SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W. M. CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
Failures are quite frequent, avcragin
about 10,000 per year, and this, a con
temporary believes, seems to be an in
evitable outcome of the interminable com
petition of the times.
The Drovers' Journal announces that
' 'several large cotton mills are to be es
tablished in the States west of the Mis
sissippi River, in order to capture some
of the trade which is now possessed by
the mills of the Gulf States."
Wonderful development is going on
jn the coal fields of Maryland and West
Virginia; tunnels are to bo built to fa
cilitate shipment of coal, and 184 miles
of new railroad are now being con
structed throughout the richest portions
of the fields.
The lion. Proctor Knott, of Kentucky,
has found a substitute for Prohibition.
He says- "Women in the olden days
were not allowed to drink wine, and to
prove that they had not been drinking it
they kissed everybody they met. This
would bo better than Prohibition."
J. W. Powers, the cotton king of
Webster County, Ga., proposes to grind
up 700 bushels of peas, the balance of a
great crop fed to his stock, and use the
material us a fertilizer for bis cotton
crop. The peas are worth eighty-five
cents to $1 per bushel, but he expects to
get a better return from them in the
manner indicated.
The onyx mines of Oberstein, Ger
many, which have hitherto supplied all
the American deniaud, have become ex
hausted, and the only known onyx fields
left are located in the State of Puebla,
between the City of Mexico and Vera
Cruz. There are several of them there,
and for a long time they have been
worked in a crude way by the natives.
In the manufacture of paper this couu
try has been making tremendous strides
during the last few years. The industry
has been brought to such a high state of
development, and the production re
duced so much in cost by improved ma
chinery and tho successful use of wood
pulp under a special process, that a large
export trade has been established, par
ticularly with England. A market has
also been found in Australia and else
where.
Putting the population of New York
city this year at 1,675,000 the Sun cal
culates that there are more people in
New York than in any one of the fol
lowing States: Alabama, Arkansas, Cal
ifornia, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware,
Florida (more than the total population
of the last four combined), Kentucky,
Kansas, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland,
Minnesota, Mississippi, Nebraska, Ne
vada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, Or
egon, Rhodo Island, South Carolina,
Vermont, West Virginia, or in the four
new States of North and South Dakota,
Washington and Montana.
The New York Sun says: "Delight
fullest among the humors of the census
is the case of the Minneapolis enumera
tors who came poaching within the limits
of the rival city of St. Paul, seeking
whom to enumerate. Promptly St. Paul
arrested them. Then St. Paul carried
the war into Minneapolis and seized more
enumerators with their plant. Part of
this consisted of lists of Scandinavian
surnames and forenames, the which, be
ing compounded after the manner of
drugs, created enumerated citizens of
Minneapolis. St. Paul had no mind to
take any such medicine and shrilled ex
excedingly. Then Minneapolis found a
Minneapolis dog enumerated on St.
Paul's list as 'Carl Baxter,' colored, and
St. Paul drooped. All tho proceedings
are under the patronage of live Business
Men's Associations."
Reports of suffering and starvation
come to the Chicago iVetr« from several
fishing colonics on the Newfoundland
coast. Natives have in some instances
been found subsisting on decayed seals..
There has been a largo emigration from
Newfoundland to the Canadian North
west. The troubles of the inhabitants of
the island seem to be augmented by a
conflict over French fishing rights be
tween the colony and England, their
mother country, The Premier of New
foundland is quoted in a recent speech
as advocating open war with England or
else annexation to the United States. As
Newfoundland's war resources are too
insignificant for serious consideration, the
solution offered by annexation would
probably be approved if submitted to a
vote of tha people.
.THE SONG OF THE SEA.
Their world was a world of enchantment;
A world of luminous light
Came out with a flaring of carmine,
From all the black spaces of night;
The music of morn was as blithesome
And cheery as music could be;
But all through the dawn and the daybreak
I mourned for the song of the sea.
They showed me the marvellous flowers
And fruits of their sun-beaten lands;
They said, "Here are vine-tangled valleys;
Forget yo tho barren white sands;
For a weariness unto the spirit -
The dash of the breakers must be;
So dwell ye beside our blue waters;
Forgot the sad song of the sea."
And I wrappetl me about in the sunlight,
On the marge of a dimpling stream,
And there In a tangle of lilies,
I wove mo a wonderful dr>am;
And a song from my dreamland went float
ing
Far up where the angels must be,
But deep in its under vibrations
I heard the sweet song of tho sea.
