SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W. M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
Twelve members of the United States
Senate are natives of New York.
An expert says the Florida phosphates,
though immense in extent, arc disap
pointing as to richness, and the propor
tion of high grades is exceedingly small.
The Nevada towns are exceptions to
the rule of increase in the population of
the Western municipal communities.
They generally show a decrease since
1880 - *
The State Geologist of New Jersey
says the coast of the State is sinking at
the rate of at least two feet in a century.
Other observers hold that the rate is much
more rapid.
Secretary Proctor is in favor of the
Government employing twenty acting
chaplains to assist the thirty post chap
lains now in the United States army.
They should be paid, he thinks, SISOO a
year.
A charming story is told by a reviewer
in the Scot* Observer to illustrate Darwin's
freedom from scientific bigotry. Having
been told that music had an influence cu
plants, he procured somebody to play a
bassoon for several days close to some
growing beans.
In the estimation of the Times-Demo
crat "Connecticut is a thrifty State..The
receipts of taxes over the estimates f<jr
1800 were $365,000, which has enabled
the Treasurer to redeem §>200,000 in
bonds and still have a surplus of $30,732.
Next year the State tax is to be dispensed
with."
Regularly every six mouths, it is said,
the Treasury Department at "Washington
receives either a s2o'or asso bill which,
from all appearances, instead of being
made from a plate, is executed entirely
with a pen. The work is of a very high
order, and several times these have ex
caped detection and gone into circulation.
The counterfeiter has not yet been dis
covered. He seems to work for notoriety,
as he could not make a 'living in this
manner.
"Every traveler has noticed," observes
the St. Louis Star-Sayings , "that rail
roads get rid of their old, discarded ties
by burning them up. The ordinary
practice is to place them in piles as near
the rails as possible and then set fire to
them, to the great annoyance and dis
comfort of passengers. At the same time
there are thousands of families on the
liue of the road who would be glad tc
take these tics away and use them for
fuel."
Congress has passed an act for the j
preservation of the big trees of Tulare i
County, California, which are regarded |
by the tourists as among the greatest ;
curiosities of that wonderful region. Of
late tliey have been iu danger of de- :
structiou by tho insatiate lumber men, j
and the act was tho result of represen- j
tatious to Congress that they would soon ;
disappear unless measures were taken to
restrain the busy woodman and his ax.
The bill provides for the conversion of
the region containing tho famous trees
into a public park, to be under the care
and protection of the Government".
1 "T
Professor Shalcr, the eminent geolo
gist and magazine writer, notes it as an
extraordinary fact that while the New
World has contributed to civilization a
long list of valuable plants, cereals,fruits
and vegetables, it has made only one ad
dition to the animals in domestication,
and that is the turkey. That was a
contribution worth a thanksgiving, how
ever, and now there is a prospect that it
may be reinforced by another American
product, tho prairie chicken. Numbers
of these have been introduced in the
meadows about Bradeuburg, Germany,
I and their propagation is believed to be
practicable.
The English Industries states that a
novel iudustry, resting strictly on chemi
cal principles and needing nothing but a
little capital and a da.-jlr of dishonesty to
develop it, is said to be praptie'ed in
Florida. It consists in avoiding depend
ence upon the slow and imperfect ripen
ing of lemons by the sun's rays, b£ pick
ing tho fruit while green and exposing it
to the fumes of burning sulphur, where
by its color is changed to a rich' golden
yellow, infinitely more attractive than
the natural hue. "It is true that the
interior of the lemon is practically free
from juice, a fact which the hypercriti
cal might reckou a slight drawback,
but ibis is, after all, a trivial matter,
affectiug only the consumer," is the salvo
applied to the conscience.
AN AUTUMN MORNING.
Chore are crimson clouds and feathery
forms ;
In upper air.
Hod bright shapes tinged with varying huos
Stretched everywhere.
some seem to swell and then unfold,
Like blossoms rare,
S"rom out dim space, and then, like dew,
Dissolve in air.
