SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W. M. CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
A club in Guatemala offers a premium
«112 SIOOO for the best hymn for the Cen
tral American nation.
Tho Chicago Sun estimates that the
shipments of lumber from Lakes Michi
gan and Superior this year will amount
to 200,000,000 feet to Eastern points,
an increase of forty per cent, over -last
year.
A recently returned Mexican tourist
says that the average Mexican senorita is
ugly and that a beautiful woman is as
great a rarity there as a truth-telling na
tive. Many of the women look pictur
esque in their mantills, but on close in
spection their beauty proves a delusion
and a snare.
Thhty-seven French soldiers, under
command of a Captain, a Lieutenant and
a sub-Lieutenant,are said to have marched
from their barracks at Vannes to a rail
road station twelve miles distant in 1
hour and 50 minutes to salute a General
whose train was to stop at the station.
Not a man fell out on the march.
The New York World ascertained that
bread and milk is one of the most popu
lar dishes served for lunch at the Con
gressional restaurant iu Washington.
Glasses of pure cream or of half cream
and half milk are greatly in demand
among the Congressmen who come from
cities, but they are avoided by the rural
members.
A man named Willis has taken up his
residence on the coast of Florida for the
purpose of killing sharks, aud he kills
them by exploding giant powder in the
water. In one months he has done for
over 100 of them, and he says he shall
make the number 1000 before he stops.
A shark bit his wife in two, and this is
his revenge.
Emperor William, of Germany, has re
solved to cease giving jewels to those
whom he wishes to honor, and will here
after present to them cabinet photographs
of himself and the Empress. "The Em
porcr has but recently embarked upon,
the mortgage-loau business, and proba
bly finds it necessary to economize be
tween payments of interests," is the com
ment of the New York Times.
The New York Telegram has discov
ered that J. G. Fitch, Inspector of Train
ing Schools iu England, who came to
America in 1888 to study the public
school system, has made a report which
is not very complimentary to our schools.
He says they give no better education
than is now afforded by the elementary
schools of England, the chief fault being
that the minuteness of the rules laid down
for teachers and pupils "leaves little
room for the spontaneity of the former
or the individuality of the latter."
The British Government got about
$500,000 out of the English estate of the
late J. S. Morgan, of the American firm
of bankers, Drexel, Morgan & Co., which
amounted to $11,000,000. The first duty
was the probate stamp,which cost $350,-
000. Another tax amounted to $lO,-
000, and as Morgan had left a year's sal
ary to every person in his employment,
and there is a tax of 10 per cent, on
each of these bequests as well as a tax of
1 per cent, on the bequests to his chil
dren, and 3 and 5 per cent, to other rela
tives, another SIIO,OOO was almost made
A good deal of indignation has been
excited in England over the discovery
that a number of soldiers who took part
in the famous charge of the Light Brigade
at Balaclava are now reduced to beggary
and almost to starvation. Of the survi
vors of the "noble six hundred" it has
been found that while a few are in com
fortable circumstances, there are nearly
two thousand in various almshouses, and
over five dependent on private
charity. This, declines Muntexfi Weekly,
is a sad commentary on England's lack
of generosity and on the veterans' lack of
veracity.
Alfred Carter, the Lancashire weaver
who aspired to the hand of Queen Vic
toria, has escaped the lunatic asylum,
announces the Chicago Timet. The
Judge before whom ho wasarrigned, rec
ognizing the venerable common-law dic
tum that "a cat may look at a King," de
eded that a weaver may love a Queen
ind not be out of his wits. It is grati
fying to know that in Europe, as in
America, the lowest-born citizen may as
pire to the highest office in tho land.
Even in Russia one may aspire to the
throne, for the law there says: "Aspire,
if you want to, and be hanged."
LOVE AMONG THE CLOVER.
Over and over thq purple clover
TJnder the greenwood tree,
Sweet Bessie came straying, for wild flowers
Maying,
And sang in her maiden gloe:
"0 hey, O hoi
There's a laddy I know
" Who joys my face to see.
Pair blossoms, I pray, now what shall I say
When Robin comes wooing o' me,
Dear heart
When Robin comes wooing o' me?"
Over and under the boughs asunder,
Through the wood came Robin ere long;
In the olden fashion he carrolled his pas
sion,
And the hawthorn swayed to his song:
"O hey, O ho!
The way I know
She dropped me this flower to tell;
But what she will say this blossomy day—
Would that I knew it as well,
Dear heart,
Would that I knew it as well."
