SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W. M, CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
The Louisville Times is authority for
the statement that nine out of ten crimi
nals are bow-legged.
The Judge-Advocate-General, of New
"York, has decided that the militiamen
cannot be compelled to attend divine
service.
The New Orleans Timet-Democrat as
serts, that of the 988 colleges, with their
150,000 students, registered at Washing
ton, two-thirds now open their doors to
women. ______
The Chicago Sun reports, that San
Antonio, Texas, is the objective point ol
a good many capitalists, who see in the
immense water-power near it, immense
capabilities for cheap manufacturing. In
addition to this, natural gas has been
ound in paying quantities, and will be
piped to the city.
The Italian Prime Minister, Signor
Crispi, recently gave most extraordinary
evidence in the Chamber of Deputies of
his superstition regarding the evil eye.
Signor Imbriani, having alluded to Signot
Crispi's life as necessarily terminable,
tho latter fumbled in his pocket, drew
out one of tho horn-shaped pieces of cora 1
used in Naples as a counter spell against
the "jettatura," and openly pointed it at
the speaker.
The London StatUt, a recognized
statistical authority, places the present
annual production of silver in the world
at 130,000,000 ounces, and presents the
following estimate of the average annual
cousureption:
Used in the arts .... 20,000,000 oz
Used for European nd other
taken coinages ....... 20,000,000 oz.
Taken for India 30,000,000 oz.
Taken for China, Japan .md
the East 10.000,000 oz.
Purchased by United States
Government 30,000,000 oz.
Total 110,000,000 oz.
The fact that many of the natives of
Nice are dying of consumption proves
very clearly, observes the New York
News, the deleterious effect of the
residence of pulmonary patients in any
place. It is only within the last few
years that science has demonstrated the
deadly character of the expectoration and
the breath of consumptives. Many have
flouted this, but the remarkable number
of deaths on the Riviera, which has
always been noted for its healthfulness,
goes far to bear out the theory of the
experts. As Nice, Mentone, San lie mo
and other places on the Riviera depend
almost wholly upon tourists for their
support it will be impossible for them to
bar the class which brings them in so
much coin. It is a literal case of life and
death for them.
Few people are aware of the enormous
expense incurred in taking the census.
The population of the United States in
1790 amounted to 3,920,214, and the
cost of the census was $44,377. This
represents a cost per capita of 1.12 cents
In 1880 the population amounted to
50,155,782, and the cost of the census
was $5,802,752, showing a cost per capita
of 11.75 cents, more than ten times the
cost per capita of the census of 1790.
The amount appropriated for the census
of 1890 is §0,000,000, exclusive ol
printing, engraving and binding, to be
expended in gathering so much varied
information. Ileucc the eleventh census
must be considerably more expensive
than the tenth census. The number of
volumes in the census of 1880 were
twenty-four, as compared with one vol
ume in the census of 1790.
Ida Lewis, the heroine of Lime Rock
Lighthouse, who has saved the lives ol
so mauy persons, receives irom the Gov
ernment a salary of >s7so a year and twe
tons of coal. When her father became
paralytic she was made custodian of the
light for life. In appreciation of her
heroic efforts in saving live 3 she has a
gold medal from the United States Treas
ury Department, three silver meuals from
the State of Khode Island, one from the
Humane Society of Massachusetts and an
other from the New York Life-Saving
Association. It was in 1809 that Gen
eral Grant presented her the splendid life
boat Rescue, which she now has. James
Fisk, Jr., built a boat-house for it and
also sent the heroine a silk flag made by
Mrs. McFarland, of New York. Mis*
Lewis is a member of Sorosis, and was
presented a gold brooch by that organ
ization. She also has a number of valua
ble articles from private individuals, and
a token that she much appreciates was a
keg of maple sugar and a box of oatmeal
from a poor man io the West.
SYCAMORES IN BLOOM.
Like flame-wingM harps the seed bloom* lie
Amid the shadowy sycamores.
