SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W, M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
Dr. A. Bosco, an Italian statistician,
has discovered that the greatest numbei
•112 murders occur in Italy, Sp*in anc
Hungary.
The New York Obsrrter announcei
fcat the Chautauqua Literary and Scien-
He Reading Circle has now about sixty
"slousand students.
"The romance of West Point and An
aapolis makes thousands of boys anxious
to get there," explains the Detroit Fret
Press, "but the cold facts of a practical
trial discourage three-fifths of the pupils
before the second year. Only aboit one
in five graduates, and a smaller propor
tion follow the profession through life.''
Considering that $223,000,000 of prop
erty in the United States is possessed and
controled by twenty-seven women, one
might argue, suggests tho New York
Journal, that parents should give their
daughters as thorough a business educa
tion as they accord their sons. No one
with girls to raise can tell in this demo
cratic country, where fortunes shift like
quicksilver, whether at some future time
they may not have vast sums of money to
control.
The Paris Herald solemnly asserts that
"nearly forty-five per cent, of the fe
male convicts have at some period of
their lives kept, parrots, and a carefnl
compai'ison made between a thousand
shopkeepers of the weaker sex who in
dulge in parrots, and a thousand of the
same class who abstain from parrots aud
dicky birds, shows that the former are
twenty seven times more liable to be ar
rested or> charges of dishonesty than the
latter."
A writer in the Arena gives a dismal
forecast of mundane affairs during the
next quarter of a century. He predicts
revolutions all over Europe, and a social
upheaval, followed by a war lasting from
1906 to 1916, in the United States. But
antedating that event there will bo a
great earthquake and a tidal wave that
will submerge the Atlantic coast from
New Orleans-to. New York. All the
great seaboard cities will be engulfed.
But, despite these doleful predictions,
people will keep right on in their occu
pations as heretofore.
Tho New York Tribune says: A law
of New Jersey requires all railroad com
panies in their annual reports to mention
nil accidents, the cause thereof, the
names of the persons injured and the na
ture and extent of their injuries. In pur
suance of this law, we observe in the re
port just issued the following important
entry in one of the company's statement:
"August Ist—David Kicrstcd, passen
ger, injured at Little Ferry by train No.
25, J. W. Hoivley, conductor; B. Mc-
Afee, engineer, little finger of left hand
bruised by coach window, which he did
not properly fasten, falling on same." It
is possible to get things down too fiuo
sometimes.
The Age of Steel has discovered that it
costs moro than half as much again to
ship goods from New York to Valpa
raiso as it docs from Liverpool or Ham
burg, while it frequently happens that
tho merchant in Chili will receive his
bills of lading two or three months be
fore he gets his goods. The cost of
freight by steamer from New York to
Valparaiso via Panama is $34 per ton;
heavy goods via Hamburg, §22, and via
Liverpool, §22. Freight shipped from
Liverpool, London, Glasgow, Bordeaux
or Havre is but from $5.50 to $7. These
figures arc explanatory of much that is
otherwise problematic, and there need be
no surprise at the low ebb of our export
trade with Chili and southern republics.
A comparison lias, been made between
railroad operations in the United States
and Europe by taking the Prussian sys
tem as typical of one and the Pennsyl
vania system as representative of the
other. The Prussian system embraces
16,800 miles and is owned by the State.
The Pennsylvania system is 7884 miles
long. Tho total earnings of tho former
in 1887-8 were $180,000,000 and ot the
latter $123,000,000, so that the Prus
sian, with more than double the mileage
of the Pennsylvania, only earned 50 per
cent, more money. The earnings per
mile of the Prussian were SIO,OOO, of
tho Pennsylvania $16,000. The Prus
sian carried 191,600,000 passengers,
more than doubie the nuqiber transported
by the Pennsylvania, namely, 73,000,-
030. But, on tho other hand, the Penn
sylvania carried 122,000,000 tons of
freight, against only 99,000,00 ft carried
by the Prussian roads.
A SONO O-JJ GROWTH.
In the heart of a man
Is a thought upfurled:
Reached its full span
It shakes the world,
And to one high thought
Is a whole race wrought.
Not with vain noixo
The great work grows,
Nor with foolish voice,
But in repose,—
Not in the rush.
But in the hush.
From cogent lash
Of tho cloud-herd wind
The low clouds dash,
Blown headlong, blind;
But, beyond, the great bluo.
Looks moveless through.
O'er the loud world sweep
The scourge and the rod.
