SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W, il, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
The best data attainable gives th«
Republic of Columbia a population ol
3.540,000.
An English pennv-in-the-slot machine
company has been mulcted in damagci
by tho victim of a machine that didn't
•work.
Mexico's tariff of $'2.50 per hog has
failed to suppress the American imports
of that article of fool, remarks tho
Boston Cultivator, but it has sent up the
price in the City of Mexico from eight to
twelve cents per pound.
A man was recently sent to prison in
New York City because he could not
lurnish SSOO bonds to keep the peace.
As there was no one to furnish it for
him this was practically imprisonment
for life, so after a couple of months the
man was called up and discharged.
The Dutch haven't set any new fashion
in calling their Queen "King Wilhel
mina," after all, the Boston Transcript
has discovered. Wasn't Isabella always
spoken of as one of the "Kings" of
Spain, and did not the Hungarians shout
as a rallying cry, "We will die for our
King, Maria Theresa?"
The Boston Cultivator thinks it strange
that "though Germany is opposed to tho
importation of American pork, she
admits our beef. Recent shipments of
dressed beef to Hamburg were well re
ceived, and sold at remunerative prices.
It was pronounced much superior to the
Australian beef. The masses in Ger
many demand cheaper meat. They will
welcome shipments of American beef,
and before long will force the Govern
ment to admit our pork."
The United States Senate is a remarka
ble body in more ways than one. Its
members stand as follows as to age, ac
cording to a table compiled by the New
Orleans Times-Democrat:
B nt. SO 3 at 70 3 at 5&
1 at 85 g at 09 1 at !JT
I nt 83 4 at 08 1 at 50
I at 81 3 at 07 3 at 55
1 at, 70 2 at 00 3 at 5J
3 at 78 1 nt 05 3 at 55
1 at 77 3 at 04 3 at 51
4 at 70 1 at 63 3 at 50
3 at 75 3 at fll 1 at 4S
1 at 74 S at 00 1 at 45
4 at 73 1 at 50 1 at 8S
1 at 71
Five members are octogenarians, nine
teen are over seventy, and twentv-oue
have passed sixty. "The hasty legisla
tion bred of youthful zeal is scarcely
likely to pass the Upper House," ex
claims the Times- Democrat.
Collector Phelps, of San Francisco,
Cal., in testifying before the Con
gressional Committee, spoke of the
opium smoking of the Chinese uni of
how they had introduced the habit among
white people. He would have astringent
law against the sale or use of the drug.
A new law would be useless, declares
the lteport. The old law uud public
opinion have already greatly reduced the
use of opium. We mean that the habit
is not spreading nearly ns fast as it was.
It is a vice that cannot be practiced in
secret. The fumes of the drug are too
penetrating for that, while the apparatus
is clumsy and not easily carried about or
concealed. So morphine and the syringe
have succeeded opium and the jripe.
The morphine habit is frightfully
prevalent and will spread. No con
gressional committees or laws will stop
it. It seems destined to be the national
vice.
Word comes from Brazil that the
youngest Republic on the American con
tinent proposes to hold a World's Fair
of its own. It wants to celebrate Colum
bus's discovery and at the same time let
the world know how Republican institu
tions are working out there. The Bra
zilians have no idea of conflicting with
Jhe celebration at Chicago. Their notion
is at that their exposition may be made
an auxiliary to the Columbian Exposition
of the United States. They propose to
open it January, 1893, at Rio Janeiro.
That is the summer season in Brazil. Af
ter a few months their idea is to close
and transfer their whole exhibit to Chi
cago iu timo for tho opening of the Fair.
The Brazilians are anxious for the United
States to extend them a friendly hand.
They think the co-operation of this
country will insure the success of their
celebration. Tiio matter has been in
formally brought to the attention of the
State Department and of Congress. It is
pruposed to ask an appropriation of
ky ::><) for a United States exhibit, but
uv defiu'te step yet has been takea«
A WOMAN'S WEAPON. ,
"What is a woman's weapon!"
