SULLIYAN REPUBLICAN.
W. M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
Philadelphia is said to have $15,000,-
000 luvested in the South.
The New York World declares that
"the monopolies in this country have
made more millionaires in twenty years
that all Europe has made in 500 years."
It is estimated that each year in New
York City three thousand women find
themselves stranded, not only homeless,
penniless and without work, but also un
able to work.
It is now a well-settled fact, observes
the Atlanta Constitution, that during two
months of tho year—the crop-moving
season—the country needs more money
than during the remaining tun months.
A Cincinnati railway official rises to
remark that the time will come when
there will be but four or fivo railway sys
tems in this country. He says that even
now the Brice-Thomas syndicate controls
practically all the railroads south of the
Ohio River except the Louisvillo and
Nashville.
Baron Hirsch, Austrian millionaire,
and friend of the Prince of Wales, re
cently asked a stylish woman of rank to
sell one of her horses, because he hap
pened to have one exactly like it. She
declined rather curtly, whereupon the
Baron sent her his horse with the message:
"Although I am disappointed, I am still
desirous that they should go in a pair."
The Cherokco Strip is now practically
deserted, announces the St. Louis Stir
Sayingt, tho Government order to the
cattlemen having being obeyed very
geuerally. In a few months this beauti
ful country will be open to settlement:.
It is best described as possessing the
fertility and resources said to exist in
Oklahoma, but which the boomer found,
to his sorrow, existed not.
New York is soon to have a second
hospital in which the patients, the gov
erning and the medical staff arc to be
women. This, states the Chicago llcr-
Id, will be tho seventh hospital of this
kind in the United States in which not
even the gentlemun mouse mentioned by
the Iloman satirist will be allowed to
pick up the smallest trifle of the larder.
The others are in Philadelphia, Boston
Chicago, San Francisco and Minneapo
lis. What John Knox was pleased to
call "the monstrous regiment of woraea"
is moving on.
Japan now has on paper a complete
legal system, abreast of the times. The
remaining portions of the Civil Code
have been promulgated, and the Criminal
Cedes, which went into effect in 1882
have been revised. These latter take
effect at once, but the Civil Code does
not go into operation till January Ist,
1593. This appears to be a very simple
announcement; bat the significance of it
h tremendous, when we remember that
it is Japan, hardly a generation removed
from a policy of utter seclusion, shutting
out European civilization, which thus
comes to the front.
No matter how high the rank of a
Chinese official he seldom recovers from
his greed for presents. A Canton mau
darin is now bewailing this fact, for on
a recent visit of the Viceroy Li to his
province he presented that dignitary with
a pair of lions, cut in jade stone, of great
value. He imagined the Viceroy would
admire the work and then return it, but
what was his amazement when he re
ceived a gracious letter accepting his
gift. It seems he borrowed the jade
lions, and now he is negotiating witii tho
owner, who demands a small fortune for
the property. It will go hard with the
mandarin's subjects this winter, as it will
take many a "squeeze" of rich and poor
in the province to recoup his loss.
M. Freycinet, tne French War Minis
ter, has retired a lot of old Generals, and
a number of dashing young Colonels will
soon take their places. Tne oldest
General in France, and probably in the
world, is General Mauduit, who, ou the
7th of December next, will be 100 years
old. He has never asked to be retired
and he still figures among the officers o!
the reserve. He is very proud of his St.
Helena medal. Three other old fellows
also wear that medal—General Mellinet,
born in 1798, who commanded a division
of the Imperial Guard at Magenta;
General Kichard, born in 1795, and
General d'Authouard-Vraincourt, born in
1796. They entered the service in 1813.
But Mauduit's military career goes back
to 1807.
WINTER WEATHER. ,
When stems of elms may rise In row,
Dark-browu, from hillocks under snow,
And woods may reach as black as night,
By sloping fields of cleanest white:—
If shooters by the snowy rick
Where trees are light, and wood is thick,
Can mark the tracks the game may prick,
They Hke the winter weather.
