SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W M< CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
In 1882 there were 135 medical col
leges in the United States; in 1891, 148.
The Australian commonwealth has a
bright future. It has iitartcd on the
right lines and, predicts the San Fran
cisco Chronicle , will march forward
steadily to freedom and greatness.
One of the streets of Palermo is
named after President Lincoln. This
was done by order of the Marquis Di
Rudini, tho new Premier of Italy, who
was Mayor of Palermo at tho time of
Lincoln's assassination.
Mrs. Alice Freemau Palmer announces
lrom the platform that there are to-day
40,000 girls ;-\ the colleges of America.
This gives color, admits tho Boston
Transcript, to Dr. Seelye's declaration
that before the end of the present ceu
tury the American women will be better
educated than the men.
The inventor of the Gatling guu
dreams of putting an end to wars by
making battles fatal to all who take
part in them. Possibly there may be
some more effective way of stopping a
fight than Killing off the combatants,
suggests tho San Francisco Chronicle, but
it has not occurred to any one to publish
it if he thought of it.
"Embracery" is a new term in English
jurisprudence. Tho apprehensions of
him who is r.rrested upon a charge of it
would probably take the direction of tho
divorce court. In the matter, however,
he would be in error; the charge is really
ono of corrupting a jury. It is a very
raro offense, yet, from what appears from
a recent case, where a gentleman got
fined §SOO for it, very easy to commit.
You have only to got a juror into a pub
lic house, treat him to a glass of ale and
remark that the prisoner whose conduct
is under his consideration "is a good fel
low, though he nmy have over-stepped
the mark a little." Tho influence of a
jury by flattery or other arts is in a
learned counsel only cajolery; but in a
layman it is "embracery"—a much more
advanced stage of ingratiation.
The statute upon the subject of cruelty
to animals, is pretty rigid in Pennsyl
vania. It makes it a misdemeanor foi
any person to "wantonly or cruelly ill
treat, overload, beat or otherwiso abuse
any animal." Recently there occurred a
pigeon-shooting match by the members
of a gun club, and ono of the members
wounded, without at the same time kill
'
ing, a pigeon. When this was discov
ered tho bird was at once killed. Some
humane person thought that the law had
been violated, and that its penalty should
be invoked, so its machinery was set in
motion and a trial was held, and the ac •
cuscd was found guilty of cruelty. Tho
cruelty consisted "in wounding instead
of instantly killing" the pigeon. The
case was taken to the Supreme Court of
the State, which, observes the Mail and
Express , happily took tho broader view
that birds are "placed here by tho Al
mighty for the use of man,"and that it
was an unavoidable incident, to which
this statute did not apply.
Saya the Washington Star: "The
phenomenal growth of the American city
population is a subject for both wonder
and alarm. Its percentage cannot grow
without a corresponding decrease in the
percentage of rural population. And
this fact is fraught with economical and
social dangers. Consider what these
must be in a very few decades when we
know that the urban increaso has been
during the last ten decades from three
per cent, of tho whole population to
slightly less than thirty per cent, in
1880. And this is so far as city popula
tion proper is concerned, or the popula
tion of towns having a population of
eight thousand or more. Tho rural popu
lation in its strictest limitation—that is
on the farms and in the country stores
and workshops or in hamlets of less than
two hundred souls—would show that the I
disproportion betweeu the town and
country a century ago and now is very
much greater than appears from the con
sus enumeration. Is the American rustic
disappearing? Arc brawn and muscle
only to be acqurrcd in the pursuit of the
manly art or in the enthusiasm of the
national game? Are farmers' movements
of the future to be rendered impossible
by the disappearance of the farmer?
The congestion of population in our
great cities, and the prevading misgov
ernment of these cities combine to raise
one of the most serious problems that
now confront American statesmen."
LOVE'S SILENCE;
Of all the words that bear their parlt
In all the deeds of day today,
One word Is chiefly in my heart,
One little word I must not say.