I asked of a charming girl.
She dropped her lashes shyly
And stroked a vagrant curl
Then consciously she murmured—
This rosebud newly out:
"I have a strong suspicion
Her weapon is a pout?'
"What is a woman's weapon?"
I asked of Farmer Straw.
He looked at me in wonder;
Then sadly muttered, "Law|
Don't mention it to Nancy,"
And down his head he hung,
"But I am of the 'pinion
Her weapon is her tongue."
"What is a woman's weapon?"
I asked a matron tall.
She pointed to a broomstick
Tbat graced the kitchen wall.
"There stands a woman's weapon I"
Bbe cried, in tones of ire,
And swiftly I retreated
Before that hint so dire.
"What is a woman's weapon?"
I asked a lover true,
ne turned him to a maideu
With eyes of heavenly blue,
Her velvet lips were partsd,
All innocent of guile,
And eagerly she answered:
"Her weapon is a smile."
"What is a woman's weapon?"
I asked a poet then.
With sudden inspiration
He seized upon his pen.
"Oh, I could name a thousand,"
He cried, in accents clear;
"But woman's surest weapon,
I grant you, is a tear!"
—Helen Whitney Clark, in Saturday Night.
THE LOST LEG.
In the autumn of 1782 the surgeon,
Louis Thevenet, of Calais, received a
note without signature requesting him to
call on the following day at a retired
country house situated on the road lead
ing toward Paris, and to bring with him
what might be needed to perform au
amputation. Thevenet was at that time
widely known as the most skillful man
in his profession, and it was not an un
usual occurrence for him to be sum
moned across the channel to England
for the exercise of his professional skill.
He had served a long timo in the prrny,
was somewhat brusque in his rfanucr,
and yet one could not help lovinir him for
his nativ# kindness of heart. /■
Thevenet was sur/vised by
the receipt of this anonyiirnua note. The
day, the hour and place, were given wit i
the greatest exactness, but, us stated,
the signature wag wanting. Some buf
foon probably thinks to make a fool of
me, thought he, and he did not go.
Three days later he received a similar
invitation, but in more urgent terms,
and also containing a notification that on
the following day, at 9 o'clock, a car
riage would call at his house to fetch
him.
In truth, on the following morning, as
the clock struck 9, an elegant open car
riage appeared before his door. Thev
enet, without further hesitation, seated
himself in it. At the door of tho car
riage, however, he said to the coach
man: "To whom are you going to take
me?"
"Things which I do not know do not
concern me," replied the coachman.
"You are a churl," replied Thevenet.
At length the carriage stopped in
front of the house before indicated.
"Upon whom am Ito call?" "Who
lives here?'' "Who is ill here?" inquired
Thevenet of the coachman, before get
ting out of the carriage. The coachman,
however, returned the same answer as
before.
At the house door he was received by
o young man of about 28, who conducted
him up a flight of staire and into a large
chamber. The speech of the young man
disclosed the fact that he was a Briton.
Thevenet addressed him in English and
received friendly replies.
"You have sent for me," said the
surgeon.
"I am very thankful for the pains you
have taken to visit me," replied the Eng
lishman. "Will you please to be seated.
Here is chocolate, coffee and wine, in
case you desire to partake of some re
freshments before the operation."
"First show me to the patient, sir; I
must first make an examination to de
termine if nn amputation is necessary."
"I assure you, Mons. Thevenet, it is
necessary. Pray be Heated. I have per
fect faith in your skill. Listen to me.
Here is a purse containing a hundred
guineas. They are intended for you as
payment for the operation which you are
to undertake; and that will not be
all you will receive,- provided the thing
is successfully accomplished. On the
other hand, if you refuse to yield to my
desire, you see here this pistol; you are
in my power, and I will shoot you
down."
"Sir, Ido not fear your pistol. But
•what do you desire of mc? Speak out
without further parley. Why am I
brought here?"
"You must amputate my right leg."