Or where may spread the gray-blue sheet
Of Ice, for skaters' gliding feet,
That they uplift, from side to side,
Long yards, and sit them down to slide.
Of sliders, one that totters slack
Of limb; and one that's on his back;
And one upright that, keeps his track.
Have fun in winter weather.
When we at night, in snow and gloom,
May-rfeek some neighltor's lighted room;
Though snow may show no path before
The house, we still can find the door;
And there, ns round the brands may spread,
The creeping tire, of cheery red,
Our feet from snow, from wind our head
Are warm in winter weather.
Wherever day may give our road,
By hills or hollows over snowed.
By windy gapsor sheltered nooks,
Or bridged ice of frozen brooks,
Still may we all, as night may come,
Know where to And a peaceful home,
And glowing fire for fingers numb
With cold in winter weather.
William Barnes.
A wiMISE,
BY.T. D. MILMGAN.
"I have never regretted selling the
'Romance' to Willmr."
"Yet you had to give him a pretty
stiff figure to get her in your possession
again," replied little Dick Freeman.
"I admit it, but I had good reasons
for selling her. You see it was this
way, I owned the yacht live years, and
between summer and winter cruising
and getting ready for both during the
interim. I was so constantly employed
that 1 bad little or no time for society
duties.
"Just so!" said Dicky, shaking his
head and looking wise.
"Now lam very fond of ladies' so
ciety and have always stood a great deal
of bantering because of my penchi#it,
when heaven knows I was simply en
deavoring to make myself agreeable.
Again, I was taken to task for being
'wedded to iny yacht,'but that I couldn't
help, because, with the very best
intentions in life I would commence a
summer's cruise with firm resolutions to
put the yacht out of commission in the
fall, and set to work to win a wife by
the most sedulous application and in
dustry—"
"You're the only man Lever met who
had the courage to admit that looking
for a wife was hard work; you deserve a
medal," said Dicky admiringly.
"Yet I couldn't do it, fior something
or somebody was sure to turn up that
would compromise me, and the winter's
cruise had to be made; so I sold the
yacht to Wilbur."
"Well! what followed?"
"The natural consequence of being
invited to join him in a winter's cruise
among the West India Islands, and my
acceptance of that invitation."
"That was consistency with a ven
geance," said Jack.
"Think so? listen 1 As host I felt ob
liged to pay as much attention to one
guest as to another, but when I became
a guest that obligation censed."
"Ah! I see; you could exercise your
penchant for flirting with one lady with
out feeling that yoai had slighted an
other. Quite clever of you, very."
"Will you belay your interpolations
for a few moments! Where was 1? Oh!
I accepted Wilbur's invitation, and
agreed to meet liim at St. Augustine. 1
kept my promise, and in boarding the
yacht found Wilbur aud his bride (the
latter acting as chaperone), Lillie and
Violet Meserve, and Mr. Crayon, the
artist, who was engaged to Lillie Mes
erve.
"My traps were no sooner on board
than the anchor was aweigh, sails hoist
ted and the yacht's head pointed sea
ward. As I had always directed the
Romance's movements in and out of port
I felt chagrin at being a witness of Wil
bur's complacent yet dignified authority,
and heaved a pretty big sigh.
" 'That was a wicked sigh, Mr. Dean,'
said a low and musical voice beside me,
I turned to see who the speaker was, and
beheld .Miss Violet Meserve.
" 'Wasn't it? yet I have an excellent
reason for its atrociousness. I suppose
you know that 1 owned the "Romance"
only a few weeks ago.'
"The young lady nodded her head af
firmatively.
" 'Well! that sigh meant jealousy,
rank jealousy.'
" 'I knew intuitively that it was some
thing far, and away beyond an ordinary
sigh; of whom are you jealous—Mr.
Wilbur?'
"I nodded my head affirmatively."
" 'Poor fellow ! we must try and make
it up to you."
" 'Do pray! I like nothing betterthan
being patronized.'