Over and over the fragrant clover,
The bees went humming till late,
And where is the laddie, and what luck had
he,
A-wooing his blithesomo mate?
O hey, O ho I
They walk full slow,
Brown Robin and blushing Boss;
But what did she say in the wood to-day?
I think I will leave you to guess.
Dear heart,
I think I will leave you to guess.
—Samuel M. Peck, in Courier-Journal.
A HAND IN THE DARK,
Br MBS. ETTA F. MARTIX.
"Lucky fellow I"
The words involuntarily passed my lips
as I threw myself into the luxurious easy
chair drawn up temptingly before the
open grate. They applied equally to
Tom and myself. Tom was a lucky fel
low, certainly—the master of the grange
and the husband of a charming woman
—and I counted myself almost equally
fortunate in my freedom from business
cares for three whole weeks, and the
prospect of unlimited fishing and driving.
Cousin Tom had recently inherited a
fortune; I was still plodding alone in
London; but for three weeks of liberty I
determined to enjoy all the blessings the
gods had vouchsafed me, and to imagine
myself, for the nonce, as rich and happy 1
as Tom himself.
Although it was early fall tho nights
wero a little keen, and Constance—
Tom's wife—had ordered a fire in my
room, the cheerful blaze giving to the !
richly furnished apartment a delightful 1
touch of warmth and coziness.
With such a lire and such a chair, and
with my favorite evening paper in my |
pocket, retiring was not to be thought!
of; so drawing to my chair a table on !
which stood a shaded lamp I gave my- !
self up to the perusal of my journal.
Over the long parliamentary report IJ
must have gone to sleep, and when I j
awoke the lamp had burned itself out, .
and but a few sparks remained of the
cheery fire. The room was not in total
darkuess, for there was a moon, hidden
by clouds, to be sure, but still throwing ;
enough light at tho wide windows to ;
make things dimly visible.
On the instant awakening I felt that
some one was near me, and, with that,
startled feeling one has on nwakening'
suddenly from a sound sleep, I cried out:
"Who's there?"
No answer came, and the only sounds i
were the tapping of a tree branch against
the window and the ticking of the clock!
over the fireplace.
Still I was conscious that somebody—i
something—was near me, and I held myl
breath, straining my ears to catch•
some sound that should reveal tho in-l
truder, but only the tap of the tree branch,
and the tick of the clock broke the si-1
lence.
I remembered that there were matches)
on the table, and turned my chair tot
search for them. An exclamation of as-i
tonishment rose to my lips as I did 50,,,
for on the surface of the table was ui
strange luminous spot —neither lamplight, t
firelight nor moonlight.
Up to this time my feeling had been:
one of annoyance rather than fear, but?
there was something so indescribable, so
supernatural, about this light thutta sud
den terror seized me, and I gazedtos one
fascinated, unable to move.
A card and pencil I had
my pocket lay on the table, and'over
this the light grew brighter, and in the
midst a hand appeared—a woman's hand,
delicate and beautiful, but of deathly
whiteness, and on the third linger gleamed
a ruby, the stone held between two
golden serpents' heads.
The fingers closed over the pencil, and
after making several irregular marks upon
the card, letters began to be formed, and
as I leaned forward with breathless in
terest, I saw the pallid hand write with
perfect distinctness:
'■Search for tho box in the old well."
Then the strange light grow dim, the
hand gradually faded away, and the
moon, emerging from the clouds, threw
a shaft of light into the room.
The spell that had bound me was
broken, and in a moment I had found
match and taper, and light in hand, was
bending over the table.
The card was blank—not a word upon
it—and I asked myself if I h&d been
dreaming; but hard as I tried to convince
myself that such was the case I could
not; it had all been too real.
A strange experience it was surely,
but after pondering over it awhile Ide
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, AUGUST 1, 1890.
elded to dismiss it from my mind and to
retire.
In the morning the affair seemed more
inexplicable than ever, and I found my
self constantly thinking of tho words I
had seen traced by the mysterious hand.
They were meaningless to me. "Search
for the box in the old well." I knew of
no box that had been lost and certainly
I knew of no old well. The affair had a
flavor of "Lady Audley's Secret" about it,
and it was not hard to picture a grass
grown well concealing in its depths some
ghastly secret.
If I could have laughed the matter off
as a dream I should have regaled Tom
and Constance with the story at break
fast, but I could not bring myself to
speak of it.
"By the way, Lester," said Tom,
"we aro expecting another guest to-day
—Miss Mabel Saunders. Charming girl,
too."
"And the Grange's rightful mistress,"
said Constance.
