SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W, m CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
The Chicago Sun has noticed that ."lit
tie industries which heretofore have been
confined to New England, are taking
root in tho Southern States."
Tho baptisms reported in the Baptist
denomination the past ten years have
averaged 344 for every day of the ten
years, making in all 1,256,375.
Collis P. Huntington, tho many times
millionaire, lately said: "If I were a
young man with S'lo,ooo or SIOO,OOO,
I'd goto Africa and make millions in the
rubber trade."
There are 5000 insane people in the
city of New York, the New Orleans
Times-Democrat asserts, and experts on
insanity say that the ratio of lunatics is
increasing much faster than that of the
population.
Fow have any idea of tho terrible
waste of bird-life that the fashion for
birds as trimmings involves,remarks New
York Chatter. Forty millions of hum
ming-birds, sunbirds, orioles, gulls, sea
birds, waxwings, birds of paradise and
fly-catchcrs arc annually immolated to
this end.
The Chicago Post is firmly of the
opinion that "there is a good deal of the
natural savage still remaining in the civ
ilized man because won! comes from
Liberia of a white missionary who con
cluded that he would rather imitate the
savages he had been sent to convert than
to Christianize them. He has accord
ingly abandoned thu ways of civilized
life, aud is living with tho natives in
their wild state. His fellow missionaries
are profoundly astonished, but civiliza
tion has many irksome restraints, and a
savage life may have many substantial
advantages."
The reports of the crops in England
indicate that that country will require all
tho breadstuffs the United States can
send this year. British crops, th»
American Cultivator declares, are largely
injured by continued wet weather and
cold, blighting winds. The unusual
moisture has flowed fields, rotted hay
and mildewed wheat. Nothing is ripen
ing uuder tho deluge of rain. Every
year seems to make English farmers more
despondent than ever, with less pros
pect of profits. In fact, the absence of
summer is an injury to all trades as well
as agriculture.
Again has a young woman carried oil
the honors in an intellectual competition.
The Boston Herald recently ollered two
scholarships of §Bf>o and?! 100 to be paid
in four annual installments to the gradu
ates of 1890 who should write the best
composition on one of a number of sub
jects. The winners are as follows:
First prize to Miss Silvia Clark, of Pink
crton Academy, Derry, N. n., for her
composition on Hawthorne's "House of
Seven Gables;" second prize to Albert
E. Thomas, of Brockton, Mass., who
took for his topic Coleridge's poem,
"The Ancient Mariner."
The art of flying is not making any
encouraging advancement, is the verdict
of the Chicago Herald. Somebody in
vents a flying machine now and then,
but it always proves to be a failure.
Perhaps the nearest approach to success
has been attained by a German in Phila
delphia, the home of Keely, the motor
man. He weighs 160 pounds and cau
raise himself into the air with the aid of
a counter weight of eighty pounds. Yet
this is to say that only fifty per cent, of
him is able to fly, and that is only half
enough for successful Hying If this is
the best that cau be done the birds of
the air are never likely to have any
human imitators.
Just now no two countries in Europe
of any pretensions are in perfect harmony,
declares the Washington Star. The
relations between England and France,
between Germany and Russia, between
Russia and Austria, between Italy and
Austria, between Russia and Turkey, be
tween Spain and England are more or
less complicated. International jealousy
is founded on national selfishness. Just
at present the great Black Continent is
the bone over which many of the nations
are growling. France, sore over the
continued occupation of Egypt and dis
posed to make the most of her rights in
the Newfoundland dispute, revives her
old pretensions in Zanzibar and finds
support in Danish sympathy with Danish
Heligoland, in Belgic apprehension of
German aggression on the Congo State
and in Spanish uneasiness as to British
interference with Spain's programme in
Morocco.
"TREAT KVERYBOBY WELL"
••Treat everybody well;*
Thou canst not tell
The good to others done,
The good thyself shalt win;
Thou mayst hide many a sin
If hearts be won.