The music of each leaflet's sigh
Thrills them continually.
The small harps of the sycamores.
Small birds innumerable find rest
And shelter 'midst the sycamores.
Their songs (of love in a warm soft neat)
Are faintly echoed east and west
By the red harps o' the sycamores.
Tho dewfall and the starshine make
Amidst the shadowy sycamores
Sweet delicat" strains; the gold beams shake
The loaves at morn, and swift awake
The small harps of the sycamores.
O sweet Earth's music everywhere.
Though faint as in the sycamores;
Sweet when buds burst, birds pair:
Sweet when as thus there wave in the air
The red harps of the sycamores.
William Sharp, in Harper.
A PRISONER OF WAR,
BY HEI.EN FORREST GRAVES.
"There she comes now," cried Kitty
Coram, standing on tiptoo to peep over
the great gate in front of the old brick
house.
And Georgie, her elder sister, came
flying up the snowy path, with cheeks
like roses, brown eyes that sparkled mer
rily, and a huge, flat parcel under her
arm.
"Do I look like the town carrier?" she
demanded, jubilantly. "Oh, I have run
so fast from the train, to ggt into the
wood-path before the grand sleigh from
Ormjstan Hall overtook me. I can't bear
Mrs. Ormistan to put up her eye-glasses
at mo and drawl out, 'How do you do,
ma dcah? How's your deah awnt?"
"Well, Georgie, what luck?"
"Oil, splendid," the new arrival
breathlessly responded. "Seven yards
of three-inch deep embroidery on white
merino. And we're to get a dollar a
yard, if it suits."
"Seven dollars!" repeated Kitty. "A
deal of money, isn't it? But how we
shall have to work for it!"
"It's a world of work," responded the
elder girl, clapping her cold hands to re
store tho circulation and making haste to
unfasten the collar of her black cloth
coat. "How nice the fire looks. Just
like a picture. AVhat a blessing it is that
our wood doesn't cost us anything!"
"Oh, by-the-way," said Kitty, "old
Gilos wanted to chop down the big,black
oak tree next."
"What! The big one on tho edge of
the swamp? To cut it down! Is he a
Goth, or a Vandal?"
"Just what I said. It's the only tree
in the neighborhood that has mistletoe
growing all over it. I wouldn't lose that
beautiful old tree for a hundred dollars!"
"Neither would I," said Georgie,drily.
"Especially as I don't know of anybody
who would offer us a hundred dollars for
it."
Just at that moment, by one of those
strange coincidences which are more
common in this world thau people have
any idea of, old Jane, the rheumatic
servant, came hobbling to the door.
"Does Auuty Anne want us, Jane?"
cried eager Gcorgie. "I'm going to her
directly."
" 'Tnin't your aunt, miss," said Jane.
"It's Mr. Miles, the footman, from
Ormistan Hall."
Georgie turned, with glittering eyes,
to her sister.
"I told you so," she whispered.
"We're going to be invited, after all, to
the party."
"And he says," droned on Jane, "his
missus wants to know what you'll take
for all the dark-green shiny leaves—
mistletoe, you calls 'em, doesn't you?—
on the big swamp oak. They want it for
decorations."
A sudden change passed over Georgie's
face, such as comes across a landscape
when the sun retires behind a cloud.
Kitty froze visibly also.
"Tell Mr. Miles, from Ormistan Hall,"
said Georgie, "to givo my compliments
—Miss Coram's—to his mistress, and say
that the mistletoe is not for sale."
Old Jane withdrew. Georgie and
Katy stood looking at each other.
"Oh, Gcorgie,"said the younger,"did
you want so much togo? But I told
you how it would be; they never had the
least idea of inviting us. We don't be
long to the enchanted circle."
"Yet they brought Colonel Hay here
in wild strawberry time to spend the day
down by the Moss Rocks," said Georgie,
in a slightly tremulous voice. "And
they always bring picnic parties here in
summer togo over the old house and
row on our lake."
