicule.
Brave heartshave flashed out of life
from the diu of many a field of battle,
the record of whose courage could nevei
transcend the daily life of many a woman,
forced to keep a steady front turned to
ward the legion of annoyances that
marshal behiud an inadequate* income.
A pretty woman, forced togo looking
like a dowdy because she canuot afford,
or is not sufficiently selfish to wear, fine
aud expensive clothes, is a sight to earn
the plaudits of such as appreciate hero
ism of the unwept and unstoried kind.
It takes more strength of character tc
face ridicule than it does to face a battery
of Oatling guns. A sneer pierces deepei
than a bullet. A blow that only reaches
a physical nerve center does not tell like
the blow that buries itself in the soul. ]
can dodge a shell, if the Lord has given
me a level head and a moment's time,
but nothing is going to help me when
my enemy rakes me with the light artillery
of scorn and contempt. If we but knew
the inside history of the man who goes
dressed in seedy clothes, or the woman
who wears old shoes and rusty gloves,
we should perhaps uncover, when some
of these shabby folk meet us on the way
as commoners do when royalty rides by.
—Chicaao Herald,
Terms—Sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Paris has electric cabs.
Aluminium is $1 a pound.
Electric boats are being made.
Sanguinite, a new mineral, contains
■ilver, arsenic and sulphur.
A waterproof paper has lately been in
vented that will even stand boiling.
Metals are found to corrode much
faster when in galvanic connection than
otherwise.
The metal in a five cent nickel piece is
worth about half a cent, and fifteen
cents will purchase copper enough to
make $3 worth of cents.
The Frankfort (Germany) Electrical
Exhibition will be furnished with lights,
and its machinery will be operated from
a distance of 107 miles.
The first known weather record was
kept by Walter Merle for the years 1337
to 1344. A few photographic copies of
the original Latin manuscript—now in
the Bodleian Library—have just been
made.
Among the anomalies reported con
cerning the past winter is that the
weather in Iceland was the mildest re
membered. There was not, we are told,
a flake of snow, nor a single hour of
frost.
A new spool factory in the town ol
Alpena, Mich, turns out 80,000 spools
daily. Last year the twenty-three mills
in the town put out 202,000,000 feet of
lumber, 52,000,000 laths asd 33,000,000
shiuglcs.
There was recently exhibited in Dub
lin, Ireland, a new burner for lighthouse
use, possessing twice the illuminating
power of the largest burners now em
ployed. It is calculated that this new
burner, in connection with a specially
devised system of lenses, will transmit a
light equal to about eight millions of
candles, which far exceeds the most pow
erfnl light at present used.
Iron pipe is now welded by electricity
at the Columbus (Ga.) iron works. Co
lumbus is the first city in the South in
which this new system has been em
ployed. The managers of the iron works
expect to effect a considerable saving
over the old method, each weld taking
about seven seconds. From the time of
finishing one weld until the completion
of the next takes about one minute. This
includes clamping the two pipes, ad
justing the position of the machine, weld
ing and taking out the pipes.
Au ingenious machine is used iu Eng
land for preparing telegraph post arms.
These arms are usually made from the
best selected English oak and vary in
length from two feet to four feet. They
are in the first case planed on the four
sides by means of a special planing ma
chine, and then sawn to the exact length
required by means of a doublo cross-cut
sawing machine made specially for the
purpose. The arms are then passed on
to the shaping machine, which rapidly
and effectively docs its work. The ma
chine is quite self-contained and has the
driving shaft placed overhead and sup
ported upon standards fixed to the main
bed. The arrangements for dealing with
the various lengths of arms have been
carefully worked out. At thfc official
test of the machine the wooden arms
were finished at the rate of three pet
minute.
A Caucasus Chevalier.
The Caucasus is full of highwaymen,
who make the roads unsafe. But there
are also knights of good order there, of
whom the highwaymen are in terror.
The Listok of Tiflis reports an interest
ing illustration: A merchant of Tiflis
made his way to a neighboring city to
purchase horses. lie had a large sum of
money with him. In the district of
Bortchaliusk ho was assailed by three
Tartars, who tied him to a tree. One of
them held a dagger over his bead, while
the other two unbuttoned his garment*
and made ready to steal what he had.
But suddenly a man on horseback ap
peared from behind a hill. As soon as
the robbers sighted him they called out,
"Shaitan lialir!" (Satan comes), aud
mounting their horses, disappeared iu s
moment. The mau on horseback freed
the unfortunate merchant and told him tc
mount and resume his journey. Th«
merchant offered a hundred ruble bill tc
his liberator, but the latter disdainfully
declined to accept it. "If thou hast
many of these things," he said, "endow
the poor aud hide the rest. Shatro does
not want thy mouey. Go thy way, and
include Shatro in thy prayers to Allah.'
—Boston Transcript.
Cleaning Car Wheels by Sand Blast.
A very efficient application of the sand
Must is made in cleaning newly-cast car
wheels in the New York Car Wheel
Works, Buffalo, N. Y. When taken
from the soaking pit the wheel is rolled
into a small chamber, where it stands in
a vertical position. The tread of the
wheel stands ou rollers which are moved
by gearing, so that the wheel is slowly
revolved without ohanging its position.
