SULLIVAN REPUBLICAN.
W, M. CHENEY, Publisher.
VOL. VIII.
A whaling captain who has been up
among the Eskimos says tHat all the chil
dren are now taught to speak English as
soon as they can talk.
j; The American Dairyman asserts that
no organizations in the United States
have multiplied more rapidly in the past
ten years than the sick-benefit, funeral'
aid, death-benefit and other kindred
societies.
1 An official report shows that there arc
283 Indian schools in the Dominion of
Canada. Of this number 84 are man
aged by the Church of England, 80
Roman Catholic, 33 Methodist, 10 Pres
byterian and 6 undenominational.
A numismatist suggests that a certain
coin—say the fifty-cent pieces—issued
during any administration be stamped
with the head of the President of that
date. They will thus serve as an aid to
history, as do the coins of ancient days.
Von Moltke, whom the Atlanta Comti
tution calls the greatest soldier in Europe,
nays that the long-predicted war is bound
to come. He thinks that it will be a
war of the masses against the classes. If
such a war comes, it will be short, cruel
and bloody.
Northern lumbermen are picking up
all the Southern timber land they can
get, as they figure out a general advance
in Southern timber within a few years.
Heavy shipments of Southern hardwoods
are being made into Michigan aud other
Northern State's.
An anti-gambling league is announced
as forming in England, the Earl of Aber
deen to be the first President. The
qualifications for membership will be an
agreement for the annual payment of a
shilling and the signing of a pledge "to
Abstain from betting."
A Pennsylvanian drove a lot of boys
who were teasing his mule out of his
field. He then returned to condole with
the mule, when the animal kicked him
once, killing him instantly. "Grati
tude," sagely comments the Chicago
Herald, "is not the mule's redeeming
trait."
The farmers of Ottawa and Cloud
Counties, Kansas, have adopted resolu
tions asking the Government to lend
them money at two and u half per cent,
to the amount of one-half the value of
their farms, and declaring that if this re
quest is not granted they will pay no
taxes or interest after December 1, 1890.
A Hoosier maiden sued Charles John
son for breach of promise. Charles
acknowledged the engagement, but
proved that he broke it only after seeing
the plaintiff knock her father down be
cause he asked her not togo barefooted
around the house. The v jury were only
five minutes returuiug a verdict in his
favor.
The New York Times observes tliat the
old fashion of working out the road tax
has become a mere farce in most rural re
gions. The only rational plan is to have
highways made and repaired by contract
under the supervision and after the plans
of a competent engineer. The taxes
paid for this purpose will be far more
than repaid to every farmer by the im
provements to the roads.
Some strange judicial proceedings are
reported from Queensland, Australia.
The presiding judge was in a hurry to
get away, and tried cases continuously
for thirty-six hours. At one stage all the
available jurors were occupied consider
ing verdicts, and, not to lose time, the
judge ordered the doors of the court
100m to be locked, and then impounded
every person in the audience qualified to
serve. Many of the jurors were so ex
hausted by continuous service that they
fell asleep in their seats, but the trials
■went on.
General Verdy Duvernois, the German
Minister of War and one of the ablest of
the younger Generals of the German
army, is, as his name implies, of French
descent. He is descended from a Hu
guenot family expelled from France by
Louis XlV. 's revocation of the edict of
Nantes. It is a striking example of the
folly of religious and political proscrip
tions, remarks tht Chicago Herald, that
the descendant of one of the French
exiles should be the man destined to pre
pare the plans for the next German in
vasion of France. It is also singular
that two of the foremost men in the
German army to-day should be of foreign
birth. Von Caprivi comes of *n Italian
fcunily.
TO-DAY.
You ask we why my face is bright
To-dnyf I
What can put my gloom to flight
To-dnyf
Why is my heart so free from care?
Why <io I tread as if oii Air?
Ob, mother mine, the earth is fair—
To-day.
Three little words have made me glad.
To-day.
Nothing in life ran make me sad
To-day.
Place your dear hands upon my head,
Bless me and kiss me. Grief has fled.