I looked up in surprise.
"I thought you bought the place, Tom,
so who could be the rightful mistress but
Constance?"
"Only leased it, old fellow. The own
er, Leo Harcourt, would not sell, though
ho is ashamed to show his face about
hero. It is my opinion he hopes to
' como back and marry Mabel when the
feeling against him has died away."
"Tell me the story, Tom," I asked,
"for that there is a story is evident."
"Easily told, Le3ter. Mabel Saunders
is the daughter of an old army comrade
of Colonel Denison, the lato owner of the
Grange, and when her parents died, in
i her infancy, Colonel Denison and his
| wife took the child to their home. She
! was not legally adopted, but us they had
I no children of their owu Mable was
looked upon as their heiress, and the
Colonel's attorney avers that he drew up
a will four years ago leaving tho property
to her. Two years ago Colonel Denison
was brought home dead from the hunt
ing field, and his wife, who had been for
years an invalid, survived the shock le»s
a month. When the Colonel's papers
were examined no will was found, and
Lee Harcourt, the next of kin, came into
possession. Many of the Colonel's friends
were not slow to express their belief that
Harcourt had destroyed tho will, as he
had been visiting at the Grange at tho
timo of *tho Colonel's death, but there
was no proof. He wanted to marry
Mabel, probably to end the gossip, but
she refused his hand, and for more than
a year now has been governesi for Mrs.
Stanton's three unruly boys. Now,thoso
precocious youngsters arc to have a vaca
tion, so Mabel comes to us. Indeed, wo
would gladly give her a home, but she is
too proud to accept it. There's the
story, and now for our drive. Here aro
the horses."
A glorious gallop it was in the bracing
autumnal air, and a visit to the stables
followed, so that I did not see Constance
again till I came down to lunch. Meet
ing Tom in the hall, we entered-the room
together, to find Constance awaiting us,
and by her side a tall straight girl with
the sweetest face I had ever seen.
Tom greeted her warmly, and then
Miss Saunders was introduced to me, ex
tending her hand with some pleasant re
mark.
What 6he said I do not know, for on
the hand that was laid in mine glistened
a ruby—a ruby held between two golden
serpent's heads.
I must have seemed strangely embar
rased for a moment. But I saw Constance
look at mo oddly, and with a determined
effort I put aside all speculations for the
time being.
That evening in the drawing-room, as
Miss Saunders and I wero looking over a
book of engravings, I seized tho oppor
tunity to comment upon the ring, saying
I had never seen that design before.
The sweet face grew sad as she an
swered: "It was my mother's ring. She
placed it on my linger tho day sho died."
By her mother I understood of course
that she meant Mrs. Denison, the only
mother she had ever known, and I almost
seemed to hear the words: "Search for
the box in the old well." Could there
be any connection between the mis
sing will and my strange vision?
The days went on, every hour bring
ing me nearer that unhappy day when I
must leave the Grange and Mabel and
return to my office drudgery. I had
often declaimed against sudden attach
ments, had often argued that love should
be a growth, and hero wero all my
theories completely shattered. At a
glance from Mabel's blue eyes a flame
had been kindled in my heart that grew
brighter and brighter as we walked or
drove together in the long, pleasant
days. Still, I did not mean to ask her
to be my wife, for what had I to offer?
Two or three rooms in a dingy London
house perhaps. But one evening in the
garden, as the moonlight fell upon her
upraised face, I lost my head completely
and avowed my love, to find it frankly
returned. And when I told Mabel how
little I had to lay at her feet, sho drew
such a picture of a little homo in London
that tho two or three shabby rooms be
came the brightest spot on earth.
Tom and Constance were delighted,
and indeed I shrewdly suspect that the
whole affair was one of my cousin's wife's
match making schemes.
"Ah, Lester," sho said, "if that will
would only turn up you might have a
fortune as well as a bride. Oh, yes," as
I protested that I wanted no fortune.
"I know you are disinterested, but you
would still love Mabel, would you not,if
she were rich?"
"By Jove," said Tom, "it is a shame
about that will. Let's have another
search for the box."
"The box! What box?"I cried, jump
ing to my feet in my excitement.
"Why, the tin box the will was in, to
gether with the papers. Didn't I tell
you the whole lot were missing?"
For a moment I lost sight of Tom and
Constance, and before me I saw a pallid
hand, with its gleaming ruby, and it
traced the words: "Search for the box
in the old well."
I turned squarely upon Tom, who was
watching me somewhat curiously.