•'With all my heart, and if you de
sire, your head also. But if I am not
mistaken, your leg is quite sound. You
ran up the stairs before me as nimbly as a
rope-dancer. What is the matter with
your leg!"
'■Nothing; I only wish to be rid of
it."
"Sir, you area fool."
"That is no affair of jours, Mons.
Thevenet,"
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 27, 1891.
"In what waj has your leg offended
you?"
"In no way; but I am bound to have
it amputated."
"Sir, Ido not know you. At least
produce before me some witness who will
testify to your soundness of intellect."
"Will you accede to my wish, Mons.
Thevenet?"
"Just as soon, sir, as you givo me some
defensible ground for your desire to be
mutilated."
"I cannot at the present moment com
municate to you the truth of the matter.
Perhaps I may do so after tho lapse of a
year. But I nm willing to wager you,
monsieur, that a year hence you yourself
will affL-m that the ground upon which
rested the desire to be free of my leg was
tho noblest."
"I will not wager, so long as you do
not give me your name, your place of
residence, your family and your occupa
tion."
"All that you shall know in tho future,
not at present. I pray you, however, to
consider me as a man of honor."
"An honorable man does not menace
his physician with a pistol. I will not
mutilate you without there is a necessity
for so doing. I have duties to discharge
even to you—a stranger. If you are
possessed of a desire to become the mur
derer of an innocent man, the father of
a family, then shoot 1"
"Good! Mons, Thevenet," exclaimed
the Briton, seizing the pistol. "I will
not shoot you, yet will I force you to
amputate my leg. What you will not
do for mo either out of courtesy or lovo
of reward cr fear of a bullet, you shall
accord through pity."
"How so, sir?"
"I will myself, here upon tho spot,
before your eyes, shatter my log with a
pistol shot."
The Englishman sat down, soized the
pistol aud held the muzzle close against
his knee. Mons. Thevenet was about to
spring towards him to wrest tho pistol
f loin his hand.
"Do not move," said the Englishman,
"or I will fire. Only answer me one
question: Do you wish unuccesiarily to
increase and prolong my suffering?"
"Sir, you are a fool! Have your own
way! I will take you leg off."
Everything was mado ready for the
I operation. As the first cut was about to
■ mf.de the Englishman lighted his pipe and
swore jt should not go out. He kept his
word. Presently the leg lay on tho flopi.
Tho Englishman ainoKe.
Mons. Thevenet accomplished his task
like a master. The invalid was, through
his skill, in brief time restored to health.
He rewarded his physician, whom he es
teemed moro highly every day; shed
tears of joy for the loss of his limb, and
sailed back to England with a wooden
leg.
Some eighteen weeks after the English
man's departure, Thevenet received a
letter from England, the contents of
which were the following :
You receive thoinclosuro as a proof of my
most profound gratitude. It isa draft for
two hundred and fifty guinens on Mons.
Panschaud, banker, in Paris. You have
made me the happiast of earthly mortals in
depriving me of my limb, which stood in th c
way of my earthly happiness.
Worthy man, now you may know the
causo of my foolish whim, as youthen called
it. You asserted, on the occasion referred
to. that there could be no reasonable ground
for a self-imposed mutilation such as mine. I
offered then to lay you a wager. You acted
wisely in not accepting it.
After my second return from the East In
dies I made the acquaintance of Euiily Har
ley, the nyjst perfect of womeu. 1 adored
her. Her wealth, her faunly connections were
satisfactory to my relatives. To me her
beaut}- and angelic disposition alone at
tractive. I mingled in tho throng of her ad
mirers. Alas! my good Thevenet, I was for
tunate enough to become the most unfortu
nate of my rivals. She loved me—beyond
any and all men, me. She did not couceal
it; and for that very reason she dismissed
me. In vain I supplicated for her hand. Her
parents and friends all joined with me. In
vain! She remained immovable.