But in deep beyond deep
Is tho stillness of God,—
At tho Fountain of Life
No cry—no strife!
Charles <>. P. Roberta, in The Century.
A STARTLING"ADVENTURE.
I was a medical student in Paris at
the timo the strange and startling ad
venture happened which lam about to
record. Tired with long lectures and
hard study, I was out one evening for a
walk in the fresh air. It was a pleasant
night in mid-winter, and the cold, brac
ing air, as it touched my feverish brow,
caused a grateful sensation.
Passing through a rather lonely street
near the river, I was surprised at meeting
a young and pretty girl—at least she so
appeared in the dim light of a rather
distant street lamp—who carried in her
hand some three or four bouquets, which
she offered for sale.
"Will monsieur have a bouquet?" she
asked, in a sweet, musical tone, holding
out to me a well-arranged collection ot
beautiful flowers.
"They are very pretty," said I, taking
them in my hand; and then, somehow, I
could not help adding, as I fixed my
eyes upou hers, "And so, I think, is
their fair owner."
' 'Monsieur will purchase and assist
me?" she said.
"Do you, then, really need assistance,
mademoiselle?"
•'Why else should Ibe here at this
hour of the night, monsieur?"
"And'why here at all?" quickly re
turned I."This street is little frequent
ed, and is about tho last in the world I
should have selected for disposing of a
luxury most suited to wealth and fash
ion."
She sighed and reached out her hand
for the bouquet, which I still xctuined.
"What is your price?" said I.
"Five francs?"
"A large sum."
"Monsieur will remember it ia*winter,
and flowers are not plentiful."
"To aid you I will purchase," returned
I, handing her the requisite silver coin;
"for, though I love flowers, I would
otherwise hardly indulge in the luxury
to-night at such an expense."
She thanked me, ami seemed about to
pass on, but hesitated, looked up at me
and said:
"Could monsieur direct mo to the
house of a good physician, who would
turn out to-night and see a patient for a
small recompense?"
' 'Any friend of yours',ill ?"
"My mother!" with a docp.sigh and
downcast look.
"Where does she reside?"
"Only a short distance from here."
"What is the matter with her?"
"She has a high fever, for onc tliing."
"When was she taken?"
"She came down last night, and has
not left her bed since."
"Why did you not send for a doctor
once?"
"We hoped she wouldiget better soon,
and it is so expensive for poor people to
employ a physiciau."
"I am myself a medical student, with
considerable experience among the sick
of the hospitals, and if you arc disposed
to trust the case to me, .1 am at your ser
vice without charge," I rejoined, already
feeling deeply interested in the fair girl.
"Oh, how shall I thank monsieur?"
she exclaimed, with clasped'hands, and
an upward, grateful look. "Pray, iol
low me, Monsieur le Docteur."
She turned at once and moved off at a
rapid pace dawn the street toward tho
River Seine in tho direction I was walk
ing when we met.
In less than five minutes wc had en
tered a wretched quarter, among narrow
streets, old, tottering buildings, and
squalid looking inhabitants, some of
whom seemed to glaro at us as weipassed
along.
"Is it much further?" inquired I, be
ginning to feel uneasy.
"Only a step, monsieur. It is just
here."
Almost immediately she turned into a
covered passage, which led in back
among habitations that I should never
have voluntarily visited in the broad
light of day. A distant lamp just served
to make the gloom visible, till she sud
denly stopped and opened a door into
total darkness.
"Your hand, Monsieur le Docteur,"
she said, at the same time taking it and
leading me forward.
I was tempted to draw back and re
fuse togo any further, though I mechani
cally followed hor.
We now went through a long, narrow
passage, in total darkness, and, aftei two
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 19. 1890.
or three short turns, began to descend it
flight of creaking stairs.
"Is it possible you live in a place like
this!" said I, secretly wishing myself
safely out of It.
"In Paris beggars cannot be choosers,"
replied the girl.
"But even in Paris it is not necessary
for the living to take up their abodes in
sepulchers," I rejoined -with some as
perity, being vexed at myself for suffer
ing my good nature to lead me into a den
from which I might never come out
alive.
To this my fair guide deigned no reply.
On reaching the foot of the stairs she
pushed open a door, into a small dimly
lighted room, and I followed her into it
with some secret misgivings. There was
a bed in one corner, and on it appeared
to be n human form, lying very still.
"I have brought a doctor, mother,"
said the girl as she closed the ooor behind
me.
