W. M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
The Boston Cultivator believes thai
"the abundance of cheap and fertile
land in the West, and its possession bj
farmers of small means and roving ten
dencies, has operated to lower the stand
ard of American agriculture."
The heavy increase in the Russian
army and navy estimates will furnish in
teresting reading for continental diplo
mats. It shows, concludes the San Fran
cisco Chronicle , that the millenium, when
abitration shall succeed war, is as far off
as ever.
The Boston ITtrald thinks that the fact
that only three persons were killed by
electric light plants in New York Statu
last year, while eight lost their lives by
"blowing out the gas" rather goes to
show that it is less dangerous to monkey
with electricity than to fool with gas.
A London vegetarian amateur athletic
club has just been formed. The avowed
object of the founders is to have a school
for vegetarian athletes which will in time
produce as good runners, wrestlers,
harriers, vaulters as any of those now be
fore the public who get their results on
a meat diet.
The Inrliaua House of Representatives
has passed a resolution directing the au
thorities of that State to co-operate with
Illinois, Michigan, Wisconsin, lowa,
Kansas, Ohio, Kentucky and Pennsyl
vania in an inquiry as to how much for
eign capital is loaned in those States,
with a view of taxing that capital.
Sheep raising may be profitable, after
all, admits the Boston Transcript, if
this story of the experience of a young
New York woman is true: Two years
ago her brother, having money invested
in sheep in Utuh induced her to put
SISOO into the investment. She has late
ly sold her share to her brother for
$3500.
The baby King of Sjpain starts out well,
soliloquizes the San Francisco Chronicle,
by causing the death of his nurse before j
he has cut his milk teeth. If he had
been born four hundred years ealicr this
would probably have been regarded as a
good omen of his prowess as a warrior,
but in these degenerate days the incident
will be variously interpreted by the super
stitious.
Queen Liliuokalani,who succeeds Kala
kaua on the Hawaiian throne, is fifty
two years old. She is an amiable and
very intelligent woman, having a taste
for poetry and music. She is stately in
appearance and has a dignified carriage,
but of late years she has become rather
stout. She is animated and interesting
in conversation, speaking in the low and
musical toues that are peculiar to her
race. She speaks English and is well
versed in the current literature of the
day.
E. L. Godkin, iu the Forum, under
takes to prove that the expedition to re
lieve Emin was clearly a piratical under
taking, since it had the sanction of no
Government and its leader was responsi
ble to no power. In the course of the
argument Mr. Godkin shows the sym
pathy for Emin which caused the ex
pedition to be undertaken was a senti
ment born of the Gordon myth, and ha
points out the curious fact that the peo
ple of Africa, owing to the slave trade,
has always been regarded as fit spoil for
pirates even by civilized nations who hold
no such notions even about any other
savages. Mr. Godkin expresses the high
est admiration for Stanley's courage and
endurance, and approves of his conduct
of the expedition. It is its legal charac
ter only that he criticises.
The French people have given another
striking proof of their wealth as well as
of their confidence in the Government by
subscribing for sixteen times the amount
of the new loan of nearly $200,000,000.
"It is extremely doubtful," observes the
New York Neics, "whether any other na
tion, in Europe at least, could achieve so
great a financial victory in existing con
ditions. The farmers and working peo
ple of Frauce have taken the loan so ex
tensively that little is left for the banks.
Nowhere else arc the masses of the peo
ple so ready to intrust their earnings to
the Government, although the public
debt of France is already the greatest iu
the world. Those persons who have
been accustomed to regard the French
nation as approaching financial and po
litical decay may have reason to revise
their hasty judgments. The French peo
ple have reason to be proud of their
latest financial achievement."
SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN,
WHAT SHALL. «" PROFIT?
U I lay waste and wither up with doribt
The blessed fields ©f heaven wnero (ttce my
faith
Possessed itself serenely safe from death;
If I deny the things past finding out;
Or if 1 orphan my own soul of One
That seemed a Father, and make void the
place
Within me where He dwelt in power and
grace.
What do I gain, that am myself undone?
William D. Ilotcells, in Harper.
RECEIVING A PRINCE,
La Pauline isn't much of a place, and
yet even the train de luxe stops there.
This is because this is the junctiou where
trains leave on the little branch line that
runs to Hyers. A tall mountain stands
sentinel over La Pauline, and if a person
were on the top of the mountain he would
see Toulon and the iron-clads, as well as
a great stretch of the blue Mediterran
ean.