Jelow them rise up weightier clouds
And misty banks,
ind here and there tall specters riso
In serried ranks,
Although the p!:y is az-ire-huc'i
Above them all; <
prhile on our heads a bouudless wealth
Of sunbeams fall.
Was ever sky more b?autifnl,
Or breath more sweetf
Dr greener boughs, or softer mat
Beneath our foot?
tVe thank Thee, Kathor, for the oartli,
So beautiful;
j IVe thank Thee for Thy gifts to us.
So bountiful;
For bud and bloom, for ripening fruit;
Kaeh benison
Cs fair to see. Lord, bring our hearts
In unison
With Thy dear self. May this now day
Be spent aright.
*Vnd every busy day that gli Je3
Into the night,
Until their dawns for us are o'er,
And we at last
Into yon haven moor our bark,
All tempests past.
—Vick's Magazine.
JULIET. THE ORPHAN.
BY AMY RANDOLPH.
"Well, Juliet, -what nrc you calculat
j ing to do?" said Mrs. Murdrignt.
"It's time to make up your mind about
something, you know," briskly observed
Miss Juniata Jessup.
Juliet May lifted her heavy hea<l, and
looked at them with a vague surprise.
"Do?" she repeated. "What's there
to do? 1 don't know what you all
mean."
She was a dark, Inrgc-cycd girl with
cheeks as pale as a calla-leaf, a Spanish
luxuriance of jet-black hair and a slight
figure, which seemed to be bound by the
weight of her deep mourning. Mrs.
Murdright was a tall, masculine woman,
with Iron-gray hair and a square chin.
Miss Jessup wore spectacles and moved
around in an active, jerky way, like an
extra-large-sized canary bird.
"Its a week to-morrow since your pa
was buried," added Mrs. Murdright.
Juliet winced.
"Yes," she said; "I know it. Oh,
papa! papal"
"There, there," said Miss Jessup, as
the young orphan hid her face in her
hands, "don't give way. It's unchris
tian, and it's uncomfortable, too!"
"And it's high time," steadily ob
served Mrs. Murdright, "that you looked
matters In the face, Juliet May. You've
got your living to earn, and—"
"But I thought I was to live with
you,", said poor Juliet, who was as ig
norant in (he ways of the world as a six
month-old infant. You arc my moth
er's sister, Aunt Murdright, and—"
"That is hardly a reason why I should
undertake to support every relative I
have got in the world," said Mrs. Murd
right, sourly. You aren't a child,
Juliet. You was eighteen last month,
and there's many a girl of your age earns
her own living and lays up a handsome
sum besides. And it's close on the first
of June, and I need every room I have
to let to summer boarders."
"And there is no reason," supple
mented Mi.<s Juniata, skillfully seizing
the opportunity to strike it when Mrs.
Murdright paused for lack of breath,
"why you should sit with folded hands
while your cousin Artemisia works in
the skirt-fac tory, and Louisa Lacy goes out
to tailoring."
Juliet sat ofle to the oth
er, while her heart seemed to stand still
within her. At the Grange sho had al
ways lived in luxury. She had been the
darling and idolized child of a doting
father. She had never paused to con
sider the question of mere money. All
good andlovely things seemed to assem
ble around her by magic. Every one
hnd spoken tenderly to hor; and now—
and now—"
"Whr.t am I io do, Aunt Murdright?"
nhc fake red. "Is all my money spent?"
"Your money!" hysterically eclioed
Miss Jessup. "Poor child! You hain't
go*, none. It's all gone in rash specula
tions nnd mad inventions."
"Juniata speaks only the truth," said
Mrs. Murdright, stiffly, as Juliet's eyes
sought hers, as if to ask corroboration of
the little old maid's unfeeling words.
"You're as good as a beggar, and you
must begin to consider in serious earnest
what you arc to do for your bread. I
can't undertake to support you."
Juliet put her little cold hand in a
pathetically pioading way on Sirs.
.Murdright's.