"We are a convenience," said Kitty.
"We are not on Miss Ormiston's regular
visiting list."
"But I did think that Colonel Hay
would have called, after all he said that
day," softly murmured Georgie.
"And so he would, you may be very
sure," said Kitty, "if Dorinda Ormiston
would have let him. She's a deal too
politic Georgie dear, to let him contrast
her thirty-year-old complexion and
pale-blue eyes with your roses and spar
kles."
"Well, it doesn't matter much now,"
said Georgie, mournfully. "I dare say
he has forgotten us—there's no earthly
reason why he should'nt. Now I must
go up to Aunty Anne's and tell her all
my adventures in New York."
For old Miss Coram sat up in hei
room, neatly embroidering flannel foi
1 an order from the South. A lady bore
I and bred, yet she saw no degradation in
these bread-earning tasks.
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 22, 1890.
"It's hard on the girls," said the.
"For their sakes, I could wish that the i
Corams had retained somewhat of their 1
old prosperity. But for an old woman ■
like me, it doesn't 'matter."
Meanwhile, at Ormistan Hall, Miss
Dorinda was superintending the decora
tions of the great saloon parlor, which
was to be made a dancing-room of, on
the occasion of the impending ball.
"Spruce boughs and hemlocks are all
very well in their way," said she, "but
how I do wish I'd thought, when I was
in New York this morning, to get some
of that lovely, shadowy mistletoe tho
vendors were selling on Fourteenth
street I"
"It comes horridly dear I" said Mrs.
Ormistan, with the offending lorgnette
held up to her eyes.
"But the effect is so lovely I"
"Mistletoe!" repeated Colonel Hay,
who was half-way up a stepladder,
draping a United States flag over the
doorway. "Why, I saw a whole tree full
as we drove from the station. I could
easily get it for you."
"Could you?" Miss Ormistan's palo
eyes glistened. "But we couldn't think
of troubling you?"
"It wouldn't be tho least troublo in
tho world," said tho gallant cavalier.
"I'm a regular cat for climbing."
"Yes, but Mrs. Ormistan began,
when sho was checked by a glance from
her daughter, who afterward explained
her policy.
"Let him get it, mamma," said fair
Dorinda, "it will keep him from flirting
with tho Fairlie girls, and give him
something to do. And he isn't supposed
to comprehend how disobliging the Co
ram's are. For all he knows, the tree is
in our woods; and the mistletoe will
produce such an effect against the pink
gray walls!"
So Colonel Hay went foraging, with
blithe step and careless whistle, little
knowing what he did.
"I wonder," ho mused to himself, as
he strode along, "whereabouts those
pretty Miss Coiams live? It was some
where in this direction that Miss Dorinda
took me that summer day. I should like
to call on them while I'm down at the
Hall. That tallest Miss Coram had a
face like the Sistine Madonna. I've al-
ivays secretly wished to see it again.
[ do hope they'll be at Dorinda's party.
Halloa! here's my old mistletoe tree, and
;he ladder lying under it, too. Well, 1
should do discredit, to my school-boj
training if I couldn't climb any tree go.
ng under such conditions as thin!"
Ijike a squirrel he sprang up tho lad r
ler and made his way into tho uppa
soughs of the tree, clipping bunch afta
junch of the lovely green parasite fron
;he honry-gray trunk and flinging then
lown on the frozen surface of the snov
oelow.
It was a most fascinating business, fo
jven as he climbed, some still mori
:empting cluster gleamed higher up.
The sun, red and round as an orange
poised itself for a second on the serratei
jdge of the woods, and then ritppe
iown, leaving a warm glow where, bu
flow, tho level light had streamed—and
Umost in an instant, as it were, the who!
landscape seemed steeped in a sober pui
pie.
"It's growing dark," said Coloni
Hay, to himself. "I believe I'd bettt
come down."