As tlicro was no reply to this she
turned to me, saying:
"Will Monsieur le Docteur please be
seated a minute? "I think mother is
asleep."
"I beg mademoiselle will bear in mind
that I can only spare i* few moments to
this case to-night, as I have another call
I wish to make immediately, I returned,
feeling very auxious to depare from the
subterranean quarter as soon as possible.
"Monsieur shall not be detained long
by mo," rejoined the girl, passing out of
the room by another door.
I did not sit down, but walked over to
the bed, where the patient was lying
very still—so still, indeed, that I could
not detect ony breathing. A woman's
cap was on the head, aud the end of a
sheet concealed the face. I ventured to
turn this down carefully, and beheld the
eyeless sockets and grinning teeth of a
human skull. ,
I started back in horror, and at t,he
same moment, the door by which the girl
had left was thrown open, und in
marched, one after the other, four tall
human figures in black gowns and masks.
I knew at once, then, that I was to be
robbed, and probably murdered. I wore
a heavy diamond pin and riug, carried a
valuable gold watch, and had in money
about my person some 500 francs, but
not a single weapon of any kind. Re
sistance being therefore out of the ques
tion, I felt that my only chance—if in
deed there was a chance—was to con
ciliate the ruffians and buy myself off.
With a presence of mind for which I
still take to myself considerable rred't, I
said at once:
"I understand it all, gentlemen, and
you will find me a very liberal person to
deal with. There is one thing I value
very highly, because it is rte only one I
have, and I can not replace it—that is
my life. Everything else of mine is at
your service, even beyond what I have
with me."
They were undoubtedly surprise to
lieur me speak in that cool, off-hand man
ner, but they marched forward and sur
rouuded me before either returned a
word.
"How much have you with you then?"
inquired one in a civil way, but in a low,
gruff tone.
1 immediately mentioned the different
nrticlcs of value, and the exact aiuouut
of money.
"All of which I shall bo pleased to
present you with, if one of you will be
kind enough to escort me to the street
above," I asked.
"You said you had more, monsieur."
"Yes, gentlemen, I have 10,000 francs
in the Hank of France, and will willingly
add a check for half that amount."
"Checks do not serve our purpose very
well," said a second voice.
"Then I pledge you my honor that I
will to-morrow draw out 5000 franco and
pay the amount over to any person who
may approach mo with this bouquet in
his hand," said I, holding out the flow
ers I had purchased of the fair decoy.
"And have him arrested the next
minute, I suppose."
"No, on ray honor ho shall depart
unharmed and unquestioned; and no
other human being shall be informed of
the transaction for a week, a month or a
year."
"Let us first handle what you have
here," said tho first speaker.
I immediately took out ray pin, took
off my ring, drew out my watch, pro
duced my pocket-book and purse aud
placed them all in his extended hand.
"You make me a present of these
now," he wvid.
"Yes, on condition that one of you
will forthwith conduct mo to the street,"
I replied.
"Monsieur is a very liberal gentleman,
eh, comrades?" said the mask, turning
to the others.
"Avery liberal gentleman, indeed I"
was the response.
Then they drew off together, scrutin,
ized the articles by the light of a smoky
lamp, and conversed together in low
tones. I felt that they were holding a
consultation that involved my life, and
to speak tho honest truth, it seemed as
if every nerve in me quivered, and it was
with difficulty I could stand.
At length tho principal spokesman
turned to me and said, in a very cool
and methodical manner:
"Monsieur has acted more like a gen
tleman than any other person wc ever
had dealings with, and if we could, con
sistent with our business, oblige him, we
should be happy to do so; but unfortun
| nately we are governed by a rule, which
is a law with us, that 'dead men
tell no tales,' and we think it will not do
to make an exception in this case. We
will, however, in consideration of Mou-
tleur*« gentlemanly behavior, be as mllfl
and lenient as possible in doing our duty,
and grant Monsieur five minutes for say
ing his prayers."
"You have, then, resolved to murder
me?" I asked.
"Monsieur uses a very harsh term, but
we will let that pass. You have five
minutes yet to live by that watch."
The villain then held my watch to the
light, and I felt indeed that my minutes
were numbered.
A death-like silence then reigned iu
that gloomy apartment for somo time,
and then one of the ruffians bent down
ward and lifted a trap-door, and from
the dark pit below issued a noisome
smell. I beheld my. intended grave,
and shuddered and shook like an aspen.
But why stand there and die like a
dog, without a single attempt at escape?