"Treat everybody well;"
Hot lost the smile
Which captures even guile— •
How, who may tell?
There is a subtle power
Deep hidden in the face,
iTbe tone, the way, whose grnoe
ZS7es hour on hour.
" Treat everybody well;"
Some day thon'lt bless
The long-forgot caress
"Of courteous meed,
And in thine own dark night
Kind hearts shall shed their light
Thy steps to lead.
Treat everybody well;"
Some will deride
Some will forsake thy side,
But nobler yet
AVill l>e the friends who stay,
Nor feel—dark night, clear day—
One vain regret!
—Rev. Edwin B. Russell.
TOPSY.
"He thinks more of Topsy than he
does of me?" said Huldah.
Joe Brock way laughed.
"But she is a dandy little horse, you
know,'' he said, letting his gaze wander
to whero Iluldah's Uncle Robert stood
stroking and patting Topsy. "Look at
her shape, just—"
"I know," said Iluldah. "I've heard
Uncle Robert rave about her enough.
Little head, arched neck, slender legs—"
Joe brought his hand down on his
sweetheart's with another laugh.
But Huldah °s brown eyes were lifted
seriously to his laughing blue ones.
"What's tho matter?" he said gaily.
"Well, I'm not adamant exactly, Joe,"
said Huldah, slowly. "I'm not a fossil.
And it's hard to have an uncle who cares
as much for a horse as he does for you,
and to hear nothing but horse talk from
morning till night, and to get so lone
some sometimes you just don't know
what to do! Oh, Joe," Huldah mur
mured meekly. "I ought not to say it!
I don't know what's the matter with me.
I—I—"
And Jo£ Brockway heard a stifled sob,
saw a swishing skirt, and found himself
alone on the front steps.
"Huldah!" ho cried, and gave chase.
Through the hall he ran, and into the
sitting-room and the kitchen, and then
out into the back yard and around the
house, sending two dozing cats wildly
fleeing, and going through Iluldah's
petunia-bed.
"Hang it!" he cried, coming?to a baf
fled stop, with reddened face and dis
heveled hair.
His good-looking countenance showed
a little wrath, considerable distress, and
some indecision.
"I believe I'll tell her this minute 1"
he muttered. "WhatH she say about
Topsy then? Little simpleton—dear lit
tle simpleton 1"
But after a mament's reflection ho
walked toward the barn, where Huldah's
Uncle Robert was still engaged', with
Topsy.
Huldah had fled up stairs to herd)ed
room. There she sat with her face hid
den in a fol£ of her dress, and. her tears
soaking the starch out of it.
Oh, dear! oh, dear! What was she
crying about? Everything!
It was her Uncle Robert, for one
thing. He was kiad, of course. But if
he were cot quite so wrapped up in that
new trotter, if he ever woald talk to her
about ahything else—about ht;rown poor
little affairs, for instance—aaid slay in
the house sometimes instead of'the barn 1
What did he want of Topsy, anyhow?
Huldah wished he had neverween her.
For since Joe had taken a partnership
in a hardware store in Wakj.'ly, it was
doubly lonesome for her horeun Cheever.
Ah! she hadn't been quite fair in let
ting Joe think her tears were'all for her
Uncle Robert.
Since Joe had gone to Wakely ! Wako
ly was such a lively place, with posses
sions of which Cheever had never
dreamed—an "opera house," andapark,
with a fine band pavilion. And pretty
girls—W akely was noted for its pretty
girls!
What was the matter with her? Was
he not her own true lover? Had he not
devoted many a half day to coming
home to see her? Wasn't he home for
that purpose now?
And still Huldah sobbed on.
She was tired and nervous, she re
flected, dismally. Doing all the house
work and canuing strawberries at the
tame time had been too much for her,
she supposed; and she had not felt well
lately, besides.
And she gathered up a fresh corner of
her gown and cried harder.
She did not know how long she staid
there. But when she went down stairs
at last there was nobody in sight or
hearing.