"The young lady looked at me curi
ously as if to fathom my meaning; then
a mischievous gleam appeared in her eyes
as she said, 'There! 1 have unwittingly
displeased you, and yet I thought I was
saying something consoling. Surely—'
" 'One moment please. I really meant
what I said. I want to be patronized.'
"She laughed merrily autl unfeignedly
for a few seconds and then said 'l'm sure
you do. I was told to bewaro of you that
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JANUARY 23. 1891.
you were a dangerous man. I can well
believe it!' Then the witch looked archly
into my face and repeated her lust words,
'I can well believe it!'
"Now if that wasn't a challenge for a
flirting match, what was it? To tell tho
truth I was surprised into silence, for I
knew that Miss Violet Meserve was not a
flirt, she was too generous, too nice, too
gentle for any such work as that; besides,
she believed that I was nothing but a male
flirt, and intended to amuse myself with
her during the cruise. Forewarned is
forearmed was her raotte, yet it was too
bad that we should play at cross purposes.
"The silence was broken by one of the
crew forwnrd, singing a shanty, or song
used by sailors when a strong combined
pull is needed on a rope. The shanty
man had a marvellously clear bass voice,
and showed his cleverness in the quirks,
variations, and quavers in his rendition
of the simple music of his song.
" 'Listen! Miss Meserve,' I whispered;
'listen to that mau's shanty, low-voiced,
yet clear and sweet. They are hoisting
the foresail. Listen! 1
»'We'reoutward bound this very day,
Oood-by, faro you well, good-by, fare you
well.
We're outward bound this very day.
Hurrah! my boys, we're outward bound.'"
" 'Oh! Mr. Dean. Is that not grand!
and what a flexible voice tho singer has?
Do you know I have always had the idea
that a tine bass singer was ever a manly
man, loyal, true and brave?'
" 'There! There! Miss Meserve,' for
you, see, I had discerned another mis
chievous gleam iu her eyes—you know,
too that I huve a pretty good bass voice
—'There I give ip, let us declare a truce;
no more compliments, no more .'
" 'Flirting!' she said naively.
" 'Yes,' flirting, if you call our con
versation and actions so far n flirta
tion. Some one has given you a most
unjust account of me, or you wouldn't
have endeavored to fore-stall me so pre
omptorily. Now I want you to trust me,
to take me as you find me; to judge me
in fact by my conduct with you, not by
the misdirected opinion you have formed
of me. Is it a compact?'
" 'She put her little hand in mine,
and said, sweetly: 'Yes; we must be
friends, or ruther, not refuse your friend
ship, for the others are absoibed in each
other, and I have been quite lonely until
you came. Yes,' she said, and I noticed
tears iu her beautiful blue eyes, 'l'm sure
we shall be friends.' Then she left iny
side and went into the cabin. Thus it
was, Dicky, that I mot my wife."
"Is that all? no love-making—no de
scription of the lady—no propoc 1?"
"Oh! you want the whole it, do
you? You have met my * /fe? No?
Well, Violet is a trifle abov .he average
stature of women, withth' jblest figure
I ever saw. Her eyes ,< of a violet
color, full of spirit, ye' JCndcr and melt
ing, and fringed wifa long, coquettish
lashes. Her complexion is of exquisite
softness and purity, with a few flee kg of
freckles that add measurably to tlic
charm of her face, more beautiful than I
can describe; while her hair, of a dark
gold and naturally curly, outlines her
features admirably. Her mind is in har
mony with her beautiful exterior, and,
although nit posted in the 'isms, 'olo
gies and dognuis of the day, she is well
educated, and is a sensible wife, Just the
woman I've been looking for all these
years.
"We were naturally much together,
and in onr visits ashore at Ilavaua, St.
Thomas and elsewhere in tho West In
dies she proved a most entertaining trav
eler and the sweetest, nicest companion
man ever had. I fell head over ears in
love with her, but 1 couldn't see that I
had made the slightest impression on her
heart. At last we were homeward I
bound, making a long stretch from Trini- ]
dad to the mouth of the Mississippi.