At the worst it could be but death, and
there was a bare prossibility that I might
get away. I fixed my eyes on the door
which opened upou the stairway, and
with t single sudden bound reached it,
but found it fast locked. Then, as the
hands of the ruffians seized mc, with
murderous intent, I uttered a wild shriek,
the door was burst in with a loud crash,
and in a moment the room was filled
with gendarmes. I saw that I was saved,
and fainted anil fell.
Tho four masks, the fair decoy and
some two or three others concerned it
that murderous den were all secured that
night, and I subsequently had the pleas
ure of giving my evidence against them
and seeing them all condemned to the
galleys for life.
The place had been for some time sus
pected and the decoy marked. On that
night a detective had secretly followed
the giri and myself, and, after ascertain
ing whither she had conducted me, had
hastened to bring a body of gendarmes
to the place. The delay of the ruffians
in their murderous design had been just
sufficient to save mc. I scarcely ueed
add that I never again voluutecrcd to ac
company a distressed damsel on a secret
adventure while I remained in Paris.
An Empress and Her Five Boys.
A correspondent describes the daily
life of the German Empress and the five
little Princes at Sassnitz, where thoy
have been staying. Every day schools
and other institutions in the neighbor
hood make trips to Sassnitz to see the
Empress and her boys, and there are plenty
of opportunities for doing so, for the
Empress is as fond of being on the water
as the Emperor himself. Tho Empress
has already been several times on tho
beach, together with the Princes; the
four elder boys wear blue sailor suits and
straw hats with loug ribbons. Prince
Oscar, the youngest, who is dressed all
iu white, is carried about by the nurse.
The Princes climb about among the
stones, trying to find curious stones or
other treasures of the deep. The Em
press herself takes part iu this search as
well as in the other amusements of the
Princes on the beach. The thoughtful
kindness of the Empress was
shown in a little incident which
occurred a few days ago. She had
come down to the beach with her
four sons the Crown Prince had re
mained at home for lessons—and was
sitting down under a fiuo old beech not
far from the bathing place for gentle
men. The police would not let the gen
tlemen pass who were on their way to
the cabins. When the Empress noticed
that one of the latter was carrying a
bathing towel she made inquiries, and
wa3 informed that some of tho gentle-
I men were on their way to the bathing
place. She got up at once and sent an
apology to tho would-be bathers to tho
effect that "she had not known it was
the hour for bathing." The Princes
were also called away, and Prince Eitel
marched off whistling a merry tune. Tho
Empress keeps to her habit of rising
early, and the two eldest Princes take a
hot sea bath every morning at eight
o'clock. In a few days' time tho Em
press hopes also to begin sea bathing.
The costumes worn by the Empress are
as simple as possible. As a rule, she
wears a black woolen dress,a close fitting
jacket and a large straw hat trimmed
with black ribbon.
Tired of Making His "Mark."
James Robinson, tall, robust, with a
sandy complexion and forty years of age,
has spent almost his entire life mining in
the mountains of the West. Two months
ago he went to Kansas City, Mo., from
Phoenix, Arizona. He could neither
read nor write. During the past eight
years he has been engaged in the trans
action of business involving the buying
and selling of mines, through which he
has been placed iu comfortable circum
stances financially. His "mark" had
been attached to deeds aud contracts so
often that he was brought to realize the
necessity of an education. Hence his
presence in Kansas City. Mr. Robinson
has applied himself assiduously under the
direction of a private tutor aud can now
read and write. Ho says he will remain
another month in Kansas City and then
return to Arizona to look after his mining
interests. After the lapse of a few
weeks he will return to pursue his edu
cational course. In three years' time he
expects to have a good business educa
tion, supplemented with the embellish
ments of literature.— Chicago Herald.
Bookkeeper—"Excuse me, please, my
nephew died three days ago." Employer
(who is somewhat familiar with the little
game) —"All right, Mr. Culpepper, yo»i
may attend the funeral. Died, as usual,
on first base, I suppose?"— Dry Good*
Chronicle.
Terms—sl.26 in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
HOUSEHOLD AFFAIRS.
BRIGHTENING OUJf FRAMES.
Gilt piicture frames may be brightened
by taking sufficient flcpr of sulphur to
givo a golden tinge to fcbbut one and one
half pints of water, and in this boil four
or five bruised onions or garlic, which
will answer the same purpose. Strain off
this liquid, and with it, when cold, wash
with a soft brush any gilding which re
quires renewing, and when dry it will
come out bright as new.— New York
Telegram.