She had expected to find thft Joe
had gone; but where was her Uncle
Robert?
The table showed a masculine litter
of cold greens and lemon pic. Oh! and
here was a note pinned to the table
cloth:
"Am going to Wakely. Be back early."
Wakely—what for? Oh, yesl Hul
dah divined in an instant. There was a
man in Wakely giving an exhibition of
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 1890.
borae training, Joe had told her;
and of course Joe had gone back with
him.
Was he angry with her, Huldah won
dered ? And was her Uncle Robert dis
pleased because she had neglected his
supper? If they were she deserved it.
She was a poor, lachrymose, disagree
able thing—she, Huldah Spencer, who
had had a reputation for brightness and
prettiness.
She went and sat down on the back
porch. She did not want any supper.
How could she eat with that lump in
her throat? She sat looking out into
the pleasant June evening, deso
lately.
But a spark of interest came into her
eyes, suddenly. The square hole in the
side of the barn which marked the posi
tion of Topsy's stall, and from which
her trim little head was usually poking
itself—it was empty.
Waiting for a time in the expectation
of seeing the head, Huldah went into the
kitchen and to tho nail where hung the
barn-key, and then out to the barn.
Yes, Topsy's stall was empty, and so
was Dan's—Dan being the old sorrel her
Uncle Robert always drove.
Where was Topsy? Her Uncle Rob
ert never drove Topsy. Besides, Dan was
gone. And he never lent her. What
had become of her?
Huldah was in a tremble. Topsy—if
it had been anything but Topsy! Had
she been stolen? Had shejgot loose and
run away? The door had been locked,
but there was tho big back door into the
barnyard. Something had happened
while she had been blubbering upistairs.
What would her uncle ■ Robert say—
do?
Huldah was pale and panic stricken.
Oh, dear! What should!- she do?
Hardly knowing whaUshe was doing,
sho hurried out into the road, aud
bending low, studied the*hoof prints in
dust.
All tending westward wore half oblit
erated; those turning east, or in the di
rection of Wakely, w<cre fresh, and llul
dan mechonically walked eastward.
To what cud? If Topsy had broken
her halter and frisked up -the road, Hul
dah thought she might ovortake her.
If sho had been stolen and - ridden away
at a foaming trot—
But Huldah could not have sat still;
she could not have waited. Doing some
thing was better than doing nothing.
She might find some trace.of her.
Her anxiety left her no choice.
went Breathlessly tramping on up the
dusty road.
She thought sho had'Vbeen unhappy
before, but now she was miserable.
She was confused, too, inther misery.
She had gone a quarter of a mile be
fore it occurred to her that* sho had left
the house uulockcd, as well as the
barn.
But what were the spoons or butter
dish compared with Topsy. Oh, dear!
She was glad it was getting dark, no
body would recognize her. Hut even
so, people stared at the hurrying, bare
headed girl and wondered.
Ouco or twice she mustered courago
to ask it Topsy had been seen; but no
body had soen her.
She felt like a tramp,andlshe supposed
she looked like one. Was she going to
cry again? She would not. But if any
other calamity had befallen her than los
ing Topsy—anything. And it was her
fault, her negligence.
Once she thought she saw her crop
ping the grass by the roadside, and her
heart bounded; but it was only a peace
ful red cow.
At the next half-mile stone she was
sure she saw Topsy ahead of her, with
the thief on her back; but it was Hiram
White, on his old rackabones, with a
bag of grist.
She was getting tired at last. She
had raced along in such a frightened
heat, that she had not thought of dis
tance.
But where was sho? Why, almost to
Benton's Corners—almost two miles.
And houses were scarce here.
Huldah glanced around her fearfully.
How dark it was gettiog.
Still she pressed on. The thought
that it was Topsy sho was searching for
spurred her.
But she was growing weak. Her
anxiety and her long tramp and her
nervous fears here on this lonely road
were more than sho had bargained for.