My darling loves me—so he said.
To-day,
—iirar*!/ 112. G'oddev, in Be]ford's Magazine.
SPRIGGSS INVENTIONS.
•'Spriggs islo work no* on something
fur weavin' silk, they say," remarked
Jim Bates, us ! ie cut a fresh quid of to
bacco. "That's the tenth machine he's
invented that I can think of, to say noth
in' of the cyclometer and hoss-rake that
didn't work, an' the wagon-jack most of
us -was fools enough to lend him money
on. I hain't had any faith in inventions
since then, ] can tell you,"
" 'Twas that trick of flying up an' hit
ting you in the fac:; as soon as it got out
of order killed that," reflected the store
keeper, "He'd ought to l>e'n made to
pay damages fur putting 'ho thin;.- on
market. An' that powder*:md-shot rat'
trap that tired off into Charlie Smith's leg
when he forgot it and went into the
but'ry in the dark was jest as bad. They
can talk aoout 'Spriggs's inventivene
it's my opinion a man that'll spend his
time lur twenty years piitterin' over
things that never bring him in r. cent
ain't any more or less than a crank." |
"That's so," assented several in the
crowd, recollections of the various times
when they, too, had been victims of
"Spriggs's inventiveness," lending em
phasis to their words. But old, blear
eyed Jerry Tolles, seated in the farthest
corner of the store, roused up to shake
his head with a confidence that all the
defective wagon-jacks and rat-traps in
the world could not unsettle. He be
lieved in the inventions. He always had
believed in them since the days when he
was hired man for John Spriggs's father,
and John himself played truant from
school to stay all day in the shop and
study out wonderful contrivances of
wood and wire. He had been hit in the
face With the wagon-jack, and cut with
the can-opener, and "kicked" with the
new kind of gun; he had given ten dol
lars for John's rat-trap, and used the
alarm clock till it burst; but his faith in
their final success never wavered. "The
boy'll mount to somcthin' yit," he mut
tered, teeliug in his pocket for the old
clay pipe. "He'll make his way iu the
world."
"If he does 'twill be Polly that pints it
out for him." grunted Jim Bates.
Polly was John Sprigg's daughter, and,
in the vernacular of the village, "had
common sen e fur her an' him both."
Scrogsvillc was proud of Polly. Not
only was she the handsomest girl around,
the smartest and the best cook, but she
was city educated. At least she had
spent six months at the home of her un
cle in New York, and that amounted to
the some thing There had been fabulous
stories of Polly's success in society duvlng
that stay in the metropolis; and though
some of the more skeptical in Scrogsvillc
affected disbelief cn the subject of her
being introduced to the Mayor and par
ticipating in the Charity ball, it was the
recollection of the season in New York,
even more than her black eyes and stirring
ways, that inspired the neighbors with
pride an admiration.
"If it wasn't for her father's being
what he is, and every dollar she earns
going to help him along, I wouldn't say
a word against Charlie's taking such a
fancy to her" declared Mrs. Smith that
evening, when her husband recounted
the conversation at the store. "But
whoever marries her will have to mary
him, too; an', the way things are—" and
the good woman ended her sentence with
a sigh, and firmly resolved not to have
Polly stay at her house again, even if she
never had any sewing done. Mrs. Smith
was not the only careful mother who had
deemed it prudent to resort to this ex
treme measure; and it is highly probably
she would have held to the resolu
tion had it rot been for the unexpected
arrival, one washing-day afternoon, a
few weeks later, of Mrs. Latham and
Mrs. Latham's little girl. Mrs. Latham
was Mrs. Smith's cousin, and lived in the
city. Her husband was foreman in u
shop, and Mrs. Smith had planned to have
baked chickeu and cream pies, aud the
front parlor open every day, when they
came to visit her. No wonder that now,
with both visitors to entertain—Daniel
coming on a later train—and cake and
biscuit to be baked for tea, Mrs. Smith
forgot her fear lest "Charlie should make
tt fool of himself," and sent down for
Polly Springs. "Though I don't know
what you'll think of my wanting you to
do housework," she said, anxiously, upon
that young lady's arrival, "and if you're
going to take it amiss, just tell me; but
with that child, who's enough to try the
patience of a saint, unless she changed
from what she was last time, and her
mother so easy she'd let her burn the
house down without saying u word, I
don't see what I tan do."