A flue, into which cinders are fed by a
chute leading from a bin above, leads a
blast of air against the face of the wheel,
which is then reversed. The cinders
used vary from the size of a grain of
wheat to much larger, and are used over
and over. With this apparatus one man
can clean twenty wheels in three hours
and a half, iucluding the time consumed
in rolling them to and from the ma
chine. The cost is less than hand labor,
and the cleaning is better done.— New
York Journal,
NO. 40.
IK CAMP.
Skyward Pine, thai saw it all, y*
Whigper never what thoti knoweatl
Many, many things befall
When the coaxing moon is tall
Through the tender shade thou thro west.
Blame not me, O Pine, too soont
I —ye all beguiled me to It!
Had it not been night and June,
With the pine-breath and the moon.
I had ne'er been bold to do it.
Ah, her forehead was so white
Where that soft ray came and ktMed her;
When the happy heaven's light
Lingered with her as of right—
As of sister with a sister!
All our little camp asleep;
Only I at midnight waking-
Waking to the moon—to creep, '( ,
Kiss her silent brow—and keep ;
Lips aye holier for that slaking.
She, O Pine, will never know—
Never blush amid her laughter.
She Is nothing poorer so,
Iso rich—as who shall pro *)
Dreaming it forever after!
—By Charles F. Loo mis, in Scribner.
HUMOR Oi THE DAT.
A mile is the centipede of distance; it
has 5280 feet.— Washington Star.
•There's millions in it—The United
States Treasury. Washington Star.
The rolling stone gathers no moss ; but
it manages to keep on top, for all that.
The xylophone player is the fellow
who makes the "woods ring."—States
man.
A man can call his body an earthly
tenement, and yet object to being called
a flat.— Pack.
It was a mean artist who suggestively
painted a dairy in water-color#.—Rich
mond Recorder.
The honey bee deserves recognition a#
kind nature's sweet restorer.— Klmira
(N. Y.) Gazette.
Though some women have golden
hair, others havo but plaited hair.—
Jeweller's Circular.
It is probable that many jolly dogs
will have barks on the sea this summer.
—New York Herald.
A manufacturing dentist often shows
his teeth without smiling or opening his
mouth.— New York Journal.
Iron is good for the blood, but no
man likes to have it administered in the
form of carj cl-t-i'-'v. -Puck.
A man never realizes until he has made
a fool of himself what a laughter-loving
world this is.— Atchison Globe.
He—"Miss Shirpe has a very fine
voice." She—"No wonder. She grinds
it so much."— Detroit Free Press.
Don't undcr-rate modest ability. The
needle has only one good point; butVwe
couldn't get along without it.— Puck.
The good artist is known by his work,
but the poor artist is obliged to grow his
hair long to be identified.— Statesman.
"Is there anything brilliant about
Prozer's writings?" "Yes—the stars
between the paragraphs."— Chicago
Herald.
Frank—"Stella'-*; face is her fortune!"
Tom—"Yes, but she's given too many
certified checks to time."— New York
JJtrald.
"Blitturs began life as a school
teacher." "Kcally?" What a preco
cious little baby he must have been."—
New York Sun.
Tt e's nothing like sticking to a
thin when you apply yourself to it, as
the ny said when it alighted ou the fly
paper.— Texas Sittings.
Little Kitty (who is doing the honors
and wishes to be very pompous) —"Will
you have chicking or mutting, Mr.
Brown?"— Harvard Lampoon.
No, Ethel, you are mistaken. The
phrase, "a literary treat," has no refer
ence to the setting up of books by the
printer.— lnduinajjolis Journal.
"Tastes differ," said Mugley. "Good
thing thoy do," putin Bottleton. "If
they didn't squills and strawberries would
taste the same."— New York Sun.
Jack Witherspoon—"Why do you sing
all the time." Jim Westhall—"To kill
time." Jack Witherspoon—"You have
a good weapon."— Princeton Tiger.
Some people are born musicians,
others achieve music and others live next
door to the man who hopes to play the
cornet in the village band.— Elmira
(N. Y.) Gazette.
Young Wife—"We are told to 'cast
our bread upon the waters.'" The Brute
—"But dou't you do it. A vessel
might run against it and get wrecked."
—New York Herald.
Mistress (tryiug on one of her new
gowns)—"Norah, how does this dress
tit?" Norah (without looking up)—
"Not very well, mem. I found it a little
tight under the arms."— Chicago Tribune.
"Don't you think," said one of the
doctors, "that it would be a good idea
to have the study of medicine carried on
under the supervision of the Govern
ment?" "I suppose," replied the other
doctor, thoughtfully, "that it might le
turned over to the interior department."
—New York Post.
Timmins—"l—er—you know, I was
talking to—l called on Miss Laura last
night." Mr. Figg—"Yes, I know you
did—the fourth tiiue in one week, I be
lieve. Why don't you come and liv«
with us, and be done with it?" Tim
mins—"That's just what 1 wanted to see
you about."— lndianapolis Journal.