SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W. ML CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. IX.
According to the Chicago Gioae, over
#100,000,000 of Government 4Jt u«
cents, will mature next year.
The American eagle flaps its wings to
hoar that a New York dentist has tho
pleasure of operating on the Czar of Rus-
The Roumanian Government has of
fered prizes to the architects of all na
tions for the best plans for its new assem
bly aud senate chambers. The first prize
for each buildiug is £3000; the second,
$1500; third, SOOO.
The village of Mokena, 111., about for
ty miles south of Chicago, passed an or
dinance requiring tho Rock Island Rail
road to place a flagman at tho principal
crossing, and the company complied, but
refused cither to take freight or passen
gers until the ordinance was rescinded.
Germany has one doctor to 1500 of
population; Franco one to 3107; tho
United Kingdom one to 1234; but the
United States one to 600. That says a
good deal for the doctors, comments the
New Orleans Timts-Democrat; for the
average American is longer-lived than
any of the nationalities named.
Where the Argentines have failed as
amateur bankers, 3ays an English jour
nalist recently returned from Buenos
Ayres, properly qualified men of Eu
ropean experience might achieve a great
success. AVith even moderately good
politics, and moderately sound banking
the Argentine crisis might be solved in
a year or two. Without them it can only
go from bad to worse.
The Prairie Fanner does not take
much stock in the suggestion of a con
tractor of Chicago, to pump out the lake
front after building a coffer-dam around
800 or 100 acres of water. To build tho
world's fair in the bottom of tho lake
•would be unique; the project is feasible,
of course, but who wauts togo down
twenty feet below the watei line to see a
great exposition? There would be con
stant dread of a possible inbreak of tho
waters! If so, what then? A great scare
aud loss of life. The world's fair will
not be held on tho bottom or the top of
Lake Michigan.
The Speaker of London has made a
study of novel heroes. Out of 192 of
these gentlemen that came out between
October and June last it is discovered
.that (ighty-tlvo stood six feet, while
many were even taller. Compared with
those of the nine months preceding last
October the heroes of the period in ques
tion show an increase iu height averag
ing three-quarters of an inch per hero.
It is observed that lady writers show a
marked tendency to make their male
characters tall. The reading public
would willingly allow some of the lair
novelists the right to lengthen their he
roes to apy extent if they could only bo
induced to shorten their stories.
At a place called Fort Pine, in or near
Natal, South Africa, a local chief re
cently summoned a native doctor to at
tend his wife, or one of his wives.
What the ailment was is not known, but
the remedy prescribed by the doctor was
human fat. Like some of his profession
in other parts of the world, the doctor
was a plump man and the chief prompt,
ly ordered him to be killed and adminis
tered to the iilu.itrious patient. This
was done and the chief is now awaiting
his trial at Maritzburg in consequence.
"For its own credit," comments the
Times-Democrat, "it is to be hoped that
British law will deal mercifully with this
potentate, who seems to have a practical
sense of justice as well as a droll vein of
humor."
The Shoe and leather Reporter says:
"A noticeable thing about the statues
found in our museums of art, and sup
posed to represent the perfect figures of
ancient men and women, is the apparent
disproportionate size of their feet. We
moderns are apt to pronounce them too
large, particularly those of the women. It
will be fouud, however, that for sym
metrical perfection these feet could not
be better. A Greek sculptor would not
think of such a thing as putting a nine
inch foot on a five-and-one-half-foot wo
man. Their types for these classical
marble figures were taken from the best
forms of living persons." The lir/Miter
goes onto show that a well proportioned
woman of ten feet three inches in height
abould have a foot ten inches long and
l&ould wear a No. (5. Courage, fair
■Asters of Chicago; it is true that your
■Mt vc Uijj, but they are ofaMical feet.
DISCONTENT.
A BALLAD WITH A DOUBLV KEFRAIJf.
It is not in man to be quite content.
You may fill his cup till it overflow.
Yon may pay liim his due, yes, cent percent,
But he'd rather have this or that, you
know;
Or be somebody else, like so-and-so—
And fortune's favors may pour and pour,
And the zephyrs of fame propitious blow,
But theaverago man wants something moro!
Indulge a man to the top of his bent,
In love, war, politics give him a show,
And when he wins he's suro to repent—
He'd rather have this or that, you know!
To Congress he 110 longer wauts togo
Or the girl ho used to love and adore.
Won and his wife, soems a little slow—
And the avorage man wants something more!