With tho dew in his locks all a-glitter,
The Princo of the Daytime lay dead;
For the silver-white lance of tho twilight
Smote off tho gold crown from liis hoad;
And the Princess of Night came to see him,
Her lights all about him to hang;
And a nightingale screened in the thicket
Hor song to the slumberer sang.
And the stream from the tangle of lilies
Came winding its way through the sodgc;
And a silvery nocturne it rippled
Among the tall flags on its edge;
But its babble I fain would havo given
For the doep-woing sea voices' lull,
And the nightingale's song would have bar
tered
For a desolate cry of a gull.
Their world was a world of enchantment;
And they laughed with the laughter of
scorn,
When I turned me away from its beauty
In tho light of tho luminous morn;
But I heard a grand voice in tho distance
Instantly calling to me,
And I rose with a jubilant spirit
And followed the song of the sea.
—Harriet Whitney, in Belford's Magazine.
DAISY'S FARE
Daisy was engaged, and her betrothed
was receiving the merry congratulations
of the family, consisting of ber uncle
her aunt aud nearly a round dozen of
cousins.
Wharton Hill, a young lawyer, slowly
■winning name and fame inhis profession,
was being vigorously haudshaken and
noisily welcomed by the Trucmans when
Ned cried:
"Perhaps you didn't know Daisy was
an heiress, Wharton?"
"Ned—don'tl" said Daisy reproach
fully.
"A landed proprietress," cried Tom.
"I do not refer to the paltry six hundred
a year she draws from her father's estate,
but to her own property."
"Her farm, in fact!" cried Sue.
"Yes; her farm," echoed Ned, coming
to the front once more. "When you are
tired of the law you can start gentleman
farming upon your country seat."
After they were all gone, having jested
a long time on the subject, Wharton was
surprisetl to see tears in Daisy's soft,
brown eyes.
"What is it, darling?" he asked.
"They don't mean to hurt my feel
ings," Daisy said gently, "but they will
jest about my farm, and—and—l don't
like it."
"Then you really own a farm?"
"It is not a valuable possession, as
you will see when I tell you about it.
When I was a baby, soon after mamma
died, I was very ill, and tho doctors ad
vised my father to send me to tho coun
try for change of air. There was an old
servant of father's family, who had mar
ried a farmer aud was left a widow with 1
a small farm. Such a farm, AVharton!
The house has only three rooms, and
looks as if a high wind would utterly de
molish it; the land is so poor that it is
slow starvation to cultivate it. But it
was all tho home Margaret had. You
may judge that she was very glad to re
ceive the liberal price father paid for
me, and my own mother could not have
given me more loving care. Every year
father came to take me away, and every
year was persuaded to leave mo, until I
was eight years old, and a marvel of
rugged health and perfect ignorance.
Then I was putin boarding school, but
I still spent my summer vacations with
old Margaret, and my trunk was always
half filled with comforts for her. Having
no one in the world who claimed kindred
with her—no one else but me to love,
Margaret loved me with her Thole
heart. Six years ago, after father Slied
and I came here to live with with Uncle
Tom, Margaret died and left me her
farm. It has been a joke in the family
ever since. The place is so utterly
valueless that we can neither sell it nor
rent it, and it represents only the love of
an old woman for her nursling."
"Some time -we will visit it. You
have not told me its locality."
"It is in Pennsylvania, nine miles
from anywhere, father used to say, be
cause it is nine miles off the railroad.
But you can always hire a wagon or car
riage at G togo over to Corn's Mill,
and my farm is very near Cora's Mill."
i After this explanation, Wharton bore
the jesting about Daisy's real estate with
perfect good nature aad declared his in
tention of erecting a palatial country seat
upon the place, when he became a mill
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 15, 1890.
ionaire and Judge of the Superior
Court.
Being people of modest desires, and
having an income of about S6OO apiece,
Wharton and Daisy saw no reason to de
lay their wedding, and were married
with a large assemblage of true friends
around them. They went to housekeep
ing in a little house, modestly fur
nished, and were fair specimens of "love
in a cottage."
But Wharton Hill was ambitious. Hav
ing studied his profession under great
difficulties, often gcing hungry to buy
needful books, often losing his night's
rest to pore over knotty points, he was
both fond and proud of his life work,
and strove to win a good position therein.
His love for Daisy—true, honest love—
was never allowed to interfere with his
pursuit of fame in his profession, and
after he was married he attacked his
studies with fresh ardor, spending his
time in his office when not actually en
gaged in the court room.