The hills of truth are straight and steep
They have a smart in every stone;
And climbing them I needs must weep
To think that love must die unknown.
Night follows day—day chases night,
And brings a lesson strange to teach,
That love is lifeless in tho light,
And silence is the fullest speech.
—Walter 11. Pollock, in Longman's.
MR SPINDLE'S TRIP WEST.
BY FRANK J. MARTIN.
The gaunt figure of Major Scentpenny
was familiar to the citizens of Middle
field. For reasons best known to him
self he had a great antipathy to labor—
either mental or physical. His external
habiliments bothered him little so long
as, internally, there were no unsatisfied
demands. His thoughts were allowed to
wander with the vagrant winds—for Major
Scentpenny was a dreamer. From a
lack of practical engagement his mind—
such as it was—contented itself with all
conceived visions of future wealth. Ho
was in the habit of making periodical
visits to several houses, so that when he
was seen approaching Mrs. Proudman's
home, early in the evening of a balmy
May day, no attention was paid to the
fact. The Major, so it was currently
rumored, was entered in the lists as a
wooer of the buxom widow.
His usual tranquility was disturbed by
the prospect of a realization of his fond
est hopes. Nor was he alone with the
fantasy of wealth, for, at that particular
time, a score ol worthy citizens of
Middlefleld were greatly ngitatcd. The
commotion was caused by a blue-eyed
man of great suavity, who introduced
himself as tho Second Vice-President of
the "Gold Trust Mining Company of
Colorado," and who intimated that his
shattered health required that he re
cuperate in Middlcficld, and in no other
locality.
The Second Vice-President,Mr. Sharp
file, to use his own phrase, had "an easy
picking of it,"' when he exhibited, at the
urgent request of ten prominent citizens,
the samples of ore he carried, as he said,
for his own amusement. Some were bold
enough to express a desire to become
stockholders in the company, and had
the funds at band to back their ambi
tions. Others made efforts to realize
money on their possessions so as to bo let
in.
Mr. Sharpflle offered no encouragement
at first, but finally, after a great pressure
had been brought to bear upon him,com
municated with tho general office of his
company and inquired if there was any
stock for sale. The answer came that
there were a few shares left at sl.lO.
Mr. Sharpflle secretly informed each
prospective stake-holder that ho was the
lucky one and could have a few shares
on condition that ho would promise never
to divulge tho fact. In the midst of his
secret sales of stock he never forgot, the
fact that Mr 9. Proudman had ten thou
sand in the bank, and was not at all anx
ious to invest it.
Major Scentpenny became greatly at
tached to the mining magnate and in
formed him that Mrs. Proudman was be
ginning to seriously consider tho advisa
bility of asking the Gold Trust Miming
Company to allow her to become a stock
holder. Mr. Sharpflle readily compre
hended the situation, and, as a direct re
sult of his schemes, the Major was now
on his way to the widow's home to pre
vail upon her as a friend, to invest her
money in the company.
Mrs. Proudman and her daughter,
Eliza, had finished their household
duties for the day and were knitting
when the Major applied the polished
brass knocker to the front door. He
found a comfortable chair, an amiable
widow and her sprightly daughter await
ins; him. No sooner were the formali
ties at an cud and he was ready to speak
upon the subject nearest his heart when
the knocker announced tha arrival of
another caller, who proved to be Adam
Spindle, a pedagogue and rival of the
Major for the hand of Mrs. Proudman.
Men in love, like generals in war, adopt
seemingly curious plans of action. The
Major and Mr. Spindle had their ideas
as to how to win tho widow. The
former believed in concentrated effort,
the latter in confusing advances aud re
treats.
After a few comments on ordinary
topics, the Major iound himself alone
with the widow, Mr. Spindle and Eliza
having gone to take a stroll in the moon
light. The Major approached the sub
ject cautiously. He recounted the nu
merous instances where banks had failed,
suggested that bad crops were frequent
visitors, enlarged upon the necessity of
making Eliza, tho sweet child, a lady
independent in every respect and worked
himself up ic tho highest pitch when he
expressed tho hope that the declining
years of his dear friend, Mrs. Proudman,
wculd be blessed with elegance and ease.