Polly had tuken off her hat.
"I hail as soon do housework as to
sew," she replied, cheerfully. "And it's
only two o'clock now; plenty of time to
put things in order and have something
b#ke4 foj tea. You stay in the other
LAPORTE, PA., FRIDAY, JULY 11. isoo.
toom, Mrs. Smith, and leave the kitchen
Work for me."
And Mrs. Smith left the kitchen with
the serene consciousness that the biscuits
would be as light, and the tea-cakes as
delicately flavored, as if she herself had
made them. So heartfelt was her grati
tude, that half an hour later, when they
had exhausted the subject of city life,
tho neighbors, and piecing bed quilts,
she surprised her cousin by waxing
eloquent over Polly, Polly's father and
Polly's wrongs. It took nearly an hour
to tell the story, allowing for the inter
ruptions occasioned by little Effie, who
wns of an inquiring disposition; but Mrs.
Latham was interested, and listened de
lightedly.
"And wouldn't it be a surprise to
everybody if her father's inventions did
turn out to be worth something, after
all:'" she exclaimed. "Things like that
have happened, 1 read of a man of that
kind getting twenty-tive thousand dollars
for a patent once."
"He won't," declared Mrs. Smith,
slioitly. "We used to think about it at
lirst (look out, child, don't drop that
vase) j but there's be'n more than a dozen
come to look at his inventions, different
times, and they all agreed they wa'a't
worth the stuff that was putin them."
"I suppose they ought to know," re
luctantly admitted Daniel's wife. ("Eflie,
dear, don't cut, holes in tho sofa. I'm
afraid Cousin Ann won't like it.") And
Daniel says that there isn't one thing out
01 a thousand like that that pays. But
1 always think of what might happen.
And you know there is a chance."
Mrs. Smith tiptoed to the kitchen
door.
"Polly's a good girl to work, if
nothing else," she declared, co:ninp; back
well pleased with the 112 *V of the creamy
custard and nicely i_ jwued biscuit.
"She's as quick as a flash of light
ning."
"Yes, and so handsome," chirruped
Mrs. Latham. "If she was only as rich
as some of the girls that "
"Mamma!" it was a wild shriek of
terror and pain. Eflie, in her endeavor
to flnd out where the smoke went, had
stood too close to the open fireplace, and
her thin muslin apron was in a blaze.
"Help! Save her! Water! Where's
the water? Oh, my baby, my baby!"
shrieked the frantic mother, at that in
stant hardly less sane than the child, who
was running wildly about the room.
Mrs. Smith rushed into the kitchen,
screaming as she went: "Fire! Help!
Fire! She's burning to death!" <
"Who?" gasped Polly, dropping her
armful of wood with a crash. The next
instant., before Mrs. Smith had time to
realise her purpose, she had rushed into
the other room, caught the frantic child,
and wrapped her in her woolen dress
skirt. It was only for one minute. In
the next, Mrs. Smith had deluged them
with water, Polly was ruefully regarding
her burned hauds, and the tire was out.
But that minute made the iuventor's
daughter the heroine of Scrogsville.
They talked about it at the store, and
the sewing society, and on their way to
church. The weekly paper devoted half
a column to a description of the inci
dent, and the 11. S. S. Association pre
sented her with a copy of "Les Misera
bles" as a testimonial of her valor and
courage. As for Effie's father—"l'm not
a rich man,"the big, broad shouldered
mechanic declared, when his wife, with
th» tears running down her cheeks, told
him the story, "but some way or other
I'll try to make up to that girl for what
she's done for us. If there s anything in
her father's inventing that any amount of
my work can fix into paying him ordi
nary day wages for the time he's spent on
it, I'll flnd it. And what's more, he
won't have to reckon with anything but
the gross proceeds. The expenses I'll
pay out of my own pocket."