On the long platform north of the lino
five young men wcro marching up and
down together, singing at the top 3of
their voices:
"There is a tavern in this town—
In this town.
And there my true love sits him down,
Sits liira down.
And wo'Jl hnng our harps on the weeping
willow tree.
And may the world go weli with me—
Well with me,"
Or words to that effect. They sang very
boisterously, and suited their marching
to the tune, giving • three stamps witli
their feet all together when they came to
the refrain: "In this towu." They ap
peared to be American citizens, and
seemingly didn't give a hang if all the
world knew'it.
Suddenly the five stopped before a
young man who was seated on one of the
benches, lie was a quiet, dignified,
self-possessed young fellow, and he
looked up at them as they halted before
him.
"Come on, Johnson," said one of the
five, "we are not going to let you go
back on the crowd like this. You sing
bass, and we just want a good bass
voice."
"You do that," remarked Johnson,
quietly, "also, five other good voices."
"See here. It's easy for you to sit
here and criticise the singing, but we are
not going to allow that. You've got to
join in. Come on, Johnson."
"I don't see why we should make
idiots of ourselves in the south of France
any more than we should in America."
"But we do in America, dear boy, we
do. Always have done it, and we're not
going back on our record. Come on,
Johnson."
"I'm just a little tired of that tune,
you know."
"What's the matter with the tune?
It's the one Keenun sang all through
Siberia. Come on, Johnson."
But .Tohnson would not come on, and
so the five set at him and tried to force
him to join them. The uniformed man
of the station looked on with knitted
brows, apparently not knowing whether
this was a genuine row or not. Johnson
held the fort aud sent one after another
sprawling. Then one of them desisted,
aud started down the long platform sing
ing:
"There Is a tavern in this town."
The others joined him, while Johnson
sat serenely on the bench. The official
shrugged his shoulders aud evidently
thought these foreigners were hard to
understand.
There was a shrill whistle to the west,
and the train from Marseilles came rush
ing in.
I walked down the long train, opened
the door of a compartment that was
empty and took my seat. When the
train started there was a shout of warn
ing from the guard, and, before I could
look out to see what the matter was, the
door was flung open and one of the sing
ing young men tumbled in. The guard
slammed the door shut with a maledic
tion on the man who broko the rules and
nearly broke his neck. The ycung fel
low picked himself up, lifted his hat and
said:
"Pardonny moi mouseu—"
"Oh, that's all right," I answered,
"don't mention it. If that is your
usual way of getting into a train, you
will find yourself in a French jail or cut
in two on the track some day."
"Oh, you speak English, do you?" re
plied the young fellow, ignoring what I
said, and seemingly surprised that he had
not a monopoly of the language so far
south in France.
"Yes, I can make myself understood
in most parts of England and America."
"Well, then, you must have heard our
row with Johnson."
"About the alleged singing? Yes."
"Weill We're just laying for old
Johnson. You won't give it away, will
you?"
"Certainly not."
"Well, you see it's like this. Johnson's
mother was a Prince, aud—"
"A princess, you mean."
"No, she belonged to the old Prince
family of Boston. Johnson is very proud
of that branch of the family, more so
than of the Johnson side. His name is
J. Prince Johnson. We used to call him
Prince at college. Ho likes that, and
that's why we call him Johnson now."
"I noticed you ran in tho name John
son pretty often."
"Of course we did. Whenever he
tries to put on airs we call him Johnson
BO often that he gradually tones down.
Now, here's the plan we're putting up on
old Johnson, x got in here so he
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 1891.
wouldn't tumble. By tho way, where is
the first stop? Lend me your time book."
I threw the pamphlet over to him.
"Ah," he said, "we have half an hour
yet. By the way, where are you go
ing?"
"I'm going to Cannes."
"We're going to St. Raphael. That's
this side. Better stop off with us and
see the fun. It will be worth while."
•'lf it's worth while I'll stop. Tell mo
what it is, first."
"You wait till I write a telegram."
After a few moments he handed me a
telegram, of which this is a translation:
Proprietor Hotel of the Monarchs, Bt.
Raphael:
At 3 o'clock H. U. H. Prince Johnson will
arrive. Provide for him. Have onß car
riage at station for the prmca and one for his
suite. Provide suitable escort.
HON. SIR BROWN,
Chief of suite, J. K. S., N.I. X., O.K.
AC. AC.
"I think I see the plan. You are go
ing to prepare a princely reception for
Johnson."