"Aunt," said she, "couldn't I stay
here? Couldn't I,ma' J myself useful to
you?"
Sirs. Murdright shrugged her shoul
ders.
"I'm very sorry," said she, "but I
don't require any one to play the piano,
and sit around the house in picturesque
positions, and be waited on. You haven't
been brought up as my girls aie, Juliet
May 1"/
Juliet recoiled as if a serpent had stung
her; she turned to Miss Jeßtup.
"Ciusiu Juniata," she said, "you, too,
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 1890.
are Vuy relative. Aid me! Adviso met
You have age and experience—-I am like
a lost child in this great, cruel, grinding
worifi 3"
Verily Juliet May was but a novice in
all conventional wisdom, or she n«vcr
would have alluded so unguardedly to
the ago and experience of the sprightly
spinster. Miss Jessup bridled.
"I really don't know that I have any
thing to say," said she. "As Mrs. Murd
right remarks, people must expect to
work in thi3 world!"
But Miss Jessup studiously banished
from her fact that, when
she had first set up dressmaking for her
self, Squire May had generously lent her
money for her lease, 'furniture, stock and
fixtures. He had never claimeel a cent
of interest; he hadinever so-much as
hintod at the repayment of his .loan, and
she had been equally, silent. And it is
to be presumed that she'had quite for
gotten the whole circumstance, when she
adeled, with some little vindictiveucss:
"And, to my mind, it would have been
a deal wiser if your'papa, had looked a
little more closely totyour moncy instead
of lending it to ne'er-do-wells like
Chauncey Grahanutoisquander!"
"Cousin Chauncey wastalways good
and kind 1" cried Juliet, coloring up.
"lie would have paid papa, if he could!
Audit is mean and dishonorable of you
to say such things astthesc, Juniata Jes
sup !"
"Hoity-toity!" criedJ Miss Jessup.
"Mean! Dishonorable! Well, if he ain't
both, let him putin an (appearance and
say what he has done'witli. that money!"
As Sir. Graham was at t that moment
supposed to be in Australia, engaged in
the management of a nrimmoth sheep
farm, this was perhaps»a rather unreason
able demand. But, to« Miss Jessup's in
finite amazement, affd, perhaps, to her
discomfiture as well, thoVtront door-was
pushed open at that juncture, and a
bronzed, bearded apparition, in alsuit of
some foreign style aud in.
"la this Mrs. Moses Murdright's
house?" said he. "Can-„any one(tell me
if Miss Juliet Ma}':is hcncJf
Mrs. Murdright.stared,. Miss Jessup
seemed equally amazed; but,vw.itha cry,
Juliet Slay sprang to her feet..
"Chauncey!" ahcicried. "It is my
cousin Chauncey!"
"I am Chauncey'Graham," teaid the
young man. 'I only arrived injthe port
of New York last evening. Ittnll secuis
so strange to me to.hear that my cousin,
Squire May, is dead—thaUJ.uliVi is with
out a home!"
He stood in surprise,.scarcely able to
recognize in this tall Anrtalusri an - faced
girl, the chubby-checked, little play
fellow of former years. But»wlien she
flung herself so confidingly/intolhis arms,
ho held her with a tender • and #chivalric
embrace.
"Oh, Chauncey, I am,so gladHhat.you
have come," she sobbed. "Oh, I was
so lonely aud forsaken! No one has
seemed to care forme, siuee'papaulied—
no one offered me a home!"
"I will," said Chauncoy, quietly.
"There, there, little one, .don't'fret. It
is all smooth sailing now. The money
which your father lent me has borne
fruit, seventy times seven,.and'it is yours
new I"
Sirs. Murdright here recovered .herself
so far as to extend a fish-like hand to Mr.
Graham; Miss Jessup pressed\eagerly for
ward.
"My dear Juliet," she said, with a lit-1
tie acidity, "you arc such a mere baby!
Don't you see that your cousin isn't at',
all the proper person to take chargo of ;
you?"