She found herself trembling.
Poor Huldah! her faithful, grieved
little heart swelled with despair.
She peered ahead. Nothing and no
body to be seen; no Topsy.
A light gleamed from a house far
ahead iu a ghostly way, and an owl
hooted away off in the woods.
Oh, what was that? It was only a
friendly stray cat rubbing against her,
but it was too much for Huldah in her
strained state.
Sho recoiled in fright and gasped, and
then sitting down on a smooth, flat stone
near by, tritd to smile—strove to rally
her gathering senses, and quietly fainted
away.
She was not on the stone when she
came to herself. Joe Brockway was on
the stone, and she was in Joe's arms.
She rcmembeicd it all in a minute,
and was indignantly ashamed of herself.
She sat up suddenly and rigidly and
stared. Yes, Joe was holding her, and
her Uncle Robert waj kneeling beside
her, with his florid face whitened and a
lantern in his hand,and the buggy stood
in the road.
"Huldah," Joe was gasping, "what is
it, dear—what is it? Uow did you come
here? Huldah—"
"I thought you'd gone to Wakely,
Joe," Huldaki said, tremulously, at
which her Uncle Robert gave an excited
laugh.
4, 1 swow she's all right!" he ejacu
lated. "Huldy, we've beea scairt out of
our -' its. Why, -we thought you'd lost
your senses, wandering around like this.
We come mighty near not seeing you,
neither."
"No, no!" cried Huldah, passing her
hand over her dazed eyes.
And then, struggling to her feet, she
nerved herself for the worst.
''l came clear up here trying to find
Topsy/'she faltered. "She's lost, Un
cle Robert! She's either got loose or been
stolen, and it's my fault!"
"Lost!" Joe cried. "There she
stands ift the thills."
"Is that Topsy?" Huldah gasped, and
her Uncle Robert laughed again.
"I swan, you are all right!" he re
peated. "That's Topsy, sure. Help her
into the buggy here, Joe, and let's get
this thing untangled a little. Tramped
for two miles did you, Huldyt"
"You poor little girl!" Joe murmured.
"Huldah, how could you? And Topsy
right as a trigger! nuldah, do you
know where you've been and what you've
been for?"
They were in the buggy, and Topsy
—yes, Topsy—was trotting toward
Cheever as only Topsv could trot. But
Huldah could not free her cold little hand
from Joe's.
"Yes, tell her the hull thing," said
Uncle Robert, explosively.
"Huldah," said Joe, and his voico
trembled a little, "we've been to Wakely
to get a marriage license—our marriage
license, Huldah. It was a surprise, you
sec—it's a surprise we've been planning
for weeks. You've beon working too
hard, and we both knew it, and I made
up my mind to take you right out of it
whether you agreed or not, and take you
off for a good solid rest with me. What
was the use of our waiting till next
winter? That was your idea—'twasn't
mine. You've worked yourself to a
shadow almost, and lately you haven't
been well, cither. So I got up this
little scheme several weeks ago, and
your uncle fell right in with it—"
"Like a thousand of bricks?" said
Undo Robert. "Didn't relish the idea
of letting you go, Huldy. but it had to
come some time, and I knew what was
for your good. So I went and bought
Topsy. It was jest on your account I
bought Topsy, Iluldv. I had au eye on
her for a good while. wan't in
good condition, you see, and the man
sold her cheap, and I says to Joe, 'l'll
buy that mare. If there ain't a few hun
dreds of clear money in her I don't know
my own name. Fed up and took care
of, she'll be a valuable horse. I'll buy
her,'says I, 'and sell her in six mouths
for twico what I'll pay, and that'l be for
Huldy,'says I. And I've done it. I've
took care of her faithful, and I've been
offered a splendid price for her already.
Aud it's youis. That's what I've meant
all along, Iluldy."