At the same moment a clear, fres
young voice—a mezzo-soprano of tl
most approved type—called scornful
out:
"I've caught you, have I? A thief!
wonder Miss Ormistan could countenan
such a contemptible action as this! Wh
do you know I could put you in jail 112
this? Stealing my mistletoe in broi
daylight! But I won't have you arrestee
I'll simply teach you a lesson. You m
stay up in that tree and consider it,
your leisure, until I get ready to let yi
como down."
And, balancing the ladder lightly
her strong, young shoulder, Qeorj
Coram walked off with the ease and coi
posure of a nineteenth century Amaze
leaving the gallant colonel transfixed wi
dismay.
"It's tho Madonna I" he said to hi
self. "I'd know that face anywhere
and the sweet, full voice! What d<
she mean? I can't be trespassing,
Miss Ormistan would have warned me.
it a joke? or does she really mean
leave me up here to freeze to death?
too far to jump, and I don't dare tor
a slide down the trunk. Well, thei
no help for it—l must just wait h
until assistance arrives on the scene,
pretty predicament! Whew! how
west wind shrieks across the frozen la
Going to teach me a lesson is she? W
I'm learning it!"
"Oh, Georgie, how could you!" rr
the more pacific Kitty, wnen she he
her sister's tale of triumph. "Why
poor man will freeze!"
"He needed heroic treatment,"
Georgie, her brown eyes shining m
fully. "The idea of his daring to
our beloved mistletoe!"
"But I dare say he only obeyed
Ormistan'B orders!" pleaded Kitty.
"Then he must take the conseq
ces," retorted Cteorgie. "But it isg
ing awfully, awfully cold since sui
and if you'll go with me, Kitty, I'll
the ladder back and let him come d<
Bee how bright the moon is shining]
will be a regular adventure!"
"Poor Milos!" said Kitty, laugl
"He'll have the worst kind of a rhe
tism to-morrow."
"I didn't think of that," said per
Georgie.
And, standing under the tree
, called out io her sweet soprano vok
" Miles! Miles! here's tne ladder I Yon
nay come down now. I trust that this
lttle incident may make an impression
aj you in the future I"
Slowly the culprit descended.
"And, Miles," added Georgie, as his
f<ot touched the top round of the lad
dr, < 'my sister and I have brought you
a tail of hot coffee to drink, so that you
w»n't take cold. I wish you no harm,as
I presume you only obeyed your mis
tnfes's orders, but it's time you learned
tcdiscriminate between our grounds and
ttese of Ormistan Hall."
f'Thanks, awfully!" said a deep voice,
aithe Colonel drank long and deep of
Ue fragrant fluid; "only I haven't any
ristress, and I don't obey any one's or
ders, and I hadn't any idea I was be
j>nd the limits of the Ormistan prop
cty. All the same, I'm sure I beg
prdon if I've been trespassing."
"It's—Colonel—Hay!" shrieked Geor
ge-
"Yes, that's my name," said the gal
kit officer.
Georgie would have fled promptly frorc
tb scene, but more self-possessed Kittj
dtained her by main force.
l lMy sister is under a misapprehen
smi," explained she. "She supposed yov
wqe Miss Ormistan's footman; and th<
trj is really ours, and we have declined
tolct Miss Ormistan gather the mistle
to."
•And oh, I'm so sorry!" falterec
Gsrgie. "What must you think o:
ml"
'That you've done exactly right," said
Ctonel Hay, melting visibly under th<
trobled light of the lovely hazel eyes
"112 course I was the trespasser, and Ide
sered all I got—and—and—"
'But you are shivering," cried Georgie
"h, what have I done!"
'Perhaps," suggested the artful Colo
nt, "if you would allow me to wait
hoe with you and get a little warm—'
'Oh!" buttered Georgie, her color va
rjig enchantingly in the moonlight, "ii
yc. only would. Then I should know
thj you had forgiven me."
olonel Hay went back to tho old
brjc house with the two girls and sat in
thorangc glow of the great hickory logi
anovas introduced to Aunty Anne, and
drtk more coffee and enjoyed him
selthoroughly. And when he returnee
to rmistan Hall he carried all the clus
terof mistletoe with him, as a present
to (iss Dorinda.