And that was how the investigation
commenced. From the first Scrogsville
people did not put much faith in it. It
was a very thorough one. All John
Spriggs's inventions, brought from garret,
storeroom aud barn, were examined,
taken to pieces, studied, put together
again, turned this way and that, and ex
perimented with in every possible com
bination. But the more Mr. Latham
worked the less hopeful he became.
And after a week of patient labor he was
forced to agree with the others who had
tried that "the inventions wa'n't worth
the stuff they were made off." He came
into the Spriggs's kitchen that day look
ing rather crestfallen.
"No; there's nothing in them," he
said, in answer to Polly's inquiring
glance. "Nothing that I can find, and
I used to call myself a good hand at that
sort of thing. It can't be helped. But
I wish I hadn't said anything about it
now."
John Spriggs looked up from his work
with a reassuring smile. He had been
the least interested of any in the in
vestigation. "Oh, you needn't be," he
responded, cheerfully. "It was very
kind of you, very kind of you; but it's
hardly to be expected you'd find any
thing of consequence in these old con
trivances of mine. Now, this weaving
machine, when I get the idea worked
out, Mr. Latham, I wouldn't take twenty
five thousand dollars for the patent."
Daniel rubbed his head. "I s'p'ose
not, sir. You—you won't mind accept
ing a little money from me, Miss Polly,
for the time you couldn't work on ac
count of your hands? But I'm sorry—
what are you doing?"
Polly was unfastening a jar of pickles.
Shi turned around. "It is a cover father
fixed for me because it was such hard work
to unscrew the others. You press on this
spring, you see, and it slips right off.
It's ever s<smUch easier than the old way.
"Whyj what's the mstttef?''
She wrts hardly prepared for the ex
citement with which Mr. Latham sprang
to his feet. "My land! my land 1" he
exclaimed: "Here you and vdur father
have beeii puttering along for rrionths;
not knowing fro'm one day td another
where the next meal was to corrfe from (
and right here using an invention worth
a whole fortune in itself. Heavens and
eaith! wa'n't there anybody to tell you
about it?"
Mr. Spriggs laid down the wrench he
had been using. "Do you meau the can
cover?" he asked, calmly. "I did think
of it, but it wouldn't be good for any
thing yon wanted to keep air tight.
You—' -"
"Air tight?" interrupted the mechanic.
"Air tight? And do you mean to say
a man who's got such a taste for invent
ing machines with one thousand five
hundred parts to them didn't know
enough to put a rubber around and make
it air tight? That's the invention, Miss
Polty, and I bet my bottom dollar it
makes your fortune!"
"Wa-al, it does beat all what luck
some people have," observed .Tim Bates
to the usual audience at the store, a few
months later. "Now, there's John
Spriggs, be'n workin' fur years at sew
| ing-machines, an' cyclometers, an' half a
dozen other inventions that never
brought him a cent, and when he hit on
a can cover, that any of us could have
fixed if we'd only thought on't, he's of
fered six thousand dollars fur the patent
the first thing. Six thousand dollars! I
wouldn't believe it if he hadn't told ine
so himself. 'Spriggs's Patent Cans,'
they're going to call them."
"Polly's Patent Cans, it ought to be,"
piped the storekeeper. "They say he'd
never done a thing about it if it hadn't
be'n fur Latham's thinking of the rub
ber, an' if it hadn't be'n fur Polly he'd
never hev concerned himself with
Spriggs's inventions, or Spriggs either.
They're going into partnership now, ho
an' Latham, an' cackelate to make a mint
of money, llut 'twas Polly started it in
the first place."
"An' it's my opinion Polly had the
biggest interest in it," grinned the post
master. "Her father's pervided fur now,
an' nothin' to hinder her marryin' when
she wants to; an jou can't make me be
lieve they're movin' into the city jest to
bo near Dan'l Latham. Not so long as
Polly's be'n writin' letters to 'George
Remington, New Yorl; Citjever since
she come from there in the spring.