Five days out wo were engaged. It hap
pened thus:
"A heavy squall struck the yacht
about ten o'clock in the evening. We
had been expecting it, so were in a man- j
ner prepared tor it. I had just left Vio
let standing by the main rigging over to
windward to get a light for my cigar,
when the yacht gave a sudden lurch that
sent the lee rnil under water, so furious
was the first gust of the squall. I had
been taken by surprise, but managed to ;
ktep my feet only to be caught by some- i
body who ran against me; both of us ;
went flying to the Ice rail, where we I
were brought up with heavy thumps, and
hearing mycompauion moan, I lifted her
up, caught her iu my arms and pressed |
her to my breast, 'Violet, dearest,' was I
all I could say.
" '.Tack, dearest,' was the response of |
my fair love, and then she fainted.
"The squall had spent its fury, though |
it had kicked up a pretty lively sea, but '
I managed to get Violet to the cabin,
where her sister and Mrs. Wilbur, to
gether with the maids, took care of her.
She had hurt her side and didn't leave
her room for three days. When she did
appear, looking so pale, yet so lovely
and winsome, 1 had great difficulty in re
strauing myself from taking her iu my
arms and kissing her.
"To my surprise she called me Mr.
Dean, and something occurring to vex
mo I showed more animus than my wont,
whereat Violet camo to me and said,
'Don't be angry with the steward. It
wasn't his fault.'
" 'My dear,' I replied, taking her
hand between mine, 'I aiu uof angry
with him, but with you.'
"She stared at me with her big blue
eyes for a moment, and said, 'With
me!' why—what have 1 done?'
" 'When the squall struck the yacht a
few nights ago, and you camo tumbling
into my arms—do you remember what
you said?'
'• 'Yes,' she answered, raising her
eyes and looking earnestly and yet coyly
into mine—'Yes, I remember.'
" 'Well, then, dearest, I object to the
formal Mr. Dean; you must call me Jack I
for you have known for weeks that I
love you; that night you told me plainly
you loved me, and—'
" 'Jack, dear, you may—'
" *Yes, love, I must kiss you—' and
that, Dicky, is all there is to tell of a
Winter's Cruise."— Yankee TihuU.
Slavonic Customs
It is customary in Pchsh villages to
strew straw over the Christmas Eve sup
per tables, and for the young people,
blindfolded or in the dark, to pick out
each a straw therefrom. Should the
straw bs green, the lucky maiden ex
l poets to wear a bridal wreath or the
I youth to lead i bride to the altar during
| the approaching year; but a dried straw
i foretells either long waiting, possibly
j even until death.
"In other rural Polish districts, on the
'Christ's Kve,' wine, beer and water are
placed by a girl between two candles on
a table. She then retires into a corner
or an adjoining room to watch the re
sult reflected in a mirror hung for this
purpose. If, as the clock strikes mid
night, a man enters and drinks the wine,
she is happy, for her wooer will be
rich. Should he drink the beer, she
may be eonten', for the wooer will be
•well-to-do.' if the water be chosen,
' her husband vt 'I be very poor. But if,
I as the clock s' fikes, no man comes to
j her table, the anxious maiden shivers
with more than midnight terror, believ
ing that she is doomed to be early the
bride of death.
"Poland is peculiarly rich in these ob
servances, spreading themselves through
out the year, both i •ixes being equally
superstitious in this *spect. On New
Year's Eve the young unmarried men
place themselves before a fire, and,bend
ing down,look beneath their legs. Should
a woman appeer in the back ground, it
is the one they will marry; but if they
sec a shape as of a coffin, it forbodes for
them death during tho year close at
hand."— Chamber* s Journal.
Bone drafting.
A. O. Miller, in the Lancet, reports the
history of a case in which he used de
calcified bone chij.s successfully to fill
up a large cavity in the head of the
tibia. A piece of the rib of an ox was
used, being first scraped and then de
calcified in a weak solution of hydro
chloric acid. After cleansing, by pres
sure, it was placed for forty-eight hours
in carbolic acid solution, one to twenty,
then removed, aud cut into small pieces.