Hut you'll never, never tell her how
cWlfully I behaved?" pleaded Georgie.
'Never!" asserted the Colonel.
"You promiser' urgert ueorge.
"I promise," reiterated the colonel.
Miss Dorinda thought his prolonged
)sence very strange. She thought it
ill stranger when the colonel strolled
/er to the Coram place the next day,
id the next, and still the next.
"I—do—believe—he's falling in lovj
ith that insignificant little countrj
rl!" said she, with a black cloud on hei
irehead.
As for Georgie, she could scarcely
nderstand what it all meant.
"After my leaving him to perish witt
old that night," said she, with carmint
<heeks and sparkling eyes, "I shoulc
,hink he'd hate me!"
"I shouldn't," said smiling Kitty.
in Operation to Help Piano Players
A public experiment was made recent
yat Steck Hall, in East Fourteentl
itreet, New York city, in the "liberatiot
if the ring finger." This is an operatioi
which consists of cutting the accessor}
<lips of the ring finger, and the purpos<
is to give it greater flexibility and free
lom of movement and additiona
strength for playing the piano. Thi
jperation was performed on a little girl.
A. portion of the hand is benumbered bj
\ spray of ether, cocaine is injected anc
the slips are cut with a lancet. A dla
strain of the child's hand was made befori
the operation and another after it, anc
they showed that the hand, when ex
tended as far as possible, was able t<
reach about an inch farther than before
while the ring finger could be lifted haL
[in inch or mure higher. The child saic
that it did not hurt her, and a few hour:
later the only external signs of tht
operation were two tiny wounds, as of i
needle, on each hand, when the band
ngcs were taken off.
Another child, Carrie Bowes, agi
twelve, was also present. She had he:
lingers liberated in this way four year,
(tgo and gave illustrations, to show tha
the gain in strength and flexibility wai
permanent. This was shown by playinf
the piano, by the grasp of the hand 01
mechanical instruments and by raisin;
the finger, even when held down by i
spring.— Once-a- Week.
Utilizing the Harvest Moon.
Bright moonlight nights are taken ad
vantage of by the harvesters, and thou
sands of acres of ripe wheat are gathercc
into the binder's arms or fall into tht
header elevators in Barber County. Or
most farms where moonlight is utilized
the plan is to work two forces of met
and teams, one in the day time and om
at night, though farmers with limitec
help and few teams cut early in the morn
ing, late in the afternoon, and until mid
night and rest in the middle of the dai
when the sun is the hottest.
In this county, where the ground L
level and free from stumps and rocks
night harvesting when the moon is brigh
may be carried on as well in the da*
time, and with much less inconvenienct
toman and beast.
It is not every season that the middl>
of harvest happens to be in the light o
the moon, but this season was the for
tunate exception.— Barber County Index
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Ventilating fans for passenger cars are
now operated by electricity.
A syndicate of Illinois capitalists has
bought 100,000 acres of manganese lands
in Arkansas.
Cleveland, Ohio, will push its tunnel
under the lake two miles farther, at a cost
of $35 per foot.
There are at least 100,000 acres of
phosphate rock scattered through the
western part of the State of Florida.
Turkish engineers say that the river
Euphrates might be made navigable the
year round by an expenditure of SIOO,-
000.
South Dakota has a 1500-foot well six
inches in diameter, throwing 400 gallons
of water a minute. There are in that
region wells 3000 feet deep.
Out in Nevada telegraph poles in low
places, where water stands in winter, are
said to have taken root and are covered
with foliage. The poles are cottonwood
and were planted with the bark on
them.
Electricians say there are more inqui
ries for electrical roads at this time than
ever before known. One of the lead
ing electric car companies has found it
necessary to withdraw all its advertising,
on account of the rush of orders.