Then he brought on "Tho Gold Trust
Co." in regal style. The Colorado press,
including the Mountain Skipjyer, Slippery
Pass Signal and All-around launches , had
published columns about the mines and
their enormous outputs. The company
was worth millions and, of course, stock
was scarce. He was an intimate friend
of Mr. Sharpflle and that gentleman
would, tr Mrs. Proudman wished to pro
cure it, un manage affairs that a four
thousand block would be at her option
in the course of tlx weeks, but not before.
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JUNE 5, 1891.
Of oourse he was interested in.her welfare
as a friend, nothing more.
MM. Proudman had ambitions and list
ened attentively to all he said. His sin
cerity could not be doubted, and the in
vestment, to all appearances, seemed to
be a safe one. In truth, let it be stated
that the Major was fully convinced of the
absolute truth of all he uttered.
Mrs. Proudman, after thanking him for
his efforts in her behalf, said that she
would take the matter under considera
tion and, in all probability, would en
deavor to secure the stock aUthe expira
tion of the si* weeks.
This information so elated the Major
that he could scarcely contain himself for
joy, and uttering a few unintelligible
words made his departure. Ho already
fancied himself the husband of Mrs.
Proudman, rolling in riches, four meals
per day, and a spanking team of road
sters to engage his leisure-moments.
Shortly after he left the widow's home,
Mr. Spindle and Eliza returned from their
stroll. Eliza scampered away to her
room and Mr. Spindle had the field to
himself. Mrs. Proudman had great faith
in him and took him into her-confldence.
Mr. Spindle was, to say the least, con
servative and held mining companies in
much the same, light as he did Satan;
but he listened attentively.
"Mrs. Proudman," said heofter along
pause, during which he was working out
a distance table in his mind, "I would
advise you to go* slow in the* matter. Our
friend, the Major, is visionary. I am
going away in tho l morning, and will be
absent at least Ave'weeks. Do not pur
chase any stock in the Gold Trust Min
ing Company uutil you have heard from
me."
"Where are you goingVllnquired Mrs.
Proudman anxiously.
"Do not press mo 'now' for an answer;
simply await advice fromane."
Mrs. Proudman agreed to this and
early the next morning Mr. Spindle ap
peared at the railway station, and tak
ing the ticket agent, an old friend, into
his confidence, purahased a ticket to
(not even the agent could tell)
and was miles from Middlefield before
the gallant Major Scentpenny was astir.
******
The Gold Trust Mining* Company's
plant was located not many/miles from
Silverton, Col., away up a mountain
above tho timber line. A half dozen
men, under the direction of'the Superin
tendent, Mr. Poss, were engaged in dig
ging into the mountain side. Vague ru
mors of rich finds in this mine were cir
culating in neighboring camps, and the
statements of the men working the
mine, as well as the elaborate articles
that appeared from time to time in the
mining journals, created a great interest
in tho hamlets located in.the immediate
vicinity.
Bright and early one morning Mr.
Poss noticed a man.climbing the mount
ain. Tho stranger stopped when half
way up, and seating himself on a bowl
der, lighted a cigar and began to read a
book that he carried under his arm. Mr.
Poss paid no heed to this.until tho fol
lowing morning, when tho stranger ap
peared at about the same time and re
peated the ceremony. Morning after
morning this individual climbed the
mountain, each succeeding twenty-four
hours finding him nearer the mine, until
at last he found himself within a short
distance of where Mr. Poss and his men
were working.
The "visitor," as the men termed
him, had a bad cough and evidently re
alized that his days were numbered. He
excused himself for intruding and passed
fragrant cigars around among the men,
which act mado him a welcome guest at
the cabin where he took lunch with the
miners.