During the scraping out of the cavity in
the knee, preparatory to the grafting, a
number of small pieces of bone were re
moved. These were placed in a solu
tion of boric acid for use later in the
operation. Tho cavity was then stuffed
with tho decalcified bone shavings, the
pieces of fresh bone being added last.
The cavity thus filled was about two
inches in diameter. Granulation ami
healing took place rapidly; the only
pieces of bone that became necrosed were
from th-3 patient's own body. The author
is convinced, from his observation of
this case, that the healing of large bone
cavities, the result of injury or disease,
is greatly facilitated by stuffing them
with deealcified-bone chips, that these
are superior to fresh bone, and that
fresh bone not only is of no use, but
actually hinders the process of granula
tion.
An Ocean Para«li»?.
The Island of Hogolen, in the Poly
nesia, is an immense coral atoll, 130
miles iu circumference, having four en
trance passages. On tho reef and with
in it are seventy islands, four of which,
near the middle, are high basaltic masses
about thirty miles each in circumference,
magnificently fertile, yielding spontan
eously many valuable products, situ
ated in the midst of n rockbound lake
ninety miles long by half that width.
This unknown ocean paradise has been
for ages an arena of combat between two
hostile races, one copper colored, inhab
iting the two western of the great inte
rior isles, the other upon the two easteru,
a darker people with long, straight hair.
The two tribes aro supposed to number
over 20,000. — Asiatic Quarterly lie view.
A Fence of Swords.
A man at Small Point is to have a fence
next summer that would please Rider
Haggard, though it will not be made of
elephants' tusks but of the swords of
sword fish. Tho man, Mr. Sylvanus
Wallace, of the Life Saving Station, has
enough of these swords, gathered during
his fishing voyages, to build a picket
feuce forty feet in length.— Jiath (Me.)
Timet.
Cats Willi 11 iiman Ways.
An English writer tells of two cats
which advanced daily Irom opposite ends
of a long and lofty wall, aud, meeting in
the middle, fought with great fury until
one or both were precipitated to the
ground below, upon which the fight
ceased immediately, the combatants re
mounting the wall and basking peace
fully side by side in tho sunshine.—
Motion Globe.
An inmate of the Georgia State Hos
pital tor the Insane imagines he is a
grain of corn, and will not go into the
yard for fear the chickens will eat kiin.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; 51.50 after Three Months.
Zalnland and Cetewayo.
Zululand is situated on the eastern
«oast of Africa, north of Natal. Its
fcrea is about 10,000 square miles, and
its population before the war with Eng
land, in 1879, was about 250,000. This
war, which brought the Zulus and their
king, Cetewayo, into prominent notice,
was forced upon them by the representa
tives of the British Government in Natal,
who had 1 jng been anxious to annex the
country. In order to have some pre
tense for a forcible occupation of the
land, Sir Bartle Frere demanded of
Cetewayo that largo lines in cattle should
be paid for offenses of the Zulus on the
border; that he should disband his
army, and not attempt to form it again;
and that he should allow a British officer
to live in Zululand and assist him in ad
ministering the government. This,
naturally, brought about the desired
war.
At first the Zulu army, which num
bered about 42,000 men, was successful
in every battle, and had Cetewayo de
sired to push his advantage after the
battle at Isandlwana he could have
crossed the border and completely anni
hilated the English; but from the first
he insisted that he was lighting ou the
defensive only, and his soldiers were
under strict orders not togo over into
Natal to tight. The final battle in the
war was fought on July 4, 1879, result
ing in a total defeat of tho Zulu army,
and on August 13 Cetewayo was taken to
Cape Town as a prisoner. Subsequently
he was taken to England, but in Decem
ber, 1882, he was reinstated King of
Zlihiland, to rule it as a vassal of Eng
land. In 1888 he was wounded in a
battle with one of the subordinate chiefs,
who had been left in possession of a
large tract of country at the north, and
died at Natal in March, 1884. It was
in the Zulu war that the young Prince
Imperial of France was killed, he having
joined the English army in search of
renown.— Brooklyn Citizen.