"It was week after next wo meant to
spring our little surprise," her lovercon
cludcd. but when you took on so to-night,
why, it frightened me, and I vowed I
wouldn't wait another minute. I per
suaded Mr. Spencer, and we were oil'
within ten minutes. So now it's plain
about Topsy, isn't it, dear? And the li
cense we've been after—Huldah, do you
know that Joseph Brock way, twenty-five,
and Huldah Spencer, twenty-one, are go
ing to bo married to-morrow, and have a
long enough wedding trip to cure the
worst case of nervous prostration going?"
and he kissed her soundly.
For awhile Huldah could not trust her
self to speak.
And when she did, though her voice
was softly tearful; it was only to say:
"How did you come to take Topsy?
And whore was Dan?,'
"Oh, Hinckley borrowed Dan this
afternoon I But I reckon we'd 'a took
Topsy anyhow on this occasion—eh,
Joe? We was in a kind of a hurry this
time, Joe and me!"
"Well," said Huldah, with a quiver
ing breath, "I've been a goose about
everything—such a goose! But, Joe, I
can't bo married to-morrow—not to
morrow, Joe, I can't!"
"You can and will be, my dear!" said
Joe, masterfully.
"Got to be I" said Uncle Robert.
And she was; and came back—to a
little house in Wakely—looking like a
rose in bloom.— Saturday Night.
Ciphers Easy to Read.
Communications in cipher are not so
secret as many persons suppose. Noth
ing has amazed the London Times people
more than the discoveiy of the secret
cipher with which they communicated
with George Kirby in America when Mr.
Kirby was engaged in negotiating with
Sheridan. It was an alphabetical cipher,
and was so very cleverly constructed that
it seemed to defy detection. ButLabou
chere once declared that ho would un
ravel any cipher that was put before him,
and Archbishop Walsh is quite as clever
at this kind of thing, it would seem, as
Mr. Labouchere. Ciphers, in fact, arc
not very difficult to detect. On one Lon
don paper, for example, every advertise
ment which goes in in cipher is read be
fore it appears, and the work is not, as a
rule, found to be very difficult. There
is sometimes great amusement in the un
raveling of these presumably secret
methods of communication.— Ne%o Yorl
Journal.
Every man should have an aim tn life,
but he shouldn't spend too much time
aiming. The quick shot gets the clay
pigeon when the trap is sprung— Somer
vi&t Journal. 1
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
It is said that the hop vine is the best
substitute for rags in the manufacture of
paper. The vine pulp possesses great
length, strength, flexibility and delicacy.
A weak galvanic current, which will
sometimes cure a toothache, may be
generated by placing a silver coin on one
side of the gum and a piece of zinc on
the other. Rinsing the mouth with
acidulated water will increase the cfleet.
M. Fouque, the mineralogist, claims to
have discovered in a mixture of copper
and lime the beautiful color azurrino, the
composition of which has so long been a
puzzle to artists. His tint is said to be
perfectly unchangeable, and is identical
with the famous Alexandrine blue.
From experiments by Dr. Ledenfeld
on sponges, it appears that absorption of
food does not take place at the outer sur
face, but in the interior. When poisons
are putin the water, the sponge contracts
its pores, and the action is very like that
of poisons on muscles of the higher ani
mals.
Dr. Dixon, Professor of Hygiene at
the University of Pennsylvania, lias been
making some experiments with air and
dust obtained in street cars. He has
found in them the germs of many dis
eases, contagious and otherwise. Better
ventilation and more effective cleansing
are sorely needed.
A remarkable invention has been made
in Austria, whereby the serious effects of
railway collisions \re prevented. Glass
tubes project before the train, and if
they are broken by an obstacle, an
electric movement is applied to the
brakes, bringing tke train immediately
to a standstill.
The"L" road companies in New York
are doing their utmost just now to mini
mize the noise made by their trains, and
on some of the roads they hrwe suc
ceeded, but they are still l'ar from having
the noiseless trains which so delight the
heart of the traveler in Berlin, and the
service has a great many tacks.