Overhead electric wires should never,
says Herr Stcrnens, have more than 500
volts pressure; underground conductors,
with transformers, no more than 2000
volts. The transformers and conductors
should, however, be tested up to 5000
volts.
Experiments made in Sweden by M.
Sandberg on the strength or metal rails
during winters liavo shown that steel
rails containing over four per cent, of
carbon are apt to break in cold weather.
In fact, the result of bis investigations
points to the use of rails having less car
bon than this—say, three per cent. —in
countries as cold in winter as Norway
and Sweden.
Many of the substances usually ap
plied for the purpose of rendering fab
rics incombustible change the color of
the material or stiffen it so much that
its usefulness is considerably impaired.
An easy and safe way of protecting cur
tains and mosquito netting against fire is
to steep them in a solution of phorphate
of ammonia, obtained by mixing a pint
of water with about three ounces of phos
phate. The color and texture of tho
fabric remains unaltered.
Experiments have been made at Havre,
France, with the luminous buoy of M.
Dubois. The buoy emits the light
(which is produced by phosphuret of
calcium) on reselling the water, and as
it is very powerful, the sea is illuminated
for a considerable distance around.
Spectators in the lighthouse at Havre
saw the glare distinctly at a point two
and a half miles away, and it can be
seen for over five miles. Experiments
are also to be made in lighting the chan
nel of the Seine from the Amfard bank
to where the dykes commence, by means
of decked boats with masts over six feet
high, on which lights are to be mounted.
Antiquity of the Spanish Merino.
The Romans wore nothing but woolen
goods. They had no cotton; they had a
little linen, which was worn as a material
of luxury : they had no silk. They cul
tivated the sheep with great care, and
some of their richest possessions were in
sheep. But there was one breed of sheep
which they cultivated with great care,
and by that system of selection which
Darwin speaks of sis the source of
perfected form of our domestic animals.
It was called Tarentinc sheep, from Tar
entum, a city of Greek origin, situated
at the head of the Tarentum Gulf. The
fleece of this sheep was of exceeding
fineness, it was of great delicacy, aud
the price paid for it was enormous. The
sheep were clothed in cold weather to
keep them warm; and the result was
that they were tender, and their wool
was very fine. They were a product of
Greek civilization transmitted down to
the Romans. Columella, the great
Roman agriculturist, says that his
uncle, residing in Spain, crossed some
of the fine Tarentine sheep with some
rains that had been imported from
Africa, and the consequence was that
these animals had the whiteness of fleece
of the father with the fineness of fleece
of the mother, and that race was per
petuated. Here we see an improvement
of the stock, an increase of strength and
productiveness given to the fine wool
sheep of Spain. At that time the sheep
of Spain was of immense value; for
Strabo says that sheep from Spain, in the
time of Tiberius, was carried to Rome,
and sold for the price of a talent ($1000)
a head. In the time of our Saviour,
SIOOO was given in Rome for Spanish
sheep. When the barbarians inundated
Italy, these fine-wool sheep were all swept
away; but they remained in Spain. They
were cultivated by the Moors in the
mountains of Spain, which were almost
inaccessible, and not reached by the
hordes of Huns and other northern bar
barians, which had laid waste the greater
portion of the Roman possessions. They
continued to be nourished there by the
Moors, who very much advanced in arts,
and further on were found there as the
Spanish Merino. So that the Spanish
Merino, which we now have, if not the
only, is at all events by far the most im
portant relic that wo have to-day which
has come down to us from Greek and
Roman material civilization. We have
here a direct inheritance from the ma
terial wealth of the Old World civiliza
tion.—New Qrleant Timet-Democrat.
NO. 45.
TELLING THE BEES.
In a corner of the garden, on a lazy after
noon,
We heard the bees a-humming (every one
was out of tune),
And we watched the busybodies as they cir
cled 'bout their hives,
And we envied them the happiness and sweet
ness of their lives;
rhere was no one near to hear us, there was
no one near to see,
Except a bird which sang its prettiest for
Rosalie and me
And the bees.