For aloug time I was uuable to discover
tho ground of her objection to marriage with
me, whom she passionately loved, as she her
self confessed. At length one of her sisters
disclosed to mo the secret. Miss Harley was
marvelousiy beautiful, but had the misfor
tune to have been born with one leg, and by
reason of this imperfection she hesitated to
become my wife. She feared I would esteem
her less on account of this imperfection.
I at once resolved to become like her.
Thanks to you, my good Thevenet,the thing
was accomplished.
I returned to London with my artificial
leg. My first thought was to visit Miss Har
ley. I had previously written to England
that through a fall from my horse I had
broken my Teg, and that amputation had be
come necessary. I had tho sympathy of all,
and Emily swooned the first time she saw
me. She was for a long timo inconsolable,
but she became my wife. The day follow
ing our marriage I confided to her ray secret
how great a sacrifice my desii e to possess hor
had cost me. She loved mo so much the mora
tenderly. Oh I my good Thevanet, if I pos
sessed ten legs to lose, I would, without a
sign of regret, give them all for Emily.
1 shall be grateful to you so loug as I live.
Come to London and visit us. Learn to
know my glorious wife, and then say again
"I am a fool." CHARLES TEMPI.E.
Mons. Thevenet showed this letter to
his friends, and rotated the incident,and
laughed inoat heartily as often as he told
tho story. "Nevertheless, ho is a fool,"
said ho.
The following was Mons. Thevenet's
reply:
Sir, I thank you for your magnificent pres
ent, for so I must call it, because I cannot
term it compensation for the small service I
rendered you.
I wish you happiness in your marriage
with the most worthy of English ladies. It
is true a leg is much to give for a beautiful,
virtuous and tender wife; yet not too much,
if in tho end onodoes not come to feel that he
has been cheated in the exchange. Adam
was obliged to sacrifice a rib lor his wife;
and it has eost many other men a rili for
tberr roves-—some a head. Hut after all you
[ must permit me, very moderately, to stand
by my opinion. Indeed, for tho present mo
: rsent you are right. You ore now in the
1 paradise of the spring time of matrimony.
But lam right also, with thts different*
only, that my view comes but slowly to bt
recognised and accepted, like every trntt
which one at first declines to receive.
Have a care, sir; I fear that within tw»
years you will regret that you had your le|
taken off above the knee.
You will think it would have been mud
better below the knee. At the end of thret
years you will be convinced that the loss ot
a foot would have been sufficient. In foul
years you will affirm that the sacrifice of I
great toe, and in five years, the amputatioi
of a little toe would be too great. At thi
end of six years, you will confess that tht
cutting off the nail would have been suffl
cient
I say all this without any purpose of de
tract in 5 from the worth of your estimablt
wife. In my youth I could any day havt
sacriflood my life for a beautiful woman, but
never a leg; for that I should never, my lift
long, have coasod to repent. If I had dont
80, 1 should to-day say, "Thevanet, thou
wart a fool."
With whiclf I have the honor to be.
Your most obedient servant,
THEVENET.
In the year 1793, during the Reign o!
Terror, Mons. Tlieveuet, whom a young
surgeon hart caused to be suspected oi
being in sympathy with the aristocracy,
fled to London to save his head from tht
knife of the all-leveling guillotine.
Either from loneliness or a desire to seek
out acquaintances Thevenet made in
quiries for Sir Charles Temple. His resi
dence was pointed out to him. He called
and was admitted. In an easy chair, bj
the fireside, surrounded by newspapers,
sat a fat gentleman. So unwieldy wa»
he that he could with difficulty rise.
"Ah, Mons. Thevenet," cried the fat
gentleman—who was none other than
Sir Temple—Pardon me if I do not rise;
but this accursed wooden leg hinders me
in all I would do. Friend, you have
como probably to ascertain whether I
have yet come to be of your mind oi
not."
"I corneas a fugitive to seek your pro
tection."
"Then you must take up your quar
ters with me, for truly, you arc a wise
man! You must comfort me. Indeed,
Thevenet. I might to-day be an admiral
under the blue flag if this godleßS leg
had not made me unfit for the service of
my country. Here I sat and read the
papers, because I can't be there. Come,
you must comfort me."