"Why not?" said Chauncoy Graham.
"It seems to me that I am the very one.
Aud my mother is in New York wait
ing to extend a mother's tender care to
Juliet."
"At all events, my dear," said Miss
Jessup, "don't cling to your cousin as if
he were a floating spar and you a drown
ing mariner I Do sit down! Dear
Cousin Chauncey," with u smile which
displayed every one of her false teeth to
the very best advantage, "this is such an
agreeable surprise. We have thought
and talked of you so much!"
While Mrs. Murdright hastened to pre
pare what sho called "a little refresh
ment" for this relative who seemeel so
much nearer and elearer since ho had
come back home with plenty of mouey.
"I wish, now," she muttered, "that
we hadn't been quite so sharp with
Juliet. She was a silly child, no doubt,
but if she is going to be rich again—lili?
What?" to her niece who now presented
herself with a crape-vailed hat and ink
black draperies folded across her slender
shoulders. "You're not going away so
soon, Juliet, tny darling?"
"Chauncey says that his mother ex
pects us by the very next train," said
Juliet, upon whose pale cheek a new
color hail kindled. "Aud we have no
time to lose!"
"And," simpered Miss Jessup, who
was hurriedly donning an extremely
youthful Gainsborough hat with rosebuds
and daisies wreathed around its brim, "I
have volunteered to accompany dear
Juliet. Really, I have grown too fond of
her to allow her to slip away from me
like this!"
Mrs. Murdright made a grimace.
"The scheming old cat," she thought.'
"She actually thinks she is going to lure
Chauncey Graham into marriage. Well,
I never did see such idiotic folly I"
But she said nothing ef this as she
kissed Juliet good-bye with an effusive
ness which surprised the young girl.
"Farewell, my darling," she said, al
most tragically. "And remember that if
ever you need a home, my heart and
hearth are equally open to you."
"Why didn't she say so before?"
Juliet asked herself, vaguely amazed at
what seemed to her such a surprising in
consistency. "Why did she talk so dis
gracefully about my being a burden, and
earning my own living? And why is
Juniata Jessup coming back with us,
without ever being invited?"
Poor little Juliet! She had yet much
to learn of the ins and outs of this world!
Miss Jessup's stay in New York, how
ever, was not prolonged. She came
back tho next day, very ill satisfied
with' her journey.
"Things are quite changed since I was
a girl." said she. "There's Juliet en
gaged to Chauucey Graham already—or
as good as engaged— a mere chit like
that, with no knowledge nor experience
of society! And Mrs. Graham taking
on airs like the queen, and telling me,
up and down, that she didn't care for
my co'npany! Me! Iler own cousin
twico removed! And Juliet parting
from me like a clam, never even kissing
me nor telling mo she hoped to see me
again!"
"Humph!" said Mrs. Murdright.
"That's generally the way rich people
behave. But I almost wish, Juniata, wo
hadn't been quite so short with the
child!"
"Yes," said Miss Juniata; "but who
was to suppose that she was to be an
heiress, after all?"— The Ledger.
Wears His Girl's Hair.
A young man of many good points,
but with none on his head, was for five
years, writes Clara Belle, a victim to the
promises of tho tonsorial artist, who
guaranteed to bring out hair on his shiny
pate, but Who did not keep his word.
Some men confide their love affairs to the
tailors, others to their doctors, and still
others to the men that mix their cock
tails. Tliis young man, upon losing his
heart to a sweet and promising maiden,
confided his passion to the barber. That
worthy sympathized with him deeply,
aud redoubled his exertions to lure tlio
downy fringe upon the head of Romeo,
but without effect. Finally both the bar
ber and the lover lost hope together, and
it was then that the young man made a
trembling proposition.