; 'There is something I must tell you/' I began
in notes forlorn,
"And I want so much to tell you ere we part
to-morrow morn."
To gain fresh courage now I sighod and
waited for awhile,
When on the face of Rosalie appeared a
wicked smile;
And she aimed at me this parting shot before
she ran away—
"lf you can not tell it mo why don't you try
and tell it, pray,
To the bees?"
At dusk I sauntered over to the trysting place
agaiH.
"Tell the bees," I echoed slowly, while a
reminiscent train —
Myths and queer old legends of a superstitious
day—
Through a mem'ry unretentive coursed its
bewildered way.
Jubernntes says the Aryans held the boss in
holy fear,
Lest departed souls should in these little
creatures reappear;
And in his Georgics, Vigil, too—but then
they only told
The bees of death and trouble in those dark
some days of old.
And not of love; yet, should the tiuy insscts
understand
And start the wheel of fortune? I resolved
to try my hand.
Three times I softly rapped upon the hive just
next to me.
Three times I said, in accents low: "I love
my Rosalie."
Silence followed; than a rustle, then a voice
in tones I knew,
A human voice responded: "And your
Rosalie loves you."
I sprang and caught her, while my lips—but
then you plainly see
That what they said and did is known to
Rosalie and me
And the bees.
—DeWitt C. Lock wood, in IKesi Shore.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Not so bad after all—Dessert.
Gilt frames—Prison windows.
Sound precautions—Fop; whistles.
Come to think of it, the glacial period
was the original pack age. Utica Her
ald.
Lying is wicked, but, thank goodness,
it is not unfashionable.— Provultnce Tele
gram.
Give a man an inch and he wants a
foot; give him afoot and he immediately
begins to kick.— Atchison Globe.
"Good morning, judge. How is your
honor to-day?" "My honor is safe, but
my digestion is very weak."— Puck.
Tenderfoot—"Say, Mister, how far
docs your claim extend?" Squatter—
"As fur as I kin shoot."— Yankee Blade.
First Passenger—"Are ye sick, Thom
as?" Second Passenger (faintly)—"D'yo
think I'm doing this for fun."— The
Jester.
A man whose wife's good looks were
the only anchor for his love, says: "She
is a thing of beauty, and a jaw forever."
Yankee Blade.
The man who finds music in a clar
inet is doubtless of the opinion that
Apollo was a tootle-ary divinity.—
Washington Post.
The man who lies swinging in a ham
mock all day long can generally think up
lots of schemes to keep other people
busy.— Somerville Journal.
Gauder—"llow do you account for
the Milky Way?" Wittix—"l suppose
the cow jumping over the moon had
something to do with it."— Harper's Ba
zar.
There is some satisfaction in knowing
that the man who spreads himself out
over two seats of a horse car counted for
only one in the census. Philadelphia
Call.
"How is business?" inquired a friend.
"Slow," repeated the stockholder in the
cemetery association. "But sure," he
added, brightening up.— Chicago Tri
bune.
Funny, when a man puts on a high
hat for the first time, he'll duck his head
at a door casing that he couldn't reach
with a step ladder.— Bitiyhamton Repub
lican.
Thin Old Man (cramped and cross) —
"This car ought to charge by weight."
Stout Woman (regarding him contemptu
ously)—"lf they did, they'd never stop
to pick you up."
Judge—"Fellow, you arc condemned
to death. Is there anything you would
like to eat before you are executed?"—
African Criminal—"Yes; the judge."—
Fliegende Blaetter.
Jones—"l want to have you under
stand, gentlemen, that I stand on my
merits!" Smith—"l should think you
would lose your balance pretty often."—
Burlington Free Press.
Census Taker—"How old are you,
madam?" Madam—"l've seen twenty-
Sve summers." Census Taker—"How
did you come to miss the other fifteen or
twenty I"— Binqha-nton Leader