"Exactly. He is really a quiet, unas
summing fellow and hates anything like
a fuss, even if he does put on airs now
and then. He'll be the most surprised
man you ever saw."
"I think I can tell you someono else
who will be more surprised."
"Yes? Who?"
"The fellow who has to pay the hotel
bill. He laughs best who makes out tho
bill. You will get the carriages and per
haps the escort and certainly the best
rooms in the house, but when tho bill
comes in it will paralyze you. I know
how they charge for that sort of honor.
I am a duke'myself."
"The dickens you are! Why, I
thought you were au American."
"But 1 never travel under my tittle. I
can't afford it. A duke is all right at
home, but on the continent I travel as
Mr. Welcome Smith."
"Well, nevertheless I thiuk we will
surprise the hotel-keeper as much as we
will surprise Johnson."
"You might do it nearer the frontier,
but I doubt if you will bo able to evade
payment here."
At this point in tho conversation the
train stopped and Brown got out to send
off his telegram. When he came back
into the train he began writing another.
"Arc you going to send more than one
dispatch?"
"Lord, yes! I'm gcing to fire a tele
gram from every place we stop at. I'm
going to work up St. Raphael. They'll
be getting returns from the back coun
ties most of the day. That's an Ayieri -
can piirale, you know."
"Oh, is it?"
And so the telegrams went from even
stopping place until we reached St. Ra
phael.
It was evident the moment we stopped
that there was an unusual commotion iu
the little Mediterranean town. The
platform was studded with officials iu
gorgeous uniform. As soon as Johnson
got out of the train we all ranged our
selvet behind him and kept our hats off,
while Johnson had his on his head. Tho
eagle eye of the hotel proprietor at once
took in the situation and he advanced to
ward the young man, bowing frequently
and deeply.
"11. R. 11. Prince Johnson?" he in
quired.
"Prince Johnson—yes. But. J. is the
initial."
With a wave of his hand die proprietor
introduced a gorgeous official, who at
once began to read au address of welcome
in French.
Johnson looked around him in a be
wildered way, as if somo one had hit him
with a club.
"Say, boys," he gasped, "thero is
something oil the line here. What's the
fuss, do you think? Whose funeral is
this, anyhow?"
•'Shut up, Prince," whispered Brown.
"Go through the thing and let us see
what's in it. That's what we came
abroad for."
When the address was finished John
son thanked the official in a dazed sort
of way and then turned to us.
"Come, boys," he said, "let us get
out of this as quickly as wo can."
The hotel proprietor walked by his
side, bowing all the way. When wo
reached the outside Johnson was aghast.
Insteod of getting out of it he had just
got into it. At a signal from the official
the town band struck up the Marsellaise
and tho millitia that they had managed
to gather together presented arms. The
whole populace seemed to be there and
they raised a cheer. One carriage had
four horses in front of it and the carriage
for the suite had two.
"Oh, this is Soo much," said Johnson
in auguish, as he drew his hand across
his brow.
"Better get into the carriage and get
this over as soon as possible," said
Brown. "You get iu with him, Duke. I
guess the boss in the gold laco is going,
too."
We three members of the nobility got
into the first carriage. Johnson turned
to me, "Are you a Duke?" ho asked.
"If you are, I'll bet a dollar all this is
for you. It's missed fire in somo way."
"They don't usually receive me in this
way."
"Then Brown's put up this job <m
me. If he has, you bet your life I'll get
even with him. I'll slay him. I'll wait
until wo get into Switzerland and then
drop him gently over a two-mile preci
pice; see if I don't. Still, if he lighted
on his cheek it wouldn't hurt him.
Brown's a villain."
All the officials of the hotel were ranged
out in two rows to receive us and the
people all along the route cheered.
Well, we spent a very nice time At
St. Raphael. But, just as I said, when
tho bill was called for, it was a corker.
Even Brown turned a shade paler whet)
he saw the appalling total.
' 'Don't you charge for the brass band
and the escort?''
"It is all inclusive," said the pro
prietor, with a low bow.
"Then wo won't have any trouble,"
continued Brown. "You see we travel -
with 's hotel coupons. We bought
them in London. You take them at thii
hotel. That's why I telegraphed to you."
"But," said the proprietor indignant
ly, "not for these rooms. You must
give me notice when you have 's
coupon's."
"They assured us in London that they
were good for the best in the house. You
can't give us any better than that, can
you?"