Blue Jackets Are Mostly Americans.
"There is a general impression that
our naval service is full of foreigners,"
r.aid Lieutenant Simonsou to me. The
lieutenant was formerly in the navy, but
is now engaged in private enterprises,
lie continued: "I often hear gentlemen
say with great assurance that our navy
is recruited largely from natives of Nor
way and Sweden, who n-e good sailors.
This is only true in so far as it imputes
sailorlike qualities to the Scandinavian
race. The facts are that about one-half
the men in the naval service of the Unite 1
States are native bornJ ,|r^> ricans. I was
at the navy yard in Britanwyu when the
Maine was launched, and rau over the
roster of her men. She has a total of
477, not counting officers. Of these 198
were native Americans. The next high
est nationality was Irish, 89; thin the
Scandinavians, 73; and after that I did
not explore any further. I have no doubt
but the men ou the Maine are a fair ex
ample of the entire navy. Nearly all of
the sailors are naturalized Americans,
whether born in France, r —any or
Great Britain."— New York
Petroleum as Hair Persuader.
Not a suspicion of hair remained on
the cranium of a Pennsylvania engineer.
He had he»,-d of petroleum as a hair
restorer, as he ran into the oil re
gions, daily, to try it. Procur
ing a felt sku. -cap he lined it with cotton
waste fromthccab and continually kept
it moist with th* crude oil. His dutie
occupicd his attention anil he soon be
came accustomed to the odor. In a few
weeks he was surprised by a silky down
which made his head feel soft to the
touch, and in a few months astonished
his friends with a beautiful crop of short
curly hair.
Being almost bald myself last May,
writes one who subscribes himself a
"Experience," and rapidly losing what
hair was left I began to use kerosene.
Every time my hair lost its gloss 1 would
again rub a half-thimbleful on the scalp,
and soon it ceased to fall. After si.\
weeks of kerosene I changed to vaseline,
not, however, before short, fine hair had
appeared. lam still oiling my poll witu
this odorless by-product of the crude oil,
and still does the covering continue t
thicken and refuse to fall. To bare tin
head to sun and wind is also unobjectiou
able.— Ncio York Tribune.
Manufacturing Bass Voices.
Luigi Cherubini, the creator of"The
Water-Carrier," was rather eccentric.
One winter afternoon, a caller on Cheru
bim was surprised to find him in an un
heated room in compauy with three full
bearded men, who had their feet in tub
of ice water. "In the name of heaven,
what are you doing?" aaked his friend
"To-morrow we shall give a new mas?,'
answered Cherubini, "and I need
couple of very heavy bassos. None o.
the men here has a voice heavy enoug\
and so I am trying to deepen their note
a little."— Argonaut.
Sonth Carolina's Kedltones.
There is a singular race of people in
South Carolina called the Redboncs.
Their origin is unknown. They resem
ble in apjiearance the gypsies, but in
complexion they are red. They have ac
cumulated considerable property and are
industrious and peaceoble. They live in
small settlements at the foot of the
mountains and associate with none hu<
their own race. When the Civil War
broke out several of them enlisted in the
Hampton Legion, and when the legion
reached Virginia were taken for colored
men.— New York Ditpatch.
NO. 15.
THE RACE.
To live Is but to nobly strive-
To strive against the savage earth,
Against the tireless days that drive
Men deathward from their hours of birth.
Hope, love and prayer —these tilings arc real.
More swoet and precious than tva know;
Yet, like star-glimpses, they reveal
The sombre skies above, below.
And what if somi cry: God, forbear!
And others still: Why live at all?
Life moves through triumph or despair
To its Creator's deathless call.
Though one man falters on his way,
And one stands railing to the end,
There is no hand nor will to stay
That purpose which is foe or friend.
That purpose which exalts a soul,
Even while it robs a soul of grace,
Which sinks the atom in the whole,
The individual in the race.
—Geo. E. Montgomery,in the Cosmopolitan.
HUMOK OF THE DAY.
"Brings down the house''—.V Western
cyclone.