"Louise does not like a bald head,"
said he, "although, of course, mine is
not unpleasant to her. Nevertheless, she
prefers to have it covered, and so we have
reached n conclusion. I always said, you
know, that I would never wear a toupee;
but Louise has placed the matter in such
a light that I have acceded to her desires
and will have one made. Louise's hair
is just tho color of the fringe over my
ears, you sec, and it hangs away down
below her waist. She is going to sacri
fice enough of it to make me a toupee,
and then, by Jove! I shall be wearing
the same hair that my girl does. Louise
was awfully tender about suggesting the
thing. Sweet of her, wasn't it? Oh, I
tell you, there is nothing so beautiful in
life as a good girl when she is in love."
Romeo now appears in public adorned
by a fine head of handsome chestnut
hair.
Chaplains of the Navy.
When a chaplain receives his commis
sion from the Government he begins a
career which, with ordinary prudence and
good conduct, will terminate only when
age has made him grizzled and gray. In
the navy he ranks as a lieutenant, and
for the first five years of his service he is
paid SISOO per annum while on shore,
SIBOO a year when he is preaching at sea,
and SI2OO a year if some complaisant
Secretary of tho Navy will give him a
leave of absence or let him roam around
the country in that delightful condition
which is kuown to ofHcers of both the
army and navy as "waiting orders."
The last report of the Navy Depart
ment shows that out of the twenty-four
chaplains six were iu that delightful con
dition of "waitiug orders," and had been
for several months past, aud of the others,
two fortunate ones were practically iu tho
same situation, for they had been granted
a leave of abseuce by the department,
and had hied themselves away to foreign
shores. The luckiest man among those
who are 4 'waiting orders" is Dominie
William H. Stewart, who by the way,
ranks as a captain iu the navy and draws
a salary of $4500 a year when at sea, and
$3500 on shore duty, aud S2BOO while
"waiting orders."— New York News.
What Dynamite Can Do.
Shooting a candle through a two-inch
solid plank without disturbing it in the
least is being done by dynamite, which
is so quick in its action that a tender
green leaf can bo compressed into the
hardest steel before it has time to flatten.
One of tl*c experiments of the United
States torpedo works was to place some
leaves between two heavy, flat pieces of
iron, set them on a firm foundation and
see what gun-cotton would do in forcing
the iron pieces together. The reaction
was so great from just being exploided in
the open air that ono of tho iron pieces
was driven down upon the other quick
enough to catch an exact, and complete
impression of the leaves before they could
escape. It is also a singular fact thai
the gun-cotton itself should sink deej
'into the iron when it explodes, showing
tho points of the letters stamped into the
cartridges. This novel method of en
graving by gunpowder is one of the
wonders of this century. Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
A Congressman always feels envious ol
a mosquito when he sees how easily he
introduces a bill.— Statcsm
Terms—#l.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
The Falls of Niagara carry down 10,-
500,000 cubic feet per minute, equal to
ibout 3,000,000 horse-power.
A Swede has invented a steam raft for
j the transportation of horses and cattle
! which travels at the rate of fifteen knots
I in hour.
Physicians claim that they have ob
seived less hay fever, which is a kindred
disease to the grippe, this year than
sver befoie.
• The mechanical appliances for hand
ling the monster guns aboard English
battle ships have lately developed most
ominous defects.
An enormous flow of natural gas was
struck recently at Summerland, three
miles from Santa Barbara, Cal. Tho
flow is estimated at three million feet per
day.
The experiment of tanning leather
with palmetto roots has been successfully
tried at Apalachicola, Fla. The leather
was as soft antl jiliable as the finest calf
skin.
The copper mines of the whole world
are being taxed to their utmost to supply
tho demand for copper wire and the
other apparatus used in the application of
electricity.
It has been suggested that tho phono
graph shall be uscel as a cash register.
Every sum the cashier receives might be
calleel in the phonograph aud there re
corded, as u cheek on the accounts.
Apiarists maintain that bees do not in
jure growing or fair fruit. The juice of
the sound fruit is inimical to their wel
fare; but though they will not attack
sound fruit, they settle upon bruised and
bljfcnished fruit.