Little Daisy, whose life was affection,
found time often hanging heavily upon
hor hands, as Wharton became more and
more popular and the number of his cli
ents increased. But she was always
ready with loving welcome when he did
come to his home, and she knew that
much of his ambition and ardor was for
her sake.
The third year of her married life was
nearly over, and "lier only child, Tom
Trueman Hill, was eighteen months old,
when Wharton, ever busy and full of
energy, began to complain of racking
pain in his head and loss of memory.
Often in the midst of an nrgumeut the
thread of his speech slipped from his
mind and cost a great mental struggle
to be resumed.
Ho fought the symptoms bravely, but
Daisy was full of terror at the change in
him. 11c grew haggard and restless,
oppressed with vague fears of loss of
reason and really suffering great physical
pain.
At last, much against his will, he al
lowed Daisy to call in the family phy
sician, whose advice was simple, but
strongly urged, consisting of two words
only—"Perfect rest."
"The brain is overworked," he ex
claimed, "and no medicine will avail
while he persists in study and practice.
Get him away if you can. H'm—this
is May—a good time for a country trip.
Take him to the country, Mrs. Hill."
Wharton rebelled. It was ruin to
leave his office, where cases of import
ance were in his hands. He must work
or they might all starve. lie would de
cline some of the practice offered him;
would take little trips during the sum
mer; would, in short, temporize.
And then Daisy—little, brown-eyed
Daisy—whose voice was as softns aflutc,
who was scarcely larger than a well :
grown child of twelve, "put her foot
down." Such a might of a foot! It was
absurd to imagine it had any weight in
the world's machinery; but it was down
and Daisy kept it there. Tom was a
lawyer and Toin could take Wharton's
cases for the summer months. There
was her farm—a poor place, to be sure,
but at least a house, ami with some fur
niture in it and surrounded by beautiful j
scenery, possessing the jiurest of air and
water. With six hundred a year they
would not starve, aud there was a nest
egg in bank iu case of an emergency.
Wharton pshawed I Wharton fumed.
All in vain. Resolute little Daisy
packed trunks, arranged her household,
engaged her one half-grown girl to ac
company the party as child's nurse and
enlisted the entire Trueman family on
her side.
And Wharton, finding those queer
fceliugs in his head increasing, the dizzy
spells becoming more frequent, finally
submitted to fate, iu the person of Daisy,
explained the various points at issue to
Tom Trueman, nnd, accompanied by
wife, child and nurse, took up his journey
to Corn's Mill. It was early morning
when a rickey old wagon containing the
party and baggage entered an euclosure
that had once been a fence and the fam
ily took possession of Daisy's farm.
Tha prospect was not encouraging.
The house had not improved in years of
emptiness and neglect, nnd even Daisy's |
heart sank at the broken roof, the
tumble down doors, the shaky windows, j
But, she said, covering her dismay with
a brave smile, "there they were, and
they must make the best of it!"
Jennie, the nurse, proved a treasure
and the women were soon busy "putting
to rights," while Wharton took Tom on
an exploring expedition over the estate.
There was a queer glance in his eyes
as he came back again in time for din
ner, but he only said:
"I can't quite trust my own head yet,
Daisy—but is there a postoflice at Corn's
Mill'"
"Yes, the mail goes out twice a week."
"Give me a sheet of paper and an en
velope, that's a dear."
"Now, Wharton, that is not rc3ting."
"I'll only write a dozen lines, dear."
The dozen lines being written and
posted Wharton seemed to find an un
failing source of amusement roving
about the farm, poking holes in the
ground with a short canc, often kneel
ing down to examine the earth so turned
over. Daisy hinted at planting some
vegetables, though she said despond
ently:
"I don't suppose they will grow if we
do."
"Never mind the beans and peas now,
love. Wait till we have an answer to my
letter."
A week later, when June was joung,
the answer cami in the person of two
men—one whit* haiced and absent
minded, the other young and emphati
cally business-like. Wharton gave them
cordial welcome,and after partaking of a
substantial luncheon the three started out
upon the farm.
Little Daisy, intensely happy in the
knowledge that Wharton had not had
one dizzy turn since their arrival on the
farm, that he had the appetite of a plow
boy and was cheerful and full of anima
tion, was busy baking a batch of pies
when the three gentlemen, returned to
the house. She could see them from the
kitchen window as they came over the
neglected path, and saw that Wharton's
eyes were full of exultation, his face
flushed, his carriage erect. He looked
like some one newly laden with good
tidings, and all three were talking
eagerly and earnestly.