The proprietor was wild, but finally
the matter was compromised on what the
boys considered a square basis, which
was much less than the original bill.
When we were all in the railway car
riage bound for Cannes Johnson said:
"Brown, this thing has been more suc
cessful than you deserve. I'm willing to
let by-gones be by-gones; but there is
one thing that you will all have to
promise mo on your word of honor, and
that is that you will not let this get into
the newspapers at home."
Tho boys all gave the desired promise
that the affair would be a dead secret.
Johnson said to me:
"You have no idea what ferreting vil
lains American newspaper men are. If
they get a hint cf a thing, tho first you
know they know all about it. I think
we will be lucky it we keep this from
them."
I told him I thought they would be.—
Detroit Free Press.
A Queer Cable Message.
Governor Gilpin, of Colorado, had to
pay #147 for one of the first cable mes
sages that went over the ocean.
Gilpin was a good-natured fellow,
and the probability is that he came intc
the telegraph office at Denver and wrote
out the cable,never thinking it would be
sent. It was sent, however, and he had
to pay the bill.
The first Atlantic cable was completed
in 1858, and it was alleged that a dis
patch was received by President Bu
chanan from Queen Victoria over it.
This dispatch, however, was about all
that ever came over it. There wiu
skepticism throughout the United States
as to whether the dispatch ever got
through, and it was eight years after
this before any cable business was done.
The successful cable was the new line
completed 011 August 3, 1858. At this
time no one seemed to think the cable
would work. The Western Union had
sent a corps of operators and explorers
to Alasjta to build a line across Behring
Straits to Russia, and when it was an
nounced that the new cable was done
and that any one wishing to send dis
patches to Europe for $lO a word
could do so, the whole world laughed
and the telegraph operators looked upoc
it as a gigantic joke.
It was at this time that a dispatch
was received from Denver, Col., signed
by the Governor of the Territory, to be
forwarded to New York, aud addressed
to Paris. The dispatch had to be sent
from New York to Newfoundland by
steamer, and was there cabled. The dis
patch read:
"DENVER, Col., Aug. 4. 1850.— T0 Louis
Napoleon Bonaparte, Emperor, Tuilerios,
Paris, France. Please leave Bohemia alone.
No interference will be tolerated by this
Territory. JOHN GILPIN, Governor."
The message was looked upon as au
expensivo joke of Mr. Gilpin's and for
warded to New York. The result was
that it was sent to Newfoundland and
telegraphed, and Napoleon 111 no doubt
received it.
The price of the cablo was $147 in
gold. It seems that Governor Gilpin
came into the office, and, on being told
there that tho cable was completed,
dashed off this message and handed it
over, never supposing that it would bo
sent. The probability is that when he
found it was sent he paid tho bill.—
Philadelphia Times.
A Memory Test.
In a Western court, a witness had
been detailing, with great minuteness,
certain conversations which had occurred
several years before. Again and again
the witness testified to names aud dates,
and precise words, and it became neces
sary for his sross-examiner to break him
up. This was done by a very simple
device. While the witness was glibly
rattling off his testimony, the cross
examiner handed him a law-book and
said: "Read aloud a paragraph from
that book.'' "What for?" inquired the
witness. "I will tell you after you have
read it," said the lawyer, and the wit
ness accordingly read aloud a paragraph
of most uninteresting material about
lands, appurtenances, and hereditaments.
Then the lawyer went up and asked him
a few more questions about his memory,
and tho witness was positive that his
memory was very good. Suddenly the
lawyer said: "By the way, will you
please repeat that paragraph you iust
read about lands, appurtenances and
hereditments?" "Why, of course I
could not do that," replied the witness.
"You must have a queer memory," re
torted the lawyer, "since you can repeat
things that you say occurred years ago,
and you can not repeat what you read a
moment ago." Tho witness was non
plused."—Argonaut.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance ; $1.50 after Three Months.
How to Wear Shoes.
•'Do you know there isn't one man in
500 who know3 how to wear shoes?" re
marked a Clark street shoe dealer the
other day."The average man buys a
pair of shoes, wears them until they are
no longer presentable, and then throws
them away and buys another pair. A man
ought to have at least two pi.i rs of shoes
for everyday wear, and no pair should be
worn two days in succession. At lirst
thought this may strike you as a scheme
to benefit the shoo dealer, but it is noth
ing of the kind. In fact, such a plan
would injure the shoe business. Two
pairs of shoes worn alternately will last
three times as long as a single pair. The
saving, of course, is made in the wearing
of the leather. A pair of shoes worn
every day goes to pieces more than twice
as fast as a pair worn every second day.