One morning Mr. Poss ventured into a
conversation with him,, and learned that
he was an invalid who had been ordered
to spend the season among the mountains
of Colorado. He was wealthy, disinter
ested in mining, and claimed the State
of Maine as his home. Mr. Poss took
kindly to him and gave him a complete
history of the "Gold Trust Company,"
as an agument that any man with a small
capital, some pluck and hardened con
science, could grow rich rapidly in the
mining business.
In substance the history was this: The
company had been organized by one Mr.
Sharpfil# and himself. Mr. Sharpfile was
in the Bast selling stock on the strength
of alot of fine samples from the big
mines of the State. He, Mr. Poss, worked
the other end—the mines. They had
located several mines, but were working
one only. Theoro was poor, but they
had the mine "salted" incase any inves
tors desird to inspect it. In the event
of such an occurrence, rich ore would
bo found at every turn. Mr. Sharpfile
was meeting with great success in dis
posing of his artisticallly designed stock
certificates, aud both would letire from
the company in the course of a few
weeks.
The stranger took a fit of coughing and
excused himself for the balance of the
day. He was missed on the following
morning, and when a week elapsed and
lie did not appear, Mr. Poss concluded
that the cough had finished him.
* 9 * * * *
The following copies of telegrams re
ceived and answered by Mrs. Proudman
and clipped from the Middlefield Banner,
cover subsequent events quite fully:
BILVBRTOW, June 21, Ift—.
To Mrs. Proudman, Middlefield, Vt.: .
I have just obtained an admission from
Sharp tile's partner that the Gold Trust Com
pany is a wildcat scheme. I have been to see
the a-ine and it is a humbug. I will not re
turn to Middlefield unless my presenoe there
is required. SMBW*
MIDDI.ESTKLD, June 23,18—s
To Mr. Spindle, Silverton, Col.:
Come at once. No mining stock for me,
Your presence is desired.
Mas. PBOUDMAN.
SILVKBTON, June 28, 18—.
To Mrs. Proudman, Middlefleld, Vt..
What disposition, it any, has been mads of
our mutual friend. Major Scentpenny?
SPINDLB.
MicsLßFißLn. June 24,18—.
Mr. Spindle, Silverton, Col.:
The Major's name has been entered in the
black book directly under that of Mr. Sharp
file. Come. MRS. PROUDMAN.
Extract from the "Society Review" in
the Middlefleld Banner of August 24,
18—:
"Cards of invitation are out for the wed
ding of Mr. Adam Spindle and Mrs. Bertha
Proudman,both well-known society leaders in
this town. The happy couple will take up
their residence at 'Knotty Knot,' the old
home of the bride."
In an obscure corner of the same issuo
appeared the following:
SILVKRTON, Col., August 22 (Special).—
The Gold Trust Mining Company suspended
operations to-day. Investigation proves that
it was a big swindle. Messrs. Shorpfllo and
Poss, the projectors of the scheme have tied
the country. Warrants are out for their
arrest.
—Detroit Free Press.
Some Strange Fires.
On the night of March 21, 1676,ab0ut
three hours after sunset, a monster
bright light arose out of tho Adriatic
Sea and passed from cast northeast to
the west of southwest, crossing over
Italy in a vertical lino about half-way
between Rimini and Leghorn. Various
estimates as to the height ami size of the
body wero made. One scieutist, with
amusing exactness, declares that it was
thirty-eight miles high at Calraers. At
all places near its course a hissing noise
like that of a sky-rocket was plainly
heard. At Leghorn tho sound is said to
, have been "like that of a large cannon
quickly dying away until it sounded
much like a cart running over cobble
stones." Estimates of its size seem to
have been as wild as those respecting its
height. Some accounts say it was as
"large as a house;" Le Cat says that "it
was a good half mile in circumference."
Bohn, who has written a very rcadablo
account of"the great meteor or strange
fire of March 21, MDCLXXVI-," esti
mates that it was "about one-half mile
by the smaller diameter," which would
surely mako it a terrifying object to be
hold.