Wa-al," reflectively, "it ain't much to in
vent a can cover anyway; but I guess
what credit there is to it belongs more to
Polly than it does to Spriggs."
"That's so," assented the crowd. But
Jerry Tolles, seated in the corner, paid
no attention to these derogatory com
ments. "I allers said the boy would
'mount to somethin' yit," he chuckled,
fumbling for his pipe.— Frank Letlie't.
"Mustang Tom's" Life in a Wagon.
There is hardly a more curious charac
ter in all this big city full of queer peo
ple than is "Mustang Tom," who makes
New York his home for about one week
every three years.
Tom Stewart was barn in Pennsylva
nia "nigh onto sixty-four years ago," as
he phrases it. He has crossed the plains
three times each way, and has never rid
den on a boat or car. His first trip west
ward was in 1849, the next ten years
later, and lie has just completed the
third, reaching San Francisco the other
day. "Mustang Tom," as he is called,
left New York city to begin his last jour
noy eighteen months ago. His outfit
consisted of a wagon drawn by a pair of
small, brown mules, and large enough to
hold Tom, his water spaniel Boston, a
rusty array musket, some cooking uten
sils and blankets. He shaped his course
southwest, visited friends in Missouri,
passed through Salt Lake City, halted
| awhile at Tombstone, Ariz.,struck north
; to Idaho, went through Montana, East
ern Oregon and Northern California,
drifted down to Nevada, and then made
for San Francisco. His first night in the
city was passed at a cheap lodging house.
He had not slept in a bed before for fif
teen years, and ainounced on rising
that he "didn't want no more of it."
Two days in the California metropolis
satisfied him, and the morning of the
third he hitched up his mules and start
ed for Arizona.— New York Prest.
The Champion Tramp.
The champion tramp would seem to
be one Folkers. He belongs to Portland,
Maine, and is a shoemaker by trade. For
ten years he has been roaming the coun
try, and he declares that not once dur
ing this time has he paid a railroad fare,
though on all his trips he patronizes the
"iron horse." He says he has a craze
for traveling, which seems very evident
from his statement that he rides about
20 000 miles per year. Altogether he
has traveled 200,000 miles.—SanFran
ciico Chronicle.
Organized Beggars.
A society in Paris, organized to pre
vent the trade in children by professional
beggars, has made its first report in
which it gives the names and addresses
of several establishments which employ
children as flower girls and as beggars.
One of these employs 120 girls from eight
to eleven years old to sell flowers on the
streets. They are required to bring in a
profit of sixty cents each or receive
nothing for <.heir day's work.— Chicago
Inter- Ocean.
Terms—sl.2s in Advance; $1.50 after Three Months.
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL.
American shipbuilders are beginning
to devote more attention to the work of
sheathing ships.
Five hundred thousand dollars is to
lie invested in electric street railroads in
SprirJgrifcld, Mo.
The Port Huron (Mich.) tunnel is now
350 feet under the river bed. The bore
is two-thirds done.
The manufacture of sugar from water
melons at Lodi, Cat., now amounts to
several carloads per year.
The use of electricity as a motive power
for street cars will be an important sec
tion of the census investigation of the
electrical industry.
A recent patent applies to a machine
for dusting poisonous powders on grow
ing plants, such as cotton or potatoes, to
rid there of insects.
It has just been discovered by a Ger
man chemist that strong as steel is, it
can be made yet stronger by an alloy of
three to five per cent, of nickel.
A new megaphone has been placed on
the market in England, by which the
human voice can lie so magnified that it
may be heard at a distance of several
miles.
Two logs of curly poplar have been
shipped from North Carolina to the Ger
man Exposition which measured respec
tively sixty-nine and seventy inches in
diameter.
Since certain sections of the tobacco
growing districts in the South have been
lighted by electricity, the ravages of the
tobacco worm arc said to have been
greatly reduced.
As ores can no longer be sent to the
United States, smelters will be built all
over Mexico. The gross bullion will
then be shipped for refining cither in
England or Germany.