I know that proposition is a staggerer,
but it is true, nevertheless. A man does
not wear out two pair of shoes in exactly
the same manner. Do you remember how
au old pair feel when you first put them,
on again after they have been discarded
for awhile? They didn't fit you like
your new shoes, and the contrast is very
marked. But the same thing holds true
in the case of new shoes. No two pair
fit your feet in exactly the same way. In
one pair the strain and wear of the
leather fall heaviest upon one particular
part of the shoe, and in another the
greatest wear and tear fall upon another
part altogether."— Chicago Mail.
A Leper Village in Colombia.
A strange community is that of Agua
di Dios, the leper village in Colombia, as
described by our Consul at Bogota.
Situated at about fourteen hundred feet
above the sea level, with a dry, sandy
soil, and a temperature of eighty-two to
eighty-five degrees Fahrenheit, this spot
has been chosen for the lazzaretto by the
Government 011 account of its ancient
reputation for the cure of leprosy. Some
five hundred and twenty sufferers from
this terrible visitation dwell here, and
form about one-third of tho population;
but the most remarkable fact regarding
the settlement is that lepers and healthy
persons are described as living on terms
of perfect intimacy, there being no spe
cific leper quarter, though every house in
the village stands apart in a garden. Mr.
Wheeler states that there is no case on
record of the disease having been con
tracted here by contagion. Even where
lepers have married healthy persons, the
husband or wife has never been known to
take it from the other. On the other
hand, the mournful fact is admitted that
children born of such unions arc gen
erally afflicted.— London Neic*.
The Cnrfew.
As in Old England, so in New Eng
land is the curfew still heard. In Boston
the nine o'clock bell was rung from time
immemorial up to within a very few
years. So, also, at eight o'clock in the
morning and one o'clock in the after
noon. Many Bostonians regretfully miss
this good old custom; old, .-us is wit
nessed by Joseph Josselyu, who visited
Boston in 1003, and in his description
says:"On the South there is a small but
pleasant Common, where the gallants, a
little before sunset, walk with their
marmalet madauis, as we do iu Moors
field, etc., till the nine o'clock bell rings
them home to their respective habita
tions, when presently the constables
walk tlieir rounds to see good order kept
and take up loose people."
In many of our towns the curfew still
rings out o'er hill and dale. In South
America it is called the "Stay-bell"—
toque de la queda—and after it was rung,
at ten o'clock, the use of the streets was
forbidden by municipal ordinances to
the inhabitants of Quito and other Peru
vian towns.— New England Magazine.
Nonchalance of a Famous General.
At the taking of Moscow, Russia,
while the troops sat in their saddles
under a murderous fire, Murat received a
dispatch to which an answer was re
quired. Though his mettlesome horse
was trembling, Murat laid the reins upon
the horn of the saddle, took his note
book in oue hand and a pencil in the
other, and began to write a response.
Suddenly a shell fell and exploded on
the ground close by. The horse leaped
into the air and swung wildly around.
Murat simply transferred the pencil to
the hand that held the note book, calmed
the horse with tho other hand, and then
went on writing his dispatch as if noth
ing had happened.
A shout of admiration went up along
the line. Murat saw that the enthusiasm
aroused by his trifling act had created a
favorable moment for a charge. lie
gave the order, and his men swept clear
through the enemy's line.— Atlanta Con
stitution.
A Powerful Electric Crane.
A powerful crane, says the Philadel
phia lie.cord, capable of raising into the
air, in response to the touch of an elec
tric button, a locomotive weighing ninety
tons has been put iu operatiou at the
Baldwin Locomotive Works. The huge
engine rides smoothly on a heavy track
elevated twenty-eight feet above the
level of the floor of the main shop. For
merly the work of raising from the
giound a locomotive in process of con
structing was accomplished with great
difficulty by the aid of hydraulic jacks.
At present the locomotive, whose wheels
or other parts are to be adjusted, is
grasped in a wrought iron yoke, and, with
surprising ease, lifted in obedience to the
engineer's touoli into mid air and shifted
to aii) desired position in the shop*.
NO. 22.
WINDOW-PANE PICTURES.
Prom eve till dawn, the loDg night through,
Cold winter's elfin band r
Such pictures drew
As never grew
Beneath the touch of human hand.
In dawn's Him light they faintly gleamed
On frozen panes, and glimpses seemed
To give of fairy land.