On Thursday, March 19, 1719, there
appeared at London, about eighth
o'clock at night, a "sudden great light
moving after the manner but more slow
ly than a falling star. It started from a
point below Orion's Belt, then lying in
the southwest, and went upwards in
stead of downwards like a falling-star.
Its size, according to the testimony of
numerous observers in Spain, France,
Ireland, Holland and some parts of Ger
many, as well as those who saw it in
London and all over England, was about
that of the full moon. It was of whit
ish color with an eyo in tho centre as
blue as tho most azure portion of a Juno
sky after a thunder-storm. It went
straight upwards in its course until out
of sight, leaving a track of fiery red
sparks in its wake.
A fire of a strange nature appeared in
Wales in 1693. According to the most
intelligible account concerning it now in
existence, it came up from tho sea near
Harlech. At several places near that
place and all over Merionethshire it did
much damage, burning hay, houses,
barns, etc. A person writing of it saidt
"The grass over which it moves kills all
manner of cattle that feed upon it. But
what is most remarkable is that any
great noise, such as the beating of a
drum or sounding a horn, effectually re
pels it from any house."— St. Louis lie
public.
Barnum'g "Brick Man."
As on illustration of one of Bamum's
ingenious methods of attracting atten
tion to his museum may be mentioned
the incident of the "brick man." One
day a man applied for alms to Barnum,
who was sitting in the ticket ofßce. To
tho inquiry as tc why he did not goto
work, the mendicant replied that he
would gladly do so at a dollar a day, if
he could find employment. Barnum gave
him twenty-five cents to get his break
fast, and told him to return and he
would give him a dollar and a half a
day and easy work. When the man re
turned, Barnum gave him five bricks,
and told him to place one in front of the
museum, another on the corner of Vesey
street, a third at the corner of Falton—
on tho St. Paul's Church side—and the
fouith on the east corner of Fulton. Re
turning then to the museum, he was to
take up the first brick and replace it
with the fifth, and then continue his
rounds, putting down one brick and
taking up the other each time. He was
enjoined to answer no questions, and to
seem not to hear, and that at the end of
each three-quarters of an hour he was
to pass into the museum, look around at
curiosities for fifteen minutes, and then
resume his rounds with the brick. Bar
num says that the man played his part to
perfection, and his eccentric conduct
caused a great crowd to gather about
the museum. Many of these, of course,
went into the museum to seek some ex
planation as to the purpose of the
"brick man." This was kept up for
se/eral days, until the police requested
his withdrawal, because such crowds
lingered about the museum that traffic
was interrupted.— Harper's Weekly.
Coachmen for Berlin doctois are tc
wear white hats.
Terms—Sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Electric welding is spreading.
Pails and tube saturated with glycerin*
will not shrink.
Qatoevton. Texa?, has twenty mileß of
electrical railway.'
The street cars of Springfield, 111., are
supplied with electric heaters.
Copper tubes now manufactured by
means of electrical deposition.
Since 1880 over 700 applications for
patents for electiical accumulators have
been made in England alone.
A good water-proof cement can be
made, it is said, from equal parte of red
and white lead worked into stiff paste
with boiling linseed oil.
The creosoted wood floors of a build
ing recently burned in Now York were
the only portion of tho structure not de
stroyed. They were only charred.
To obviate the waste of steam in steam
hammers an improvement has been intro
duced in fitting the hammers with two
pistons of different diameters, compound
ing them in fact. *
Mien, which stands unique among
minerals as an insulating substance, is
:lestincd to become one of Connecticut's
leading products. Three new mines
aave recently been discoverd in that
State.
A new embroidery machine for-use in
m making linen handkerchiefs can turn
jut finer work than any work done by
land. The north of Ireland must adopt
;he new methods if it wishes to retain its
sresent leadership.