"Why don't you search the old well?"
I asked abruptly.
"It was Tom's turn to jump to his
feet.
"The old well! What put that into
your head? But it shall be searched be
fore the sun goes down. And, by Jove,
Constance, don't you remember when wo
leased the Grange that Harcourt spoke
about the old well as dangerous, and
suggested that we have it filled up?"
There was a well, then, and I wanted
to ask where; but Tom had taken it for
granted'that I knew all about its exist
ence, and I did not want to tell them my
strange experience on my first night at
the Grange. The search might reveal
nothing.
Tom would not wait a moment, but
hurrying off to the stables, returned with
two or three of his men, and marshalod
the party to the old well, in a remote
corner of the grounds.
The promise of a sovereign to the man
who would mako the search quickly se
cured a volunteer, and as ho descended,
the stones on the sides giving him a foot
hold, Tom lit a lantern to be lowered to
him. The well was quite dry, and if tho
box was thero at all a brief search would
discover it.
Aud we had not long to wait. Soon
we heard the man clambering up the
well sido, aud when his head rose above
the curb Tom seized him and fairly lifted
him ont. And there was the tin box
protruding from his-pocket.
There is little more to tell. The will
was found to bo uninjured. Lee Har
court never returned to England,thereby
confessing virtually that ho had stolen
the will, and Mabel indue time was in
stalled as mistress of tho Grange.
And I—well, I tried to be magnani
mous, and told Mabel I was no match for
her and that she was at liberty to break
tho engagement, whereupon she declared
that she would give the property to an
orphan asylum and bo once more the
doweriess girl I had loved and won.
So I became master of the Grange,and
among our most frequent visitors are
Tom and Constance.
Only the other dr.y Tom said, as we
were enjoying our after dinner smoke,
"That was a bright thought of yours,old
fellow, about the well. lam sure no
one else would ever have hit upon it."
I thought of the hand in tho dark,but
I said nothing. After our marriage I
told Mabel the story, and we had agreed
that it should rest a secret with us.
Rob McUee's Scalp.
Robert McGee, of Easton, Kan., is
but thirty-nine years old, yet he has
gone twenty-six years without a scalp,
with a bullet iu his ribs and the scars of
several awful wounds by Indian arrows.
It adds not a little to the interest of his
case to learn that he was shot and scalped
by the once-noted Little Turtle, and the
ball now lodged between two of his ribs
was put there by Little Turtle, with the
identical pistol which President Lincoln
had not long before presented to the
"noble red man."
Senator Plumb, of Kansas, lias intro
duced a bill in Congress to pay McGee
SSOOO out of the general or Indian fund,
and presents in support of it abundant
evidence to prove the following facts; In
186-1 Robert McGee, thirteen years old,
was left an orphan and without means,
but being quite tall for his age ho tried
to enlist at Fort Leavenworth. He was
rejected but employed as a teamster,
and started with a small train to Fort
Union, N. M. On the 11th of July, near
where the city of Great Bend now stands,
Little Turtle's band of Sioux warriors at
tacked tho train. The whites fought
long and well, but were overpowered,
and every one killed except young
McGee.
It seems that the Indians at first in
tended to spare him for some reason, but
after compelling him to witness the tor
ture of others not quite dead they de
cided to kill him also. The chief shot
him with the elegant pistol ho carried
as a souvenir, and three spears were run
into his back as he lay upon the ground.
Little Turtle then toie off his scalp and
struck him twice with a tomahawk,
fracturing the skull at each blow. The
savage departed, and in a few hours a
party of soldiers arrived on their way to
Fort Larned. Sorrowfully they gathered
the corpses for burial, but perceiving
signs of life in McQee they bound up his
wonnds and took him to the fort.
The surgeons exhaustod their skill upon
him; the struggle was long and terrible,
but he lived—as remarkable a recovery
as any related in history. The details
were laid before President Lincoln, who
sent for the boy, and was deeply affected
by his account. The Western generals
were directed to favor him in employ
ment. Many years after McGee's uncle
acquired wealth in tho West and tried
to recover the scalp from Little Turtle,
but unsuccessfully. McGee is now ap
parently in robust health, but of course
terribly disfigured.— Chicago Time*.
During the next September an exposi
tion of milling machinery will take place
in Santiago, Chili.
Terms— sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Mor
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
Aluminium bronze is coming into ex
tensive use.
The health officer of Chicago refuses
to accept "heart failure" as a cause of
death.
Chicago, 111., is 581 feet above the sea
level. St. Louis, Mo., lies about 100
feet lower.