Experiments mado in Sweden by M.
Sandberg on the strength of iron rails
during the winter have -Siown that steel
rails containing over four per cent, of
carbon are apt to break in cold weather.
In fact, the result of his investigations
points to the use of rails having less car
bon in countries as cold in winter as Nor
way and Sweden.
An electric motor is in successful
operation for wood-sawing in Lewiston,
Me. It is a six-horse power and with a
twenty-six inch saw, which was driven
at a velocity of 1450 revolutions per
minute. The proprietor claims that with
a six-horse power electric motor he can
do more work than with a ten-horse
power steam engine.
The heart contracts with power enough
to send a column of blood seven and a
half to nine feet high. At every beat of
a heart of average size and strength, the
force exerted is equal to moving ovcrtifty
pounds; or to lifting a pound weight
upward a distance of three and a half to
four and a half feet, say four feet; or to
carrying four pouuds, one foot upward.
Professor Samuel Cushman, apiarist of
the Khode Island agricultural experiment
station, maintains, as the result of
personal observation, that bees do uo
damage to growing or fair fruit. The
juice of fruit is, in fact, injurious to
them; and they do notattack sound fruit,
but only bruised fruit, or that which has
been previously injured by othor insects.
A beet sugar manufactory, with a ca
pacity of 400 tons a day, is said to be
almost completed at Grand Island, Neb.
The beet has sixteen per cent, of sugar,
and fanners realize §6O per acre at $4
per ton for the root. The diffusion pro
cess of extracting the saccharine principle
is used. In a fourteen-battery circuit it
is claimed that the remarkable result of
98.8 per cent, of the sugar can be ex
tracted.
The compressed air chisel was first
brought into use in this country. An
improved form is now being used in
Europe by stone dressers, sculptors and
metal workers. The economy of labor
compared with the hand chisel is about
four or fivefold. At the same time the
surface cut by the compressed air chisel
is cleaner and smoother than is possible
with the hand chisel. This is especially
the case with granite. The new instru
ment is said to be of great service in
metal-working and wood-working.
Catching Rattlesnakes for Oil.
There are places in South Georgia
where men extract oil from the rattle
snake and use it to cure rheumatism.
These persons will give a colored man $1
to point out a rattlesnake to them, and
then they kill it in a peculiar manner.
They place a forked stick over the snake's
head, then put a cord around it and
strangle the snake. This is done to keep
the snake from biting itself. The body
of the reptile is then strung up and the
oil extracted from it. It sells at $2 pet
ounce, and this industry is a very profit
able one. The snakes in that section are
very large, averaging five feet in length,
and one rattler gives up a great deal of
oil. A little negro boy once saw two
rattlers lying close together, and wanted
to get the money for finding them. It
was a mile to the nearest house. He was
afraid the snakes would crawl off while
he was gone, and so took off his coat and
placed it betweon the t.wo snakes. He
went off, came back, and found them
still eyeiug the coat. He had them
charmed. So the snake is cultivated
down there as a profitable industry.—
Atlanta Constitution.
NO. 46.
DIVIDED.
If thou wert by my side, dear love,
And x could walk with thee.
The path unto the mountain crest,
No toil would seem to me.
But now my feet walk wearily,
And heavy are mine eyes,
And dread and dark the winding way,
That leadeth to the skies.
Yet if thou wert beside me, love,
My hand within thine own,
Perchance my weight would hold thee back,
Tho' thou canst win alone.
Thou mightest stumble, following me;
Or, loitering by the way,
Seeking the sweets and flowers, my feet
Might tempt thine own to stray.
But now by different paths, my love,
We seek the self-same goal,
So far apart no check am I, •
No hindrance to thy soul,
And tho' my heart doth ache for thea
My lips for thy lips long,
I see tbea toiling upward still,
And hush my pain with song.
And when upon the mountain crest,
We stand where souls are free,
The bliss that doth elude us now,
Must come to theo and mo.