A late innovation is an electric railway
;xprcss service established in a Western
;own, by means of which, for a small
jharge, all the packages bound out
ward for the suburbs are gathered up
it the depot and then delivered along
;he route.
The production of electrically welded
iteel chains will soon become ac. impor
tant industry in this country. The steel
;hain will be ono-third lighter than the
present iron chain, with as great a ten
tile strength, and can bo produced at
considerable less cost.
At tho coming Frankfort electrical ex
hibition a large balloon will be sent up.
The power sending up and maintaining
it will be electricity, which will be ob
tained from a large dynamo on the
ground. A telophono will connect the
passengers with those on terra llrma.
Cream of tartar is the tartaric acid of
grapes, and may !>e used i-i water with
sugar as a substitute for grape juioe.
It is the substitution of mineral acid for
those of fruits and vegetables that is so
injurious to health; for instance, sul
pheric acid in vinegar for the natural
fruit acid.
The North German Lloyd Steamship
Company's managers have concluded to
stick to the single screw for all their new
steamships, believing that a single pro
peller whirled by a mighty triple-expan
sion engine is more effective than twin
screws operated by two engines whose
combined power does not exceed that of
the single-screw ship.
A saw has been designed for cutting
Iron, mild steel or othor metals of fairly
; arge sections. The inventor of this ap
pliance claims that it is a cold iron saw at
auce simple, powerful and effective. It
!s always in readiness for work, and can
ae manipulated by inexperienced work
men. Tho machine is stated to be
:apable of making 400 cuts through bars
af Bessemer steel four inches in diameter,
each cutting occupying six minutes on
in average, without changing the saw.
Hnts and Heads.
It has been noticed by Henry Heath,
who sends hats all over the world from
Calcutta to Peru, that different nationali
ties possess heads of distinctive sizes and
shapes. For instance, Germans have
very round heads, a peculiarity shared
by our own royal family. The average
English head is what hatters call a good
shape—that is, rather long. The Scotch,
one is not surprised to learn, are very
long-headed. Canadians are distinguished
by exceptionally large heads, South
Americans by very small ones. Austral
ians, again, have rather small heads.
The subject is an interesting one and
worth pursuing further if space allowed.
The heads of individuals also vary a good
deal from time to time, shrinking during
illness or mental worry, and generally
becoming smaller with advancing years.
As to shape, there is tuch a thing as
fashion, but it only affects mashers; men
stick to much the same shapo year after
year Pall Mall Qamelte.
Swimming to Church.
A girl named Nyangandi, who lived
near the Ogowe Kiver, West Africa, one
Saturday came in her canoe with two
bunches of plantains to sell to tho mis
sionary. When she was going away Mrs.
Batebelor, the missionary's wife, said to
her: "Now, you must not forget that
to-morrow will be the Sabbath day, and
you have alieady promised to come every
time." "Yes," said the girl, "I will
surely come if lam alive." And so she
did, but no one knew how she got there,
until, at the close of the service, she told
the girls that in the night her canoe had
beon stolen, and none of her friends
would lend her one; but she had prom
ised to come to church, and so she felt
she must. She swam ull the way. The
current was swift, the water deep, and
the river fully a third of a mile wide;
but by swimming diagonally she suc
ceeded in crossing tho river.— New Tori ll
Observer.
NO. 34.
BONO.
There'* a nest in the orchard gt use a, ,
And the sweet south wind, as I • passes,
Whispers soft and low,
Blow, wind, blow!
Summer will fly and birds will go;
There's a song amid the orchard trees,
That is heard o'er the hum of the mufmnr
ing bees.
And the soft south wind as he passes
Scarce moves the tops of the waving grasses,
Sing, fledglings, sing!
Summer will fly and birds take wing.
—Jennie Jarcis, in Youth's Companion.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Ideas loaded with words are slow to
go off.— Washington Star.
Luck is a pood thing to depend upon
if you have no desire to succeed.— Som
erville Journal.
Why is a defeated candidate like the
earth? Because he is flattened at the
polls.— Texas Hi/tings.