"Your wife will know better how to
comfort you than I."
"Ah! nothing of that, ller wooden
leg prevents her from dancing, therefore
she devotes herself to cards and gossip.
There is no getting along with her—
otherwise bile is n worthy wife."
"Then I was right, after all?"
"Oh, entirely, my dear Thevenett
But not a wor.l on the subject. It was
a stupid affair. If I had my leg again I
wouldn't give the paring of a nail from
it. Between ourselves, I was a fool. But
keep that truth to yourself."— Detroit
Free Press.
Decay of New England's Hill Towns.
This decay of great numbers of tho
hill towns of New England is undeniable
and most serious, writes Edwin 8.
Mead, in the AVUJ England Magazine.
The spectacle presented in scores of
towns in New Hampshire and Vermont
and Massachusetts, once scenes of vigor
ous and successful life, is certainly
melancholy. The main reasons for it are
not hard to find, and they are clearly
pointed out by almost every writer who
addresses himself to the subject. They
lie in the opening up of the great West,
with the easier couditions of its fertile
lands in the agricultural competition,
and in the wonderful development of
manufactures in New England, with thu
beckonings to the hills of the rivers and
the cities. But it is not hard to see that
these beckonings from the factory and
tho prairie canuot possibly continue so
strong as they have been during the last
fifty years; and there is no reason to
doubt that a new era of prosperity lies
before every one of these hill towns. The
New Englander need not fall into a
panic; but he will do well if the discus
sion, now become so general and urgent,
leads him to follow Dr. Dike's advice
and study the matter in a really method
ical and careful way. He will do well
if he learns to love the country better
than himself, and to live more in the
country, resisting the feverish and un
wholesome impulse to huddle forever in
the town, and if he magnifies the farm
er's calling. He will help the case if he
does something toward carrying into the
country what is best in the town, and the
hunger for which so often drives the
lonely young man and woman from the
farm—the library, the lecture, music, art,
a living church, and whatever makes
possible tho valid sharing in tho larger
and significant interests of life.
Meantime, whatever the truth in the
indictment, let not other facts be forgot
ten. New England as a whole was never
so populous or prosperous as to-day.
The census does not speak tho language
of discouragement. Let us compare the
population of the six States, as given by
the recent census and the preceding one:
Population Fnpu,ation
in 1891). in IWO.
Connecticut 745,8f.l 632,700
Maine 660,261 648,036
Massachusetts 2.233,407 1,783,08S
New Hampshire 375,827 346,!1U1
Ithodo Island 34-VHB 270,531
Vermont 882,205 33i,3fM
Total 4,692,90* 4,010,528
Young Noodle—"Did you say, Pro
fessor, that physiology was the science
that treats of the functions of the bodvP
Professor—"Yes, sir." ¥. N.—"Thei
under the head of what ology would a
study of the mind come?" P t'l am
afraid. Noodle, that in your ease it would
come under the head of myth oloyy."—
Huston Courier,
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC ANI) INDUSTRIAL.
An "atmosphere" is a pressure of 14.7
pounds to the square inch.
Doctor Koch's lymph is described as
of a rich amber color, covered with
foam.
A Pensylvania manufacturer claims
that he can manufacture aluminum for
fifty cents per pound.
The city of Denver, Col., is discussing
the possibility of establishing a plant for
furnishing its own electric lights.
Of the 4200 species of flowers now
cultivated in Europe, it is said that only
ten per cent, give forth any odor.
The experiment of chloroforming a
person during sleep has been made suc
cessfully. It cannot by any means be
said to be uniformly successful.
A good way to keep modeling clay
moist is to knead dry clay with glycerine.
The mass thus obtained continues moist
and plastic for a length of time.
The Hungarian Government favors a
scheme for an electric railway between
Vienna and Buda Pesth, a distance pf
150 miles, to run single cars every ten
minutes.