■pAINTHra UPON BILK.
To prevent oil colors from spreading
in painting upon silk or satin, different
preparations are used. White shellac
dissolved in alcohol is good. First, trace
the design, then cover the surface to be
painted with this medium. Another
method is to outline the design with Jap
an varnish before applying the paint.
Moisten the brush with turpentine and
paint over but not beyond the outline.
It is a good plan to squeeze the paint
upon a piece of blotting-paper, instead
of the palette ordinarily used. The
blotting-paper will absorb much of the
oil, aid if the paints are thinned with
turpentine they may often be used with
out any preparation upon the fabric.
On heavy satin there is little danger of
the oil spreading beyond the design.—
New York World.
TEA MAKING.
In preparing tea, the water to be used
should never be poured directly from
the kitchen kettle into the uru. It
should be cold, fresh water, brought ab
solutely to tho boiling point. The
used will, of course, differ according to
taste, but none is better for tho purpose
than the best English breakfast. The
leaves must be placed in the pot in the
proportion of a heaping teaspoonful to
each person. Upon these leaves pour a
small quantity of boiling water; never
use all of the latter needed at
once, as a sudden rush wilt certainly
"drown" the tea. Now pull the coscy
over the teapot and allow the contents to
draw a few momeute, when you will
have the best infusion possible;
repeat this process as mauy times as
needed; after using the first potfull and
filling once more with boiling water, the
tea loses its strength and flavor. Boiled
tea is hurtful, and breakfast tea should
never be steeped upon the stove. It
will not often be necessary to straiu
where theso directions are followed, but
the sudden addition of water floats the
leaves, which do not again settle.—
Hall's Journal of Health.
BEWARE OF CHEMICAL FRUIT POWDERS!
The attention of farm housewives and
other housekeepers is also drawn to tho
use of the pernicious substance which is
the basis of the fruit powders used for
the preservation of fruits aud vegetables.
Health is tho greatest blessing if only for
its personal relation. But when the
health of young children is under the
care of the mothers, the greatest circum
spection should prevail in the use of all
chemical preparations used in housekeep
ing. Nothing noxious under the guise
of household compounds, whether for
preserving or cooking, iuclusive of bak
ing powders, should be accepted blin ily
or without knowing of what they are
composed. It is an excellent part of the
education of young women that hygiene,
nnd at least some knowledge of domestic
chemistry, are taught in good schools,
and every mother should take care that
her daughters should acquire this indis
pensable accomplishment before they be
gin housekeeping for themselves. Rural
schools especially should be conducted
upon the high principle, and should be
made as effective means of instruction
as those of tho cities and large towns.—
New York Times.
RECIPES.
Sweet Tomato Pickles—Take eight
pounds of green tomatoes and chop them
fine, then add four pounds of brown sugar
and boil three hours; a quart of vine
gar, a teaspoonful each of mace, cloves
and cinnamon; boil again fifteen min
utes, let it cool and pour into jars.
Raspberry Vinegar—To four quarts
red raspberries, put enough vinegar to
cover, and let them stand twenty-four
hours; scald and strain it; add a pound
of sugar to one pint of juice; boil it
twenty minutes, and bottle; it is then
ready for use, and will keep years. To
one glass of water add a great spoonful.
It is much relished by the sick. Very
nice.
Baked Veal Cutlet—Remove all skin
from the edge, wash and wipe dry,
sprinkle with salt and pepper, place a
sheet of white paper in the bottom of a
shallow baking tin, butter it well, lay the
meat on it, place bits of butter on top of
the meat and very thin slices of onion,
place in a moderate oven, baste frequent
ly with butter, bake until a nice brown;
remove from tho pan, place on a hot plat
ter, pour over it a little tomato sauce
and garnish with sliced lemon.
Salmon Salad—Take two onions cut
fine, a small carrot, a small head of cel
ery, half a cupful of parsley cut fine, two
tablespoonfuls of butter, one teaspoonful
of prepared mustard; let them simmer
fifteen minutes in just water enough to
prevent scorching,then adtf one cupful of
vinegar, one cupful of water,salt, a pinch
of cloves, and a little cayenne, and the
fish; simmer half an hour, then remove
from the fire, aud let the salmon remain
in the dressing until perfectly cold, then
serve with lettuce and some of the dresa
ing strained through a fine sieve.
NO. 49.
LIFE AND LOVE.