Not tho winter alone brings discontent,
Though ho bitterly growls at the frost and
snow
The seasons to worry him all are sent,
And he'd rather havo this or that, you
know.
Whon the mercury's high ho wants it low;
Some feature or other he's sure to deplore;
The pessimist pines for an unknown woo,
And the average man wauts something
more.
ENVOI.
Tho harvest lacks something whatever he
sow,"
And he'd rather have this or that, you
know;
You may give of all things good galore,
But the average mau wants something
more.
—Hepburn Johns, in Pittsburg Dispatch.
MISS VASSALS DIAMONDS.
BY LOIS GItEY.
The marriage of Miss Vassal* was of
tho sort of which people talk. It out
raged that sense of titness which the
world possesses so strongly in regard to
the marriage, not of itself, but of its
friends. A few, to be sure, objected
that nothing could be litter. Miss Vas
sar, if not quite in her first youth aud not
what one might call pretty, had inherited
all the millious of her lather; Louis
Hadetsky had uo millions whatever, but
he was young and the handsomest man in
town.
Whatever might or might not be said.
Helen Vassar was happy, ller gentle,
sympathetic eyes had certain depths now
adays that made Leslie Hadetsky think
her almost good looking. Leslie spent
much of her time in the large Vassar
country house now. This was natural.
She was Louis's adopted sister.
At this instant she sat lazily watching
Helen giving orders to her maid for the
toilet she would wear that night. Miss
Vassar's invitation had been out three
weeks for her great ball.
A small gold-bound coder was open
before her, and from the delicate, scented
3atin of its lining the liquid fire of dia
monds, the living whiteness of pearly, de
tached themselves. The new maid moved
about silent and obsequious.
"You are careless," said Leslie in a
moment iu which the woman left the
room. ''How long have you had that
person? You lock up nothing and you
really know nothing of Clemeuce."
"She came excellently recommended."
Leslie shrugged her shoulders. She
was a tall girl, dark and slight, almost
to thinness, which did not prevent her
having nrms and u throat so beautiful
that, wliea in a ballroom people followed
her witli their eyes. Her glance was
deep and a little restless. She had mag
nificent hair and hands and feet that
rivaled her throat in beauty. Never
theless no one spoke of her as pretty.
"I feci defrauded that Louis cannot
come to-night," said Helen Vassar, tak
ing up the thread of an interested con
versation. "What business so urgent
that he must absolutely leave town to
day?"
"You may be sure it is urgent. Of
course it's unfortunate."
"How tinn you arc in your allegiance
to Louis," smiled Louis's betrothed.
"You would question nothing he might
do. You are exemplary brother and
sister. You are very devoted."
"Very devoted," said Leslie.
The maid had re-entered the room.
She had a note which she gave to Miss
Itadetsky. The latter opened and read
it through. She was rather silent for
awhile." Then she got up and with some
passing excuse went out.
A half hour later she returned, dressed
for the street.
"Will you let mc have the brougham?
I have thought of something I want in
town. I shall have time to drive in
and back before dinner."
"Can't I send some one?" asked
Helen.
"No, I prefer togo myself."
"Just as you like, of course. Nat
urally, ring for the brougham whenever
you please."
It was a crisp autumn afternoon nnd
the horses traveled rapidly. When they
reached town Miss Kadetsky stopped at a
large shop and bade the coachman wait.
She walked through the crowded aisles
leisurely and finally issued iuto another
street through an opposite door. Then
she began to accelerate her step. She
walked about ten minutes and stopped
at length before a bachelor apartment
house. She took the elevator and rang
at a door. It opened almost simul
taneously and she entered a large room
with partly drawn curtains. Louis closed
and double locked the door again.
By this time LeslieJLad become accus
tomed to the seeming obscurity. When
Louis turned she saw hi* face distinctly.
LAPOETE, PA., FRIDAIWR)TOBEfi 17, 1890.
A tremor seized her knees and hands.
She ssnk into a chair and fastened her
eyes upon him.
"Tell the whole truth," she said.
"Something horrible has happened. I
havo felt the catastrophe coming a long
time."
He had thrown himself down beside
her. His beauty was defaced like a
Greek god prone in the dust.
He began in broken phrases, which il
lumined the situation for the listening
woman us flashes of lightning illumines a
black landscape.
Leslie never spoke.
* * * * * *
The last carriage rolling away from
Miss Vassar's ball faced the late rising
moon. The day had been cool aud the
night had a warning of winter.
There were sounds of closing doors, of
moving footsteps, about the great house
for a half hour or more. On tho landing
of tho first floor Helen said good night
to her guest and tho women separated
and went to their rooms. The last light
was extinguished after a time and every
thing sank into sileuco.