Daisy wondered a littlo and scorched
one of lier pies. While she carefully
pared the burned edge of crust the kitchen
dorr opened, and Wharton, heedless of
her big calico apron and bare arms,
ushered in the strangers.
"Mrs. Hill," he said, bowing with
great deference, "accept my congratula
tions upon your great good fortune."
"In scorching my pic?" laughed Daisy.
"In owningfifteen acres of coal land."
"I don't understand," Daisy faltered.
"The farm, my dear, your legacy from
your old nurse, is one solid bed of coal,
and there is no mine with ten miles of it.
Nobody knows how much lies beyond
your fences in the vacant land about us,
but in my mind's eye I see this a colony
of miners."
"Are you sure, Wharton?"
"I suspectei it the first day we came,
but having no experience I wrote to ono
of my clients in Pottsville to send me an
experienced hand to test my suspicions.
These gentlemen confirm my opinions."
"There is no doubt about the coal,
ma'am," said the old gentleman, "nor
any about its lying so near the surface
that it can soon be available."
"The question is," said the younger
stranger, "whether you will sell out or
open the mine yourself. lam authorized
to make you an offer if you wish to dis
pose of the property."
"Time enough for that," said Whar
ton. "I will return with you to Potts
ville."
"Wharton—no business."
"Don't fear, Daisy; this kind of busi
ness won't injure me. You will let me
decide in the matter?"
"Certainly."
And the decision, after Wharton had
spent a month in Pottsville, was to sell
< € -ut to a company who was already
mg up the vacant land surrounding The
farm. The young lawyer knew nothing
of mining and had no desire to learn, but
ho was no fool, and he made satisfactory
terms for the sale of the "estate," and
Daisy returned home a wealthy woman.
A European trip restored the health of
the young lawyer, and he resumed prac
tice a year afterward, with every hope of
ono day realizing the vision of fame,
while little Daisy, still rather dazed at
her new fortune, entered upon domestic
duties in a grand house, with servants,
carriages, horses, plate and jewels.
"It is like a fairy tale, Wharton," she
said, "to think of that miserable place
being so valuable. Poor Margaret little
realized the fortune she was bestowing
upon me when she left me all she owned
—her farm.
The Trueman cousins, sharing in all
generous Daisy's gifts and entertain
ments, no longer jest derisively, but
speak in the most respectful terms of
that precious legacy, Daisy's farm.—
New York llerald.
An Electrical Whirlwind.
Mr. Charles F. Hoefer's farm on the
Monticello road, about four miles from
this city, was recently the scene of rather
a remarkable occurrence.
Mr. Hoefer's attention was attracted by
several loud reports, which he likens to
the discharge of a gun, at the edge of
some woods bordering his cotton field.
Immediately a whirling column of dust
and debris was seen to take a circular
course from the woods through the cot
ton field and back to the woods again,
sweeping aloft everything in its path.
A colored man employed in the field
fled for his life, but caught enough of
the force of the whirlwind to blister his
back, so he said.
On examination it was found that all
along the track of the whirling column
tho leaves of the cotton had been
scorched as if by fire, but no other dam
age was done.— Columbia ($. C.) Regis
ter.
Some Enormous Hammers.
Sightseers in St. Louis, Mo., always
take a lively interest in the monster trip
hammers used in the various large iron
works, which, although as large as any
thing of the kind to be found within the
limits of the United States, are but
pigmies when compared with those used
in the great rolling mills and gun
foundries of Europe. At the Terni
works in Italy there is a hammer which
weighs fifty tons. It was cast in 1873,
and is said to have taken ninety days to
cool sufficiently to admit of being set in
position. Alexandrovski, Russia, has
one ten tons heavier that was cast in
1874. At the Crenstot works in France
there is one of eighty tons. It was made
in 1877 and sets on an anvil block of 160
tons weight. The Cockerille works in
Belgium have a 100-ton hammer, and the
Krupp gun works at Essen, Germany,
have one of 150 tons. The last named
hammer is the largest now used in the
world.— Commercial Advertiser.
The leopard never bouts of his spot. |
lees reputation.— PitUbvrg Chronicle.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
t#
Electricity can now be used to operate
a machine for mining coal.
Electric hois trine engines for dock
use are among the latest devices intro
duced.
A new electrical coal cutter is being
brought out in Boston. It makes two
four-inch cuts in five minutes.