The boughs of great old trees were beat
With silver sheen; and forth was sent
A frosty light from distant height.
Where glitt'ring spires appeared to sight.
And far-off castle wall.
Now here at hand, like a silver strand,
Hanging in mid-air fairily,
A drawbridge spanned the chasm grand,
Gleaming before us airily.
A stream flowed down the mountain's side,
And cast a silvery spray,
Then dashing on with leap and slide,
With graceful bound and easy glide
It reached the boulders gray,
And in deep gorges swept away.
Now o'er the cold, gray landscape camo
A wavering light, apalo rose tinge
That touched the leaves and mosses' fringe,
Then slowly grew to ruby flame
Setting the distant peaks aglow,
Melting from frozon heights their snow.
So fairy-land now fades away.
And wo may watch in vain.
Our frostmade pictures melt from sight—
The drops roll down the pane.
—Mabel Nichols, in St. Nicholas.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A trade mark—Talking shop.
A popular measure—Brim-full.
The Farmers' Alliance—A rural mar
riage.
The cowboy in the high-liceled boots
is in his stocking feet.— Chicago News.
An Arab who has lost his teeth prob
ably speaks only gum Arabic.— Buffalo
Express.
He—"May I hope?" She—"Yes; if
you will promise never to refer to the
matter again.''— Life.
The tanner's trade is an entirely honor
able one, and yet they do 3ay it is a skin
deal.— llinqhamtim Republican.
E. Z. LaiTer—"That old doctor is a
funny fellow." Dana S. Lydig—"Yes,
indeed. He's always taking somebody
off." .
Old habits are hard to get rid of—as
you find when you them to the
I second-hand clothing gtore— St. Joseph
\ {Mo.) News.
It is not advisable for a bank cashier
I to read nautical ta! :s; the practice might
| inspire him to become a "skipper."—
! Boston Courier.
"I'll bet," said Cliollie, "judging
| from the way these trousers shrink, the
I wool was shorn from an unusually timid
| sheep."— Puck.
j Judge—"Boy, do you understand the
nature of an oath?" Juvenile Witness—
-1 "Yes'r. It's human nature, I reckon."—
i Chicago Tribune.
The bachelor thinks that the baby is a
blot on the landscape, and the baby's
112 mother knows that the bachelor is—
! Somerville Journal.
Ethel—"l always make it a point to
learn something new every day." Maud—
"Theu you are not so old as I thought
| you."— Harper s Bazar.
i Of all the torments known toman
The greatest, wo assert,
Is to wear a fourteen collar
Upon a fifteen shirt.
Goodall's Sun.
"Old Curmudgeon is the meanest,
j stingiest man in town, and yet you say
j that there isn't a selfish hair on his
j head!" "Curmudgeon, sir, is entirely
j bald."
i Oh, gas may escape and gas may burst,
And vanish in noise and flame;
; But the meter's hand, in its quiat way,
1 Ooes traveling onward day by day,
I And gets there just the same.
—Topical Times.
I An eminent surgeon says that with
I four cuts and a few stitches he can alter
I a man's face so his own mother would
not know him. That's nothing. Our
daily newspapers do that much with only
one cut.— Mercury.
When in the footlight's glaro she stands.
Men think tier one of the fairy queens;
What would they say,
Could they but sea
The way she tackles the pork and beans.
Chicago News.
Scientific Notes: How wonderfully
are the inventions of man anticipated in
the animal kingdom! The cuttle-fish
has the power of covering itself with a
sudden effusion of any inky fluid—and
what more can man do with the most in
genious fountain pen?— Puck.
Unless with mirriage I mean to dispense
Now's the time to wed, and no longer
tarry;
If I longer wait I may have more sense —
If I have more sense then I'll never
marry.
—Judge.
Ignoramus (at a party a few years
hence) —"What is the matter with Miss
Beauty's once lovely arms? They aro full
of horrid red blotches atd scratches."
Scientific Guest—"Oh, that's all right.
She has simply been vaccinated against
consumption, small-pox, typhoid fever,
and twenty or thirty other diseases."—
New York Wtekly.
"I should like to observe, mndamc,"
said the patient border, "that while lam
very fond of the neck of the fowl you
are carving I shall deny a yself this and
beg for it large white chunk oil the
breast. With this view I have had my
trunk packed and a drayman is now wait
ing at the door for au answer. Er—l#
it breast or neck?"— Chicago News,