The creaking of a door woke no echo
in the wide hall. A window at the end
of it admitted moonlight cloistcral in its
whiteness. It just touched a softly step
ping figure dressed in black. In black,
of course. How could one tell what
trick a stray moonbeam falling on white
might play ?
Miss Vassar slept behind locked doors.
But between her bedroom and the hall
was a small boudoir. There was moon
light enough here also. Enough, at least,
to see one's way to the curious cabinet of
inlaid Japanese woods that stood in one
corner. A fragile thing in appearance,
but not fragile in reality, unless you hap
pened to know the mechanism of its sec
ret drawers.
When you did, what mote easy than
to touch a spring and assist the hinge
that noiselessly turned, exposing tho in
distinct contour of the well-known coffer
behind? The box was light of weight,
despite the value it represented. But
tho*c swift, dexterous fingers had no
thought of carrying it. Already they
had pressed tho secret spring lock thai
opened it ami lilted the padded tray. Just
then tho moon passed ucder a cloud.
Hut there was no possibility of mistake in
the touch of those cold chained stones,
slipping, like a snake, against the palm.
This was the wonderful Vassar necklace,
enriched, in three successive generations,
by gems scarce anywhere to be matched.
The truy was replaced, tho coffer
back, the hinge turned. The .Tapauese
cabinet stood in its corner as if no alien
touch had violated it. The dark figure,
in the light of the reappearing moon,
glided from the room as noiselessly us it
had glided in.
"That wretched woman has been sen
tenced to ten years in the penitentiary."
For days .Miss Yassar had been op
pressed as with a weight. Even the
preparations for her approaching mar
riage seemed scarcely to arouse her. She
had taken a liking to the neat little
French maid so short a time in her ser
vice before she had been arrested for the
theft of the Vassar necklace. Even now,
with every proof of her guilt, she could
not, apparently, convict her in her own
mind or appease her regrets.
"I think you are morbid," said Leslie
Radetsky, quietly. "What is to prevent
people from getting their deserts in this
world?"
' 'How cruel you look when you say
that!" exclaimed Miss Vassar with a note
of pain in her voice.
"Well, some one who knew something
of phraseology, physiognomy—all the
rest of it—told me once that I was cruel.
Cruel, unscrupulous," added the girl
with a smile. "Unscrupulous when I
had an end to gain."
"Don't say those things," exclaimed
her friend, as before. "You are always
saying them latterly. Why?"
"Ah, why, why?" cried the girl with
a shrug ol her beautiful shoulders.
Was she really changed? she asked
herself a little later as she went down in
the wide grounds. She had slipped on a
thick jacket and walked with a rapid
step over the frozen snow. The winter
day was breathless and clear. The icy
stillness seemed to cool her head and
hands. Oh, this feverishness that would
not go out of her veins! But, outward
ly, was she not perfectly calm? She had
grown hard. Of course. Hard, bitter,
reckless; all the rest of it. She gave a
low laugh in the silence of the empty,
leafless alleys, llow could one help that?
It was either to do that or—to go mad,
perhaps!
She Btopped abruptly with a light
trembling of the limbs. She had heard
an approaching step. It was Louis.
He had left his trap at the gate and
was walking up through the grounds to
the house.
"I thought I should meet you here,"
he said. Ili3 voice shook and his pallor
struck through all her bewilderment
with a sort of terror. "Do you know
that that woman has been sentenced to
ten years—ten years—imprisonment?"
"Y'es, I know."
"God in heaven, and you say that so
I quietly? What are you made of?" His
| eyes hung upon her with a species of rc
| volting curiosity.
i"I am made of stuff that can face the
j consequences of its actions," she said in
| a low voice. "That does not shrink
! and shrivel like a poor coward like you."
"If I have lost my soul, 'tis because
!of you!" cried the man as ono dis
! fraught.
! "Did I make you forge a check to save
| yourself from bankruptcy? Did I tuuke
you, when the crime was on the ove of
discovery, throw yourself on my mercy
and ask me to help you? How was Ito
help? Was not las poor as you? I did
what I could. I committed a crime in
my turn to savo yo§» To allow you,
scott free, to marry s rich woman who
loved you. To allow you to cast anchor
in a safo harbor for the rest of your
days."