An Italian torpedo ram fires a 448-
pound projectile through twenty-six
inches of iron.
An immense deposit of fine oolittic
lime-stcne has been discovered northeast
of Mitchell, Ind.
A system has been introduced for roll
ing liquid steel into thin sheet steel, free
from blow holes and scales.
A new megaphone has been introduced
in England, which magnifies the human
voice so that it can be heard several
miles.
Water and the sap on trees expand not
only in proportion as they rise above,
but also as they go below tho freezing
point.
An immense electrical plant is to be
erected near Brinton Station, Pittsburg,
Penn. It will bo COO feet long and 400
feet wide.
A deposit of black slate 1800 feet wide
and two miles long has been found near
Pine Grove, in Pennsylvania, on lands
belonging to a railroad.
New England capitalists have agreed to
invest $1,000,000 in Laredo, Texas,
in putting up textile mills, and the City
Council have accepted the proposition.
Toast is more easily digested than
plain bread—if the toast is eaten soon
after it is made. Toast that has grown
ccld is not so easily digestible as bread.
Duplex telephony, it is now thought,
will play an extremely important part in
the solution of the difficulties in connec
tion with the long-distanco telephoning.
An Oakland, Cal., mechanic has in
vented a new rail for railroads, consist
ing of two parts, put together so as to
leave an opening for any number of tele
graph wires, whereby perfect insulation
is secured. •
A large quantity of clay is used in
paper making to give it body and a
smooth surface, but not to cause the
fibres to interlace and hold together.
This thev do naturally and very firmly
as the paper is pressed between the
heavy heated rolls.
The Louisiana Electric L'gn.t Company
at New Orleans, La., have given orders
for two. new driving belts, which will be
1(50 feet 72 inches (six feet wide) double
belt and 550 feet 48 inches (four feet
wide) double belt. These are the
largest belts ever made, and it will re
quire the hide of more than GOO head of
cattle to make them.
The extreme scarcity and high price
of camphor in this country has induced
two or three firms to place on tho market
a highly refined naphthalene suitable for
tho preservation of woollens, fuss and
other articles from the destructive attacks
of insects. The naphthalene is produced
in several forms, the more saleable being
balls, tablets, scales and granulated.
A regular industry is being started in
tills country in the manufacture of gear
ing for electric railways out of raw hide.
It is preferred to metal, as it makes far
less noise and wears better. The mate
rial is said to finish up in the working as
well as metal. The use of this material
indicates that very severe strains are
brought to bear upon cogs not capable,
if of metal, of standing the stress.
All freight cars hereafter built by the
roads in the Vanderbilt railroad system
arc to be equipped with air-brakes, and
all colored line and local box and stock
cars of thirty-four feet in length and
upward uow in service on the Vander
bilt roads are to have air-brakes attached
as fast as they como into the shops for
repairs, and all such cars so built or re
paired are to bo equipped with a self
coupler.
Concerning the Cat.
Dr. Johnson once went to market and
bought an oyster for his sick cat. Tasso
wrote a sonnet to his puss. Petrarch had
his embalmed at its death; and Cardinal
Wolsey had his sit in a chair beside him
when he was administering justice. The
great Duke of Wellington himself im
ported into England the breed of the
royal cats of Siam, which are kept only
in the palace at Bangkok. Archbishop
Whately dignified the cat with tho re
mark that there was but oho noun in the
English language that had a vocative
case, which was cat, vocative puss. Mo
hammed is said to have cut off a portion of
his sleeve on which a cat lay asleep rather
than wake it when he was called away.Noi
is intimacy with the gentle animal con
fined to the great of the human race.
Godolphin, the famous Arabian horse
whose ancestry so many of our best
thoroughbreds claim, had a friendship
with a black cat, which, after his death,
insisted on sitting on his body until its
burial, when she crawled into a cornel
and died broken-hearted. In the time
of the early Kings of Britain, wild-cats
made a part of the royal menage, being
kept for hunting, and having officers of
equal rank and consideration with the
master of hounds. To-day an item in
the French budget is the price of meat
furnished cats kept in the public printing
offices to prevent damage to paper by
mice; and there are also in this country
a number of cats that may be said to be
employed in the postal service.
"In the swim"—Codfish aristocracy.
NO.
DANDELION
Bee the flower fairies flying I . v .
"When the dandelions are d., lug, r
With their snowy skirts extended _
And their downy wings outspread.
See thera on the breezes riding—
On the sunbeams dancing, gliding—
Up and upward ever rising
To the meadows overhead. t
In those meadows grouped together.