Experience has shown that an electric
street car can be comfortably heated by
the expenditure of one horse power of
electrical energy. The electrical heaters
do not reduce the seating capacity of the
car, which is kept clear of coal dust nnd
cinders.
A potent was issued in Washington re
cently for a steel fence post. It is to be
made of steel tubing, seven feet high,
with a neat cap and with bands to hold
the barbed wire. It is said that these
posts can be furnished complete fot
placing in position at twenty-four cents
each.
Experiments have been made at Havre,
France, with a luminous buoy, the in
vention of M. Dibos. The buoy emits
the light, which is produced by phos
phide of calcium, on reaching the water,
and as it is veiy powerful, the sea is illu
minated for a considerable distance
around. Spectators in the lighthouses at
Havre saw the glare distinctly at a dis
tance of five miles.
Perhaps iu no branch of industry have
the benefits of electric welding been real
ized to a greater extent than in the weld
ing of pipes for artificial ice machines,
sugar refineries and general refrigerating
purposes. In the old system fifteen min
utes was required for each weld, which
entailed the work of two blacksmiths am)
a dozen helpers, and frequently a serious
loss of ammonia from imperfect tvelding.
Now the weld is made in two minutes bj
a man and a boy, and costs two cents in
stead of fifteen, as formerly.
A fireman's electric hand lamp is being
introduced in England. Tho battery
and lamp arc contained in a copper case,
similar to a fireman's ordinary lamp, ana
fitted with a handlo for convenience it
carrying. Very powerful parabolic re
flectors are provided, aud the lamp,
which has a duration of from two to three
hours, after which it can be easily re
charged, forms an important adjunct to
the outfit of a fire brigade. The lamp is
also suitable tor use in mines, gas works,
gunpowder and chemical factories. The
advantages claimed for it are portability,
facility in charging, capability of resting
tho battery when the light is not re
quired, and extreme safety.
The Mysterious "Sixth Sense."
» Dr. 11. J. Bertrand, of Antwerp, has
recorded the results of experiments which
seem to leave it doubtful if the bat is the
only possessor of the mysterious "sixth
sense," manifested in the faculty of dodg
ing obstacles without the aid of vision.
Blind birds, lizards and several species of
rodents appear to be endowed with n
similar gift, which to some degree is
shared by blind, and even by blindfolded
men. A person groping his way in a
dark cellar may be unable to distinguish
a black patch on a white cloth held up at
a distance of two feet from his eyes, but
somehow or other will manage to avoid
collision with pillars aud projecting
shelves, even without the assistance of
his hands. Just before bumping his head
against a wall a "pressure of air," as
some of the experimenters described it,
somehow betrays the perilous proximity
of a solid obstacle.— Dr. Oswald.
To Prevent Droughts.
Dr. Felix L. Oswald asserts in the
Voice, that the substitution of pcrcunia!
for annual food plants would have the
incidental advantage of preventing the
ruin of crops by summer droughts.
Forest trees, especially such leaf trees as
oaks and elms, undoubtedly help to
equalize the humidity of the atmosphere,
i. e., to prevent droughts as well as
winter floods. Large plantations of
fruit trees would have a similar effect,
while cereals or extensive vineyards seem
to have no more influence on the annual
rainfall than the dusty sage-shrubs of oui
western prairies.
The Great American Dessert-s-Pie.
NO. 4.
A SONG FOR THE PRINTING PRESS.
A Song for the Press; the Printing Press,
That has ruled the world alone.
Since the finger of Ood first gavo His laws
On tho tablet of senseless stone;
Since a spark of His wisdom down sent—
Woke the slumbering thonuht to birth,
And the Press, as a meteor, flashed thro' tho
gloom,
Tho darkness that lowered o'er earth.
A Song for the Press; more potent far,
Than the fiat of crowned king,
Than the cohorts of war—than the steel-clad
men—
Than the mightiest can bring.
Kingdoms, and tower and palace wall-
That have braved a century's might,
Crumble in ruin, and totter—fall.
When the Press wakes the giant might.