A silver lode, yielding forty-five per
cent, of pure metal, has been discovered
in the Ued of the River Donetz in South
ern Kussia.
The longest crano in the world lias just
been completed by the Morgan Engineer
ing Company, of Alliance, Ohio; it will
lift 150 tons.
By a new method of cementing iron
the parts cemented arc so effectually
joined as to resist the blows even of a
sledge hammer.
Tests in Germany of a new electrically
controlled steering apparatus show that
the Captain can control the rudder from
the bridge or from any point about the
deck.
Coffee is found to have a remarkable
anti-septic power, its effect in destroying
microbes seeming to be due to cm
pyreumatic oils, developed in roasting,
and not to caffeine.
It has lately been shown that if two
coins are placed on opposite sides of a
plate of glass and electrified for two
minutes they will leave a perfect imago
of themselves upon the glass.
The perfected target for firing at the
small-arm ranges is worked by electricity.
By means of contact and a battery there
is communication with the indicating ap
paratus at the firing end of the range
showing which section of the target has
been struck.
In the new audio-telephone that has
recently appeared in Eugland the prin
cipal characteristic is the mouthpiece,the
particulai advantage of which is that it
intensifies the sound waves, making it
possible to carry on a conversation in an
ordinary tone of voice.
The new eye-piece for the Lick tele
scope, in California, is fifty per cent,
larger than any lens of the kind yet con
structed. The light from the heavenly
bodies, seen through the Lick telescope
with this new eye-piece, will be 2000
times as bright as that seen with the
naked eye.
Professor Elihu Thompson says that in
the near future railways will be run by
electricity. By this he means not only
the small roads for cities and suburban
districts, but the large ones connecting
cities, and he looks for a higher speed
than is now attained with the steam
locomotive.
In order to keep machinery from rust
ing take one ounce of camphor, dissolv
ing it in a pound of lard; take off the
scum and mix as much fine black lead
as will give it iron-color. Clean the ma
chinery and smear it with this mixture.
After twenty-four hours, rub clean with
soft, linen cloth. It will keep clean
for months under ordinary circum
stances.
In Canada there is a nickel company
which has a nickel mine. The ore is
mixed with copper and after the dross is
taken off the alloy is called matte, which
contains about seventy per cent, of nickel
and thirty per cent, of copper. This is
shipped to Germany and Swansea, in
Wales, where the secret is jealously
guarded of the process by which the tivo
metals arc separated.
Ramie spinning mills have now in
creased to four in France, being operated
by La Societe Gencrale do la Ramie of
Maulany, Simmonet of Warnervillc, Ga
velle-Briere of Lille, and the Socictc La
Ramie Francaise, who have two estab
lishments, one at Essonnes with 2000
spindles and a doubling plant, and one
at Entraygers with 5000 spindles. The
last-named company is the most impor
tant, and besides spinning is also en
gaged in weaving. They have twenty
looms at work for ramie cloth, ten ma
chines for curtains, etc.
({neon Victoria's Conch Horses.
The eight horses attached to Queen
Victoria's coach used upon state occa
sions arc of the famous Hanoverian breed
—big,stalwart creams with ghastly wall
eyes ; most folk pronounce them splendid
specimens of equine beauty. These horses
are still bred in Hanovor, and the sever
est pains are taken to keep the stock
pure. If at birth the colt is isot a pure
cream, or if subsequently it develops
some defect, it is killed. In this way
none but sound and distinct-colored
horses are to be met with in this peculiar
brand. In Hanover, however, all the
horses are not first class; about fifty per
cent, of the horses you see in the streets
are slight and ill-shapcn and bony crea
tures.
The Dutch horses seem to average bet
ter than those of any other nation; they
are of noble size, of distinct color, and
are strong, hardy and intelligent. Nearly
all the horses you see in Holland are
sleek, glossy and handsome. The Dutch
man takes the best care of his horse. If
the weather be inclement he leaves the
horse at home in the warm stable and
hitches up his wife and the family dog to
the plough or to the farm wagon. In
Germany the larger dogs are made to do
service as drawers of small carts; a stout
dog, properly broken, will outwork the
average pony. Then, too, while the mas
ter is away the dog guards the property
t« which he is attached.— Netc Tori
World.
NO. 44.
THE LOOM.
Weaving man's destiny
The ceaseless shuttles fly.
Bearing the thread of fato.
No word at thy command
Can stay the weaver's hand;
He will not pause or wait.
Here aideth cry nor prayer,
Nor passion nor despair
A way of help hath found.