"And the crime you committed con
demns me as it does you," he cried with
a shaking voice. "The first weakening
of my conscience came through you as
well, though you may deny it. Who was
it urged mo to speculate, urged mo to
strain out of my obscurity? Who was it
flattered my vanity Into thinking that I
was made, intended for the brilliant tri
umphs of life? You! You have been
an ovil star to me. A millstone hung
around my neck. That my eyes might
never rest on you again would be a wish
too intense for realization 1"
He hud gone from her and at last she
saw him as ho was. This coward, this
beautiful weakling, too pliant to resist
temptation, too nerveless to abide by his
misdeeds, was the creature she had loved
with a blind adoration all her life, who,
scarcely a year younger than herself, had
been almost as a sou and a brother in
one. And was there a nearer love still
and a dearer love yet, so deep hidden in
the secret recesses of consciousness that
evou the heart that harbored it had not
recognized its presence?
It was all over now. Thero was one
thing left alone, aud that was ever
fiiendly.
She went buck into the liouso and wrote
two letters. One was addressed to Helen
Vassar. It accused her, Leslie lladetsky,
of the theft of the Vassar diamonds, She
wanted the money for her own personal
uses. No need ever to ask what those
uses might have been. That would never
be discovered. The French maid was
innocent. Steps might be taken at onco
for her liberation. Suspicion had, of
course, been purposely thrown on this
woman. Who else knew where Mi«p
Vassar kept her diamonds—who but the
now mnid and Miss Vassar's friend, tho
adopted sister of the man she was to
marry? Mi** Vassar had wealth in super
fluity. What she had regretted was not
tho loss of her diamonds so much as the
guilt of a young girl who had impressed
her as innocent. Well, that young girl
was now absolved. It was true that the
adopted sister of her betrothed the
guilt iustead. But she lov»d the brother,
and for his sake, perhaps, shn wou?ti drop
the veil over a crime expiated as sins
could alono bo expiated, it was said.
Such was the substanco of the first
letter. The second was written to
Louis.
"You are safe, unless you speak your
self, which, though you are a coward, I
do not think likely. Helen will not seek
to know one detail of my deed. She is
noble and Quixotic. She noed never
discover that tho necklaeo • passed onto
you and was severed and the stones scat
tered and sold. The French girl is safe,
too. lam going where disgrace does
not reach. Strange! I loved you. Can
you understand that, I wonder?"
* * * * * *
Both letters were found by her side.
The room was tilled with the odor of
bitter almond* and she held tho little
vial still clenched in her stiffening hand.
Loui* Radetsky and the heiress were
married abroad a year later. The young
man had been for months at death's door
with a fever of the brain.
They now live in Pari9. He has aged
and brokeu rapidly. His health is poor
and hs has strango hallucinations. But
after so ghastly a shock, what more
natural, thinks his wife.
She cares for him with a wonderful
devotion. But there is a sadness in her
face and a curious shadow lingers there
at times.— New York Mercury.
Tho Soutli'g Population.
Tho Manufacturern' Record , of Balti
more, says: Notwithstanding the fact
that immigration has added over 5,200,-
000 foreigners to our population during
the last ten years, none of whom have
settled in the South except in very rare
cases, aud that the great industrial de
velopment of this section, with its at
tendant Southward trend of men and
money," only commenced a few years ago,
the South makes a tine showing of popu
lation in 1890 as compared with 1880.
The preliminary census report gives the
population of Southeru States as fol
lows!
ISW. 1890.
Alabama 1,520,000 1,202,505
Arkausas 1,182,000 802,525
Florida 396,000 209,498
Georgia 1,840,000 1,542,180
Kentucky 1,870,000 1,048,090
Louisiana 1,115,000 039,940
Maryland 1,400.000 934,943
Mississippi 1,265,000 1,131,597
North Carolina 1,640,000 1,399,750
South Carolina 1,187,000 995,577
Virginia 1,700,000 1,512,565
West Virginia 774,000 t!18,4.->7
Ten ne&see 1,800, Otlo 1,542,859
Texas 2,175,000 1,591,749
* 19,864,0(K) 10,193,888
Electric Butter Making.
An interesting application of electric
ity to tho dairy industry has been made
in Italy. Tho Count of Assata, whose
buildings are fitted up with electric
light, has connected his dsiry plant with
an electric motor of twelve horse-power.
This machine drive* a Danish separator
and a Dutch churh of considerable size,
churning being conducted ut the rate of
120 to IfiO revolutions per minute, the
butter being brought in from thirty to
thirty-five minutes, in line grains, which,
it is now recognized, enable tho maker
to produce the iioest article*
Terms— sl.2s in Advance ; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
A pump chamber weighing 6000
pounds has just been cast at Pittston,
Penn.