Celluloid in solution is now being ex
tensively used as a lacquer for alt kinds
of fine metal work and as a wood var
nish, with results that are said to be su
perior to tho old methods.
It is said that the torpedo boat Bath
urst, that recently made a mean speed of
24.45 knots per hour, represents the last
refinement of mechanical engineering,
and that it hardly seems possible to im
prove upon her as long as steel remains
the chief material of construction.
Tho apparently almost inevitable fail
ure of some one of the thirty, or there
abouts, machines employed in working
a full equipped great gun has caused a
reaction in England in favor of smaller
guns and of doing away with as much
machinery as possible. The Thunderer's
100-tonners have been taken out and re
placed with 29-tonners, worked entirely
by hand.
Many authoritative disclaimers have
been recently made against the indis
criminate use of such preservatives as
borax, boric acid and salicylic acid,more
especially as applied to milk, cream, and
other articles of- food aud drink. Their
actual injuriousness is not asserted, but
in many cases it is believed that their
function can be performed better and
more safely by refrigeration. _ ••
The steam engines of the world repre
sent, approximately, the working power
of 1,000,000,000 of men, or more than
double the working population of the
world, the total population of which is
usually estimated at 1,455,923,000 in
habitants. Steam has accordingly ena
bled man to treble his working power,
making it possible for him to economize
his physical streugth while attending to
his intellectual development.
A prize has been given in France by
the Society for the Encouragement of
National Industry, for a process for re
covering tin contained in the wash of
water from silks which have been treated
with bichloride of tin, for tho purpose
of giving weight. By adding milk of
lime to the water, and by properly agi ■
tating, the tin settles down in a few
hours in the state of oxide, which can
be readily collected and disposed of.
A quick and easy method for deter
mining whether or not a fabric is "all
wool" is given in the London Lancet.
This is to separate the warp from the
woof aud to hold each to a flame. Wool
burns into a shapeless mass and no
threads can be traced in its ash. If re
moved from the fire before it is all
burned it ceases to blaze; cotton, on the
contrary, continues to burn steadily, and
its ash retains the shape of the thread.
P. T. Barnnm's Childhood Philosophy.
If you would be as happy as a child,
please one.
Childish wonder is the first step in hu
man wisdom.
To best please a child is the highest
triumph of philosophy.
To stimulate wholesome curiosity in tho
mind of the child is to plant golden
seed.
I would rather be called the children's
friend than the world's king.
Amusement to children is like rain to
flowers.
He that makes knowledge most attrac
tive to the young is the king of sages.
Childish laughter is the echo of heav
enly music.
The noblest art is that of making
others happy.
Wholesome recreation conquors evil
thoughts.
Innocent amusement transforms tean
into rainbows.
His Grandmother Was a Revolutionary
Veteran.
Professor Gilbert Thompson, latelj
elected a member of the Society of the
Sons of*Rie American Revolution, based
his claim to membership on. his descent
on his father's side from Private Nath
aniel Gilbert, a faithful soldier in Wash
ington's army, and on the mother's side
from Private Deborah Gaunett, who,
moved thereto by "zeal for the good ol
her country, enlisted under the name of
"Robert Shurtleff," and served for nearly
throe years, when she was honorably dis
charged, having been present at the cap
ture of Cornwaliis and wounded at Tarry
town, and subseqently liuving been paid
a pension by the United States, her pe
tition therefor being supported by the
highest testimonials as to character and
courage.— Chicago Tittm i.
NO. 20.
THE DESERTED FARM.
A dust-worn traveler draws hU rein
At sunsets dreamy hour,
With longing look o'er bill and plain
Gives sway to memory's power.
Long years have passed since last he viewed
His native heath and hill,
And silence now with shadowy brood
Makes nature wierdly still.
There stands the homestead of his youth.
And clustering round the door
Come visions bright of love and truti
From memory's endless store.
He sees again his father's form
Withih the doorway stand,
His thin locks, whitened by the storm, I
By passing breezes fanned; 112
Mother, and sisters, brothers, there
Resume their wonted place.