The shuttles through and through
Weave in the pattern true
With threads thyself hast wound.
Thine are spinner's hands,
From thee the loom demands
The threads its shuttles hold.
In the fresh woven woof
Thy life is put to proof,
Thy purposes unfold. i
Be watchful, then, and wise,
For still with thee it lies
To choose what yet will bo.
Fill thou the shuttle days
With labor and with praise;
The loom is not for thee.
—New York Press.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Concocting a felony—Mixing drinks
in Kansas.
"Did lier father kick?" "Yes, but he
missed, thank my stars."— Life.
There's nil the difference in the world
between a friend in need and a needy
friend.— Binghamton Leader.
The employe may not be a meddler,
blithe is always minding somebody else's
business.— Washington Star.
Tho saddest words of tonguo or pen,
There aro too many women and not enough
men.
Washington Post.
She (to young lawyer)—" What kind
of practice do you have, Mr. Sharp?"
He—"Oh, I practice economy."—Mun
set/s Weekly.
A Chicago man has discovered a cure
for insomnia. lie sets his alarm-clock to
go off a few minutes after he gets into
bed.— Statesman.
The down of a peach is apparent; tho
down of a I auana may not bo apparent
at first glance, but sooner or later you
tumble to it.— Yonkers Gazette.
"Woll, I am engaged to marry Miss
Mabel." "Good! ]low did you break
the ice?" "There wasn't any ice. It
was a mild winter."— Chicago Times.
"It's pretty tough luck," complained
the big trunk, "to find yourself com
pletely strapped just when you're starting •
off on a big journey."— Shoe liccorder.
The things of earth change to and fro,
They move, they glide, they ruu, they flit,
But Keeley's motor doesn't go
The leastfst tiny little bit.
—Chicago Post.
Teacher (at Sunday school) —"Betty,
what have we to do first before we can
expect forgiveness for our sins?" Betty
—"We have to sin first."— San Fran
cisco Wasp.
Landlord "There arc some fine
springs in the neighborhood of this farm
house." City Guest—"Then I advise
you to put a few of them in your beds."
—Boston Gazette.
At a dinner of physicians in Paris, the
presiding officer arose and said: "I
drink to the health—" "Never, never;
we protest!" came from all parts of the
room.— Boston Journal.
Wife—"John Jones, you're a fool!"
Hngband—"You didn't see to think so
when I was single." Wife—"No, you
never showed what a fool you wcie until
you married me."— Epoch.
Tho little thermometer smiled in glee
As the mercury upward drew
To the century mark and silently asked:
"Is It hot enough for you?"
—Philadelphia Times.
Astronomy in the Trade.—Customer—
"l want a nice moonstone scarf-pin."
Jeweler—"Would you like it set full or
in skeleton?" Customer—"Full? No,
sir! I want a new moonstone."—Jewel
ers' Weekley.
Charlie—"What an intelligent dog
Wildfire is, Miss De Witt. I actually
believe he knows as much as I do."
Miss Do Witt—"Yes,indeed; I wouldn't
wonder if he knew more than that, Mr.
Featherbrane."— Bostonian.
"Mr. Lushloy," said that gentleman's
wife, in irate tone, "do you know that
it's 3 o'clock in the morning?" "Coursli
I dush," was the reply. "Doan you
Bhposh I'm shober 'nuff know free 'clock
when I shec it?"— Washington Post.
"Pass inc the rolls," said tho profes
sor. "They are all gone," said the
landlady. "You were late for breakfast
and they were eaten." "What time do
you call the roll? I shall endeavor to bo
present hereafter."— New York Herald.
Simpson—"What are you going about
for grinning like a poorhouse idiot?
Have you been taking laughing gas?"
De Smith—"No; but I'm promised a
position as a hotel clerk at a seaside re
sort, and I'm getting the bland smilo
well in hand."
Fred—l fain would always linger thus, and
taste the sweets of life divine;
Life loses all its petty cares, since, Lucy,
dearest, thou art mine.
Lucy—But, dearest Fred, remember this:
We are but human, not divine;
You bread and butter must provide if you
would have me ever thine.
—Boston Budget.
He—"Weally, I am out of bweath.
My man has just togged me out in my
tennis rig, don' ye knaw, when I we
ceived a message saying that you had
changed your mind about tennis and
were going to the wegatta instead." She
—"lndeed! I wonder who could have
notified you? I didn't know that I had
an enemy in the world."— Cloak Revievc.