Life is a garden fair and free,
But 'tis love that holds the golden key,
For hand and heart
Once held apart,
Life's flowers are dashed with jtorra of sor
row;
And bloom to-day may be blight to-morrow;
Then heedless ever of wind and weather.
Let life and love be linked together.
Life is a diamond rich and rare,
But love is a cluster that dances thoro;
For hand and heart
Once held apart,
Life's jewels grow dim in the breath of sor
row,
And diamond to-day may bo dust to-mor
row;
Then heedless of the wind and weather.
Let life and lovo bo linked together.
Life hath a fair and sunshine face.
But love is a beauty that gives it grace,
For hand nnd heart
Onco held apart,
The sweetest cheeks are paled with sorrow.
And blush to-day may be blanched to-mor
row;
Then heedless ever of wind and weather,
Let life and love be linko 1 together.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Wfttcred silk—An umbrella.
A blacking box—Ode in tho eye.
A skylight—The sun.— Prison Mirror.
The silent niajoritv is not the popular
side.
Charged with dynamite—A party who
gets tho explosive on "tick."— Detroit
Free Press.
With the angler it is moro a matter of
knowing just when than just where to
draw the line.— Detroit Free Press.
"I tell you, travel develops a man. If
he has anything in him it's bound to
come out in travel." "Particularly ocean
travel."— Puck.
The patient horse has endured for ages,
but the patient wagon has been known
only since the intioduction of the ambu
lance.—Elmira Gazette.
She (at the piano)—" Listen I —how do
you enjoy this refrain;" lie—"Very
much. Tho more you refrain the better
I like it."— Mimical Courier.
Speak lovingly, my dear girl. If you
should have to eat your own words, you
know, they'd lastc all the better for
being sweet.— Boston, Transcript.
He—"The fools are not all dead yet."
She—"That's as true as you live." And
he couldn't understand why she empha
sized the "you."— New York Herald.
Cumso—" Jaysmith is penurious, isn't
he?" Fangle—"l should say he was!
lie won't even laugh at a joke unless it
is at some one else's expense."— Epoch.
He wns from far off England,
And ho loved with vows in sighs,
And while he dropped his "h's"
Why, tho maiden dropued hor eyes.
—Philadelphia Times.
A learned writer declares that butter
was unknown to the ancients. This
makes it harder than ever to account for
the flavor of some we have tasted.—Mer
cury.
"Gentlemen," said tho orator, "go
along our wharves from one end to the
other, and what will you find?" "Water,"
remarked the practical young man in the
crowd. — Light.
"Who is happy on this mundane
sphere," snceriugly exclaimed Pessimus.
"The girl with her first engagement
ring," triumphantly replied Optiraus.—
Jeicelers' Circular.
Judge—"Have you ever seen the pris
oner at the bar?' 1 Witness—"Never,
your honor; but I've seen him when I
strongly suspected he'd been at it."—
Binghamton Leader.
Bloodgood—"It's dreadful to suffer
from loss of memory, isn't it?" AVild
mfin —"Dunno. It depends on how
much money a fellow has borrowed."—
Burlington, Free Press.
Robinson Crusoe—"Well, Friday, what
have we for dinner to-day?" Friday—
"Goat soup, goat chops,boiled goat,roast
goat " Robinson Crusoe —"Don't,
Friday; I can't go'tl"— Puck.
A German scientist is confident that
chemistry will yet enable us to make
bread out of wood. American lumber
men not only make their bread out of it,
but their butter also.— New York Newt.
It happened one timo that a -Mr.
Fell in love with a maiden and kr.
And he said, ' - Bo my wife
And bring joy to my life!"
She said, "No, but I will bo your sr."
—Chicago Post.
Chicago Teacher—"Yes,corned beef is
one of our most famous exports. Now,
who can tell me what stands next to
corned beef?" Boston Little Boy (tri
umphantly) "Cabbage. " American
Grocer.
"Papa's Home To-night" is the title of
a new song. So the old man has yielded
at last. Let's see, it must be about fif
teen years since they began to coax him
with "Father, Dear Father, Corno Home."
Chatter.
Tho conversation turned on the danger
of being buried alive, when the youngest
toddler in the family ventured to suggest,
"Well, ma, you never will bo buried
alive. You snore so when you are
asleep."— Hartford Post.
Inventor—"l would like to interest
you in a little invention by which sheep
can be shorn by electricity." Broker
(turning tr> the ticker nnd looking at tho
quotations)—"My dear sir, that's just
what lam doing."— Texat Si/tings,