Far above the wind amKweather —
Where the heavenly dews 4ind sunshine
Coax the blossoms to unfol<£"
See the dandelions growing—
In each heart a jewel glowing,—
AH the blue ablaze with splendor-
Flower fairies changed to gold.
—Mrs. H. T. Hollands, in Detroit Free Press.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Scotch soldiers bear arms, and legs,
too.
"After you, sir," as the sheriff said to
the defaulter."— Puck.
"Well, you have nerve 1" as \the maD
said to his aching tooth.— Rachel?
The bright side of the convict question
—The "outside."— Prison Mirror.
Goes without saying—The young man
too bashful to pop the question.— l'exat
Siftings.
Briggs—"Say, old man, what are you
doing for that cold?" Griggs—"Coagh
ing ."—Life.
When a man goes to live in the top of
a six-story flat it is all up with him.—
Bintjhamton Republican.
Giles—"What did Terwilliger say
about the twins?" Merritt—"Said it
was one too many for him."— Life.
"Why does she sing with her mouth
closed?" "She has a falsetto voice, and
is afraid it will drop out."— Chatter.
"Who would not be a boy?" demand?
the poet. Well, the girl with a new en
gagement ring wouldn't, for one.— Life.
Edith—"lt's the little things that tell
in this life." Alice—"Well, you'd think
so, if you had two small brothers, as I
have."
lie—"This horse puts me in mind of
Lord Nelson." She—"Why?" "lie—
"Because he would rather die than run."
Tale Record.
"Speech was given man to conceal his
thoughts." What he needs most, how
ever, is some expedient for concealing
lack of thoughts.-'r-■&>/*.
Mother—"Now, fchnnie, you must
cut the apple in halves, and give the
larger half to your little sister." John
nie—"Let her tut it."— Chatter.
"We'll soon tako the starch out of
vou," said the warden to the refractory
prisoner." "You will,will you?" "Yes;
we'll iron you."— Boston Courier.
"Oh, dear!" cried Miss Passee. "Here
they've gone and cut the day down to
eight hours. Why, I'll be a hundred be
fore I'm forty."— Times-Democrat.
Miss Beacon—"This waltz is divine!
Do you ever dance the lanciers, doctor?"
Dr. Boylston—"No, but I sometimes
lanco the dancers."— Boston Bridget.
There is really no tangible objection
to violently plaid trousers escept that
they keep one constantly wondering
whose move it is.— Washington Post.
Man wants but little hore below,
For years we'vo heard the poets sing;
But from plain prose of life we know
He wants a little of everything.
—Puck.
"I've changed my mind since I saw
you last," said Cadley. "I hope the
new one is better than the last," putin
Cvnicus, and Cadley got mad.— New
Yorlt Herald.
Mr. McAllister—"Would you believe
it? I have had that idea in my head for
six months." Mrs. Berry—"What a dull
time it must have had there all by it
self."—Chatter.
"Ice is too expensive, Mary. You
must get along without it." "But how
am i to keep the beef fresh and the
butter and milk cool?" "You have a
fan, haven't you?"— New York Sun.
' 'Let me never hear of your disobeying
me again," said his father as he laid the
hair-brush aside. "I w-won't," sobbed
Tommy, "if I can help it. I-I-didn't
t-tell you t-this time."— Harper's Batar.
One of the funniest things about
children is the way when they have hurt
themselves, they start and run all over
the house until they find somebody to
hear them cry.— Burlington Free Press.
"My true love hath my heart, and I have
his"—
Ho sang Sir ijtulip in the old time verse;
But in these days tne pleasant version is:
"My true love hath my heart: I have
her purse."
—Munseys.
"Let me see! Was it not Emerson who
said, 'Hitch your wagon to a star?""
"Yes, I believe so." "What a beautiful
thought!" "Yes, and how much cheaper
It would be than keeping a horse."—
Lowell Citizen.
Professor—"Mr. CLumpy, I am
anxious for your father's sake to break
the long list of demerit marks you hav«
won here. Do you think you will evei
learn anything?" "No sir." "Mark
Mr. Chumpy as having correctly answered
all the questions put to him this lesson."
—Philadelphia Timet.
"I will be a sister to you," she said.
"No," he replied sadly; "I've got one
sister who wears my neckties, borrows
car-fare, loss, my hair brush, puts titles
all over the mrniture in my room, and
expects me to take her to the theatre
twice a week. I think I'll go out into
the world and forget you."— Washington
Pest.