A new German water pipe is mado of
glass covered with a coating of aspsalt
and fine sand. The advantages claimed
are resistance to ground moisture and to
acids and alkalies, and impermeability
to gases.
The latest experiments made with car
rier pigeons in connection with various
European armies show that the normal
velocity of the carrier in calm weather
and for a short distance is about 1210
yards a minute.
The piece of crown glass, forty inches
in diameter and two and a half inches
thick, made in Paris for the object glass
of it telescope for the Univorsity of South
ern California, will require two years' la
bor to turn into a finished lens.
Inexhaustible quantities of red and
yellow ochre have been laid bare by a
landslide five miles south of Drain, Ore
gon. It looks like rock, but dissolves
readily in water,and gives a fine color on
wood. It is believed to be an extremely
valuable find.
Professor Thompson,who was a teach
er in Philadelphia when he made the dis
coveries which have made him a million
aire, predicts tbat sooner or later the
problem will be solved of getting elec
trical power from fuel direct, without the
aid of steam.
Some beautiful specimens of artificial
malachite, well adopted for ornamental
work, have been produced by Professoi
de Schulten, of the University of Hel
singfors. The process is said to consist
in evaporating a solution of carbonate of
copper in carbonate of ammonia.
An electric railway in Siam has been
incorporated and will be built at once
from Bangkok to Paknam, a distance of
thirty miles. This road is to cost $400,-
000, and Siijnesc capital will alone be
used. An electric light company has
also been organized and the plant ordered
for Bangkok.
One of the new things now mentioned
is a fruit and vegetable drum invented in
Georgia for a receptacle for fruit and
vegetables, so constructed, it is claimed,
as to secure complete ventilation and
allow inspection of its contents without
opening. It is barrel shaped with staves
three-sixteenths of an inch thick, and
may be made of any desired size.
M. Jablockoff, of electric candle fame,
makes a strong argument in favor of
going back to chemical reactions for the
production of electricity as a motive
power. The dynamo machine does not
utilize more than ten per cent, of the
fuel, while more than ninety per cent, can
be obtained under favorable circum
stances in electro-chemical combinations.
This Hand Never Struck Me.
We recently heard the following
touching incident: A little boy had
died. His body was laid out in a dark
ened room, waiting to be laid away in a
cold, lone grave. His afflicted mother
and bereaved sister went into look at the
sweet face of the precious sleeper,for his
face was beautiful even in death. As
they stood gazing on the face of one so
beloved and cherished, the little f,irl
asked to shake his hand. The mother at
first did not think it best, but the child
repeated the request and seemed very
anxious about it. She took the cold,
bloodless hand of her sleepless boy, and
placed it in the hand of his weeping sis
ter. The dear child looked at it a mo
ment, caressed it fondly, and then looked
up to her mother through tears of afflic -
tion and love, and said: "Mother, this
hand never struck me." What conld be
more touching and lovely?— United Pret
hyterian.
The Chicago Bun announces that the
possibilities of revolutionary upheavals
on the other side tend to make American
investments popular.
NO. 39.
THE YELLOW HAMMER'S TAP.
When gentle breezes softly play
O'er meadows sweet, in fair-haired May,
And whisper secrets to the pines
In woodlands dense with clamb'ring vima;
When balmy springtime fills the air.
And scatters sweetness everywhere.
Then there comes the ceaseless rap
Of the yellow-hammer's tap,—
Tip-tap, tap-tap, tip-tap-tip,
Tipity-tap,
Tapity-tip,
Tipity-tep-tap;
'T is the merry pitter-patter
Of the yeiloi i-hammer's tap.
When brown wrens peer througlvough-hewa
rail.
And oft is heard the drum of quail.
And thickets echo thrush's song.
And swollen brooklet bounds along:
When from the hedge the cat-birA» cry.
And meadow-larks are soaring high,
Then there cornea the merry tap '
Of the yellow-hammer's rap, —
Tip-tap, tip-tap, tip-tap-tip,
Tipity-tap,
Tapity-tip.