A Song for the Press; a lever long sought,
The world to sway in times olden,
To check tho power of oppression's hand,
Break the rule of tho scepter golden.
Pierce the gloom of tho dungeon, the cap
tive free.
Rive oak door an l iron rod.
And sent broadcast o'er a sin-bound world.
The words of tho living Ood.
A Song for tho Press; the angel that lines
In light on its record page.
Each glorious thought and each noble deed-
Each act of a passing age;
The historian's pen, and tho poet's wand-
Each triumph, each God-born rhyme
Is recorded there, and forever lives.
Defying the touch of time.
A Song for the Press; like tho armed men
That rushed o'er Rome's ivied wall,
When Liberty, swayed and trampled in
(lust,
Ca>sar's pride and judgment hall;
So its step awakes tho downtrod one,
'Mid his traldom, his fear and doom.
And thunders in wrath round tho ci-o-.vnod
king,
Foretelling of death and of doom.
A Song for the Press; the East-born star
Of religion—of liberty—power—
Untrammeled by wealth—by passion un
swayed ;
'Tis tho index—the scribe of each hour,
And still shall remain—still the planter
typo
Shall "click," and all nutions bless,
And tho last star from earth that ever fades
out.
Be tho God-model'd Printing Press.
William H. Ilushnell.
ni'MOR OF THE DAY.
People who arc gfven to laying up
grudges seldom accumulate much else.—
Milwaukee Journal. ,
Tramps never have, to inquire their
way. With them all roads lead to roarn.
—Binghamton Republican.
When a man is walking on his uppers
the presumption is that ho isn't well
heeled.— Binghamton leader.
"Misfortunes never comes singly,"
chuckles the old bachelor when he hears
a tale of married infelicity.— Texas Sitt
ings.
Lady (searching for burglars)—" Here,
Bridget, you let down the folding bed
and then I'll look under it."—Chautau
quan.
"It fills the bill," remarked the ban
tam pullet when she picked up a large
and juicy grasshopper. Washington
Star.
Dentists generally keep out of politics,
but they would be sure to make them
selves felt if they took the stump.—Pica
yune.
A subscriber wants to know "if there
is any money in hens." He might ascer
tain by cutting his hens open.—Norrit
toicn Herald.
When a man and woman have been
made one, the honeymoon is the time
spent in endeavoring to discover which
is that one.— Statesman.
Professor—"Tho old Cyclops were men
who here"—touching his forehead
"where most people have nothing, had
one large eye."— Fliegenda Blotter.
On verso and novels I employed
Much time and many pads-
But never made a living 'till
I took up writing ads.
—Chatter.
"What is your husband's business,
madame?" asked his Honor. "He's a
calker, sir." "Come, madame, no tri
fling and no slang if you wish me to issue
a warrant."— New York Herald.
•'Halt! Throw up your hands!"
shouted the Montana brigand, as he
stopped the stage. "We hain't swalleied
'em," cheerfully replied a passenger from
Down East.— Spring/Uld Union.
Paul Pry—"l presume tho portrait in
in your breastpin is your father's?"
Miss Mitten—"No; it is the picture of
the first young man to whom I promised
to be a sister."— Jewel-rs' Weekly.
You cannot see Miss Bullion's faults,
And you nesd not feel surprise;
'Tis not so much that "love is blind,"
As gold dust in your foolish eyes!
—New York Sun.
Mrs. Bellows—"How can you claim,
Mr. Bellows, ihut I did the" proposing
when we became engagedV" Mr. Bel
lows— "You might ns well have done it.
You said you were of a short-lived stock
and had $20,000 in your own right."—
New York Ilerald.
"My object in calling this evening,"
he began, with a nervous tremble of his
-bin, "was to ask you, Katie—l may call
you Katie, may I not?" "Certainly, Mr.
Longripe," said the sweet young girl.
•'All of papa's elderly friends call mo
Katie." And he said uothing further
ibout his object in calling. Chicago
Tribune.