Not one brief thrill of joy, of pain—
One smile, in tears to end.
But an eternal crown of love.
When soul with soul shall blend.
—Annie L. Brakenridge, in Housewife.
IIUMOIt OF THE DAY.
Nevermind—Bad children.
In summer weather the felt hat is felt
hot.
Moses came early; but he didn't avoid
the rushes.
"Oh, you darling old papa!" "Y-e-e-s
—dress or bonnet?"— Ashland'Press.
An empty larder outfit to be enough
to keep the wolf from the door.— Texas
Si/tings.
Tho sailor never goes ''around, ♦lie
Horn" when he is ashore, lie goes
straight for it.— Puck.
Ice is expensive everywhere this season.
Even tho icebergs in the Atlantic are re
ported unusually high.— Boston. Herald.
Lady (searching for burglars)—" Here,
Bridget, you let down the folding bed
and then I'll look under it."—Chautau
yuan.
"Now, then," inquires a Canadian
paper, "what is a crank?" AVhy, the
other fellow,of course.— St. Paul Pioneer-
Press.
"Ho is too lazy togo sleep." "Oh!
the idea." "Fact, nevertheless. He
just simply falls asleep."— Terre Haute
Express.
The schoolma'arn se 'ks vacation's joys.
Her labor being clone,
And she who tanne I the little boys
Is now tanned by the sun.
—Boston Courier.
Exchanging Confidences.—Clara—"l
have such a horror of growing old."
Maud (sweetly)—"l should think you
would have got over it by this time."—
Drake's Majazine.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow!" she
quoted. The young man blushed
nervously. "You're right," he replied,
"I'll goto the barber's next time!"—
American. Grocer.
Mr. Carpenter—"That was a nice slip
ot the tongue you made introducing me
to those young ladies as Mr. Carter." Mr.
Tom Bigbee—"Well, I should call it a
slip of the pen."— Puck."
Judge—"What sort of a man, now,
was it whom you saw commit the as
sault?" Constable—"Shure, yer honor,
he was a small, insignificant craytliur—
about yer own size."— Chatter.
Madame Hautry—"You the singing
master! But we do not want a singing
master!" Herr Pumpernickel—"Bardon;
de latv next door toldt me you vanted
one badly—she sent me!"— Judge.
"You've been riding a bicycle, I hear,"
said one department clerk to another
"Just for exercise, you know.""lt has
reduced your weight some, I think."
"Yes, I have fallen off a great deal."—
Washington Post.
A—"A more deserving medical mau
than our friend Richard does not exist.
He very frequently accepts no fees from
his patients!" B—"You don't say so?"
A—"For he gennerally settles with the
heirs."— Fliegende Blaetter.
"Are you aware, sir, said the man in
the rear fiercely, "that your umbrella is
poking me in the eye?" "It isn't my
umbrella," replied the man just in front
with equal fierceness. "It's a borrowed
one, sir!"— Chicago Tribune.
Young Husband—"What? You are
twenty-five years old to-day? Why, you
told me a year ago, just before the wed
ding, that you were only twenty." Young
Wife (wearily)—"Ah, yes, I have aged
rapidly since I married."— La Galois.
A.—"Did you hear that the thief and
desperado, Buckshot Jack, had been
killed?" B.—"No. Died with his boots
on, I suppose." A.—"No, indeed. He
died with another man's boots on.
Kobbed a shoe store."— Texas Siftings.
In describing the murder of a man
Jorkins, a reporter, thus commented on
the event:"The murderer was evidently
in quest of money, but luckily Mr. Jor
kins deposited all his funds in the bank
the day before, so that he lost nothing
but his life."— Birmingham Post.
Wife (delighted)—" What! home
through the summer shower? But where
did you get that lovely piece of ice?"
Husband (exultantly)—"lt's a hailstone
which just fell in our front yard, and we
can pay off our mortgage with it."—
Chicago Tvmcs,