The man who is "waiting for some
thing to f urn up," might turn up his
sleeves and goto work.— Puck.
If the lungs contain cells,
is a contemporary informs us, why not
use them for a penitentiary?— West
Shore.
"I understand, Pat, that you have a
big family dependent upon you?" "Vis,
sor, tin childers, siven pigs and the old
'oman."
"Terrapin," says a writer "is an ac
quired taste." So it is. A taste of ter
rapin is among the most difficult things
to acquire known.— Washington Tost.
The slnng that from her lips foil pat,
Oft made her English hazy; *
She once was heard to murmur, "that
Chrysanthenc urn's a daisy."
Wushin'ft oil I'ost.
Crawford—"Time is i.. you
know." Merntt—"And yet 1 would
sooner have a girl who has forty millions
than one who has forty years."— C/iic ig j
Light.
"Doesn't that man look sheepish?"
asked Mrs. Keedick. "Yes, hut per
haps he has had the wool pulled over his
eyes," replied Keedick.— Chicago hxter-
Ocean.
Watts—"Potts shaves here sometimes,
doesn't he?" Batbelf—"Yes; Mr. Potts
is oua of my regular clients." Potts—
"Clients! Don't you meau patients?"—
Indianapolis Journal.
Brown—"Feuderson is a very enter
taining fellow; don't you think so?"
Fogg—"Yes, but the deuce of it is you
can't begin to laugh until after he has
_;one." — lionton Transcript.
Some wag recently started the story
that Mrs. Stanley is about to write a
book entitled "ILow 1 Pound Stanley,"
and she is receiving letters from people
who think it is true.— Ncio York Tribune.
Ilis Fiancee—"Are you sure you
would love me just os tenderly if our
conditions were reversed—if you were
rich and I were poor?" He—"Reverse
our conditions and try me."— Brooklyn
Life.
"What is the name of the other vaga
bond who was with you?" asked the
magistrate. "Jimmy the Calico." "How
did he ever gt* a name like that?" "Be
cause he won't wash."— Philadelphia
Times.
"Look here! Y"ou just jabbed me in
the eye with your umbrella." "Too bad.
Here's iny father's card. He's an eye
doctor, and if you'll use my name he'll
give you bottom rates."— Philadelphia
Record.
Johnny—"Mr. Hankin3on, ain't you
shaped just like other men?" Mr. Han.
kinson—"lsuppose so, Johnny; why?'
"Papa says you ain't exactly square, and
Irene says you seem to be always round."
Chicago Tribune.
Dealer—"l am sure, madamc, you
could look the city through and not find
a handsomer carriage than this." Mrs.
D'Avnoo—"Oh, it's handsome enough,
but it looks too comfortable to be styl
ish."—New York Weekly.
"I am going to be indiscreet, Miss
Chicago." "Oh, you can't be with me,
Sir. Boston." "No? Well, I was just
going to say how elegantly that big
diamond ring docs harmonize with your
hat)ls."— Philadelphia Times.
Mrs. Bingo—"Clara has been shopping
all day. Oh, here is the delivery wagon
with some of the things she has or
dered." Bingo—"But where is Clara?"
Mrs. Bingo—"She is probably waiting
for the change."—JVete York Sun.
The only thing that mars the dandy's
peace of mind is the fact that he isn't
imported, like everything he uses.
Meanwhile, from his lofty place in the
menagerie, the imported monkey looks
down on him, and marvels.— J'ue'.-.
"Do you find enough to keep you
busy these days?" "You bet. I'm put
ting in a bigger day's work these days
than I ever did before." "Why, I
thought you'd given up your job."
"So I did. I'm looking for another."
—iiuffalo Express.
Jack—"Why are you looking so sad?"
Tom—"l saw Maud throwing sly
glances at Harry to-night." Jack—
"Cheer up. It was doubtless for you
she meant them, though Harry got them.
Women can never throw straight you
know. " —Harper* Batar.
New York boasts of the publication
of 2706 distinct newspapers aud periodi
cals.