Chicago is preparing to send great
quantities of milling machinery to
China to be used in the gold mines.
A horse power is a power capablo of
raising 33,000 pouuds avoirdupois
through the space of one foot in one
minute.
A Frenchman has invented portable
tablets, by nibbing at which one may
sustain lifo indefinitely, without the use
of any other food.
An English engineer proposes making
double shell boilers, maintaining a pres
sure between them. By these means he
caloulatcs that a much higher pressure
can bo carried than is possible even with
the coil boilers already in use.
The London (England) tower is so far
on its way to become an accomplished
fact that a site of 300 acres has been pur
chased. One-half of the ground will be
used for the site of the tower and the
other half will bo laid out in pleasure
grounds.
Mustard oil is being manufactured in
Germany for lubricating purposes. It is
said to be unaffected by cold above a
temperature of about fifteen degrees
Fahrenheit, and does not readily become
rancid or form fatty acids likely to at
tack metal.
At least a dozen actors and actresses
in England are practising their parts by
aid of the phonograph. They have thus,
as nearly as possible, the samo oppor
tunity as tho audience of judging of the
Correctness of the emphasis and inflec
tion used iu any given passage.
A new method for ventilating rail
way carriages and preventing dust from
entering with the air has appeared in
France. The air is made to traverse a
receptacle containing water, which cools
it aud relieves it of dust, after which it
goes through another filtering befo*;
entering the carriage.
An engineer of Manchester, England,
is introducing a novely iu paper, viz.,
paper filehafts aud toolhanules, which
are said to be practically indestructible
aud much cheaper than wood or malle
able irou hafts. Placed under a steam
hammer, although they can be flatteced,
they canuot be split or cracked.
An invention by which writing can
be transfesred from paper to iron is the
work of a Boston man, who has invented
; a hard 'ink with which he writes (back
ward) upon ordinary paper. That paper
is placed in a mould, melted iron is
poured in, and when the hardened iron
is removed it is found that, while the
heat burned away the paper, it did not
nffect. the ink, but left the impression of
the writing.
This is a scientific description of what
| happens when you light a tire. The
phosphorous on the match is raised by
: friction to a temperature of 150 degrees
I Fahrenheit, at which it ignites; it
raises the temperature of the sulphur (if
it is a sulphur match) to 500 degrees,
when the sulphur begins to burn; the
sulphur raises the heat to 800 degrees,
when the wood takes up the work and
produces a temperature of 1000 degrees,
| at which the coal ignites.
The First Express Package.
The lirst express package carrier was
a rather consumptive-looking young
man of the name of Harnden (his given
name has escaped my memory), who in
1836 instituted the business in New York
city by calling on bankers, brokers and
merchants with a carpet bag and solicit
ing the carrying of money and other val
uable packages between that city and
Boston. Like alt new undertakings, it
was not long before a competitor ap
peared in the person of Alvah Adams,
who selected Philadelphia as his objec
tive point, and who adopted the same
tactics as llarnden. James Hoey, who
is now a prominent figure in"The
Adams Express Company," and a re
puted millionaire, was at that time a
young Irish boy employed to sweep out
a ten by fifteen office on William street,
west side, between Wall and Pine, and
to deliver and call for packages which
became too large for the carpet bag.
The business grew rapidly, the trunk
took the place of the carpet bag, suc
ceeded by iron-bound crates strongly
padlocked, which had to give way to box
cars on truck wheels, for the convenience
of transfer from the New York and
Providence line of steamboats to the
Boston and Providence railroad, llarn
den continued the eastern route and
Adams the southern. Later on a con
solidation took place under the present
title, and Hnrndcu's express was merged
into the Adams Express Company.—
Chicago Tribune.
A Deer Kills a Rattlesnake.
James Milton, who has been stopping
up at Bowman's dam for a week or more,
(chronicles a western paper), s( vs that
while out hunting in D ad horse flat, on
Canyon Creek, ho witnessed a novel
spectacle. While walking along looking
for game he saw some distance ahead a
deer bounding up and down in the same
track. The motion was so peculiar that
he forgot to shoot, but kept advancing.
The animal at last saw him and darted
into a thicket. Being curious to know
what the animal had been doing he ap
proached the spot and found a rattle
snake almost beaten inlo the ground.
The deer was evidently killing the reptile
when he first discovered him.
NO. 1.
IN THE SHADOW.