And lost nwhilo in scenes so fair
He sees each loving face,
But wakened from bis blissful dream.
The past returns no more;
Alone he stands, while sunset's gleani
Casts shadows on the door.
Deserted now its windows blank
Stare at the passer-by.
And weeds and grasses, stale an' rank,
In wind-swept chaos lie.
No more from pastures green, at night,
To farm-yard comes tho kino,
Nor homeward come with hearts so light
The boys of "auld lang syne."
No neighing steed from yonder stall
Impatient calls his mate,
The shades of night around him fall
And all is desolate.
He turns again—with lingering look
Surveys tho old domain.
He hears the murmuring of the brook
Which onward seeks the plain;
His old Now England hillside home,
Amid the gathering gloom—
The wanderer turns once more to roam,
And leave it to its doom.
The sighing winds a requiem sing
Amid the cheerless calm,
A saddened memory still to bring
The old "deserted farm."
W. M. Rogers, in Boston Transcript.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A welcome vis-a-vis—A $5 bill.
A cook book is the funeral service of
the dumb creation.— Puck.
The worst thing in the inince pie is
tbo dream.— Pittsburg Dispatch.
Courage is a hardy plant; it is never
destroyed by being- - plucked up."—
Puck.
The Queen of England turns the
financial scales at £9,000,000. — Albany
Argun.
It is not polite to pocket anything at
the table, unless it happens to be a bil
liard ball.— New York News.
A sad sight in this world is to see an
old hen trying to plume herself to look
chic.— Scranton Republican.
Highest grade of iuipudeuce—To wait
in an umbrella shop for shower to pass
over.— Denver Field and barm.
"I floated out with the tide"—as the
best man explained when asked how he
came to have rice in his hair.— Puck.
Teacher—"Can you tell me what a
secret is?" Little Girl—"Yes'in. It is
something somebody tells everybody else
in a whisper."— Chicago Neies.
The latest achievement in modern sci
ence is that effected by the Old Lady of
Threadneedle street iu bridging over
Baring's Straits.— London Judy.
Some men receive impressions after
the manner of a -blotter. They get
things directly opposite from what they
were originally.— Boston. Transcript.
I yearn for you, my love," he sighed,
"Can you my love return?'
"Well, that deponds," the girl replied,
"Just how much can you earn?''
—Homer cilia Journal.
Lillic—"Oh, Miniiie! I have such a
da , unique fad. I have stuffed a pil
low with nil Cholly's love letters."
Minnie—"How soft your pillow must
be."— Epoch.
Benevolent Man--"If you are blind,
how could you see to pick up that half
dollar I dropped?" Beggar—"My heart
has been made so light by your charity
that I can see by it."— Buffalo Erprtt*.
Scene, Newport—"How well pre
served Lord Bawnbast is—is he not a
great swell?" "Oh, yes (with a burst of
contideuce). Do you know when he ar
rived he was obliged to pay duty on
himself as a work of art?"— Brooklyn
Life.
Pedestrian (turning suddenly upon a
tramp)—" See, here; you skip, or I'll
hand you over to the police. You're after
no good." Tramp—"Well, stranger,
now that I have a good look at your face,
guess you're about right."— Chicago
News.
"Please, sir, would you see if you have
a letter for Marie Shirmer?" "A busi
ness letter or a love letter?" "A busi
ness letter." "No, there is none to that
name." A quarter of an hour after:
"Would it be too much trouble for you
to see whether there may not be one
among the oth« letters*"— Fliegend<
BUietter.
"You have beeu fighting, my son,"
said the alderman from the 'steenth ward,
severely. "Yes, sir," replied the boy.
"The dirty little scoundrel on the other
side of the street told me you'd sell your
vote in the Council tiny time for a hun
dred dollars, and I chugged him one on
the jaw." "That was right, my son,"
said the alderman. "OHO hundred dol
lars"—ami he spoke with much emphasis
anil decision—"would be no tempta
tion."*—C/*wifo 'i'riluj±t.