Tipity-tap-tap;
•T is the ceaseless pitter-patter
Of the yellow-hammer's tap. I
When hazy shadows slowly creep.
And lambkins bleat themselves to sleep;
When from the pasture's daised plain
Echoes the cow-bell's sweet refrain
That blends with negro teamster"a song.
As down the road he rides along.
Again is heard the merry tap '
Of the yellow-hammer's rap,—
Tip-tap, tip-tap, tip-tap-tip,—
Tipity-tap,
Tapity-tip,
Tipity-tap-tap;
T is the plaintive rat-a-tatter
Of the yellow-hammer's tap.
—Edward A. Olrlham, in The Century.
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Never tell a blind man that he is look
ing well.— Texas Sittings.
Did you ever notice the ability of a
saw mill to make things hum?—Bing
hamton Republican.
Kleptomania is rated to be, by all
odds, the most lucrative form of insan
ity.—Harvard Lampoon.
It does not seem right to charge au
enemy's battery after the guns have been
paid for.— Pittsburg Chronicle.
"Are you in the Butcher Trust?" "Yes
—but we don't call it that. It is called
a 'Joint Stock Company.' " — Chatter.
Of all the glad unions of which men may
dream,
Tbe happiest match is of berries and cream.
—Judge.
"Oh, well every dog has his day."
"Yes; and that is the very reason why I
object to his howling nights."— Lowell
Citizen.
He—"l have three thousand a year.
Y'ou could certainly live on that." She
—"Yes; but I should hate to seg you
starve."— Life.
"That is awide-a-wake baby of yours,
Bronson." "Yes," replied Bronson,
with a yawn. "Particularly at night."
—Harper l a bazar.
Your barber flumtly detailed the news,
And annotated same with weighty views;
Whereby of wisdom quite a lot you gath
ered.
Before he had entirely got you lathered.
-Pack.
Collar—"What's the matter? Why
are you so gloomy?" Culf—t"l never
expected to be done up by a
—Lawrence American.
"Your husband seems very fond of
angling." "He is." "Does he bring
home all the fish he catches?" "Yes, and
mote too."— Washington Post.
"I declare, Tom," said the fond moth
er, ''the-baby is the very image of you!"
And the papers next day chronicled a
"mysterious disappearance."— Judge.
You say your bride is rich—that's so.
And beautiful—l'll not say no;
And hag good judgment—that's not true.
Or she had ne'er made choice of you.
—Judge.
Boston Miss—"ls it proper to offer
my hand to a gentleman upon being in
troduced to him?" Chicago Miss—
"Only in a leap year."— Philadelphia
Press.
Tramp—"Can I get a job here?" *
Keeper—"What was your profession?" *
Tramp—"Barber." Keeper—"Yes; go
and beard that lion in his den."— Detroit
Free Press.
Canst tell the reason. (Jlytie, dear.
Why you refused young Kidd?
"Of course I can," she saia—a pause:
"The reason was—well —just because—
Oh, just—because I did!
—Puck.
Brawn—"But do you think that Fen
derson's judgment is good?" Fogg—"lt
ought to be good; in tip-top condition,
in fact. I don't think it. has ever been
used. "■— Boston Transcript.
Prominent jewelers now affirm tfiat
the diamond solitaire earring is going
out. This will be cheering news to ear 3
that have never been able to get them
in.— Boston Commonwealth.
Dillenback (starting another Story at
11:55 P.M.) —"You know how I hate
to walk? Well"—Miss Eugenia—"How
forgetful of us! We'll have Thomas call
the carriage at once. " — Judge.
We'll away to the woods for a day of de
light.
We'll cull the sweet flowers of the plain;
The skies will be cloudless, the day will be
bright.
For Oreely predicts it will rain.
—Boston Courier.
Teacher—"What's the past tense of
seel" Pupil—"Seed." "What's your
authority for that form?" "A sign in
the grocery stores." "What does it
say." "Timothy seed."— Binghamim Re
publican,