Prear is the night with its wavering light,
And the moon is under a cloud,
Kach planet afar the wraith of a star /
Glearfispale in its mist-wovon shroud,
Love! i
So wan in ita chilling, white shroud!
Weary the feet on the desolate street
That baar my burden and me;
My comrades are gone, and I am alone.
To think of heaven and thee.
Love,
To dream of heaven and thee!
Hungering I in my loneliness sigh
For thee and all that thou art,
For the lovelight that lies in thy glorious
eyes
To cheer my tarnishing heart,
Love,
To cheer my desolate heart!
Vain the desire! Hope's bright beacon fire
Burns dimly in life's autumn rain,
While I walk these lono ways and long for
the days
That will dawn for me never again,
Love,
The days that will dawn not again'.
—M. M. Folsom, in Atlanta Constitution.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
A certain class—Know-It-Alls.
A good suggestion—"Let's goto
church."— Mail and Express.
Might not misfits be prevented if the
proper measures were taken?
A preferred creditor —One who never
presents his bill.— Texan Si/tings.
The ills of life arc often easier to bear
than the stock market. — Texas Sittings.
"I'm not tall," said the saving little
man, "but I'm never short."— Boston
Herald.
It is easier to live within your income
than to live without oue. Boston
Courier.
"Why docs Mr. Lank go so often to
fish?" "lie expects to gain llesh."—
Boston Courier.
Whoever is head of the ship state, the
farmer fairly represents the tiller.—
Philadelphia Times.
To the mind of the anti-monopolist,
there is no such thing as a perfect trust.
—Detroit Fret Press.
"Now, just let me give yon a point
er." "Thanks, no. I've no use for a
dog."— New York Herald.
A very laige percentage of people out
live their usefulness at an early age.—■
Seattle ( Washington) Journal.
Money is a neuter thing,
A fact which nature balks.
It should bo classed as feminine,
Because, you know, it talks.
—New York Sun.
"She is not pretty. You said she was
as pretty as a picture." "Oh, well, I
meant an amateur photograph."— Keu>
York Sun.
"How much does that fellow owe
you ?" "A cool thousand." "Ah!
Cool but not collected, eh?"—Bingham
ton Leader.
"I can't goto jail," said a funny va
grant. "I have uo time." "The Court
provides that," said the Judge. "I give
you ten days."
Proof that a man is really near-sight
ed: When he tinds it necessary to look
at an elephant through a magnifying
glass.— Fliegende Blaetter.
Mrs. Brown—"l wonder who wroto
up this account of the President's car
riage?" . Mrs. Malaprop—"Some hack
writer, of course."— Harper's Bazar.
Waiter (very gravely)—"l hope, sir,
you'll remember the waiter." Customer
(coolly)—"I have a lockot. Give inc a
lock of your hair."— L'lntransigeant.
Pupil—"Why does the avoirdupois
system have no scruples?" Prof. Kod
der—"Because, my boy, it's used to
weigh coal und ice."— Harper's Bazar.
Let us then bo up and doing.
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Catchtng fish or cutting bait.
Washington Star.
"Jane, will you go for a sail to-day?"
Mr. Toodles asked his wife at the sea
side. "Why, certainly, Timothy.
What is it, au auction or a sheriff's?"—
Philadelphia Times.
Gazzam—"l see that the German
Government thinks of making North-Al
sace-Lorraine on independent duchy."
Maddox—"Of course if it were Duchy
it wouldn't be so Frenchy."— Harper's
Bazaar.
Now lot the women do our work,
And let us cook the hash.
For now they wear our iaundriod shirt,
And wo—we wear their sash.
Ashland (Wis.) Press.
Mr. Fogg, having had the misfortune
to fall into the fountain basin of the
hotel at u watering-place, tluds on his
next week's bill the following entry
"To one cold bath, sl." — Fliegende
Blaetter.
"A half ticket for this boy, please."
"llow a half-ticket? Isn't he twelve
years old?" "Oh, no, only eleven."
"Oh, then you waut a whole ticket, for
only children under teu go for half."—
I Fliegende Blaetter.
Ho attained the proud title of Sir.
Ami she pledged to bo mora tliau a sr,
So thay stoo I at the altar,
And ne'r did he falter
When lie banto'er and solemnly kr.
—Buffalo J&xprcss.
"Have you boarded long nt this
house?" inquired the new boarder of the
dejected lil'in sitting next to hi w.
"About ten years." "I don't see hovi
you can stand it. Why haven't you leK
long ago?" "No other place to go,''
said the other dismally. "The landlady's
my wife."— Chicago Tribune