Judge—"Single or married? (Prison
er sighs deeply.) Oh, yes, I see. Mar
ried."—Fliegende Blaetter.
Emin Pasha has sont word from Zanzi
bar that he is about togo to Ujiji, a place
famous for its jays.— Phihdelphi'i Ledger.
If slander did not hurt its victims
there would be no particular pleasure in
it for the slanderer.— New Orleans Picay
une.
Two Milwaukee dentists have dissolved
after a partnership of twenty-three years.
They could not pull together any longer.
—Statesman.
First Farmer—"l suppose you heard
about the cyclone over here?" Second
Farmer—"Yes, we got wind of it."—
Washington Post.
Reporter—"What shall I head this
bargain-counter 9tory?" Editor—"Call
it 'An Hour in Woman's Paradise.' "
New Turk llecorder.
The mar. who "feels himself to bo dif
ferent from other men" shouldn't always
brag about it. Dime-museum freaks are
in the same fir.— Puck.
If you have anything to give, give it
to the "bail fellow, well met.'' If you
have anything to lend, lend it to some
body else.— Dallas News.
He's so afraid he won't offend
So long as he routines
Himself to censure, he'll pretend
To read between the lines.
—Judge.
Mistress—"What would you do,
Bridget, if you ccnld play the piano as
well as 1 can I" Bridgvt—"Sure, I'd go
on learnin' until I could play it dacently."
—Mvnsey's Weekly.
"Why, Janet I What in the world is
the matter with Fido?" "He's got a
severe cold, dear. I think I must have
left his muzzle off too suddenly, you
know."— London Judy.
"Do you mean by this," said he,
"that you wish me to cease calling
here?" "Not at all," said she. "Papa
aud mamma will always be glad to sco
you."— Harper's Bazar.
Babies are so slow in learning to talk
because they have to devote so much of
their time and energy in trying to un
derstand what in the world it is their
mothers say.— Somerville Journal.
Son Jack, when young and wild of whim,
I could not put a check on him;
Now, older grown, he is more meek.
And begs me for a cheque a week.
—Judge,
"Your brother, the dentist, is very
slow and torturing at pulling out teeth."
"I know he is, but you see he'B rich
and only follows the business for the
pleasure it gives him."— Fliegende Blaet
ter.
"I'd like to know why you hired a
young woman for a type-writer?" de
manded Mrs. Hilow of her husband.
"So I could have some one to dictate
to," replied the unhappy man. Chicago
Netos.
There is no person in the world so
self-conscious as the man who has just
had his moustache shaved off, unless it
be tho woman who found out that her
dress doesn't hang even.— Boston Tran
script.
"Which one of us do you think the
handsomer!" asked one of the two pretty
girls. "It is impossible for me to com.
pare you," said the diplomatic young
man. "You are both incomparable."—
Indianapolis Journal.
"Mamma," said a precocious young
ster at the tea table the other evening,
after a long and yearning gaze toward a
plate of doughnuts, "Mamma, I think
I could stand another one of those fried
holes."— Drake's Magazine.
Mrs. de Kidd—"lf you want a name
at once graceful, aristocratic and unique
for your baby, why don't you have it
copyrighted? Authors are entitled to a
full right on the titles of their own
works.— Munspt/s Weekly.
In Court:"Have you anything to say
in your defense, prisoner?" "Nothing,
your Honor, except that I made a mis
take in the number of the house. I did
not at all intend to break into that
house."— Fliegende Blaetter.
"I hear that Mrs. Barlow is cllsputlug
her late husband's will." "Why, I
thought he left everything to her." "So
he did, but she never let the old man
have his own way. It's a matter of
principle with her."— New York Sun.
All in the Family: "You can't do any
business with me," said the new settler
to the village doctor. "I intend to be
my own doctor." "That's all right," re
turned the physician. "Let me intro
duce you to my brother, the undertak
er."—Ntw York Recorder.